Y&R Transcript Wednesday 10/2/91  

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Provided By Suzanne

[ Waltz playing ]

Herald of Arms: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege and honor to present her majesty, the elegant, exciting queen of hearts, and her escort, the irrepressible mad hatter.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: And now, a rare treat and a man who needs no introduction -- the father of our country, general george washington, and the woman who put an arrow through his heart this evening, cupid.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: Please welcome the beautiful and dynamic diana ross, escorted by dionysus, the greek god of wine, who will surely try to work his magic on the beautiful diana tonight.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: May I introduce the beautiful brazilian bombshell, carmen miranda, and her escort for tonight's ball, another of our beloved presidents, teddy roosevelt.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: Ooh-la-la. All the way from "gay paree," the provocative, delightful fifi. She will clean your house and tickle your fancy.

[ Applause ]

Rex: [ Chuckles ]

Herald of Arms: Ladies and gentlemen, fans and movie lovers, may I present the beautiful, the luscious, the exciting sex goddess of the silver screen, ms. Holly hollywood. And wouldn't you know it, her escort for the evening, the wolf.

[ Applause ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Herald of Arms: And now, ladies and gentlemen, direct from the nile, I give you that fabulous egyptian beauty, cleopatra.

John: That's some entrance.

Leanna: Bit overdone, don't you think? But then, nothing about jill has ever been subtle.

[ Applause ]

Rex: I wonder if she brought her asp.

Katherine: Jack certainly must feel like one, having to accompany that to the ball.

Herald of Arms: As you can see, the lovely queen has left her caesar home for the evening and brought her escort, prince charming.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: Revelers, partygoers, feast your eyes on the enchanting, exquisite marie antoinette.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: And her handsome escort of the evening, the fearless, courageous captain intrepid.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: May I now introduce one of the great american symbols of stage and screen -- the extraordinary and unpredictable mae west.

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms: Escorted to the ball this evening by that dashing rogue, zorro, a man who's out to make his mark on the lovely lady, I'm sure.

Ryan: What is all this cloak-and-dagger stuff? I was looking forward to coming down the stairs and being introduced like everybody else.

Victoria: Trust me, ryan. That's not a good idea.

Ryan: Why?

Victoria: Just go along with me on this, okay? Please?

Ryan: So, do we know what daddy is coming as?

Victoria: Haven't got a clue.

Ryan: Somebody rich and powerful, no doubt.

Herald of Arms: It gives me great pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, to introduce the charming and beautiful scheherazade, accompanied by the most powerful and feared warrior of all time, the roman conqueror.

[ Applause ]

Jack: There's a costume that fits the man. Probably wears something like that to bed.

Ryan: [ Laughs ] Well, I wasn't too far off, was I? Shall we go say hello?

Victoria: No.

Ryan: What do you think? He's gonna feed me to the lions or something?

Victoria: He might. Come on, ryan. Let's go dance.

Herald of Arms: And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the world of the circus, our ringmaster for the evening has arrived, accompanied, of course, by his lovely panther. Dare he turn his back on this feline temptress?

[ Applause ]

Lauren: I hate to be catty, pardon the pun, but that's exactly what I would have had sheila wear.

Paul: [ Laughing ] Well... easy, lauren. Your claws are showing. We're at a party.

Neil: Olivia, come on. Let's dance.

Let's welcome our handsome arabian sultan, who has caught himself a beautiful...

Neil: [ Loudly ] I haven't been to one of these things before. Have you? It's great, isn't it?

Olivia: Yes, but why are you talking so loudly?

Neil: [ Loudly ] I was?

[ Normal voice ] I'm sorry.

Olivia: [ Chuckles ]

Herald of Arms: Well, what have we here? It's little bo-peep, who may have lost her sheep, but I'm sure she won't shed any tears as she's found herself valentino, the world-renowned matador.

[ Applause ]

Cricket: I'm so glad nina decided to come with john.

Danny: Me too. It would have been a shame to miss this.

Cricket: Yeah. Want to go say hi?

Danny: Yeah.

Cricket: Alright.

