Guiding Light Transcript Tuesday 9/23/03

Provided by Suzanne

reva: Ho-ho-ho. Yes, shayne, there is a santa claus. Look, you've got to see this. All of these, from the animal kingdom. A bear of the polar variety. And domestic pets. Dogs-- woof! And cats. Look at this kitty. You know what else? Cards and letters from family, friends, people you don't even know. A whole class of kids from, i don't know what school, sent you letters. This one, in particular, is... Was my favorite. I brought it because i wanted you to see it. I want to read it for you, okay? Listen to this. Okay. "Dear shayne, you don't know me, but I'm a bearcat fan. (Blows raspberry) I was at the game when you pitched a no-hitter against us. Boy, was i mad. I stayed mad for a whole year, but I just heard about your accident, and I wanted you to know that from now on, i'm going to root for you. I have ms, and i have to walk on crutches, and it's hard sometimes, but so is throwing a curve ball, right? So if you could learn to do that, you can learn to walk again. I'm cheering for you. Your new fan, emily watson, fourth grade." There's so many people, so many people out there rooting for you to get strong again. Me, your sister, your dad. Honey, your dad's hurting so much right now. He's in so much pain and you... You... You've got to find a way to forgive him. He needs you to forgive him. He needs you to forgive him now more than ever.

Cassie: Okay, bye. Hey. Are you okay? Is everything all right with you?

Olivia: I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I came to check on you. When was the last time you slept?

Cassie: I don't know. I think it's been a while, but...

Olivia: Well, you know, why don't we do this? Why don't we go back to the hotel and we'll order room service, you take a hot bath and then just get some rest?

Cassie: I can't do that. I can't leave.

Olivia: What good are you going to be to reva if you're passed out?

Cassie: Well, edmund's bringing me food.

Olivia: You know, you really... You're stubborn, like she is. Over here and just at least sit down for a minute and take a load off.

Cassie: Okay. Okay. I'm not, you know, i'm not going to sleep, so...

Olivia: Well, if you're not going to let me bully you into leaving, then I'm going to have to stay here with you.

Cassie: Why?

Olivia: No reason. Do i need a reason? Just this is what friends do. Not... I mean, not that we're exactly friends, but lately we've been more than business associates and so I thought... Talking too much, right?

Cassie: A little, yeah.

Buzz: A small chef's salad? That's all you're getting her?

Edmund: That's what she wanted.

Buzz: Well, that's not nutritious. I can whip her up some, you know, chicken soup, maybe baked potato. You know, comfort food.

Edmund: Well, we can try, buzz, but I don't think she'll eat it.

Buzz: How are they holding up?

Edmund: By a thread. How's marina?

Buzz: You know better than i do. She never leaves shayne's side.

Edmund: Hm. Same with cassie and reva. You know, you hear about people coming together in situations like this, but you don't believe it until you see it. The pull of family.

Buzz: Wow, winslow. Hope for you, yet. I'll fix up something special for cassie.

Jeffrey: Oh, I can take it to her. I'm on my way to the hospital now.

Danny: Yeah, mel's going to drop robbie off in about an hour. Yeah, of course, we miss you. We're counting the days. Oh, hey, speaking of which, i figured I'd get a little jump start on that little santos family tradition you've been talking about so much. You know. What do you mean, which one? You know which one. The family dinner. Yeah. Really. (Clears throat) I know. It'll give us a chance to practice while you're away. Huh? Well, I'll just sit across the table from you and imagine you sitting there across from me. Like right now. I can see you sitting on the bed with the phone tucked under your neck so you can have both your hands free to be cleaning something. (Laughs) oh, you're not? Oh, really? Well, I can think of something for those free hands to do right now. Mm-hmm. What am I doing? Kissing you on the back of your neck. Your ear. Lie down on the bed.

Nico: (Laughs) isn't it illegal to talk dirty on the phone?

This portion of "guiding

light" is presented by bounce,

the start of something fresh.

danny: Michelle, honey, hold on a second. Hey, do you mind? This is a private conversation.

Nico: (Laughs) I hope that's your wife.

Danny: Honey? Hey, michelle baby, listen, i have to go. I'll tell you what, I'll call you back when robbie's here, okay? All right. I love you, too. Bye.

Nico: What? You didn't give "michelle baby" my love.

