Y&R Transcript Monday 10/12/09 -- Canada; Tuesday 10/13/09 -- USA

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Provided By Eric
Proofread By Emma

Jack: (Picks up telephone and pushes buttons)

Sharon: Hello?

Jack: Hey, it's me. How you doing?

Sharon: Um, I'm shaky, but I made it out of my room, so that's something.

Jack: Well, that's big. Listen, if you feel like leaving the club, though, I was hoping you'd meet me somewhere.

Phyllis: Hey. You know, your daughter has ripped through about six rolls of wrapping tape. She's made fingernails out of 'em. (Sighs) Did you talk to your mom?

Nick: Yeah. (Sighs) Dad's, uh, he's hanging in there.

Phyllis: Yeah.

Nick: Just gotta wait and see.

Phyllis: Listen, I'm not gonna push--definitely not gonna push, but after everything you've been through-- losing the baby and spreading the ashes, I just really don't want you to keep it in. Please don't keep it in, Nick.

Summer: Daddy!

Nick: Hey, "Supergirl." (Groans) You are so big.

Phyllis: Wow.

Summer: (Giggles)

Phyllis: Um, if you-- if you don't want to go to the festival with us, it's--it's fine, because we have-- we have Fen, right? And Lauren and Michael. You can stay home if you want.

Nick: Okay.

Phyllis: Yeah.

(Knock on door)

Michael: Hello, hello!

Phyllis: Oh, hey.

Michael: Festival time.

Phyllis: (Laughs)

Michael: How you doing?

Phyllis: Mwah! Good!

Michael: Nick! Nick, how are you?

Phyllis: (Chuckles)

Nick: I'm okay, thanks.

Phyllis: Um, you may have the Newman girls to yourself-- you and Lauren and Fen. Um, Nick may-- may stay home and do a couple things around the house. That's okay. Daddy can stay home, right?

Summer: Okay.

Phyllis: All right.

Michael: Okay. Fenmore cannot wait to see you, "Half-pint." Mwah!

Nick: (Groans) There you go. Why don't you put your coat on there?

Phyllis: All righty.

Michael: (Chuckles)

Phyllis: Put your coat on. Here let's set the gift down. There you go. Oh, we're gonna have a good time, aren't we, at the festival?

Nick: Hey, you know what? There's a real science to eating candied apples so you make sure the coating doesn't fall off, and only Daddy knows the secret.

Phyllis: Wow, only Daddy knows the secret, right? Does that mean that Daddy's coming with us?

Nick: Yeah. He's coming with you. Let's go.

Michael: Yay, Daddy!

Nick: (Sighs) Let's go.

Phyllis: All right.

Michael: (Chuckles)

Phyllis: Oh, wow, I gotta take that off.

Michael: (Chuckles)

Phyllis: (Laughs) Got everything?

Michael: Let's go.

Phyllis: I don't need a purse, right? I don't need it.

Michael: There's a birthday boy in the car. No, no. We've got plenty of cash.

Phyllis: (Chuckles)

Nick: (Sighs)

Kay: For the best apple pie in Walworth county goes to our own Miss Pearl!

Pearl: (Squeals)

Murphy: Yay, Pearl!

Pearl: Thank you!

(Laughs)

Kay: (Laughs)

Pearl: Oh, thank you. Thank you! Oh, thank you.

(Laughs)

Murphy: So, uh, Joe, how about that? What do you mean, "The contest was rigged"?

Pearl: Oh, he's just jealous that I'm bringing home a blue ribbon and he isn't.

Kay: (Laughs) That's possible.

Murphy: Yeah, you see? That's what you get for staying home to watch the--the playoffs.

Kay: Let--let me talk to Joe. Let me. Let me. Joe, I--what? Well, no, I-- Murphy and I will be very proud to eat your apple pie any time of the year, right?

Murphy: Yeah.

Kay: Right.

Pearl: (Laughs)

Kay: What? Huh? Oh. (Laughs) No. Uh, he says next year, he's entering his Dutch apple crumble, and you'd better be prepared, because he's bringing you down, girl.

Murphy: Oh, yeah.

Murphy and Pearl: Oh, that'll be the day!

Pearl: (Laughs)

Kay: All right. All right. We'll talk to you later. Bye-bye, Joe.

