All My Children Transcript Wednesday 3/23/05

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Kendall: Happy birthday, my little Miranda. Now, you wear that Fusion T-shirt auntie Kendall gave you with pride, yes. You show all those little French babies where you get your fashion sense. Hi. Ok, I got to go. I love you. Bye, Binks. Bye, Miranda.

Ethan: Bye, girls.

Kendall: Oh. How awesome are you.

Ethan: Oh, I don't know. Not terribly awesome.

Kendall: Au contraire.

Ethan: Au contraire, huh? You get the phone to France for two minutes, you think you're bilingual?

Kendall: Yes. But, no, I mean it, Ethan. You -- you're the best. This video chat with the girls is exactly what I needed. Thank you for making it happen.

Ethan: You're welcome. And it is just because I -- I want the best for you.

Kendall: Hmm.

Ethan: What?

Kendall: You. Yes, you're thoughtful and you're romantic and you're caring, and I don't know how my mother could ever think different.

Ethan: Come here. Don't let Erica's warped opinion of me get to you, ok? Blame my father. He's duped her into believing that he didn't kill Edmund.

Kendall: No, I don't think so anymore.

[Babe hums]

Paul's voice: The helicopter went down, all right? Your baby's incubator was thrown out in the crash!

Babe's voice: I'll get him!

Paul's voice: No, no!

Babe's voice: Just tell me where it is!

Paul's voice: No, Babe, listen to me! Look at me, ok? Your baby's incubator went in the river, all right? I'm sorry! Your baby's gone!

Winifred: Oh, Miss Babe. Thank God you're here.

Babe: Wini, what's wrong?

Winifred: Oh, the baby --

Babe: No, no -- my son -- where is he?

Winifred: They took him to the hospital.

Babe: Oh, my God.

J.R.: Excuse me. My son needs a doctor right away.

Doctor: What happened?

J.R.: I don't know. I just know that he needs some help.

Doctor: Follow me.

Palmer: Only the best care for my great-nephew or you'll answer to me.

J.R.: Don't worry, Uncle Palmer. Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be ok.

Ethan: Come on, Kendall. You know how convincing my father can be. He had the entire town convinced that I wasn't his son. I mean, he could hose Erica without even half trying.

Kendall: I could bore you silly with a list of my mother's character defects, but stupidity is not one of them. Now, if she believes Zach’s lied, it's only because she can't stand you.

Ethan: Yeah, I mean, she's not exactly Zach’s biggest fan, either.

Kendall: Yeah, but who does she have ammo against right now? Zach says that he didn't do it, and then you end up looking like a big fat liar. Suddenly, everyone in town thinks you're capable of breaking her daughter's heart, and you know she's hated you from the get-go.

Ethan: Yeah. She's certainly not shy about sharing her opinions.

Kendall: Well, I'm not going to let your rotten father take all the blame for trying to make you look bad. My rotten mother was a willing co-conspirator.

Ethan: So we're both the spawn of horrific parents? Lovely.

Kendall: Actually, I'm kind of psyched we have that in common, because now we don't have to explain ourselves to each other. We can just focus on each other and forget about them.

Ethan: Really?

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Ethan: So I guess you wouldn't mind if I -- I did a little more of this?

Kendall: Oh, that? No, no, bring that on. I like that. Ok. All right, later. Right now we, my darling, have a fantastic morning planned. We do.

Ethan: Kendall, you know, together, nobody can come between us. Come on.

Maria: No, you don't even have a passport. How are you getting out of the country?

Maddie: Dad took me and Sam to Spain while you were off in the desert being Maureen with your boyfriend, the murderer, so, yeah, I do have a passport.

Maria: You know what, miss? You're not going to speak to me that way anymore. I'm your mother and you're not going anywhere, and you're not going anywhere, either. You're both staying right here.

Sam: Maybe if we respected you we'd listen to you. Ready to roll?

Maddie: Yeah, let's get out of here forever.