Danny: Hey! Listen, I don't like people sneaking up on me. You got it?

Nico: Whoa. Confusing signals, buddy.

Danny: What's confusing?

Nico: Well, first you tell me to keep the noise down, and now you're complaining because i'm too quiet?

Danny: You could never be too quiet.

Nico: What's a guy to do?

Danny: Yeah, you know what you can go do.

Nico: So, is marina cooper going to show for work?

Danny: No, she isn'T. I gave her some time off so she could be with shayne, her boyfriend.

Nico: So what's up with the kid, robbie?

Danny: Why don't you not worry about it, okay? Between michelle's family and mine, we're managing just fine.

Nico: Oh, is that what you're doing with me?

Danny: (Laughs)

nico: Managing?

Danny: No, nico, with you i am doing much, much more.

Nico: (Laughs) you're going to try to understand me.

Danny: They put a man on the moon, didn't they?

Nico: Look, i'm not interested in being understood, so whatever's on your mind, just...

Danny: Actually, I do have something in mind for you.

Nico: No way, man. I'm not going off to any head- shrinkers.

Danny: No, no, no, no, something a little more drastic than that, something that people just don't take the time to do anymore, something that involves listening as well as talking.

Nico: Group therapy?

Danny: No, no, something a little more drastic than that. Tonight, we're all going to sit around and have a nice, big family dinner.

Marah: Hello? Is anyone home?

Sandy: Oh, hi. I didn't know anyone was here. Sorry.

Marah: Uh, yeah. That makes two of us. What are you doing here?

Sandy: Your dad sent me over to pick up some files from the house. I figured this was a good time with your mom at the hospital. You know, no reason to upset her.

Marah: Why would my mom be upset if you picked up some files for my dad? I mean, you work for him, right?

Sandy: Yeah. Well, I mean, under the circumstances... You haven't talked to anyone.

Marah: No. I was tired last night, I went home and crashed. I just woke up. Why? What is it? Is it shayne?

Sandy: No, no. It's nothing with shayne. His condition's the same as far as i know.

Marah: Okay, so what is it? Why are you acting so weird?

Sandy: Um... Man, i shouldn't be the one telling you this.

Marah: What, what? You're freaking me out.

Sandy: Your dad. He, uh... He moved out of the house.

Jenny: So sad. I saw him pitch at the all-star game. He was the best.

Tony: Yeah.

Jenny: You see someone, you think they have everything going for them. Then in a flash, it all changes. So, is there anything else i can get for you, on or off the menu?

Tony: Uh, no. I'm fine. Thanks, jenny.

Jenny: Okay. If you change your mind, you know where i am.

Edmund: I wouldn't dream of inconveniencing you, mr. O'neill. I'll bring cassie her food. Inconvenience. Like i said, i'm on my way to the hospital anyway.

Buzz: You two work it out. Just no hits below the belt and no, you know, ear-biting.

Jeffrey: Could I get a coffee, please, to go?

Edmund: Look, o'neill, I'm not interested in doing the sparring anymore. There are too many serious things going on around us.

Jeffrey: You know what? For once, I agree with you.

Edmund: Good.

Jeffrey: And besides, you know, I'm forever in your debt.

Edmund: How so?

Jeffrey: Well, for relinquishing your former wife to me.

Edmund: Ah, beth. I didn't relinquish her, mr. O'neill. She relinquished me. And if she has any of her wits about her, she'll do the same thing with you.

Reva: Your father made a terrible mistake. He didn't trust your choices; he thought his were better. But he didn't do it out of spite or out of anger; he did it out of his love for you. And he was wrong and what he did was wrong, and now he'S... He's paying a terrible price that no parent should have to pay because now he knows that he's hurt his own child. And that's unimaginable. But it's very real for him. I don't know why this happened to you, but I do know that whatever hand dealt you this accident, sweetie, it also brought you marina, that sweet, amazing, beautiful young girl who's been by your side day and night. Honey... Shayne, look at me. You have to give yourself something. You have to let go of the anger that you feel towards your father. Believe me, I know from bitter experience that it's the hardest thing you're ever going to have to do, but you have to do it or you'll never begin to heal. It'll eat at you and it'll sap all your strength, all the strength that you're going to need to recover, that strength that'll lift you up out of this bed, that'll put you back on those strong legs of yours. It'll be there to hear you say thank you to all those people who are sending you prayers. And it'll be there long after you're back to being yourself again. I love you. My sweet, beautiful baby boy. I love you so much.

