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Boston Legal Transcript

01-03 "Catch and Release"

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Original air date: 10/17/04

Provided by Boo

Sally: Why aren’t you helping me?

Alan: Sally, I have a trial of my own beginning tomorrow. A rather big one.

Sally: But this is my very first trial.

Alan: You’ve certainly been in court before. I have no doubt you’ll do well.

Sally: Motion practice. This is with a jury. I don’t—I don’t think I’m ready.

Alan: Sally, look at me. You trust me?

Sally: I do.

Alan: And because you trust me, you’ll believe what I’m about to tell you.

Sally: I will

Alan: That’s all it is.

Sally: All what is?

Alan: Trial law. Getting the jury to trust you, so you’ll believe what you tell them.

Sally: Really?

Alan: Sincerity, Sally. Once you learn to fake that, there’ll be no stopping you.

Paul: Denny, we’ve got….what’s going on?

Denny: A little maintenance work, Paul. Wouldn’t hurt you by the way. You look like a prune.

Paul: We have the Kaneb meeting in 15 minutes.

Denny: Excellent. Why do I care?

Paul: You care because this is the construction project that the entire firm has been working on for 18 months. You care because Byron Kaneb cares and he expects you to be present.

[Denny Screams]

Denny: Ooh! Ow! Damn it, man, what have you done?

Dr. Lott: Uh, the needle broke. Not to worry. Just let me remove it.

Denny: Don’t you touch me.

Dr. Lott: Mr. Crane, half the needle is still in your forehead. Just let me remove it.

Denny: You’re not touching me! Get Dr. Michaels back down here. This is what happens when I let his kids cut their teeth on my head.

Dr. Lott: If I could just remove the needle—

Denny: Don’t you touch me.

Paul: Denny. There’s a needle in your head. Let him at least remove it.

Denny: Get me Dr. Michaels!

Alan: I really don’t need a second chair for this.

Lori: Sexual harassment is a specialty of mine.

Alan: Mine too!

Lori: No doubt, but while your experience tends to be hands on, mine—

Alan: Tends to be more wishful thinking.

Lori: Not to mention, you ooze.

Alan: I ooze.

Lori: Yes. That certain something that subliminally champions misogyny. You need me.

Alan: Lori, as much as I may want you. Desire you, even. I do not need you.

Lori: See that right there? Ooze.

Byron: When can I dig my hole?

Paul: We’re almost there, Byron.

Byron: Don’t tell me we’re almost there, Paul. We’ve been almost there for 6 months. When will we be there?

Brad: City Council agreed to the variance for the golf course on Monday. Today we’re expecting an answer from the Redevelopment Commission for the outdoor mall and my sources say they’re going to rule in our favor.

Byron: What about the damn EPA?

Tara: The blue-spotted salamander just got downgraded from “endangered” to “threatened” last week. So the marina looks like a go. Except for—

Byron: Except for what?

Paul: It seems there’s a river where some salmon spawn. Evidently there’s some environmental lawyer who’s making a stink.

Byron: When you say “stink”—

Paul: He got a T.R.O.

Byron: A fish? My city’s being held up by a fish?

Paul: We are meeting the lawyer today. We will make it go away.

Alan: Do you plan to contribute or are you simply assigned to mop up the ooze?

Christine: Alan. Hello. Christine Pauley.

Lori: Oh, I’ve heard so much about you.

Christine: How are you?

Alan: Fine. Thank you. If you’ll excuse us, we’re due in court.

Christine: Yes, I know. I’m opposing counsel.

Alan: I beg your pardon?

Judge Resnick: What do you want me to do?

Alan: I expect you to disqualify her. This is tantamount to stalking. She got herself assigned to this case because I’m on it. Not to mention, as an officer of the court I question whether Ms. Pauley even has the capacity to try a case. She was released from a mental facility last week.

Judge Resnick: Certainly, counsel, if you want to conflict out—

Alan: I can’t conflict out. I’m the only one who knows the case here. Ms Colson was simply put on to—

Judge Resnick: Ms. Pauley, what’s going on? Of all the cases to start off with, you pick one against an ex-boyfriend you tried to kill?

Christine: Actually, your honor, I didn’t pick it. My firm came to me.

Alan: Please Christine, I—

Christine: Because I used to date Mr. Shore, they thought I could shed some light on some of his procedural eccentricities, which I did. Since I also happen to have extensive experience in sexual harassment law, the senior partners asked me if I would first chair. I agreed.

Judge Resnick: We start at 11 a.m.

Alan: Your honor—

Judge Resnick: Mr. Shore, if you want to conflict out, do so. But I have no legal basis to disqualify Ms. Pauley.

Christine: May I speak with you alone, Alan?

Alan: No, you may not Christine. And if you choose to be on this case, please conduct yourself at arm’s length and on the record. It’s just coincidence to you. Your first case out of the hospital—

Christine: I consider it a preposterous coincidence—

Alan: You have no business trying a case—

Christine: But truth be told the partners came in--

Alan: I know you better than your partners.

Christine: How sad you can’t be happy for me.

Alan: I’m not happy.

Christine: Clearly.

Lori: Well that seemed perfectly normal.

Sally: The D.A. offered a three-month suspended. I think we should take it.

Ramone: Does it go on my record?

