Y&R Transcript Monday 4/11/11 -- Canada; Tuesday 4/12/11 -- U.S.A.

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Episode # 9627 ~ Billy Teaches Chloe a Lesson

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread By Emma

Billy: Thanks.  Yeah, things are buzzin' around here. Sharon's escape is big news. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look, Honey, I want to try to make it home before Lucy goes to bed, but if I can't, will you please give her a kiss for me? And you? You wait for yours. I want to give you yours in person. Yeah, that, and I want a foot rub. I'm kidding... kind of. All right, I gotta go. I love you. Bye. All right, let's--let's stop. Can you do me a favor?

Woman: (Sighs)

Billy: Can you--can you clean this entire paragraph up? And then, um, you can actually just get rid of all that. Thanks. (Humming)

(Cell phone rings)

Billy: Billy Abbott. Whoa, Esther, slow down. What's wrong? Chloe's where?

Gloria: I mean, are these things really necessary? I mean, we're not gonna pull a "Sharon Newman" on you.

Chloe: (Sighs)

Gloria: After one night in this place, I don't really blame her for busting out.

Woman: Didn't like our accommodations?

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Chloe: Well, you know, I-I would have liked a toothbrush, at least. Nothing's worse than waking up in the morning and having all that grimy stuff all over your teeth.

Gloria: Mm-hmm.

Chloe: Oh, well, nothing...

Jana: Ooh, grumpy little prisoners.

Chloe: (Sighs) You've seen nothing yet.

Jana: You know what? Perhaps you should keep those cuffs on. I don't really feel safe.

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Chloe: Oh, my God. Yeah, play-- play the scared little victim. You know, I was wondering what psycho personality she was gonna show up with today.

Jana: Do you see that? You see that nasty aggression? That is totally unprovoked.

Woman: Have a seat, Ladies. Don't do anything stupid. We've got a busy day.

Chloe: Are you gonna tell "Sybil" here that this is all just a big misunderstanding so we can all just go home?

Gloria: And take a shower?

Woman: That's kind of a problem. Miss Fisher wants to press charges.

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Chloe: You've gotta be kidding me. Are you serious?

Jana: Mm-hmm.

Woman: Afraid not.

Chloe: Great.

Gloria: (Sighs)

Chloe: This is just great. You know, you told Kevin not to get Michael, so now we don't even have a lawyer.

Gloria: Eh, d-don't worry. My little Kevin'll find somebody to help us. (Sighs)

Kevin: Hi, there. Thanks for meeting me. I really appreciate it.

Heather: Well, you-- you said it was important.

Kevin: That it is. I need a favor. So how many times would I have to take in your mail, water your plants, take out your trash...?

Heather: (Laughs)

Kevin: In order to get you to do me a favor?

Heather: Uh, I guess that really depends on the favor.

Kevin: Uh, well, I-I, uh, I need your help, um, getting my mom out of jail.

Heather: Gloria? What is she in jail for?

Kevin: Uh, it's nothing serious at all.

Heather: Okay. Then sure. Yes, I-I-I would be happy to help, and I'll let you know about, uh, payment later.

Kevin: (Sighs) Thank you so much. That is--that's--that's great. There is one tiny-- very, very small detail, uh, that I haven't mentioned.

Heather: Okay. What?

Kevin: Well, it's not just my mom that's in jail. Um, you know, uh, what's-her-name? Uh, Chloe. Chloe's in jail, and I need your help getting her out, too.

Heather: (Laughs) Oh, um... you know, there isn't enough garbage in the world to get me to help out Chloe.

Sofia: (Hums Wagner's "Bridal Chorus from 'Lohengrin'")

Lily: Hey, here comes the bride.

Sofia: (Laughs)

Lily: How'd you sleep last night? I thought I heard you tossing and turning.

Sofia: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry if I kept you up. I was up until, like, 2:00.

Lily: No, no, that's Charlie and Matty's job. Don't worry.

Sofia: Well, Lily, I really appreciate you letting me spend the night like this. I know it's kind of old-fashioned, but I didn't want Malcolm to see me at all today until I was walking down that aisle.

Lily: No, I know. That's how it's supposed to be. And don't worry. It brings good luck, and I hope it does for you and Malcolm.

Sofia: Thanks.

Lily: Yeah, so coffee's ready. I'm gonna start breakfast.

Sofia: Oh, breakfast. Um, none for me. I'm too nervous to eat.

Lily: Yeah? And excited?

Sofia: And scared. (Laughs)

Lily: (Laughs)

Sofia: Oh, my God, Lily. I cannot believe it. Finally, after all these years, Malcolm and I are gonna get married.

