General Hospital Transcript Monday 5/13/13

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[Cheers and applause]

Mario: Welcome back to "The Chew." Is everybody ready for our first-ever clash of the condiments relish taste-off?

Michael S.: Now, Mario, I know a lot of people are thinking at home, "relish? That's just for hot dogs."

Daphne: And if that's what you're thinking, you could not be more wrong.

Carla: Well, I tell you, growing up in Tennessee, if you could pickle it, you can make a relish from it. And there wasn't much you couldn't pickle.

[Laughter and applause]

AJ: What's going on?

Elizabeth: Nikolas has good news.

AJ: Really? What might that be?

Nikolas: Well, I just wanted to let you and Elizabeth know that the spotlight's all yours. Tracy won't be showing up today.

Daphne: Relish isn't just any condiment.

Mario: Hold on a moment.

Carla: Looks like we have breaking news.

Mario: We do. I'm just getting word from our executive producer Gordon Elliott that our war of the relishes will be one-sided.

Daphne: I wonder why.

Mario: Apparently, Tracy Quartermaine has chickened out.

[Audience groans]

Patrick: Dig in.

Emma: Daddy, are you okay?

Patrick: Yes. I'm having breakfast with my best girl. Now, what could be better than that?

Emma: But I never get chocolate-chip pancakes on a weekday.

Patrick: Well, today's a treat.

Emma: But why am I getting a treat? What's wrong, daddy?

Felix: Good morning, Dr. Westbourne.

Sabrina: How you feeling today? Is that morning sickness any better?

Felix: I pity that child.

Brad: Hey, fee.

Felix: Yes, Brad.

Brad: I've got your patient's test results. Unh-unh. What do I get for them?

Felix: A backhand to the face?

Brad: Oh. Promise?

Britt: Brad. Any day now?

Brad: Next time.

Felix: Excuse me while I boil myself in hand sanitizer.

Sabrina: He's not that bad.

Felix: You're only saying that because you're not the one he winked at.

Sabrina: Look, he's just an insecure guy trying to make a stab at a human connection.

Felix: Or he's a slime-ball lackey of the Britch mistress. I'm telling you, they're up to something, and you know it has something to do with you and Patrick.

Patrick: I have to talk to you about something.

Emma: Is it bad?

Patrick: No. No, it's not bad. Actually, I think it's good, but... remember when I told you that Britt wasn't gonna have the baby?

Emma: "Sometimes that happens."

Patrick: Right. "Sometimes that happens" -- that's what I said, but... it turns out this time that everything worked out, and Britt is gonna have the baby, which means you're gonna have a new brother or a little sister. Isn't that great?

Emma: Witch, please!

Olivia: Hey, cuz.

Connie: God, Liv, where have you been? I haven't heard from you or anybody.

Olivia: Well, we've all been a little bit busy.

Connie: Did Sonny find Morgan?

Sonny: So, you found out that Michael was talking to Morgan? Is that it?

Carly: Yes, I'll let Sam fill you in on all the details, but the point is, she got Morgan to admit that he was talking to his brother.

Sonny: Where's Michael now?

Carly: He was supposed to be here watching Josslyn, but when we arrived, Mercedes had taken over, and Michael was gone.

Shawn: And he's not picking up now?

Carly: No. So for all we know, Michael could be with Morgan.

Michael: Morgan? Morgan? Morgan!

Tracy: Chickened out? Tracy Quartermaine has not -- has never -- chickened out, and I am not about to start now! I'm gonna get to that studio if it's the last thing I do, and nothing can stop me! Ooh! Ow!

Guess again.

Mario: Just because his competition has dropped out of the relish race, there's no reason we can't meet our condiment champ. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for ELQ heir and CEO AJ Quartermaine!

[Cheers and applause]

Daphne: What's going on?

Michael S.: I don't know.

Carla: Don't look at me.

AJ: What do you mean Tracy isn't coming?

Elizabeth: Nikolas made sure that she wouldn't be debuting her relish on "The Chew."

AJ: Now, how did you manage to reason with Tracy?

Nikolas: Does anyone really reason with Tracy?

