Y&R Transcript Wednesday 9/26/12

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Episode # 9999 ~ Sharon's Behavior Angers Others; Katherine Gives a Heartfelt Eulogy

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Emma

Billy: Why didn't she just include a smiley face and more exclamation points?

Victoria: Humiliating. It's insulting. No, it's--it's disgusting! Why isn't Sharon in a cell right now?

Billy: Padded or prison?

Victoria: Oh, either, it doesn't matter! Billy, she had my father cremated, and they were married for three minutes and all of them were miserable, and now she's throwing a funeral like it's some--some happy hour.

Billy: Well, I'm pretty sure she'd give more notice to a shindig than "See you at noon."

Victoria: She's a heartless wench.

Billy: Hannah, we're leaving.

Adam: Look at you, all ethereal. You even had time to dry your hair. I guess Sharon gave us enough heads-up after all.

Chelsea: You have a happy snark and a sad snark. That's your sad snark.

Adam: Stop knowing me so well. It's irksome. I guess Sharon's doing us a favor. Having time to process one's emotions are overrated. Last night was the body blow. Today's the bruises, and they fade.

Chelsea: There's no way Nick and Victoria are okay with this, right?

Adam: The wham-bam funeral? Yeah, no. It's a safe bet to say they want to take Sharon out.

Nick: Sharon!

Neil: Oh, Nikki, hi.

Nikki: Hi.

Neil: Lovely.

Nikki: Oh.

Neil: How are you doing?

Nikki: I don't know. Every other minute, it's like a new emotion. Hi, Katherine.

Kay: Hi. Uh, did you get any sleep?

Nikki: No.

Kay: Ohh.

Nikki: I-I was awake all night, just thinking of all the moments I ever spent with Victor, even the bad ones. I just want to hold them close, you know? Never forget. Then I got that text from Sharon this morning, this travesty. I wanted to throw the phone across the room. What is she thinking?

Neil: Well, I'd like to believe that it's possibly her grief that's making her act out of character.

Kay: Well, I called Sharon earlier, to see if I could say something in Victor's honor at the services.

Nikki: If she said no, I--

Kay: Everything was taken care of, taken care of. Darling, Sharon has her own ideas.

Nikki: She has no ideas. She already has what she wants. She has the Newman name, the mantle of widowhood, the company that she's run into the ground. Her ultimate goal will be to have this all over with so she can forget Victor ever existed.

Kay: People who love Victor will never forget him. Now you remember that. Yes, she smashed his company, but I promise you, she will not do that to his memory.

Jack: Well, morning greetings. I assume you got Sharon's lovely text this morning.

Phyllis: Yes. I think she texted her entire contact list, because I don't think she would include me on purpose.

Jack: Well, judging from your lovely ensemble, I'd say you've decided to attend.

Phyllis: Oh, well, black, you know, it fits my general mood lately. But I am going. I'm going for Summer and Nick. But part of me wants to see the show. I want to see the performance that Sharon puts on as the grieving Mrs. Victor Newman.

Sharon: Good morning.

Tucker: Morning. You ready to head to the chapel?

Sharon: First, tell me you got the document.

Tucker: One waiver... as requested.

Sharon: This is going to be a perfect day. I bury one husband and then get a shiny new one.

Lauren: Hi.

Michael: Hi.

Lauren: Did you get any work done?

Michael: Yeah, I almost managed to focus on work when, uh, that invitation from Sharon pinged in.

Lauren: You loved Victor, and he knew that. Anyway, Fen is meeting us at the church.

Michael: Oh, you let him out of your sight. That's impressive.

Lauren: Yeah. (Sighs) It took everything inside of me not to staple him to the sofa, with Daisy and her alleged mother walking the streets. But look, I'm not shaking.

Michael: Well, whoever checked Daisy out of Fairview, it certainly wasn't Sarah or Sheila. Maybe Ryder sent someone or Daisy had a friend, you know?

Lauren: Yeah, yeah. Right, I mean, Sarah and--and Sheila are gone.

Michael: Mm.