Herald of Arms: Pardon me, sir. I don't believe you've been introduced. If you'll give me your card, I'll bring it to the majordomo for an introduction.

David: No, I-I don't want to be introduced.

Herald of Arms: Are you certain?

David: Uh, well, you see, actually, I'm just very shy. It took all my girlfriend could do just to get me to this party.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Waltz playing ]

Katherine: Oh, jill, that was quite an entrance you made.

Jill: Thank you, katherine. I didn't want to be ostentatious. In real life, cleopatra would have been carried in here on a litter with a dozen men fanning and fawning.

[ Laughter ]

Katherine: And you are so lucky to have two. You did pay them well.

Jill: Katherine, I really don't need this tonight. Thank you.

Rex: Ladies, where are our party manners? Jack, do you realize how lucky we are both to be out with royalty this evening?

Jack: So we are -- the queen of hearts and queen of the nile.

Katherine: And as for you, I am quite surprised to find you with jill. Where is your lovely wife, nikki?

Jack: Nikki is on a little holiday right now.

Katherine: Oh! So, your father begged you to take jill off his hands. Oh, jack. It could have been your idea. Was it?

Jack: Don't read anything into this, katherine.

Jill: Oh, save your breath, jack. She will, anyway.

Rex: And this.

Katherine: [ Laughs ]

Neil: Great party, isn't it?

Olivia: Funny -- it's not like nathan to be this late.

Neil: Well, you know, olivia, drucilla probably hung them up getting ready. Here. Olivia? Why don't we mingle? Come on.

Brad: [ As zorro ] You know, I've only seen the real mae west on the late show.

Traci: [ As mae west ] Mm. Well, from what I understand, she was really quite something.

Brad: Well, then you made the perfect costume choice...

[ Normal voice ] ...'Cause traci abbott is quite something herself.

Estelle: That's lovely. Is that crab?

Mm-hmm.

Estelle: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Douglas: Thank you. I...I don't believe I've had the pleasure. May I introduce myself? Colonel douglas austin.

Estelle: Oh, in real life, you are only a colonel?

Douglas: [ Laughs ] Bit of a comedown after henry, isn't it?

Estelle: Well, I'm sure the colonel is a much nicer man.

Douglas: Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

Estelle: I'm madame chauvin.

Douglas: Ah. Chauvin?

Estelle: Oui.

Douglas: Haven't I heard that name before somewhere?

Estelle: Perhaps...if you are interested in ballet.

Douglas: Oh, my word. You mean you're that madame chauvin, the famous prima ballerina?

Estelle: I was not aware there was any other.

Douglas: Oh.

[ Laughs ]

Estelle: Bon appétit.

Douglas: Bon appétit, madame.

S'il vous plaît?

Estelle: Oui. Merci.

John: Leanna, my dear, i have a little confession to make. I felt a little foolish getting into this costume coming here at first. But now I must say I feel quite comfortable, by george.

Leanna: [ Laughs ] Well, I think your being mr. President becomes you. Only now instead of a company, you're running a country.

[ Both laugh ]

John: Well, then, shall we dance?

Leanna: I'd love to.

Cricket: [ Laughs ] So, my dear, where are your sheep?

Nina: Well, I left them in the parking lot, of course.

Danny: Yeah, not anymore. Anybody hungry for lamb chops?

Nina: Oh!

[ Laughs ]

Cricket: That's gross!

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Douglas: Oh. Wonderful costume, danny. Marvelous -- must be one of a kind.

David: [ Growls ]

Estelle: Ooh!

Douglas: [ Laughs ]

Estelle: Excuse us.

David: [ Chuckles ] Well, let's just hope everybody thinks so, you stupid, old fool. - Oh. - What's going on?

Herald of Arms: Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. It is my great pleasure to introduce the two people responsible for this marvelous charity ball. They have worked tirelessly to give us this incredible evening. You have met them already as the queen of hearts and the mad hatter. Please give a warm welcome to katherine chancellor and rex sterling.

