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Smallville Transcripts


First aired October 20, 2005

Picture from "Aqua" of A.C. and Lois

Provided by Suzanne

Lana:  I think you missed a spot.

Clark:  Where?

Lois:  Well, I know what you did this summer.

Clark:  Lois?

Lois:  Oh, don't look so guilty, Smallville. It's about time you lovebirds flapped your wings.

Clark:  What are you doing back?

Lana:  We thought you were in Europe until the end of the year.

Clark:  Hoping.

Lana:  Well, are you gonna stay with Chloe?

Lois:  Actually, I just ran into Mrs. Kent at the Talon, and right out of nowhere, she asked if I'd like to move back in at the farm.

Clark:  Yeah, right. Really?

Lois:  I know. Isn't that sweet? Oh, don't worry. You little snuggle bunnies can hop around all you want. I'm a heavy sleeper.   [ Chuckles ] I'm going for a dip.

Clark:  Think she could sleep through me smothering her with a pillow?

Lana:  [ laughs ] Don't stay in the sun too long. You're gonna get fried.

Chloe:  So, I take it Lana hasn't gotten a peek into the confidential files of Clark Kent yet.

Clark:  Chloe, you think I'm happy about having my powers back and lying about them? I didn't ask for this life.

Chloe:  We didn't ask for a world that needs heroes. But the truth is, we do... now more than ever, Clark.   Something's wrong. Go, Clark.

Lana:  Is she all right?

A.C.:  I'm working on it.

[ Lois gags ]

A.C.: Hey. Maybe you ought to stick to the shallow end till you learn how to swim, gorgeous.

Lois: Maybe you ought to try breath mints, surfer boy.

A.C.:  [ Laughs ] Name's Arthur Curry. My friends call me A.C.

Lana: Come on. We got to get you back to the farm.

Chloe: That was weird. Where did Bobby Baywatch come from?

Clark:  I don't know... but he can sure swim fast.

Chloe:  Are we talking Olympic-gold-medal fast or meteor-freak fast?

Clark:  No, this is something else. He can swim faster than I can.

Fine:  Do you know where the greatest supercomputer in the world resides? Right here. It's the human brain. Yet we only use 10% of it. Good morning, Mr. Kent. Did we start too early for you?

Clark:  Sorry, I kind of got lost.

Fine:  If there are any other wayward travelers, this is "Introduction to World History," and I am Professor Milton Fine. But before we delve into my lectures about the Greeks, Romans, and Spartans -- all of which I'm sure you'll find very enlightening -- let's look at the word "history." History is not about facts. It's about the context and who is telling the story. So, what is history? What is her story? What is your story, Mr. Kent? How will you affect the world around you for the generations to come?

Clark:  I'm not sure you can know that at 18.

Fine:  Tell that to Alexander the Great. Or to bring it closer to home... Lex Luthor. Now, he's not much older than you are, and yet he's turned his father's agribusiness into a leading defense contractor. He's gone from feeding people to killing them. And yet his story is that he is a white knight who's just put a small Kansas town on the map. Beware of white knights, people. They don't, uh, slay dragons. They train them to suit their own dark purpose. Think of Hitler, Stalin, Napoleon.

Clark:  Lex is not a saint... but I don't think you can put him in the same league as those guys.

Fine:  An honest opinion... I like that.

A.C.:  I think it's full. [ Chuckles ]

Lois:  Customers like it that way. More bang for their buck.

A.C.:  I got a buck.

Lois:  Yeah?

A.C.:  Yeah.

Lois:  You should use it to get some fashion sense. You know this, uh, whole orange-and-green thing you got going? It looks like Flipper threw up.

A.C.:  [ Chuckles ] I'll tell you what. You show me how to dress the way you like, and I'll teach you how to swim.

Lois:  [ Scoffs ] I know how to swim. Thank you.

A.C.:  You're welcome. time, I might not be there to suck the water out of those pretty lungs.

Lois:  Look, I didn't need you to play the paramedic, Fish Stick, all right? I just had a little bit of water down the wrong pipe.

A.C.:  You were turning blue.

Lois:  It's a good color on me. Look, it was a freak accident, all right? I practically live in the water.

A.C.:  Me too. But I can swim.

Lois:  So can I. I'm a great swimmer. I can swim like a fish.

A.C.:  Prove it.

Clark:  Professor? I'm sorry to bother you, but I got off on the wrong foot. I wanted to apologize.

Fine:  Never apologize. If you're gonna show up late, at least do it with conviction, Mr. Kent.