AJ: I'm sorry. I just -- I don't get this. Why are you doing this at all? I figured you wouldn't be able to resist the opportunity to show me up on national TV.

Nikolas: I guess my conscience got the better of me.

AJ: Just like that.

Elizabeth: Does it really matter? Nikolas got Tracy to not show up and not share the spotlight. Isn't that what's important?

AJ: Well, as usual, you're right. Thank you, Nikolas.

I got him! I got him! Signal Mario to stall. Mr. Quartermaine, you are supposed to be on the air right now.

Elizabeth: Okay. Good luck!

Mario: They both can't have dropped out. Let's see if we can't find out where Mr. Quartermaine is.

Daphne: You know, it's things like this that land you on "the soup."

Michael S.: And we all know how they feel about relish on that show.

Carla: Oh, don't fret, Michael. It's gonna be okay.

Mario: They're ready. Okay, once again, we present AJ Quartermaine!

[Cheers and applause]

AJ: Thank you. Hootie!

Carla: Hoo!

Daphne: Hello. Nice to have you.

AJ: Thank you.

Mario: Welcome.

AJ: Chef, thank you. I couldn't resist it.

Carla: Don't worry. I get that all the time.

AJ: Well, I figured it was fair since you thought I got lost.

Michael S.: Don't worry. It happens to me all the time.

Mario: AJ, I can't begin to tell you how excited we are to have you here with your Pickle-Lila relish in the "chew" kitchen.

AJ: Well, thank you. We really appreciate it. And the beautiful face of my grandmother, which is right here, she would have been so proud.

Mario: Aww. Beautiful she is, indeed. When we come back, we're going to give everyone at the tasting table a preview of the relish that's already whipped social media into a frenzy.

Patrick: What did you just say?

Emma: This isn't fair!

Patrick: Emma, you keep your voice down.

Emma: You said there wasn't gonna be a baby.

Patrick: I know what I said. But right now, I'm more concerned about what you just said.

Emma: "Witch, please"? It means a bad lady, like Britt.

Patrick: And where did you hear language like that, huh? Emma. You know what? Forget it. I think I know, and I'm gonna have to have a little chat with your uncle Felix.

Sabrina: Britt and Brad are not plotting to come between me and Patrick, all right?

Felix: Bitch, please. That's exactly what they're doing.

Sabrina: And the last time you had a conspiracy theory, you were completely wrong.

Felix: Okay. Go ahead -- shoot the fabulous messenger.

Sabrina: Okay, look. I confronted Britt about faking the morning sickness. Turns out she had hyperemesis gravidarum. So she now looks like the victim, and I'm the meddling Martha.

Felix: Or not. Come on. Face it. We both know Britt is more than happy to draw Brad into her web of lies. And, yes, I've always wanted to say those words.

Sabrina: Okay. Do you really think that Brad would falsify test results?

Felix: At least. Hell, if that skeeze was not so far up my grille that I could see his fleas, I'd speculate he was the one that got the wicked Westbourne knocked up in the first place.

Sabrina: [Sighs] Okay, look -- even if you're right and Brad is working for Britt, there's no way to prove it.

Felix: Au contraire, ma belle. I have a plan, but I'm gonna need an assist. You game?

Brad: I made all the necessary adjustments to your labs, so if anyone checks, the date is gonna support your claim that you have crippling morning sickness.

Britt: And no one will ever be able to prove that I don't.

Sam: I have been texting Morgan using a blocked number, claiming I was this "Jerome around the world."

Carly: And that's when he admitted he was talking to Michael.

Sam: Yeah, but he's stopped texting.

Shawn: Well, maybe he figured out you weren't his new girlfriend.

Carly: Or maybe a couple thugs have him and he can't get to his phone right now.

Sonny: Why would you do this to yourself? We don't know if anything happened to either of them.

Carly: We know what happens when people don't pay their debt. We know. Come on, Michael. Answer the phone this time, please.

Michael: Morgan.

[Cell phone rings]

Morgan: Can I help you?

Michael: Thank God.

Morgan: Michael?

Michael: Hey, yeah, it's me.

