Lois: Who the
hell calls at 3 A.M.? This had better be good.
Lucy: Lo, it's me!
Lois: Lucy? Where
are you?
Lucy: Good news, big sis. I'm coming to see you the day after
tomorrow. Don't worry about the airport. I'll grab a shuttle.
Lois: Lucy,
wait.
Lucy: Can't wait to see you. Bye!
Lois: Hope you guys are hungry because there are plenty more
where these came from.
Jonathan: Lois, you really didn't have to, do all this.
Martha: At least let me help. Um, I should make some eggs.
Lois: Oh, no, no, Mrs. Kent.
You just sit down and relax. Look, here I am, using your home as my own
personal motel 6. It's really the least I can do.
Clark: Yeah, well, I'm not that hungry, so I'm gonna have some O.J.
Lois: Come on,
breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Bacon? Okay, so I'm
never gonna make it to the Cordon Bleu, but I thought it would be less
of a disaster than helping out on the farm. Maybe ironing.
Clark: Lois, what's
going on?
Lois: What do you mean?
Clark: You made us breakfast, you're offering to
do the chores... you want something.
Lois: No. It's called being nice.
Clark: Yeah,
well, if you were any nicer, we'd starve.
Martha: Clark...
Lois: He's right, Mrs. Kent. Look... um... See, you guys have been so good to
me already, it's kind of hard to ask for yet another favor, so...
but, um, I --
Lois: Um... meet my sister lucy. She was kinda hoping maybe she could crash
here for a couple days.
Lucy: I know it's last-minute, but I had this school
break, and I'm willing to sleep in the
barn.
Clark: No, that's okay. Lois can sleep in the barn.
Jonathan: Nobody has to sleep
out there.
Martha: We'd love to have you, Lucy. Um, you can stay in Lois's
room.
Jonathan: We'll, uh, we'll go up and get your things set up.
Clark: So, Lucy, Lois
has told us absolutely nothing about you.
Lucy: Well, there's not much to
tell.
Lois: Oh, please, let me gloat. She is getting straight A's at one of
the most prestigious prep schools in europe. She is fluent in three language, and she is
fending off ivy league colleges with a stick.
Clark: Wow, that's impressive.
What happened to Lois?
Lois: You're gonna find that clark's charm is an
acquired taste, much like his sense of fashion.
Lucy: Well, thanks for
letting me stay. I don't know how I'm going to repay you.
Clark: Well, just
tell me plenty of embarrassing stories about Lois.
Lois: Funny guy.
Lucy: Well, I'm
just gonna go wash four time zones' worth of airport
connections.
Lois: Lucy? Are you sure everything's okay?
Lucy: Now that I'm here
with you, it's perfect.
Jason: You know, you cheated on that last stretch,
young lady. I had you beat.
Lana: Well, I only offered you a kiss. Didn't
think you'd actually fall for it. Oh, my god.
Jason: Hold on. Is anything
missing?
Lana: I don't know. My jewelry is still here. My wallet's right where
I left it.
Jason: Okay, well, if nothing valuable is missing, then...
Lana: The
stone.
Jason: Who else could've known it was
here?
Lana: I don't know.
Jason: Well, no one saw me take it in china.
Lana: Maybe, uh,
maybe Lex or Lionel figured it out.
Jason: Or Clark. I mean, you always
said there was a side of him that you never really knew.
Lana: I don't care who
did this, Jason. I don't care about these stones. I just want to
forget they ever existed.
Jason: Lana, this isn't some bad dream that you can
just blink away. This is real life. We have to find that stone.
Lana: No, we
don't. Jason, our relationship has become more about chasing
artifacts than it is about you and me. And that isn't a relationship.
Remember when our biggest problem was trying to find a place to steal a
kiss?
Jason: Yeah, usually you preferred under the bleachers.
Lana: Well, there is no
reason why we can't go back to those days, without worrying about break-ins and
artifacts and the Luthors. And Clark Kent.