Clark:  How do you know my name?

Fine:  What was the first thing you did the day of orientation?

Clark:  I got my picture taken.

Fine:  Yeah, and that photo is in a database which I check before the semester begins. That way, I can call my students by their proper names. Helps the learning process. How long have you been friends with Lex Luthor?

Clark:  Who said we were friends?

Fine:  It's just a deduction. Why else would the son of family farmers be defending such a man?

Clark:  It's a long story. But he's not the man you make him out to be.

Fine:  Well, you know, Groucho Marx said there's only one way to find out if a man's honest -- ask him. If he says, "yes," he must be crooked.

Clark:  I would think a college professor would be quoting Karl Marx, not Groucho.

Fine:  German philosophy's easy. Comedy's hard. Hey, why don't you come work for me? I've been interviewing research assistants for my new book on Luthorcorp. You could find out the truth about Lex Luthor yourself.

Clark:  Thanks, professor, but I'm not really looking for a job right now.

Fine:  You know what's worse than the fear of speaking the truth, Mr. Kent? It's the fear of uncovering it.

Lois:  You coming or what?

A.C.:  Am I coming...I'm waiting on you.

Lois:  I thought you loved the water. You're tiring out already on me.

A.C.:  [ Chuckles ] I'm just enjoying the view.

Lois:  Oh, yeah, yeah. So, you ready to race or what?

A.C.:  You don't really think you're faster than me, do you?

Lois:   Oh, I know I am. Ready?

A.C.:  All right.

Lois:   On three. One, two...

[ Whooshing ]

A.C.:  Hey.

Lois:   Hey! How did you do that?

A.C.:  Don't sweat it. I'm part fish.

Lois:   Ohh.  Thank you.

A.C.:  [ Laughs ]

Lois:   Ohh.

A.C.:  No, that was pretty good.   You can seriously strut out there.

Lois:  Well, lots of practice. My swim teacher was a Navy Seal.

A.C.:  I swim with the seals. They're awesome.

Lois:  You're not a military brat, are you?

A.C.:  Nope. Just a brat. [ Chuckles ]

Lois:  What are you doing?

A.C.:  Ugh. Aah! What's happening? What's going on?! You don't hear that?

Lois:  Hear what?

A.C.:  Aaah!

Lois:  A.C.? A.C.? A.C.?

[ A.J. Groaning ] [ Breathing heavily ]

Lois:  Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Okay, okay. Just lay back, lay back. Oh, no. 

Woman: With the exception of an unexplained disturbance at the site, today's trial was a complete success.

Lex: Great. Send me the tapes. The best part of my job -- watching impossible dreams become reality. How far was the target?

Woman:  Three kilometers away.

Lex:  Three kilometers? That's half a kilometer further than projected.

Woman:  Yes. Leviathan is exceeding all expectations across the board.

Lex:  If this goes well tomorrow, my associates from the Pentagon are gonna want to put Leviathan on every vessel in the fleet.

Woman:  What about marine life? We still haven't figured out how to protect them --

Lex:  There are plenty of fish in the sea, Doctor. Nobody's gonna miss a couple that go belly-up. Let's get Leviathan back to the lab.

Lois:  Hey.

A.C.:  Thanks.

Lois:  You know, we really should get you checked out at a hospital.

A.C.:  No, I'm cool.

Lois:  Is that surfer talk for, "there was blood coming out of my ears"? 'Cause, you know, on dry land, that usually isn't a good sign.

A.C.:  It's probably just an ear infection or something. Can we just drop it?

Lois:  Uh... sure.

A.C.:  What are you doing?

Lois:  Seeing if you have a fever.

A.C.:  You really don't listen, do you?

Lois:  No, I try not to. I find it distracting.

A.C.:  Well... what's the verdict, doc?

Lois:  You're actually a little cold.

A.C.:  That's weird. I'm feeling kind of warm right now. [ Chuckles ]

Lois:  Does that line ever work on anyone?

A.C.:  I figured it was, like, a one in 10 shot. But you're worth the risk.

Lois:  You don't even know me.

A.C.:  What's to know? You're abrasive, sarcastic. You never shut up.

Lois:  Yeah, and those are my good qualities.

A.C.:  Oh, I know.

Lois:  Look, just because you saved me when I wasn't really drowning does not give you the right to slobber all over me.

A.C.:  I'm sorry.

Lois:  You should be.

[ Door opens ]

Clark: Lois.

Lois:  Hey, Smallville.

Clark: Lois is all over this guy, and all we know about him is that he can swim faster than I can.