Morgan: Oh. [Coughing] Long time no see, bro.

Michael: Doesn't sound like too good of a cough, there.

Morgan: Yeah. You ever heard one that was? [Grunts]

Michael: I'm sorry it took so long. You okay? What happened?

Morgan: Oh, nothing. I just -- I ran into a door. [Coughing]

Michael: Morgan, this isn't funny.

Morgan: Not even in the grand scheme of things?

Michael: It's not a good idea to rack up a huge debt, then run. It makes it that much worse when they find you.

Morgan: Oh, that's great advice. Timing kind of sucks, though.

Michael: Can you sit up? Is anything broken?

Morgan: [Groaning] Look, we got to get you out of here before they come back, okay?

Morgan: Okay, Mikey, relax, all right? My friends won't be back till tonight. We got plenty of time.

Michael: What's going on tonight?

Morgan: Uh, well, if I don't pay them in full, we won't have to worry about my thumbs anymore. [Coughing]

Michael: I knew this was gonna happen. I should have called mom and dad.

Morgan: No, Michael. Okay. We can take care of this together.

[Cell phone rings]

Michael: It's mom again.

Morgan: Okay, don't answer.

Michael: I'm sorry, Morgan, but this is too dangerous. I can't keep covering for you.

Morgan: Michael, I'm begging you -- please don't.

Olivia: By the time Sonny got to the school, Morgan was already AWOL, so...

Connie: Do you think that Morgan got away before the mob guys got their hands on him?

Olivia: We hope so.

Connie: Honey, Sonny has to find him. According to Johnny, these guys who run the gambling ring, suffice it to say, are very dangerous.

That's right. We are.

Patrick: I don't want to hear that kind of language from you anymore. Do you understand me? If you do, I'm gonna take your privileges away.

Emma: Fine. But you can't tell me to be happy about the baby.

Patrick: You're right. I can't. Your feelings are your own, but just because you're mad and upset doesn't mean you get to talk like that, all right? And I hope by the time the baby comes that your feelings will change.

Emma: Not if Britt gets to be my new mommy.

Patrick: Baby, that's not gonna happen, all right?

Emma: Why not?

Patrick: Because I said so.

Emma: You also said there wouldn't be a baby.

Patrick: I know. I did. But you know what? We're gonna have to learn how to live with what happened. I'm this baby's father, and I'm gonna have to take care of it, just like I'm your father and I'm always gonna take care of you. You understand me?

Emma: I guess. This isn't gonna be easy -- okay? -- For either one of us, but we're gonna have to make some adjustments. But we're gonna be okay. Do you know why?

Emma: Why?

Patrick: Because me and you are family. And I'm always gonna love you, and I'm always gonna take care of you, and that will never, ever change.

Emma: Even when I say bad things?

Patrick: Even when you say bad things. But we're gonna have to work on that, all right? No more of that. Okay? Now you eat. It's just about time to go to school.

Emma: Next time you have a baby, can it be with someone I like, like Sabrina?

Sabrina: I don't know about this, Felix.

Felix: Trust me. It'll work.

Sabrina: At what cost?

Felix: You're my friend. You're worth the sacrifice.

Britt: I trust you'll keep your mouth shut?

Sabrina: Excuse me, doctor? May I speak with you?

Britt: I'm in the middle of something.

Sabrina: It's important.

Brad: Uh, we're done here. Right, doc?

Britt: Fine. What's so important?

Felix: You got a sec? [Clears throat]

Brad: For you? Sure. What you need, fee?

Felix: I thought I'd, um... take your temperature.

Man: If it isn't the Falconeri girls. You must be Constanza, A.K.A. Kate Howard, A.K.A. Connie Falconeri Zacchara.

Connie: It's very nice to meet you. Who are you?

Man: Me? I'm the guy who works for the man your jailbird husband warned you about.

Connie: Where's my assistant?

Man: Relax. She's fine. We called her and sent her to pick up a very important package. Best she's out of the way. We don't want her disturbing us, after all.

Olivia: What do you want?

Man: You tell me. Olivia Falconeri. You're the one who's a psychic.

