All My Children Transcript Thursday 9/23/04

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Greenlee: Pitching arm needs work.

Ryan: You got to get me out of here.

Greenlee: Well, I'd sneak you out of here. There's no room in my purse.

Ryan: Come on, Greenlee, just slap some new clothes on me and I'm as good as new.

Greenlee: The doctor said three more days, minimum. Get used to it.

Ryan: I know my body. Ok? I'm -- I'm, like, perfectly healed, ok? I want out.

Greenlee: Tell you what. I'll sneak you out of here if you can past my test.

Ryan: Well, bring it on.

Danielle: But could have gone here. I mean, it's in the area Lily marked off.

Reggie: No, Danielle, that's the library. I doubt it. Maybe they went this way, you know? Ended up at a carnival.

Danielle: Maybe we should check it out. I love roller coasters.

Reggie: Yeah, so do I.

Derek: Ahem.

Danielle: Oh -- keep your hands where I can see them. Reggie, call 911. We need the fashion police.

Derek: All right, go ahead, make fun. But no police. It's my day off. All I want is a cold beer and my boat.

Reggie: Wait a minute -- you have a boat?

Derek: Technically, it's a schooner. The blue nose. First and the fastest of its kind. Built 1929, shipwrecked in 1946. Hey, Dani, you want to help with the planking?

Danielle: Uh -- will you take off the socks?

Derek: My toes get cold. You know, planking requires focus. I hope I can have some peace.

[Knock on door]

J.R.: I want David Hayward arrested for kidnapping my father!

David: Well, that's it. The last place to check.

Krystal: She didn't give birth in Pine Valley or Llanview.

David: Yeah, which means there's only a million other places -- cities that we can check.

Krystal: Or she didn't give birth at all. She got that baby from Paul, and she faked it!

David: All right, look, I understand why you want to believe that. But we need facts. We need science, law.

Krystal: What about the fact that Babe is convinced that Ace is hers? Does that count for anything?

David: Yeah, a big, fat zero, unless we're able to prove that Kelly didn't have that baby the old-fashioned way. Krystal?

Krystal: I don't feel -- I don't feel so good.

Babe: Hey.

Tad: Hey.

Babe: You called me?

Tad: Yeah, I did, sweetheart. Come on in, please.

Babe: Well, you sounded so mysterious on the phone. Is everything ok?

Tad: Well -- um -- sort of, ok? Um -- ok, well -- yeah, like this, I guess.

Babe: Are you proposing to me? Not that I don't love you to pieces, but I think -- I think Mama might be a little bit upset.

Babe: For me? Well, what's inside?

Tad: Anything. Anything you want in this whole wide world. As long as you tell me your secret.

Aidan: Is the patient going to live?

Anita: Oh -- these? No, it's got nothing to do with work. What's up?

Aidan: Nothing. I just -- hoping I could see Ryan. You know, talk to him about the shooting.

Anita: Oh, well, yeah, you can see him, but you might want to hold off a bit. He's with Greenlee. I have a feeling they're busy.

Aidan: Ah. So maybe I should hit the vending machines and give them some time, huh?

Anita: Hey, what do you think about houses?

Aidan: I used to live in one. But apart from that, not much. Why?

Anita: These.

Aidan: Are you buying?

Anita: Bobby's idea -- and mine -- ours. But, you know, Bobby's leading the charge.

Aidan: Shouldn't it be a group effort?

Anita: No, it is. It is. It's just, you know, he's so good at this stuff. He looks over the choices, narrows them down, makes a decision, and sold.

Aidan: So -- so what about you, then?

Anita: Oh, please, I put the "wish" in "wishy-washy." It's just such a huge decision, I don't -- I mean, I don't know where to start.

Aidan: You should start simple. I mean, which one do you like best?

Anita: Oh, but if I tell you, then you're going to pick the same one, just so you agree with me.

Aidan: Come on, I'm not the one that's going to be living with Bobby, now, am I?

Anita: I still want your opinion. Please?

