One Life to Live Transcript Thursday 1/12/12

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Episode # 11104

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Gisele

Viki: Clint! Hurry up! It's almost on!

Clint: What is the rush? Show doesn't start till 2:00.

Viki: No, no, no. But you're gonna want to see this, as well.

Blanca: Today marks the end of 43 years of love and loss, life and death, collegiate and connubial bliss, as we bid farewell to our beloved daytime drama, "Fraternity Row."

[Cheers and applause]

Blanca: Before its final episode begins, we'll reflect back on its groundbreaking history and learn from its devoted fans what made it so memorable to so many people the world over. Welcome to "The Blanca Show's" special tribute -- "Fraternity Row: A Fond Farewell."

[Cheers and applause]

Natalie: So, remind me again why we didn't get together sooner.

John: 'Cause we're idiots. No. We're stubborn. Pigheaded.

Natalie: [Laughs] Yeah, that's it.

John: Pigheaded?

Natalie: Yeah.

John: Okay.

Natalie: But we turned a corner, right?

John: Miles ago.

Nora: Just be careful, Bo, all right?

Bo: I'm fine, honey. You know, it's gonna take more than a bullet to stop me.

Matthew: It's not the bullet she's worried about. It's David.

Bo: David?

Nora: [Sighs] He's in there. He wants to surprise you, which means probably strippers, sirens, and confetti cannons.

Matthew: Or hookers.

Nora: What?

Matthew: He's done that before.

Nora: Oh, God. Shall we?

Bo: You know you're Jewish, right?

Nora: I'm just covering all the bases.

David: [Sobbing] Welcome home, Pa!

Blanca: "Fraternity Row" viewing parties are gathering as we speak, assembled by loyal fans across the country. They're preparing to say goodbye to Brandon and Briana, Gilda and Gregor, Ruby and Roxanne, and, of course, their bowed-but-never-broken heroine, Lorraine King von Vandenberg Dexter Beaumont.

All: "Where the heart soars, where only dreams dare go, where desire roars, it's all on 'Fraternity Row.'"

Roxanne: Whoo! Okay, come on in. Why am I the only one who is dressed in costume?

Shaun: I was gonna come as Dash Dunning, but Little D thought it was stupid.

Destiny: Well, you're too tall. Where's everyone else? Is Rex coming?

Shane: Hey.

Viki: Hey!

Clint: Hi.

Gigi: Hi.

Viki: Hey. Did you guys come to watch the show with us?

Rex: Actually, we came to say goodbye. We're leaving Llanview.

Todd: It's McBain and my ex-wife, Téa. They're on to me.

Baker: What do they know?

Todd: I don't know. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.

Baker: You can't take any chances. I'll have Delgado moved today.

Todd: Yeah, that's probably for the best. I'm not gonna lose everything, not after I've worked so hard to get it all back.

Blair: Starr? Hey. Come on in and sit down, sweetie. Join us.

Starr: I-I will. I just, um... I need to tell you something first, all of you, actually.

Todd: What's up?

Starr: I don't know how to say this.

Blair: Say what, sweetheart?

Starr: I'm moving.

Sam: Across town?

Starr: No. To Los Angeles.

Natalie: We're gonna go to Llanfair, and we're gonna watch the -- the finale of "Fraternity Row." You want to come?

John: Isn't that show just a little...grown up for Liam?

Natalie: No. Are you kidding? He knows all the characters' names. You should come. Come on.

John: Oh, you know, I already know what's gonna happen.

Natalie: How? Did you read the spoiler? You know what? Never mind. I don't want to know.

John: I have no idea what you're even talking about. I'm just assuming that things... I don't know. People always end up having a happy ending.

Natalie: Yeah. Yeah, I bet you're right.

John: You gonna be home later?

Natalie: Home?

John: Yeah. Home.

Natalie: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

John: Good.

Natalie: [Chuckles]

John: I love you.

Bo: Uh...David? What's wrong, son?

David: Oh, as if you don't already know. I'm a fraud, a failure, a complete embarrassment to our family.

