Provided By Boo
Proofread By Tanya

Dinah: Mom, how can you be up for more shopping? We have already bought more gifts than we can even carry.

Vanessa: Oh, well. I'm helping you. I'm your mother and you need to buy for friends, colleagues, et cetera.

Dinah: I don't want an et cetera and you know that. I don't need an et cetera.

Vanessa: Darling, everybody needs an et cetera. It's just that some people are so silly they won't admit.

Dinah: Now, Mom, I have work. I have my life in complete control-- thank you, God-- and that's more than I can handle now. That's great.

Vanessa: Well, I think that is just because you haven't met your somebody special, and you know it could happen at any moment. I mean, you might just see him-- oh, my goodness-- I see the perfect gift. Look.

Dinah: What are you looking at? What kind of gift?

Vanessa: Over there.

Dinah: I don't-- what are you pointing at? Mom, I don't need another gift. A purse, what?

Mallet: Um, we've got to stop meeting like this.

Dinah: You set me up.

Vanessa: ( Laughing )

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Reva: Okay, that's good. Sis, you have that other batch of cookies yet?

Cassie: Oh, they're ready, all right-- ready for the garbage. I don't know what happened. I set the timer; I just didn't hear it go off.

Reva: It is okay. We have plenty of cookies, believe me. What, are you distracted?

Cassie: Yeah, I keep wondering if maybe Tammy will show up here today.

Reva: Hey, it's going to be okay. It is.

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Jeffrey: "Adjust wheel from bicycle, loosen the lock nut on the one side of the hub while holding the bearing cone on the same side while using the tool provided." Which tool? Wait a minute, how...

Josh: Hello.

Jeffrey: Hello, Josh. For a minute there, I thought you were...

Josh: Sorry.

Jeffrey: I thought you were R.J.

Josh: What's under the tarp?

Jeffrey: Well, it's uh... his Christmas.

Josh: Wow!

Jeffrey: That's if I can ever get it put together.

Josh: Nice.

Jeffrey: You know, these instructions would make a C.I.A. encription easy to figure out by comparison. What the heck? Please explain to me is a "peddle guard flange gasket assembly"?

Josh: Yeah, I usually just leave that out because I've never actually figured out what it is.

Jeffrey: Leave it out?

Josh: Yeah.

Jeffrey: I... see, I should have had you here before. Everything okay, Josh?

Josh: Yeah, yeah, just thinking about Cassie, that's all. It's going to be a tough Christmas for her, I think.

Jeffrey: Yeah. Well, you know, I'm doing everything I can to make things okay. Is there something you're not saying?

Josh: Nope.

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Cassie: I'm sorry, I don't mean to ruin your party.

Reva: You can't, you won't. Because today is about family, and that means you, your worries, and all. It also means Tammy and Jonathan.

Cassie: Don't even go there.

Reva: Look, I know you're upset, but even with Jonathan and all his tough talk, family's still very important to him.

Cassie: What are you saying, Reva?

Reva: I think Tammy is going to show up here today. Because if Jonathan loves her the way he says he does, he's not going to make her choose between us and him.

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Tammy: The last sign I saw was for East Graftonville. Where's that?

Jonathan: I'll just find West Graftonville on the map and then look to the right.

Tammy: Uh-huh.

Jonathan: It doesn't matter. I don't think we'd know where we're going if we did know where we are.

Tammy: Maybe it's fate.

Jonathan: Oh, what? Getting lost is our punishment for being together? Just because everyone else in the world thinks it is crazy and twisted and wrong?

Tammy: Crazy and twisted, maybe. Wrong, never!

Jonathan: ( Laughs ) I love it when you talk like that. I don't believe in fate. I think we all write our stories, for better or for worse.

Tammy: So we wrote our own story?

Jonathan: Yep.

Tammy: Tell me this: How's our story going to end?

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Dinah: Nice work. You set me up.

Mallet: Me, too, and you seem like such a nice lady.

Vanessa: I don't know what either of you is talking about.

Dinah: Unbelievable. Now you're both lying.