Aidan: Let's have that. What do we have here? Oh, this one, it says -- it says a really big yard. I mean, Daddy could teach the kids how to play football, and I'm not talking about the American variety. It has a really big tree. You could build a big tree house in here.

Anita: Oh, did you have one of those when you were a kid?

Aidan: Sadly, no. But I was waiting until I met the woman of my dreams and then maybe we could have some kids, and I could build one and go overboard.

Anita: Well, anyway, it's too bad the kitchen, yeah, on that one is a total disaster. What?

Aidan: Do you want me to tell you what the real problem is?

Tad: Babe, it's no secret how I feel about your mom. And as far as I'm concerned, Bess is already my stepgranddaughter. I would like to make it official. I would be the proudest man in the world if you would agree to be my stepdaughter.

Babe: Oh! Great!

[Babe laughs]

Tad: Is that a yes?

Babe: Oh, are you kidding me? Of course! You're the most awesome -- totally awesome man in the world.

Tad: Awesome with a problem, and that's why I called you, ok? My problem is your mother. Or, more precisely, the fact that she just, you know, she just keeps putting me off.

Babe: Well, Mama likes to think things through.

Tad: Ok, fine. That doesn't bother me. I mean, your mother can think things through all -- all she wants, after the honeymoon. And what's bothering me is right now she hasn't just slowed things down, she's jumping up and down on the brakes.

Babe: What did she say?

Tad: Something about, you know, her plate being too full, you know, like life is a big smorgasbord and I'm at the wrong end of it. You know, she's got too many mashed potatoes to contend with and she doesn't have any room for little old me.

Babe: No, Tad. Mama, she's -- she's totally into you. Maybe if you could just give her a little bit of time.

Tad: I -- I already got the, you know, give-me-time argument, and it just doesn't wash. Sweetheart, the fact is whatever's holding her back, there's nothing on this planet that could change the way I feel about your mom. Nothing. I mean, it doesn't matter how many times I -- see, that -- that, there it is, right there.

Babe: What --

Tad: That look. That look. Just -- the thing you do with your eyes, like, you know, like the "I'm ready for my close-up" thing, you know? It's exactly like your mom.

Babe: Yeah, people say that Mom and I have the same features, but --

Tad: No, no, no, no, no, no. It's more like the same secret. And that's why I called you, sweetie. That's what I want to know. I just want to know what I'm up against, ok? What is keeping your mom from saying the word "yes"? You know, just one little, three-word syllable, and it could be happily ever after for the rest of our lives, you know? But all I get are these stupid excuses. I mean, food?

Babe: So you try to bribe me.

Tad: Absolutely. Look, I know you've never had a family. Hey, but -- it would thrill me to make you part of mine. I mean it, sweetheart, anything you want. I mean, Christmases around the tree, you know? Annual picnics. You know, the kind of memories that only truly irritating relatives can make together. A family.

Babe: It sounds really nice.

Tad: Ok, great. Great, terrific. So what is standing between me and that life? The kind of life I want to give your mother. All you got to do is just, you know, give me a hint, like -- like one syllable and then I'll take it from there.

Babe: Tad, please don't ask.

Tad: I don't have a choice. This is driving me up the wall, you know, because right now, Babe, the only other explanation that I can find is that your mother doesn't love me, you know, that this is all one huge mirage, and I'm in it by myself.

Babe: Tad --

Tad: And if that's the case, I just wish either you or Krystal would say, you know, stop.

Babe: Stop? Are you kidding me? You're joking, right? Mama is so head-over-heels in love with you. Why else would she wake up in the middle of the night and eat whipped cream straight out of the can?

Tad: Really?

Babe: Yeah.

Tad: Straight out of the can?

Babe: Yeah.

Tad: All right. You know -- ok, fine. So what the hell is wrong? What is the big roadblock? It's Hayward, isn't it?

Krystal: Do I pass?

David: Don't be in such a rush.

Krystal: I just think if I go home, I get something to eat, I get some rest, I'll be fine.

