All My Children Transcript Friday 9/30/05

David: Fresh air has done me some good, even if you did drive like a madwoman. Maybe out here, away from the Chandler cesspool, you'll be able to see more clearly and realize that I didn't have much of a choice. I had to tell J.R. about your crazy plan to marry him.

Babe: You want to help me so badly? Give me one of your drugs.

David: I don't think there's anything in my lab that can help you.

Babe: I want the one that causes amnesia -- so I can forget who I am and how my mama raised me, and I can push you over this cliff and never, ever have to see you again!

Adam: Tell Lucretia I'll have breakfast at the usual time. And, Winifred, make sure the security system is on -- in case my wife sleepwalks past the family silver. Yeah, that'll be all.

Adam and Krystal: Get out of my room!

Adam: Your room?

Krystal: This is my room.

Adam: No, this is my room. Get out!

Krystal: I beg to differ.

Adam: I want you out! I want you out of this room.

J.R.: Stop you from falling in love? You got to be kidding me.

Kendall: Do I look like I'm laughing? I'm not laughing. You have to help me, J.R. You really have to help me. I can't do this. I can't open myself up to someone and then -- it's just going to come back and bite me in the butt.

J.R.: Well, you're not worried about my bite. Who's the lucky guy? Don't tell me you're falling for --

Kendall: No, don't -- don't say it, don't say it. I don't want to hear his name. Don't even say it.

J.R.: Well, it's got to be someone.

Kendall: Well, it can't be. It's -- it's completely insane. I mean, not that I'm the sanest person on the planet, but there's no way I'd be stupid enough to -- to fall for --

J.R.: Your husband? Zach Slater?

Kendall: No. Please, come on. I mean, who -- who is dumb enough to fall for a smug, self-centered jerk like Zach Slater?

Tad: Zach, go back to your slot machines. This is between Dixie and Alfred and me.

Zach: You didn't even know that letter existed.

Tad: I changed my mind. Go away.

Alfred: I think I'll leave you two to settle this without me.

Tad: No, it's been settled. You got to forget about him and give me the letter.

Zach: I don't think Alfred over here is going to cave to strong-arm tactics. We'll work something out.

Tad: Then by all means, allow me to buy you a drink for old times' sake, Fredo.

Zach: Curiosity's killing me. When did you realize that Dixie was lying to you?

[Di enters Garret's secret apartment and hugs him while Julia spies from the other room.]

Julia: Coward. Brought someone else in to do your dirty work.

Di: Let her go, Garret. Let me take Julia home.

Garret: I've been expecting you.

Di: Well, things look different. But the memories haven't changed. This is new. When you found me, I didn't know the difference between silver plate and sterling.

Garret: You were young.

Di: 17, so stupid.

Garret: Never stupid. Unenlightened.

Di: Uh-huh. But you changed that, didn't you? You showed me the world -- beautiful music, beautiful words, beautiful things.

Garret: Beautiful you. So much to learn, such a good student.

Di: The bedroom -- is Julia in there?

Garret: She's settling in, getting comfortable. You know, she's really charming, Julia -- all that fire, absolute devotion to her late husband. Admirable. And I'm surprised at you. I didn't think you'd take it this far, but you always did like to take chances.

Julia: I did it, Noah. I found him -- The Dragon. I wish you were here. I'll keep my promise. I'll finish him. Help me find the way.

Di: You said you'd take care of Julia. You said I could trust you. I hope you meant it. I hope you let Julia live.

Garret: I don't want to hurt Julia. Or anyone else.

Zach: I need to get that letter before someone gets hurt.

Tad: Whatever is in the letter, Dixie entrusted to me, not to you.

Zach: Dixie doesn't trust you. She's lied to you again and again. I'd like to see it now, please.

Tad: Well, then you'd better get set for disappointment, Zachary, because Alfred and I here go back -- way, way back. And if he's going to give that letter to anybody, it's going to be an old friend.