Nico: Man, get out of here with your family dinner.

Danny: Nico, there needs to be a time in the day when a family sits down at the table and eats, talks, shares about the kind of day they had.

Nico: I had a lousy day. There, i shared. Look, I'm outta here.

Danny: Boy, it's funny that a big, tough guy like you would be scared of something as harmless as a family dinner.

Nico: Look, it doesn't scare me.

Danny: Mm-hmm. Really?

Nico: It makes me puke. All that fake stuff. I mean, who the hell does that, anyways? Look, santos, I was lucky if i ever saw my old man. He worked two jobs and when he finally got home, it was too late for him to eat, so my mom would bring home leftovers from the deli where she worked. And after they both died, you know what I did? I ate out of the garbage pails. That was dinner, pal. Huh. Maybe the santos passed around mama's recipe for bolognaise around the dinner table, but you know what? People i know eat so they won't die. They don't make some stupid home movie out of it.

Danny: Hey. You don't know anything about me, you little smart-ass punk. You want to know what life was like at my family's dinner table? You want to know? It was really quiet. No one talked. No one talked at all because the house was bugged. You didn't trust the person sitting next to you because you didn't know if they'd rat you out to another family or the feds. That's what it was like. I never had a taste of what a real family was like until i met my wife, and now that I've experienced it, I want it-- all the time. And I'm going to get it, because what i want, you're going to do.

Nico: Whatever happened to a free country?

Danny: I don't know. It must have gone down with the "titanic."

Josh: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt.

Danny: Josh, hey. No, no, no, you're not interrupting anything. Just a little... What's up? This is mr. Lewis. This is nico. He's...

Nico: An inmate.

Danny: He's helping out around the house while michelle's out of town.

Nico: You're shayne lewis' dad, right?

Josh: Yes, I am.

Nico: How's he doing?

Danny: Nico. Josh, sorry. He does this...

Josh: It's all right. It's not a problem. He's doing okay. Thank you for asking, nico.

Danny: Nico, go tell the cook that dinner's at 6:00. Okay, will you please?

Nico: Yes, sir, mr. Santos, sir. Anything you say.

Danny: Sorry about that. He's a little... He'S... He's in training.

Josh: It's okay. It's all right, don't worry about it.

Danny: What's up?

Josh: I'm sorry to have to say this, but I'm afraid i'm going to have to terminate our business agreement.

Sandy: You know, maybe he moved out so he'd be closer to the hospital. The boarding house is just across the street.

Marah: Yes, nice try, but my dad didn't move out of the house to be closer to shayne. You know, I have to talk to him.

Sandy: Wait, maybe...

Marah: No, you don't understand. My mom and dad love each other so much.

Sandy: Like you and tony?

Marah: I don't want to talk about tony.

Sandy: Well, maybe they don't want to talk about what they're going through.

Marah: I have to find my dad. Is he at the office?

Sandy: No, actually, he's on his way to the hospital, and then he's going to danny santos' house.

Marah: Okay, thank you. And I'm sorry to snap at you. It's just you have a way of talking about the wrong things at the wrong time.

Sandy: And you have a way of blocking what you don't want to hear all the time.

Marah: You sound like the mole. Do you think the mole could do me a favor?

Sandy: Depends. You know the mole.

Marah: Yeah. Well, shayne loves his show, and he has a radio just in his room so he can listen to it.

Sandy: I'm glad it cheers him up.

Marah: Yeah. Listen, I know the mole likes to take shots at people, but-- i mean, and that's what shayne loves about it, you know, the show, it's irreverent and everyone's fair game, but do you think the mole could go easy on my brother? You know, no car crash jokes, no father-son fender-benders?

Sandy: I'll mention it to him, but nobody muzzles the mole. That's what we were up on that billboard fighting for. Or were you just up there to forget about tony?

Marah: Will you let tony go? You're so annoying.

Sandy: I'm not the one who won't let go of tony. Have you given up on him?

Marah: No. But it doesn't really matter, because it takes two to patch things back up.

Jeffrey: Thank you. Thank you so much. Now, what possible concern would it be of yours, my dating beth? I mean, you don't pay alimony, do you?

