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Bones Favorite Quotes Page
Funniest and
Best Lines from the show!
"Pilot"
Temperance: I was never reduced to flashing my
boobs for information.
Angela: Flash them for any fun reasons?
Temperance: I was literally neck deep in a mass
grave, not romantic.
Angela: You know, diving in a pit of cadavers is no
way to handle a messy break up.
[Homeland Security agent opens the
bag to reveal a skull]
Temperance: Boo.
[Cut to profile view of the skull, fade to Brennan
sitting at a table]
Temperance: I am Doctor Temperance Brennan. I’ve
been in Guatemala for two months identifying victims
of genocide including him.
[Gesturing to the skull]
Agent: Most people in this situation, what they do
is, they sweat it.
Temperance: Guatemala, genocide? How are you scary
after that?
Agent: You know who doesn’t sweat it?
[Cut to female agent who is also in the room]
Agent 2: Sociopaths.
Temperance: I am not a sociopath, I’m an
anthropologist at the Jeffersonian.
Booth: [To the Agent] FBI. Special
Agent Seeley Booth, Major Crime Investigation, D.C.
Bones identifies bodies for us.
Temperance: Don’t call me Bones. And I do more than
identify.
Temperance: That’s the best you can
do?
Booth: What?
Temperance: Getting Homeland Security to snatch me
so that you can stage a fake rescue.
Booth: Well, at least I picked you up at the
airport, huh?
Booth: Alright, listen. A decomposed
corpse was found this morning at Arlington National
Cemetery down…
Temperance: Arlington National Cemetery is full of
decomposed corpses, it’s… a cemetery.
Booth: Yeah, but this one is your type of corpse, it
wasn’t in a casket.
Temperance: If you drive one more block, I’m
screaming ‘kidnap’ out the window.
Temperance: I find you very
condescending.
Booth: Me! I’m condescending. I’m not the one who’s
got to mention that she’s got a Doctorate every,
five, minutes.
Temperance: I am the one with the Doctorate.
Booth: Yeah, well you know what? I’m the one with
the badge and the gun huh. You know, you’re not the
only forensic anthropologist in town.
Temperance: [Laughing] Yes I am. The next nearest is
in Montreal. Parlez-vous francais?
Zach: How was Guatemala? Dig up lots
of massacred victims? Learn a thing or two about
machete strikes?
Temperance: Zach, I need water samples and
temperature readings from the pond.
Zach: Right away, Dr. Brennan.
Booth: He’s got no sense of discretion, that kid.
Typical Squint…
Temperance: I don’t know what that means.
Booth: When cops get stuck, we bring in people like
you. You know? Squints. You know, you squint at
things.
Temperance: Oh, you mean people with very high IQ’s
and basic reasoning skills.
Booth: [Looking chastised] Yeah.
Dr. Goodman: What’s the rule, Mr.
Addy?
Zach: [Sighing] You only converse with PhD’s. You
realize I am half way through two Doctorates? Two
halves make a whole, so mathematically speaking…
Dr. Goodman: Go polish a bone, Mr. Addy!
Hodgins: The pond is not only warm
and teeming with microbes, which accelerated
decomposition, but it houses black carp and coy
which fed on the body.
Angela: Can I, as the only normal person in this
room, say, Ew?
Zach: [To Brennan] Point of
clarification, I’m not a virgin. Nowhere near in
fact.
Angela: Who you captured perfectly, is Booth.
Buttoned down but buckets of sexual confidence
which, uhhh, I for one would love to tap.
Zack: It’s not right to discuss tapping asses in
front of a soaker.
Temperance: Zach, I don’t like those
terms for human remains; soaker, crispy critter…
Zach: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.
Cullen: So, you guaranteed a squint
a field role in an active murder investigation.
Booth: Yes,, sir.
Cullen: The one that wrote the book.
Booth: Yes sir.
Cullen: Thought you said that she wouldn’t work with
you anymore.
Booth: Well, the last case we worked, she provided a
description of the murder weapon and the murderer,
but I didn’t give her much credence.
Cullen: Why not?
Booth: Because she did it by looking at the victim’s
autopsy x-rays.
Cullen: [Snort] Well, I wouldn’t give it much
credence either.
Booth: Turns out she was right on both. Plus, the
pond victim-- Brennan gives me the victim’s age, sex
and favourite sport.
Cullen: [Chuckling] Which is?
Booth: Tennis.
Cullen: [In awe] She’s good.
Booth: Oh, she’s amazing. If the only way I can get
her back to my side is to bring her out in the
field, I’m willing.
Cullen: Well, Squints like to stay safe, back at the
lab. What’s with Brennan?
Booth: Remember a case back in the early 90’s, a
couple goes missing on the interstate, car was found
at a rest stop?
Cullen: Yeah. Upstate New York, upstanding citizens,
nobody found anything…
Booth: Those are Brennan’s parents.
Cullen: [Thinking] Fine. She’s on you. Take a Squint
out in the field, she’s your responsibility.
Booth: Thank you sir.
Temperance: Does she look familiar
to anyone?
Booth: [Shaking his head in disbelief] No…
Temperance: [To Angela] Split the difference, mixed
race.
Angela: Lenny Kravitz or Vanessa Williams?
Temperance: I don’t know what that means.
