Alan Shore (looking at Brad in amazement): Do you do tongue push-ups?
Alan Shore: Mine. Ex-girlfriend. Tried to kill me.
Paul Lewiston: This is the commitment proceeding?
Alan Shore: She was committed. This hearing is to secure her release.
Lori Colson: Wait a second. She tried to kill you?
Alan Shore: She did.
Lori Colson: And now she wants out?
Alan Shore: She does.
Lori Colson: And you’re trying to help her get out?
Alan Shore: I am.
Dr. Bender: Mr. Shore, you were her lover.
Alan Shore: Any bias that I might have in favor of Christine would be more
than offset by the fact that she tried
to kill me.
Martha Silver: Frankly, we’re insulted by that. It might get you a spot on
Good Morning America, but—
Alan Shore: I’m trying to get her a spot of freedom.
Dr. Bender: Freedom is a privilege, Mr. Shore, not a right.
Alan Shore: A privilege?
Dr. Bender: Yes, and it’s revocable. Especially if you try to run someone
over with an automobile.
Lori Colson: You know, I’d stake out a little distance from that Shore guy,
Sally. He tends to leave people’s
minds a little worse off than he finds them. His old girlfriend, case in
point.
(Alan enters the kitchenette.)
Alan Shore: You two discussing cases? I wasn’t aware you provided emotional
counsel as well as legal, Lori.
That’s quite a perk.
Lori Colson: A woman tries to kill you. You go to represent her. You don’t
think there’s a pathology at play
here? I refer to yours.
Alan Shore: I got the reference. Thank you. Speaking as an enormously
unlikeable person, I find it difficult to
maintain grudges against all those who wanna kill me. Don’t you? (Lori
smiles, and starts to leave.) Yes,
you’ll perhaps find that witty comeback in your office.
Brad Chase: He’s got a motion for costs. For sanctions. He’s ordered a
transcript so he can read back to the
judge what you said today.
Denny Crane: Good. Then I won’t have to bother trying to remember.
Brad Chase: Damn it, Denny. You’re way out of line. This woman has just lost
a husband. You’re asking her
questions about her sex life, her perfume.
Denny Crane: I know what I’m doing.
Brad Chase: Which is?
Denny Crane: It’ll come to me.
Brad Chase: That lawyer is going to pick you apart in open court tomorrow.
Denny Crane: Let him try. Denny Crane.
Alan Shore: I demand only one thing in a relationship, Christine. That I
remain utterly alone.
Alan Shore: Your flight was canceled?
Christine Pauley: I’m rescheduled at 4:30. This is why I’ve refused to fly
for the last two years. That, and I’ve
been locked up.
(Sally is looking through books in the CP&S library. Alan walks up behind
her, unnoticed, pulls back her
hair and starts nuzzling her ear. Sally smiles.)
Sally Heep: Brad? She smiles and turns to face him.
Alan Shore: Funny. You’d like me to feel threatened, wouldn’t you? I may not
be able to talk as fast, but my
tongue is certainly more versatile.
Sally Heep: (Laughs.) I miss you. (Leans over and kisses him.) I have a
friend who has this amazing house in
Vermont. Maybe for Columbus weekend we could sneak up there.
Alan Shore: I love Vermont. Would you allow me to cover your body in maple
syrup?
Brad Chase: Hey, how ya doing?
Alan Shore: Brad. Just talking about you. (Pauses.) Okay, we weren’t.
Lori Colson: Don’t you think Sally might object to this?
Alan Shore: We’re non-exclusive when it comes to feet.
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