Maria: You're way too young to be making any kind of decision like this. First of all, you don't have any money, and second of all, you're not even going to get on the airplane because I'm going to call the airport.

Maddie: We'll tell our side. Someone will take pity on us and save us from you!

Myrtle: Pipe down, you two! And sit down! I said sit! Go on.

Tad: Here, doll, see what you think of this coffee. Anita's got Aidan swearing by it, but I'm not sure.

Simone: I don't want coffee.

Tad: No, well, you should try it, because lord knows Anita would be the expert, you know, the medical professional and everything. I mean, Dad's been through his fair share of caffeine. I'm sure his stomach looks like a French press.

Simone: Listen, this is bigger than a cup of coffee --

Tad: Simone, stop, ok?

Simone: My cravings for it.

Tad: Just stop for a second.

Simone: No, you don't even know what I'm here for.

Tad: Yeah, I do, I do.

Simone: I badly need --

Tad: And you know what? Look, you know that I think you're hot with a capital "Ho," you know, but when it comes to romance, it just never works out between the two -- what's so funny?

Simone: That is just great.

Tad: What's so funny?

Simone: You -- you think that I'm here for your manhood?

Tad: Well, for a second, my manhood did, yeah. Well, don't look at me like I'm on medication. It's not the first time it's happened.

Simone: No, you're right, you're absolutely right, but the truth has set me free, and I am not here to get into your pants. I'm here to get into your skull. You are a master detective, and I need your PI skills.

Tad: Oh. Well, then, I guess you really are out of luck. You haven't heard. They confiscated my magnifying glass and my secret decoder ring when J.R. had my license pulled.

Simone: What?

Tad: Yeah. What the hell, I'm not above a little friendly advice. What's your mystery?

Simone: Jonathan Lavery. We need to crack that nut case, all right? I tried to get the truth out of him about poisoning Greenlee, and I hit a brick wall.

Tad: I'm not surprised. He didn't.

Simone: He didn't what?

Tad: Poison Greenlee.

Simone: How do you know?

Tad: How do you not? It was Ryan's other brother.

Simone: There's another Lavery?

Tad: Yeah, Braden.

Simone: Is he just as hot? I mean, Braden, this guy -- did they arrest him?

Tad: Not yet. But it's just a matter of time. It's a really tight case. They've even got his fingerprints all over the bomb.

Simone: There's a bomb?

Tad: Never mind. Look, the fact is that Ryan's out there right now trying to draw Braden out.

Simone: Well, he can't. You have to stop him. What about Greenlee?

Tad: What about Greenlee? Greenlee's the point of this thing.

Simone: You know, if anything happens to Ryan -- Tad, you have to stop him.

Tad: Why should I?

Simone: One word -- Leo.

Greenlee: Why can't you just let Kendall be happy, Erica?

Erica: I want Kendall to be happy. The sooner we get Ethan out of the picture, the sooner that can happen.

Greenlee: When I think back to the beginning of my marriage and all the people who didn't think that we belonged together -- no, they knew what was best for us. The only all that meddling did was rob us of precious time together.

Erica: Greenlee, I know that you're very worried about Ryan. I am, too, believe me. But this situation with Kendall, this is something entirely different.

Jack: Sweetheart, Zach knows that you have got it in for Ethan. Don't you think it's possible he just might have manipulated --

Erica: Do you think that I would be so easily swayed?

Jack: No. But I wish you were, because if Zach didn't kill Edmund, that means the killer's still out there and both my daughters are in jeopardy -- Lily because she witnessed the murder, and Greenlee there because she --

Erica: Exactly.

Greenlee: You can say it. For marrying Ryan, because if Zach didn't do it, Braden did. That means he not only shot Ryan at the murder game, poisoned me with an antipsychotic, but he beat Edmund to death.

Jack: My God, I'm afraid you might be right.

Erica: How do we prove it?

Reggie: That part's easy. Lily knows the truth.

Babe: My baby. Ma'am, my baby's here.

David: Babe, Babe. What's going on?