Nora: We've never held that against you.

David: I'm box-office poison. "'The Boy With the Chipmunk Tattoo' bombed!"

Bo: I don't believe it. I loved it.

Nora: You saw it?

Bo: Yeah. Twice. You know, I thought it was great.

David: If only the people at "Movies Without Sympathy" agreed with you. They said that my movie was derivative of another Swedish thriller that had a tattoo in it, which is completely absurd! That movie was about a girl, and it was a completely different tattoo!

Bo: Well, there will be other movies.

David: Then why is my agent, Bev Altman, not returning my calls?

Bo: Because I'm sure she's busy fielding other offers.

David: Why is the maître 'd at the Palace restaurant seating me by the bathroom?

Matthew: It's better than seating you in the bathroom.

David: Why is Judith Light snubbing me at the "Fraternity Row" wrap party? I mean, can you believe that? She's a television actress.

Nora: Oh, I got nothing.

David: It's that cursed show! Everything would be fine -- my life, my marriage, my career -- if only I had saved that infernal soap opera.

Shaun: So, you're telling us that Rex is hitting the road the same day "Fraternity Row" is going off the air? That's cold. Imagine if one of us did that to Mama. You know we would catch hell.

Destiny: Well, I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. I mean, I know how much Rex loves you.

Roxanne: I got to sit down.

Nigel: I have just the spot. Front and center for "Fraternity Row." First we'll bid our favorite program adieu, then I'll help you bid au revoir to Rex.

Viki: You're leaving today?!

Gigi: We know it's last minute.

Rex: W-we have a ton of stuff to do. There's not a lot of time to do it. We have to find a place to live.

Clint: No, you don't. There's plenty of room at the compound in Mayfair. Your brothers will put out the welcome mat.

Viki: And I'm sure that Kelly will be very happy to have another woman in the house.

Gigi: If she can keep her clothes on.

Rex: That's very generous, Clint. Thank you.

Clint: Well, when you get there, thank me. There's no telling you'll even make it to the airport.

Viki: Clint is right. It's one thing to get past us. You still have to get past your sister.

[Cell phone rings]

John: McBain. You sure? You got it from the bug on Manning's phone? Tell me everything.

Starr: "Jailbait" the music video went viral, so the label wants me to record an album with them. They want me to fly to L.A. and start as soon as possible. Somebody say something.

Blair: What about James?

Starr: James wished me well, and, um... Cole's gone now, so...

Blair: [Sighs] Well... what about -- what about Hope? I mean, how long do you plan to be away from your daughter?

Starr: Oh, no. H-hope is coming with me. Langston and Markko offered to help.

Blair: Sweetheart, you... what about school? You gonna just drop out?

Starr: Well, s-school will always be there, and this may be the only chance I have to -- to follow my dream, for it to come true.

Sam: Don't you love us anymore?

Starr: Oh, my gosh. Sam. Come here. Of course, I love you. I love all of you. I'm gonna miss you so much, but... it's not forever. I'll be back. Right? I'm hoping you'll be happy for me.

Addie: Of course, we're happy for you.

Danielle: Yeah, this...this is great, Starr. Congratulations.

Starr: I would love your support.

Todd: You're not gonna get it. You will move to Los Angeles, California, over my dead body.

Blanca: My next guest is a woman with unique insight into "Fraternity Row" -- its creator, Agnes Dixon.

[Cheers and applause]

Blanca: Agnes, "Fraternity Row" is just one of the many shows you've brought into this world. How do you say goodbye?

Agnes: With much, much love. Like millions of others, this show I cherish for all the wonderful things it's done, particularly the ability to bridge the space between real and fantastic and make it all believable. And then the characters -- I mean, one day, they are dealing with the problems of AIDS, and then the next day, they're involved with angels. I mean, it's marvelous. Anything could happen. And no one was ever safe, not even the good guys. [Chuckles]

Baker: I need that transport ready at 3:00 p.m. sharp. Not a minute later or sooner.

Tomás: Trouble?