Alfred: Actually, Mr. Slater and his casino are very highly valued clients of our bank.

Tad: Unbelievable. Let's go over the concept one more time. Dixie told me you had the letter. She sent me here to get the letter from you, so you are going to give the letter to me.

Alfred: And I would love to help out, Tad, believe me I would, but there's been a misunderstanding.

Tad: What's it going to take, Alfred? A 20-year wedgie?

Alfred: Given those circumstances, I'd love to help you out, but, you see, it's just -- I'm afraid Dixie never gave me any such document.

Adam: Get out, and take that leg spackle with you.

Krystal: You know, you're not exactly a rookie in this marriage thing, sweet cheeks. You know how it works. Since the God-awful second that you trapped me into this marriage, I became co-owner of this house -- the rose garden, the garage, the orchard, all the way down to those sheets, your toothbrush, and this ugly hunk of junk.

Adam: Give me that, you idiot! Give me that. Now, get out before I throw you out.

Krystal: Oh. You try that, buster, and I will go for the whole enchilada.

Adam: Well, fortunately for me, I don't own an enchilada. All right. You got five seconds.

Krystal: You know how to get me out of this room, Adam. Divorce me. You know how to divorce me. Hand over your wallet, your bank account, and everything you own, starting with this bed!

Adam: Oh!

David: I love you, and I don't want to see you living in that mausoleum, trapped in some twisted marriage with Satan, Jr. It's bad enough that Krystal is mixing it up with Adam.

Babe: You don't have a clue! Don't you see that? Why don't you just leave us both alone!

David: Not until I'm convinced that you've stopped this craziness.

Babe: I know exactly what I'm doing.

David: J.R. has hurt you before, hasn't he? What's to stop him from hurting you again?

Babe: I can handle J.R. You're the one that's causing me all this grief.

David: Babe, Babe, you've convinced yourself that marriage is the only way to stick it to J.R. But what happens, God forbid, if you convince yourself that you're actually in love with that pathetic jerk?

Kendall: Please, J.R., you got to talk me down.

J.R.: Where is this coming from? Did Zach get you some extra special bling? He recited some bad poetry, didn't he? What, what, what was it?

Kendall: No, no, it's Greenlee. Greenlee. First she talks about me getting a divorce, and then she says how I'll be roadkill if Zach and I ever really got together.

J.R.: Do you want to get together with him?

Kendall: No. No, of course not. I mean, we have nothing in common. He's been a total jerk to his son. He -- he's responsible for half the bad things that have happened in this town. And he lurks. He's totally not my type.

J.R.: Well, then blow him off. Move on. And if you need a landing pad --

Kendall: Wait a minute. You're right. Of course, you're right. I mean, our marriage is just a business arrangement, that's it. The only reason I married him was because I don't like him. So how can you fall for someone that -- that you hate, someone who drives you nuts all the time? Hey! Hello? You, swami with all the answers, please pay attention here.

J.R.: Look, I'm listening!

Kendall: Well -- you can't fall for someone you hate, right?

J.R.: Yeah, no way. No way. If there was really such a thing as true love, it would be dead by morning. But hate -- that is to the bone. You just -- you can't shake it. You know, you might think that you feel something, like a spark or a flash. You got to ignore it. You got to -- you got to smack it down.

Kendall: Oh, my God.

J.R.: Hate, good. Love, bad. You just can't have both of them. You know? Is that what you wanted to hear?

Kendall: Oh, my God!

J.R.: What is with you?

Kendall: You are falling for Babe again.

Di: You love beauty more than anyone I've ever met in my life. You surround yourself with it. There's nothing beautiful in death or destroying someone's life.

Garret: Remember the opera? Remember how much you loved it? I remember the first time I took you to the Met you cried. "Madame Butterfly." Poor Cio-Cio-San, who killed herself for the love of a man she couldn't have. Exquisite.

Di: She had a choice. So do you. My letter is still out there. There's no beauty for anyone in that kind of pain.

