General Hospital Transcript Monday 6/11/07

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Sonny: What's the matter, you don't like it? I never saw the statue that got busted, but --

Kate: Oh, you mean the one-of-a-kind centaur that you had shot out of the sky?

Sonny: I'm just trying to make amends. Now, I know -- look, it's big, but it'll look good in your garden, I would imagine.

Kate: This is a tacky piece of trash. It's not surprising if your so-called personal decorator happens to be your ex-wife.

Sonny: I'm so sorry you feel that way. Now I know exactly what I'm going to do.

Robin: Whoa, whoa. Hold on a second.

Patrick: What?

Robin: I was enjoying the view.

Patrick: Oh.

Russell: In my hospital, there's only one word for this type of behavior.

Patrick: "Nookie"?

Russell: "Unacceptable."

Spinelli: Whoa! Not -- not so hasty, father of Mr. Corinthos, Sir.

Mike: Don't -- don't bother, okay?

Spinelli: No, ple-- may I?

Mike: Oh, well -- look, it's scrap metal, Spinelli.

Spinelli: I don't think so, okay? Just bear with me, okay? It's a two-button system. It's one of those newfangled ideas, okay? So just hit this one to engage and this one to process, okay? Just believe in it. Okay?

Mike: Believe in it?

Spinelli: Believe in it.

Mike: I believe in it. All right, this one --

Spinelli: Yes.

Mike: And that one.

Spinelli: Ha, ha!

Mike: I'll be damned.

Spinelli: Your blender will now purr like a top-of-the-line modem.

Mike: Ah.

Spinelli: The smoothie lives.

Mike: The smoothie lives.

Elizabeth: Oh -- Cameron, you see what happens when you're playing with your toys on the table? Now, you help me clean this up, okay?

Spinelli: Salutations, small Stone Cold one.

Lucky: Hey. Hey --

Spinelli: Yeah?

Lucky: Will you remind me again why you're so fascinated with my son?

Spinelli: I -- I meant the innocent one no harm.

Lucky: Keep an eye on the baby. This will just take a second.

Elizabeth: Um, Lucky --

Lucky: I want you to know my son's name is Jake, and I want you to stay away from him.

Lulu: So you and -- and Tracy are going after Mom?

Luke: Your mother is about to vanish from Rose Lawn. And she'll disappear until it's safe to come back.

Lulu: I'm going with you.

Russell: This type of behavior exemplifies everything that is wrong with this hospital.

Patrick: I thought you just said it was "your" hospital.

Russell: Disrespect for authority, lack of discipline. And it all started at the top, didn't it, with the old administration.

Robin: Speaking of respect, I would appreciate it if you'd show some. Alan was a dear friend of mine and a great physician.

Patrick: And he was an excellent chief of staff.

Russell: Well, based on what? The amount of nookie you scored during his tenure?

Patrick: Among other things, yes.

Russell: Dr. Quartermaine was inefficient, he was permissive, and he treated his specialists with kid gloves.

Robin: He was the kindest person I ever met.

Russell: Alan Quartermaine almost bankrupted this hospital by giving away our services to the uninsured, and that -- "that" will not happen on my watch.

Patrick: Well, you're not chief of staff yet.

Russell: I've been appointed provisional chief. I expect to be confirmed.

Patrick: Okay, so because we're backing Monica Quartermaine, is that why you're harassing us?

Russell: Dr. Quartermaine is deserving of your support. She's a fine cardiologist and a worthy opponent. What I don't like is walking in on two doctors already late for their rounds who are groping each other like hormonal teenagers.

Patrick: Hmm -- guess it's back to the supply closet.

Russell: Now, if that happens again, one or both of you will be brought in front of the review board. Hmm?

Patrick: Oof.

Robin: Sorry.

Patrick: For what?

Robin: I kind of started it.

Patrick: Who cares if the guy's a puritan? What bugs me is his obsession with the bottom line. We can't start turning away patients because they don't have health insurance.

Robin: Well, then we have to fight back. Petitions, lawsuits, picket lines.

Patrick: Hmm, I love it when you talk revolution.

Robin: You're so bad.

Patrick: Thank you.

Kate: Just keep this thing off my property.

Sonny: So you're officially giving it back?

Kate: It's a travesty.

Sonny: It's a funny thing about art. One person sees it as a bunch of paint globs my son Morgan could make.

