Sheldon: Alright, I’m moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of
Orcs from Lord of the Rings, we flank the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North
once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
Howard: Not so fast, remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus
Superman and Godzilla.
Leonard: No, no, no, no, Orcs are magic, Superman is vulnerable to magic, not to
mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
Raj: Why don’t you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh.
Penny: Hi, you guys ready to order?
Howard: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu Gods against the entire
Union army?
Leonard: And Orcs!
Penny: I’ll be back.
Raj: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles, and Shiva is the destroyer.
When the smoke clears, Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint
juleps.
Penny: Alright, my boss says you either have to order, or leave and never come
back.
Sheldon: We don’t eat here, I don’t know what’s good.
Penny: Well, it’s all good.
Sheldon: Statistically unlikely.
Penny: Oh, wow, a girl scientist.
Lesley: Yep, come for the breasts, stay for the brains. So, I’m glad I ran into
you, the physics department string quartet needs a new cellist.
Leonard: What happened to Elliot Wong?
Lesley: He switched over to high energy radiation research, had a little mishap,
and now the other guys are uncomfortable sitting next to him. So, are you in?
Leonard: Yeah, sure, why not.
Lesley: Great, we rehearse on Tuesdays at your place.
Leonard: Why at my place?
Lesley: Yeah, the department of energy said our regular space is kind of a hot
zone. Nice meeting you.
Raj: Oh dear.
Howard: What’s the matter?
Raj: She didn’t take my order.
Howard: How can she take your order when you’re too neurotic to talk to her.
Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.
Leonard: What did Penny mean, you’d make a cute couple?
Sheldon: Well I assume she meant that the two of you together would constitute a
couple that others might consider cute. An alternate, and somewhat less likely
interpretation, is that you could manufacture one. As in, oh look, Leonard and
Lesley made Mr and Mrs Goldfarb, aren’t they adorable.
Leonard: If Penny didn’t know that Lesley had already turned me down then that
would unambiguously mean that she, Penny, thought that I should her, Lesley,
out, indicating that she, Penny, had no interest in me asking her, Penny, out.
But because she did know that I had asked Lesley out and that she, Lesley, had
turned me down then she, Penny, could be offering consolation. That’s too bad,
you would have made a cute couple. But while thinking, good, Leonard remains
available.
Sheldon: You’re a lucky man, Leonard.
Leonard: How so?
Sheldon: You’re talking to one of the three men in the Western hemisphere
capable of following that train of thought.
Leonard: Well, what do you think.
Sheldon: I said I could follow it, I didn’t say I cared.
Lesley: Just so we’re clear, you understand that me hanging back to practise
with you is a pretext for letting you know that I’m sexually available.
Leonard: Really?
Lesley: Yeah, I’m good to go.
Leonard: I thought you weren’t interested in me.
Lesley: That was before I saw you handling that beautiful piece of wood between
your legs.
Leonard: You mean my cello?
Lesley: No, I mean the obvious crude double entendre. I’m seducing you.
Leonard: No kidding?
Lesley: What can I say, I’m a passionate and impulsive woman. So how about it?
Leonard: Gee, uh…
Lesley: Why don’t we finish the section first.
Leonard: Oh. Okay. A little musical foreplay. Terrific.
Sheldon: I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.
Penny: I’m sorry?
Sheldon: Semiotics. The study of signs and symbols, it’s a branch of philosophy
related to linguistics.
Penny: Okay, sweetie, I know you think you’re explaining yourself, but you’re
really not.
Sheldon: My equations, someone’s tampered with my equations.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Sheldon: Of course I’m sure. Look at the beta-function of quantum chrono-dynamics,
the sign’s been changed.
Leonard: Oh yeah. But doesn’t that fix the problem you’ve been having?
Sheldon: Are you insane? Are you out of your mind? Are you…. hey look, that
fixes the problem I’ve been having.
Lesley (entering): You’re welcome.
Sheldon: You did this?
Lesley: Yeah, I noticed it when I got up to get a glass of water, so I fixed it,
now you can show that quarks are asymptotically free at high energies. Pretty
cool, huh?
Sheldon: Cool?
Penny: So, how’s it going?
Leonard: Pretty good.
Penny: Just pretty good, I’d think you were doing very good.
Leonard: Pretty, very, there’s really no objective scale for delineating
variations of good, why do you ask?
Sheldon: Do you realise I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?
Leonard: You know what, I’m being ridiculous. But who cares what Penny thinks,
Lesley is a terrific girl, she’s attractive, we like each other, she’s extremely
intelligent.
Sheldon: She’s not that intelligent.
Leonard: She fixed your equation.
Sheldon: She got lucky.
Leonard: You don’t believe in luck.
Sheldon: I don’t have to believe in it for her to be lucky.
Lesley: Uh, what are you doing?
Leonard: Just extending the intimacy. Do you want to slip over to the radiation
lab and share a decontamination shower?
Lesley: Okay, uh, what exactly do you think’s going on between us?
Leonard: I’m not sure, but I think I’m about to discover how the banana felt.
Lesley: Listen, Leonard, neither of us are neuroscientists but we both
understand the biochemistry of sex, I mean, dopamine in our brains is released
across synapses causing pleasure. You stick electrodes in a rat’s brain, give
him an orgasm button, he’ll push that thing until he starves to death.
Sheldon: You know, I think I may have misjudged this restaurant.
Leonard: No kidding.
Sheldon: I won’t go out on a limb, but I think we may be looking at my new
Tuesday hamburger.
Leonard: Your old Tuesday hamburger will be so broken hearted.
Sheldon: Way ahead of you. I was thinking of moving Big Boy to Thursdays, and
just dropping Soup Plantation.
Leonard: Really?
Sheldon: Yeah, the name always confused me anyway, Soup Plantation. You can’t
grow soup.
Sheldon: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single
decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double decker. This has a much more
satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
