Y&R Transcript Friday 5/5/17

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Episode # 11164 ~ Chelsea encounters someone from her past; Victoria turns to Nick for advice; Devon & Mariah turn up the heat.

Provided By Suzanne

Victor: Never mind that, Scott. Kindly give that gentleman a double shot of tequila.

Phyllis: Wonderful. You want to go someplace else?

Billy: You know what? No. Tonight is about us, about us being able to come out here and celebrate being together. We're not gonna let victor ruin that.

Nick: So that's how you found out, the elevator door opened?

Victoria: Well, maybe it was inevitable, or maybe they were just waiting for time to have passed since Phyllis and jack's divorce, but I don't know. Maybe they just wanted it to be more respectable or something, I don't know.

Nick: Oh, yeah, nothing says respectable more than hooking up in an elevator. I'm -- I'm sorry, Vick. I know you were hoping for another shot with Billy.

Victoria: Stupidly. As the entire building knows, things were actually improving between us. Even the kids noticed.

Nick: I'm sorry.

Victoria: Do you know what killed it? Or should I say who killed it?

Nick: Dad.

Victoria: I have been lying to Billy and I have been making excuses for pushing him away, and you, me, and mom, we've been living a lie because dad had to bring Chloe back to town to help him frame Adam, that's why.

Nick: Now we don't have a choice. We are protecting dad in his rotten scheming just so we can save the rest of the family.

Victoria: That's right, and once again, dad sails away untouched, in control while the rest of us are sitting here, paying the price.

Both: And keep on buzzing, GC.

Hilary: All right, people. That's a wrap! Thank you very, very much. Good job. Good job on the lighting, too.

Mariah: Hey. Can I talk to you for a second? It's important.

Hilary: Yeah. Okay. Make it quick.

Mariah: Not to come off as paranoid, but I think that the audience picks up on it when you trash me on air like you just did.

Hilary: Wait, you mean that banter about you having trouble telling the difference between romantic interest and being stuck in the friend zone?

Mariah: Yeah.

Hilary: Mariah, that stuff is gold. You want to know why? Because it is relatable. Everyone knows someone who is adorably clueless like you.

Mariah: You can't stand it that Devon is actually interested in me. We are not just friends. Trust me.

Hilary: I was married to the man, so I know when he's into someone. And Devon is the type of man that... he knows the difference between romance and just hanging out, and I am so sorry to tell you, sweetie, but you two are just hanging out.

[Cell phone rings]

Mariah: Hey! Hi, Devon. I was just talking about you.

Tessa: Um...

Nikki: Tessa. What is going on with the Frederickson table? The number of tickets that they bought don't match up...

Tessa: With the number of seats at the table, yeah. I just noticed I messed that up. I came in here to tell you. It's totally my bad.

Nikki: Well, you know, we caught it early so it's not a big deal.

Tessa: Cool. Uh, I should let you know that might not be my only mistake when it comes to seating.

Nikki: Oh?

Tessa: Yeah, there could be a few more. What I'm trying to say is I'm not as familiar with these computer programs as I was hoping I would be.

Nikki: Yeah, I kind of figured that out when you started helping me with the benefit.

Tessa: Oh.

Nikki: So, level with me, Tessa. This office experience... you don't really have any, do you?

Tessa: Am I fired?

Nikki: I'm sorry, Tessa.

Tessa: No, it's okay. I understand.

Nikki: You're stuck with me.

Tessa: Wait. What? Wait, I'm -- I'm not... and you're not mad? I --

Nikki: No, dear.

Tessa: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I promise, I will figure this computer stuff out.

Nikki: Good, because I need you, and I also happen to like you.

Tessa: Well, no pressure there. I mean, I'm grateful. It's just that... you barely know me, and you let me work in your house.

Nikki: Well, I could always set you up in an office at Newman tower if you'd prefer.

Tessa: Oh, no, no. I'm good.

Nikki: [Laughs] I thought so. Look, I know that this job is just to survive while you're getting your career together, and I really admire somebody who's willing to take the steps to make success happen, and it's obvious how much the music means to you. Almost as obvious as you want to wrap things up here so that you can get down to open mic night at the underground.

Tessa: Busted. Again.

Nikki: Sit down, Tessa. I have a deal for you. How about if I drive you down there, and you let me stay and watch the show?