Avery: Hi. I am so sorry. I know how close you both were to Victor.

Lauren: Why is Sharon rushing this funeral?

Avery: I have no idea. She sent the same text to me as she did everyone else.

Lauren: Oh, my God. If this is the way that Nick, Victoria, and Abby found out...

Michael: It's gonna make for a very fun day.

Abby: Uncle Jack, I wasn't gonna cry... but having you here for Kyle, it's-- I mean, it's good, it's good, it's really good. Oh, God.

Jack: I'm here for you, too.

Abby: (Sniffles)

Jack: And I promise, not an ugly word about Victor will come out of my mouth today.

Abby: (Laughs and cries) Okay. (Inhales deeply)

Jack: Hey, why don't you give your sister a hug? I'm sure you could both use that.

Kyle: You doing okay? I promise I won't rat you out if you're upset about Victor, too. Yeah, it must be hard, losing the biggest person in your life.

Jack: I have to admit, when Victor died... I lost a lot more than I expected.

Victoria: How's Noah?

Nick: He's on a mountain, camping with some of his buddies. He's got no cell service.

Billy: Ashley's in London. There's no time to get back, so...

Victoria: And we're supposed to be grateful that she even told us when and where.

Billy: (Clears throat)

Victoria: Mom.

Nikki: I know, Sweetheart.

Nick: Thank you for coming.

Phyllis: Of course. The thought of someone I love suffering... where's Summer?

Nick: Uh, she's in the courtyard with Fen. Whether she admits it or not, she needs you right now.

Chelsea: Oh, my God, the weirdness. (Sighs) I want to put a pillow over my belly so the baby doesn't feel this energy. I'd protect you, too, if I could. You know I'm here for you, right? Every second.

Minister: Are we ready to begin?

Victoria: Well, so far, the hostess is a no-show. How fitting.

Sharon: Welcome, everyone, and thank you so much for coming. Ahh.

Abby: (Gasps)

Kay: What is wrong with you two?

Nikki: I am not gonna let you insult Victor like this!

Sharon: Oh, N-Nikki, no, it--it's nothing personal. Honestly, I just, uh, I did not have time to change, and I have another event after the memorial.

Nikki: What?

Nick: That's classy. You decided to fit my father's funeral in just before cocktails.

Sharon: Nick, you know, that really isn't fair. This memorial means the world to me, and afterwards... we're getting married!

Minister: Though powerful in this world, Victor is now with the most powerful being of all, our father, who will care for his son as he does for us all. From psalm 103, chapter 8...

Nikki: Look at her. She can't be without a man for one day--not one day! Bringing her man toy to this funeral. They're probably gonna honeymoon out in the foyer. I'm sorry, Katherine. I know that Tucker is your son, but this is disgusting.

Kay: No, please, no more, I am begging you... because if I get started, ohh! (Chuckles) Oh, God, heads will roll. Besides, God's, well, he's ticked off already.

Minister: "As far as the east is from the west..."

Phyllis: Sharon's really gone off the deep end.

Minister: As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.

Abby: She is a slut. I'm sorry, but she is. I mean, not sorry she's a slut. Actually, I am sorry she's a slut. I'm also sorry that I keep saying "Slut" in church. I said it again. The minister is talking about my dad and God and heaven, and I can't stop saying--

Billy: Okay. We got it, all right?

Minister: The Lord's love is with those who fear him.

Abby: Always knew Tucker was a pig, but he is more of a pig than I could have ever imagined. Makes sense. The pig and the slut.

Victoria: Dad's gone. He's gone, and I can't accept it because--

Abby: Because his widow is here in white. Um, sacrilege much? And liar. Hello, whore. At least I stopped saying "Slut."

Billy: (Inhales quickly) Do you think maybe we should think about deep, peaceful thoughts right now?

Abby: Okay, you want a deep thought? God thinks Sharon's a whore, too.

Victoria: Amen.

Minister: "Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Is there anyone here who would like to say a few words?

