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Winter of Resentment
Part 4 ~ Future Plans
by Kimberly
2/9/08

"I need to see you," Jason said simply.

"I don't think I can get a babysitter on such short notice."

"I need to talk to you." Jason was curt and warning bells rang in Liz's mind.

"Ok," she answered meekly, "The boys will be asleep by 8. You can come over after 9."

"I'll see you then." He hung up without waiting for a response.

Liz was scared. Had he decided that he had enough of her? Was she losing him? Robin's comment about everything being black and white for Jason echoed in her ears. By the time Liz placed the cell phone back in her pocket, panic had gripped her. As she turned to walk back to the nurse's station, she saw Sam watching her.

The look on Elizabeth's face was unmistakable. Sam knew that if she was going to strike, it had to be now.

"Let me guess. He is finally seeing you for what you really are." Sam looked Liz up and down, "A self-righteous little tease."

"Go away." Liz moved to walk around her, but Sam held her ground and blocked Liz's escape.

"You know Jason isn't your average man. He has needs and he likes them met on a regular basis." As she said the words, she watched Liz's eyes fill with worry. She knew she hit a nerve. Now for the kill. "When Jason and I were together last week, I asked him if he thought you could satisfy him, and you know what he did?" Sam moved her face closer to Liz. "He laughed. I can tell you that I haven't heard him laugh like that in a long time." She stepped back to watch Liz's reaction. "By the time I left, he was starting to realize that a cold fish like you couldn't satisfy such a hungry man as him. He needs someone who is not afraid to love him in and out of bed." A smile of pleasure crossed Sam's face as she watched Liz's eyes fill with hurt and tears.

Too upset to speak, Liz pushed past Sam and made a detour into the locker room. The tears came in waves, and by the time her shift ended, Liz had no more fight left.

As Sam walked to her car, she could taste the bitterness of resentment being replaced by the sweetness of revenge.

By the time Jason knocked on the door, Liz was on her third glass of wine. The first glass was to dull the pain. The second glass was to prepare her for Jason's rejection, and the third glass of wine was to give her the courage not to cry. She barely kept it together during dinner, and it wasn't until the boys were asleep that she allowed herself to cry. Her body hurt from the violent sobs that tore through her chest, but that was no match for the pain dining on her heart.

She opened the door quickly and turned her back so that Jason could not see her swollen red eyes. He watched her walk to the fireplace. She was staring into the fire, crossing her arms in front of her as if she was trying to keep herself from jumping into the flames.

He let the door close softly as he stayed rooted next to the stairs. He ran his fingers nervously through his hair. What was he doing? He should be happy that she was spending any time with him. She deserved better than him. He had nothing to offer her but his love; and in his past relationships, his love had not been enough.

The silence was deafening. "You had something to say?" She spoke so softly that it took Jason a minute to realize it was not his imagination. He shoved his fist into his jean pockets. If he didn't speak now, he never would; but before he could utter a word, Liz continued. "If it helps at all, I saw Sam today. She told me about the interesting conversation that you had."

Jason had forgotten about Sam's visit to the penthouse. As he tried to make a connection between Sam's visit and his reason for being there, Liz mistakenly assumed his silence was confirmation. "You don't deny being with her." She asked.

"With her?" he stepped down into the living room "What did she tell you?"

She could hear the anger in his voice. He watched her shrug her shoulders. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you changed your mind about us." She couldn't believe how calm she sounded. If she would have turned around, she would have seen Jason shaking his head in confusion. He had no idea what she was talking about, but she was right about one thing. He had changed his mind about their relationship. He walked up behind her, fighting the temptation to touch her. It was now or never.

She could feel the heat radiating off his body as he stood behind her. She could smell the subtle scent of soap, leather, and coffee. A strange combination but she had grown to love it. A part of her wanted to lean back into his arms, but the other part wanted to jump into the flames. Either way she knew she was going to get burned.

"I can't do this anymore." Before he could continue, Liz covered her mouth to keep the sobs trapped in her throat.

He continued. "I can't go on seeing you every now and then." The tears dropped silently at Liz's feet. She pressed her palm tightly against her lips.

"Pretending to everyone that you mean nothing to me." He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her waist. He had to touch her, even if it was for the last time. "I can't do it." As he repeated the words, he felt her collapse against his chest; the muffled sobs escaped her lips and grabbed at his heart. He knew she would never forgive him for breaking his promise. "I know I told you that I would live by your decision, but I can't live like this." He turned her around so that he could see her face. Her cheeks were damp, and he could see where the tears had fallen and stained her silk blouse. She could hate him, but he needed to finish, having it all out in the open.

"I want to be with you. Be with you everyday. I don't care who knows." The word rushed out. When she stiffened in his arms, he released her and started pacing. "I can get you and the boys the best bodyguards. We can move out of town if you want." He stopped to face her. "But I have to try. I'll hate myself if I don't at least try." His voice grew husky and trembled with emotion. "I know it is a lot to ask but can we try? Can we try and be a family?"

She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. All the while Jason held on to hope. She wasn't sure that she heard him correctly, but watching the vulnerability on his face was confirmation. She approached him slowly and laid her hand gently over his heart. The beat was strong, quick, and telling.

"You want me?" she searched his eyes for rejection. There was none. Love, pure and simple, was staring back at her.

"You want me." This time it was a statement and as she said the words, a joyful smile filled her heart and echoed across her face.

"Always," he said as she laid her head on his chest. When she wrapped her arms around his waist, she heard him whisper her name into her hair. As his mouth gently brushed against her temple, she turned her face so that her lips could meet his. His kiss was timid, questioning. She responded by pressing her small frame against him, kissing him with an urgency that she didn't know was inside her. She felt his hands slip under her silk blouse, and as his thumb tenderly stroked the material covering her breast, she moaned softly. He unbuttoned her silk blouse quickly, and with one gentle tug, it floated gracefully to the floor. He noticed the pink lingerie that he brought for her in January and smiled. As he stroked the small of her back, she pulled at his belt buckle. Jason knew that if she undid his belt there would be no turning back. He would make love to her right then and there. There was no way he would be able to wait to bring her upstairs. She reached for his zipper, and he quickly stepped back.

"Liz, we can't." He glanced at the stairs "Cam may come down."

"We can go up to my room."

"No. I don't want to sneak out like a thief." He stroked her cheek. He picked up her blouse, took her hand and led her to the couch. "Let's make plans for the future."

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