Mallet: Your mom called me here and asked for a hot chocolate, and I said yes in a conversation. Your name never even came up.

Vanessa: That's right. A cup of hot chocolate was just my way of expressing gratitude to Mr. Mallet for being kind enough to call me and let me know that you were totally lonely and miserable without me.

Dinah: Is that what he told you? That I was lonely and miserable? You know, because I'm not. I am not lonely and I am certainly not miserable. I am independent and extremely busy. And sometimes try to follow my trustworthy mother's example of being a success women in a business world.

Vanessa: Well, Dinah, I'm very touched that you take me as a role model, but...

Dinah: But I am reconsidering, you know, like right now.

Vanessa: Well, actually, you know being successful means that you know when to work and when not to work.

Dinah: So taking some time out to scam your daughter, that's good?

Vanessa: And actually, that lesson took me a very, very long time to learn in my life. So I just thought that, you know, well, that since holiday magic has thrown the two of you together, you really ought to...

Mallet: Holiday magic?

Dinah: Holiday magic?

Vanessa: Yes, it's so beautiful. You ought to take advantage of it, really.

Dinah: Mom... how much is she paying you?

Mallet: Not enough, nowhere near.

Vanessa: Ooh, I'm so...

Olivia: Sorry. Vanessa, my God, hi.

Vanessa: Hello, Olivia. I'm glad I bumped into you. I just wished I'd bumped into you a little harder.

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Jeffrey: You know, I've just got to get this thing put together and in the garage before R.J. sees it.

Josh: It's a really nice bike.

Jeffrey: Well he's a really nice kid.

Josh: Have you heard anything from Tammy at all?

Jeffrey: No. The only thing we know for sure is that she's with Jonathan, and that Cassie is dying a million deaths without her, and so am I.

Josh: Yeah, I know you are.

Jeffrey: What's up, Josh? I mean, you're not telling me something.

Josh: No, everything's fine, really.

Jeffrey: All right. Well, I better finish this or we'll be one Christmas morning surprise present short.

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Cassie: You know what I keep thinking about?

Reva: Hmm?

Cassie: All of the clues that I must have missed. All of the looks between Tammy and Jonathan that must have been there.

Reva: Well, it wouldn't have mattered anyway. It won't have changed the way Tammy feels.

Cassie: How do you know?

Reva: Well, I know that she feels things strongly. She is her Mama's girl.

Cassie: I don't know. There must have been something we could have said or done. Anything.

Reva: It only would have pushed them together faster.

Cassie: Do you really believe that Tammy might show up today?

Reva: Of course I do. But then again, I also believe that a fat man in a red suit flies across the sky in sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer. ( Cassie laughs ) so I believe anything is possible.

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Jeffrey: We have company.

Josh: Look who's here!

Hawk: Oh, there is my girl!

Reva: Pop! ( Laughter )

Rusty: We haven't arrived to early, have we?

Reva: Too early? You guys could never arrive too early. Isn't that right, Cassie?

Cassie: Of course. Hi. Merry Christmas.

Hawk: Likewise. So what are you asking Santa for this year, sweetheart?

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Jonathan: You sound like you're looking for a map of our future.

Tammy: Wouldn't that be a great thing to have? I mean, imagine you could see all of the nasty curves ahead of time? You could just take a different road.

Jonathan: Show me one road on this map that doesn't have a curve on it.

Tammy: I'm not talking about some perfect guide into the future; just a peek at it, you know? Skip all of the places you're not supposed to go, pass the people you can't trust, avoid the mistakes that really hurt.

Jonathan: ( Laughs ) No. No, that doesn't work for me. My favorite part of the trip is not knowing where you're going. That's why everything's a surprise.

Tammy: Well, not all surprises are fun.

Jonathan: No. But then some surprises make you feel like you're really alive for the first time.

Tammy: Yeah. Well, I've always kind of needed to know where I'm starting from and where I'm going. That way I can always find my way home.

Jonathan: You are home. And this is where we're both starting from, right here. Hey, we... we're just a little lost.