Edmund: As inconceivable as this may be for you, mr. O'neill, given your depth of character, i still care a great deal about beth, and i don't want to see her get involved in an unpleasant relationship where she'll just be hurt.

Jeffrey: Oh. Well, you know what? I think you'll find if you ask beth, that she considers our relationship anything but unpleasant. And you know what I find unpleasant is talking about beth behind her back.

Edmund: Do you have business at the hospital in an official capacity, mr. O'neill?

Jeffrey: I cannot discuss the court's business with people it doesn't concern.

Edmund: Well, if it involves shayne's accident and josh lewis' involvement in it, it concerns people I care about very much.

Jeffrey: Well, you've got a lot of concerns, don't you, winslow?

Edmund: Unlike you, yes, i do. And mine are personal, mr. O'neill, very personal.

Cassie: Okay, so since we're doing this friendship thing, how are you? What happened to all the panic that you were in and that you had? What's going on?

Olivia: Nothing. I'm just as concerned about lizzie. I just think they have the situation under control.

Cassie: Okay, well, it wasn't just lizzie. You were also afraid of phillip, right?

Olivia: Because of lizzie.

Cassie: Because of phillip.

Olivia: Maybe. Wouldn't you be? I mean, one minute you're the most important person in his world, and then the next, he's throwing you out of the house.

Cassie: Sounds like phillip.

Olivia: Yeah, well. I mean, one minute he's just so annoying and overbearing and controlling, and the next he's so tender and giving and loving.

Cassie: Want a paradox? How about me and edmund?

Olivia: We really know how to pick 'em, don't we?

Cassie: Well, i guess if they were easy, it wouldn't be any fun, right?

Olivia: I have a great edmund story. Want to hear it?

Cassie: Okay.

Olivia: It's funny. I was coming down the stairs the other day, and he was poring over a "baby" magazine. And he hid it as soon as he saw me, but I know he was getting ideas for my baby shower.

Cassie: Oh, right. For the baby shower.

Olivia: It was so funny.

Cassie: Yeah, edmund, he's funny. He can be really funny.

Olivia: You can't get anyone to come to my shower, can you?

Cassie: No. Yes, i mean, i can. I can totally...

Olivia: Oh, they want to come, they just all have emergency root canals that day.

Cassie: No, no. The shower is going to be great.

Olivia: Listen...

Cassie: It's going to be fantastic.

Olivia: I know how people feel about me in this town and maybe for good reason. I don't want you bending yourself out of shape just to make this happen. Just the fact that you want to do this for me is a gift, and it means everything to me.

Cassie: Let me tell you something. I am going to have this shower for you, and it is going to rock.

Olivia: Even if you have to blackmail everybody in town to show up?

Cassie: (Laughs)

olivia: I don't even know why i'm talking about this. I feel so bad knowing that shayne's life, his future is so...

Reva: So what? So bleak? So dismal? You know something, olivia? You've always seen the glass half empty, and maybe that's why you've always ended up with the empty half.

Olivia: No. Look, I didn't...

Reva: Let me tell you something about shayne's life, his future. It's as bright. It's going to be as... (Sobs) bright...

Cassie: Reva, olivia, she didn't mean...

Olivia: No, you know what? It's okay, it's okay. Listen, I never... I never thought for a minute that shayne wouldn't pull through this, because in the short time I had with him, I discovered what an amazing young man he is. I really loved him, and I am so sorry that this happened to him. I'll talk to you later.

Reva: I'm a jerk, aren't I?

Cassie: Maybe just a little.

Reva: I mean, i went after her for no reason, just out of my own anger and bitterness because there's people walking around and talking.

Cassie: I know.

Reva: She loved shayne and he has a soft spot in his heart for her, too.

Cassie: She understands.

Reva: Does she? Really? Yeah, well, I wish i did. Oh, ed said that he was bringing in a specialist, a neurologist, supposedly one of the top ones in the country. You know, and shayne's an athlete, and he's in peak condition, and i figure with the two of us working, i mean, he'll get results.

Cassie: The two of you? You mean you and josh? You can say his name, reva.

Reva: Actually, i meant shayne and me.

Cassie: No, you didn'T. I know what you meant. I know you're angry with him. I know you can barely look at him, but it was an accident.