David: You know, I have a better idea. Why don't you stay right here? Your pulse is racing too fast. Right now I want to keep an eye on you.

Krystal: Is it something?

David: Well, it's always something. Question is, what kind of something?

Krystal: This is all going to come out one way or the other. Babe's son --

David: Maybe.

Krystal: Bianca's baby, my life here in Pine Valley, Babe's -- that's going to end. I'll probably get criminal charges against me.

David: No, don't -- don't -- you don't know that.

Krystal: David, don't put a smiley face on this. Half of me just wishes the truth would come out. Let's just go ahead, let them tar and feather me for all I care. I just want it to be over with.

David: And what about the other half?

Krystal: The other half wishes that it could go back to the way things were before all this happened. I caused all this mess.

David: You're talking to an expert. God knows I have my share of things.

[Knock on door]

David: Jilly McMinn. How the heck are you?

Jilly: Alive, thanks to you.

David: Jilly, Krystal Carey.

Krystal: Nice to meet you.

David: A lot better than nice. Jilly may very well be our savior.

J.R.: Hayward's holding my father in a packing crate. I want him found, and I want Hayward behind bars.

Derek: You got a ransom note?

J.R.: No.

Derek: Did Hayward confess?

J.R.: Well, in not so many words.

Derek: Well, how do you know it was Hayward that disappeared your dad?

J.R.: Because he was hinting at it.

Derek: He -- is that all you got?

J.R.: He taunted me! He wouldn't shut up about it! What?

Derek: All right. When was the last time you saw your dad?

J.R.: The night Ryan Lavery was shot.

Derek: So Adam could've been involved in the shooting.

J.R.: What? Are you out of your mind?

Derek: Trying to be thorough.

J.R.: Then stop with the stupid questions and arrest Hayward!

Danielle: Hey, nobody talks to my dad that way, so you get nice or you get gone!

J.R.: Can you control your daughter, please?

Derek: Like my daughter said, get nice or you can see yourself to the door.

J.R.: Are you going to do something about it?

Derek: I am. I'm exploring all the angles, including the possibility that Adam could've been involved in the attempt on Ryan's life and then went into hiding.

J.R.: This is insane. If you can't handle the job, Frye, I will call the FBI.

Reggie: Did you forget who you were talking to? It's the chief of police. Show the man some respect.

Derek: Pretty careless, don't you think, to kidnap somebody without leaving a ransom note? It's possible that Adam went on vacation and forgot to tell you.

J.R.: He would've told his son. Now, if something happens to my father, and you don't do anything about it, this will be on your head.

Derek: All right, all right, all right. Don't pitch a hissy fit. I'll talk to Hayward.

J.R.: I'm going with you.

Derek: No, you go home. I'll call you.

J.R.: No, no, no. Then I'm staying here until you get back.

Danielle: Oh, we'll just love to entertain a big VIP like J.R. Chandler, Daddy.

Derek: Ok, but no violence. And hands off my boat.

J.R.: What? What are you looking at?

Reggie: Well, you know, since we got some time, why don't you show me how to be a EWG?

J.R.: A what?

Reggie: An EWG -- Entitled White Guy. I mean, you got it down pat. J.R., I want to be just like you.

Ryan: Say that again?

Greenlee: I want you to walk out of that bed, walk over here, and undress me.

Ryan: That's the test?

Greenlee: If you're successful, you can sign yourself out of here against all sane medical advice -- after your reward.

Ryan: Well, then, prepare yourself for boarding.

Greenlee: Ryan?

Ryan: Was it -- was it good for you?

Greenlee: Nothing happened. Your feet hit the ground and the rest of you followed.

Ryan: Oh.

Greenlee: Oh --

Ryan: I did?

Greenlee: Yeah. You did. You should've used your Dynamite Kiddo ring.

Ryan: Yeah. "Dynamite explode, ring crack the code."

Greenlee: You almost cracked your head. It's a good thing I caught you.

Ryan: Yeah.