Officer: Are you now, Jonathan? And you must be Tammy.

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Olivia: I can tell from the steam coming from your ears, you've spoken to Bill.

Vanessa: Of course, I have.

Olivia: Listen, Vanessa, you've only heard one side of the story.

Vanessa: That's where you're wrong. I've heard two sides, Bill and Billy's.

Olivia: That's really the same side. The truth is...

Vanessa: The truth is that Bill made a mistake, but you made a mistake for Billy.

Olivia: I'm not going to get into this.

Vanessa: Oh, you knew perfectly well what you were doing. You made a man who had been sober for 13 years take a drink. And you didn't even care, did you?

Olivia: Look, I can't... what's done is done, all right? Including my marriage to Bill.

Vanessa: Well, at least Bill corrected his mistake before there were children.

Olivia: Excuse me? My daughter is involved. This isn't a time to gloat. This is a tragedy and if you don't believe me, you go explain to my little girl why the man she loves as her father isn't coming home any time soon. And, then, we'll talk about correction.

Vanessa: What you did was on --unconscionable, and I will never forget you. But I'm a mother, too and I do understand that it isn't easy to tell your daughter that the world isn't all pink ice cream and lemonade.

Olivia: That's not an apology.

Vanessa: No, no, it's not. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late. I'm going to Reva's Christmas party.

Olivia: Funny. I was on my way there myself.

Vanessa: She invited you?

Olivia: Actually, Josh is expecting me.

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Mallet: Hey, you know what, Dinah? This is not some huge conspiracy, okay? If you remember correctly, your mom set me up, too.

Dinah: You knew damn good and well that her hot chocolate offer came with more than just a marshmallow on top.

Mallet: I thought maybe, maybe, just maybe, you were part of the equation.

Dinah: Which means you wanted to see me?

Mallet: I think what I'm saying is your mom's timing was really good, that's all. That's what I'm saying. I was tired of sitting home alone and while everybody else was shopping and going to parties and doing the whole holiday thing, and I thought to myself: "You know what I need? I need to be around someone who feels worse than me," and you immediately popped into my head.

Dinah: Oh, well, goodie. Thank you very much. So are you telling me that we are so pathetic, that we need my mom to match us up?

Mallet: Yeah.

Dinah: Yeah.

Mallet: You seem like the champagne type, but do you still want a cup of hot chocolate?

Dinah: Yeah, but at least, at least five marshmallows on top, okay?

Mallet: Okay, we'll see what we can do about that.

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Hawk: Whoa! Will you look at the size of that cowboy now? Wow!

Rusty: R.J., You are a full head taller than when you visited me in Tulsa.

Reva: Hey. You guys sit down. Let me get you something to eat.

Cassie: Oh, you know, there are cookies. Or not, they're charred.

Reva: Things have been a little confusing around here.

Hawk: Yeah, it seems that way, with the two of you in the same room, but not on the same page.

Reva: Uh, pop...

Josh: Yeah, Reva and I are uh... we're just taking a step back.

Rusty: Oh, now, there's a safe way to put it.

Reva: Why don't I get you some weenies?

Hawk: Whoa, now don't duck me on this, sister. You and Joshua belong together. Why aren't you?

Reva: Rusty, wouldn't you like to-- I don't know-- change the subject?

Hawk: Aw.

Rusty: Okay, Cassie. Now you're going to introduce us to that new fellow of yours, won't you?

Cassie: Of course. There he is. Rusty, Hawk, this is Jeffrey O'Neill.

Hawk: Whoa. They weren't kidding about the Prince Richard thing. Spitting image.

Jeffrey: So I've been told.

Hawk: Well, we said this to him, and I'm going to say it to you: Be good to Cassie and her children or there will be hell to pay. Her mama Sarah would have it no other way.

Cassie: All right. Easy now. Easy.

Jeffrey: You have nothing to worry about, Hawk. Cassie and her family are the most important things in my life.

Rusty: Where is Tammy? I've got treats for her pony.

Cassie: Actually, she's outgrown her pony. She's outgrown a few things.