Reva: It shouldn't have happened.

Cassie: You're right. And I can hold a grudge as good as the next person, I can. And I did for a long time. And I know that the longer you hold it, it is not going to make things better. It's going to make them worse, for you and for josh.

Reva: I mean, i said the same thing to shayne. I know it. I just can't do it.

Cassie: You have to. If i can not only forgive edmund but you, reva, then you can find a way to forgive josh.

Josh: I really am sorry, danny. It's just that i need to spend every waking moment I have right now with shayne, you know? It's what I want to do, and right now billy's working on a project out of town, and that puts bill as point man for lewis construction. I know that the two of you are...

Danny: Oh, no. Josh, no, that's not a problem. Really, bill and i have been working really well together. Listen, the important thing right now is your son, so let me worry about fifth street and you just take care of shayne.

Josh: Yeah, well, he wouldn't be in the hospital right now if it weren't for me taking care of things for him.

Danny: Josh, josh, beating up on yourself is not going to help shayne or reva or marah or you. Let people help you right now, take things off your hands for a while, okay? Bill and i will take care of fifth street. You just concentrate on getting shayne out of that bed.

Josh: Thank you. Appreciate that.

Danny: Of course. Any time.

Josh: Look, it's not like i'm going to drop off the...

Marah: Dad, please don't do this. Mom needs you. We all need you.

Josh: Marah, I'm right here. I'm not going anyplace.

Marah: You're moving out of the house.

Danny: Why don't you two come on in and sit down? I've got some things to take care of, so I'll leave you alone.

Marah: How can you do this right now?

Josh: Come here. Listen, listen. This was a decision that your mother and i made together. We both feel that it's best for me to be close to the hospital right now, and the boarding house is right across the street, so...

Marah: Stop, dad. That's not true. Mom is angry and you feel guilty. Neither of you knows what you want right now. You can't do this. Shayne needs both of you.

Josh: He has both of us. And so do you, marah. That's not going to change. Nothing is going to change that, but right now, your mom and i are both hurting, and if we stay together, we're going to hurt each other.

Marah: This wasn't your decision, was it? It was mom.

Josh: No.

Marah: Yeah. It was another one of her terrible mistakes.

Josh: No, it was a mutual decision, marah. Your mom, yes, she's in a lot of pain right now. She's got a lot of anger going on, and a lot of that anger is directed toward me and maybe it should be, you know? I mean, maybe that's where it belongs.

Marah: Dad, stop saying that. You didn't mean to hurt shayne.

Josh: I-i-i know that. But the fact is, there isn't a moment that goes by that i don't wish i could trade places with him and be the one in that hospital bed. That's not going to happen. But what i need right now, what i want to do right now is everything i can to give him back what I... (Sighs)... To give him back what was taken from him. Marah, the love that your mother and I have for each other, it hasn't changed. It just needs a little distance right now. Understand?

Marah: I can't stand the thought of you being in the boarding house alone right now. Can... Will you move into the museum with me? I can take care of you while you take care of shayne.

Josh: I appreciate the offer, but I really do want to be close to the hospital. Please don't worry about me, and please, I'm begging you, don't give your mom a hard time about this. She doesn't need that right now. Listen to me-- if there's anything good that can come out of this, if there's anything we can learn, it's this: We cannot waste a moment of the time that we have. So, if you have anything out there that will give you happiness, you go for it, darling, and don't let anybody or anything stand in your way.

Tony: You're sandy, right? The guy on that show?

Sandy: Right, sandy foster.

Tony: Tony santos.

Sandy: I know. Because marah and I are friends.

Tony: Yeah. And how's her brother? How's he doing?

Sandy: He's... I think he's about the same.

Tony: How's marah holding up?

Sandy: She's worried about her brother and her family. It's a tough time for her, you know?

Tony: Yeah. I wish there was something i could do.

Sandy: There is. She's on her way to your cousin's house, and if you really want to help, you could stop avoiding her and start being her friend again.

Buzz: Here you go. Give my love to the lewises and to marah and tell them i'll stop by and see shayne later on tonight, okay?

Sandy: Will do, sir. Thank you.

Buzz: You're welcome.

Sandy: You know, she hasn't given up on you, tony. It's not too late, man.

Tony: Listen, marah and i are over. I told her. It's finished.