Greenlee: Oh --

Ryan: Ah.

Greenlee: Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ryan: Ah.

Greenlee: Oh.

Ryan: Ah.

Greenlee: Oh.

Ryan: Yeah.

Greenlee: Yeah.

Ryan: My safety net, my Green Butterfly. I failed, didn't I?

Greenlee: Totally.

Ryan: Oh. You knew I was going to fail, right? Why'd you do it?

Greenlee: Well, if I had asked you nicely to stay in bed and obey the doctors, would you have listened? You know, think about the casino and I asked you to get out of that game and not play the victim. Did you listen to me then? No, and here we are.

Ryan: Yeah, well, I'll listen to you better from now on.

Greenlee: Wise man.

Ryan: Yeah. Give me a kiss.

Anita: You rang -- or am I interrupting?

Greenlee: No, you're just in time.

Anita: What happened?

Greenlee: Ryan got cocky. Can you help me?

Ryan: Oh.

Greenlee: Oh, oh.

[Greenlee groans]

Greenlee: Oh. Come on. You ok?

Ryan: Uh-huh.

Greenlee: You ok? Easy. Uh-oh. Here we go, here we go.

Ryan: Oh.

Greenlee: The pillow. Come on. You ok, Babe?

Ryan: Yeah.

Greenlee: Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

Ryan: I just want to get out of here.

Greenlee: Easy.

Ryan: It was an experiment.

Greenlee: Easy.

Ryan: It was a noble --

Greenlee: It's the meds.

Ryan: Noble experiment. Ah.

Greenlee: Here we go.

Anita: Ok.

Greenlee: Here, put this here.

Anita: How many fingers?

Ryan: One. And one wonderful, sexy wife.

Anita: Well, his vision hasn't suffered, but save the gymnastics for a while, ok?

Ryan: Ok.

Greenlee: So much for the great escape. Magazine?

Ryan: Read them.

Greenlee: Want to watch TV?

Ryan: Done it.

Greenlee: Hmm, you're bored already?

Ryan: Any ideas?

Greenlee: Well, I did watch a documentary once on how to give an alcohol rub.

David: Detective McMinn was one of the stars on the force until his heart benched him. He nearly died on the table four times.

Jilly: Anything I can do for the doc, I'll do it.

David: Thanks, Jilly. That's why I called you. I need to find out if a baby by the name of Asa or Ace Buchanan was born anywhere in the United States during these dates, ok? I want the works -- FBI, local hospitals and authorities, national databases, whatever you can get your hands on.

Jilly: Consider it done.

David: Thanks, Jilly. Hey, don't forget -- follow-up next month. He really is the best. We should have our answer soon.

Krystal: Yeah. Well, "zip" is the only answer I want to hear, which will mean that Kelly has no right to that baby. Ah, my head is about to explode.

David: Ok, wait a minute -- didn't I just say something about staying relaxed?

Krystal: Well, I don't take orders very well, doctors' or otherwise.

David: Who are you calling?

Krystal: Babe. Oh, and thank you, by the way. I didn't know what to do and you pulled Jilly out of the hat. Winnie? Is Babe there? She what? Why -- why'd she do that? Ok, fine. Thank you. She's at Tad's. He called her, said he needed to see her.

David: Wonderful. All we need is the Great Martini snooping around, digging up dirt.

Krystal: Well, I better get over there.

David: Yeah, well, I'm going to come with you.

Krystal: No, I can handle this.

David: No -- yeah, of course you can, but I think someone immune to his charms should be there.

Derek: I need to talk to you.

David: Well, then, make an appointment, ok?

Derek: Now.

David: All right, what is it? What, I parked in the wrong space? Or you want to invite me to a luau?

Krystal: As much as I'd like to stay here and see how this turns out, I do have somewhere else to go. I'll -- I'll let you know what happens.

David: Ok. So, what's up?

Derek: According to J.R. Chandler, you can't stop bragging about stuffing his father in a packing crate and shipping him off. Is there any truth anywhere in there?