Babe: It's James -- I mean, little Adam. He's here. What's wrong with my son?

David: He's a little boy. He goes by the name of Adam Chandler, III.

Babe: He just turned 1 today.

David: He probably came in with his father, Adam Chandler, Jr.

Babe: J.R.

Doctor: Lo, Hayward --

David: Come on, you've been here all day, Delano. I'm sure you must have seen something.

Dr. Delano: You know I'm not in the position to discuss the condition of my patients, so --

Babe: I'm his mother.

David: She has every right to know how her own son is doing.

Babe: Ok, look, I have three hours of visitation with him today, and I'd like to use that time with him when he needs me the most.

Dr. Delano: I wish I could help you, Ms. Carey. I'm sorry.

Babe: Can you at least tell me if he's going to be ok.

David: Wait a minute. Come on, man. I saved your backside a year ago when you misdiagnosed that teenager. You remember that?

Dr. Delano: Yeah, you can't stop reminding me of it, either.

David: Yeah, well, I would think you owe me at least this one.

Dr. Delano: Sorry! The Chandler boy's under my care, and I can't discuss his condition.

David: What is this crap?

Babe: Look, if you're not going to tell me how he is, how about you point me in the direction to where he is?

Dr. Delano: You're going to have to keep your voice down.

Babe: The heck I will! Tell me where my son is!

Guard: Everything all right here, Doc?

Dr. Delano: No, it's not. Could you please escort these people from the ER? They're causing a scene and interfering with the care of my patient.

Babe: I swear to you, if anything happens to my son, I will wreck your world!

David: All right, take it easy, all right? I do work here, you know.

Guard: Find somewhere else to mop, buddy.

David: Come on.

Babe: How can they even get away with something like this?

David: Pretty much the same way the Chandlers get away with every crummy thing they do in this town. All right, look, just go home. I will figure something out, I promise.

Babe: No way. They have my son. I'm not going anywhere.

Greenlee: Can't we get a straight answer out of Lily without putting her through the wringer? I say leave her out of it. We've got enough to worry about.

Jack: Sweetheart, there's one thing you don't have to worry about -- Ryan. Ryan will be coming back.

Erica: Yes, of course he will. Really, we just have to hold positive thoughts.

Reggie: Yeah, I know you all like to talk things to death to get your protein, but how about we nail a couple of facts down, talk to the girl who was there when Edmund got killed.

Jack: We don't know exactly what Lily saw. She said that she didn't see Edmund get hit.

Erica: But she was also very confused by the tabloid headline that announced that Zach did kill Edmund. Lily knows he didn't do it. Even Aidan says that he might have missed something in the translation.

Reggie: Come on, J, we're her family. If she's ever going to lay it out how it went down that night, it should be with us.

Jack: Morning, Lily.

Erica and Reggie: Hey, Lily.

Greenlee: Hi, Lily.

Lily: Good morning, Daddy, Reggie, Erica. You're never here for breakfast.

Greenlee: Well, I'm staying upstairs for a little while. Dad's taking care of me.

Lily: I thought Ryan did that.

Erica: Oh, honey, Ryan's gone away.

Lily: Gone? Like Edmund Grey is gone?

Simone: Just the thought of it kills me. I mean, Greenlee lost the love of her life, the one true love when Leo died. And then she has the comeback of a century in finding true love of her life number two. I mean, what woman ever has the privilege of finding two perfections like that -- twice?

Tad: Especially since there's so little of me to go around?

Simone: I'm serious, Tad. All right, we have to do whatever it takes to protect Ryan.

Tad: We are, honey. Aidan and I are killing ourselves trying to protect Ryan to get to the bottom of this thing. What about you? Why are you involved? Why you pushing so hard?

Simone: Greenlee is my best friend in the whole wide world. Who are we kidding? She's my only friend in the world. Women don't generally like me.

Tad: No, because men generally do.

Simone: Well, I somehow have this way of attracting their boyfriends, I think.

Tad: The stark way of putting it. Doesn't answer my question. Why are you pushing so hard?