(Sighs)

Pearl: (Sighs) Oh, you know, it--it's almost time for the smoked brisket judging.

Murphy: Oh.

Kay: The what?

Pearl: Smoked brisket.

Murphy: Oh!

Pearl: Wish me luck.

Murphy: Hey, go-- go get 'em, baby.

(Laughs)

Pearl: (Laughs)

Kay: Happy brisket or what-- ah.

Murphy: Hey, you know, you-- you seem as happy as that-- that chef over there.

Kay: (Chuckles) Do you know, after what Victor's been through, and, uh, and--and-- and Colleen, I really never thought I'd find a smile today, but... (Chuckles) Oh, thank God I was wrong.

(Chuckles)

Murphy: (Chuckles)

Kay: Oh, thank God I was wrong.

Mac: Was it too soon to come here?

Billy: No, the cleaning crew did a good job. You'd never be able to tell that these are the last four walls Colleen ever saw.

Mac: Okay, let's go. We're going home.

Billy: No, I-I'm sorry. It's okay. It's fine. It's just I need to talk to you in a quiet place, and it's good that we're here now. We can remember the good times, maybe make some new good times.

Mac: Okay, whatever you want.

Billy: Oh, whatever I want?

Mac: Mm-hmm.

Billy: You must have it bad for me, baby, because I would not put up with my foul moods. Mnh-mnh. No way.

Mac: Grief isn't a failing, Billy. It's a necessary step.

Billy: (Clears throat) You know, you are gorgeous, but right then, you just sounded like your grandma in the hospital... (Chuckles) And in the chapel.

Mac: Gross.

Billy: Y-yeah, I know, and that's not the vibe that I'm looking for right now.

Mac: Trust me, I am not grandma.

Billy: Oh. Well, excuse me.

Mac: Mm-hmm.

Billy: Mm.

Chloe: (Speaking indistinctly)

Billy: Whoa!

Chloe: (Sighs) Mmmm...

Billy: Y-y-you-- this is great. I mean, it's awesome. You--you really are a predictable thing in an unpredictable world.

Chloe: Oh, y-you think that I followed you?

Billy: Mm-hmm.

Chloe: Okay. O-okay. Great. Chance, will you please explain to Billy that we went to the harvest festival, then we went to that new sushi place, and then to the bar on Franklin?

Chance: We did.

Chloe: Yes, we did. And we needed a place to go, and the leaves started to change.

Chance: We actually have the picnic basket in the car right now.

Chloe: (Sighs)

Mac: Us, too.

Billy: It's like kismet.

Chloe: Okay, yeah, it looks suspicious, but, you, Billy Abbott, are not the center of my universe, okay? (Sighs) Chance here happens to occupy my mind and my emotions, which means that I forget about you. Will you stop smiling like that?

Billy: (Mockingly) Smiling like what?

Mac: Hello, Chance. It's good to see you.

Chloe: (Sighs)

Chance: Hi, Mackenzie.

Billy: (Chuckles)

Chance: Um, lovely weather we're having.

Mac: It is.

Billy: Come on, Chloe. You can tell your good buddy Billy. Do you have a tracking device on my car?

Chloe: Oh, Billy, is your head always this far up your--

Billy: Whoa, there she is! There she is. There's my friend Chloe. Isn't she cute with her little potty mouth?

Sharon: Noah told me about the nice service you all had yesterday. I'm sorry I couldn't be here, but, um, I know after all the times you've supported--

Jack: I know why. You had to say good-bye to the baby, a special kind of hell. I've been there, remember? Anyway, I'm sorry.

Sharon: Thank you. It wasn't easy, but Nick and I got through it. And then we just went our separate ways, you know? I mean, whatever Nick and I had or could have had, that's-- the past is done.

Jack: Grief has tied the two of you together for a long time.

Sharon: And it has taken us to some very dark places, places that neither one of us belonged. But you know what? It's--it's kind of a relief to know that the two of us can get through something so awful as just friends, and nothing more.

Jack: What the two of you have will always be special.

Sharon: Just like what you and I have. Jack, we both know that you really wanted this baby to be yours. And the fact that you're still here supporting me and not resenting me--

Jack: I could never resent you.

Sharon: Well, no one would blame you if you did. I have been really lucky to know two great men like you and Nick. And you're still here standing by my side. You haven't said good-bye.