Hawk: Well, if you're sweating about that wedding that didn't come off, from what I gather about Sandy Foster, Tammy got out while the getting was good.

Reva: Well it's a little more complicated than that.

Hawk: Not for me. I knew there was something off with that boy the second I met him. You know, down home, we've got a word for bigamists. "Deceased."

Cassie: I think Tammy would like that.

Hawk: Well, so long as she is rid of that snake and doing okay. She is, isn't she?

Reva: Can we talk about something else?

Cassie: No, Reva, it's okay. They're family. They have a right to know.

Rusty: Know what?

Cassie: That Tammy's life has gone from bad to a hell of a lot worse.

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Jonathan: Officer, we just got a flat tire. We're going to fix it. We'll be on the road in a second.

Tammy: How did you know who we are?

Officer: I got a fax from the D.A.'s office in Springfield.

Tammy: Jeffrey?

Jonathan: Well, fax him back. Tell Mr. O'Neill I haven't kidnapped anybody in the last five minutes.

Tammy: What did he want?

Jonathan: That doesn't matter. We haven't done anything wrong.

Tammy: Officer, why did Jeffrey O'Neill send you out looking for us?

Officer: I was just told to give you this.

Jonathan: What is it? An invitation to Reva’s Christmas party?

Tammy: There's a note scribbled on it. It's Jeffrey's handwriting.

Jonathan: "Tammy, your mother needs you. Come be with the family today."

Tammy: "If what you and Jonathan have is real, what are you so afraid of?"

Jonathan: Do you believe this guy? Who's afraid a stupid Christmas party?

Tammy: I am.

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Coming up on "Guiding Light"...

Olivia: Maybe when you find love, you just have to hang on to it with everything you've got.

Tammy: We've got to go back to my mom's house.

Reva: People change, pop.

Hawk: Not so much. Not you and Josh.

Josh: We're never going to stop loving each other.

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Dinah: You know, this isn't a date.

Mallet: I'm sorry. You talking to me?

Dinah: I'm just thinking out loud.

Mallet: Uh-huh. Yeah, I do that sometimes. Sometimes I put words to my thoughts, and sometimes-- well, like for instance, right now, I'm thinking this is not a date.

Dinah: That's funny.

Mallet: I mean, we're just two separate people sitting on two separate benches, and that's a good thing.

Dinah: Yeah.

Mallet: Because when you're alone, you can hunch over, you can slurp your drink, you can leave when you want to. It's a beautiful thing.

Dinah: So if this were a date...

Mallet: I'm not interested.

Dinah: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying if it were a date, what kind of woman would you be looking for?

Mallet: In theory?

Dinah: Yes, in theory.

Mallet: In theory, well, she would have to be beautiful. But, I mean, not in an obvious way. You know, she would just have to have that thing about her. And she would have to be tough and smart, but not in a showoff way. And she would have to have a great sense of humor.

Dinah: Like laugh at your jokes, all of them?

Mallet: ( Laughing ) yeah, hysterically, yes. Oh, and there is one other critical attribute I forgot. She would have to have a mustache. ( Laughing )

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Cassie: And now Tammy is off somewhere with him.

Rusty: Him, Jonathan? Her cousin?

Reva: They really love each other.

Hawk: What kind of-- Lord--- that makes it even worse. When I get my hands on that little punk, I'd swing him over the highest pole.

Reva: That punk is my son! And a member of this family, if any of you want to believe it or not. Just like Tammy, just like the rest of us.

Hawk: Well that don't wash with me.

Cassie: Tell me about it.

Reva: I thought all you wanted was for Tammy to come home.

Rusty: You have to get her away from that boy.

Josh: Okay. All right. Everybody just stop. Jonathan is Reva's son. Obviously she knows him well, but I think I know him, too.

Rusty: We agreed the boy was trouble!

Josh: Just hear me out, please. Yeah, when he first came to town, he did everything to tear this family apart, but I believe Jonathan has changed. In fact, I've seen it myself.

Hawk: You're going sit here and tell me that it's okay with you?