Malcolm: I got it. Oh. Oh, where did it go? What the hell happened--?

(Knock on door)

Neil: Yo, yo, yo. Hey, hey.

Malcolm: (Chuckles)

Neil: What is this?

Devon: (Laughs)

Neil: Pajama bottoms and dress shoes. Nice wedding day outfit, my brother.

Malcolm: Yeah, yeah.

Devon: Yeah, I like the foaming at the mouth, too. That's--that's cool. (Laughs)

Malcolm: No, no, no, no, no. This is not a laughing matter, okay? This is serious business. I-I got a ton of stuff to do, and--and I came out here to get something, and I can't remember what I came out here to get. I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Neil: We don't know, either, but you need to take it easy, because your main dudes are here to help you now, all right?

Malcolm: Word. Word. Thanks. I need it. I'll be back. I gotta spit.

Both: (Laugh)

[Sniffs]

Malcolm: List--I had a list. I had a list with everything on it that I need to do. There's a to-do list somewhere around here. I can't find it. I mean, it had everything on it, unless I forgot something. I think--did I forget something? Where the hell is the damn list, Man?

Neil: (Whistles) Malcolm.

Malcolm: That's it.

Neil: Yeah, I know it.

Malcolm: That's the list.

Neil: Yeah.

Malcolm: Yeah. Okay, good. Good, good, good, good. Caterers--check. Uh, uh, flowers--check. Rings--remember the rings. Gotta get the rings.

Devon: Yeah, get your rings.

Neil: Gotta get the rings. Get the rings. Get the rings.

Devon: Hey, but hold on a second. You got pajama pants on.

Malcolm: Dude, I'm trippin', Dude.

Devon: (Laughs)

Malcolm: (Sighs)

Neil: You know, this is really funny. This must be a Winters family trait.

Devon: Yeah, Neil almost went outside in his pajama pants on his wedding day. (Laughs)

Neil: I sure did. I couldn't put two thoughts together, which is why, Malcolm-- hey, come here. Give me this-- I'm gonna handle this, all right?

Malcolm: Cool.

Neil: Yeah, I know it's cool, and I need you to be cool. I need you to know that everything's gonna be all right.

Malcolm: That's real easy for you to say. You're not marrying the woman you love.

Neil: You're right. I'm not.

Lily: You put the liner on thicker on the outside of your eyes, so it makes your eyes look bigger. Mm-hmm.

Sofia: (Laughs)

Lily: (Laughs)

Sofia: How do you know so much about makeup?

Lily: Uh, well, when I was a model, um, I just picked up some tips from the makeup artists, so...

Sofia: I didn't know you used to be a model.

Lily: Yeah, I was the Fresh Face of Jabot. (Laughs) I mean, actually, it was really just a fun way to make some extra cash while I was in college.

Sofia: Did your dad get you that job?

Lily: No, no. He was working at Newman. Jabot had an online contest, and Cane actually ran it.

Sofia: Oh.

Lily: And, uh...

Sofia: And you won? A little nepotism, maybe?

Lily: No, no. We barely even knew each other.

Sofia: Oh. Well, you got to know each other.

Lily: Yeah, we did. Yeah, I was really green when I started, 'cause even though I grew up around modeling, it's a lot different when you actually do it yourself.

Sofia: Mm-hmm.

Lily: So Cane, you know, he, um, he helped me. He basically held my hand through the whole process.

Sofia: And then you fell in love?

Lily: Madly in love. And who would have known that it would end two years later on those church steps?

Sofia: Lily, if you've changed your mind, Malcolm and I do not have to get married there.

Lily: No, I-I really do want you guys to, you know? Because then it can be a place where-- not where something ended, but where something began. You know, good and full of hope, and that's what we all need.

Sofia: Are you sure?

Lily: Yes, I'm sure. Now close your eyes so I can finish your makeup. (Chuckles)

Kevin: Thanks. Okay, look, I get that you and Chloe aren't friends, but--

Heather: Mm, no, no. We--we hate each other.

Kevin: Okay, you're enemies. But for the sake of this conversation, can't we say that you're frenemies?

Heather: No.

Kevin: Please?

Heather: Look, even-- even if I did say yes--

Kevin: Are you saying yes?

Heather: No, but even if I said yes, it would never work. I-I could never give Chloe a-a-a proper defense. I-I like the idea of her being in jail too much.

Kevin: Come on, now. I am certain-- certain that you can set aside your personal differences and do the brilliant, professional job I know you're capable of doing.