Jack: I've said enough good-byes for a lifetime.

Sharon: So have I.

Michael: Ooh! Look! Look! Look, pigs!

Lauren: See the pigs? Oh, my goodness!

Michael: (Laughs)

Phyllis: Gosh, face painting.

Lauren: They're so cute.

Phyllis: And the petting zoo, apple pies.

Michael: Pigs and apple pie. That sounds really hygienic.

Lauren: And look, we can get a balloon for the birthday boy. Is that good? And his best girlfriend. What do you think?

Michael: (Laughs)

Nick: Absolutely.

Lauren: And face painting. Look, over there. Do you want to get your face painted?

Fen: Yeah.

Lauren: All right!

Michael: We're going to face painting. Let's go.

Lauren: We got it.

Phyllis: Thank you.

Michael: There will be no face left.

Summer: (Giggles)

Michael: (Growls)

Nick: Summer's first fair since she got sick, and I'm a total buzzkill.

Phyllis: No. Maybe it's a little too soon-- all the noise and festivities.

Nick: (Sighs) Do you have any idea how many of these I've been to with Cassíe? How many Ferris wheels we rode?

Phyllis: I'm sure. But you thought you'd do it with Summer and-- and your other daughter.

Nick: Yeah, I did.

Phyllis: Well, if you want to go, you can. It's fine.

Nick: Look at our daughter. She is smiling like crazy because her friend Fen is getting paint on his face. There is no way I'm gonna ruin this day for her...

Phyllis: You wouldn't--

Nick: Or for her mom.

Phyllis: You wouldn't be ruining it.

Nick: Well, every second wasted is a second that I'm not gonna get back. You know, Summer's getting so much better. Language development, her speech-- she's--she's doing well.

Phyllis: She's tough.

Nick: She's like that 'cause you taught her to be like that. So I can suck it up and eat some barbecue for a little while. After everything you've done, it's the least I can do.

Phyllis: Oh, you'd do that for us?

Nick: I would.

Phyllis: You're my hero.

Nick: Yeah. I'd like to see someone try and come and rescue you. I think you'd put 'em in a headlock. My wife's a fighter.

Phyllis: You know, in Switzerland, she kept on making progress, right? But there were setbacks, and, you know, I just had to keep on... (Sighs) You know, going down that straight line. And I realized something about myself-- that I am a fighter. That's what I was born to be. I'll fight for my family.

Nick: And I'll be right there with you.

Phyllis: I know you will.

Michael: Tell me something, wife.

Lauren: Hmm?

Michael: How is it that kids have an endless span of attention when it comes to animals, and yet, no span of attention at all when it comes to... subtle.

Lauren: What?

Michael: If you strain your neck any further to see Nicholas and Phyllis, you're gonna snap your head off.

Lauren: (Gasps) He just smiled. That's good. That's good.

Michael: All right, after everything he's gone through, if the man wants to smile, or doesn't want to smile, that's fi--

Lauren: I know exactly what he's going through, and that's why I want him to be okay so badly, a-and not just for his sake, but for Phyllis', as well. I-- I mean, when he walked out to be with Sharon, I--

Michael: That's over now. It's over.

Lauren: (Sighs) But the fire that made Phyllis, Phyllis was gone, and she is just back to her own self. (Sighs) She deserves 100% of Nick.

Michael: I agree. But it's Fenmore's birthday, and I can't help thinking about everything we went through when he was born. That misery kind of bonded the four of us. And when Nick kind of left the fold, as it were...

Lauren: You were hurt, too.

Michael: No, I wasn't hurt. (Stammers) No.

Lauren: Honey, you can admit it to me. (Sighs)

Michael: I admit that I'm jealous that that gentleman can carry off black socks, white tennis shoes and plaid shorts, and I can't, so there.

Lauren: (Sighs) Okay, Honey. Okay.

Kay: (Sighs)

Lauren: Oh, Kay.

Michael: Oh, Katherine. Perfect timing.

Murphy: Hey, guys. You having fun?

Michael: Mm-hmm.

Lauren: Yeah.

Kay: Did you see the butterfly on Summer's face? That was so sweet.

Murphy: Aw.

Lauren: I know. It was so cute, wasn't it? So I hear you're responsible for all of this?

Murphy: Oh, just a little fund-raiser for a couple of good causes.