Kate: Don't give him any ideas.

Sonny: And the next person sees it as art and hangs it up in the museum of modern art.

Kate: No, this would be dreadful in the eyes of any beholder.

Sonny: People get fooled all the time. You know, one woman says she grew up rich in Connecticut, maybe. And then another woman says that, you know, she grew up in Bensonhurst, maybe.

Kate: Hmm. Or a man considers his children to be just high-spirited, maybe. Or maybe they're spoiled hellions who massacre harmless koi.

Kate: Oh --

Sonny: I don't know -- I don't know what you want me to do. I -- I -- I offered to pay for the fish. The, you know, concrete on your terrace is fixed. I told Carly, "Hey, you know, whatever it costs to get her a new statue, it's fine with me."

Kate: That abomination is a direct insult to me, and you know it.

Sonny: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, because I am donating that big statue to the city of Port Charles in your name.

Epiphany: You can fix Lainey's computer before hospital tech support bothers to take a look at it. That's why I called you.

Lainey: I don't think it's serious. The screen just keeps freezing.

Epiphany: Tell him about all the files you lost.

Lainey: I'm sure they're in the hospital system somewhere, but I just -- you know, I can't seem to retrieve them.

Stan: Oh. Oh, see, the problem with that is I'm not really familiar with the hospital mainframe. That's completely different.

Lainey: No, it's okay.

Stan: All right.

Lainey: Okay, I'm sorry you made a special trip.

Stan: Yeah, hey --

Epiphany: No, my son will be glad to help you.

Lainey: No, no, no, it's probably better if I keep everything in-house.

Stan: Yeah.

Lainey: Office, you know, politics and all that, but thank you for dropping by.

Stan: Yeah, yeah, no problem. Sure, thanks. Mm-hmm. What, what? What? Damn. What, I'm sorry. Jeez.

Epiphany: Don't tell me, tell her. It would have taken you all of two minutes to fix Lainey's computer.

Stan: What did you think, mom? That, what, I would fix her software glitch, and then just jump to asking her out to dinner? Maybe have a couple babies --

Epiphany: Look, would it have been such a chore? I mean, the -- the dinner part? The dinner part? Would it have been such a chore?

Stan: Mom, come on, why do --

Epiphany: To have a meal with a lovely woman, who's a fine doctor? I didn't spend two years --

Stan: What does that have to --

Patrick: Please, can you help me with the intern evaluations?

Epiphany: Ahem.

Luke: Look, you and Spinelli located Laura for me, and that was a huge help. Tracy and I will take it from here.

Lulu: I can be the lookout.

Tracy: Lulu, I understand you're worried about your mother, but you don't want to go anywhere near this.

Luke: We're going directly against court orders. We're going to break I don't know how many laws.

Lulu: I don't care. I will do anything to keep mom away from Scott Baldwin.

Tracy: Lulu, if Scott catches you, you're going to have to apologize to him, and then he gets to magnanimously decide not to press charges. Do you want that?

Lulu: Hmm. I want to see mom again before you take her away.

Luke: Okay. Get your brothers over to the house, and I'll bring Laura there on our way out of town.

Lulu: You promise that you will show up?

Luke: I promise I'll be there.

Lucky: Well, you've been a good friend of my sister, and she likes you.

Spinelli: Yes, and I hold the Blond One in the highest esteem.

Lucky: Yeah, but you work for Jason Morgan, you live in his house -- that means you're a danger to my son.

Spinelli: Oh, no, I disagree. I -- I think baby Jake is safer because of my trust in -- in connection to Stone Cold.

Lucky: You mean Jason, right?

Spinelli: Yeah.

Lucky: Okay, listen, Jason Morgan is sitting in jail for the murder of Lorenzo Alcazar. There will probably be retaliation. That means if you are a target, you will put my son in danger.

Spinelli: Look, I was just greeting the innocent one. I was just saying "hi."

Lucky: Okay, my son's name is Jake.

Elizabeth: Okay, is there a problem, you guys?

Spinelli: Um -- the paternal one fears that I will endanger the wee one because of my connection to Stone Cold, but I don't think anything could be further from the truth. I, the Jackal, like Stone Cold, would do anything, make any sacrifice to protect the innocent one.

Lucky: What do you mean, "sacrifice"?

Epiphany: You don't need me to go over these intern evaluations.

Patrick: I do, actually. You work closer with the interns than the doctors do, and I trust your judgment.

