General Hospital Transcript Tuesday 4/16/13

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Provided By Suzanne
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Guard: Do not give or take anything from the inmate. Under no circumstances are you to touch or make any kind of physical contact with the inmate.

Spinelli: Thank you.

Guard: Enjoy your visit.

Spinelli: [Sighs] Thanks.

Heather: Why, hello, Damian.

Felix: Stop! What in the name of Frederic Fekkai do you think you're doing?

Sabrina: I'm getting ready for work.

Felix: No, no, no. I did not wave my magic wand and turn you into Cinderella only so you can fade back into the woodwork.

Sabrina: This is more practical.

Felix: Yeah, so is hair conditioner. More on that later. But for now... dun-dun-dun dun dun there -- pretty and practical. Ulcer averted.

Sabrina: You done?

Felix: Will I ever be? Uh, okay. I know you're not directing that attitude at me, so what's that little snit about?

Sabrina: Guess.

Felix: Oh. "A knocked-up skank wants my man and isn't above using a baby to do it" for $200?

Patrick: What is it?

Britt: I wanted to assure you that our baby won't cause any problems between you and Sabrina 'cause I've decided not to have it.

Patrick: What is that supposed to mean?

Britt: Exactly what you think it means. I'm having an abortion.

Nikolas: I do-- I don't know, Spence. I don't know when I'll -- when I'll be able to get out of here. But -- but you know what? Maybe Grandma can bring you here, and we can go visit our old house. You can see your cousins. What do you think?

[Door opens]

Nikolas: Okay, listen, I'm sorry, Spence, but the doctor's here.

Lulu: I've never seen you people before in my life.

Dante: Okay. Okay, well, let's -- let's -- let's not push it, right? I mean, you just came back to us, so let's get you out of here and get --

Lulu: No. No, I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't know you. Who are you people?

Sonny: It's pretty simple -- find Brenda. Bring her to me.

[Doorbell rings]

Sonny: Never mind. I think she's here. Hey.

Connie/Kate: Hey.

Sonny: I missed you.

Connie/Kate: Well, they sprung me.

Sonny: Come in. How long you been out?

Connie/Kate: Uh, a few hours. Um, I came straight here to see you.

Sonny: I'm glad. You gonna tell me? Who are you? Kate or Connie?

A.J.: Hey, uh, what's a guy got to do to get a BLT around here?

Shawn: One BLT coming right up.

Tracy: No, no, no, no, no. You're not going anywhere. Sit down. Take a load off. Listen to my pitch. Stock up on hearty, tangy, one-of-a-kind Pickle-Lila relish. And then would you help me hang these promotional materials?

Shawn: Or maybe I can get you a cup of coffee and some pound cake.

Tracy: Opportunity is knocking in the guise of Pickle-Lila relish.

Shawn: Oh, don't misunderstand. I remember Pickle-Lila. I was practically addicted to the stuff. But, you know, it hasn't been on the shelves for years, and this really isn't a relish joint.

A.J.: You know, there is a hot dog stand at Pier 52. Hey, Tracy, why don't you go down there and take a long walk off it?

Tracy: Are you kidding me? "Not a relish joint"? Kelly's is the birthplace of Pickle-Lila relish.

Shawn: Is it?

Tracy: Damn right it is. Right there in that kitchen. My mother and her maid, may they both rest in peace, concocted this relish. Pickle-Lila relish, the relish that swept the nation and put ELQ back in the black.

Shawn: That's a great story.

Tracy: And now --

Shawn: There's more?

Tracy: All these years later, I am about to relaunch the greatest condiment that ever graced a sandwich or a cracker. And you, my friend, can get in on the ground floor.

Shawn: Thanks. You still want that BLT?

A.J.: Does it come with a shovel?

Tracy: Okay. If you're not interested in getting in on the relish revolution, I'm sure Wyndham's will jump at the chance.

A.J.: Would you do us all a favor and just head down there now?

Tracy: You know what? You can joke all you want, A.J., but I am about to relaunch Pickle-Lila relish, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me.

A.J.: Is that a fact?

Sonny: Can't imagine, you know, therapy that you had to go through to make things right. But you did it, and you're home.

Connie/Kate: Yeah. I'm here now. And, uh, I'm ready to tell you everything you want to know. But before I do, I want to ask you something first.

Sonny: Anything.

Connie/Kate: When you answered the door, and you saw me standing there, who were you hoping I was -- Kate or Connie?