Kay: Uh, yes, well, this is the man who's responsible for all of this mayhem.

Lauren: (Laughs)

Kay: For heaven sakes, take a bow.

Murphy: (Groans)

Kay: (Chuckles) You cannot believe the money he has raised on apple pie alone.

Lauren: Uh, I'm sorry. Did you say "Apple pie"?

Michael: Oh, oh, wait.

(Voices overlapping)

Michael: Hold on.

Lauren: Magic words here.

Michael: Ah. Ha, ha!

Kay: (Chuckles)

Michael: Will this buy me any of the good stuff, Murphy? Hmm?

Murphy: I have a connection.

Lauren: (Laughs)

Murphy: I told you I like this guy.

Kay: He's going to fleece you out of everything you own. You know that, don't you?

Michael: Hmm.

Lauren: (Laughs)

Michael: Uh-huh.

Lauren: So sweet.

Kay: Yes, he is.

Lauren: So, um, I assume you're spending a lot of time outside of Victor's hospital room?

Kay: Well, I think Victor is stubborn enough to beat this. How's Nicholas doing?

Michael: As good as can be expected.

Phyllis: Look how sweet she is.

Nick: Yeah, okay, I'm gonna need you to back away from the pig, Ma'am.

Phyllis: Oh, but she's so squishy.

Nick: I know she is.

Phyllis: Oh, adorable.

Nick: Come on.

Phyllis: Hey. Why do I have to back away?

Nick: Well, I-I'm kind of feeling a hot dog later.

Phyllis: Oh. (Chuckles) Your smile makes me happy. Mm.

Nick: I don't want to shut you out. So if you want to hear about yesterday, scattering the ashes, I'll--I'll tell you.

Phyllis: Okay. I'll listen.

Nick: All right. It was, uh, it was like a giant hole was ripped right through my chest. But then after it was over, you know, it felt like I had let go. We didn't turn back. We faced it head-on. You know, it was-- it was the right thing to do. Like I told you earlier, I'm not gonna waste a single second. I'm not shutting down, and I'm not shutting you out, because I want to make our kid smile like she is today every day.

Phyllis: Okay. I like that. That's good with me.

Nick: All right.

Phyllis: And I know how to do that-- by winning Summer a cow.

Nick: That would definitely do it.

Phyllis: It would do it.

Nick: Yes.

Phyllis: Winning her a cow by shooting basketball.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Phyllis: I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna shoot basketball and win her a cow.

Nick: Well, no, no. I-I got that covered. I'm gonna--I'm gonna handle the hoops. I'll--

Phyllis: Ooh, oh, really?

Nick: Yeah.

Phyllis: (Stammers) I'm sure you can, but, you know, I'm--maybe you're a little rusty after everything you've gone through.

Nick: Really? Really? You're gonna go there? You sure you want to go there?

Phyllis: Maybe I'll-- maybe I'll have to do it. You know, I'm just gonna go try.

Nick: I'll--I'll do the hoop. Oh! Are you--gross!

Lauren: Is that as good as it--what happ--wha--

Nick: Are you kidding me?

Michael: Did Nicholas just step in what I think he stepped in?

Murphy: (Laughs)

Michael: I am so happy. I'm a happy man.

(Glass shatters)

Jack: Damn!

Sharon: You okay?

Jack: Yeah, I just broke the casserole dish.

Sharon: Oh, well, that's okay. I wasn't hungry, anyway.

Jack: No, no, we gotta eat. We got so much food left over in this house from the celebration.

Sharon: Sounds like you need help cleaning up. What can I do?

Jack: Actually, there is something you could do, and it's a little more complicated than figuring out how to load the dishwasher.

Sharon: Okay. What do you need?

Jack: Since Colleen died, this house is Abby's, and, uh, she's awfully young, and terribly busy, and I told her I would, uh, help her find a tenant. I thought it might be interesting to rent it out to someone who knew the people in the house, someone who shared their spirit, their determination. What do you say?

Sharon: You want me to rent out Brad's house?

Jack: Too weird?

Sharon: Um, no. Uh, no. I mean, Brad-- Brad was a good friend.

Jack: I know you felt terribly guilty for a long time that you turned him away the--

Sharon: No, but that's okay. I--you know, things are-- things are different now.

Sharon: You know, I think he'd get a kick out of me living here.