Sandy: You may have told her, but she didn't hear it.

Jenny: Your change?

Tony: Thank you.

Jenny: You sure there isn't anything else I can do for you?

Jeffrey: You know, I have no intention of hassling josh lewis. I know it was an accident-- just a simple accident-- so why don't you stop being so suspicious, okay?

Edmund: Frankly, o'neill, i wouldn't be surprised if you tried to talk reva into pressing charges against her own husband.

Jeffrey: Hm. No, that's more your style, isn't it? As a matter of fact, that's exactly what you did. You tried to convince cassie to press murder charges against her own sister. Hm. Why don't you stop judging other people by your own sleazy standards, eh, winslow? Now, i've got my good deed to do today. Hold that for me, will you? See ya.

Cassie: I could have never accepted edmund until I cared more about living and loving than i did about pain and retribution. Look, if i didn't let go of that pain, I would have lost my sister as well as my husband.

Reva: I've been saying those same words over and over again. I... I want to forgive josh, but i can't do it, not right now, because I'd just be going through the motions. I'd just be pretending when i didn't really feel it.

Cassie: Yeah, well, sometimes you have to just go through the motions and the feelings follow.

jeffrey: How did you...?

Edmund: Now, you know i never discuss my secrets with people they don't concern. Go ahead and deliver your food to cassie. I'm just going to tag along and make sure you behave yourself.

Jeffrey: Ah, hello.

Cassie: Okay, what's going on?

Jeffrey: Well, this is for you, i guess, from him. You really need to keep up your strength.

Cassie: Thank you.

Jeffrey: You're welcome. I'm just the messenger. There is, you know, one other thing I just want to tell you, cassie. If there's anything that i can do, you know, for you or your family, I know some people in new york, specialists in the field, and i could easily make a phone call.

Cassie: Thank you. They've already called in a specialist, but I guess if we need a second opinion, i may be in touch with you.

Jeffrey: Oh, okay, great. And I don't want to disturb your sister reva, but would you tell her that i'm thinking about her, and that like all remarkable people, I know that she and her son are going to pull through this.

Cassie: I will. Thank you.

Jeffrey: Okay.

Cassie: Whoa. That was nice.

Olivia: I guess it never changes.

Reva: Never. Once they're born, they're yours for life.

Olivia: You know, sometimes i look at other mothers, and i think, "am i going to be able to do that? How am i going to learn all the things that I have to learn?"

Reva: They teach you. The trick is to listen. You know, and you're never going to think you're doing it right. You just won't. And there'll be plenty of people around to tell how you to do it. But you'll just now. It's not a choice. All you have to do is love them. Um, I got the invitation to your baby shower, and i just wanted you to know that... That i'll be there.

Danny: You guys want to join us for dinner? We're starting a new tradition at casa santos.

Josh: No, thank you. I think I need to get to the hospital. How about you?

Marah: I don't know, dad.

Danny: No, she's staying. You're staying.

Josh: Okay, all right. I'll see you. I'll see you there. Thank you again.

Danny: Josh, anytime. If you need anything, call me.

Josh: Nice meeting you.

Danny: Oh, I'm sorry. You guys don't know each other. Marah lewis, nico castano.

Marah: Hi.

Nico: Hey, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Danny: So, you want a glass of wine? You can ask me all about tony before we sit down and eat.

Marah: Danny...

Danny: Come on, marah. I know you're not staying for oscar's arroz con pollo.

Marah: I'm worried about tony. His behavior is so erratic. I mean, one minute he's getting into a fight, and then the next, when i find out about shayne's accident, he's amazing. You know, I don't know what i would have done without him.

Danny: He's... He's upset. He's hurting, and you know how he gets. He withdraws, and it's very hard to crack through.

Marah: Yeah, I know.

Danny: But, marah, I know he loves you. Don't give up on him. He wants you to be with him. (Laughter) see? Oh, hey. Just in time for dinner.

Jenny: Hey, babe. You didn't tell me it was a party. Introduce me to your family.

Danny: Next, on "guiding

light."

Gus: Well, she's missing. She works for an executive at spaulding named brad green. You know that guy?

Blake: Brad.

Brad: Excuse me?

Blake: Brad green?

Brad: Yes.

Blake: Peggy neidermeyer.

Marah: I deserve so much better than you.

this has been "guiding light."