[ Applause ]

Katherine: Thank you. Is everyone having a splendid time? We hope you continue to have a wonderful evening because it is each and every one of you who have made this masquerade ball such a huge success. And thanks to your generosity, we will be able to make a record, record contribution to those less fortunate than ourselves. I'm so proud of that. Now, some of our talented guests have volunteered to provide the entertainment this evening. Rex, help me out.

Rex: Yes, yes. Right to my dear, yes. Thank you very much. Oh, thank you, thank you.

[ Laughter ]

Herald of Arms: Now it gives me great pleasure to be able to announce our first performers. None other than herself, my co-chairperson, katherine chancellor, and his "nibs," colonel douglas austin. Can we please give them a loud, round...

[ Applause ]

Herald of Arms:  ...Round welcome of applause. Thank you.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Douglas: Maestro, please.

Herald of Arms: Your wish is my command. Ready, fellas? Hit it.

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

Katherine: Gray skies are gonna clear up

put on a happy face uh...

brush off the clouds and cheer up

put on a happy face

wipe off that gloomy mask of tragedy

it's not your style

you'll look so good that you'll be glad you decided to smile

now pick out a pleasant outlook

stick out that noble chin

wipe off that full-of-doubt look

slap on that happy grin

and spread sunshine all over the place

just put on a happy face

Douglas: Gray skies are going to clear up

put on a happy face

brush off the clouds and cheer up

put on a happy face

take off that gloomy mask of tragedy

it's not your style

you'll look so well that you'll be glad you decided to smile

now pick out a pleasant outlook

stick out that noble chin

wipe off that full-of-doubt look

slap on a happy grin

and spread sunshine all over the place

just put on a happy face

and spread sunshine all over the place

just...

just put on a happy face

[ Cheers and applause ]

Nina: Hi, mom. You having a good time?

Florence: A great time!

Nina: Good. I'm glad. Glad I came.

Florence: Oh, me too.

Paul: So tell me, is marie antoinette singing with or without her head tonight?

Lauren: Oh, ha ha ha. Very funny. Stick around. You never know.

Paul: Well, I wasn't planning on going anywhere.

Lauren: And I wasn't planning on letting you go anywhere.

Paul: Oh?

Mary: Now, don't you be discouraged.

Lynne: I'm not, mrs. Williams, really.

Mary: I firmly believe that given a little time, it's all going to work out.

Lynne: So, are you having a good time?

Mary: Only one thing could make it perfect -- if you and paul were together.

Scott: There you are. We've been looking for you guys.

Paul: Well, we're just getting a little fresh air.

Scott: Lauren, you're looking terrific.

Lauren: Thank you, mr. Lion tamer. You been cracking the whip, sheila?

Sheila: No, he wouldn't dare. See, panthers? They can be vicious.

Lauren: I know.

Danny: Little bo-peep, I hope you find more sheep.

[ Laughter ]

David: Enjoy yourselves. It won't be long. Your mission:

Brad: You seem pretty far away.

Traci: Did I? Thank you.

Brad: Traci, I want you to know I'm thinking about this baby just as much as you are.

Traci: Brad, I know that. Look, this ball is a fabulous evening, and we've been looking forward to it for a very long time. Let's just enjoy ourselves tonight, not think about anything else.

Brad: Okay, you got it. We're just gonna concentrate on having a great time.

Traci: Sounds perfect.

Brad: Would you like to dance? Get rid of these. Uh, excuse me. Good timing -- thank you. Shall we?

John: Um, excuse me, my beauty. Do you think I could have the honor of this dance?

Ashley: Oh, well, I would love to dance with my daddy -- and the first president.

[ Laughs ] Daddy, look. It's so wonderful to see them dancing, isn't it?

John: Oh, goodness, yes. What do you think, honey? You think it could happen for brad and traci?

Ashley: I hope so. I really, really hope so, dad. Come on. Let's go.

Drucilla: Your wife sure does look like she's having a good, old time.

Nathan: She's supposed to be at the hospital.

Drucilla: Mm-hmm.

Olivia: Nathan, dru! Where have you guys been?

Drucilla: Where else would we be?

Nathan: Olivia, didn't you hear us being introduced?

Neil: No.

Olivia: No, I didn'T.