Chloe: Well, let me look him up. He's a sophomore at The University of Miami, majoring in marine biology. Oh, and here's a shocker -- he's on the swim team, leaving all of his competition in the wake.

Clark: Does he have a criminal record?

Chloe: Uh... yeah. Last year, he broke into the Ocean Village Resort.

Clark: What'd he steal?

Chloe: Eight dolphins. He busted open an underwater fence and released them back into the ocean. I don't know, Clark -- it doesn't really sound like FBI's most-wanted material to me.

Clark: Maybe it's the only thing he's been caught for.

Chloe: Maybe, but, I mean, according to all of this, he has never dipped a fin in Smallville until now. It sort of shoots down our meteor-freak theory.

Clark: He's not the first guy I met who didn't get his abilities from meteor rocks.

Chloe: Really?

Clark: There was this kid last year. He kind of ran too fast for his own good.

Chloe: Well, so far the only thing we have on Arthur Curry is that he saved Lois from being permanently waterlogged. Clark, are you sure you're not just upset that someone was stealing your hero thunder?

Clark: I don't know what it is about this guy... ...but I get a bad feeling.

Lois: You guys, you should have seen this guy. It was amazing. I've never seen anybody swim so fast.

Lana:  Or drink so much water.

A.C.:  [ Laughs ] It keeps my skin soft.

Clark: So, how do you like the University of Miami?

Lois: You go to school in Miami?

A.C.:  Yeah. How'd you know that?

Clark: I'm a big fan of college swimming.

Lana:  Really? Since when?

Clark: Since Arthur Curry started dominating the sport. So how'd you learn to swim so fast?

A.C.:  I don't know.  [ Chuckles ] I guess it runs in the family. My dad operates a lighthouse down south. He swims like a lead weight. So it must have been my mom with the skills, but...she died when I was a baby.

Lois:  A.C., I'm so sorry.

A.C.:  I'm not gonna say it doesn't suck, know, growing up by the water was awesome. I probably spent more time in it than out.

Clark: And what brings you to the most landlocked spot on the map?

A.C.:  Crater Lake. The last few months a bunch of fish have been dying off. And the E.P.A. blames it on temperature change, but I think that's totally bogus.

Clark: Smallville's a long way to go to check on temperature changes.

A.C.:  Not if you care about the world you live in. See, people think that what happens in oceans and lakes doesn't affect their lives. But it does. It's all connected.

Clark: Do you really believe that, or is that a pickup line?

Lana:  Clark!

Lois:  Smallville, can I talk to you over here for a minute? [ Chuckles ] There's a cinnamon bun I need your opinion on. What are you doing? I already have an overprotective dad. I don't need an overprotective brother, especially one who isn't my brother.

Clark:  Am I the only one who thinks there's something fishy about this guy?

Lois:  Yes! Now quit being a jerk! I'm sorry about that.

A.C.:  No, it's cool. I got to bounce.

Lois:  Do you want some company?

A.C.:  No, I-I have a few things I need to take care of, so I'll just swing by later.

Clark:  You know, you're right. I was being a jerk. I'm gonna go apologize.

Lois:  I don't know how you put up with him, Lana.

Lois:  Thanks for dropping that bomb on my date, Smallville. Did you apologize to A.C.?

Clark: I didn't get a chance to.

Lois:  Why not?

Clark: He was too busy playing terrorist.

Lois:  What?!

Clark: Lois, I saw him trying to blow up some sort of lab.

Lois:  You really don't like him, do you?

Clark: It has nothing to do with the way I feel.

Lois:  No? Attacking A.C., making up stories? You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd think somebody was jealous.

A.C.:  Is she great or what?

Clark: Arthur.

A.C.:  Call me A.C.  Man, I thought I had the hookup, but the way you flak-jacketed that c4... ugh, that was awesome, bro. I was just trying to stop a bomb, but you were gonna set off, bro. Yeah. Nice work. Thanks to you, the oceans are one step closer to becoming a graveyard.

Clark: That thing you were trying to blow up, it has something to do with all the dead fish?

A.C.:  No, not something --everything. It's a sonar weapon called Leviathan. It emits some kind of focused sound wave that packs enough punch to rip a submarine in half.

Clark: How do you know that?

A.C.:  I peeked at some documents at the lab. They had "Luthorcorp" stamped all over them.

Clark: You mean Lex is trying to develop some sort of weapon?

A.C.:  One that also happens to kill any sea life around it... even when it's on standby. In four hours, he's demoing Leviathan for the pentagon. If they bite and start dropping these things in the water, it'll be an ecological disaster. We have to stop him.