Laura: Honey, it's okay. It's okay. You've been through an awful lot. It's all right. Just give yourself a minute and let the cobwebs clear, okay?

Lulu: What are you talking about? Who are you?

Laura: I'm your mother.

Lulu: And who are you?

Luke: Oh, come on. You can't forget your old man, right?

Dante: I'm, uh... baby... I'm your husband, Dante.

Lulu: No, you're not. My husband's name is Stavros Cassadine.

Felix: Naturally she's gonna be working that baby on board.

Sabrina: Felix, I don't want to talk about it.

Felix: I understand. And until you're ready to discuss it, allow me. She's gonna be coming at you with that full-court press, waddling up to your man, clenching her back, complaining about her swollen feet, and using her even more swollen breasts as visual aids. [High-pitched voice] "Oh, Patrick, my breasts are so sore. Just look at them!" [Normal voice] And she's gonna be like... [High-pitched voice] "Oh, who can help paint my nursery now that everybody hates me? And who's gonna help me -- help me throw a baby shower?" [Imitates sobbing]

Sabrina: You really think everybody hates her?

Felix: [Normal voice] Only the people that have met her. [High-pitched voice] "And what shall we name the baby? Hortense for a girl and Bruno for a boy."

Sabrina: She really did get pregnant just to trap him, didn't she?

Felix: [Normal voice] That's what I'm saying.

Sabrina: Now it's all I can think about.

Felix: [Sighs] I'm sorry, but sometimes the truth sucks.

Patrick: I cannot believe that this is happening right now.

Britt: Give it a moment to sink in. I'm -- I'm sure you'll agree that this is the only option that makes sense under the circumstances.

Patrick: No, Britt, what doesn't make sense is that you would bombard the stage during a tribute to my late wife, announce to everybody that -- that we're having a baby, and then now you -- you suddenly decide that -- that you're gonna have an abortion?

Britt: There is nothing sudden about this. I've given it a lot of thought. I considered all the factors.

Patrick: Okay, what -- what is your deciding factor?

Britt: You.

Patrick: So, now you're saying that it's my fault, that I'm the reason why you're gonna have an abortion?

Britt: When I told you I was pregnant, the look that was on your face? I mean, this is obviously your worst nightmare come true.

Patrick: Britt, you announced to friends and -- and family, let alone my own daughter, that we're having a baby. So, you tell me, how would you expect me to react to something like that?

Britt: Okay, maybe I could have handled it better. But come on. Let's be honest. It wasn't merely a surprise to you. You were horrified. Or are you gonna look me in the eye and deny you just want this baby to go away? Exactly. You don't want this baby, Patrick, but you also don't want to be the bad person that pushes for a solution.

Patrick: Okay, so what about you? You said that you wanted to have the baby.

Britt: I don't want to go through pregnancy and childbirth just to raise this baby by myself. So I'm gonna do what you want but can't bring yourself to suggest. I'm gonna get rid of the baby.

A.J.: Tracy, I hold your old title. I'm the C.E.O. of ELQ.

Tracy: Yes, well, you're not gonna have much to do with my father's company much longer, because I'm gonna be back on top just as soon as Luke puts me in touch with Franco's daughter.

A.J.: Really? I'm curious. When was the last time that you got a little progress report from this little quest? 'Cause I'm guessing that finding Franco's daughter is not the most important thing in Luke's life right now. Why? Because the Cassadines kidnapped Lulu.

Tracy: Trust you to profit off a family's misfortune.

A.J.: I wish the Spencer family all the best. Mm, you? Not so much. See, the longer Luke takes to find Lulu, the more time my man Spinelli has to find the missing Quartermaine heir.

Tracy: Spinelli doesn't work for you.

A.J.: Oh, but he does.

Heather: What are you doing out this way? Hunting the yellow-bEllied warbler?

Spinelli: Uh, like most songbirds, the warbler does not keep evening hours. I'm searching for a bird of an entirely different --

Heather: Why don't you just tell me what you want, you dweeb?

Spinelli: Nothing much. Just a little light conversation. Perhaps you can help me.

Heather: Why in the world would I do that?

Nikolas: You think it's time for a new pony, huh? [Chuckles] All right, well, we'll talk about it, I promise. But I-I'm sorry, Spence, but I can't keep the doctor waiting, okay? All right. I-I love you, too. Bye. Uh, sorry for the delay, Doctor.

