Sheldon: Wooh, I’m all sweaty, anybody want to log on to second life and go
swimming, I just built a virtual pool.
Leonard: No, I can’t look at you or your avatar right now.
Sheldon: Well, at least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted
smouldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her, and analyse the
data so
that you don’t crash into geek mountain again.
Howard: I disagree, love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. A relentless pursuit
that only ends when she falls into your arms. Or hits you with the pepper spray.Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn’t, would you want
me to tell you?
Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I’m a robot, will I be able to handle
it?
Howard: Maybe, although the history of science-fiction is not on your side.
Sheldon: Uh, let me ask you this. When I learn that I’m a robot, would I be
bound by Asimov’s three laws of robotics?
Raj: You might be bound by them right now.
Howard: That’s true. Have you ever harmed a human being, or through inaction
allowed a human being to come to harm?
Sheldon: Of course not.
Howard: Have you ever harmed yourself, or allowed yourself to be harmed except
in cases where a human being would have been endangered?
Sheldon: Well, no.
Howard: I smell robot.
Leonard (entering): Hey, what’s going on.
Sheldon: The internet’s been down for half an hour.
Raj: Also, Sheldon may be a robot.Sheldon: Oh, I’ve seen that look before. This is just going to be two weeks of
moping and tedious emo songs, and calling me to come down to pet stores to look
at
cats. I don’t know if I can take it.Sheldon: If you’re compiling a mix CD for a double suicide. (Leonard is taking
supplies out of a bag) Oh, I hope that scratching post is for you.
Leonard: I know what you’re thinking, I’ve taken your asthma into account.
There’s a feline geneticist in San Diego who has developed the cutest little
hypo-allergenic calicos.Sheldon: Leonard, do you really think you can satisfy your need for a
relationship with a genetically altered cat?
Leonard: Maybe, if it’s a cute little cuddly cat.
Sheldon: Oh, come on, Leonard! This is obviously about Penny.
Leonard: It doesn’t matter. The woman’s not interested in me, the woman rejected
me.
Sheldon: Okay, look, I think that you have as much of a chance of having a
sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at
the centre
of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit
breaker. Nevertheless, I do feel obligated to point out to you that she did no
reject you. You
did not ask her out.Penny: Six thirty.
Leonard: And that’s still good for you.
Penny: It’s fine.
Leonard: Cos it’s not carved in stone.
Penny: No, six thirty’s great.
Leonard: I’ll get my chisel.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: To… carve the… okay, I’ll see you six thirty.Leonard: Can you tell I’m perspiring a little?
Sheldon: No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it
nicely. What time is your date?
Leonard: Six thirty.
Sheldon: Perfect, that gives you two hours and fifteen minutes for that dense
molecular cloud of Aramis to dissipate.
Leonard: Is it too much?
Sheldon: Not if you’re a rugby team.Leonard: No reason. Oh, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, well now, there’s always the possibility that alcohol
and poor judgement on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.
Leonard: You’re right, alcohol, poor judgement, it could go well.
Sheldon: Of course, there’s the other possibility that this date kicks off a
rather unpleasant six months of the two of you passing awkwardly in the hall
until one of you
breaks down and moves to another zip code.
Leonard: You could have stopped at “it could go well.”
Sheldon: If I could of, I would of.
Leonard: I mean, I’m a perfectly nice guy. There’s no reason we couldn’t go to
the restaurant and have a lovely dinner. Maybe take a walk afterwards, talk
about
things we have in common, “you love pottery? I love pottery!” You know, there’s
a pause, we both know what’s happening, I lean in, we kiss, it’s a little
tentative at
first but then I realise, she’s kissing me back, and she’s biting my lower lip,
you know, she wants me, this thing is going the distance, we’re going to have
sex! Oh
God! Oh, my God!
Sheldon: Is the sex starting now?
Leonard: I’m having a panic attack.Penny: So, what’s new in the world of physics?
Leonard: Nothing.
Penny: Really, nothing?
Leonard: Well, with the exception of string theory, not much has happened since
the 1930’s, and you can’t prove string theory, at best you can say “hey, look,
my
idea has an internal logical consistency.”
Penny: Ah. Well I’m sure things will pick up.Sheldon: So, how was your date?