Clark: I'll go talk to Lex.

A.C.:  There isn't enough time. Come on, superboy. With you on the turf and me in the surf, we could stop this thing cold.

Clark: By blowing up his lab?

A.C.:  Well, I'm not gonna sit back and let this happen, Clark. I was born with an amazing gift, and I plan to use it to help protect this planet.

Clark: I'm not gonna let you put innocent lives at risk.

A.C.:  Like your buddy Lex Luthor?

Clark: He's not my buddy --not anymore. But I think we can get him to listen.

A.C.:  You think he doesn't know what this thing does? He doesn't care.

Clark: You want to work together, then we go clear this up with Lex -- that's the deal.

A.C.:  All right, we'll try it your way, boy scout. Let's have words with the cue ball.

Lex:  Clark. You got here fast.

Clark: Thanks for seeing us, Lex.

Lex:  Well, I only have a few minutes.  I'm on my way out.

A.C.:  Yeah, we know, bro.

Lex:  Now, I don't believe we've had the pleasure.

Clark: Lex, this is my friend from out of town -- Arthur Curry.

A.C.:  You have to stop it.

Lex:  Stop what?

Clark: We know about the weapon you're testing, Lex. I guess the billions you make from agriculture isn't enough.

Lex:  [ Chuckles ] One day of college, and he's already an activist. Clark, the only weapon I'm developing is the kind that fights hunger. My team's been working on a strain of fast-growing high-protein kelp --

A.C.:  Leviathan has nothing to do with feeding the hungry, Luthor! It's a weapon that'll kill everything in the water.

Lex:  I'm sorry.  Who are you again?

A.C.:  Someone that actually cares about the world he lives in.

Clark: You have to shut Leviathan down. There's other ways to defend this country.

Lex:  The days of you barging into my home to give me sage advice are over.

Clark:  Lex, whatever our differences, I don't want to see you get hurt. There are people out there who will do whatever it takes to stop you.

Lex:  If you think I'm gonna bow down to the thuggish tactics of extremists, you really don't know me very well.

A.C.:  I told you this was a waste of time.

Clark:  Arthur.

A.C.:  You know, you're a real tool, Lex. I hope you get what you deserve. I'm out of here. I got things to do.

Lex:  Your new friend's got a bit of an anger problem.

Clark: He gets that way when someone's trying to destroy what he loves.

Lex:  Clark, I'm not trying to destroy anything.

Clark: Lex, don't bother trying to cover it up. The days of me believing your lies are over.

[ Door closes ]

A.C.:  Why are you doing this to me?

Lex:  One, you called me a tool. And two, most people I know need scuba gear to breathe underwater.

A.C.:   [ Breathing heavily ] I'm just good at holding my breath.

Lex:  I...I guess I shouldn't be surprised there's something unusual about you. I mean, you are a friend of Clark Kent's.

A.C.:  [ Breathing heavily ] He doesn't know anything about this. How about some water? I'm running a little thirsty.

Lex:  So am I. I have a thirst for knowledge, one that never seems to get quenched. What group are you with? Guardians of the Sea?

A.C.:  I don't travel with an entourage. Please...[ Labored breathing ] ...I need some water.

Lex:  [ Sighs ] Now, I usually don't deny my guests a drink, but... something tells me if I give you water...

[ A.C. gasping ] .

Lex:  ..You'll bust out of those restraints before the glass is empty. Now, let's try again. How are you able to breathe underwater?

A.C.:  Shut down Leviathan, and I'll tell you everything you want to know.

Woman: Mr. Luthor, Leviathan is submerged. The clients are in the viewing room. All systems are ready to go.

Lex:  Well...[ Sighs ] ...I guess we'll have to pick this up later.

A.C.:  Please!  [ Voice breaking ] Please. Please. [ Labored breathing ] I don't care what you do to me. Please destroy that weapon.

Lex:  Wow.  Okay, you convinced me. I'll flush $100 million in "R" and "D" down the toilet and put the nation's fleet at risk while I'm at it. You might be a big fish in the water, but up here, I'm the shark.

A.C.:  [ Raspy breathing ] No! [ Wheezing ] Water.[ Wheezing continues ] Uh! Ugh! Grrr!

Clark:  I knew I'd find you here.  Are you okay?

A.C.:  Wet and ready, bro. The test is going down.  But security's everywhere. I'll never make it through in time.

Clark:  You might be able to...with a little help.

Lex:  Gentlemen, I stand before you humbled by a technology that will forever tip the balance of naval power in our favor.