Kelly: Oh, no need to apologize. Was that your son, Spencer, named after your mother's other family?

Nikolas: That's a strange question for a doctor to ask, isn't it?

Kelly: Well, I always try to put my patients at ease, Prince Nikolas.

Nikolas: Uh, Nikolas will -- will do just fine, Doctor...?

Kelly: Curtis. But you can call me Kelly. And I just want you to know I am very discreet. Anything you tell me will be strictly confidential.

Lulu: Stavros Cassadine is my husband. I-I want to know where he is.

Laura: No, honey, that man is not your husband.

Luke: Whatever that bastard told you is a lie.

Lulu: No, you're a liar. Stavros! Stavros!

Laura: No, wait. No, no, no, no. She's too weak.

Lulu: What did you do to me?

Luke: We saved your life, Lulu.

Laura: Sweetie, Stavros Cassadine is a kidnapper and much, much worse.

Dante: Look at me. Look at me. I am your husband.

Lulu: No, stop saying that. I don't know you.

Dante: Yes, you do. You do. Who do you think put this ring on my finger? You did. And this one on your finger? I'm the one who put that there.

Lulu: Stavros gave me that ring.

Dante: No, he did not. I gave you that ring. On Christmas Eve after we said our vows in a little church in Brooklyn. My whole family crashed the wedding.

Lulu: I-I don't... remember.

Dante: We love each other very much. You remember that, don't you?

Sonny: Only thing that I ever wanted for you was to be healthy and happy. And here you are.

Connie/Kate: Healthy, maybe. Happy... that's something else.

Sonny: Well, now that you're well, I mean, happy is the easy part. All you got to do... is tell me what you want. We'll make it happen.

Connie/Kate: Well, that depends on who I am, right? Do I want champagne and caviar or animal prints and beer?

Sonny: Are you Kate, or are you Connie?

Connie/Kate: Neither.

Felix: So, I don't want you wasting your precious time worrying about that Venus flytrap and her nasty ways. Say it with me. "Patrick and I are together."

Sabrina: Patrick and I are together.

Felix: That's right. And why? Because after months of wasting his time with the Britch and not noticing you pining away in the shadows, he finally came to his senses. And did you have to chase him down?

Sabrina: Well, I did kind of --

Felix: No, you did not, because he came to you.

Sabrina: He did, didn't he?

Felix: Yeah! So take the time to enjoy it. Savor the moment he first saw you when you were all dolled up. Don't let witchy Westbourne distract you. Hold hands. Be all lovey-dovey. Man, skip straight to the sex, unless you already have.

Sabrina: [Chuckles] No, we haven't.

Felix: What you waiting for?! Hit the sheets.

Patrick: Okay, I've barely had a second to wrap my head around the fact that -- that you're pregnant. You -- you can't go make a decision like that based on some opinion that you think that I might have, okay? I haven't said anything to --

Britt: You haven't said anything. You haven't said one word to me since the Nurses' Ball when you informed me that you don't want me back, child or no child. You never will. And the only reason we're even speaking right now is because I've cornered you.

Patrick: So, that's it? You're having an abortion?

Britt: I can either...have an abortion and carry on with my life, or I can keep the baby and spend the next couple of decades raising and taking care of it alone.

Patrick: Have you considered waiting to see if -- if it worked out or something or...?

Britt: If what worked out? What? Giving it up for adoption? I'm not an incubator, Patrick. I want to have a baby when I have someone to raise it with. You know, I know a lot of women can put family over career, but I am not wired that way. And if I can't have both, I will focus on my practice in helping people build families of their own. I refuse to bring a child into this world who is unwanted and unloved by its own father.

Heather: You want me to help you? Why would I do that?

Spinelli: Because I'm asking on behalf of a wealthy client with influence. And, I mean, it's answering a couple questions, right? It's not too much to ask.

Heather: You know what's not too much to ask? Delivering a letter. That's what I asked your partner Sam to do when she came snooping around. She promised to deliver my letter to Steven Lars, and moments later, she betrayed me 'cause she's a duplicitous, lazy worm just like you.

Spinelli: Okay, point of fact, earthworms are among the hardest workers in the animal kingdom. They aerate the soil --

Heather: You're a worm. You know what eats worms? Birds do, like the cuckoo.

Spinelli: Avian nutrition metaphors aside --

Heather: Don't think I've forgotten about the conspiracy you had going with Olivia to undermine me in the eyes of Steven Lars. You had no business following me and recording it.