Jason: You're right. Then whoever
took the stone, they can just keep it. And, uh, and we'll just
concentrate on the only thing that really matters. Us.
Lucy: I hope you're
thirsty.
Clark: What are you doing?
Lucy: Oh, I figured I would help out and get the
morning milk. I spent last spring break on my friend's farm in the Swiss
country side.
Clark: Well, you didn't really have to do that.
Lucy: I figured if I'm
gonna stay, I have to pull my own weight.
Clark: Hey, uh, Lois, did you. Did
you hear that?
Lois: I'm sorry, did you say something? Go get changed. I'm
going to work.
Clark: Since when did you work?
Lois: Since today. I'm helping your mom
out at the Talon. So Chloe is going to be
your official Smallville tour guide, not that there's much to see.
Lucy: Oh, I
don't know. So far it looks pretty good.
Lois: Don't let all that flirting go
to your head. She goes to an all-girls school. You're probably the first
guy she's talked to in a couple months.
Clark: Lois, I don't want you to get the
wrong idea, but ever since Lucy came to town, you've been grumpier than
normal. Are you not happy to see your sister?
Lois: Of course I am. Look,
there's a thing with sisters. You can love them without really liking
them.
Clark: You don't like your own sister?
Lois: More like she's not very crazy
about me, not that I blame her.
Clark: Yeah, well, look, you might be a
little rough around the edges, but as far as sisters go, Lucy could do a
lot worse.
Lois: Um...thanks for the ringing endorsement. When my mother died, my dad had two girls he didn't know how to
deal with, so he did what every good military leader would do -- he
instituted a chain of command, and I reported to him...
Clark: And Lucy
reported to you.
Lois: Yeah. It takes sibling rivalry to a whole new level. I
had to make sure she had three square meals, got to school, did her
homework...
Clark: You became her mother.
Lois: Yeah, except I was, not prepared.
I used to give her advice like, uh, you know, don't kiss a boy, or you're
gonna get pregnant. And, yeah, maybe she had a few more chores than most
kids.
Clark: Is that why she decided to go to boarding school?
Lois: Oh, unlike your
family, there was no discussion. When the General gives an order, you're
expected to carry it out.
Clark: Whoa, sounds kind of harsh.
Lois: Trust
me, Lucy got the better end of the deal. I mean, don't get me wrong, she
totally deserves it. But I guess there was just a part of me that was
always jealous she got out and I didn't. I gotta go to work. I hear your
mother is a slave driver. Woman: I need a half-caf soy latte, no foam, no whip, and a blueberry muffin top, hold the stem.
Lois: Whatever happened to
regular old black coffee?
Lex: Two Lanes under one roof. That's gotta
be interesting.
Clark: Well, I haven't had a hot shower in two days. And the
laundry machine is running nonstop. The phone line is consistently
busy... no, it's nice having them around. It kind of takes the
loneliness out of the house.
Lex: Yeah, I always hated the sound of a quiet
home.
Chloe: Whoa! Is that Lois with a tray? Hey, cuz.
Clark: Yes, it is. It's kind like a free
floor show. Have you two been catching up?
Chloe: Um, yeah, Lucy's just filling
me in on all her hidden talents. She was a violinist for the Zurich Youth Orchestra.
Lucy: It was nothing. It's just a hobby.
Lex: Given their
reputation in europe, I highly doubt that.
Clark: Sorry, lucy, this is...
Lucy: Lex Luthor. I read your profile in Fortune magazine a couple months ago. I
thought your theories on the future of American business were very
interesting.
Lex: Well, I'd be curious to hear what you think of my piano
skills. Drop by the mansion. I'd love to play with a serious musician.
[ Clatter ]
Lois: Ah, crap!
Chloe: I'm gonna go help her out.
Clark: Lucy, who's that
guy staring at you back there?
<>Jason: Luthor, where is it?
Lionel: Well, perhaps
you can tell me what it is you want.