David: I'm guilty as hell.

Anita: Just give it to me straight -- what do you think the problem is?

Aidan: I think you're not ready to buy a house.

Anita: Everybody wants a house, a yard/picket fence package. You know, why shouldn't I?

Aidan: I don't know. That's your business, not mine.

Anita: Aidan, that is so untrue. I mean, it's just -- it's -- there's so many choices, too many choices.

Aidan: Well, there -- listen. You see, this one doesn't have a yard. This one -- the yard's too big. And this one -- well, it faces on to a busy street.

Anita: Well, it's not safe for kids, and I want a dog.

Aidan: Right, and this one is not south facing and this one has too many shag carpets. This one I get, but otherwise, you are looking at perfectly good homes and turning your nose up. There must be a reason.

Anita: You are so totally misreading me.

Aidan: Well, it won't be the last time I'm wrong.

Ryan: Wow. Cute and a whiz at motivational therapy. I feel better already.

Greenlee: Mm-hmm. Oh. Down, boy. Hmm. Ugh. Next time, I'm going to use vodka.

Ryan: Ok, and I'll put an olive in my navel.

Greenlee: Ooh! Three-martini lunch?

Ryan: Why stop at three? Give me a kiss.

Aidan: Uh -- oops.

Ryan: Didn't you see the "Do Not Disturb" sign?

Aidan: Where?

Ryan: Remind me I got to get one of those.

Aidan: No, it just seems like it's my day to screw up everybody else's.

Ryan: Oh.

Greenlee: Well, you already done it again, but the good news is there's a chance to get out.

Aidan: I will, as soon as I ask this young man a few questions, if that's all right.

Ryan: You bring any olives with you?

Aidan: Olives? No, like I said, just a few questions, but I can refrain from asking you them if you don't mind a shooter walking away into a happy ending.

Ryan: Hmm.

Greenlee: The only happy ending is right here.

Aidan: Shall I come back another time?

Ryan: No, you stay, but here's the deal -- you find this guy, you give me an hour alone with him.

Aidan: You got it.

Reggie: Do you mind? I never saw an EWG, you know, in action before.

J.R.: Whatever.

Reggie: It's got to be rough, huh, Dad being kidnapped and all?

J.R.: Like you care.

Reggie: Oh -- oh, I'm all about compassion, J.R. I mean, nobody should be locked up, snatched, drugged up. Can I ask you for some advice?

J.R.: Can I stop you?

Reggie: No, I don't think you can. I'm looking for a nice place to take Danielle for a date -- you know, like some place you would take Babe -- back in the day. You know what I mean. I don't mind driving, not for a banging girl like Danielle. But does anything come to mind, let's say, between here and Llanview?

David: I'm guilty of everything J.R. said I did except for the actual physical act of crating off his father.

Derek: I'm in no mood for games, Hayward.

David: I'm guilty of bragging, Derek. I found out that Chandler was missing, so I took credit for it.

Derek: What is this, some big joke? J.R. Chandler already hates your guts and then you're going to want to supersize it?

David: Well, someone had to put Junior in his place, right? It's not like you were going to do it. He kidnaps my daughter's baby and what? You let him go. You don't do anything. He drugs my daughter, you don't do anything!

Derek: I did my job! I arrested him. It was Chandler's influence that got the charges dropped.

David: Exactly! J.R.'s not afraid of the law. So I have to do something to protect my daughter.

Derek: What, by claiming to have kidnapped Adam?

David: Hey, it's working, right? Ever since I told J.R. that I kidnapped his father, what has he done? He's left my daughter alone.

Derek: Do you have any idea where Adam is?

David: Nope, not a clue.

Tad: Look, I am well aware that there is some big, huge secret out there that your mom doesn't want me to know, and I know you know what it is. What's killing me is so does Hayward. That's why I wanted to talk to you, sweetie. Please, what does a guy like Hayward got that I don't? I'm drowning here. You got to help me out.

Babe: I -- I got to go.