Epiphany: You were just running interference for my son.

Patrick: Okay, it was a little awkward with Lainey.

Epiphany: "Awkward"? You're talking to me about awkward? You don't think working with you and Dr. Scorpio isn't awkward? You spend half your time trying to kill each other, and the other half trying to sneak off to the supply closet.

Robin: Sorry to interrupt, but I need Patrick for a moment.

Epiphany: Mm-hmm.

Patrick: What took you so long?

Robin: What set her off?

Patrick: I was trying to run interference for Stan, but obviously, I said the wrong thing.

Epiphany: We have a head trauma coming up from the E.R.

Nurse: It's a car accident. The charts are on the way. She's disoriented, resisting the exam, and they're too swamped downstairs to argue with her.

Patrick: Ma'am, are you in any pain?

Woman: We'll be fine when we get home.

Epiphany: I have to check your blood pressure.

Woman: It's fine.

Robin: Ma'am, would you let me hold your baby, just for a moment? The exam will go a lot faster.

Patrick: You can't take the baby in for your cat scan.

Woman: I don't need a cat scan.

Patrick: You could black out with no warning. You can't -- it's not safe for the baby.

Robin: Just let me hold her for a moment. She'll be more comfortable, I promise. It's okay. Thank you.

Epiphany: I'll put a rush on that cat.

Robin: Hi.

Woman: I can't leave my baby.

Robin: It's okay. I will take care of her like she was my own, I promise. Isn't that right, little blur. Hi. Come.

Spinelli: Well, look, Jason braved -- braved the storm and brought you to safety. You know, the night the small st-- the small styling dude was brought into -- into the world, you know, and he watched over you at the Metro Court. He's a fine and loyal friend, and he would do anything --

Elizabeth: Jason isn't the issue here, you are.

Spinelli: I would never -- I mean, I would never harm any child -- as -- as you must know. In fact, instead, I would honor and protect this one above all others.

Lucky: Yes, see, that's what I mean. "This one above all others"? Why is that? I mean, what's so special about Jake?

Elizabeth: Okay, listen, I understand that you respect Jason, and yes, he has saved my life, and -- and Jake's more than once, but you really don't know me and Lucky all that well. And you do seem a little too interested in our son. Come on, you showed up at the hospital with a video camera before he was even born.

Spinelli: I -- I was trying to honor and please the Blond One.

Lucky: Don't try to use my son to get close to Lulu.

Lulu: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why -- why are you hassling Spinelli?

Lucky: Because Spinelli is too interested in Jake.

Lulu: Excuse me. Look at Mike. Does that bother you, too?

Lucky: No, but that's different.

Lulu: No, then why are you picking on Spinelli? If you're going to bring Jake in public, people are going to notice -- he's a cute kid.

Lucky: No, Spinelli -- he's different.

Lulu: Well, no, everything is different with Spinelli, but we don't have time to argue about that. You guys need to come home, now.

Luke: I don't know about this. Taking Laura by the house is a huge risk.

Tracy: You can't get out of this. You promised Lulu, and she needs to say goodbye to her mother. So do those boys.

Alan: Oh, let me get this straight. You're trying to make your husband feel so guilty that his children will visit with their mother, and then he will disappear with Laura, the --

Tracy: Shh!

Luke: Spanky? The getaway just got a lot more complicated, so I need you to focus. We don't have time to hiss at the armchair.

Alan: Hey, just watch what you're saying.

Tracy: Not to worry. My, um, dearly not-quite-so departed brother just left.

Alan: You wish.

Tracy: I am so focused on helping you get away with Laura.

Alan: Too bad I don't have to wipe my feet anymore. You'd make a lovely doormat.

Sonny: Maybe I'll put it in the park, so people can walk by it every day and read the little plaque that says "Donated by Kate Howard."

Kate: Kate Howard would never purchase something like that.

Sonny: It must be pretty difficult getting it all straight all the time. You know, "Kate Howard wouldn't do this, Kate Howard wouldn't do that." Does Connie Falconeri ever get a vote?

Kate: I left Connie Falconeri in Bensonhurst years ago. Yet, you seem determined to punish me for that. Why? Are you still mad because I didn't run away with you?

Sonny: At least you'd be who you really are, right?

Kate: Kate Howard is who I really am. I have worked hard to build a life for myself, and just because you think that I'm ashamed of it does not mean --

Sonny: Aren't you?