Heather: (Stammers) I really appreciate your-- your faith in me, but... (Sighs) Even if I were struck with some temporary insanity and--and agreed to do this, Chloe would never accept help from me.

Kevin: Actually, a night of using a steel toilet in an open room can be very persuasive.

Heather: What's she in jail for?

Kevin: Uh, I-I don't know exactly what the charges are. She and my mom, they-- they have this thing with Jana, and I-I think maybe they just took it a little too far.

Chloe: Who is Kevin going to get to represent us? Because he doesn't even have any money.

Gloria: Yeah, but I do.

Chloe: Oh, you know, you should have never said anything. Why did you tell him that?

Gloria: You know, something? (Voices overlapping)

Woman: Ladies!

Gloria: What?

Woman: You might not even need a lawyer.

Gloria: Ha!

Chloe: Oh, you mean because we didn't actually commit a crime?

Woman: I said "Might not." That your signature?

Jana: Yes.

Woman: This report says that you're the homeowner of the residence that was broken into.

Jana: That is right. They broke into my apartment.

Gloria: (Clears throat)

Jana: Well, she did. She helped her.

Woman: But you don't own the apartment. You're not even a renter.

Jana: Well, no. But my bosses let me stay there for part of my pay.

Woman: (Sighs) Nice arrangement, but if you aren't a homeowner, you can't press charges.

Chloe: Ha! Sucker.

Gloria: (Squeals) Yes!

Chloe: (Laughs)

Woman: So if you want to pursue this, you're gonna have to talk to your employer. It's just as simple as that.

Chloe: Oh, and good luck with that. Good luck with that, because it's not like Billy is actually gonna press charges against me.

Billy: What the hell did you do now, Chloe?

Gloria: (Sighs) Gotta be on your game today, Honey.

Neil: Okay, um, then I'm gonna go by Gloworm, make sure everything's okay over there. Yo, Malcolm?

Malcolm: Huh?

Neil: Are you sure that this is enough champagne?

Malcolm: (Sighs) Always a big brother. Look, I didn't want to order too much. What if nobody shows, Bro? Yo, uh, Roxy's comin', right?

Devon: Yeah, of course. She wouldn't miss it.

Malcolm: Okay, cool, cool, cool. What about you, Bro? You got a date?

Neil: Me? Um, I-I got no--no date, no.

Devon: He's gettin' a little too good at this bachelor thing.

Malcolm: (Chuckles) No, he's right. What's up, Man? When you gonna loosen up that tie, Man, and find you a good woman like Sofia, huh?

Neil: Uh, yeah, right.

Devon: (Scoffs) I wouldn't go that far. I mean, don't get me wrong. Sofia's cool, but Neil and her? They've gone a few rounds.

Neil: (Sighs)

Malcolm: Yeah, well, you know, Sofia and I circled in the beginning at first. I mean, she puts on this whole tough thing. But, I mean, once you really get to know her, you know, and you get past that defense, Man, she's--she's got such a big heart, Man. And once you touch it, there's no turning back. You know what I'm saying? I mean, Neil knows. I mean, you guys are-- you guys are cool now, right? You dig her, don't you, Bro?

Neil: Of course I do. And she's a terrific lady, Man. You're lucky to have her.

Malcolm: Don't I know. You know, it's funny, but, uh, it seems like, uh... (Chuckles) Women are the only thing that you and I both agree on. (Laughs)

Neil: Right? That's the truth. Listen, we'd better get this show on the road. Otherwise, uh, you're not gonna have her.

Malcolm: All right.

Neil: Uh, all right, so I'm gonna take care of this.

Devon: Mm-hmm.

Neil: And you-- I need you to take care of that.

Devon: Mm-hmm.

Neil: All right?

Devon: (Chuckles)

Malcolm: (Sighs) Um, yeah, Neil, look, do me a favor. Wait. Look, before you go--look, uh...

Neil: Yeah?

Malcolm: Look, Man, Sofia-- you know, she's--she's really old-fashioned about this-- the whole wedding thing, Man. She won't let me see her. I just want her to know that she's on my mind, and I'm thinking about her, so could you do me a favor and give these to her, please?

Neil: (Sighs) Sure. Love to.

Malcolm: Thanks, Bro. You the man.

Neil: No, Man. I'm the best man.

Malcolm: Yes, you are.

Neil: Right, I gotta go.

Malcolm: Yes, Sir.

Neil: Yeah.

Malcolm: (Laughs)

Devon: See you.

Neil: Yep.

Malcolm: What am I supposed to be doing now?

Devon: Gettin' dressed.