Jason: You know exactly what it is I want.
You gave me that map because you knew I'd end up in China, and you
knew I'd find that stone. It was all one big calculated ploy, wasn't it?
Lionel: If I had the foresight which you attribute to me, I wouldn't need any
ancient artifacts to help me.
Jason: If you've got any kind of foresight, you
will let me know where that tone is right now. Otherwise, this is gonna
get very ugly.
Lionel: Oh, so now, in addition to hurling accusations, you
decide to threaten me?
Jason: You break into her apartment, you go through
her private things.
Lionel: I assure you, breaking and entering is not my
style. Your lost treasure isn't here, mr. Teague. You'll have to
look somewhere else. Good day.
Jason: I'm not going anywhere, Luthor, until you give me that stone, or you convince me that you didn't
take it.
Lionel: You storm in here, you accuse me of some ham-fisted home
invasion. Why are you doing this? Is it an act? An elaborate diversion.
Jason: Don't turn this around on me!
Lionel: I think we both know there's nothing
stronger than the love between mother and son. And I'm sure Miss Lang agrees.
[ Thunk ]
Clark: I knew you had talents, but I didn't think burglary was one
of them.
Lucy: I swear, I was gonna pay it all back. I'm not some criminal.
Clark: You do a pretty good job of impersonating one. Look, Lucy, I just don't
get it. I mean, why?
Lucy: Do you have any idea what it's like to be
different from everyone else, to be a total outsider?
Clark: I might have an idea.
Lucy: At my
school, I'm surrounded by the wealthiest kids in the world. So unless I
want to be the school's outcast, I had to be like them, look like them.
Clark: Well, I'm sure it's a very expensive undertaking. But do you really
have to resort to petty theft in order to fit in?
Lucy: Well, I tried using my
credit cards, but they maxed out. So I went to this club owner who's
known for lending money to the credit-impaired.
Clark: You went to a loan
shark?
Lucy: Well, it's called something else in German, but yeah, that's
the idea.
Clark: Wait, so that's the guy who was here the other day, staring at
you. All right, look, how much do you owe?
Lucy: 50,000 U.S. Dollars. But most
of it is just bogus interest.
Clark: Lucy, we've got to tell your
father about this.
Lucy: No, I can't. The general's convinced I'm the
embodiment of the perfect daughter.
Clark: Well, at least we have to tell Lois.
Lucy: I don't want to disappoint her.
Clark: She's your sister. She'll understand.
Lucy: Not
everyone has a family like yours, Clark. Please don't tell her. I think
the best thing for me to do is to just, disappear for a while.
Clark: Lucy,
wait. If you're in some sort of trouble, the best thing to do is just
stay here and keep a low profile. Maybe there's something I can do to
help. Chloe: His name is Marcus Becker. He's a
bouncer at a club called Kronos in Zurich with a résumé
chock full of felonies. Apparently, this club is a kind of a front for
the kind of people that you don't want to owe money to.
Clark: I wish she'd
just tell Lois.
Lois: She doesn't have to. I knew her hop, skip, and a jump
over the atlantic wasn't because she missed her big sister, and if this
guy is bothering Lucy, then I'm gonna find him. We're gonna have a little
talk.
Chloe: Lois, before you go all lifetime heroine, remember that this is
not the school bully she's dealing with.
Clark: Seriously, she is in trouble. But I think I know someone who
can help. [ Playing classical music ]
Lois: Bravo, Lucy. Excellent performance.
Lex: Yeah,
I had no idea the younger Lane was such a virtuoso.
Lois: Oh,
apparently, there's quite a bit about the younger Lane we don't know.
Lucy: Thanks, Clark. You're pretty great about keeping a secret.
Clark: Lucy, I want
to help you. That's why I'm here. Lex, I was gonna tell you about the
money, but I think she already beat me to it.
Lex: And what money would that
be?
Lucy: I didn't come here looking for a hand out. I can solve this problem
myself.