Spinelli: Well, actually, Ms. Falconeri hired me, so it literally was my business, and not to mention you just buried Anthony Zacchara's body in the woods and were keeping Luke Spencer hostage.

Heather: Oh, Luke. How's he doing?

Spinelli: Well, he's out of town, I believe.

Heather: Of course, he is. Always the world traveler. But he is an appreciative adventurer. And who's a bigger adventurer than I am? You know, it sure didn't last with that limey broad he had his thing going with. I mean, that was over so fast, I wouldn't have bothered trying to kill her if I knew that was gonna happen. I mean, what a time thief.

Spinelli: Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

Heather: And Blaze with her glow-in-the-dark hair. That didn't stick, either. He just doesn't know how to work it out with them.

Spinelli: No, no, no, not with them. Well, especially when he's so busy with --

Heather: Busy with who? And don't try to evade me.

Spinelli: [Sighs] Tracy Quartermaine.

Tracy: Wait till I get my hands on that weasel. He'll know the cost of betrayal.

A.J.: Well, fortunately, you won't have to wait too long, because he's just about to find Franco's daughter. As a matter of fact, I think he's talking to someone who, uh, who knows her exact whereabouts right about now.

Spinelli: It very much appears to me that their romance is on the verge of rekindling.

Heather: You lie.

Spinelli: I wish it wasn't true, especially for your sake. But I do know of a surefire means by which you can prevent the romance from rekindling.

Heather: How?

Spinelli: Tell me what you know about Franco's daughter.

Kelly: So, you've had a rough time of it. Shot on your first day back in Port Charles?

Nikolas: Yes.

Kelly: After your little sister was kidnapped under mysterious circumstances?

Nikolas: That's usually the case with kidnappings, yes.

Kelly: And your mother didn't even stick around to see if you'd recovered? She left her fiancé to run off with her ex-husband?

Nikolas: My mother went with Luke to look for their daughter.

Kelly: Oh, right, the legendary Luke and Laura always running off.

Nikolas: I'm -- I'm sorry. What -- what kind of doctor are you?

Kelly: I'm an internist. So, can you confirm or deny, Prince Nikolas, the return of your presumed-dead father?

Epiphany: You did not just ask him that.

Nikolas: Epiphany, am I certainly glad to see you.

Kelly: I'm sorry, Nurse. Do you mind leaving? I'm busy examining this patient.

Epiphany: Save it, lady, and step away from the prince.

Dante: You're Lulu Spencer-Falconeri. You are my wife. We live in Port Charles, New York. That man, Stavros Cassadine --

Lulu: My husband.

Dante: No, your kidnapper. He brought you here to take you away from me. He brought you here so he could...

Lulu: So he could what?

Dante: Keep you from me. But he couldn't because I came after you anyway, the same thing you would have done for me, because we love each other, okay?

Laura: Dante, Dante, let's take a break, okay? Dante, just take a break.

Luke: Come on, son.

Laura: Sweetheart, just relax. Take a breath. Come here, honey. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, sweetheart, but everything's gonna be okay, all right?

Luke: Just let her be.

Dante: She's my wife.

Luke: Well, she's my daughter.

Dante: Have you told her that?

Luke: Yes, and I'll tell her again when she calms down. But if you keep force-feeding her information, she's just gonna dig her heels in.

Dante: And what if whatever this guy did to her sticks, and she doesn't remember who she is? What if she never remembers any of us?

Sonny: So, if you're not Kate or Connie, are you a third personality?

Connie/Kate: I am not explaining this well at all. I'm sorry. Conversation went much differently with my therapist when I practiced it with him, and in five minutes, and I can't even... I'm just messing it up.

Sonny: That's okay.

Connie: You see, I'm -- it's not that I'm neither Kate or Connie. It's that I'm both now. I'm integrated. And it took a lot. But the two people that you knew, Kate and Connie, they -- they rolled into one, into me.

Sonny: It makes sense. What am I -- what do I call you?

Connie: I've chosen to go by my given name, Connie, but I'm not the Connie that you knew. Sonny, please stop right there. I-I just have to make you understand what I'm saying. I'm not the Connie that you knew -- the wild, impulsive person. She's a part of me. She's all of me. But I'm also, for the first time, all of Kate. And so, they're not separate anymore, and all of their quirks and their feelings and their memories, the good and the bad, I have to live with that. And I have to live without you.

Britt: I know what it's like to grow up without a father. And I won't put another child through that.