Olivia: That supposed to impress me? Huh? My crazy visions have already made the paper a couple of times.

Man: You know what hasn't made the paper? You two visiting Johnny Zacchara up in Pentonville. And him tipping you off to our little operation. That wasn't in the papers, either. Yet here we are.

Connie: So what? We don't know anything about that operation. It has nothing to do with us.

Man: That's what we thought at first, too. But then we were forced to wonder, why would Johnny come running to you about our boss scamming a bunch of college kids? It didn't take us too long to figure out that Morgan Benson is Sonny Corinthos's kid. How about that? Talk about a lucky break.

Michael: Give me one reason why I shouldn't tell mom everything.

Morgan: Maybe because you swore you wouldn't.

Michael: That was before you got the crap kicked out of you.

Morgan: Well, that's too bad. I guess you missed it.

Michael: Yeah, you're right. Too bad there's no way I can get back in touch with her. Oh, wait. Yeah, I can.

Morgan: Please, I told you! I'm handling this!

Michael: You racked up $50,000 in debt to a guy who sent thugs to kick the crap out of you. I can't wait to hear what you have planned next.

Morgan: Yeah, I have a great strategy.

Michael: Yeah, let's hear it. What is that?

Morgan: Okay. Well, they want the money, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give it to them. Booyah!

Michael: Okay. Where are you gonna get $50,000?

Morgan: Okay. You know, it's funny how a death threat sparks your ingenuity.

Michael: Where, Morgan?

Morgan: Don't worry your pretty head about that.

Michael: Okay. Well, you must have made some pretty good investments when you were playing Texas hold 'em on your computer.

Morgan: I've got it covered.

Michael: You don't have $50,000 worth of anything to sell. I hope you're not stupid enough to go to a loan shark, because they'd mess you up a lot more than these guys did. Unless you are that stupid.

Morgan: [Coughing]

Michael: Got to get you to a hospital right now. Come on.

Morgan: [Coughing]

Mario: Welcome back to "The Chew" -- clash of the condiments.

Carla: Now, who didn't love Pickle-Lila back in the day?

Mario: I was working at the four seasons in san Francisco at the peak of Pickle-Lila's popularity. Hoo-whee! Did I put that relish on just about everything -- salads, seafood, in the deviled quail eggs. You name it. Then suddenly, it wasn't available anymore. I thought I'd go out of my mind.

Michael S.: You tried to make it yourself, didn't you, buddy?

Mario: I did.

Daphne: And how'd that go?

Mario: Not well.

[Laughter]

Mario: I could never quite get all those flavors to meld in the perfect way. I thought it was lost forever.

AJ: And here we are.

Mario: Just in time.

Michael S.: So, AJ, Pickle-Lila is one of a kind, and you're telling me this is the original recipe?

Nikolas: Oh, wow.

Elizabeth: Stop enjoying this.

Nikolas: I'm trying, but AJ's making it impossible.

Elizabeth: I thought you were a nice guy.

[Cell phone rings]

Nikolas: Excuse me. Hello? What? What do you mean she got away?

Tracy: Get your hand off of me. Where's your buddy? Sleeping it off?

Man: Yeah, where's your little friend? The one who knocked us out.

Tracy: That was no little friend. That was the spirit of my dead father. And if you don't get your hands off me, you're gonna find out what I am capable of!

Man: Yeah. What are you gonna do?

Tracy: Have you ever heard of the wrestler the dominator?

Carla: Okay, AJ, spill it.

AJ: Uh, it's really kind of a long and complicated story. Uh... basically... you know, Michael, it's actually not the original recipe.

Mario: Oh. So why keep the name?

AJ: Well, I'm gonna tell you why. Because there is one ingredient in the new, improved Pickle-Lila that's different, and we think it's that one ingredient that is gonna have people falling in love with it all over again.

[Cheers and applause]

Carla: Well, I can't wait. If you think you can improve upon perfection, who am I to argue?

AJ: Exactly. And you know what? It may not be the classic Pickle-Lila, technically speaking, but you know what? It really is new, and it really is improved.

Carla: All right.