Tessa: Well, I can't say no to that. I mean, do you not have anything better to do?

Nikki: I love watching you perform. And I know it wasn't the same, but I know what it's like to be onstage.

Tessa: You miss it? Those nights dancing at the bayou? Men fawning all over you? I mean, you must have tore that place up. [Laughs]

Nikki: [Sighs] Oh, gosh. Well, sometimes. Sometimes I do miss the cheering and the applause. There's not another feeling like it.

Scott: That might be the best tequila I've ever tasted.

Victor: Yeah?

Scott: It's certainly the most expensive. Well, not only am I primed to discuss whatever it is you want to talk about, I think I got a few new chest hairs growing in.

Phyllis: You know, we were hoping that the home-furnishing app would expand to the virtual dressing room app, and, you know... customers could go ahead and add a buck naked picture of me to any room of their choosing.

Billy: What did you just say?

Phyllis: Never mind. You want to switch seats so you won't be distracted by the mustache at the bar?

Billy: No. No, because then you would be stuck with this view. I'll take it for the team.

Phyllis: You know, we haven't ordered yet. Let's go someplace else.

Billy: No. Because staring across the table is the only view I want. When I look at you, everything else blurs away.

Phyllis: Mm, that is smooth, Billy Abbott. You're lying through your teeth, but you look good while you're doing it.

Scott: When did Phyllis get here?

Victor: Do you know her?

Scott: Yeah, uh, kind of. She runs the online marketing for Fenmore's.

Victor: Mm-hmm. She is what they call an acquired taste. More easily acquired by some than others.

Phyllis: You take the measurements of the room that you want to decorate, and the app picks the pieces for you! [Laughs] I hope that the customers are more into this app than you are.

Victor: Isn't this so cozy?

Mariah: I hope you're nearby because we just finished, and I am completely free for the night.

Devon: I'm very glad to hear that. Can you meet me? 'Cause I have a special idea for tonight.

Mariah: Ooh! What did you have in mind? [Laughing] Really? Wow. That is a first for me. Um, should I meet you there? Oh! You're sending a private car. Even better. All right. Sounds amazing. I'll see you then. [Laughing] No, you are. Okay, bye. Hey, Hilary, do you mind if we table the whole "me being clueless about men" conversation? I don't want to be late.

Hilary: For what?

Mariah: Oh, nothing. Just a ride with Devon on his private jet. I'll be sure to ask him if it's a date when we're flying by your hotel. And maybe you could hang out the window and wave. We might see you. Later, sweetie.

Chelsea: Hey there!

Noah: Hey! Uh, Dad's not here yet, if you're looking for him.

Chelsea: Uh, excuse me. Maybe I came early so I could get a good seat for open mic night. From what I hear, it's standing room only lately. Congratulations.

Noah: Oh, thank you! Yeah, it's very cool of dad to let me try out some new stuff here.

Chelsea: Yeah. He's a pretty cool guy.

Noah: Yeah. Oh, if you want to see his goofy side, though... we took Christian to the park, and, uh, it's a toss-up which one of them had the better time. You tell me.

Chelsea: [Gasps] [Laughing] Aww, that's so sweet!

Noah: Right? No, I love watching dad with Christian. It is so awesome that he has this little boy in his life.

Chelsea: Yeah. I couldn't agree more.

Victor: You know, from the moment you two walked in, I sensed a certain intimacy around you.

Phyllis: Congratulations. Billy, tell him what he's won.

Billy: Phyllis and I are together. Jack already knows. Not that you care about his feelings. No, you want to know what this means for Victoria.

Victor: Well, I think it's good news for Victoria. And plenty of it.

Nick: Believe me, it makes me sick, keeping dad's secret, and now seeing what it's doing to you and Billy? I never thought that Billy and Phyllis would be a thing again.

Victoria: You and me both. Nick, please just be honest with me. What is it about Phyllis that lures in such a wide variety of men? Is it her sass -- or as some might call it snark, but let's just go with sass. Or is it her varied colorful, tight wardrobe? Or maybe she's got some weird technique that I'm not aware of, that I should know about.

Nick: All right. If you're just being snarky or sassy trying to figure out why I ended up with Phyllis, the short answer is -- I don't know. You know, Sharon and I were broken after what happened with Cassie, and Phyllis was... I don't know, it was a timing thing.