Malcolm: Gettin' dressed. Right. Gettin' dressed.

Lily: There... all done.

Sofia: Oh, wow. Let me see. (Chuckles)

Lily: (Chuckles)

Sofia: Oh, my God. Wow. You did a great job. I feel really beautiful.

Lily: Well, you look beautiful. My mom said that all brides are beautiful.

Sofia: Lily, you miss your mother?

Lily: Yeah. I mean, of course I do, you know? Especially on days like this. But she would have been really happy for Malcolm. And she would have loved you. You guys are so much alike.

Sofia: Really?

Lily: Yeah, you know? You're strong and independent, and you have a good heart and a great laugh.

Sofia: (Laughs)

Lily: (Chuckles) See?

Sofia: Girl, everybody else is gonna be doin' the laughin' if I faint in that dress walking down the aisle.

Lily: No, you won't faint. You know, my dad could actually walk you down.

Sofia: Oh, no. No, no, not your dad. That would be too awkward.

Lily: Yeah, I guess that would be kind of weird for the best man to give away the bride.

Sofia: Mm.

Lily: Um, well, just go by yourself. It's fine.

Sofia: Well, actually, Tucker is gonna escort me.

Lily: Tucker? Oh. Wow, you guys are that close?

Sofia: Yeah, we go way back. My, um, my dad and him were good friends.

Lily: You okay?

Sofia: Yeah. You know, my daddy always used to say my mother was dreamin' about the day since-- since the day I was born. I've been thinking about it a lot, too. Daddy givin' me away, and Mama sitting there looking sharp in a big hat, lots of smiles, tears. I hope they sell big hats in heaven.

Lily: Well, I am sure that they do.

Sofia: Yeah. You know, my family is gone, but I feel so lucky and blessed to become a part of this one.

Lily: Well, I think that the Winters got the best end of this deal. You know, before my mom died, she was like the center of everything, you know? So, you know, everyone would go to her for help and advice or just a hug. So it's nice to have someone to hug again.

Sofia: Come here. Lily, um, I know I can never replace your mom, but that was just about the nicest thing you could say.

Lily: Well, I can't wait for you to be Uncle Malcolm's wife.

Sofia: Neither can I.

Lily: (Chuckles)

Billy: Let's hear it, Chloe. What did you and "Ethel" do now?

Chloe: Gloria and I didn't do anything. It's "Nanny Nightmare" over there.

Billy: God, I-I am so tired of listening to you being threatened and jealous and insecure. Knock it off.

Chloe: Really, I am not jealous of that psycho.

Jana: (Scoffs)

Billy: Really? You're the one acting crazy.

Chloe: Because I am out of my mind with worry. That woman is taking care of our daughter, and I had to do something.

Gloria: Yeah, and I helped.

Billy: I cannot believe this, you guys.

Chloe: Okay, will you just listen to me? Okay? Just listen. I found proof. I found proof that she is a looney and a liar.

Gloria: Billy, we just had to do a little sleuthing.

Jana: Yeah, that is code for breaking into my flat.

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Billy: What?

Chloe: I found a pregnancy pillow locked in a drawer.

Jana: It was a bloody Halloween costume. I've already explained that to you!

Chloe: Oh, really? Then why were you walking around with an ultrasound in your purse? Was that part of your costume, too?

Jana: Do you see this? Do you see this? It never stops. I haven't done anything, and they just keep harassing me at home, at work, and at the coffeehouse.

Billy: What the hell is wrong with you two?

Chloe: With me? Really?

Billy: Yeah, with you. Do you want to press charges? Is that what you want to do?

Jana: Well, I can't. But the homeowner can, you see.

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Chloe: Which he would never do.

Billy: No?

Chloe: You can't press charges, okay? Because we don't even have a lawyer.

Gloria: Yeah.

Kevin: You do now.

Gloria: Kevin, Kevin, Angel, I knew you would find somebody for us, 'cause you are a good son.

Chloe: Oh, you gotta-- that is our lawyer? Yeah, you can forget it.

Heather: (Sighs)

Heather: I told you.

Kevin: No, look, when she said, "Forget it," she wasn't saying she didn't want you to represent her.

Chloe: I-I'm sorry. Am I speaking Chinese? That's exactly what I meant.

Heather: Well, you know what? That's fine, because I was really just doing it as a favor for Kevin, anyway.

Chloe: Which is your specialty-- favors for my boyfriends.

Heather: (Scoffs)

Chloe: I'm good, so why don't you just get lost?