Robin: Hmm. Will you please take her down to Pediatrics, make sure she's comfortable? And I'll let you know her name at the mall. Bye. Thank you. You saw that, didn't you? That precious little baby moment. And just because I had a tiny maternal moment doesn't mean what I know you think it means. It was just a spontaneous reaction, you know? I was -- I was holding her in my arms, I was looking in her eyes, which can barely even focus. I mean, I could have been a tree or a chair or a potted plant.

Patrick: "A potted plant"?

Robin: The point is the baby had no idea who I was. And all studies agree that babies are cute and cuddly as a survival mechanism. Actually, studies don't agree on why, actually, they're so cute and cuddly. But studies do agree that babies are very expensive, and they get even more expensive as they get older. I mean, have you checked out the cost of a college education lately? Not to mention, the -- the midnight feedings. I mean, it's not like I haven't been sleep-deprived for years. And really, the idea of waking up in the middle of the night and feeding a baby over and over again, and holding it close in a cozy room -- I have rounds.

Patrick: Yeah, I got rounds.

Kelly: That wasn't pretty.

Lainey: Oh.

Epiphany: What kind of friends are you? You just stood there while poor Robin dug herself a hole so deep, she'll never get out.

Kate: I didn't want to stay in Bensonhurst. And obviously, neither did you.

Sonny: At least I kept my real name.

Kate: Kate Howard is my real name, my real and legal name. It has been my whole adult life.

Sonny: You must have broken your mother's heart.

Kate: I'm sure that you've known people who have transformed themselves. You pay what it costs, and you move on.

Sonny: And look what it's costing you.

Kate: You're right. That centaur was extremely expensive. I used to love the feel of the marble. Touching it and imagining that my own ancestors may have actually touched it. That statue was a direct connection to my grandfather and my family.

Sonny: See, now you're rationalizing.

Kate: No, see, you're not even understanding. You're not trying to. That is how you have changed, Sonny. You know, you have this whole bad-boy charm still. But you -- you're cynical now. You don't -- I -- you want to make me angry, right, just to feel that you've won. Okay, the boy that I knew -- he could be angry, he could be mysterious, he could be even frightening. But he was never mean.

Sonny: You've been thinking a lot about me, haven't you?

Kate: Oh my --

Sonny: What?

Kate: Why do I even waste my breath?

Sonny: Watch your step!

Lulu: You have to back off Jake, Spinelli. Elizabeth has to be getting suspicious, and if luck--

[Mike hums]

Mike: Hey, hey. The first-ever Spinelli special. A smoothie with orange sherbet, orange soda, and a side of barbecue chips.

Spinelli: Father of Mr. Corinthos, Sir, I am most grateful.

Mike: Oh, come on. You saved the day.

Lulu: What did you do?

Spinelli: Oh -- well, a little technical lossageous care. Basically, respecting objects that appear inanimate, but are actually teeming with ions --

Mike: Hey, hey, hey, hey -- he -- he fixed the blender.

Spinelli: I fixed the blender.

Mike: Yeah. Thanks again.

Spinelli: I am immortalized in sherbet and soda.

Lulu: Yeah, that's nice. Now, you need to quit being so weird about Jake, okay?

Spinelli: Look, I -- I merely greeted the innocent one and assessed his well-being to report back to his true Father.

Lulu: No, you can't keep saying things like that.

Spinelli: Look, Jason is alone in his cell with only his secret pain to keep him company. I thought a little news of the wee one would bolster his spirits.

Lulu: Okay, you agreed to keep the secret, so you need to keep it, okay? My family can only take one disaster at a time. And right now, my mom takes priority.

Luke: So are we clear on all this?

Alan: That is, hands down, the worst plan I've ever heard.

Tracy: Shut up. Yes?

Alan: You could end up in jail, and for what? Luke could leave you.

Luke: Tracy -- you think Alan will be joining us?

Alan: Maybe.

Tracy: No!

Luke: Good.

Alan: What if Luke never comes back?

Tracy: He will.

Luke: I thought you just said he wouldn’t.

Tracy: No -- let's just go! Come on.

Edward: Oh, good, you're here.

Alan: Hi, Dad.

Edward: Tracy, we need to --

[Tracy groans]

Edward: Review the contracts for the new E.L.Q. acquisition.