Nathan: Well, listen. We're together now. That's all that really matters. So, if you'll excuse me, my man, I'm going to borrow my wife.

Drucilla: Imagine that. Dancing with you all this time, and her husband's right here in this room?

Neil: Hey, hey, wait. Let me tell you something. Olivia didn't know nathan was here yet.

Drucilla: Maybe not. But you sure did, you sly, old dog.& You still have the hots for my sister, huh?

Neil: Hey, come on. This is an elegant costume party. Try to maintain some dignity, would you?

Drucilla: Mm-hmm.

Neil: Please.

Victor: Well, hello, neil. Hello, drucilla.

Neil: Hi, mr. Newman.

Drucilla: Oh, mr. Newman. A stupendous affair, wouldn't you say?

Victor: I'm glad you like it.

Drucilla: [ Laughs ]

Neil: I'm sorry, mr. Newman. I guess that was my fault. I've been trying to help her work on her english.

Victor: You know, she's a breath of fresh air. You don't try to change her too much.

Neil: Yes, sir.

Victor: Excuse me.

Neil: Yeah.

Lauren: Sheila, I understand you came to see paul the other evening.

Sheila: Yes, I did.

Lauren: Came as quite a surprise to me.

Sheila: Well, actually, i surprised myself a little.

Scott: So, what do you guys think about the four of us getting together and putting some of this tension behind us? And I want to do it, and sheila is willing to give it a try. What about you two? Hmm?

Victor: Dear john...

Ashley: Oh!

Victor: Would you mind if i danced with your daughter?

John: Not at all.

Ashley: Bye, dad. Alright.

Ryan: You have been avoiding my question all night.

Victoria: What question?

Ryan: About what's going on between you and your father tonight.

Victoria:He had someone else picked out to take me tonight.

Ryan: [ Laughs ] You mean, your father actually arranged a date for you?

Victoria: That's right.

Ryan: Somebody you know?

Victoria: No, I never met him before in my life.

Ryan: Well, maybe we should go down and say hello to dad.

Victoria: Ryan, didn't you hear me? He's expecting me to be with someone else tonight.

Ryan: Oh, come on! Sooner or later, he's going to see me, vic. Maybe it should be sooner. Come on. Let's go dance.

Katherine: Uh, your attention, ladies and gentlemen, please, your attention. Thank you. Now, for our next surprise talent, it gives me great pleasure to introduce someone whose face is not well-known to most of you. But for many, many years, she has been very, very close to me. I give you my friend and my... I give you my friend, ms. Esther valentine.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Esther: Everybody ought to have a maid

everybody ought to have a working girl

everybody ought to have a lurking girl to putter around the house ah-choo!

[ Laughter ]

Everybody ought to have a maid

everybody ought to have a menial, consistently congenial and quieter than a mouse

[ Laughter ]

Oh, oh, oh, wouldn't she be delicious?

Tidying up the dishes, neat as a pin

oh, oh, wouldn't she be delightful, sweeping out, sleeping in?

Everybody ought to have a maid

someone whom you hire when you're short of help

to offer you the sort of help you never get from a spouse

fluttering up the stairway, shuttering up the windows, cluttering up the bedroom, buttering up the master, puttering all around the house

[ Applause ]

Everybody ought to have a maid

someone who will be busy as a bumblebee

and even if you grumble be as graceful as a grouse

pattering in the attic

clattering in the kitchen

puttering all around the house

[ Cheers and applause ]

Jack: Marvelous, marvelous.

Esther: Oh, thank you.

Ryan: I'm going to go get us something to drink, okay?

Victoria: Okay.

Victor: So... were's your escort, tyler? I haven't seen him all evening.

Victoria: Daddy, you can't do that to me. I already had plans.

Victor: Mm-hmm. Where's the dress that I bought you?

Victoria: I returned it. I already had this one.

Victor: Mm-hmm. So, I guess you're playing juliet, aren't you? Please, darling, tell me that this boy ryan is not romeo. You can't do that, can you? Of course you can't, because i already saw you with him. Why'd you do that?

Cricket: [ Laughs ] Oh, honey, I love your costume so much. It's so warm and furry. It makes me feel very safe.