Sharon: Oh, yes, I would. (Sighs) (Exhales sharply) Victor was a great man-- powerful, strong, driven. I'll never forget the kindness that he gave to me. Um, I am going to make it my life's mission to honor his legacy, to cherish it, to give it the respect that it deserves, and I am just so honored to be the keeper of his memory and everything he cherished.

Nick: This is not going down like this. I'll say a few words.

Sharon: And now we will go to the cemetery and bury Victor's ashes. You're all welcome to join me, of course.

Abby: (Scoffs)

Billy: Jeez.

Neil: Uh...

Billy: Whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, wait, wait.

Abby: She can't just do that!

Billy: Take it easy, take it easy, take it easy.

Kay: Tucker. Tucker--

Kyle: This is how we say good-bye to Victor?

Neil: Victor was one of the most respected businessmen in this country.

Jack: The great man is no more, and this was his send-off. My God, even I'm offended.

Avery: The difference between Victor's former wife and his present one couldn't be more obvious. Nikki was brave and she held it together, she and the kids.

Chris: There's only so much a person can stuff down before it all blows up.

Adam: Tucker.

Tucker: Yeah.

Adam: So you picked this as your wedding day, huh?

Tucker: Well, we all grieve in our own time.

Adam: So just a big surge of romance on your part, not a big giant bird you're flipping to my father's family?

Tucker: I'm sorry about your dad... but we're all on the same side here, man. We can't bring Victor back, but we can keep Newman and all our money from going down the toilet. This marriage is how we do it. So hallelujah, pass the wine.

Chelsea: You ready to head to the gravesite?

Adam: No, today's a joke, and I just heard the punch line. Let's go home.

Minister: "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am, you may be also, and you know the way to where I am going.

Sharon: Victor, you were always so... loving and generous to me, and I will cherish your kindness. Ohh. It was so good of you to be here. You know, we really-- we need to be here for each other at a time like this.

Victoria: You're leaving?

Nikki: How can you treat Victor's memory like this, rushing off for your wedding? (Sniffles) The man deserved more than a 5-minute funeral. (Sniffles)

Sharon: Well, you know, I-I think it's so important that we all get closure. At a time like this, I-I think, the sooner, the better, and, you know, Victor-- he--he would have wanted us to move on.

Nikki: Oh, that's what he would want? How the hell do you know what he wanted? How do you e-- you don't even care! You have spent years denying that you're a gold-digging tramp. Look at you! Look at that dress, this ridiculous service! You have spit on his grave like the filth that you are. Look at me when I talk to you!

Sharon: I'm sorry? Um... okay, bye.

Nikki: (Gasps) Oh, my God. (Sniffles)

Victoria: If there were a grave, I would have shoved her in it.

Phyllis: For once, it wasn't me.

Nick: Did anyone notice that something was missing?

Nikki: Uh, decency?

Kyle: A little humility?

Victoria: An actual service?

Phyllis: Tucker. Why wasn't Sharon's next husband by her side?

Tucker: (Sighs)

(Knock on door)

Tucker: What are you doing here? Why aren't you crying over the gravesite of the son you wish you'd had?

Kay: What in the hell kind of game are you playing? Marrying Sharon today-- today, when his family is grieving over Victor? Only one short night to process his death?

Tucker: Sharon's a widow...

Kay: (Scoffs)

Tucker: I'm divorced. We're consenting adults, and if I can help Sharon through this painful time, it's all the better.

Kay: Sharon does not give a damn about Victor. You and I both know that. But this debacle, this-- this isn't about romance. This is not about love, not even lust. So, Tucker, what in the hell is it?

Tucker: Relationships are complicated.

Kay: Are you after, uh, you need, aha! You need money. Is that what you're after? I mean, to get back at Ashley?

Tucker: You know, I appreciate you hitting "Pause" on your mourning to come here and smack me around, but if you'll excuse me, I have a wedding to get ready for.

Kay: Don't you walk away from me! Stop right there, and by God, you look at me. You married Ashley because you loved her. That was real. Your marriage failed. That was real. But this situation now... what on God's green earth are you trying to do?!