Josh: No, Hawk, but we're not going to gain anything by pushing Tammy away.

Cassie: Jonathan will hurt Tammy.

Josh: Maybe so, Cassie, but there's nothing we can do about it right now.

Cassie: Well, I can't just sit back and let it happen.

Reva: Well, it is happening.

Josh: We have to love Tammy through this and trust that she's going to do the right thing. I mean, this is Christmas, right? The season of love and hope and miracles.

Cassie: It sure doesn't feel that way to me.

Jeffrey: Tammy loves you, and she loves this family. She's going to come home.

Cassie: Do you know something?

Jeffrey: I have a feeling.

Reva: Thank you for supporting Jonathan. I really appreciate it.

Josh: He's your son, and it's Christmas.

Hawk: Now, explain to me one more time this hoo-ha about the two of you bunking under separate roofs these days.

Josh: Actually, Reva got the place with the roof. I'm in more of a pup-tent kind of situation.

Reva: People change, pop.

Hawk: Not so much. Not you and Josh. I just saw you a few seconds ago. You were as close as two peas in a pod.

Josh: We're never going to stop loving each other, Hawk.

Hawk: Then whatever's in your way...

Josh: Come on. What?

Hawk: Just get it out of there. You're no dummies. ( Reva laughing ) work it out.

Josh: He always did have a way with words, didn't he?

Reva: And mistletoe. Mr. Subtlety strikes again.

Hawk: Hey.

Vanessa: Oh, Hawk, it's good to see you.

Hawk: Merry Christmas.

Vanessa: Reva, Josh, hi everybody. Oh, gosh, Happy Holidays. Hi.

Reva: Oh, look, the ghost of Christmas past.

Olivia: So, any room under there for me?

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Jonathan: Hey, don't be scared.

Tammy: I'm not. I don't know why I said that. I mean, this is Christmas, you know. I'm usually out sledding or wrapping presents or something.

Jonathan: I didn't have a family to give up, not really. But you did. And you made a big choice, a huge one, and you chose me. What makes you think you're not the crazy one?

Tammy: I wish I didn't have to hurt my mom the way I did.

Jonathan: I know.

Tammy: It would help if she remembered what it was like to be my age.

Jonathan: ( Laughing ) I think she probably does remember what it's like. That's why she is worried.

Tammy: She can't control me all of the time. I mean, she has to let me make my own mistakes.

Jonathan: ( Laughing ) gee, thanks.

Tammy: You know what I meant. So where are we going?

Jonathan: Well, on past Graftonville, find a place to spend the night, or we could go home to the party and it is your call.

Tammy: I don't know what to do. I wish we could just stay here and pretend like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

Jonathan: We could do that.

Tammy: Hmm?

Jonathan: We could just stay here.

Tammy: I was kind of kidding.

Jonathan: Tammy, I told you it doesn't matter where we started from or where we're going, as long as we're together. Right now, we're going to go head first on a steep hill on these babies.

Tammy: You are out of your mind.

Jonathan: That's the first time you're figuring that out? ( Laughing ) come on.

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Dinah: Okay, so, your perfect woman, what else does she have to have besides beauty, intelligence, a sense of humor and a mustache?

Mallet: You know what I think is kind of hot? I think it's kind of hot when a chick eats cookies in bed.

Dinah: Are you kidding?

Mallet: No. No, a babe up against a headboard, munching on a huge chocolate cookie. I think it's... I think it's sexy.

Dinah: How do you roll around with all of the crumbs afterwards? Isn't that kind of strange?

Mallet: If I'm rolling around, I think I'm focused on something else.

Dinah: You're a sick man.

Mallet: Well, come on. What about you now? Anything sexy, quirky I should know about?

Dinah: Well... yeah. There is something.

Mallet: Hmm. Good, hit me. What?

Dinah: You're going to think it sounds strange, but I... I don't know, I kind of like a guy who wears pajamas to bed.

Mallet: Pajamas?

Dinah: Yeah.

Mallet: With feet on them and a little flaps in the back, jammies?