Victoria: You know, nick, that was just really incredibly unhelpful.

Nick: Look, you know I have your back always, but maybe you should be talking to Billy right now and not your brother. Tell him how you feel.

Victoria: He knows how I feel, and the problem is how he feels about Phyllis and about me. He thinks I'm judgmental, he thinks I'm hard to deal with, he thinks that I'm -- I'm uptight. He thinks that I'm emasculating. He didn't say that, but he implied it.

Nick: Wow. All right. I don't have any formal training as a matchmaker, but maybe you and Billy just shouldn't be together, you know, it's just a hunch.

Victoria: Oh, my gosh, when I pour my heart out to you, I do not expect wisecracks, nick.

Nick: No, you seem to be looking for tips on how to be more like Phyllis, and I can absolutely tell you that is not the way to get Billy back.

Jordan: Busy night?

Hilary: You could say that.

Jordan: Look, how about you give this script the night off to heal while we get us something to eat? I do kind of owe you since our last date was the brash & sassy! Team-building retreat.

Hilary: It was fine. Really, it was.

Jordan: Look, you -- you deserve better than fine, and tonight is just gonna be the two of us.

Hilary: Tonight, uh.... it's not good for me.

Jordan: Come on.

Hilary: I told you it's not a good time, okay? I'm -- I'm exhausted. I have so much to do. The show doesn't produce itself, you know.

Jordan: All right. That's cool, doll. Another time then.

Hilary: Yeah. Okay. Good night, Jordan.

Jordan: Good night.

Mariah: So, this is how the 1% lives.

Devon: Well, travels anyway. It has its advantages.

Mariah: Yeah, I noticed when nobody x-rayed my shoes. I should have gone crazy on liquids in 8-ounce containers.

Devon: No, hey, we have plenty of champagne onboard if it makes you feel better.

Mariah: It does. It really does. [Laughs]

Devon: Yeah.

Mariah: Whoa! French label. Is that direct from Paris?

Devon: Yes, it is.

Mariah: Wow.

Devon: Picked it up when I was in the neighborhood.

Mariah: Mr. Hamilton, are you trying to seduce me?

Devon: Even before I take you on a tour of the city? No, that would be très gauche.

[Both chuckle]

Devon: One second.

Mariah: Who are you calling?

Devon: Oh, I'm just calling the pilot. Hey, we are -- we're ready to take off. And can you do that thing where you zoom up really fast? Okay, thank you.

Mariah: You hedonist. That's gonna make the champagne go straight to my head.

Devon: Oh, well. To tell you the truth, I'm actually already feeling a little intoxicated.

Mariah: And you haven't even had one sip yet. I think you are trying to seduce me.

Devon: Oh, you do? Whoa!

Mariah: Whoa.

Devon: Whoa, whoa!

Mariah: [Laughs]

Devon: We should buckle up.

Mariah: Yeah, maybe seatbelts are a good idea.

[Both chuckle]

Noah: Mm, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Need to see some I.D., Miss.

Nikki: Oh, really? Well, I'm just having seltzer.

Noah: Hey, it's great seeing you. Becoming a regular like your friend here.

Tessa: Oh! Since I'm a regular now -- you heard him, right?

Nikki: Yes.

Tessa: I would like to discuss my spot tonight on the lineup, if that's not too diva-ish of me.

Noah: Oh, you're getting a peak position. Yeah, right after the yodeling triplets.

Tessa: [Laughs] Okay, so, here's the thing. I have a way cool idea for my spot tonight, but I want to run it by you first.

Noah: Okay.

Chelsea: Hi.

Nikki: Chelsea! You look beautiful. It's good to see you out.

Chelsea: Thank you. Yeah, it's been rough. It's been crazy, actually, but I don't have to tell you that. I'm just trying not to dwell on things, but it gets hard sometimes.

Nikki: Yeah, I know.

Chelsea: So, it looks like Noah's met a new friend.

Nikki: My grandson is an excellent catch, but I'm pretty fond of her, too.

Chelsea: Yeah. She's striking.

Nikki: She's, uh, quite something. Very talented. She knows how to get what she wants, and she's doing it on her own terms. I admire that.

Noah: Oh, that's cool. No, it's more than cool. That's fantastic.

Tessa: Yeah?

Noah: Oh, yeah.

Tessa: Okay, cool. Cool.