Mario: Well, folks, let's find out if this "new and improved" relish measures up to the original after this commercial break. Stay with us.

Brad: So, you want to see how

hot I am, fee?

Felix: You just seemed feverish.

Brad: Hey, your fault. I just get warm all over whenever you walk by. Listen, why don't we, uh, take this party back to my place? I might need to be put to bed.

Felix: [Chuckles nervously] Let's not jump the gun.

Britt: So, what's so earth-shatteringly important you had to drag me out of a meeting?

Sabrina: I wanted to apologize.

Britt: Oh, I can't wait.

Sabrina: I'm very sorry that I was rude to you the other day.

Britt: Oh, Sabrina, you're always rude, so you're gonna need to be a little bit more specific.

Sabrina: I implied that your morning sickness was not legitimate.

Britt: Yeah, that wasn't rude. That was abusive. I'm carrying a baby... and not just any baby. Patrick's baby. And you actually think that I would use his child to manipulate him. You should be ashamed.

Sabrina: To be fair, you have manipulated him in the past. In fact, you've done everything you possibly could to interfere in our relationship.

Britt: Okay. This is your apology?

Patrick: Hey.

Sabrina: Hey.

Patrick: Hi. What's going on?

Britt: Uh, Sabrina was just apologizing for her... atrocious behavior the other day. But somehow, it just didn't seem sincere, which makes me wonder what's really going on.

Felix: Okay. Looks like we won't be disturbed, so now we can... talk.

Connie: You might as well go. There's nothing here that you want.

Man: Oh, I don't know about that.

Connie: Oh, I do. You're looking for Morgan, right? Well, he's not here. So we can't help you.

Man: I'm sorry, ms. Zacchara. I've been unclear. We're not looking for Morgan Corinthos. Our people finally tracked him down and paid him a little visit.

Connie: What did you do to him?

Man: We clarified his situation. Now we're gonna clarify yours. Tell us about these warnings Johnny passed to the two of you.

Connie: What warnings?

Man: This office isn't soundproof. You both know that, don't you? My men and I, when I walked in, heard you talking about Zacchara. Why else would the both of you visit Johnny Z. at Pentonville?

Connie: Look, as you've mentioned many times before, I'm his wife. It's a marriage of convenience. As it's become inconvenient, I went to Pentonville to discuss ending it.

Olivia: Yeah, I'm his ex. We're still friends. I just wanted to see how he was doing.

Man: Do not lie to me! Johnny tipped off Corinthos through you... and that upsets us greatly. Johnny passed a message to Corinthos. Now it's only fair that we get a message back to Sonny from the both of you -- from my boss to yours.

Connie: We don't want any trouble, okay?

Man: Well, too bad. Shooting your mouth off caused me trouble. It's only fair I cause some trouble for you. [Fingers click]

Connie: Hey!

Carly: Call me back, please. It's the eighth message I've left him.

Shawn: Carly, has Michael's phone been going straight to voicemail?

Carly: No, it rings and rings and rings, and then it goes to voicemail.

Shawn: No, but if it's ringing, then it's still on.

[Cell phone rings]

Sam: Which means I can track it.

Sonny: Maybe this is Michael right now.

We're patching your brother up. You want to tell me what happened?

Michael: Yeah, he was jumped by some guys. Is he gonna be okay?

Yeah, he should be. I'll let you know what the doctor says when he finishes.

[Cheers and applause]

Mario: Hey, everybody. Welcome back to "The Chew." We're ready to try out AJ Quartermaine's new and improved Pickle-Lila.

Nikolas: What do you mean someone knocked you out?

Man: Don't worry. Petro already went after her. There's no way that she's a match for -- scratch that. Petro is down. Repeat -- petro is down.

Elizabeth: What's wrong?

Nikolas: It's Tracy. But don't worry -- I'll take care of it.

Elizabeth: Just a few more minutes, AJ Few more minutes.

Nikolas: I'll watch the entrance, but we need to find her before she gets here -- hey!

Mario: Is everybody ready to put Pickle-Lila to the test?

Carla: Yes.

Mario: Cheers.