Simone: Is there such a thing as private eye-client privilege?

Tad: I think that's where the "private" comes from.

Simone: Ok, good, because I have a huge secret.

Babe: I smell a rat.

David: Adam is much worse than a rat. He's a bloodsucking tick on a rat.

Babe: Well, I say we follow him.

David: And I say we're in agreement. Come on.

Babe: What is going on? What is in there?

David: It's the hospital boardroom.

Babe: What does it have to do with my baby?

All: For he's a jolly good baby for he's a jolly good baby for he's a jolly --

Babe: The only thing keeping me from kicking the living crud out of every last one of you is my baby.

Myrtle: Sit, you two. Maria, am I putting my nose in where it doesn't belong?

Maria: No, not at all. I'm so glad you came when you did. I was not getting anywhere.

Myrtle: Darling, I'm glad I could help, but that's not why I came. Listen, there's something I have to tell you, and it's very important.

Maria: Ok, can it wait just a little bit, please? I just want to finish this up with the kids.

Myrtle: Ok.

Maria: Um -- kids? Hello?

Anita: Come on, you heard your mom.

Myrtle: Come on.

Maria: Sam? God. God, sometimes you guys make me so mad, I could scream.

Sam: The feeling's mutual.

Maria: Ok, well, then we're on the same page, aren't we?

Maddie: Hardly.

Maria: You know, we can be furious at each other and still love each other at the same time. Yes, we can. Now, I understand that you're furious at me for what I've done. And believe me, I know and am well aware of every wrong move I have made, and I'm never going to forgive myself for bringing Zach Slater into our lives. So I was completely blinded and I was not thinking straight, but that's not a capital crime.

Sam: It was for Dad.

Erica: No, no, honey, no. Ryan's not gone like that. He's just gone away for a little while.

Lily: Gone like on vacation?

Greenlee: Not exactly.

Lily: Then why is he away?

Reggie: He's looking for the man who killed Edmund.

Lily: Can you hear the cereal crackling?

Greenlee: I can. Probably not as well as you.

Erica: I can, Lily.

Lily: It's loud today.

Jack: Yeah.

Reggie: Hey, Lily, can I ask you a question? When you were at Wildwind, before the barn burned down, did you remember seeing the man in the wheelchair getting hit?

Lily: No. Can you hear me crunching, Dad?

Jack: A little bit, yeah. Honey, the man in the wheelchair -- did you -- did you not see him get hit?

Lily: The man wasn't in the wheelchair.

Jack: You mean he got knocked out of the wheelchair when he got hit?

Lily: No. Someone changed the setting to dark. I only like it medium dark.

Greenlee: Guilty as charged. Sorry.

Erica: Lily, you haven't finished your cereal.

Lily: Yes, I did. I had 650 kernels of crispy rice. The rest is just extra.

Greenlee: Cool. I wish I could count my cereal.

Lily: It's not so hard. The man in the wheelchair got out of the wheelchair by himself.

Jack: What are you saying? That the man in the wheelchair tried to stand?

Lily: He did stand. And then he walked like this.

Erica: Lily, can you tell me, is this the man you saw strike the man who stood and walked out of his wheelchair?

Lily: No, not him. Dad, is it ok if I eat some of this butter?

Jack: Yeah. Sure, honey. Please, go right ahead.

Erica: Lily, if this isn't the man who struck this man in the head, then did you see who it was?

Lily: I'm not on the case.

Greenlee: Well, that's ok. You can help the people who are.

Lily: I can't be a detective with Aidan anymore because he doesn't want me to be his partner. I'm not on the case. Why are you doing this to me? You know Aidan doesn't like me as a girlfriend anymore. I'm not on the case. I don't want to ever talk about this case ever again.

Erica: Lily, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean --

Lily: I have to go. I just want to go to school and do my Trigonometry. Bye, Daddy, Erica, Reggie, Greenlee.