Zach: I’m not an expert but,
shouldn’t he be happier?
Booth: Oh no, believe me, I’m happy.
Hodgins: He’s not happy because Senator Bethlehem
chairs the Senate Committee overseeing the FBI.
Angela: You seem happy to me.
Booth: I need this kept quiet.
Hodgins: Ha! Cover up!
Booth: Paranoid conspiracy theory.
Hodgins: Is it paranoia that Monica Lewinsky was a
KGB trained sex agent mole?
Booth: A case this big and the
Director is going to create a special investigation,
and if I line all my ducks up in a row I could
maybe, maybe I can head it up.
Temperance: I don’t know what that means, but I
think I could be a duck.
Booth: You’re not a duck, ok? On this one, we stick
to the book. Cops on the street, Squints in the lab.
Temperance: Well, in that case, the Jeffersonian
will be issuing a press release identifying the girl
in the pond.
Booth: You do that, I’m a dead duck. What are you
trying to do?
Temperance: Blackmail you.
Booth: Blackmail a Federal Agent?
Temperance: Yes.
Booth: I don’t like it.
Temperance: I’m fairly certain you’re not supposed
to.
Booth: Fine. You’re in.
Brennan: Those people deserved the
truth.
Booth: Their daughter was murdered, they deserve the
kindness of a lie.
Brennan: There‘ll be an inquest report.
Booth: Which they won’t read because they don’t want
to, especially because toward the end, Cleo and her
parents weren’t even speaking.
Brennan: They told you that?
Booth: You know, getting information out of live
people is a lot different than getting information
out of a pile of bones, you have to offer up
something of yourself first.
Bones: What exactly did you do in the military?
Booth: See? See what you did right there Bones? You
asked a personal question without offering anything
personal in return and since I’m not a skeleton, you
get zilch. Sorry.
Hodgins: In a nutshell; anxious,
depressed and nauseous.
Brennan: Take a sick day.
Hodgins: Not me. Cleo Eller. Pupal casings show that
she was on Lorazepam, Chloradiazepoxide, and
Meclizine Hydrochloride.
Brennan: What if Booth’s right. What
if I’m only good with bones and lousy with people?
Angela: People like you.
Brennan: I don’t care if men like me.
Angela: [Chuckling wryly] Okay, interesting leap
from people to men but I’m sure it means nothing.
Brennan: I hate psychology. [Chuckling
disbelievingly] My most meaningful relationships are
with dead people!
Angela: Who said that?
Brennan: It’s true!
Booth: Come on, Bones… [As they are
leaving Cullen’s office] You okay?
Brennan: Don’t be nice to me after I got you in
trouble.
Booth: Your heart was in the right place.
Brennan: No, I’m not a heart person. You’re a heart
person, I‘m a brain person. You vouched for me.
Booth: Forget it…
Brennan: You want to check him out,
we can, I don’t, what do you call it, roost him?
Booth: [Smirking] Rouse.
Brennan: Rouse. Well the murderer snatched a Bronze
Star from Cleo’s neck so…
Booth: I’ve got twelve hours before this case is
over and I’m off it so, let’s go rouse.
Brennan: I believe that the
distinctive damage to her distal phalanges, the tips
of her finger bones, was caused by the murderer
using a knife to remove her finger pads. Cranial
fragmentation suggests a 20lb hammer striking four
to five times while the victims head rested on a
cement floor containing traces of diatomaceous
earth, that’s the best explanation for the
particulates found in her skull. This was not a
crime of passion.
Angela: Cleo never saw the first stab coming, it
didn’t arise out of an argument. Why smash Cleo’s
face, why whittle away her finger tips, remove her
clothing and her jewelry?
Zach: Sink her body.
Brennan: The murderer put more effort into hiding
the victim’s identity than he did into the murder
itself.
Hodgins: In case Cleo was identified, the murderer
planted evidence. The little book that Brennan got
from the stalker matches the cellulose I found in
Cleo’s hand.
Angela: Military cemetery, military knife implicate
her own father. More misdirection.
Hodgins: Sound like any conniving, son-of-bitch
senators you know?
Booth: You expect me to declare war on a United
States Senator based on your little holographic
crystal ball?
Brennan: It’s not magic. It’s a logical recreation
of events based on evidence.
Booth: No more valid than my gut.
Hodgins: [Holding up Oliver’s book]
Let’s take guidance from the lives of the Saints.
Angels: Albertus Magnus, Patron Saint of Scientists.
Zach: I thought Magnus was the Patron Saint of fish
mongers?
Hodgins: Two separate entities. Albertus Magnus was
a 13th century philosopher, the fish monger saint
was a …
Brennan: Fish! [Everyone stares at Brennan]
Booth: Told you it wasn’t the
Senator.
Brennan: And I told you who it was, so we’re even.
Booth: Except we work on the same cases and you end
up on the New York Times Best Sellers list.
Brennan: I didn’t know that!
Booth: Number Three, with a bullet.
Brennan: That’s good, right!?! The New York Times
with a bullet…
Booth: It means you’re rich. Call your accountant.
Brennan: [Laughing] I don’t have an accountant.
Booth: Well, get one.
Brennan: Okay, how does that work?
Booth: Ughh, you need to get out of the lab, you
know? Watch TV, turn on the radio--anything! Pick up
the phone and….
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