Julia: Garret, Dragon -- whoever the hell you are -- let me out! Do you hear me? Let me out!

Di: Doesn't sound like she's settling in very well.

Garret: She's got passion. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the patience to understand me. If we'd only met a few years earlier, what a pleasure it would've been.

Di: My letter, Garret.

Garret: You know, no one -- no one loved you more that I did. No one understood you better. It's a shame we've come to this. I mean, you actually feel like you have to protect yourself from me with a letter? May I see it?

Di: Oh, wouldn't you be disappointed if I'd actually brought it?

Garret: Oh. My brightest student, my best. It's a sad day when the student leaves the teacher.

Di: The way I remember it, I didn't leave you. You made me go.

Garret: Taught you everything I could, and look at the woman you've become.

Di: Because of you. Because of the things you taught me, things I never would have known. Things that helped me get my life that I have now.

Garret: And keep it?

Di: Look at you -- on top of the world here. Nothing, nobody can touch you, the world you've created. I want us to all get our lives back, Garret -- you, me, and Julia.

Garret: Tell me about your new life, Dixie, and about your new love, Tad Martin.

Zach: Dixie wrote this letter so she could tell her story to the world. I will do just that. He's going to turn it to confetti.

Tad: He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. She sent me here to get the letter. He's only here because he's trawling, hoping to get lucky.

Zach: You give this letter to Tad, and Dixie will never forgive you.

Tad: You give the letter to Zach, I'll never forgive you.

Alfred: All right, stop, hold, cease, enough! I can't take it anymore. You win. I'll take you to Dixie’s letter.

J.R.: Chill out. I wasn't saying anything about Babe. I was just trying to agree with you. You cannot love somebody that you hate. All right? Ok? Fine? All better?

Kendall: No, no, no, not hardly. You got all weird just now when you started thinking things that I don't even want to know about, about someone who we absolutely despise. I mean, you do still hate her, right?

J.R.: More than ever! Yuck!

Kendall: "Yuck"? Right. Ok, until she wiggles her butt and licks her lips. Is that all it takes for you to forget about what she's done to you and to everyone? She's a -- she's a baby-napping, brother-stealing, smelly, skanky little slut.

J.R.: All right, I get it! I get it. I feel the same way about Babe that you feel about Zach. She can play nice all she wants. I don't care what she feels for me.

Kendall: Oh, God, no. Say it isn't so. Babe is after you again. She wants you back. Ugh! Oh, God, give me -- give me a wastepaper basket, so I can vomit in it, please.

J.R.: Listen, lighten up. I'm not interested.

Kendall: But you thought about it. I can't know you anymore. I can't know you anymore.

J.R.: No, no, I don't want Babe. I don't want Babe. But I can tell you what I do want.

[J.R. kisses Kendall]

Babe: No, no, I don't need you to try to save me from J.R. I've got my mama on my side.

David: Oh, oh, well, there's the picture of sanity.

Babe: Oh, no, don't you dare ever say one word about my mama! She has been by me between thick and thin and everywhere in the middle. She's the best friend I've ever had.

David: Parents aren't supposed to be best friends, Babe. They're not supposed to cheer their children on while they're crashing straight into a wall.

Babe: FYI -- Mama thought I was crazy, too. Until she saw she couldn't stop me from trying to win back J.R., so she decided to help.

David: Oh, how? How? By marrying Chandler, Sr.? Oh, that was brilliant.

Babe: Yeah, well, at least she's on the inside. Gives me a fighting chance until -- which I did have until you stuck your stupid face in it.

David: I had to stop the insanity before it went too far.

Babe: Please tell me exactly how I can make you go away for good.

David: You can't. You've tried to disown me how many times already?

Babe: A gazillion and counting?

David: Yeah, that's right, and I'm not going anywhere, Babe. I am your father, I am Little Adam’s grandfather, and I want what's best for both of you. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to do everything in my power to get what's best for both of you. And priority number one -- keep you away from the Chandlers.