Together: Cheers.

AJ: Hey, just one moment. I'm sorry, guys. Before you try Pickle-Lila, there's somebody I have to acknowledge -- someone who isn't with us today because he's helping someone much in the same way that he helped me. I'm talking about my son, Michael. Michael, if you're watching, I know you probably feel bad about not making it here. And sometimes you need to break a promise to help someone in need, and you taught me that. There'd be no Pickle-Lila without you, buddy. And I just wanted to say thank you and tell you I love you.

[Audience "awws"]

Nikolas: Tracy --

Tracy: I have nothing to say to you. Get out of my way.

Nikolas: You're not going in there. They're live.

Tracy: I know. I'm a scheduled guest!

Nikolas: I canceled your appearance. You're too late.

Tracy: You know, Cassadines and Quartermaines share one philosophy -- when it comes to taking what's ours, it's never too late!

Nikolas: You're not going in there!

Tracy: Oh, try and stop me.

Nikolas: All right, this is for your own good.

Tracy: Oh, Nikolas!

Nikolas: Unh! Oh, my --

Tracy: Oops.

Carla: Aww! That was beautiful!

Daphne: It truly was.

Mario: That was something, all right.

Michael S.: Now let's eat these babies.

AJ: All right.

Tracy: Wait! You can't start the clash of condiments with this.

AJ: Pickle-Eddie?

Tracy: Yeah. Pickle-Eddie -- the daddy of all relishes.

Patrick: Well, I'm sure if Sabrina apologized that she meant every word.

Sabrina: How was breakfast with Emma?

Patrick: Surprising. Remind me to talk to Felix.

Sabrina: Felix? Why?

Patrick: Inappropriate language in front of children.

Sabrina: Uh, yeah, he could be pretty expressive. Anyways, I did talk to her, and I... I told her about the baby, and let's just say that she was less than thrilled.

Sabrina: It's a lot for her to process.

Patrick: Yes. But hopefully, in time, she'll adjust.

Britt: What a relief. Um, I'm glad that you're here. I -- I got my latest labs, and my condition is deteriorating.

Sabrina: Really? You look like you were feeling better.

Britt: It's deceptive. My O.B. Said she's never seen such a severe case of hyperemesis gravidarum. I have an order to take medical leave for the duration of my pregnancy. It's bed rest from here on out.

Sabrina: Oh. So you'll be laid up for several months. That's too bad.

Britt: It is. I really enjoy my job. And I live by myself, and I just don't know how I'm gonna manage.

Sabrina: Well, most women on bed rest hire a private nurse.

Patrick: Actually, yeah. Um, yeah, that's a good idea. You know what? I'll pay for it.

Felix: What happened to your clothes?

Brad: Got rid of them. Didn't need them, and, uh... you ain't gonna need yours, either.

Felix: My, aren't you, um... forward

Brad: Come on. Haven't we wasted enough time already? Hmm? Making eyes? Yeah? Circling each other for, what -- months? I was beginning to think you didn't like me.

Felix: Really? 'Cause for the longest time, I didn't even think you were gay.

Brad: Why not?

Felix: Um, because you're so -- whoa! Butch. And you're always hanging out with Britt.

Brad: Doc Westbourne? No, no, no. She doesn't have... what I want.

Felix: Then why are you so close with her?

Brad: Tell you what. I'll give it up if, uh... you give it up.

AJ: Pickle-Eddie?! You named it Pickle-Eddie?!

Tracy: Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? So, hi, guys.

Mario: You must be Tracy Quartermaine.

Tracy: I am, indeed. And guess what -- I didn't chicken out.

Mario: Oh? What kept you?

Tracy: [Clears throat] Nikolas Cassadine.

Carla: I read that he's your business partner. Is he here?

Tracy: Oh, yes, well... prince NikKi couldn't be with us. He's... tending to his...crown jewels.

[Cell phone rings]

Carly: It's Michael.

Sam: Okay, look -- I'm gonna need you to keep him on the line as long as you can. That means just stay calm.

Carly: Okay. Yeah, all right. Michael Corinthos Jr. Iii, where the hell are you?!