Tracy: Right. Well, I'll check on them later.

Alan: You're slipping, Tracy.

Edward: Well, the closing is tomorrow, dear.

Alan: You forgot about it, didn't you?

Tracy: Shut up!

Edward: Excuse me?

Alan: The sharks are circling.

Edward: Oh -- oh, you're -- you're still seeing Alan, aren't you?

Tracy: No, of course not.

Alan: They're moving in for the kill.

Luke: Edward, Tracy hasn't seen Alan in a long time, have you, cuddles?

Tracy: Right. Alan, may he rest in peace, is the last thing on my mind.

Alan: You just won't admit it. I've been right on this all along.

Edward: Well, I know you two are going out for the evening, so enjoy yourselves, and don't worry about E.L.Q.

Tracy: Oh, Daddy -- patronize me if you must. But assume nothing. Know that I will be back.

Luke: Bye.

Lucky: Here we are. Here you go, Cam.

Elizabeth: Thanks.

Nikolas: Hi. Uh -- we got a message from Lulu saying to meet you here.

Lucky: Yeah, she sent us home from Kelly's.

Nikolas: Well, what's it about?

Lucky: Um --

Elizabeth: Hey, do you want to help me get the kids ready for bed?

Emily: Yeah, sure. Sounds great.

Lucky: Yeah, go with Emily.

Nikolas: What -- what is it?

Lucky: Dad -- he tracked Mom down. She's at Rose Lawn.

Nikolas: Is she all right?

Lucky: Yeah, as far as we know. Well, what are you doing?

Nikolas: Calling Alexis.

Lucky: No, no, hold off.

Nikolas: Why?

Lucky: Dad -- he's going to grab Mom tonight and run. They're going to stop by here in a few minutes and say goodbye.

Nikolas: And we're supposed to be okay with that?

Robin: How bad was it?

Kelly: What?

Lainey: About the baby?

Robin: Uh-huh.

Kelly: Oh --

[Kelly scoffs]

Kelly: It was nothing.

Lainey: Less than nothing.

Kelly: Doctors hold babies in hospitals every day. Patrick probably didn't even notice.

Lainey: Don't give it a second thought.

Robin: That bad, huh?

Lainey: Honey, why were you babbling on and on about babies to a man that you know is genetically predisposed to bachelorhood?

Robin: I don't know. I don't know. Honestly, I hardly ever think about having children. It was just that that baby was so cute and cuddly, and what's so horrible about holding a baby?

Lainey: Nothing. All women think about having babies at some point.

Kelly: I don’t.

Lainey: It's okay to admit it.

Kelly: No, I spend every day and most nights with babies on the way, babies just born, babies on ultrasound, babies on monitors. Sick babies, sweet babies, cute babies, and I love them. I really do. I love them. But I just -- I don't want to take them home with me.

Lainey: Hmm.

Robin: Hmm.

Lainey: Well, most women think about having children at some point. And that's all you were doing.

Robin: Patrick probably thinks that I want to have a baby now, immediately.

Lainey: Yeah, I did notice a look of sheer terror. It was more deer in headlights of a semi.

Lainey: Hmm, or like blind panic.

Kelly: Yeah, kind of like he was standing in the path of a tornado.

[Both make wind sounds]

Robin: Okay! Women --

Lainey: Sorry.

Robin: I saw it, too, okay? I was there.

Lainey: Oh.

Robin: He's probably on his way to Vegas as we speak.

Lainey: Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised.

Robin: Yes.

Kelly: Ladies, I am officially taking control of the situation. Change clothes, sign out, put on your lipstick, and comb your hair. We have someplace to be tonight.

Coleman: Look out, it's my old sparring partner. How you doing, man?

Patrick: I'm all right, how are you?

Coleman: My jaw's seen better days. What can I get for you?

Patrick: Uh -- amnesia, please.

Coleman: Huh, would you settle for impervious? Russian vodka, guaranteed to 56 below?

Patrick: Impervious will work.

Coleman: What's up, Stanley?

Stan: What's going on, Coleman? Hey, whatever this man is having right here, make it two, and it's going to be on me, all right?

Patrick: Fair enough. I'll get the next one.

Stan: Cool deal. And thanks for the assist earlier. It was a --

Patrick: Anytime.

Stan: Cool, cool. Look, don't get me wrong or anything. You know, I -- I love my mother.