Babe: You can't even begin to see past your ego. If I marry J.R., I get to be with my son. I get to see him first thing every morning and last thing every night.

David: And lose your soul doing it.

Babe: I would go to hell for my son six days a week and twice on Sunday if that's what it took, just like my mama's doing for me right this second.

Krystal: This bedroom is just the beginning. I'm going to rule it all. I'm not a guest this time. I am not an in-law. I am the lady of the house, and I want to be treated as such.

Adam: You are no lady.

Krystal: And you are no gentleman.

Adam: Hmm. Well, you're not the first shrew of a wife that I've had to deal with.

[Adam laughs]

Krystal: What are you going to do, gaslight me? Railroad me into the cracker barrel? Lock me in the west wing? I've got you so down, Adam, you might as well just start handing it all over. Starting with this.

Adam: Oh, Krystal, come on now. Let's not be hostile. Why don't we just settle this quietly? With no -- no lawyers, no offspring, just the two of us.

Krystal: You know my position.

Adam: Several of them.

Krystal: None of your lip, half of all your goodies, and I am nothing but a sweet memory.

Adam: Yeah, well, my lips are none of your business, and my goodies are staying right where they are.

Krystal: Ok. Have it your way.

Adam: What are you doing?

Krystal: Well, it's not like you haven't seen it before, even though you swear you don't remember.

Adam: I've forgotten every sordid instant of it. Oh, please! Have the decency to cover yourself.

Krystal: If you can't take the full glory, just leave.

Adam: I need a nightcap. Um -- when I get back, I expect to find you gone.

Krystal: Well, sweet dreams, sugar foot. I hope you get real comfy on the sofa or in my old guest room. The second you leave, I am locking that door.

Adam: Come to think of it, I have a very early morning.

Krystal: What -- what are you doing? What --

Adam: Hmm?

Krystal: What are you doing?

Adam: Ha-ha! Softest sheets in the house.

Krystal: You think you scare me?

Adam: Boo!

Julia: Every enemy has a weakness. I just have to find it.

Di: I'd rather not talk about Tad.

Garret: You used to share everything with me.

Di: Well, it's strange to talk about him here. It's another life.

Garret: Your half sister, Dixie’s, life. Most people settle for one life. You've been reborn twice -- once with me, now with Tad. How many more lives do you think you have left in you?

Di: I can't let you hurt Julia.

Garret: I want you to be happy, Di. A final gift, me to you -- walk away. Do not risk everything for a stranger. Give up the son who adores you, the grandson, the love of your current life, Tad Martin.

Di: I don't want to talk about him.

Garret: Does Martin's light shine on you, keep you warm? What if that light went out? What if Tad left you in the cold?

Tad: I got to tell you, Vanderpoole, you really had me going. Thank God reason carried the day. So, where the hell is this letter? What the hell are you doing here? I thought you said you could lose him.

Alfred: He ran every red light.

Tad: Well, you wasted your time. This is a private --

Zach: We've wasted enough time already.

Tad: You heard the man. Let's get it over with.

Alfred: I just want to point out that you are forcing me to go against my instincts and to break my vow, my word to one of the finest women I've ever known. I just hope it's worth it to you.

Tad: More than you'll ever know. Please?

Alfred: I'm so glad, because it's been more than worth it to me.

Tad: What the hell are you doing?

Alfred: It's called touché, Thaddeus -- game and set and match! Tad has been had!

[Alfred locks Tad and Zach up together.]

Alfred: Finally. Finally. At last, I have one-upped Tad Martin in the game of life! Yes!

Zach: Excuse me. I understand why you would do it to this guy. I completely get it. You sure you want to do this to me, jeopardize our business relationship?

Alfred: Oh, absolutely not. And may I say, sir, I am very impressed. Well-played. You certainly are a sport.

Tad: Vanderpoole, open this gate, or I swear I'm going to turn you into mulch.

Alfred: The gate will open at 8:30 tomorrow morning. Now, fear not. That area is climate-controlled, and I have left you water and snacks. I assume you still enjoy those candy bars?