Jack: Oh, I can see his self-satisfied, smug little grin right now.

Sharon: Oh, be nice. No more room service, no more hotel room, no more waiting for my life to start.

Jack: Is that a yes?

Sharon: Yes, that is a yes. (Chuckles) How do you know me so well? How do you have this instinct of what I need?

Jack: 'Cause that's what I need-- that look in your eyes, that look that says, "Things can still be okay, even after..."

Sharon: You, too... even after.

Chloe: (Groans)

Chance: Listen, listen, listen, Chloe explained to you why we're here, all right? Can't you guys just cut her a break?

Billy: I feel for you, man. I mean, it must be awkward to be here defending Chloe, my ex, at my family's cabin. I think "Awkward" probably covers it for you, huh?

Chance: No, Billy, "Awkward" is actually a "Disturbing the peace" phone call where you have to break up a fight over who wants to use a hot tub first where all parties are drunk, naked and, uh, well, frankly, getting out of hand. This, on the other hand, pales in comparison.

Billy: You're unflappable. That's a good thing, because dating Chloe, there's lots of games. And you can get used to it, or, listen to me, nephew, you could run. I'm telling you, run.

Chance: I don't need to hear this.

Chloe: Oh, God, oh, you are hysterical, aren't you? Funny, great. Do you have a muzzle for him, or do you like it when he runs his mouth like this?

Mac: Honestly, Chloe, why are you here?

Chance: We told you, all right? The leaves are changing.

Mac: Right, and you have a picnic basket in the car. But, Chloe, walking in here like you own the place is a little odd, don't you think?

Chloe: It's the Abbott cabin. What's so weird?

Billy: "What's so weird"? If you don't remember, you're not an Abbott anymore.

Mac: Which makes it a little bit bizarre.

Billy: I'm not saying stalker bizarre--no, man, I am. That's stalker bizarre, for sure, right there.

Chloe: Okay, you gotta back off, because I am still an Abbott, and you and I are not divorced, my friend.

(Keys jangle)

Billy: Oh, that's—

(Sighs)

Chloe: Technically, no.

Mac: Oh, God.

Billy: J-ju--no, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. We're just waiting on some sort of, like, official stamp thing. I signed those papers. Those papers have been filed, I promise.

Chloe: Technically, no.

Billy: "Technically"?

Chance: Yeah, there was a glitch.

Billy: You knew-- he knew this, and I didn't know this?

Chloe: Okay. (Sighs) Maybe I haven't signed the papers yet.

Billy: You haven't signed the papers yet?

Chance: Wait, that was the glitch?

Chloe: It's a small, minor detail. If you just--no.

Billy: Oh, no, come on. That's not gonna happen here.

Chance: Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Easy.

Billy: (Laughs) Excuse me. May I please have a little conversation with her?

Chloe: (Sighs) I'm fine. I'm fine.

Billy: You're doing a bang-up job. Thank you.

Chloe: Oh, you're so--

Billy: Yeah.

Mac: This could take a while, and I have potato salad in the car.

Chance: Well, why don't we go get that potato salad? I'm sure if there's any arguing, we'll hear it.

Mac: Yeah.

Chloe: (Sighs) Okay, if you're gonna freak out, I don't think that we should talk.

Billy: Oh, we're still technically married. I think I have the right to freak out just a little bit.

Chloe: Okay, I didn't not sign the papers on purpose, okay? You took your sweet time getting them to me, and I put them aside, and I had--I had work, and I had Delia, and she had a cold. And then, you know, Chance, he's a really great guy. It was just-- (Groans) It was just--

Billy: It was just a glitch. I know.

Chloe: (Sighs)

Billy: No, it wasn't. I came up here to straighten my life out, and, you, you had to track me down. You had to screw with my head.

Chloe: No. No, I wasn't doing that. I know that I've pulled a lot of crap, but this time, I was not doing that. I know what you've been going through lately.

Billy: (Clears throat) Do you mean that?

Chloe: Yes. Yes, I do.

Billy: Okay, well, for some reason, I believe you.

Chloe: Good. Then next time, don't just assume that I give a rat's "A" about you, because I actually came here with that tall, good-looking guy to spend private time with him, not you. Hmm!

Billy: "Private time"? "Private time"?

Chloe: Yeah, I think that you're familiar with the term.