Lois: Well, as long as we're on the topic of personal finance, how did
you think you'd be able to pay this money back standing on a street
corner playing your violin for loose change?
Lucy: There's a reason I didn't tell you.
Lois: Look, I don't want to have to say
anything to the general --
Lucy: You're not mom, all right, so stop trying to
be.
Lois: Don't you dare bring mom into this.
Lex: Ladies...please.
Clark: Lucy owes
$50,000 to a guy in Switzerland. He's come to Smallville to collect.
Lex: Now, Lucy, how does a girl like you get involved with a loan shark?
Lucy: It's a
long story. Look, I didn't ask for anyone's help, not Clark, not Lois,
not you. I'm a big girl. I can handle this on my own.
Lex: $50,000 is a
lot to handle, even for a "big girl."
Lucy: Yeah, well, I guess that's my
problem.
Lex: Lucy, before you walk out that door, why don't you tell me what
happened? I have the resources to deal with these kind of people.
Lex: They
want bearer bonds, which are impossible to trace. This isn't amateur hour.
Clark: I
thought you had a policy not to deal with extortionists.
Lex: This is
different, Clark. This isn't the first time I've dealt with these
people.
Clark: Wait, you know Marcus Becker?
Lex: I know the men he works for.
They're a German crime syndicate, and they've repeatedly blocked my
attempts to buy a hotel in Zurich through intimidation and blackmail. If
I get this guy in custody, I'll have something to squeeze them with.
Clark: So Lucy's just a pawn?
Lex: No. I just have other reasons for helping her out.
Becker wants me to meet him at an abandoned warehouse at the corner of Market and Linden.
Clark: Lex, this isn't worth getting hurt over.
Lex: No one's
getting hurt, Clark. All I'm doing is delivering the briefcase. The G.P.S
device inside will lead my security team right to them.
Lucy: He said he only
wants me there.
Lex: No. That's not gonna happen. I'm going alone.
Lois: A 100 grand, chrome wheels and 13 speakers instead of a back seat? Oh, yeah, I get the
gear shift.
Lucy: Are we there yet?
Lois: Have you ever been in a car and not
uttered those words?
Lucy: All I'm saying is, this guy's not gonna be happy if
we're not there on time. He's not the kind of guy you want to piss off.
Lex: Relax. We're close.
[ Siren wailing ]
Lex: Damn it.
Lucy: Can you out run them?
Lex: Don't worry. I'll
handle it. Stay put. Excuse me, officer. I appreciate your need to
fill your speeding ticket quota, but can we make this quick?
Officer: Put your
hands over your head.
Lex: What?
Officer: Put your hands up now.
Lex: Look, I think there's been a
mistake. I may have been speeding, but --
Officer: Shut up. Go get the bonds, Mr.
Luthor.
Lucy: Oh, my god.
Lois: No, no, no, just stay calm, okay?
Marcus: Nice try.
Dump it in the bag. Thank you. And good night. You wouldn't want Lucy
to bean only child, would you?
Employee: Take my word for it, there's no cash on
the premises.
Clark: Wait. Where's Marcus Becker?
Employee: Never heard of him. Clark: Lex!
Lex: Clark, he's got the girls.
[ Groans ]
Lois: Hey! Somebody!
Lucy: It's no use. We are totally and utterly screwed.
Lois: Oh, let's not jump to
conclusions here. I have a history of getting us out of the jams you get
us into. I'll think of something.
Lucy: Lois,
this isn't like us getting ourselves locked in the mess hall pantry or
getting lost on our bikes in Bangkok.
Lois: I don't get it. You got your
money. Why don't you go back home, eat some swiss cheese, and live
happily ever after? You don't need us.
Marcus: But I do. The Luthor well has only
just been tapped. I'm here to strike it rich.
Lucy: You son of a bitch. You're
holding us for ransom?
Lois: Lucy, zip it. Let my sister go. You don't need
both of us.