Patrick: Ooh, whoa --

Stan: I respect her, but --

Patrick: Don't say that word.

Stan: What, "respect"?

Patrick: No.

Stan: "Love"?

Patrick: No.

Stan: "Mother"? What?

Coleman: Uh-oh. See, now it's getting heavy. This one's on me, if we're talking about mothers.

Patrick: Thank you. "Mother" means suburbs.

Stan: Hmm.

Patrick: Three-bedroom ranch.

Stan: Yeah, living room --

Patrick: Exactly. Finished basement.

Stan: A lovely mortgage.

Patrick: Kids.

Stan: Huh.

Patrick: Coleman, one more.

Sonny: It's okay.

Kate: Oh --

Sonny: Take it easy.

Kate: Ma's going to kill me.

Sonny: I won't tell.

[Kate sighs]

Kate: Hmm. You never do -- mm-hmm. Oh, wait -- ah!

Sonny: Hey, hey, hey.

Kate: Wait, wait -- what happened?

Sonny: You hit your head and you went out cold.

Kate: How did I --

Sonny: You just -- you walked into the big statue right there.

Kate: Oh. Oh, oh, no. That statue -- no, no, no. I don't want anything to do --

Sonny: You're not -- you're not going anywhere, Connie.

Kate: Oh.

[Kate sighs]

[Music plays]

Patrick: Why can't women accept that men need freedom?

Stan: You know, why can't they just be in love, you know? Just be in love.

Patrick: Right? Why can't they just be in love -- no kids, no diapers?

Stan: No, no, no, no -- no cul-de-sacs. Mmm.

Patrick: It's a paradox.

Stan: You know, you're reading my -- my mind now. I was just going to say that.

Patrick: Women destroy the very thing that drew them to the man in the first place.

Stan: You know, I was thinking about this -- it's a lot like a computer virus, you know? Attract, open, destroy, attract a man, open him up, destroy him over and over and over again.

Patrick: Women believe that men simply want to be fathers.

Stan: What?

Patrick: You know, they want us to give up the independence, the money, for God's sake. As soon as that little bundle of joy comes in the world, it's all out the window.

Stan: Well -- oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry -- what?

Patrick: What do you mean, "what"?

Stan: No, not what -- what do you mean, "what"? You just said something about a bundle of joy out the window. I mean, that's -- that's -- that's kind of rough, man, to be honest with you, all right? I'm just saying --

Patrick: Not the bundle of joy. I mean the independence, the freedom.

Stan: Okay, okay, deep-sea fishing and diving, all that stuff --

Patrick: Last-minute trips, sleeping through the night.

Stan: Huh -- not sleeping through the night.

Patrick: That's what I'm talking about.

Stan: That's what I'm saying.

Patrick: Ahem -- it doesn't matter what happens. I will never, "ever" --

Stan: Ever -- I'm right there with you.

Patrick: When I saw Robin hold that baby, terror struck in my heart. I will never want to be a dad.

Coleman: Hey, hey! What's going on, girls?

Robin: Hey. Nice shirt, Coleman.

Coleman: Yeah, you like?

Singer: Simply there's nothing worse than bleeding I need to know that you still

Nikolas: Look, no one wants Baldwin to be Laura’s guardian, but we need to allow the appeals process to work here.

Lucky: Yeah, but my dad doesn't trust the legal system for obvious reasons.

Nikolas: Well -- Lucky, Luke runs off with Laura, that's it. There's no appeal, this becomes a criminal case -- that's it.

Lucky: Yeah, my dad doesn't care.

Nikolas: Well, he's not the only player here, Lucky. We need to think about what's best for our mother.

Elizabeth: You told him?

Lucky: Yeah.

Emily: Elizabeth told me.

Nikolas: Well, I think it's a terrible idea.

Lulu: Hey, did I miss Dad and Mom?

Nikolas: No, you didn't, but I can't allow Luke to do this.

Lulu: Why? It's what Mom would want.

[Tracy sighs]

Tracy: Dr. Conrad, I'm looking at several places. I want my husband to have the best possible care.

Dr. Conrad: I understand.

Tracy: Oh, and I hope you'll accept the fact that I have to consult with my husband's psychiatrist, Dr. -- Schemerman.

Luke: [Foreign accent] Von Schamerman.

Tracy: Von Schamerman.

Luke: Doctor, the husband is a most complicated patient.