Tad: No. No, no, no, no, no. Babe, seriously, no, honey. Ok, all kidding aside, all right? I'm being as honest as I know how. Your mother has been on her own for so long in her life, she thinks she's got to do everything alone and that's -- that's just not the case, I mean, not with me -- if she'd only have me. The fact is I wake up every single day with a smile on my face, because I know at some point, I'm going to see your mom. And believe me, I've been around too long, you know? I've been through too much in my life not to know what that means. I love your mother too much to risk losing over something that I would move heaven and earth to fix.

Babe: Tad, Mama -- she just has her own way of doing things.

Tad: But she doesn't -- that doesn't need to be the case, you know, not anymore. And I know whatever it is, it's huge, you know? It's big and hairy and it's frightening because I've seen the look in her eye that you have in yours, but I'm telling you right now, it doesn't matter. I swear to you there is nothing on this earth I can't handle. There is no problem that I would not be willing to fix if you would just tell me what it is!

Aidan: We could do this another time if you want.

Ryan: Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you go ahead.

Aidan: Well, listen, I -- I was expecting one of the casino workers to have a grudge against Zach. I was going to tap into it, and I was going to get the information I wanted, but not even one single worker had anything bad to say about the guy.

Ryan: Really? You know, maybe he's just got them terrified or something, or bribed, you know. If you just go -- if you just go, like, a tiny bit lower, there's a little -- oh, that is so good there.

Greenlee: Mm-hmm.

Ryan: Uh -- it all points to Zach.

Aidan: Zach, or -- or Ethan, or someone that we haven't flushed out yet.

Ryan: You mean, like a random shooter?

Greenlee: There's no way that someone hates billionaires just walked off the street and shot Ryan.

Aidan: You're right, I agree. This guy knew exactly what he was doing. He had inside information, because he knew where Ryan would be and when. I mean, he knew about the blanks, he had great timing, and it looks like he was a crack shot.

Greenlee: We need more.

Aidan: Greenlee, I'm getting this information as fast as I can.

Greenlee: No. No, no, no. I mean, rubbing alcohol. You mind?

Aidan: Oh.

Ryan: You know, Slater�s got to be our man. It all points to him.

Aidan: Yeah, well, he's -- he's got a solid alibi. But even the employees that weren't working that night swear that they saw him someplace else at the time of the shooting.

Ryan: Really? Well, maybe he just paid them off.

Greenlee: Yeah, he's rich enough. He could have hired a day worker.

Aidan: Greenlee could be right. Zach could have hired a shooter. I mean, that would put an I in his alibi.

Greenlee: Ethan, on the other hand -- what's his story?

Aidan: Ethan -- "I went for a walk."

Greenlee: Huh. Likely story. All right, all done, Dynamite.

Ryan: What? What? Ow. Already? I mean, that was so good.

Greenlee: Yeah.

Ryan: All right.

Greenlee: Yeah.

Aidan: You know what? I think I need an alcohol rub.

J.R.: I don't really care where Babe liked to go. She's history.

Reggie: That's the mother of your child. That's cold, man.

J.R.: Yeah, so is the coffee. All I'm interested in is finding my father. You can't help me with that, so stay out of my way.

Reggie: You see? That's what I'm talking about. That's the whole Entitled White Guy thing.

J.R.: Oh, please.

Reggie: He just told you to go you know where without actually saying it. It's a gift, I'm telling you, man, because I can't do it. I got to say it, like this -- why don't you burn in hell?

J.R.: Hmm. Really? Why don't you? Hey, did you get Hayward? Is he arrested yet?

Derek: Hard to do without evidence.

J.R.: Well, he did it! He gave me details.

Derek: He played you. He played you like Hamlet's pipe. The only thing he copped to is being a pain in your rear.

J.R.: The only one being played is you because of your incompetence.

Danielle: Hey, didn't I warn you about being nice?

J.R.: Look, this is far from over. I will go so far over your head and bring so much heat that you will have to do your job.