Tucker: You're welcome to join us, but you might want to wait until after the "Speak now" part.

Kay: (Scoffs)

Jack: (Sets glass down) (Tosses folder down)

(Door opens and closes)

Jack: Trace.

Traci: (Chuckles) Jack. Oh, Jack, look at you. I knew you were walking, but to see it with my own eyes-- ohh! (Laughs)

Jack: Yeah, the legs are working.

Traci: (Sighs) I tried so hard to get here in time for the funeral. I wanted to be here for Abby and for myself. (Sighs) I'm sorry that I missed it.

Jack: No, you're not. Believe me, you're not.

Traci: What happened?

Jack: Well, imagine a respectful tribute, and then shove it down the disposal.

Traci: Well, I at least wanted to say good-bye. You know, Colleen's heart, um... the last piece of my baby, it--it was sort of like losing her all over again.

Jack: Oh, God.

Traci: What? Jack, what's wrong?

Jack: Oh, how many times did you tell me to stop warring with Victor, stop putting everything and everyone at risk? (Sighs)

Traci: What did you do?

Jack: I saw that Newman stock was very, very cheap, and I told myself, why not buy as much of it as I possibly can, even if I have to borrow money against Beauty of Nature?

Traci: (Gasps) Ohh.

Jack: And that's just what I did, and then they announced that Victor had died.

Traci: Oh, no. Oh, no.

Jack: Oh, yeah. Fought like hell to get that company, and now she's gone. And of course the worst part is I can't blame Victor. This is my doing. I did this myself. He may be dead, but he's getting the last laugh... and I am crying in my scotch to you. (Breathes deeply) Your brother is a fool, Traci. I'm a total fool.

Michael: That was Neil. Everything's ready at the club.

Lauren: Okay, good.

Fen: Do you mind if we just...

Michael: What, not go to the club?

Fen: Yeah, that.

Lauren: Um, yeah, of course.

Summer: Please. I need my friend at a time like this.

Phyllis: I'll walk you out.

Michael: I'm sorry, Nicholas. The world is just not the same place it was without your father in it.

Nikki: (Sniffles) Oh, God. (Cries)

Fen: I'm so sorry.

Phyllis: Um, I'll-- I'll meet you at the club, Nick.

Nikki: (Sniffles)

Abby: Can we rewind and have the real service now?

Nikki: Oh, God, I wish we could. (Sighs shakily)

Victoria: Well, why not? I mean, this is our chance to say good-bye... alone with Dad, the ones of us who really loved him.

Nikki: (Sniffles)

Abby: I had two great dads, better than I deserved. I wasn't always a... great daughter. Sometimes I was really awful... and naked and stupid. I love you so much. (Sniffles)

Nick: You once told me that I was a great father.

Nikki: (Sniffles)

Nick: You have no idea how much that meant to me... how much it wanted me to be a better father. You were a pretty great dad, too. And that you're not here with us... it never should have happened.

Victoria: (Sighs) Dad... all the times that I hurt you and everything that I did... not forgiving you sooner after you hurt me. I regret all that. I just want one day-- just one... to put Johnny in your arms again and to see you hold Reed's hand... and to tell you how much I'll always love you.

Sharon: And here I thought you were leaving me at the altar.

Tucker: I've been giving this marriage a lot of thought... and I can't make the same mistake Victor made.

Neil: Kay. I take it things didn't go well with Tucker.

Kay: Ohh, shame on me for ever, ever giving Tucker the benefit of the doubt, for thinking that he would come up with something... rational about this irrational situation. But this--this debacle, I mean, dear God, he is so full of himself. (Stammering) To think that he's right in every move he makes, and--and--and to be so sure that it's going to pay off. God.

Neil: He's going through with his wedding to Sharon, hmm?

Kay: (Chuckling) Oh, and he's going to gladly rub it in all of our faces.

Kay: Oh, no.

Lauren: Mm-hmm.

Chris: Would you both excuse me for a minute?

Phyllis: Such a big room, yet you still aim for me.

Chris: I spoke to Danny last night. He's back from his tour and... disgusted by what you did.