Dinah: ( Laughs) no, I generally skew a little older than that. No, I mean a guy who wears those jammies that you see in the old movies-- you know, the rich and silky kind.

Mallet: Oh, like Cary Grant kind of territory?

Dinah: Yeah. I love that look. I love the way it feels. And plus, it gives you something to unwrap a little later.

Mallet: Like a Christmas present.

Dinah: Right. So if you're expecting some P.J.s from me at Christmas time, I won't be doing that because I am done shopping.

Mallet: Right. Well, if you're expecting like a fancy basket of designer cookies from Belgium, I don't think you're going to be getting that. Lots of luck.

Dinah: Okay, well, then I won't worry about it.

Mallet: All right. I guess I've wasted enough time here.

Dinah: You have big plans tonight?

Mallet: Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, I do.

Dinah: Better get to it then.

Mallet: Right.

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Reva: So how you doing?

Cassie: I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me.

Vanessa: Well...

Reva: Hey, Vanessa. I'm so glad you're here.

Vanessa: It's wonderful to see you.

Reva: You're family.

Vanessa: Thank you so much for asking me, really. I think I have an apology I owe you.

Cassie: What for?

Vanessa: Oh, my daughter.

Cassie: Well, things were pretty bad there for a while, but the truth is we were both victims of Edmund's.

Reva: Thank God he is locked up.

Cassie: And now I have Jeffrey in my life and R.J. And a lot of hope. Excuse me.

Vanessa: Yeah.

Billy: ( Gasps ) Vanessa... ( laughter ) look at you. Come here. Wow jeez. You look great as usual.

Vanessa: You don't look so bad yourself, considering everything.

Billy: Yeah, Bill told you, huh?

Vanessa: Yeah, he told me. I never really did like that phrase "fell off the wagon," especially when it's totally inappropriate and you got a big old shove.

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Olivia: This is awful for Cassie. And Tammy can't be here, and the hits keep on coming.

Josh: What do you mean hits? What are you talking about, Jeffrey?

Olivia: Jeffrey. His secret life in San Cristobel while she was there, no less.

Josh: Olivia, just stop, all right? Cassie threw away the picture of Richard and Jeffrey without even looking at it. Maybe it doesn't matter what a person has done in their past. Maybe you move on and look to the future. Isn't that what Christmas is about? Isn't that what life is about?

Olivia: I hope so. To the future.

Josh: To the future.

Billy: Can I steal this young man away for a second? Excuse me.

Josh: What?

Billy: Did you bring her here?

Josh: No, she came here on her own.

Billy: Well, I'll bet she's not planning on leaving that way.

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Cassie: Hey, did you already print out pictures? How cool?

Jeffrey: Hey, shutterbug, what's up?

R.J.: I miss Tammy.

Jeffrey: Of course you do. But not for long, because something tells me she's going to turn up real soon.

Cassie: It's like waiting for Santa. You think Christmas morning will never get here, but then it does, and you find exactly what you're hoping for under the tree. Really. Tammy's going to be like a gift to the whole family that Santa brings us.

R.J.: There is no Santa Claus, so Tammy will never be back!

Cassie: R.J., Why are you saying that?

R.J.: Because of him!

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Tammy: These are the worst sleds ever.

Jonathan: Yeah, but it's a hell of a hub cap.

Tammy: You couldn't even steer. Although, it didn't really matter, since you chickened out before we got to the creek. Whimp!

Jonathan: Whimp?

Tammy: Whimp! I thought you weren't afraid of the water anymore.

Jonathan: First of all, the water was ice! It was ice! Hurts. Second of all, when I jumped in the lake, I told you I would do it because I loved you. I never said I wasn't scared of it. What was that for?

Tammy: Saying the right thing at the right time.

Jonathan: When have I ever done that?

Tammy: You were afraid of the water, Jonathan. You jumped in there anyway because you had something to prove to yourself and to me.

Jonathan: What does that have to do with me saying the right thing at the right time?