Michael: Hey, mom.

Carly: Are you with Morgan?

Michael: Yeah. Uh... we're in Manhattan.

Carly: What are you doing in Manhattan?

Michael: It's a long story.

Carly: Okay. You need to tell me where you are so I can come get both of you.

Michael: Okay, mom, I'm gonna tell you, but you have to promise me you're not gonna overreact or do anything crazy.

Carly: Why? Is Morgan hurt?

Michael: He's going to be fine.

Carly: "He's going to be fine" means he's not fine now, Michael. Where are you?

Michael: We're at the hospital.

Connie: Okay! You can stop now! We get the message!

Man: Actually, I don't think you do, but don't worry. You're about to.

Connie: Aah!

Man: We were just gonna send a message to your boy Sonny through his sons. [Fingers click] But you two mouthy broads had to make my life much more difficult, and that simply won't do. Now it's the time to put an end to it once and for all.

Carla: While Tracy Quartermaine preps Pickle-Eddie, I think it's finally time for this taste test to begin.

AJ: May the best relish win.

Tracy: Thank you. I plan to.

Michael S.: First up, Pickle-Lila.

Mario: We'll find out which condiment will dominate when our taste test begins right after this.

[Cheers and applause]

Britt: That's very generous of you, Patrick, but it's not that simple.

Patrick: Why not?

Sabrina: Excuse me.

Patrick: Okay.

Britt: Well, I'll need round-the-clock supervision, and that's...prohibitively expensive.

Patrick: Well, the insurance company, I'm sure, will cover half of it, and whatever's left, I'll do the rest.

Britt: Well, there's -- there's another problem. I'm losing my place.

Patrick: How did you lose your place?

Britt: I didn't re-sign my lease. I was looking for something bigger with the baby coming. Only somebody swiped the two-bedroom I wanted, and I can't look for a place being on bed rest. And my old apartment got rented, so now I don't have a place to live...

Patrick: Right.

Britt: ...Which makes a live-in nurse really beside the point. And I need a bedroom... like, yesterday.

Sabrina: What did he do to you?

Felix: I've seen Brad naked.

Sabrina: Oh, my God.

Felix: I've, uh -- I could wash my eyes out with bleach, I could stare directly into the sun until I go blind, but I can't unsee it.

Sabrina: I knew this couldn't work.

Felix: I'm sorry. I just couldn't sex the truth out of Brad.

Sabrina: Felix, thank God. I didn't want you to make that sacrifice.

Felix: I almost lowered my standards, straight to the floor, all the way to china, when I had this vision of epiphany coming at me with this big needle full of antibiotics. I just couldn't go through with it.

Sabrina: Good. Felix, I'm glad you didn't, okay? Look, we'll find another way to get the truth.

Man: We need to write a note to Corinthos. You ready?

Connie: Liv.

Man: Shut her up.

Connie: No. Okay. All right! All right.

Olivia: What's the message?

Man: "Dear Sonny. If you get in our way..."

Olivia: Okay.

Man: "...Your kid will end up... like Connie and me." Like I said before, if you were a psychic, you really should have seen this coming.

Olivia: Actually... actually, I am getting a vision.

Connie: Liv?

Olivia: Yeah. Oh. I'm seeing a...

Seeing what?

Olivia: I'm seeing you... with a bullet through your head!

[Gunshot]

Sonny: Don't think about it!

Man: She's like an animal. She's so strong -- so strong.

Michael: What's going on? Where's my brother?

Woman: He signed himself out a minute ago, against medical advice.

Man: Watch out, man. There's a crazy woman on the loose!

Elizabeth: Are you sure you're okay?

Nikolas: She just knocked the wind out of me. That's all.

Man: The clash of the condiments has finally commenced. Ooh. What happened to you?

Nikolas: It's...an old, uh... injury flare up. I'm fine.

Man: Oh. Sorry to hear it. Anyway, I've got samples from the set. No reason you two can't participate in the taste test, too. Bon appétit.

Elizabeth: Thank you.

Man: Mm-hmm.

Nikolas: No. No, no, thanks. I think I lost my appetite.