Admiral:  That's a bold claim.

Lex:  You'll see it with your own eyes. Let the show begin.

Women:  Activating ranging system. Modulator engaged.   What the hell was that?

Lex:  What's going on?

Admiral:  Looks to me like Mr. Luthor's miracle weapon just self-destructed.

Women:  Admiral. Admiral, please.

Lex:  Yes, Admiral. I understand.  I'm sorry to have wasted your time.  Clark. I thought the next time I'd see you, you'd be waving a banner at some protest rally outside Luthorcorp.

Clark:  You know, Lex, I was thinking I'd write a paper on that high-protein kelp you said you were working on.  Are there any new developments?

Lex:  [ Chuckles ] Well, it's funny you should ask. The project was derailed by a couple of misguided vandals. The equipment's damaged beyond repair.

Clark:  Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Lex:  Maybe. Say, how's your friend? Arthur?

Clark:  I don't know.  I haven't seen him.

Lex:  Well, if you bump into him, tell him I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

Clark:  Lex, do you ever stop and think about where your life is heading?

Lex:  Tsk. All the time. It's a complicated world, Clark. Only the naive view it in black and white.

Clark:  You know, the other day, a professor of mine... he accused Luthorcorp of being evil and you being just short of the devil.

Lex:  Well, you didn't tell him about my pitchfork, did you?

Clark:  I defended you. I guess I am naive.

A.C.:  You got some awesome stuff in here, bro.

Clark:  Yeah, I got the feeling the ocean floor's a little more interesting.

A.C.:  And it'll stay that way now, thanks to you.

Clark:  Well, I did have some help.

A.C.:  We could make a pretty good team, huh? Maybe we should start up a junior lifeguard association or something.

Clark:  I'm not sure I'm ready for the J.L.A. just yet... unless you promise to stop blowing things up.

A.C.:  As long as Luthor sticks to dry land, I'll keep the seafloor to myself. But if anyone messes with my home...

Clark:  Look, I don't think Leviathan's gonna be a threat again. But Lex might.  He's seen your abilities. He'll turn the world upside down looking for you.

A.C.:  The world's three-quarters water. Good luck finding me.

Clark:  What about school in Miami?

A.C.:  Guess the swim team will have to find another handsome stud.

Clark:  Just stay out of trouble, all right...A.C.?

A.C.:  Try to get in some, Clark. Stay super, bro.

Fine:   If you've dropped my class, I hope you haven't come to apologize.

Clark:  You were right... about Lex.

Fine:   Of course I was. I'll never lie to you, Mr. Kent.  After all, I'm--I'm an educator.  Well, truth is my life's work.

Clark:  [ Inhales deeply ] It might be too late,  but I was wondering if the research assistant position was still available.

Fine:  It is, but I'm not interested in hiring someone who changes their mind as often as they change their clothes.

Clark:  Professor, I can't just sit back and watch anymore. And if your book is gonna expose the truth about Luthorcorp, I want to be a part of it.

Fine:   I expect my research assistants to be smart, thorough, and show up to each and every class.

Clark:  I can guarantee it.

Fine:   All right. You know, history shows us that every decision a man makes has an effect on the sum of his life. You've made the right  decision, Mr. Kent.

Lois: You haven't learned, have you? Orange and green --totally hideous together

A.C.:  I didn't think you were gonna show.   I just wanted to say goodbye.

Lois:  You going to Miami?

A.C.:  [ Chuckles ] No. I think I'm gonna take some time off... float around for a little while... see where the current takes me.

Lois:  If those currents ever bring you back to Smallville...

A.C.:  I don't think that's gonna happen... ...not for a while.

Lois:  Oh.

Lois:  You know, my first week of college, the only book I cracked open was the "bartenders' guide," and even that was the cliff notes version.

Clark:  Well... I guess we're two different types of students.

Lois:  I hope so, for your sake. Look, Clark, I know that I got a little thorny when you raised the red flag on A.C.

Clark:  I was just trying to look out for you.

Lois:  And I appreciate it. I've just never had someone to help guide me through the shark-infested ocean of romance -- not that I can't fend for myself.

Clark:  You know, I think I was wrong about our friend A.C. He was a little misguided, but...his heart was in the right place.

Lois:  Yeah, he was definitely unique. I've known a lot of guys who want to own the world. I haven't met very many who actually want to save it. How am I ever gonna meet someone like that again?

Clark:  Lois, I promise, someday... you'll meet someone even more special.

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Updated 3/14/06  


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