Tammy: I'm in the same exact same place you were that night, scared. I've been scared since we left my mom's house. I've got to take the plunge, too, Jonathan, just like you did. We've got to go back to my mom's house for the same reason you went in the water, you know, to prove to myself and to you, to the world, that I can.

Jonathan: Okay. Next stop, Springfield. You just, um.... you just remember something.

Tammy: What?

Jonathan: When I went in that lake, I knew you'd be right there to fish me out. So if you go to that party, I'll be there for you.

Tammy: Come on, let's go home.

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Vanessa: Being successful means that you know when to work and when not to work.

Dinah: I don't know, I kind of like a guy who wears pajamas to bed. It gives you something to unwrap a little later.

Mallet: You know what I think is kind of hot? I think it's kind of hot when a chick eats cookies in bed.

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Cassie: Honey, did Jeffrey do something that upset you?

R.J.: So don't tell me there is a Santa Claus!

Reva: Of course there's a Santa Claus because I leave him cookies every year, and he always leaves me a present.

Billy: Because she's such a good girl.

Reva: Even when I'm bad.

Jeffrey: I told him he was going to get a bike for Christmas. He saw me putting it together.

Cassie: Got it. R.J., You know, a picture doesn't always tell the whole story. Now, maybe... bear with me, here. Maybe Santa left a note for Jeffrey saying, "I'm swamped this year; I need to drop off some gifts unassembled, so if you would put this bike together and leave it early for R.J. For Christmas that would be great."

Jeffrey: Not buying it huh, R.J.? R.J., Did I tell you about Flubble versus Flubble? It's a very famous case. Obscure, but very famous.

Cassie: I think I've heard of it.

Jeffrey: See, there you go. It's actually a true story about a boy about your age who sued his very own parents for something called "false representation," which is a fancy of way of saying for lying, see? He claimed that his parents told him that Santa Claus brought his presents every year, and he didn't believe that. Not only that, but he felt "wantonly and willfully misled" about said Mr. Claus, and so he found the toughest lawyer he could find and he hauled his parents into court for something called restitution, which is...

Rusty: Which means big bucks.

Jeffrey: Exactly. ( Laughter ) well, you see, the trial started and things weren't looking good for the Flubbles. You see, they couldn't produce one shred of evidence that Santa Claus existed because Santa Claus is magical, and it's very hard to prove the existence of something that's magical. So when all seemed lost for the Flubbles, the lawyer stunned the courtroom by calling up the last person they could ever expect to be put on the stand: The boy himself.

Reva: Oh, my gosh! What happened?

Jeffrey: Well, the lawyer started asking him questions about past Christmases. Did he remember the past Christmases? Did he look forward to them? Did he always get the toys and presents he wanted? Were stockings hung and were Christmas carols sung and were there Christmas cookies? Well, the boy was under oath and he couldn't lie, and so he had to say yes, he remembered that. And the more he remembered, the more that he smiled. And that's when he realized what the magic of Christmas was. The magic of Christmas is that Christmas makes everyone smile. So he ran over to his parents and gave them a big hug. And the lawyers were also ecstatic, and everyone in the courtroom was ecstatic because the jury was in and the verdict was...

All: Not guilty!

Reva: There's a Santa! ( Laughter ) oh, I've never met a Flubble I didn't like.

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Olivia: Maybe the past doesn't matter. Maybe when you find love, you just have to hang on to it with everything you've got.

Hawk: You say the word, and she is road kill.

Reva: Come on, pop, it's Christmas.

Hawk: Not yet it ain't.

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Jonathan: This thing can double as a noose if things get ugly in there.

Tammy: It doesn't sound ugly.

Jonathan: Yeah, well, that's because we haven't walked in yet.

Tammy: You just remember. Whatever happens, we're in it together.

Jonathan: This and everything else. You ready?

Tammy: Ready.

He'll stroke his beard his eyes will glow

and ask your name...

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Next on "Guiding Light"...

Harley: You look like you just saw the ghost of Christmas past.

Alan: Guess what I'm going to get your mommy for Christmas?

Zach: What?

Alan: Something she really deserves.

Tammy: Merry Christmas, everybody!

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