Billy: (Sighs) Let me get this straight. You and I are technically married, and you brought your boy toy up to my family cabin to get lucky.

Chloe: (Groans)

Billy: Yeah. (Groans) Is right. You little—

(Groans)

 Jack: It's a lot to swallow. Colleen's gone, but "The mustache" lives on. I know he took a couple bullets that were probably intended for me, but he also set in motion this horror story that had me dragging my niece out of the lake in the first place.

Sharon: Well, you know how I feel about Victor.

Jack: That will always be a puzzlement to me.

Sharon: I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just saying that Patty made her own choices.

Jack: You know, you can say the words "Crazy" or "Psychotic" or-- this woman doesn't have a clue what she did, who she hurt, hell, what year it is. What kind of life is that?

Sharon: Jack, that's not your fault.

Jack: I'm not saying that--

Sharon: I know you, Jack. I know you, and I'm telling you, it's not your fault what Patty's become.

Jack: And you thought I was a rotten husband.

Sharon: (Chuckles)

Jack: Eh, I guess I'm just not very good at the "Love and marriage" thing.

Sharon: Well, you could always meet someone else.

Jack: I could say the same thing to you.

Sharon: (Sighs) No, not me. I'm on my own for the next 20, 30 years.

Jack: On behalf of all men everywhere, what a shame.

Sharon: (Laughs) You know, I just-- I don't want to be half of a whole right now, you know? I just want to be whole on my own.

Nick: (Groans)

Michael: (Laughs)

Lauren: (Laughs)

Nick: I think somebody set me up.

Michael: Yeah, I had a little talk with the pig.

Lauren: Actually, I think it's more like goat.

Michael: (Laughs)

Kay: Isn't that a sign of good luck, stepping in the--

Murphy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The--the best.

Michael: You're lucky I couldn't find a cow.

Lauren: (Laughs)

Nick: Oh, that's--yeah. Yeah, that's funny.

Phyllis: That's great.

Nick: Let me just, uh, yeah, thank you.

Michael: Excuse me?

Nick: Oh, this is payment for my suffering.

Michael: Murphy, any chance your connection has more?

Murphy: Oh, I'm not sure, but, uh, there's brisket.

Lauren: Ooh.

Kay: And, uh, listen, for an extra $20, you get a personal escort.

Michael: Ahh, brisket.

Lauren: Yes, oh, look, Honey. It'll be like Vegas.

Michael: Lead the way.

Murphy: This way.

Kay: Here we go.

Lauren: You be the whale, and I'm the arm candy.

Michael: Oh, brisket. It's like apple pie without the apple.

Phyllis: Look at Summer and Fen with the bunnies.

Nick: Yeah, even the bunnies are mocking me.

Phyllis: The public humiliation--I'm sorry.

Nick: Yeah, I know. I am suffering.

Phyllis: (Chuckles) Can I do anything to make it better?

Nick: Uh, you might be able to.

Phyllis: Yeah?

Nick: Yeah.

Phyllis: All right. I'll do anything.

Nick: Good.

Mac: Café quoi.

Chance: Yeah, café quoi. Nothing like spending 10 bucks for a sandwich, but, you know, it's Chloe's favorite.

Mac: Billy's, too. No point in getting worked up about it. It's who they are.

Chance: In each other's face at the moment.

Mac: I know Billy can be difficult, but it's better than seeing him how sad he's been lately.

Chance: Are you okay with this whole divorce thing and with all the papers? Are you okay with that?

Mac: (Chuckles) It just bothers me that I didn't see it coming. They're connected by Delia, and whatever weird chemistry they have.

Chance: You're fine with it, though?

Mac: No, I am-- I am not fine. But I accept it. You?

Chance: (Sighs) Chloe knows the deal. As long as she's still connected or has whatever she has with Billy, then it's just gonna be picnics and sushi and everything casual.

Mac: Casual was never an option for me and Billy. We've loved each other too long. But I do hate the fact that our time alone has turned into "The Billy and Chloe hour."

Chloe: He is not just a "Boy toy." He is actually strong and driven, and he's got big hands.

Billy: Big hands?

Chloe: Yep.

Billy: Big, squishy hands. That's it. I'm-- (Clears throat) Okay, nephew, you're a good boy, and, you know, you just-- you don't need to be here. So why don't you guys just leave? Because we came up here for some privacy. And, you know, there's a lot to talk about.