Tracy: Pickle-Eddie is named after my dear father, the late Edward Quartermaine. All he left me in his will was the last remaining jar of Pickle-Lila in existence. He meant for me to revive it. But my nephew and his cronies stole it out from under me.

Michael S.: Oh.

Tracy: They tried to make their own version of it, as if they could have succeeded where even the great Mario Batali could not.

Mario: That's a bit of a reach for me.

Tracy: And that Pickle-Lila knockoff is what he's trying to pass off to you today. The condiments he's shilling is a sham. He is trying to put one over on the American people.

Mario: Is this true, AJ?

AJ: ELQ has been nothing but up front about the revised relish recipe. And as a matter of fact, we think that we've got something that's even better than the original Pickle-Lila.

Mario: Well, we'll see about that. It's time for the moment of truth. Everybody -- dig in, panelists.

Michael S.: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mario: Yes. This is definitely classic Pickle-Lila. It's perfect.

Michael S.: Mm-hmm.

Daphne: But the new Pickle-Lila -- it's -- it's got a kick that the old one just didn't have.

Carla: But have you tried mixing the two together?

Daphne: No.

Carla: Mmm!

Michael S.: Whose relish is the best? We'll tabulate our votes and announce the winner right after this.

Patrick: So, that's it. We agree, then.

Britt: Yeah, I don't think we have any other option.

Sabrina: Agree to what? What's going on?

Patrick: Uh... Britt's gonna move in with me.

Mario: Hey, everybody! Welcome back to "The Chew" -- clash of the condiments. We have sampled AJ Quartermaine's Pickle-Lila...

Michael S.: ...And Tracy Quartermaine's Pickle-Eddie.

Tracy: And we need to know now, which one did everybody like better?

Mario: Fortunately, we have the results, and not a moment too soon. The winner of "The Chew's" clash of the condiments is... pickle -- [Grunts] Pickle...

Tracy: Pickle what? Pickle what?!

Mario: Pickle... [Vomits]

Carla: Oh!

[Audience groans]

[Gun clatters]

Shawn: Well, what do you know? We didn't even have to ask.

Sonny: Kill them anyway.

Man: No, please. We're unarmed.

Sonny: Then you got a problem, because once your boss finds out that you gave up without a shot fired, he's gonna kill you. And if I ever see your face again, I'm gonna kill you anyway.

Shawn: I suggest you fellas leave town tonight.

Sonny: No long goodbyes. This is your chance to run. Do it now! [Groans] You son of a bitch! You shot me in the leg!

Olivia: Yeah, you trying to make me look bad? I said you were gonna shoot him in the head.

Sonny: I don't know who you think you are, but you go after my family, especially my kids... you don't come back alive.

Connie: Sonny, wait. You cannot shoot him.

Sonny: He's an animal. What do you mean?

Connie: 'Cause he knows where Morgan is. Sorry about your leg. But you're gonna get a matching set if you don't tell me exactly where I can find my son.

Carly: Michael is still not picking up at all.

Sam: Hey, look, you have every right to be worried, but you might want to save it until we know something's actually wrong.

Carly: Wrong? We're way past "wrong" here, Sam. We're in a New York city hospital looking for my fugitive sons.

Sam: Yeah, but Michael and Morgan are not helpless, Carly. We're gonna find them, we're gonna take them home, and we're gonna deal with whatever trouble Morgan's gotten into then.

Carly: You're really annoying when you're right, you know.

Sam: Well, I'm not always annoying.

Carly: [Chuckles]

Sam: And this place is big. What do you say we split up? I'll go that way. You got that way. We'll meet back in the middle.

Carly: Sounds good. I'll meet you.

Sam: Okay. Oh, this is perfect. Excuse me. You.

Michael: Morgan, open up! I know you're in there! Come on! You got to get back to the hospital! Open the door now!

Tracy: Ugh! What the hell?!

Carla: Mario! Let me get you some water. Oh.

Michael S.: Are you okay?

Carla: I need to sit down. Can you --

Michael S.: I'll get you both some.

Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.

Nikolas: This is horrible.

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