Derek: Can't wait. Till then, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my day off -- what's left of it. So I'd appreciate it if you would take your attitude and your orders and look for your daddy someplace else.

J.R.: So that's it? Case closed?

Derek: You get a ransom note, you give me a call.

J.R.: Oh, and don't get too comfortable with that badge. Because as of right now, it's on the line.

Derek: Come on, son! Who got you out of that straitjacket? Out of Oak Haven? Where's the love?

J.R.: You know, I don't know why I wasted my time with you. I am going to the FBI.

Derek: Yeah, well, do what you got to do. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Reggie: That was good. I liked that, boy.

Derek: Thanks, man.

Tad: Come on, I'm desperate. I'm not kidding. At this point, you're the only person that can tell me what I need to --

Krystal: Tad -- would you stop it? I told you I needed time, I told you not to push it, and you're pumping my daughter for information.

Tad: I'm not pumping anybody, I'm bribing her. There's a difference.

Krystal: Well, it's got --

Tad: What did you expect, ok? I told you I was going to get answers with or without you.

Krystal: Without my daughter, ok? Let's go. Honey, let's go.

Tad: Wait, wait! Look, ok? This is patently absurd, ok? We have already established you haven't killed anybody. How bad can it be?

Krystal: How many times do I have to tell you? It has nothing to do with you.

Tad: If it keeps me from waking up with you every morning for the rest of my life, yes, it's got something to do with me.

Krystal: I gave you my answer.

Tad: Yeah, you gave me your answer -- which was, you couldn't give me an answer. That's not an answer, that's a nonanswer.

Krystal: It was an answer!

Tad: Is it that easy to blow me off?

Krystal: Tad, you're the one who's blowing it. You're poking your nose where it doesn't belong, and it's got to stop! Do you get that?

Tad: Well, what did you expect? You won't let me help you.

Krystal: I don't want your help, Tad. I don't need it.

David: Boy, this must be that good old Martin charm in action, huh?

Tad: Enter the world's only flightless vulture. What the hell are you doing here?

David: What's the matter, Tad? Can't get the victim of your affections to let you swoop her off?

Tad: Get out of my house.

David: I'm on my way. But I'm not going alone.

Tad: Oh, for God's sake! It's surreal! What is with you people? You got everything but a secret handshake! What was that? What -- what was that look? What did that mean?

David: Take care of yourself, Tad. Ladies?

Tad: No, come on, not like this. You guys can't just walk out.

Babe: Tad, I'm sorry.

Tad: Oh -- now, look, you can't leave, all right? You got to help me fix this.

Anita: Hey, spy master. Look, I know you Special-Op guys are never wrong, but this time you are. I want to buy a house. I want to refinish the floors, grow a garden. That's what I want. So what do you think?

Aidan: All right. Well, you once said that you didn't know whether you really wanted something, or whether you wanted something because other people wanted you to, remember?

Anita: Oh. Yes, the "shoulding all over yourself" conversation.

Aidan: Right. So, what you got to ask yourself is, "is this a should, or is this a want?" And should I want this because Bobby wants me to? You see, it seems to me that you're not sure that you're ready. But then again, you'd know more about that than I do.

Anita: I am ready. It's been a dream of mine to plant something and stick around long enough to watch it grow. To actually know my neighbors. Lock the doors at night and feel home. I mean, that's what I want, Aidan, more than anything.

Aidan: Well, then go for it.

Anita: Which puts me back in total confusion.

Aidan: Hold on, look. I saw one in here. Where is it? This one. See, it's got your gazebo. And you can spend time outside listening to the crickets and watching the stars and maybe making a few wishes when you see a shooting one.

Ryan: Why so fascinated by my IV?

Greenlee: Wouldn't it be great if they had a love IV?

Ryan: You mean, like a love drip? I think the fumes have gotten to your head.

Greenlee: No, I mean, think about it. With every drip, you'd feel my love. You'd never -- oh -- suffer from love-poor blood or love deficiency.