Baker: Au contraire. I'm simply relocating you to someplace no one will ever find you.

Tomás: Sounds to me like my whereabouts are no longer a secret.

Baker: Shut up. My story's coming on. No interruptions.

Todd: You're not going anywhere.

Starr: Dad...

Todd: Yes, I am your dad, and I've missed basically your whole life. You're not gonna run out on me now.

Starr: I'm not. Leaving all of you is going to be the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, and I've done very hard things.

Addie: Y-you certainly have.

Starr: But you guys... [Voice breaking] I mean, you've always been there... fighting my battles and fixing my mistakes, and I've relied on you all for too long, and I need to rely on myself.

Blair: Okay, well, you know what? I hate to admit this, but, um... Starr's right. [Voice breaking] She's not our baby anymore.

Todd: Speak for yourself.

Rex: Well, we better get going if we're gonna make it to Roxy's party.

Viki: I can't believe this is goodbye.

Gigi: No, it's not. It's "see you soon."

Viki: Oh, honey, I will see you very, very soon.

Clint: Shane, I need you to do me a big favor.

Shane: Sure. What is it?

Clint: Keep your eye on your dad, okay? He's big trouble.

Shane: Yeah, no kidding.

Clint: [Chuckles] Rex. You okay for money?

Rex: Thanks. We're good.

Clint: Rex... would it be strange if we hugged?

Rex: A little. We can do it anyway.

Shaun: Vivian. What are you doing here?

Vivian: Uh, Roxy asked me to come, but I can go if, um...

Shaun: My friends are your friends. And I won't stand in your way just because you don't want to marry me.

Rama: Destiny, you are positively glowing! Wow. Isn't she, Vimal?

Vimal: Oh, yes. She's quite beautiful.

Rama: Remember how beautiful your cousin Gangol's wife was when she was pregnant? She was so radiant, I wanted to just smack her. I wish I could be half as lovely -- and pregnant.

Roxanne: You know, Dick, I never got a chance to thank you for helping Schuyler during the prison break.

Mr. Evans: You know, your son was a real hero. He stayed behind and helped my son, Greg, look after the injured.

Mrs. Evans: Yeah, I just hope the parole board remembers their actions.

Roxanne: Okay, so both of our sons have made terrible mistakes. But at heart, they're good people.

Mr. Evans: Yeah, well, they get that from their mothers.

Roxanne: Yeah, well, Sky certainly didn't get it from his no-good father, Mitch. You know, I wonder how Sky would have turned out if he had a good father figure to look up to, like my Rexy has.

Bo: Now, you -- you got to buck up, son. Listen, when I, uh -- when I was the executive producer on "Fraternity Row," the soap-opera press used to hammer me every time I made a decision that they didn't like. And you know what? They refer to my time there as now "The Golden Age." And I'm sure there's gonna be a time that "The Boy With the Chipmunk Tattoo" is gonna be considered a... a cult classic.

David: Thanks, Pa. I appreciate it, but... how do I face Dorian in the meantime?

Matthew: With your kid brother right next to you.

Nora: Well, no, no, no, no, no. You're not going down to D.C. again.

Matthew: Why not?

Nora: No, you've had your fun now, and enough's enough. You're old enough to get Destiny pregnant, and now you're old enough to face the consequences, okay? You're not running away from your child.

Matthew: Come on, Mom.

Bo: Matthew, you can't help how you feel. You don't want to be part of this child's life, but I got to tell you, I would expect more from my son. Now, I'll table the rest of this discussion because the show is about to start. [Clears throat]

Nora: I will go get the guacamole.

Bo: Thanks, honey.

Viki: Everything all right?

Clint: Vimal hasn't called yet. And ever since that Allison told us that Mitch was not Jessica's father...

Viki: And that you are. I know. I haven't been able to think of anything else, either. Hey, Vimal will call, okay, soon as he gets the results of the DNA test.

Jessica: What's this about a DNA test?

Clint: We're talking about "Fraternity Row" and those idiot writers who will probably have a last-minute bombshell with a DNA test.