Tad: Alfred, open the gate.

Alfred: Gee, Tad, love to. Can't. Hands tied.

Tad: Does it look like I'm playing a game? Lives are at stake here.

Alfred: That is exactly what a little bird told me you would say.

Zach: Yeah, what kind of bird? Was it a blond one, blue eyes?

Alfred: You are very good at this game, sir. Kudos to you. I cannot tell you how honored I was when Dixie invited me to participate in one of your renowned games of one-upmanship.

Tad: Does it look like I'm playing?

Alfred: All the times you bested me, cheated me, made me look like a fool. All those times with Liza, how you embarrassed me, stealing her from me again and again. Well, it's my turn now, my day, Tad, all thanks to the glorious Miss Dixie.

Tad: If you don't open this gate, I'm going to make you sorrier than you've ever been in your entire life, and that's saying a lot.

Alfred: Till the morning, Thaddeus.

Tad: Don't even say her name.

Di: Tad isn't any threat to you.

Garret: He went to Thailand to grill our friend Kevin.

Di: Yeah, but he didn't find out anything. He can't touch you, I made sure of it. I know him almost as well as I know you, and I've arranged for his curiosity to get the better of him. I've used the letter he wants so much as bait, and he went for it.

Garret: He won't see it.

Di: No one will see it, because you're going to let me walk away -- with Julia.

Garret: I love that you remembered to show your confidence the way I taught you. But you're missing one crucial point. You have every reason to keep my secret -- because of our bond, because you have something to lose. But Julia -- she has nothing to lose. There's no love, no understanding.

Di: She has had her world ripped away from her.

Garret: Julia came after me, hunted me. I give her freedom, she either goes to the authorities, or she comes back after me with a gun. I can't take that risk. I'm going to defend myself. Unless you see another way?

[Julia removes a wooden chair leg and holds it up, examining it closely.]

Julia: Not sharp enough.

Babe: I am out of options here, David. I have tried everything. I want Little A, I need him, and he needs me. I have -- I have begged and I've pleaded. I've sneaked in, I've gone to Dixie, but she couldn't help. I came to you. You could've helped me but you didn't. You know Dixie’s secret and you won't tell me what it is. I did what I could, David. I -- I didn't have a choice.

David: So you threw yourself at J.R.? That wasn't the answer, Babe.

Babe: 156 hours a year, David. That is how much time I get with my son. Not even a full week. How many kisses and smiles have I lost? How many precious minutes will I miss out on? More love that my son won't have, my love, because you had to be right, because you had to keep your secret so you could drop it like a bomb when you want, when you choose, and I don't even care what your secret is anymore! It's -- it's probably squat anyway.

David: I never meant to make things worse for you. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore.

Babe: Hurt, David? Come on! I can't kill you, because I don't have it in me! But if you cost me my son by messing up my chances with J.R., you'll have killed me.

Kendall: As much as I would love to help you realize whether or not you're pulling for Babe, I'm sorry. It ain't going to happen.

J.R.: Why not? Because of Slater?

Kendall: No. No, I -- I have plenty of reasons, lots of reasons, and every single one of them good.

J.R.: Oh, oh, I'm sure you do, and you're making them all up as you go along.

Kendall: For you.

J.R.: Is this a joke?

Kendall: You wanted it, you got it. Chandler Enterprises is back where it belongs -- with you and your father.

J.R.: This company was built from the ground up. I thought when Michael Cambias stole it, we'd lost it for good.

Kendall: I let you down once.

J.R.: You can't help it that Zach never took over Cambias Industries. You can't seduce a company from a man who doesn't own it. Don't tell me you had to suck up to your ex?

Kendall: No, no, I didn't have to see Ethan. I worked on Bianca, and she worked her magic.

J.R.: Thank you. You know, this is not only about profits and productivity charts. This company is my father's blood. It's my legacy, it's my son's. You've given us back our name.

