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Winter of Resentment
Part 3 ~ Perfect Enough?
by Kimberly
1/27/08

"Hi!" As Robin entered, Liz looked for Kelly to follow. When she noticed that Robin was alone, she closed the door. "Where's Kelly?"

"Hi, Kelly was called away to perform an emergency C-section." Robin placed the Chinese food on the table. "It's just me. I hope you don't mind."

"Never. You're always welcome here." As Robin struggled out of her coat, Liz noticed her rounded belly. "You look beautiful."

Robin placed a hand on her belly. At five months, she was finally starting to show. She was now able to wear the maternity clothes that her mother brought for her. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?"

"Some days are better than others," Robin replied softly.

"I'll get some plates so we can sit and eat. Would you like something to drink?"

"Orange juice if you have it."

As Liz made her way to the kitchen, Robin strolled over to the mantle and gazed at the pictures. Cam. Jake. Liz, Cam and Jake. Emily.

Robin still could not believe that Emily was gone. For Emily's life to be taken away so quickly and brutally made no sense.

"I miss her too," Liz said as she placed the silverware on the table. "We all do. But you didn't come here to be sad. We have a new life to celebrate."

Robin didn't comment. Instead, she sat on the sofa with her hands in her lap.

"Robin?" Liz sat beside her "What's wrong? Is everything all right with the baby?"

Robin nodded gently. "I just," she paused as fresh tears started to form. "I feel like a fool."

"Why? Being pregnant is such a wonderful thing."

"It's not that." She gently brushed away a tear. "I've been living a lie. I never had in vitro." She took a deep breathe. "Patrick is the father."

Liz was stunned. It wasn't like Robin to keep secrets, not of this magnitude.

After a moment of silence, Robin laughed nervously. "I know it is ironic. I fought for AJ to know about Michael and for Nikolas to know about Spencer." She looked down at her hands. "But I can't even tell the truth about my own child."

Liz kept silent. To give Robin any advice on honesty would have been hypocritical.

"I just want a happy pregnancy. No drama. Which is why I wanted to use a sperm donor." Robin rambled on. "If I tell Patrick he's the father, he'll think I trapped him." She stood up and walked across the room. "I didn't mean to come here and dump all this on you. I just..." she glanced at Emily's picture, "needed someone to talk to."

Liz walked to the table and poured Robin a glass of orange juice. She handed Robin the glass and confessed quietly. "I don't know if I can give you any advice." Liz looked Robin in the eyes. "I have my own secrets. Jason is Jake's father."

Robin's sharp gasp echoed in the room.

Liz smiled weakly, and as she started to explain, the entire sordid story tumbled easily from her lips. By the time she finished, it was Robin's turn to hand Liz a glass of wine and a tissue.

"I can't believe I am sitting here telling Jason's ex-girlfriend how much I love him." Liz took a sip of the wine.

Robin sat down beside her and gave her a gentle hug. "Jason and I are just friends. Jason has the unique ability to put relationships in their place. If he loves you, he loves you. If he hates you, he hates you. It is all very black and white with him." Robin sat back and waited for Liz to dry her eyes. "But this is entirely grey. This must be very hard for him."

"Being away from Jake is hurting him. I'm not sure if sneaking off to see him is helping or hurting."

"Does he love you?" Robin asked openly.

"He says he does."

"Then he does." Robin watched Liz wipe away her tears. "So what's keeping you apart?"

"The life he leads leaves very little room for family. It's just so much danger..." Liz shrugged and watched a tear fall into her Chardonnay. "Jason doesn't want Jake to end up like Johnny or Michael."

As Robin spoke, she began to rub her belly unconsciously. "All we can do is provide a loving home and teach our children the difference between right and wrong. Danger is everywhere. You can walk out of the house and be hit by a drunk driver, be strangled in the park or at your own engagement party. Danger is all around us. At least Jason can put a face on his." Robin took a deep breath and continued, "As far as Johnny and Michael are concerned, they both grew up in abnormal households. Johnny watched his father kill his mother and then had to relive it everyday of his life. Michael, well both Sonny and Carly have had their own share of childhood troubles." She paused and touched Liz's hand. "But you and Jason will provide a loving home. No situation is perfect."

"But it will be perfect enough." Liz finished, remembering the words that Jason spoke during their night together at the Metro Court.

As Jason entered the coffee house, he saw Robin leafing through a medical journal.

"Hey." he approached the table slowly. "I haven't seen you in a while. What brings you out to the docks?"

"I was with Liz last night." Robin watched Jason's eyes focus on her when she mentioned Liz's name. His blue eyes softened. For a brief moment, she saw an emotion flash across his face. Was it longing, lust or love? Maybe all three, Robin thought. Whatever it was, it was obvious that his feelings for Liz were intense.

"I think I had too much Lo Mein." She continued, "By the way. Remember that Lo Mein and brownies do not mix." She laughed openly.

"I'll try to remember that." Jason hadn't seen Liz in almost two weeks, and he desperately wanted to ask about her.

Robin watched Jason and knew that he was struggling within. "So I came here for some herbal tea to settle my stomach." She held up the teapot in front of her as evidence. "And to talk to you."

"Me?"

"If you have a few minutes."

Jason sat down across from her as she continued. "I need to apologize for my behavior regarding Michael and AJ."

"There's nothing to..."

Robin held out her hand and cut him off "All I could think of was the lie. I couldn't see the reason for it." She placed her hand gently over his. "You were only trying to protect Michael. At that time, it was your only option. I'm sorry I took that away from you."

Jason looked down at her tiny hand on his and shook his head slowly. "No. you were right. A father should never be separated from his child." The words felt thick on his tongue, and he had a hard time keeping his emotions at bay.

Robin smiled at him and tilted her head slightly. "Not everyone wants to be a father, but for those that do, they owe it to themselves to at least try." She squeezed his hand gently.

Her words stayed with him all day and by late afternoon, he couldn't fight the urge to call Elizabeth. He couldn't keep living this way. Maybe it wasn't perfect enough.

Comments? isitme@witty.com

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