Marcus: Sure I do. A pair of Lanes, it definitely ups the ante.
Lois: The world would be a whole lot worse without her in it than without me,
right? She's the one with the future if she'd only learn to behave
herself.
Marcus: Eat up, girls.
Lucy: How generous of
you. I thought you'd let us starve.
Marcus: The one with the sticker has no
tomatoes.
Lois: Lucy.
Lucy: Yeah.
Lois: How did he know you don't like tomatoes? Clark: Lucy Lane
has been conning us this whole time.
Lex: That's a pretty bold accusation, Clark.
Clark: The drop-off was a fake. There was no warehouse. And Lucy was the
only one who knew about the G.P.S. I mean, how else would Becker have known
to treat the briefcase like the plague?
Lex: Becker's a pro. He could
simply be cautious about the money.
Clark: It's all part of a bigger plan. The
way she accidentally woke me up on her way to steal from the Talon. She
knew I'd catch her in the act. Her sob story about not being able to fit
in at school. It was all a setup in order to win my sympathy so I'd come
to you for the money.
Lex: She played us like a Stradivarius.
Clark: What I don't understand is, why abduct Lois? I know it's a
con, but why kidnap your own sister?
Lex: Well, they say sibling rivalries run
deep.
Woman: Line one, Mr. Luthor. It's Becker.
Lex: Lex Luthor.
Becker: Place
$500,000 in bearer bonds in the abandoned tractor trailer just north of Highway
54 just north of Cherry Hill.
Lex: That's not how it works.
[ Dial tone ]
Lex: Clark? Clark?
[ Sighs ]
Lucy: I swear, Lois, it wasn't supposed to end up this way.
Lois: When Michael Hoover was throwing dirt clods at you, who kicked his butt, uh?
Who was the one who let you sleep in her bed and listen to you
snore every night after mom died?
Lucy: Lois, I'm sorry.
Lois: Well, sorry's not
good enough. I want to know why. I want to know why you turned to a life
of crime when you have everything in the world going for you. You're as
close to frickin' perfect as it gets.
Lucy: Because that's what the general
always wanted. I just went along and played the part. From the day I left
for school, all I wanted was to go home.
Lois: Why didn't you tell the general
that?
Lucy: How could I? It was clear he didn't want me around. He wanted you.
Lois: What are you talking about?
Lucy: Why do you think he sent me off
to school after mom died?
Lois: He sent you off to school because you were
brilliant and you deserved the best education available.
Lucy: Well, you can
think whatever you want. But the fact is, I always envied you.
Lois: Me? I was
being dragged around the world like a spare piece of luggage.
Lucy: Yeah, but
you had something I never had.
Lois: What?
Lucy: You had dad.
Lois: Luce... I don't
think either of us ever had dad.
Lucy: I'm sorry I got you into this, Lois.
Lois: Don't worry about it. We've been in far worse trouble than this.
[ Gunshots ]
[ Clicking ]
Lex: We're pulling over. Now! How are you feeling?
Lois: Well, I
have a new found appreciation for seat belts, I can tell you that. What
are you going to do with my sister?
Lex: I don't have a choice. I have to
notify the authorities.
Man: Hey, hey!
Lois: Lucy!!
Clark: Lex, any luck finding Lucy?
Lex: No. All that turned
up was the car, minus my $50,000.
Clark: Lex, I know that Lois feels really
badly about this, but there's really no way she would've --
Lex: Clark, I'm
not here to collect. Besides, having Becker in custody is worth a lot
more to me than 50 grand.
Clark: Your deal in Zurich. Well, I'm glad that
someone came out of this ahead.
Lex: How's lois?
Clark: Um, I don't know. She hasn't
said anything all day. But I don't know why Lucy would run away. I mean, Lois is her family.
Lex: Just
because you have the same blood running through your veins doesn't make
you family. Look at us, Clark. I'm a product of my father's breeding. He
needed an heir. But your parents chose you out of love. I'd take your
family any day of the week.