Noah: Yeah.

Tessa: Uh, all right, it's almost go time, so, uh... I'm gonna go tune up.

Noah: Yeah.

Victor: Oh, uh, one further question. Does this perhaps augur your departure from brash & sassy!?

Billy: Oh, no. No, I'm not going anywhere.

Victor: Oh.

Billy: Yeah, no, Victoria and I have a very solid working relationship.

Victor: Really? Does that mean she approves of that partnership with the pro hockey league that you jumped into?

Billy: Oh, no, she's ecstatic about that deal.

Victor: Really? And she agrees with the terms of it?

Billy: Even more so the terms, yeah.

Victor: Well, good for you, Billy boy.

Billy: Victor, I know you're concerned about Victoria and how I'm involved in her life, but that's not gonna change because we work together, we have children together, and more importantly, we have a history together. So there's nothing you can do about that.

Victor: You forgive me if I dream a little. Nice to see you, Phyllis.

Scott: You know, I was thinking, if you have the time, I got a couple book-related questions I'd like to run past you.

Victor: Well, Scott... the reason I asked you to come here is because I want to tell that there's going to be no book.

Phyllis: All things considered, that could have been way worse. We did not take victor's bait, and nothing needs dry cleaning.

Billy: Can we just get out of here?

Phyllis: Aww. I thought the worst was over.

Billy: I guess I underestimated my ability to be in the same room as that son of a bitch.

Mariah: That was amazing. I mean, the lights were beautiful, and that detour over Chicago... I just don't think I'm ready to get out of this seat just yet. [Laughs]

Devon: You have it on massage mode, don't you?

Mariah: Yes, I do, and it feels like it's 1,000 tiny little massage elves running hot stones up and down my fabulously grateful body.

Devon: [Laughs]

Mariah: You know what? I think I need to try out every luxury feature this plane has to offer, 'cause I don't know when I'm gonna get another chance.

Devon: What are you talking about? I thought that we could do this again very soon, if you wanted to.

Mariah: Well, I'm usually for minimizing my carbon footprint, but the truth is, I would probably take this thing to the grocery store if they replaced the parking lot with a landing strip.

Devon: I've created a monster.

Mariah: Yes, you have, and I need French champagne to live.

Devon: Well, hey, let's have one last toast, then, to your maiden voyage on a private jet.

Mariah: And to the sweetest, most magical guy a maiden could ever hope to voyage with.

Devon: I see what you did there. I like that.

Mariah: Yeah.

Devon: Cheers. To a night full of firsts.

Scott: We talked about this. You said you'd handle any of Nikki's concerns about the book.

Victor: Mm-hmm. I've given this careful consideration, Scott.

Scott: So, I got to ask you, off the record now. Is this really your choice? 100%?

Victor: This is my choice, one that I should have made some time ago, but you will be compensated in full for the amount that we agreed on.

Scott: I really have a problem accepting payment for services not rendered. Especially since this book was an attempt to repay the massive debt I owe you.

Victor: You're a very good journalist, okay?

Scott: Yeah.

Victor: Obviously very bright. You do thorough research before you write about something. Those are all very, very good skills, and I'm sure we can apply them somewhere else. You have a good day, and thank you for coming.

Scott: Thanks.

Phyllis: You know, tonight did not go as I had imagined, but we knew that we'd run into victor sooner or later, and now it is done.

Billy: [Exhales sharply] Don't forget jack.

Phyllis: Yeah. And Victoria. That's the big three right there.

Billy: That's quite the sad trifecta, isn't it?

Phyllis: Mm. But now that it's out, now that they know, it has to get easier from this point on, you know? Right? Hey. Give me that. What's going on? What are you thinking?

Billy: About what?

Phyllis: About this. About us. About this with us. You know, again, I mean, maybe... I don't know, did we make some kind of mistake?

Nick: Phyllis is Phyllis. You're you.

Victoria: Meaning...?

Nick: Meaning you are one of a kind. You are unique, Vick. And you got to do what you do best, and that is fight for what you want. It worked with brash & sassy! Now play that to Billy! Stop trying out-Phyllis Phyllis. You're the only weapon you need. You are the woman that he is raising two kids with. You are the woman that he has fallen in love with over and over again.

Victoria: All right. I get it.

Nick: Do you?