Destiny: All right, all right, "Fraternity Row" fans! This is the final countdown! All cells on silent!

Shaun: No texting or tweeting!

Rama: And no talking! Especially about scientific accuracy.

Nigel: Shall we dim the lights and unplug the telephone?

Roxanne: Sure, it doesn't look like anyone else is gonna show up.

Rex: Did we make it?

Shaun: You're just in time.

Rex: Sorry we're late.

Roxanne: Well, there's one way you can make it up to me, you know.

Rex: Come on, Roxy. Do you really want me to sacrifice a great opportunity for my son just so we can stay here in Llanview?

Roxanne: Yes. Maybe.

Rex: Look, I know you're upset, but can you pretend that you're not so we can enjoy our last afternoon in Llanview here, please, as a family?

Blanca: We are seconds from the final episode of "Fraternity Row." As we close, I turn to some comments from publisher Victoria Lord, whose late daughter, Megan, once headlined the cast, playing twins Roxanne and Ruby Bright. Let's take a look.

Viki: Megan actually passed away nearly 20 years ago, but I-I still to this day get stopped on the street by "Fraternity Row" fans who remember the characters that she played. And some ask how she's doing or will she ever return, but I must tell you that there are times I get so caught up in the show that I find myself wondering the same thing. The fans are so loyal, so passionate, so invested in their stories. I always ask how they started watching "Fraternity Row." Some of them were stay-at-home mothers taking a break before their children came home from school. Others were college students with free time between classes. Many of them inherited a love of the show from their parents or their grandparents, who were longtime fans themselves. I remember the first time I tuned in to "Fraternity Row." I was hooked instantly. I needed to know what would happen next to these fascinating people. Would the hero and heroine find their way back to true love? Would the villains get their comeuppance? Or would their crimes go unpunished? Would loving families overcome their obstacles or would their troubles prove too difficult to surmount? Ultimately, that's what soap opera is about -- families. Close families. Rival families. Even families that are unexpected. Or the ones we choose for ourselves. And when a show is lucky enough to be on the air as long as "Fraternity Row" has been on, these families become extensions of our own. The audience might be upset when a favorite actor leaves... but they're always willing to welcome a new one, even when that new cast member is quite different than the one being replaced. After all, this is a place where people come back from the dead, go off to grade school in the morning and come home from high school in the afternoon. Because for every new face, every new couple, every new family, there are long-familiar faces... some who have grown up before our very eyes and a few more we hope to watch grow up. We know them so well. They've become our friends. We yearn for their happiness, especially when it's hard-won. We laugh as they laugh. We cry as they cry. And we can't imagine doing without them. And when things are at their very worst on the show, that's when we seem to enjoy them the most. There's just one thing we have to do to keep them in our lives. Tune in tomorrow.

Baker: [Groans]

[Suspenseful music playing]

Vimal: That is one nutty fraternity.

Blanca: There you have it -- the "Fraternity Row" finale! Slam-bang full of tears, laughter, suspense, and, of course, true to form and over-the-top surprise ending.

Roxanne: I'll say. That was a complete surprise. Lorraine was a man?!

[Laughter]

Shaun: How did Durwood not know?

Roxanne: Okay, so the person in the coma that we thought was Brandon's father was actually his mother, and Lorraine was his father!

Rex: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Roxanne: I thought it was so brilliant!

Rex: No, I-I said it was ridiculous. I didn't say it was bad.

Roxanne: Oh, it was brilliant! Brilliant! You liked it?

Rex: Yeah, I liked how Brandon and Lorraine got over their differences.

Gigi: He accepted her for who she was because he knew she had been the best mom she could be.

Shane: It didn't matter that she used to be a guy.

Rex: Brandon and Lorraine will always love each other, no matter what kind of crazy stuff she's done or how far apart they'd ever be.

Roxanne: Why you all ganging up on me?

Rex: Oh, because I'm a Balsom and I play dirty to get what I want. And before I take my family across the pond... I would like to have your blessing. So can I have it? Please?

Vivian: Hey. It was some show, huh?