Reggie: No, Lily, I'm going to walk with you, ok? Dad, I’ll --

Jack: Yeah, please. Well, thank God Aidan’s men are out there and Reggie’s with her. She'll be all right.

Erica: I'm so sorry, Jack. I never meant to push so hard like that.

Jack: I know, I know.

Greenlee: She had to have made that up about Edmund walking, right? I mean, she must have imagined it.

Jack: No, no. Look, Lily cannot even speak about things she hasn't seen. She can't even tell a white lie, a little fib.

Erica: Which means that either Edmund underwent a miracle before he was killed or he was lying to all of us.

Maria: Yes, we are here, having just laid your father to rest, because of my mistakes. I could not have been more wrong. And your father was a hero. He -- you know, he did something before he died that proved to me that he was the strongest man I have ever known.

Maddie: What'd he do?

Maria: He forgave me. Now, I don't know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself, and I certainly don't expect you kids to forgive me right away. But guess what -- your mom's a human being. I make mistakes. And here's a big shock -- I'll probably make a few more in the years to come, hopefully never as big as this, but if I had the ability to see into the future, I would never have taken the steps that I took that led us to this place. Now, I -- it's important to me that you guys know that your dad was completely blameless and that you only have good memories of him.

Anita: I don't think that'll be too difficult. Right, guys?

Sam: Not for me.

Maddie: Me, either.

Maria: Good. Good, good, because we're going to need to stick together now as a family. We're going to really need each other to get through this, because it's going to be difficult and it's going to be painful. And if we stick together, we're going to get through it and we're going to be a lot stronger. We're going to be the family that I know your dad wants us to be.

Sam: How do you know that Dad wouldn't want us to get as far away from here as possible?

Maria: Because despite everything your dad and I really loved each other. So -- ahem -- neither of you are going anywhere. I'm still your guardian, and I'm not going to allow you to go. So I want you to get your suitcases and take them back upstairs, because I'm still your mom and this is still your home and we are going to do this as a family.

Maria: Oh, my God. That went well, right?

Anita: I am so proud of you. I don't know any mom that could have done what you did today.

Myrtle: Neither do I. But, darling, you can't take on all the guilt.

Maria: Yes, I can, and I should.

Myrtle: No, listen, hear me out, Maria.

Maria: No, you know what? It's getting late. I've got an appointment to go over Edmund's will, so can you stay with the kids for me, please?

Anita: Oh, absolutely.

Maria: Ok. And we'll talk later.

Simone: So Ryan, Kendall, Greenlee -- how long have they known that Jonathan didn't poison Greenlee and this Braden guy was the one?

Tad: For a while.

Simone: That's great, and no one even said a word.

Tad: Oh, come on. You can't get upset over that oversight. It's not like they haven't been stressed out lately.

Simone: Oh, please, it wasn't an oversight. It wasn't even a thought. I wasn't even a blip on the radar screen.

Tad: Simone, let me get this straight. Your big secret, the reason you're here, is because your friends don't tell you their secrets?

Simone: Do you have any idea what it's like to be me?

Tad: No, but it's a hell of a thought.

Simone: People think I'm a joke, Tad.

Tad: No, they don't.

Simone: Yeah, they do. But I'm a really good friend. Just people in this town haven't bothered to notice. They see me as this goofy sidekick with cleavage with this world record of failed romances. But I am not a bubble-head. Yeah, ok, fine, I know that's how I come off, but do you ever think that maybe that's how I protect myself? I know I can make a difference. I can squeeze the truth out of Jonathan.

Tad: No, you can't.

Simone: I know I can!

Tad: Stay away from Jonathan. He's not Braden, but he's still bad news.

Simone: But, Tad, I can help here.

Tad: Simone, did you ever stop to think that the people who care about you don't tell you things because they care about you? Your friends love you. As a card-carrying member of the club, I take you very seriously, and I will do anything you ask, but not if it means risking your life.

[Phone rings]

Tad: Hey, hang on just a sec. This is important.