Kevin: Chloe, look, I get that you and Heather have issues, but you need a lawyer, and since your partner in crime said I couldn't call Michael, its Heather or nothing.

Chloe: No. No contest.

Gloria: Would you please be reasonable?

Chloe: How about--how about you call Jeffrey and see if he can find us a lawyer?

Gloria: Lover man is in Vegas at a restaurant trade show. We need to go with Heather.

Chloe: No, we don't...

Gloria: (Scoffs)

Chloe: Because Billy is not gonna press charges against the mother of his child. Right?

Billy: A burglar and a mind reader-- you are amazing.

Chloe: (Sighs) Okay, fine, you know, you are such a jerk, and you're really good at it. Why don't you stop being a stupid jerk?

Billy: Pushin' the wrong buttons once again.

Chloe: I found a pregnancy pillow locked in a drawer, and she's walking around with an ultrasound. That is crazy, even for Jana.

Jana: I told you already--

Chloe: Oh, my God! Trick-or-treat! It's April! Okay? Okay, listen, just forget about me, okay? Forget about me, and just think about Delia, and think about Lucy, okay? Or do you not give a damn about them, either?

Billy: Oh, I'll tell you what, lock her up. Throw away the key. I could care less.

Jana: (Chuckles)

Gloria: Billy.

Billy: Gotta go.

Gloria: Billy, Billy, please.

Chloe: Please tell me he can't just--he can't just press charges because he's pissed, right?

Kevin: Look, I think that he can, so this would be a really good time to reconsider your position on Heather.

Chloe: No.

Jana: Kev. Kev.

Kevin: What? What?

Jana: Kev, I know you. You are a really, really good person, but please don't fall for her evil vendetta.

Chloe: Will you please stop the act? Because no one's buying it.

Jana: You just hush, okay? Do you hear all of that negative energy? It's awful. I swear, it's just gonna suck the soul right out of you.

Kevin: Okay, look--

Chloe: Okay, listen. Just go talk to Billy for me, please?

Kevin: I will. Okay?

Chloe: Please.

Kevin: I will take care of this. In the meantime, please just stay out of trouble.

Jana: (Scoffs)

Kevin: It'll be okay.

Chloe: (Sighs)

Kevin: It'll be all right.

Jana: Well, Billy sees the truth. And now all I have to do, Chloe, is convince Kev.

Chloe: Oh, you better stay away from him, or I swear--

Jana: Oh, yeah, or what? Hmm? Hmm?

Chloe: (Sighs)

Heather: So, uh, do you want my help or not?

Gloria: Yes!

Chloe: No! No.

Malcolm: (Sighs)

Devon: How you doin' back there?

Malcolm: I can't get this tie right, Man.

Devon: Look at you. Award-winning photographer, and you can't even handle your tie.

Malcolm: Yeah, we'll see how steady you are on your weddin' day.

Devon: Well, that day's a long way off.

Malcolm: Mm, I thought you and Roxy were tight, Man.

Devon: Oh, we are tight. We are, but, um, Tucker just hooked, uh, Noah and me up with some big record executives in New York, and, uh, you know, this is what I've been wantin' to do my whole life. It's finally happening.

Malcolm: Check you out, "Baby D."

Devon: You can tighten it.

Malcolm: Looks like y'all are gonna be hangin' in the big apple for a while, huh?

Devon: Hopefully. Maybe go to Europe and Japan, you know? There's a lot of stuff that I want to do and see and experience.

Malcolm: Well, it's a beautiful thing, Man. You sound like me when I was young.

Devon: Yeah.

Malcolm: Yeah.

Devon: I figure once my career gets off the ground, then I'll think about settling down.

Malcolm: Take your time, you know? You're still a young man. You got a lot of living to do. Man, you don't want to rush things. Now Neil, on the other hand...

Devon: Hey, don't let him hear you say that.

Malcolm: (Laughs)

Devon: (Laughs)

Malcolm: No, I'm just saying, Man. I mean, I really want him to find somebody, you know?

Devon: Yeah, I know. So you said.

Malcolm: Yeah, well, I don't think big bro is listening to me.

Devon: Hey, no, he heard you. I even think he's lookin'. I mean, he's dated plenty. Just it's tough for him probably to--to find anyone that matches up to Dru, especially when you don't believe that person exists.

Lily: Okay, hair and makeup are officially done.

Sofia: Wow, Lily, you could make a living doing this.

Lily: Yes, right, between feedings and diaper changes.

Sofia: (Chuckles)

Lily: (Chuckles) Um, okay, so where is your "Something old, new, borrowed, and blue"?

Sofia: Okay, my dress is new.