Patrick: I'm sorry to hear that.

Britt: Thank you. Anyway... now you can breathe easy. You won't have to watch from the sidelines as I get bigger and bigger. You won't have to worry about running into me and our little son or our little daughter while you're out feeding the ducks with Emma. And you needn't concern yourself with child support, because there won't be any child.

Sonny: I don't understand what you're talking about.

Connie: I can't see you anymore.

Sonny: But I love you. I love every bit of Kate, Connie. I want every part of you in my life.

Connie: That's the problem, because you create conflict in my life, because there are two opposing sides of me, and they both love you.

Sonny: And I love you both. I love... all of you. You're -- you're -- you're one now, right?

Connie: Sonny, you have... it was very hard for me to bring these two sides together, to make them at peace. I'm not going through that again.

Sonny: But you're integrated now. You're whole, right?

Connie: I'm whole now. And the only way for me not to have a relapse... is if I stay away from you.

Luke: Don't jump to conclusions. She's in shock. Stavros messed with her head. There's no reason to believe that this is permanent.

Dante: She doesn't recognize her own family, Luke.

Luke: She doesn't have her memory back, but she's got her personality. We'll get the rest in time.

Dante: We don't even know what Stavros did to her. It could have been --

Luke: It doesn't matter what he did to her! He's gone! It's over! And no Cassadine ever got the better of a Spencer! And I'm telling you... this is not the time when they will.

Lulu: I don't remember anything.

Laura: Oh.

Lulu: The only thing I remember is... Stavros. There's nothing else. [Voice breaking] I-I don't know who I am.

Laura: It's all right, because I do remember. You are my daughter, Lulu.

Lulu: Lulu?

Laura: Yes.

Lulu: What kind of name is that?

Laura: [Chuckles] Well, I guess it's kind of a nickname, right? Uh, let's see. Um...your real name is Lesley Lu Spencer-Falconeri.

Lulu: It's a mouthful.

Laura: Well, there's a lot of history there. I named you a little bit for myself and a lot for my mother, Lesley. And we both love you so much, honey.

Lulu: I wish that meant something to me.

Laura: Me too.

Heather: Which Franco? The dictator, the bodybuilder, the brilliant artist?

Spinelli: The Quartermaine.

Heather: He has a daughter? Wow. What would give you a crazy idea like that?

Spinelli: Well, Franco once mentioned a daughter to Carly, a girl whose "bitch of a mother" -- his words, not mine -- wouldn't allow him near her.

Heather: Well, that's all news to me. And I happen to have a daily Spyder-finder alert on Franco. Or at least I used to... when I had Internet access, which is a basic human right!

Spinelli: Okay, you told A.J. that a means to control ELQ lay buried in Edward Quartermaine's will, and we've been over that will backwards and forwards, and there isn't one.

Heather: Maybe I made a mistake. Oops.

Spinelli: Yeah, or you were referring to the fact that Edward's descendants, all named or unnamed, have been bequeathed a share of the company. And all votes have been accounted for, unless Franco has an offspring out there.

Heather: I have no idea what this has to do with me.

Spinelli: Well, being Port Charles' resident Franco-phile, you were well-acquainted with Franco's birth mother, Susan Moore, as well as the woman who raised him, Betsy Frank, aka Karen Anderson. So, it would stand to reason that if Franco had a daughter out there, you would know about it. So, my question is, do you?

A.J.: Tracy, let me tell you how this is gonna go down. Now, Spinelli is going to find the long-lost heir, and then he's gonna report back to me. And then I'm gonna go meet her. And on the off chance that she's not swayed by my considerable charms...

Tracy: [Laughs]

A.J.: ...Well, I still have Michael and Spinelli and Duke to back me up.

Tracy: Got a little something for everybody?

A.J.: I might have to tell her a story about my, uh -- my crazy great-aunt and how she almost tanked the company by spoiling it with -- with mob money, and then I might suggest that she does an Internet search on you to find out just how heinous you really are.

Tracy: And what if she does an Internet search on you? How are you planning on hiding your misdeeds?

A.J.: I'm not going to. I'm gonna admit to everything. I'm gonna show her what a changed man I am, because I am. And then I'll have ELQ all to myself. Well, me and Michael. And you will be out for good, and you're gonna take that final, sad swan dive from irrelevance to obscurity.

Tracy: Shocking.

A.J.: Hmm.