Danny: [ Growls ]

Cricket: Oh, you animal! Ahh! These days, everyone expects you to like everything

Scott: So, paul, you're being very quiet tonight. How do you feel about the four of us spending time together?

Paul: Well, I don't know. I guess I'm just a little confused, scott. You know, for weeks, lauren tried to reach out to sheila and her mother and...nothing. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to become close friends. I-I don't understand.

Sheila: I-I'm trying.

Scott: Is there some reason you'd rather the four of us didn't get together?

Paul: No, I didn't say that.

Lauren: We're just a little amazed at the change in your wife's attitude.

Sheila: People do change, lauren. I-I really would like to try and be friends, or at least not enemies.

Lauren: Okay, uh, fine. Why don't you come to my suite, let's say, a week from tonight for dinner?

Scott: That sounds great. I'll call and confirm.

Lauren: Good.

Sheila: Hey, you know, we haven't danced much at all.

Scott: Excuse us.

Paul: Okay. We'll see you.

Sheila: Bye.

Lauren: Was it just me, or is there something weird about that? Paul, what is it?

Paul: Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about danny and cricket.

John: Here you are, ladies.

Ashley: Oh, thank you.

Carol: Mm. I've been watching traci and brad all evening. They sure look like they're having a good time.

John: Oh, yes, they do.

Carol: I don't mean to pry, but I-I just can't help wondering. Do you think there will be a remarriage soon?

John: I really don't know for sure, carol.

Ashley: But I know what we're both hoping.

Carol: Well, add me to the list.

John: Gladly.

Carol: Cheers.

Ashley: You got it. Cheers.

Victor: Where's your date?

Jack: Oh, god knows. Would you believe I did jill a favor coming here so that she wouldn't have to be alone at the ball?

Victor: Mm. Curious about nikki.

Jack: What about her?

Victor: Wondered if you'd heard from her since she talked to victoria.

Jack: No, and I hadn't really expected to.

Victor: Mm. Still have a lot of questions about that trip she took.

Ashley: Well, well, well, hello, you two. Fabulous party, isn't it?

Victor: You know, it's a wonderful party. I think this is a wonderful party.

Katherine: Well, we meet again, jill.

Jill: [ Sighs ] Had I known you were in here, i would have avoided it like the plague.

Katherine: Oh, well, i consider it a splendid opportunity to comment once again on your remarkable entrance.

Jill: Eat your heart out.

Katherine: [ Chuckles ] Oh, my god, you do have nerve. I'll give you that. I mean, showing up here with jack abbott, knowing your sordid history with that man and your determination to eat your way into his father's heart once again?

Jill: I have every confidence that after tonight, john will have had his fill of that little twit, leanna, and he will once again realize what he and i share.

Katherine: Well, you can dream, I suppose. I mean, that's free. Oh, by the way, did you know the two of them are performing together this evening, leanna love and john abbott? Watch them. They're great.

Jill: [ Sighs ]

Danny: Sweetheart, I know this is a bad time, but there's a friend of mine that wants to talk about setting a concert date. Can I go see him?

Cricket: Yeah, go ahead.

Danny: Alright. I won't be long.

Cricket: Okay.

Katherine: Now, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you a young woman of extraordinary talent, gina roma.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

Gina: Are we really happy here, with this lonely game we play?

Looking for words to say

searching but not finding understanding, anyway

we're lost in this masquerade

to understand the reasons that we carry on this way

we're lost in this masquerade

yes, we're lost in this masquerade

yes, we're lost in a masquerade

[ Cheers and applause ]

Nina: I hope danny got a chance to see his sister sing.

Cricket: Oh, I'm sure he's not too far away. He said he had to talk to a friend, and he'd be back in a minute.

Nina: Counselor, would you care to dance?

John: I thought you'd never ask.

[ Insects chirping ]

Danny: Ray? Ray, you out here? I got your message.

David: Over here, danny.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Danny: Oh! Oh, man, I love it! I love it. What a great gag!

David: I assure you, it's no gag.

[ Insects chirping ] You bastard. One down, two to go.

[ Laughs ]

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