Lily: Right.

Sofia: This is blue.

Lily: Ooh. Malcolm is gonna like that.

Sofia: (Laughs) And for something old, I have this. Um...

Lily: (Gasps)

Sofia: It was my mom's.

Lily: Oh, wow. It is beautiful.

Sofia: (Sighs) Just like her.

Lily: Here. I'll put it on you now, okay?

Sofia: Oh, great. Thank you.

Lily: Okay, so what about something borrowed?

Sofia: Well, I-I don't really have anybody to borrow from.

Lily: Yes, you do. I'll be right back. I have the perfect thing, okay? Hold on.

Sofia: Lily. (Chuckles)

(Knock on door)

Lily: Oh, can you get that?

Sofia: Oh, sure, I'll get it.

Sofia: (Sighs)

Neil: You look beautiful.

Sofia: Thanks. (Chuckles) I mean, I'm-- I'm not even ready yet, so... are those for me?

Neil: Malcolm asked me to bring them.

Sofia: Oh, how sweet of him, my favorites. (Chuckles)

Sofia: Maybe I should, uh, put these in a vase.

Neil: Yeah.

Sofia: Yeah.

Neil: Well, well, big wedding day. You as nervous as Malcolm?

Sofia: Well, it hasn't quite dawned on me yet what I'm about to do.

Sofia: Neil, I--

Lily: Okay, so I found it. Hey.

Neil: Hey.

Lily: Isn't she a beautiful bride?

Neil: Yes, I-I was just-- uh, I was actually just telling her that.

Lily: Oh, wow, are those from Uncle Malcolm? He's so romantic.

Neil: (Chuckles)

Sofia: Yeah, that's just one of the many reasons I love him. (Chuckles)

Neil: Uh, listen, I, uh, I-I better let you get ready. I don't want to hold up or stop the wedding.

Sofia: Definitely not.

Neil: I'll see you at the church. Bye.

Lily: Okay, bye.

Lily: Wait, so there's a, uh, a card. What does it say?

Sofia: Oh, wow. (Sighs) "Sofia, I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I thank God you want to be my wife. I can't wait for you to be Mrs. Winters." (Giggles) "I love you. Mr. Winters."

Lily: (Chuckles) Aw. Aw.

Gloria: Yes.

Chloe: No.

Gloria: Listen, would you please let go of the hate for about two seconds and think about this rationally?

Chloe: Rational? "Heather" and "Chloe" don't go in the same sentence.

Gloria: Try.

Chloe: Okay, it is not rational for Chloe to have Heather represent her under any circumstances.

Gloria: Really? Is that so? Well, your charming ex is about to press charges, which means a lot more jail time. So either work with this bitch or you'll be somebody else's. Hmm?

Chloe: (Sighs) Can you get us out now?

Heather: I'll see if I can get you an arraignment for this afternoon.

Chloe: You'll "See"?

Gloria: Uh, thank you. We appreciate it.

Heather: Charges are minor. Bail should be set at the hearing. You'll be free to go after that.

Chloe: Well, we shouldn't even be in here. I just can't believe that Billy cannot see through Jana's lies. (Sighs)

Billy: Yo. What the hell? What are you doing here?

Kevin: Probably the same thing you are.

Neil: Okay, this is for a dozen extra bottles of champagne. My dude, make sure they're chilled. I appreciate that, all right? There we go. L-Leslie? Hey. Hi, what are you doing here?

Leslie: Well, hi, yourself. I was gonna have lunch, but they're closing the restaurant for a private party, so if you're here for lunch, you're outta luck.

Neil: Yeah, isn't that funny? Yeah, I'm here because of the private party.

Leslie: Oh.

Neil: Yeah, my brother's wedding reception is here, so just clearing up some last-minute things. That's all.

Leslie: Oh, okay. Well, congratulations to your brother.

Neil: Thank you. Appreciate that. I'm, um, a long way from the altar myself, though.

Leslie: Yeah, uh, it's not in my P.D.A., either, not at all. (Laughs)

Neil: Hey, let me ask you something. (Stammers) Is anything on your, uh, on your calendar today?

Leslie: No, I don't think so. Why?

Neil: Well, uh, you could do me a favor. I mean, I-it would be a-a very big favor. I'm--I'm kinda lookin' for, um, a date. The best man needs a-a date.

Leslie: Oh, wow, the best man with no date. Now that's just sad.

Neil: You could save me from being the lonely, pathetic older brother today. What do you say?

Leslie: You know what? I suppose I could take a little pity on you.

Neil: So is that a yes?