Tracy: You have really thought this through. In fact, if you weren't so despicable, I'd be really proud.

A.J.: There's two ways that this can go down. You can keep fighting me, and you can crash and burn, or you can step aside, save yourself the embarrassment, and exit gracefully. It's up to you.

Tracy: Okay. You win. ELQ is yours.

A.J.: What's the catch?

Tracy: There is no catch. It's just that I have better things to do with my time than wage a pointless war of attrition for a company that isn't worth the paper its stock is printed on.

A.J.: Such as?

Tracy: Such as starting my own company, TAQ -- Tracy Angelica Quartermaine.

A.J.: Very original.

Tracy: Why wouldn't I follow in my father's footsteps? He gave his company his initials. I'm gonna do the same.

A.J.: Go for it. Anything that keeps you out of my hair.

Tracy: [Chuckles] Don't think that just because you got rid of me at ELQ, I'm gonna be off your radar, because while ELQ is floundering under your uninspired leadership, TAQ will be soaring to new heights on the wings of Pickle-Lila.

A.J.: You think so?

Tracy: And I'm gonna get the board back on my side. We will vote you out. I will be back in control. And you will be lucky if you get a job dressed as a hot dog hawking wieners with my topping on it!

Heather: Let's say hypothetically that Franco does have a daughter, and let's say I do know something about her. How does sharing that information with you keep Luke out of Tracy's clutches?

Spinelli: Okay, well, as I'm sure you're aware, A.J. and Tracy are currently embroiled in a battle over the control of ELQ. And as it stands, A.J. has won, but Tracy is mounting an attack on his position, and all Tracy needs is a sliver of stock to leverage A.J. out and take his place.

Heather: What do I care about corporate politics?

Spinelli: If Tracy reclaims her role as C.E.O., that'll make her very powerful...very rich. Did I mention she's single?

Heather: Rich? Available? Damn it, that's a lousy combination. That's like catnip to Luke. If only I were rich. I'd solve all of Luke's problems. But I'm not, and I'm stuck in here, which means killing Tracy's off the menu. You do have a point.

Spinelli: Does that mean you'll help me?

Britt: I've made a decision, and you had the right to know. Now you know.

Patrick: So, uh, when you gonna do it?

Britt: Oh, don't worry about me. I'll make the appointment. And you'll be able to go back to the life you had planned, Patrick. Congratulations. You're free.

Sabrina: Hey. You okay?

Sonny: Why you doing this?

Connie: Because I can't afford to splinter again. For me to stay whole and integrated, I can't be near you.

Sonny: For how long? For...for good?

Connie: I have to know that there's nothing left for us, that there's no hope at all for us.

Sonny: Hope is all I had. Hope that you would get better, hope that you would come back to me. And now you're telling me we can't be together?

Connie: Sonny, I can't afford to be with you. Please, just understand what I'm saying.

Sonny: I don't want to understand! I'm sorry.

Connie: It's okay. It's all right.

Sonny: I'm gonna -- you know what? I'm gonna talk to the doctors, and I'm gonna -- somehow I'll get, you know -- we'll -- we'll make this work.

Connie: No, I already talked to them, and they said that there's a chance that Kate and old Connie will come back if -- if I stay with you, Sonny.

Sonny: What if they're wrong?

Connie: They're not wrong. I can feel how tenuous the threads are that hold me together, the strain on -- on me right now talking to you.

Sonny: Connie, you don't know --

Connie: Sonny, I am sorry! I love you! You don't know how much I do! And I am so grateful to you for sticking by me through everything! You have to believe me that I don't want this! I need this.

Epiphany: Do you know who this woman is?

Nikolas: Certainly not a doctor.

Epiphany: No. She's a sleazy tabloid reporter.

Kelly: Journalist. Kelly Curtis, "Access Port Charles."

Nikolas: [Sighs]

Kelly: Prince Nikolas, can you comment on your mother's reunion with Luke Spencer, and will Scott Baldwin still be a factor? And what's changed in the year since the original groundbreaking love triangle?

Nikolas: Katie --

Kelly: Kelly. Kelly.

Nikolas: Listen, if you publish or broadcast any portion of this so-called interview here, my aunt, Alexis Davis, will sue you for everything that you own. And then I will proceed to purchase the "Access Port Charles" production company, shut it down, and then fire you.

Kelly: Well, you're infringing on my first-amendment rights.

Nikolas: Trust me, I can afford to do that.

Epiphany: And now get your skinny ass out of my hospital.