Simone: Well --

Tad: Where have you been? No, I've just been -- no, that's fine. No, that -- no, no, no, you stay there. I'll meet you, ok? Look, Simone, I have to go. This is really, really important, but I promise you that we'll pick this up later, right?

Simone: Right.

David: There is absolutely nothing wrong with this little boy. It's just another Chandler scam to keep you away from your son.

Babe: No. Are you serious? You must be really proud of yourself, making the system work for you again. But your luck has run out. I'm calling the judge and I'm filing a report of how you tried to cheat me.

J.R.: Daddy the janitor's wrong. Our son's trip to the ER room was completely necessary.

David: Oh, yeah, sure, it was. Otherwise, how else could you throw this underground monster mash?

J.R.: I brought little Adam to the ER because he was crying nonstop. He had a slight fever.

David: He's teething.

J.R.: Well, I guess I wouldn't recognize a different cry since I've been deprived of my son for months.

Kendall: Babe, of course, has had lots of practice with my niece.

Babe: You know, it's just amazing how you remembered to grab the balloons and the cake on your mad dash to the ER.

Kendall: Oh, that was me.

Ethan: Yeah, and I picked up the cake.

Palmer: I can attest that this party was thrown together at the last minute.

J.R.: You know what? It's ok, everyone, because I know what Babe's going through. I'm so sorry that you were scared. I know what it feels like to not know where my son is or what's happening to him. I felt the same way when you and that loser brother of mine stole little Adam.

David: Just give me a pair of brass knuckles and 10 minutes alone with Junior, I’ll make everything all right.

Adam: Easy, Hayward.

J.R.: Oh, tsk, tsk, David. It's threats like that that'll get you taken off of janitorial duty and put behind bars with Babe's mama. Now, I'm going to ask you and your skank of a daughter to remove themselves immediately from this room. See, family court orders stipulates that Babe's three hours of visitation is conditional upon the baby's being in top health. And I've already been generous enough to give you this much time.

Babe: There is nothing wrong with this child and you know it.

J.R.: Maybe you didn't hear me. I am through being nice. Now, you either leave or I will have you arrested.

Babe: You dirty --

Ethan: Hey, hey, hey, young lady, you watch your language. There's a baby here.

Babe: My language? The only thing spewing from J.R. is filth and garbage.

J.R.: You'd better watch yourself, Mommy. Attack Daddy in front of the boy, you're not going to earn yourself much more visitation time, now, are you?

David: Well, there's nothing to stop me from wrapping my hands around your neck.

Adam: Relax, Hayward.

Palmer: Security, we have a problem here.

Joe: Put that phone down, Palmer.

J.R.: No, you know what? The only problem here is Babe disobeying a court order.

Joe: The only innocent person in this whole room is that little baby. Now, I just talked with Dr. Delano. I will not have my staff or my hospital manipulated like this, not by anybody.

Ethan: It's funny you're so concerned with that, Dr. Martin. Where were you when my cousin Miranda’s DNA was being manipulated right here in this hospital?

Joe: I'm not here to debate the past, Mr. Cambias. I'm here to see to it that this feud is moved out of my hospital. Oh, yes, and to see to it that no mother is arrested because she's trying to secure her three hours of legal time with her own child.

Babe: Thank you.

Kendall: Since when did you become a member of Babe the baby snatcher's fan club?

Joe: I'm not fan of Babe or of her father, but, J.R., I'm telling you, I'll make a noise that'll go all the way up to family court if you don't give this woman her time with her baby -- starting now!

Erica: So Miranda got all my presents? What do you mean, too much? Well, I'm going to have the biggest present of all under my arm when I arrive for my visit. Oh, so she's a little spoiled. What Kane isn't?

Greenlee: You can say that again.

Erica: Oh, ok, sweetheart. Ok. Give Miranda kisses for me.

Jack: Send her my love.

Greenlee: Mine, too.

Erica: And great big birthday hugs and kisses from Uncle Jack and from Greenlee, too. Ok, honey. I love you. Well, it turns out that the reason her line was busy earlier is because she was on a video call with Kendall.