Phyllis: Allegedly did, Christine. Allegedly. And why'd you use the phone? Why didn't you just tattle about me in person?

Chris: And then what would you rent? A tractor-trailer to make sure you got the job done right?

Phyllis: Bite me.

Chelsea: Big news-- the wedding.

Adam: (Sighs)

Chelsea: You okay with that?

Adam: (Inhales quickly) (Sighs) "Okay" as in, uh, not jealous? No, not at all. "Okay" as in my extended family is a bunch of lunatics and knuckleheads? That's a different story.

Chelsea: (Sighs)

Adam: I watched you sleeping last night... and I did this.

Chelsea: (Chuckles)

Adam: And it occurred to me-- I'm your husband, little "Stretch's" father, and I'm the flawed human being that tries every day to be a little less flawed for you. Doesn't matter... what anyone else does or says. None of them matter. Just the three of us.

Sharon: "The same mistake Victor made." You--you think that marrying me is a mistake?

Tucker: I'm no fool, Darlin'. Of course I want to marry you. But I also want to dot some I's. Prenup.

Sharon: (Gasps) Ohh. (Laughs) See? And here you had me thinking that you were gonna call off the wedding.

Tucker: Yeah.

Sharon: (Laughs)

Tucker: A little bit of humor on such a serious day, huh? This little piece of paper will protect our respected fortunes.

Sharon: Well, you think of everything. How romantic. (Laughs) Um, here. (Sets purse down) Turn around. (Pen scratching)

Sharon: All right. I do.

Tucker: You do, do you?

Victoria: You guys want to come home? See Johnny? He's got this, um, little toy. When Keely chews on it, he squeals. It's--it's really cute.

Nick: That sounds... great. I just need a minute, though, to wrap my head around this whole day.

Nikki: (Sniffles)

Victoria: Mom?

Nikki: No, thank you, Honey. I... I'm not ready to leave yet.

Victoria: Okay. All right, well, Billy and I are just-- we'll wait here with you. We'll just be over on the bench.

Billy: Won't even know we're here.

Nikki: Thank you, but go home, please. I need this.

Victoria: (Whispering) Call me later.

Nikki: (Sighs shakily) I will.

Nick: If you need anything...

Nikki: I know, Sweetheart.

Billy: I'm sorry.

Nikki: Oh, Billy.

Nikki: (Sighs shakily)

Nikki: (Sobs)

Nikki: Oh, Victor. (Sobbing) Oh. (Sobbing)

Kay: Ah, people, if I may... Forgive me if I state that was the sorriest excuse for a memorial I have ever attended in my entire life. So, um, could we just take this moment and bid Victor a decent farewell and god bless? Victor was a man who was bigger than life, and by God, he left his imprint on every single one of us... sometimes welcome... and sometimes not. This man, this sometimes infuriating, loving, brilliant man, he asked much of all of us, and sometimes he asked the impossible. While his love as a father was boundless...

Johnny: (Babbling)

Kay: He showed it in ways his children often didn't understand.

Johnny: (Babbling)

Kay: But that same love made him fiercely loyal, made him stand tall with strength and affection... even when his very own children decided to travel a different path that he desperately didn't want them to. We can all agree today at the church it would be a kindness to call today a train wreck. It was not about Victor. It was not about the great, good man that he was. And I know there are people who don't consider Victor that great, good man.

Nikki: (Cries) So many times you left. (Sighs shakily) But you always came back to me. I... I-I-I need you. I don't... I can't... I can't... be without you. (Sobs) (Sobbing) You were supposed to come back to me one more time. (Sobs) Just one more time. (Sobbing)

Kay: But if I may remind those misguided souls...

Nikki: (Sobbing)

Kay: Victor Newman always has the last laugh.

Nikki: (Sobs)

Next on "The Young and The Restless"...

Sharon: Let's have a wedding.

Devon: If Tucker wants to marry Sharon and piss off the whole town, that's on him.

Kay: Nikki wants me back at the chapel as soon as possible.

Abby: Me, too. Here's my morning routine.

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