Top Ten Things Not To Do If You Are Faking Paralysis
re: Andy Dixon
By Bethany
1. Do not have the surgeon who is in love with your wife operate
on you. How
do you know that you will not be permanently paralyzed instead of
faking?
2. Do not have your father who is a prominent doctor get the
books for you
to read on how to administer the medication you need to do it
yourself. He is
a doctor, sooner or later is going to figure out what you needed
those books
for and then where will you be. We know he is a good liar, but even
he can
only lie so much.
3. Never turn your back on someone who is questioning the
possibility that
you are faking. There are all kinds of needles and pins in the house
and you
can never predict when he might decide to "needle" you with
one.
4. Do not try to stay paralyzed for the sake of a woman who doesn't
love you.
What are you planning to do with her? If you are paralyzed, you
can't move,
so what good is it to have a fine babe around if you can't enjoy it.
5. Never steal medicine off the cart at the hospital. Your father is
a
doctor, your stepfather is a doctor. You should know that they
count that
stuff at the end of each shift and someone is going to wonder where
it went.
6. If you ignored run 5 and did it anyway, never throw the remains
of what
you took in a garbage can inside the hospital that you stole it
from. Pack it
up in your clothes, flush it down the toilet, crush the syringe but
never
just place the whole packaging in a trash can that someone with an
inquiring
mind will find. Are you nuts?
7. Never try to inject yourself in the back with a medication that
will
render you temporarily paralyzed. You are not a doctor and how do
you propose
to be able to count the vertebrae in your back to make sure that you
get it
between the correct 2. There is no way humanly possible, unless you
are
double-jointed that you can get yourself in the correct position to
do this.
8. If you are finally caught, do not attempt to cover this lie with
another
lie. Have you not learned anything? Get in there, tell the truth and
let the
chips fall where they may not matter what your father says.
9. Do not lie to your mother. You should know that if anyone is
going to make
you live up to your mistakes, it will be the saintly Kim. Yes, we
all know
she has made a mistake or two but nothing lately so the earlier
mistakes
don't count against her now.
10. Don't be stupid enough to believe that it is all going to be
live and let
live. You have hurt a lot of people including yourself and you must
suck it
up now and get on with the business of living.
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Page updated 6/4/11