Tracy: Uh -- yes, to say the least.

Luke: He is brilliant, absolutely brilliant. And he has the -- hmm, how you say that? -- Uncanny. He has the uncanny ability to make fools of highly trained professionals.

Tracy: Which can be incredibly annoying.

Dr. Conrad: I can imagine.

Tracy: His most serious problem is risk-taking behavior. He -- he doesn't understand limits or boundaries, and he frequently disappears for months at a time.

Dr. Conrad: That must be very frustrating.

Luke: Uh -- yeah. But I can assure you that the husband has a firm grip on realities when things add up and the numbers are correct.

Tracy: And when the numbers aren't correct, he resorts to numbing himself with alcohol and gambling and frequent infidelity.

Luke: Doctor, I'm sure that you understand my time here is cort. Uh -- I must -- I have other patients to see.

Dr. Conrad: Certainly, certainly. Take a look around and stop by my office.

Luke: Danka well.

Tracy: Thank you. Your timing here is "cort"?

[Tracy sighs]

Tracy: You laid that on a little thick, don't you think?

Luke: [Normal voice] Hello, angel. We're going back on the road.

Sonny: Okay.

Kate: Ah.

Sonny: I'm taking you to the hospital.

Kate: Oh, absolutely not.

Sonny: You thought you were in Bensonhurst, Connie.

Kate: That's ridiculous.

Sonny: Hey, you -- you need to see a doctor. I'm serious about this.

Kate: No -- what, and tell him I ran into that monstrosity? I think not.

Sonny: What if you -- what if you got a concussion?

Kate: Then I'll go see a doctor in Manhattan, but not here.

Sonny: Why? Are you afraid that you'll -- you'll get so confused, you'll say something sweet about me?

Kate: Ooh, your narcissism knows no bounds.

Sonny: Okay, maybe you'll slip up and somebody will figure out that you're really Connie Falconeri?

Kelly: Don't let us interrupt.

Patrick: I was only riffing.

Robin: Whatever it was, don't let us stop you.

Patrick: Okay, then, I was only pointing out that not every man is cut out to be a Father.

Stan: Mm-hmm -- ahem.

Patrick: We like kids, we like kids. We just like them better at a distance.

Robin: That's great -- that you know yourself so well. Pass the peanuts, please.

Lainey: Hey, Coleman?

Coleman: Yeah?

Lainey: We're going to need some tequila -- badly.

Coleman: You got some tequila, ladies.

Robin: Thank you.

Scott: Listen, have the car brought up. The attendants are on their way.

Doctor: You understand that she's being released against doctor's orders.

Scott: Look, when you look at the big picture, Doc, I'm doing what's best for Laura. Hey, Laura. We're going to take a little ride. But you have nothing to worry about --

Tracy: Go on.

Nikolas: Sit down.

Lulu: Uh --

Nikolas: I know this entire experience has been -- it's been terrible for you, and I don't want to make it worse, but let's be honest. Luke hasn't always made the best decisions regarding our mother, and taking her out of what is now a safe environment is a mistake.

Lucky: He blames himself for the shape she's in.

Nikolas: That doesn't give him the right to take her out of the hospital!

Emily: Okay. I think now would be a good time to get some dinner, yeah?

Elizabeth: I agree, yes.

Emily: All right, we won't be long.

Elizabeth: Can you listen for Jake?

Lucky: Yeah, I will.

Lulu: Mom would want Dad to do this.

Nikolas: Then why did she appoint me guardianship instead of him? Because she knew -- because she knew that I would take the safest course.

Lulu: Okay, all right -- you're not getting this, so listen. I'm not going to let Scott Baldwin have any control of our mother no matter what I have to do, so if Dad doesn't take her out of town tonight, it's going to be me. That's your choice -- Dad or me.

Nikolas: Okay, Lulu, then do you know something that we don't?

Luke: I know -- don't ask.

[Luke sighs]

Luke: Okay. Your mother's in the car. If you're going to say your goodbyes, do it now.

[Music plays]

Kelly: Thank you. Okay.

[Women laugh]

Robin: Wow.

Kelly: Care to join us?

Stan: Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Kelly: Yes.

Lainey: What should we drink to?

Robin: To freedom.

Stan: There you go.

Robin: To doing what makes you happy.

Kelly: Yeah.

Robin: To not living up to anyone else's expectations. To having the freedom to be who you truly are.