Jack: My, my, how very high tech.

Erica: And Ethan.

Greenlee: Jeez.

Erica: Yes, I couldn't have said it better.

Greenlee: Kendall could be shacking up with the world's biggest liar.

Erica: And not only is this vicious liar Kendall's lover, he's also Bianca and Miranda’s business partner. And if he would send his father to prison for life, what else is he capable of? I mean, what if Ethan decides that he wants the rest of Cambias?

Greenlee: He won't hurt Bianca or Miranda, will he?

Jack: No, he will not, because we won't let him.

Erica: What is it, Jack?

Jack: Could Edmund have really been walking?

Erica: Or just pretending that he couldn't?

Jack: Oh, come on, why -- why the hell would he do a thing like that?

Greenlee: So you believe Lily over Ethan?

Jack: I don't know what I believe, but I'm going to go talk to Ethan.

Greenlee: Well, you're not going anywhere without me.

Erica: Or me.

Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute now. Kendall may be there, and if she is, you could just make things more difficult.

Erica: Yeah, damn right I will.

Jack: Look, we're going over to get some answers to our questions, not to beat Ethan to a pulp.

Greenlee: Let Kendall angry at me. I'm used to it.

Erica: All right. But just make sure you let your father do the talking, because this requires a scalpel, not a chain saw.

Greenlee: I always carry both just in case.

David: I'll be around if you need anything, all right?

Babe: We'll be fine. Won't we, my handsome? Yes, we will.

J.R.: Don't get any ideas.

Babe: What is that supposed to mean?

J.R.: Jumping out of windows, scaling walls, a getaway in Hayward’s rat mobile.

Adam: I don't think Babe intends to steal the child, J.R.

J.R.: Well, forgive me if I'm a little paranoid, but miss sticky finger's track record doesn't ease my conscience.

Babe: The woman from DCFS will be here any minute to supervise.

J.R.: And I will be right outside.

Adam: Are you really going to be waiting here for the next three hours?

J.R.: If you think I trust Babe, you've lost your mind.

Adam: All right. I'll see you at home.

David: Not so fast, Benedict Arnold. The bulging veins in my neck probably give this away, but just for the record, our deal is off.

Adam: Oh, I had no idea this was going to happen.

David: You take me for a fool, Adam?

Adam: I'm telling you the truth. J.R. and Palmer put this thing together. By the time I found out what was happening, it was too late.

David: One more screw-up and J.R. finds out everything. And how do you think he's going to react, huh, Adam? Daddy dearest, ready to let his precious Adam take a back seat to the safe return of Colby? Something tells me that's not going to go over so well, Grandpa.

[Knock on door]

Erica: Maria. I'm so surprised. Jack and I were just talking about you.

Maria: Well, he asked me to come over and go over Edmund's will.

Erica: Oh, I'm sorry. Jack just had to step out for a meeting, an important meeting. It's a family matter.

Maria: Well, could you leave him a message, then, that I came by without turning it into some outrageous lie?

Erica: Look, I don't know why you insist on leaving. You could just come in and wait for him. I'm sure he'll be home any minute.

Maria: No, I would rather not spend one more second with you. What, are you insane?

Erica: You know, I really didn't mean to upset you after the funeral. I didn't even know why you were upset with me. Of course, it -- it certainly makes sense now.

Maria: What does? What makes sense?

Erica: Why you were so hostile. I know the truth now. And it must have been awful for you to have finally learned that your husband could walk after all.

Kendall: Hey, look, we have company. At least this time they didn't break in.

Ethan: Greenlee, Jack.

Jack: We'd like a word with Ethan.

Ethan: Is there a problem?

Greenlee: There is, you lying son of a bitch!

Ethan: Ooh. Hey.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Sam: I came to see the man who killed my father.

Maria: I could smack that smug look right off your face.

Erica: Well, I'd like to see you try.

Simone: You're still jealous. Do you still hate Greenlee?

Ryan: All right, Braden. I'm home.

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