Shaun: Everybody gets their happy ending. It's just a shame that's not how it works in the real world.

Vivian: Actually, um, that show had me thinking about that.

Shaun: Me too. And I want to apologize.

Vivian: For what?

Shaun: For assuming that my happy ending is the same as yours. I should have never tried to force that ring on your finger. What I'm saying is, if Durwood can accept Lorraine, I sure can accept you.

Vivian: Even if I won't marry you?

Shaun: Right now, I am just happy that you are not a dude.

Vivian: [Laughs]

Shaun: But, no, I don't need to marry you. I just need to love you... if you'll love me.

Mrs. Evans: Ooh. Do you see what I see?

Mr. Evans: Yeah, it looks like those two have worked things out.

Mrs. Evans: Too bad our daughter can't be so happy.

Bo: We're gonna head over to, uh, Roxy's party to say goodbye to Balsom and Gigi and Shane.

Nora: Destiny's gonna be there. Do you want to come?

Matthew: Actually... I think I'll just stay here.

David: It's -- it's for me, Pa and Step-Nora. Uh, Matthew said he'd help me with my Wikipedia page. Some cyber vandal broke into it, and everybody thinks I'm a used-car salesman now.

Bo: Oh. Oh. If you change your mind, you know where to find us.

Vimal: Thank you.

Rama: Who was that?

Vimal: Uh, the genetics lab.

Rama: Vimal, please don't tell me you called them to verify that you were right. Vimal, everyone knows that you can't break into a genetics lab!

Vimal: No, it's not that. They just got the results from a test I had run. The party's over.

Viki: Clint, you're awfully quiet.

Jessica: Uh, what's wrong, Dad?

Natalie: Are you -- are you crying?

Jessica: [Laughs]

Clint: No, I am not crying.

Natalie: It's okay, Dad. I mean, we're all sad about the show.

Clint: It's not the show. It's you. All of you. I mean, yes, it's a shame that, uh..."Fraternity Row" had to end. But when I see the three of you, I realize that my story -- our story -- is just beginning. And I am so grateful that it is beginning right here... where there is a heart that is thankfully beating strong... and with the woman I love... the woman I've always loved... and with both of my beautiful daughters.

Addie: Well, I loved the ending.

Jack: It was cheap. They just wanted to shock us.

Sam: What's a sex change?

Blair: Uh, that is, um, a conversation that we are gonna have later when you're a little bit more grown up. That's what that is. Okay? Got it?

Todd: I liked it.

Blair: Good.

Todd: I did. I-I-I especially liked the part where Moon stayed with her family instead of chasing after eternity.

Starr: Nice try.

Todd: Is there anything I can say to make you stay?

Starr: There isn't. You just keep doing what you're doing... being my dad. I'm only just a phone call away.

Todd: Well, you better take my calls. And there's gonna be a lot of them.

Starr: [Chuckles]

Téa: Only as many as Statesville will allow, Todd.

Roxanne: Gosh dang it. Of course, I'll give you my blessing.

Shane: Thanks, Grandma.

Rex: Thank you, Roxy.

Roxanne: [Sniffles] How could I stand in the way of you doing right by my grandson?

Natalie: Did you convince him to stay?

Roxanne: Rex made me see the light. Turns out, he knows what's best for this family.

Natalie: [Sighs] What am I gonna do without you?

Rex: Same as you always do. Kick ass and take names. The big question is, what am I gonna do without you? I am gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss both of you. So much.

Bo: We're gonna miss you, too, Balsom.

Mrs. Evans: Maybe Matthew will be along later.

Destiny: No, he won't.

Matthew: There's an "E" in "comeback."

David: Smart guy. At least when it comes to typos.

[Computer keys clacking]

Matthew: What is that supposed to mean?

David: It means, where's my little brother's brains when it comes to Destiny?

Rex: Well, way to upstage my exit. Rocking a cane, bullet hole, fresh off another death-defying rescue. You know, you are getting too old for heroics... Uncle Bo.

Bo: And you had better be careful, son.