Singer: Lie to me you lied to me again

Robin: Well, drink!

Singer: Tell me you're not playing

[Robin laughs]

Singer: You know I'd understand

Kelly: Hmm -- oh.

Singer: Lie to me

Kelly: By the way, Patrick?

Patrick: Yes?

Kelly: You couldn't be more wrong.

Patrick: Why -- because I'm honest about not wanting to have a kid?

Kelly: Well, because you assume all women do want them.

Stan: Well, don't they?

Kelly: I don’t.

Lainey: You deliver them all day.

Stan: Yeah. All day, every day. I mean, Kelly, you're kind of like the -- the candy maker who hates chocolate. You know what I mean? I mean, I guess if you see how things are processed and made up close, then you kind of are turned off to the whole idea, right?

Kelly: I -- I love babies. I just -- I don't want one of my own.

Robin: Really? Never?

Kelly: Uh-uh, no. When I see my future, there isn't a child in it. When I see a man with a baby, I assume he's either committed to someone else or loaded with child support payments.

Stan: Oh. Wow.

Robin: Well, there you have it, Patrick.

Stan: Well, Kelly’s atypical.

Kelly: Oh. No, no.

Stan: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Lainey: And what qualifies you to judge?

Stan: You know, because I listen to women. And most in my experience are just like Robin -- they're just waiting for the opportunity to convert her man into a daddy. I'm saying.

Robin: Oh!

Stan: I'll drink to that.

Robin: Oh.

Alan: What happened to your Laura wig?

Tracy: Alan, I am so not in the mood.

Alan: Well, it's a simple enough question.

Tracy: It's in the dumpster, Alan -- gone forever.

Alan: Very much like your husband -- the "gone" part, I mean, not the dumpster.

Tracy: Luke will be back.

Alan: My little sister, the eternal optimist. Who knew? You aided and abetted your husband in kidnapping his wife.

Tracy: I am his wife.

Alan: My mistake -- his ex-wife, the love of his life.

Tracy: If I didn't help him, he would've killed Scott trying to rescue Laura on his own and I would've lost this man that I've come to love.

Alan: Well, I hate to point out the obvious, but your husband is nowhere to be seen.

Tracy: I am so sick of you!

Edward: Tracy, I certainly hope you don't scream at the furniture at the office because that could be a very bad sign for the bottom line at E.L.Q.

Nikolas: Luke, I have serious concerns about this, and not just for Laura but for Lulu.

Luke: Well, I've explained all of this to Lulu and she's agreed to it.

Nikolas: Well, where do you plan on taking her?

Luke: Just know that she'll have the best possible care and that I'll bring her back as soon as it's safe.

Lucky: We'll keep fighting things on this end. I'll call you if anything changes.

Luke: I'll keep in touch.

Lulu: You guys' turn.

Lulu: Be safe, be smart.

Luke: Oh. Yeah, just like when we used to go ice fishing.

Lulu: Yeah, that's what you always said.

Luke: Apparently, you listened.

Lulu: Will you tell Mom that I love her, every day?

Luke: I promise, princess.

Lulu: Well, then you should go, then, before Scott figures it out.

[Lulu sighs]

Luke: Lulu? Be safe, be smart.

Lulu: I will.

[Door opens and closes]

Sonny: Okay, come on. I'm taking you to the hospital. You could have a concussion --

Kate: Oh.

Sonny: Brain damage. Who knows what you got.

Kate: Okay, looking at that thing is more painful than actually running into it.

Sonny: Are you really that afraid to slip up?

Kate: Oh, you would just love it, wouldn't you? Let the whole world know the editor of "couture" magazine is really Connie Falconeri from Bensonhurst?

Sonny: It's your name, it's your background. If you're ashamed, that's fine.

Kate: I'm not ashamed.

Sonny: Okay. Listen to me. If you don't want to go to the hospital, I'm -- you're going to stay here tonight because I'm going to keep my eye on you.

Kate: Absolutely not!

Sonny: Yes. Come here -- look. Whoa, whoa --

Kate: Oh --

Sonny: Hey. You okay?

>> On the next "General Hospital" --

Patrick: I didn't need a child to feel fulfilled.

Kate: I'll stay, but I can't sleep in these clothes.

Sonny: Then take your clothes off.

Alexis: You have this big, exciting thing going on and you don't seem very happy about it.

Amelia: Everything

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