Krystal: "Mrs. Adam Chandler." "Mrs. Krystal Carey Chandler." Oh, I think I better order up my specially monogrammed, extra-embossed stationary tomorrow. "KCC" -- hmm. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Oh, speaking of rings --

Adam: All right, enough of the stall tactics. You better run along, little red, before the big bad wolf devours you.

Krystal: Huff and puff all you want, you don't scare me. As a matter of fact, I think I'm going to turn in. It's been a long, long day.

[When Krystal hops in bed next to Adam, he eyes her body.]

Krystal: You wish.

Adam: I'd rather have a heart attack. Good night, Mrs. Chandler.

[Julia holds up the finely-sharpened wooden chair leg.]

Julia: The Dragon has a weak spot. Find it. Don't miss.

Tad: No signal. Perfect.

Zach: The love of your life -- past, present, future -- lied to you like you're just some jerk in the street.

Tad: God, I hope you choke on that thing.

Zach: She lied to you, lied to me, lied to Julia. Where do you think Julia is right now? Hmm? Out there on her own, she's probably fine. Unless, of course, the guy that Dixie’s protecting went after her. So what do you think? You think alive or dead? Alive or dead? You are such an idiot. You thought that love could conquer all. Now you have your answer.

[Tad recalls a previous conversation.]

Di: I've told a lot of lies since I've been back to Pine Valley. And I withheld a lot from you. But you have to know, despite it all, I -- I love you, Tad. I really, truly love you.

Tad: See, there you go, acting like it's -- you're doing it again like this is a done deal, like everything is going to end the minute I open this stupid letter.

Di: It could.

Tad: Dixie.

Di: I'm your best student, remember? I can get through to her. I can convince her to walk away, forget all this -- your name, your face.

Garret: Still young enough to hope. Come on.

Di: Oh, can -- can I go in alone? It just might be easier.

Garret: As you wish.

[As soon as Garret opens the bedroom door, Julia comes at him with the wooden stake, screaming, but he quickly overpowers her and seizes her weapon.]

J.R.: I owe you forever. Whatever you need, I'm there.

Kendall: No matter what?

J.R.: Whatever you need, whenever you need it, always.

Kendall: I might take you up on that someday.

J.R.: Yeah, you better.

Kendall: It might be sooner than later.

J.R.: Let's hope so.

Kendall: So, from now on, we just work on saving each other from love and lust and all the crazy things it makes us do.

J.R.: Yeah.

Adam looks at Krystal exasperated, while she coyly smiles.]

Babe: I have nothing left to say to you. Please, please, please, just -- just get out of my life and stay out. You see me walking down the sidewalk, cross the street. And you see me at a restaurant, eat somewhere else. I'm in Pine Valley, try Timbuktu. I want nothing more to do with you.

David: She's not Dixie. She was born Di Henry. She's Dixie’s half sister.

Tad: You don't understand, she did this for a reason. She put me in lockdown to take me out of commission. And if she went to this extreme to get me out of the way --

Zach: You don't think that Julia is the only one in danger tonight.

Garret: As I said, this one burns very hot.

Julia: Shut up. You're kidding me.

Di: No, Julia --

Garret: You know what? I'm going to let you two talk. I've got an appointment. You got the place to yourselves. All your favorite things are in the refrigerator.

Di: Thank you.

Garret: Good luck.

Julia: Who the hell are you?

Di: Julia --

Julia: I trusted you!

Di: Julia --

Julia: Tad trusted you! You've been in on this all along?

Di: Settle down.

Julia: Are you in on this with The Dragon? Are you, you bitch? I should kill you!

Di: Shut up! Shut up. Shut up, Julia. Shh. Or you're going to get us both killed.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Krystal: Oh!

Adam: No, no, no, not again!

Erica (to Josh): I need you to help me find out if my daughter is gay.

Zach (to Tad): Dixie gave her heart to The Dragon. How's that make you feel?

Di (to Julia): I'm the only thing between you and an unmarked grave.