Victoria: Yes. Thank you.

Nick: Okay. I got to go meet up with Chelsea, I'm sorry, but if you need anything, call me, okay?

Victoria: I will. I promise.

Nick: All right.

Victoria: Thank you.

Nick: All right. You're a good one.

Victoria: Get out of here.

[Door closes]

Jordan: That really is you.

Chelsea: Jordan? You're in Genoa city now?

Jordan: Yeah, for now. Working a new gig.

Chelsea: Yeah, uh, me, too. Actually, like an entirely new gig, not like the bad old days.

Jordan: Don't knock those. We had some good times being bad, but hey, that was a whole other life.

Chelsea: Yeah. Definitely.

Jordan: Yeah, I'm about as far away from all of that as I can possibly be nowadays. I'm a photographer at brash & sassy!

Chelsea: You're kidding! That's a great company. I know all those people.

Jordan: And your legit gig would be?

Chelsea: A small start-up called Chelsea 2.0.

Jordan: Get the heck out of here.

Chelsea: Yeah!

Jordan: You're that Chelsea?

Chelsea: Uh-huh.

Jordan: Wow! Nice, girl!

Chelsea: [Laughs]

Jordan: Look at us, learning from our youthful pasts and, uh, playing in the big leagues now.

Chelsea: Mm-hmm, and I did all of that by, um, working really hard and becoming a completely different person, so...

Jordan: I got you. So we're agreeing to keep this super-cool and not mess each other up by letting anyone know about our former friendship.

Chelsea: I think that that's the perfect way to play it, that we just met.

Jordan: I'm with you. I need my past to stay right where it is. I'm done with all that shady nonsense we used to get into. Hey, we were young and broke. We did what we had to do.

Chelsea: Right. Did. Past tense.

Jordan: Yeah. Well, hey, some things never change. You're still as beautiful as the day we met, professionally speaking, of course.

Chelsea: Right. Of course. Professionally.

Jordan: And, uh, here. I have these rather high-end business cards with my deets on them, just in case you need some photos for publicity or...

Chelsea: Okay, you know, it was really good to see you. My boyfriend's here. I got to run. Bye! Hi!

Nick: Hey. Man, I need to be late more often.

Chelsea: [Laughs] Hey, who's that dude you were talking to? He looks familiar.

Chelsea: Oh, I guess he's your sister's new photographer at brash & sassy!

Nick: Hmm.

Chelsea: Seems like a nice guy.

Nikki: You were having quite the chat with Tessa earlier. Not that I was reading your lips, or anything.

Noah: Open mic business. Nothing juicy.

Nikki: Hey! None of my business.

Noah: Hey, how am I supposed to maintain my indie rock image with grandma playing cupid?

Nikki: Please.

Noah: You know what, scratch everything I just said. You know how to pick 'em.

Nikki: Thanks. I like to think so.

Noah: Oh! I'm supposed to be onstage. Oh, yeah.

Nikki: You better go!

Noah: Yeah.

[Cheers and applause]

Noah: Hey! Thank you, everybody! Yeah. Appreciate you guys coming out and supporting another frisky, free-wheelin' open mic night at the underground. #Gcchillhang.

Nick: Yeah!

[Cheers and applause]

Noah: According to some dude on a website I just surfed. Anyway, uh, hey, why wait for the good stuff, right? Let's kick it off with -- she's easy on the ears and the eyes, Tessa.

[Cheers and applause]

Nick: Tessa!

Tessa: Thank you, thank you. All right. You know, I just realized -- this song would be better with keyboard.

Noah: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Tessa: Any keyboard players in the house? Oh! I think I see one. Come on, young lady. You want to help a sister out?

Nikki: No, no, no, no, no.

Nick: Yeah, get up there, Mom!

[Cheers and applause]

Nick: Yes!

[Cheering continues]

Nikki: You are in so much trouble.

Tessa: Oh, come on. It'll be fun. Just follow me. A minor.

Nikki: Thank you.

Tessa: I want you I think you want me too I want to kiss you I think you want to kiss me too

Devon: You make me happy, and I want to dedicate the rest of my life to making your happiness my first priority. Just please say yes, and tell me you will be my wife.

Hilary: Yes.

Devon: Yeah?

Hilary: Yes! Yes.

Devon: Yeah?

Hilary: Of course I'll marry you.