Rex: Okay. Well, I'll be careful overseas.

Bo: You know, Llanview's gonna be worse off without the Balsoms. And I am, too. 'Cause you are a good man, Rex. Hmm. And I'm proud to call you my friend. And I want you to take real good care of yourself and your family. Okay, Balsom?

Clint: I assume you have news.

Vimal: I do. The results of Jessica's paternity test are in here.

Clint: I will never forget this.

Vimal: Neither will I.

Viki: Thank you.

Clint: This is it.

Viki: Yeah. We're finally gonna get an answer. [Sniffles] So... is Jessica Mitch's daughter or is she yours?

Clint: Let's find out.

Todd: [Sighs] I, uh [Sniffles] I figured you'd want to be alone, so I sent everybody home. Okay? I'll see you later.

Blair: No. Todd. Will you stay?

Todd: This sucks.

Blair: Something awful.

Todd: Yeah. [Sniffles] [Voice breaking] I don't know who these parents are who rent out their kids' rooms and have parties as soon as they leave. [Sighs]

Blair: You know, I thought maybe it wasn't gonna happen. I thought maybe you'd... stop her from going.

Todd: I thought of half a dozen things I could do to make her stay.

Blair: Yeah? Why didn't you trot them out, huh?

Todd: Because it's not about me. It has nothing to do with what I want. She's right. This is her time. It just sucks. [Sniffles] [Sniffles] What? I know. My nose is running.

Blair: No.

Todd: [Sighs] [Sobs]

Blair: This is what I've been waiting for.

Todd: You've been waiting for me to have boogers?

Blair: [Chuckling] No. Proof. Proof of the new man that you say that you are.

Todd: [Sighs] Now what, Blair?

Blair: Well... now there's nothing... holding me back.

[Knock on door]

Téa: I came over as soon as I got your message. Did you find Tomás? [Sighs] [Sobs]

Blair: If you want me... I'm yours.

Nora: Nigel, where did that come from?

Nigel: I wondered the same thing, so I made some inquiries. It appears Rex put it up.

Nora: Rex put up a picture of Asa?

Nigel: Apparently, he felt the mantel and the house were rather bare without it.

Bo: With Balsom gone, this house...feels empty. Pa would hate that. Now the whole family's, like... it's just spread all over the world.

Nora: Well... not all of it.

Matthew: Oh, what? Now you're gonna start lecturing me about Destiny, too, after you bailed on your own kid?

David: Matthew, that's why I'm lecturing you.

Matthew: Why? Because you're worried your kid's walking around the street wondering where its father is?

David: Yes, and I have to live with that. Look, I understand that you're scared, okay? Believe me, I get scared sometimes, too. In fact, I've never told anybody this, but the first day of "Vickerman" when I had to work with Edna Beasley, I nervous-puked for about two hours. But I didn't just puke up. I buked up. I did my job. And that's what you got to do, Matthew. You got to do your job!

Matthew: But this isn't my job! It's my life! That happened to me when I was in a coma!

David: Okay, so maybe you didn't choose this. You know who else didn't choose this? Little Destiny Matthew Evans Buchanan Jr., that's who. Are you really gonna let your son or daughter down this way?

Matthew: I don't want to let anybody down, but...I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

David: Okay. I've got a very simple question for you. Is this the kind of Buchanan you want to be? Because this is not the kind of Buchanan that Pa would be very proud of, and it's certainly not the kind of Buchanan that I want to hang around. In fact, the way that you're acting, I don't want to be around you at all... Buchanan or not.

[Door opens]

Destiny: Uh, excuse me? Mom and Dad?

Mr. Evans: Destiny, are you ready to go?

Destiny: Would you mind pulling the car around and helping me to the door, please?

Mrs. Evans: What's wrong, baby?

Destiny: Nothing, but my water just broke.

Mrs. Evans: Wh-- wh--

Shaun: I'll go get the car.

Mrs. Evans: Oh, my G--

Mr. Evans: H-he's getting it.

Mrs. Evans: Okay. It's okay. It's gonna be all right.

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