Ryan: Wow. Bring on a gazillion cc's of Greenlee love, stat.

Greenlee: How about we'd start with mouth-to-mouth?

Ryan: Yeah. Hey, hey --

Greenlee: Hmm?

Ryan: Go lock the door.

Greenlee: Don't tempt me. I'm not going to be responsible for ripping out your staples. Besides, you taught me once that waiting for the prize makes it that much sweeter.

Ryan: Well, I got to tell you, I can't wait for that sugar rush.

Greenlee: Oh. Oh.

Ryan: It's ok, it's ok. Kiss me.

Krystal: So you're sure? There's no record in any database, local or national, of an Asa Buchanan II, or an Ace Buchanan?

David: That's what Jilly said. No Ace, no Asa, or anything even close.

Babe: Which means that Kelly didn't have that baby.

David: Or she had it under a phony name. Or in a cab and never went to the hospital.

Krystal: Well, at any rate, it casts a lot of doubt on Ace's birth certificate.

Babe: Oh. I knew it.

David: Ok, all right.

Babe: I knew it.

David: Let's not get too excited here, ok? It's a great start, but it's not proof. There could be any number of anomalies for this -- that would explain this.

[Knock on door]

Anita: Sorry to interrupt. I have some test results.

David: Oh, thanks, Anita. Just leave them right there.

Anita: Ok. Mrs. Hines? How is she?

Krystal: Hines?

Babe: Hines? What?

David: You know this woman?

Anita: Well, yeah.

David: I want you to tell me everything you know about her.

Greenlee: You sure you can breathe? I'm not squishing you?

Ryan: No, breathing isn't my problem. Laughing is right up there.

Greenlee: Promise me, if I ever smother you for real, you'll tell me?

Ryan: I honestly can't imagine having too much of you.

Greenlee: Sometimes, I can get carried away and get a little smothery.

Ryan: Yeah?

Greenlee: Hmm.

Ryan: Hmm. Well, then, smother away.

Derek: I did not!

Danielle: Did too, Daddy! You smiled at Reggie. You like him.

Derek: I didn't smile! It was -- look, no bonding took place here, right, Reggie?

Danielle: No!

Reggie: No, absolutely no! No bonding whatsoever. We didn't even smirk at the same time.

Derek: You see?

Reggie: See, just because I deeply appreciated the way you threw J.R. out without actually throwing him out, it -- you know -- yeah.

Derek: That's enough.

Reggie: Yeah.

Derek: Look, even your boyfriend agrees with me, so can we just drop this?

Danielle: Uh -- he has to be on your side, or you'll lock him up.

Reggie: Um -- she has a point. Small one.

Derek: I am going to enjoy the last few hours of my day off. And stay out of trouble. Yeah, I'm going to the patio.

Danielle: We are so bad. Nobody better mess with us.

Reggie: You hit 'em low, I hit 'em high.

Danielle: And they never see it coming.

Anita: Mrs. Hines was on my floor.

David: When?

Anita: Back in March, I think.

David: You're not sure?

Anita: Oh, no, I'm -- I'm positive it's her. It was right before the big flood.

Krystal: What -- what floor was she on?

Anita: Maternity.

Krystal: So she -- she had a baby?

Anita: Dr. Hayward, patient confidentiality.

David: It's all right, Anita. There may be some police issues involved. Possible fraud. Did she have a baby?

Anita: It was really sad. It was a stillbirth. She took it really hard. But, I mean, she lost her baby. Who wouldn't? I -- I should get back.

David: Thank you. Ok.

Babe: Did you hear that?

Krystal: Yes.

Babe: It's true! Ace is my baby! I have a -- I have a son! A son! Oh, Mama, our miracle's coming true!

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Ethan: Just cleaned it and put it together.

Kendall: Do you still have plans to use it?

Bianca: Don't touch that. It's Miranda's.

J.R.: Things are a mess. With your help, we can make it right.

Babe: I'm going to go to Llanview right this minute. I'm going to go get my baby back.

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