Chloe: Yeah, like what? Like what kind of lots?

Billy: Like none of your business, life-changing lots.

Chloe: Oh, like huge bigamy lots, Billy? I hope that you don't have a ring in that pocket, 'cause you are still married.

Chance: Yeah, which is a glitch that we're gonna take care of very soon, aren't we?

Mac: We're not talking about marriage, Chloe, not that it's any of your business.

Chloe: Then what's so huge?

Billy: I'm resigning from Jabot, you nosy little--

Chloe: You can't commit to anything, can you?

(Laughs)

Kay: Now did you realize Pearl really did make the brisket?

Phyllis: Mmm.

Lauren: It was delicious.

Kay: Now if, uh, Murphy would just stop pouting because he hasn't won a prize at his own festival... well, I should go and massage his... ego.

Lauren: (Laughs)

Phyllis: His ego?

Kay: Girls.

Lauren: Oh, his--wow. Go for it. Hmm.

Phyllis: Is that us years from now?

Lauren: Oh, we should only hope so.

Phyllis: Yeah.

Lauren: Nick seems to be having a good time. I mean, that's no small trick. He's lucky to have you.

Phyllis: You think?

Lauren: Yes, I do.

Phyllis: We're both lucky, like you and Michael are lucky to have each other.

Lauren: Yeah, I-- oh, my, don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

Phyllis: Oh.

Lauren: I mean, you know, Michael--he's a great guy.

Phyllis: Yeah.

Lauren: Brilliant mind.

Phyllis: Yeah.

Lauren: But why is it he cannot toss a ball into a cup?

Phyllis: Yeah, well--

Lauren: What is that?

Phyllis: Not an athlete, not an athlete.

Lauren: No, not an athlete.

Phyllis: I think it's a nice way of saying he's a spaz.

Lauren: That's not very nice. You're bad.

Nick: Whoa, hey.

Michael: Oh, God! It's rigged! God!

Kay: Easy. Easy.

Murphy: You wish.

Michael: Sorry.

Nick: Yeah, it's okay.

Murphy: See you.

Michael: Yeah.

Nick: We--we can get more.

Michael: Two more, please.

Nick: Go on. Yeah.

Michael: Um, I wanted to, uh, I wanted to thank you about telling us about Sharon and the baby. I know that couldn't have been easy. (Groans)

Nick: It would have been harder not to tell you. I mean, you guys know us so well. You know, this is great. The kids are having a blast. How does this rate as far as Fen's birthdays go, you know?

Michael: (Sighs) Uh, well, he's on an epic sugar high. It doesn't get any better than this.

Nick: I know what he means. This is better than sitting vigil in some hospital any day. (Sighs) You know, you're getting closer, for whatever that's worth.

Lauren and Phyllis: Hey.

Michael: Throw 'em. Hey.

Lauren: Did you win anything yet?

Michael: It's rigged, so...

Phyllis: Rigged?

Michael: It's all rigged.

Lauren: Oh, sure it is.

Nick: (Mouthing words)

Michael: It is. It's rigged.

Sharon: So I could paint and change the curtains.

Jack: Sure, anything you like.

Sharon: Oh, the freedom after living at the club and the psychiatric hospital.

Jack: You know what? That hospital changed you. Is it horrible to say it changed you for the better?

Sharon: You know, it does sound horrible, but it's true. I mean, just all of the-- the group therapy, the doctors, the time I had alone to think, it--it really did help me. And, um, the doctor who delivered the baby told me that she never had a chance, so if I had lost her before getting my own head together, I wouldn't even be here right now. I'm such a convert, I even signed up for bereavement group.

Jack: I'm proud of you. I think that's great. I think it's very brave.

Sharon: I know what I've lost, and I know what I have. The past doesn't have to own me, and it doesn't have to own you. You have to let it go, Jack. Victor, Patty-- just let it all go.

Lauren: Look what you won.

Phyllis: Thank you.

Lauren: (Laughs) That is so cool! Here, will you hold my purse?

Phyllis: Yeah.

Lauren: Okay, I'm gonna try. (Gasps) Yeah! Look what I got!

Phyllis: Yeah. Of course.

Lauren: Thank you.

Phyllis: Look at our pigs. Yay! Our pigs!