Leslie: It is.

Sofia: (Gasps) Lily, this is lovely.

Lily: Thanks. It was my mom's. She wanted me to wear it on my wedding day, and I did.

Sofia: Are you sure you want me to?

Lily: Yes, of course I do. I mean, listen. There's so many amazing memories attached to it, you know? Not just my mom, but my wedding to Cane. So if you wear it, it'll be like there's a little piece of both of them there today.

Sofia: I don't know what to say. Um...

Lily: How about "Something borrowed"?

Sofia: Okay, "Something borrowed." (Laughs)

Lily: (Laughs) Okay.

Sofia: I love it. Will you help me put it in?

Lily: Of course I will.

Sofia: (Sighs)

Lily: Where do you want it?

Sofia: On the side, maybe.

Lily: Okay.

Sofia: Cool.

Lily: There we go. It's perfect.

Sofia: Thank you. I mean, really, thank you so much for-- for making me feel like a part of this family.

Lily: Well, you know, you make it easy. And listen, I'm not the only one that feels this way. My Aunt Olivia, Devon, my dad, we all love you, okay?

Sofia: (Sighs)

Lily: Okay, well, enough of this.

Sofia: Okay.

Lily: Let's get you into your dress so that you're not late to your own wedding.

Sofia: Oh, my God. Come on.

Lily: Okay, you ready?

Sofia: (Laughs) Yes.

Neil: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm late. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Malcolm: Where you been, Man? Come on.

Neil: Yeah, I know. I got a little sidetracked, that's all.

Malcolm: Sidetracked? Neil, it's my wedding day. What couldn't have waited till tomorrow, Man?

Neil: I'm sorry. A-a-a date for the wedding.

Devon: A date?

Neil: Yeah, a date.

Devon: Look at you. Good for you, Man.

Malcolm: Now does the lovely woman who took pity on you have a name?

Neil: Yeah, Leslie. Leslie Michaelson. Where is my tux?

Devon: In the bathroom.

Malcolm: Will you hurry up, please, Man? (Chuckles)

Neil: I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying. Do some deep breathing or something, brother.

Malcolm: You--you gave Sofia the flowers?

Neil: I gave her the flowers.

Malcolm: Okay, is everything cool at the Gloworm?

Neil: Yeah, I ordered the extra champagne.

Malcolm: Okay, cool. Cool. Hey, uh, what about the rings?

Neil: The rings... the rings, uh...

Malcolm: Tell me you didn't forget the rings, please! Neil, we can't get married without the rings, Man! Neil, for--

Neil: Yes.

Malcolm: For real, Man, stop playing, Man. You--you-- you can't forget the rings. If you forgot them rings, I'm gonna hurt you, Man.

Neil: (Sighs)

Malcolm: And then everybody's gonna be talking about how the Winters brothers was fightin' at this wedding.

Neil: Malcolm, I got you.

Malcolm: What? What?

Neil: The rings. Ta-da! I've got 'em, Man. Come on, I wouldn't ruin this day. I was messin' with you.

Malcolm: Man, come on, Man. Man, you play too much. Man, I swear, I'm gonna hurt you, Neil.

Neil: Yeah?

Malcolm: Yeah.

Neil: Yeah? You want to lose your best man? Come on.

Malcolm: (Laughs)

Neil: (Laughs) I got 'em. I got 'em. I'm gonna finish gettin' ready.

Devon: (Laughs)

Malcolm: (Sighs) This dude, Man.

Billy: Here's the deal, "Kevvy." You and I can never think alike.

Kevin: We both broke in here for the same exact reason.

Billy: No, see, that's where you're wrong. I own this place. It's mine. Look. I even have the keys. See? Right here. Nothing in common.

Kevin: You are such an arrogant ass.

Billy: And you, Sir, are still a law-breaking chipmunk.

Kevin: What are you doing? Who are you calling?

Billy: I got a friend over at the G.C.P.D. I'm gonna call him and say there's breaking and--

Kevin: Give me that.

Billy: Oh, nice. I'll just add "Theft" to the long list of complaints.

Kevin: All right, go ahead. Go ahead. Call the cops. I just won't tell you about the evidence I found against Jana.

Billy: Okay, what evidence? Kevin, quit screwin' around. Are my kids safe with Jana or not?

Malcolm: (Exhales) Finally.

Devon: All right, uh, I'm gonna have valet pull the car around.

Malcolm: Cool. All right, we'll be down as, uh, soon as I make sure we have everything.

Neil: No, no, no, no, no. As soon as I make sure.