Devon: [Laughs]

[Door unlocks]

Devon: Oh, boy. Well, can I maybe interest you in a night cap?

Mariah: Mmm!

Devon: I can make a sidecar, martini, a sloe gin fizz, or a Singapore sling...

Mariah: Hey.

Devon: Yeah?

Mariah: No.

Devon: No.

Mariah: This is the only thing I'm thirsty for.

Katie: Mommy?

Victoria: Hi, baby. What are you doing awake? Come here. What's wrong? Baby, you don't feel good? Does your tummy hurt? Hmm? What's this? Did you make that? Is this me? Oh. And that's Daddy. Is that why you can't sleep tonight? You miss him? Aww, baby, I'm sorry. I miss him, too. [Sighs] Hey, you know what, I have an idea. Um... do you want to call him? Want to say goodnight to him?

Katie: Mm-hmm.

Victoria: Yeah, that might make you sleep better, I think.

Billy: Are we clear now? I'm here tonight because this is where I want to be. Nowhere else, okay?

Phyllis: That's what I wanted to hear.

[Cell phone rings]

Billy: Mm.

Phyllis: No, no, no, no. Voicemail. Voicemail.

Billy: It's Victoria. I'll be quick. Hello?

Victoria: I hope I'm not interrupting your evening.

Billy: No, it's okay. Is everything all right?

Victoria: Yeah, everything's fine. It's just -- Katie, she's, um... she's missing you tonight.

Billy: Aww, Katie.

Victoria: Yeah, she says she's not gonna go to sleep until she talks to her daddy. So do you think maybe you could talk to her for a minute?

Billy: Yeah, of course. I'll talk to her.

Victoria: Okay, good. I'll put you on speaker.

Billy: Hey, sweetheart. I hear you're having trouble sleeping. Well, why don't I blow you a kiss and send it through the phone and then you can catch it, okay?

Katie: Okay.

Billy: Here it comes!

[Kissing sounds]

Did you get it? Good. I'll try and be there tomorrow night. [Chuckles]

Billy: That sounds like a very nice picture. I can't wait to see it.

Katie: I love you, Daddy.

Billy: I love you, too, sweetheart. You think you're gonna be able to sleep now?

Katie: Yes.

Billy: Okay, good.

You be a good girl.

Let me say goodnight to mommy.

Katie: Good night, daddy.

Billy: Bye, babe.

Victoria: Thanks. I'm sorry to bug you.

Billy: Never a bother to say good night to my little girl. Listen, Vick, I know today wasn't easy for either of us, but Johnny and Katie, they're always gonna be what matters most, okay?

Victoria: Yeah. I'm glad we both feel the same way about that. I'll let you go. Have a good night.

Billy: Night, Vick.

Phyllis: Everything okay?

Billy: Everything is fine now.

Phyllis: Good. We're gonna get everything back on track, okay? We are gonna christen tonight as the new normal for us, 'cause we are together, okay? And nobody is gonna change that.

Tessa: Boom, you find this place inside of me flowers bloom instantly you make the earth move this feels like a rocket ship you're a heavenly environment I want a piece of you I want a piece of you I see you and I feel deprived you're like a great big playground you're so fun I want to ride, ride, ride may I be your weakness? I'd like to leave you sleepless I want a piece of you

Mariah: Um, can I just -- can I say something really quick?

Devon: Of course.

Mariah: [Sighs] Uh, the last time I was here, I left early.

Devon: I remember.

Mariah: I just didn't want it to be about Hilary.

Devon: Yeah, of course. I respect that, too, and I hope you realize this has nothing to do with her.

Mariah: I believe you, and what I'm trying to say is I'm here tonight because I trust you, and I know that this isn't about anyone but us. I don't know about you, but I'm done talking, which leaves...

Devon: Everything else.

Tessa: You make the earth move this feels like a rocket ship you're a heavenly environment I want a piece of you I want a piece of you

Mariah: [Giggles]

Devon: Get over here.

Tessa: I want a piece of you

[Devon and Mariah moaning]

I want a piece of you

Next on "the young and the restless"...

Neil: We are pursuing an international conglomerate, Mergeron enterprises.

Abby: Thank god you're not writing my dad's book, because you'd probably just paint me as a bimbo!

Mariah: My life was sad and pathetic before Devon showed me the world and blew my mind.

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