Nikolas: [Sighs] You don't have to stay, Epiphany. I'm sure she won't be back.

Epiphany: Oh, that's not why I'm staying. It's time for your sponge bath. [Chuckles]

Dante: We got to get you off this island now.

Lulu: Why?

Luke: Because it's a graveyard full of bodies of people who had no love for you.

Lulu: Bodies? Stavros?

Luke: I'm -- I'm -- I'm sorry. What am I saying? I am not sorry. The son of a bitch kidnapped you and brainwashed you into thinking that you were his wife. He's dead, and I'm glad he's dead.

Dante: Okay, Luke, stop.

Luke: Now, I know that you have no reason to trust us. You have very little reason to want to go with three people that you don't remember. But, sweetheart, there's absolutely no reason for you to stay alone here in this boneyard, so please come with the people who love you.

Lulu: To -- to go where?

Luke: Where you'll be safe. Where you'll have a chance of getting better. Let us take you home, Lulu.

Sabrina: Is it the baby? Seems pretty clear that she's trying to use this pregnancy to lure you back in.

Patrick: Yeah, that's what I thought, except now she's, uh... she's not gonna have the baby.

Sabrina: What?

Patrick: She said she's gonna have an abortion.

Felix: Out and proud with the baby bump, I see, all the better to show off to Dr. Drake.

Britt: You know, the doctors and nurses really do need separate changing areas.

Felix: [Chuckles] I bet you think that as your girth increases, so will Dr. Drake's guilty conscience. You'll be minding your business one day...

Britt: Like you should be doing right now?

Felix: ...And you'll notice him chatting up with your O.B. or maybe peeking into your file. He'll deny that he was checking up on your progress, and then you'll wistfully suggest, "Oh, I'm having a sonogram. Maybe you should come along. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to, uh, pressure you. Never mind."

Britt: Wow. You watch way too much women's television.

Felix: And then he'll come in just in time to hear the "whoosh, whoosh" of the baby's heartbeat, and he'll say, "That's the baby that you and I created together" and beg you to take him back, hmm? Ain't gonna happen.

Britt: And what makes you so sure?

Felix: Because Dr. Drake is too smart to let you use this baby to come between him and Sabrina.

Britt: Yeah, well, as usual, you don't know what you're talking about.

A.J.: I just have one question. What are you gonna call your -- your relish?

Tracy: Pickle-Lila, of course.

A.J.: Ooh, I don't know. I don't think so. You see, you may own the recipe, but I own the name Pickle-Lila. It's trademarked to ELQ.

Tracy: No, you don't. You're bluffing.

A.J.: Really? Why don't you check the files? Wait. You can't do that, 'cause that's only accessible to ELQ employ-- anyway, just know this -- that if you do call your new, wonderful, hopefully non-psychedelic pickle relish "Pickle-Lila," that I will get an injunction so fast, it'll stop production right in its tracks.

Tracy: Okay. So maybe you do own the name Pickle-Lila. But I own its heart and its soul and its guts. And I'm gonna go think of a new name right now.

Heather: All right, I'll help you -- under one condition.

Spinelli: Which is?

Heather: I need you to take a letter to Steven Lars. [Laughing] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just -- I'm messing with you.

Spinelli: Ever the kidder, you are. [Chuckles]

Heather: You want the scoop?

Spinelli: [Clears throat]

Heather: I'll give it to you. But I'm not gonna shout it out, so come closer, and I'll tell you everything I know about Lauren Frank.

Lulu: You can't make me do anything.

Luke: I never could. You always went your own way. But maybe this time, just this once, you should go your own way with us before some other Cassadine freak shows up who wants to put us all on ice.

Lulu: But -- but I'm Stavros' wife. I'll be safe here.

Laura: No, the only person who believed that you were Stavros' wife was Stavros. The rest of his family --

Luke: Are going to want you out of the way.

Lulu: When you put it that way...

Luke: I got her. Okay.

Laura: All right?

Lulu: I-I can walk by myself.

Dante: You sure?

Lulu: Thank you.

Laura: What the hell did he do to her? She's completely traumatized. What if she's never the same again?

Connie: I just can't be close with you, Sonny.

Sonny: Huh.

Connie: [Voice breaking] No matter how hard... it is for me.

Sonny: Hey, hey. Come on. Come on. Hey. No. Come here. Come here.

Connie: [Sighs] Take care of yourself, Sonny. [Sighs]

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