Clark: I just think Lois and Lucy could've been
closer.
Lex: Well, hopefully, one day they will be. But that's up to them. So
quit blaming yourself for what happened.
Clark: Lex. Do you ever miss not having
a sibling?
Lex: I used to, until I met you, Clark. You're closer to me than
any...blood brother. Chloe: Hey.
Clark: Hey.
Chloe: Have you recovered from Hurricane Lucy
yet?
Clark: I just hope she changes her ways
before she gets herself hurt.
Chloe: You know, it never fails. Keeping
secrets always leads to trouble. I don't know which is more difficult,
being the one keeping the secret or the one who's being duped.
Clark: Have you
talked to Lois? She's been holed up in her room all day. She took it
all pretty hard.
Chloe: Yeah, well, ever since I could remember, the one
thing Lois has always wanted is to protect her little sister.
Clark: I guess no
matter how bad you want to, you just can't save everyone.
Chloe: But it doesn't
stop you from trying, does it, Clark? Lex: Dad, clearly the idea of personal
space is lost on you.
Lionel: Lex, one of your employees paid me a
visit recently, and I wasn't clear whether it was official business, or what it was.
Lex: As far as I
know, our outstanding business is finished.
Lionel: Well, he -- Jason Teague, that's who it was -- accused me of taking something that, uh,
didn't belong to me, of stealing.
Lex: Well, it wouldn't be the first time.
Lionel: Be that as it may, the accusation was false.
[ Sighs ]
Lionel: But given what's missing, I almost wish I was guilty.
Lex: What
was it?
Lionel: You know the answer to that question, Lex. You're the one who
took it from him.
Lex: Dad, if you want to play games, there's a deck of
cards in the parlor --
Lionel: Let's talk about games. You hire someone to travel
to China to search for an ancient artifact. He finds it, he steals
it, but he keeps it for himself. Then you have to steal it back from him. You've turned hot potato into a
art form, son.
Lex: Jason Teague found the stone?
Lionel: Either you are the best con
man in the world, or you are truly, unbelievably naive. Good afternoon, Lex.
Clark: I thought you said that telescopes were for geeks and stalkers.
Lois: Yeah, well, as was proven over the last few days, I can
seriously misjudge people. You know, if you've come to kick me off the
farm, I completely understand.
Clark: Yeah, um... actually, I came here to tell
you we have food in the oven if you're hungry.
Lois: Thanks.
Clark: How are you
holding up?
Lois: I just got off the phone with the general.
Clark: Oh, that was all
the screaming I heard from the house.
Lois: Yeah, well, apparently, he is very
disappointed in me for letting this happen, and as far as my
family chain of command goes, I am the weakest link.
Clark: I'm
sorry.
Lois: Don't be. You know, there's something cathartic about telling a
three-star general to go to hell. Uh, you know, all these years, I
thought I had my sister pegged, but in reality, she's a complete stranger
to me.
Clark: Even if that were true, I think that if she called you tomorrow, you'd be there
in a second to help her.
Lois: Yeah, I would. She's my sister.
Clark: I don't
think Lucy's all that bad.
Lois: You're amazing, Smallville. You always look for
the best in people, even when they walk all over you.
We don't read the guestbook very often, so please don't
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[ Cell phone playing reveille ] 
It's really the least I can do.
any nicer, we'd starve. 
and I'm willing to sleep in the
barn. 
in three language, and she is
fending off ivy league colleges with a stick. 
So Chloe is going to be
your official Smallville tour guide, not that there's much to see. 
When my mother died, my dad had two girls he didn't know how to
deal with, so he did what every good military leader would do -- he
instituted a chain of command, and I reported to him... 
Yes, it is. It's kind like a free
floor show. Have you two been catching up? 
playing your violin for loose change?
I'll think of something. 
I mean, Lois is her family. 
I am the weakest link. 