Lauren: Oh, my gosh. Yay!

Michael: Come here. Oh, my goodness, who is this? Whose face is this? What did they do to you?

Nick: (Groans) Look at that face. Let me see it.

Michael: My child is scarred.

Nick: Look at it. Oh, it's so pretty-- good-looking hearts.

Michael: (Laughs) You love that, don't you?

Nick: Good job.

Lauren: (Laughs) Oh!

Phyllis: Oh, good.

Lauren: You did so great!

Kay: Ohh!

Pearl: (Laughs)

Lauren: So sweet.

Phyllis: Oh.

Kay: (Chuckles)

Kay: What's that thing?

Murphy: (Laughs)

Kay: What?

Murphy: Here you go.

Kay: (Laughs) Oh. Aw. Thank you very much, Murph. Uh...

(Pig grunting)

Michael: (Laughing) Fen is gonna love this!

Lauren: Although he has such a great arm, there is absolutely no way that that would ever happen.

Phyllis: Really? Yeah.

Lauren: Oh, I'm--

Michael: (Yells)

Phyllis: What--

Lauren: What on earth?

Michael: Aah!

Phyllis: Hey!

Lauren: What are you doing?

(Camera shutter clicking)

Man: Smile.

(Laughter)

Sharon: Come in. Come in. How are you?

Noah: Okay. It's just a little weird being here after yesterday.

Sharon: Um, well, you sound better than you did when I spoke to you last night.

Noah: Are you better? I mean, I know it's not like it'll all go away.

Sharon: Um, I'm okay, and part of it has to do with being here. Jack is looking after the house for Abby, and, um, he asked me if I wanted to rent it. And, Sweetheart, this place has so much room and bright light, and it's so much better than staying at the club. I'm tired of that. I feel like I'm in limbo.

Noah: I can get that.

Sharon: Okay, so I told Jack yes, and I want you to live here with me, not so that you can take care of me-- though that was very, very nice of you to offer-- but so that I can be a mom and look after you.

Noah: Mom, come on. You know I don't need a babysitter.

Sharon: No, I know you don't need a babysitter. But what you need is parenting, and I am your mother, and that's where I come in. See how that works?

Noah: I guess.

Sharon: You guess?

Noah: Okay, fine, but I get to pick my room.

Sharon: I guess. (Sighs)

Chloe: Okay, so no more Jabot. Well, great, then you can stay at home with Delia, and you can, I don't know, write blogs about being "Über-dad." It's very "Jon & Kate," very hip.

Billy: I'm not going to be sitting at home eating bonbons watching Oprah, Chloe.

Chloe: Oh, is that what you think a stay-at-home parent does? Well, way to offend half of America, Billy.

Mac: The good news is they usually get bored after a while and storm off.

Chance: You know what? Time's up. All right, tell you what, why don't we just go grab Delia and go into town and picnic there?

Billy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. My Delia?

Mac: Or we can go, Billy. It's ridiculous for us all to be here.

Billy: No, we won't be, because she's leaving.

Chloe: He's leaving.

Billy: You know what? Go back to the Chancellor mansion. Do whatever you want there with "Mr. Big hands," okay?

Chloe: Okay, I'm sorry. We must have cut into your little teenybopper make-out session. Still an Abbott, still staying. I'm hungry. How about you?

Kay: So tell me, did you get a final count of the till? That's important.

Murphy: Oh, well, Mr. Baldwin over here, he's gonna get a, uh, plaque at the owl lodge.

Michael: I am happy to do my part.

Murphy: (Chuckles)

Kay: (Chuckles)

Phyllis: It was a pretty great day.

Nick: Yeah, it was.

Noah: So the one with the master bath--

Sharon: Um, that would be the master bedroom.

Noah: And master means "Guy," right?

Sharon: Um, master means "The person who's paying the rent."

Noah: Oh, bummer.

Sharon: Poor you.

Noah: (Sighs) (Sighs)

Jack: Sharon's right. Let it go already. (Sighs)

Woman: Oh, Patty, no. You didn't. (Sighs)

Next on "The Young and the Restless"...

Nick: Your ride on our father's good graces ends right now.

Kevin: My mom was making me paranoid.

Jeff: Is this our ticket to the big-time?

Victor: I think that Adam should be given a second chance.

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