Malcolm: Right. Still trying to make sure I don't screw up. Check him out.

Neil: Come on. I just want-- I want this day to be perfect for you. That's all.

Malcolm: Yeah?

Neil: Yeah. Yeah. You know, you're doin' the right thing. You're gonna be okay.

Malcolm: Man.

Neil: You ready?

Malcolm: (Sighs) I don't think I could be any more ready, Bro. You know, I-I-I thought this had passed me by, you know? The whole wife/family thing-- I-I thought I missed my chance.

Neil: Hey. Now that you got it, don't let it go. You know how special Sofia is, right?

Malcolm: Yeah, Man. It doesn't get much better than this. I'm tight with my big bro.

Neil: (Chuckles)

Malcolm: I'm about to marry the woman I've waited my whole life for. (Sighs) Let's do this.

Neil: Hey, I want you to know something-- how happy I am for you. I'm really happy.

Lily: (Gasps) (Chuckles) Oh, my gosh. You are gonna take Uncle Malcolm's breath away.

Sofia: Oh, Lily. (Laughs)

Lily: (Laughs)

Sofia: Oh, my gosh.

Lily: Are you okay?

Sofia: (Sighs) I'm--I'm-- it's all a little bit much.

Lily: I know. It's overwhelming. Trust me, I know. But it's a good overwhelming, okay?

Sofia: Okay. Okay.

Lily: Because you are marrying the man that you love.

Sofia: I do love Malcolm.

Lily: I know. So don't let anything get in the way of this being the happiest day of your life, okay?

Sofia: I won't.

(Door opens)

Gloria: Heather, good! Chloe and I have been talking. Well, she's been cussing out Billy and Kevin. I've been talking, and we'd like to clean up before we go to the arraignment.

Heather: Uh, yeah, that-- that won't be necessary.

Gloria: No, no, no. We would like to make a good impression on the judge.

Heather: You're not being arraigned, a-at least not today.

Chloe: Why not?

Heather: Budget cuts. (Sighs) No hearings, no trials. Court's been canceled for the day, and, uh, they're pretty backed up, so I don't know when you'll go before a judge.

Chloe: (Chuckles) You know, you are as good at punking people as you are at picking out your suits.

Heather: This suit--$500. Knowing that I am not punking you-- priceless.

Gloria: No, no, no, no, no. Are you serious? I have to stay in this jail for another night?

Chloe: Okay, look, there-- there must be something that you can do. Can't you just be the brilliant lawyer that you are?

Heather: Unless Billy drops the charges, there is nothing anyone can do.

Chloe: Oh, my God. Where is that jerk? Where is he? And Kevin? And how can they leave me in jail for taking a pregnancy pillow while that hippie-loving organic-- oh, my God-- is getting away with murder?

Kevin: You think I'm just gonna spill and let you handle everything?

Billy: Yeah, I do.

Kevin: Billy, I know guys named Hogan and Angelo. You don't scare me.

Billy: Kevin, quit screwin' around. Don't do that, not when it comes to my kids.

Kevin: Look, I care about Delia a lot, and Lucy, too, which is why you and I... we--we're gonna work together on this.

Billy: (Chuckles) Fine. Um, how do I know that you're not just completely full of crap and you don't have anything against Jana?

Kevin: You don't.

Billy: Fine. We'll work together. I hope that makes you happy. What evidence do you have? Please let me see it.

Kevin: Since you asked so nicely, I found that right before you got here.

Billy: A receipt for a pregnancy pad?

Kevin: (Sighs) Look at the date, you smart person.

Billy: Two weeks ago, you royal pain in the... (Clears throat)

Kevin: A little late for Halloween, don't you think?

Billy: Yes, it is a little weird. What is she up to?

Kevin: I don't know.

(Key rattles in lock)

Billy: Oh, Man.

Jana: What are you two doing here?

Lily: Careful.

Sofia: (Inhales sharply) All right. Oh, you know what? I left my bouquet in the limo.

Lily: Okay, I'll get it.

Sofia: No, it's okay. It'll just take me a second. Um, I'll meet you in the church?

Lily: Yeah, sure. Okay, hold this.

Sofia: Okay.

Lily: All right.

Sofia: (Sighs)

Daniel: You okay?

Lily: (Sighs)

Daniel: Come on. Let's get you inside.

Daniel: (Clears throat)

Next on "The Young and the Restless"...

Phyllis: It's hot.

Nick: I don't know. Take your clothes off.

Kevin: If you've done nothing wrong, just talk.

Jana: (Sighs) I'll tell you the truth.

Man: Step out of the car, please.

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