Sally: Well, yes, but—

Ramone: The answer’s no. I didn’t do it.

Sally: Ramone.

Ramone: I didn’t take that wallet, and as a matter of principle, I won’t pretend that I took it.

Sally: They have an eyewitness.

Ramone: Look here. I might seem like some court-appointed charity case. But I’m an honest man. I don’t steal. And I won’t agree to any plea that says otherwise.

Sally: Mr. Seymore? Hi. Sally Heep. I’m in litigation at the firm. She walks over to shake his hand.

Walter: I know that.

Sally: Are you in court today, or—

Walter: No, but you are. I’m here to observe your work, Miss Heep. Good luck.

Paul: Denny? The lawyer who got the T.R.O.? On the Kaneb construction project—

Denny: Ah, pay him off, Paul. Give him a bottle of scotch and some money to buy some more bus bench ads.

Paul: He says he’s your son.

Denny: It’s true. You’re a lawyer now.

Donny: Hey. Dad.

Donny: You’ve got a needle in your head.

Denny: Small accident. Not to worry. Son.

Donny: Dad.

Denny: You’re a lawyer now. That’s how you greet people?

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: Denny Crane.

Donny: Donny Crane.

Denny: I had a one-night stand with his mother. I paid for his education and so forth. I did everything I could to be a good father.

Paul: When’s the last time you saw him?

Denny: Oh, I don’t know. When he was 12?

Brad: We’ve offered several decent compromises.

Paul: And?

Brad: He just keeps on saying his name.

Denny: Oh, I’ll talk to him. How’s my boy?

Donny: They don’t really need to bug you with this, dad.

Denny: So what’s this all about? Saving some fish?

Donny: Well, see, your lawyers, who are clearly very talented, persuaded a judge to eliminate the distinction between farmed salmon and wild salmon.

Paul: The President of the United States proposed eliminating that distinction.

Donny: Yeah, I know. That’s probably why the judge granted your motion. Dad, wild salmon are an endangered species. The administration figures if you eliminate the distinction between farmed and wild and count them both as one, the numbers would go up and you could take ‘em off the endangered list. And that way, they can lift the environmental protections in place to protect them. Which, of course, allows you to build more shopping malls.

Denny: Well, son, look at the big picture. If building this mall can save a species from becoming endangered, let’s by all means do it.

Wendy: I was vice president in charge of alternative investments.

Alan: And at the time of the affair Mr. Ralston was—

Wendy: He was and remains, president of the firm.

Alan: This romantic affair lasted how long, Ms. Moore?

Wendy: About nine months, at which point I broke it off.

Alan: Because?

Wendy: Mainly, because I was a married woman, and I wanted to work things out with my husband.

Alan: I see. And how did Mr. Ralston handle the break up?

Wendy: At first, I think fine. But then he would continue to try to get back together. He would schedule lunches, meetings, ostensibly about business only to pursue his romantic interests. He started calling me after hours. Sometimes he would send flowers. Eventually, it got so bad I simply had to leave.

Alan: You went to another brokerage firm?

Wendy: At a lesser position for less money. There seemed to be a stigma about my departure.

Wendy: I don’t know. Maybe people thought that I had secretly been fired. I don’t know. What I do know is I was basically forced out of my job by his relentless, unwanted sexual advances.

Alan: Thank you Ms. Moore.

Lori: She looks demented.

Judge Resnick: Ms Pauley?

Christine: Leading up to your affair with my client, he made welcome sexual advances?

Wendy: Well, not at first. I was a married woman.

Christine: But at some point. The advances became welcomed?

Wendy: Yes.

Christine: A love affair then ensued?

Wendy: Yes.

Christine: So, I guess my client’s strategy was if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. A strategy you certainly ratified.

Wendy: Well, I—

Christine: Since dogged perseverance was rewarded the first time, I guess it would only be natural for him to adopt this strategy again.

Wendy: I may have sent mixed signals the first time, but I did no such thing this time.

Christine: Ah. When you left, did you tell prospective employers the reason?

Wendy: No, I—

Christine: Why not?

Wendy: I suppose I feared that it wouldn’t depict me in the best possible light. I was a married woman having an affair.

Christine: Got it. So this stigma you refer to—people wondering whether you were fired or not—that stigma was at least partly caused by you embarrassment over your own behavior—a married woman having an affair.

Wendy: I suppose that’s true. But I—

Christine: Thank you, Ms. Moore.

Sylvie: I was reaching into my purse to get some change. To feed the homeless. That’s when I saw him coming.

Ms. Huff: Who?

Sylvie: Him. The guilty defendant sitting right there.

Sally: Objection.

Judge Bickell: The jury will disregard the reference to the defendant’s guilt.

Ms. Huff: Then what happened?

Sylvie: He reached into my purse, grabbed my wallet and started rifling through it.

Ms. Huff: What did you do?

Sylvie: I stood there frozen. I was shocked. He started running away as he was rifling through it. Then he turns, and he’s coming back.

Ms. Huff: Then what happened?

Sylvie: I ran. He started chasing me. Thank God he was tackled by some people. I don’t know what he might have done.

Ms. Huff: Miss White, are you absolutely sure that it was the defendant?

Sylvie: I can show you the pictures.

Ms. Huff: What pictures?

Sylvie: I have one of those little phone camera thingies. I snapped his picture.

Ms. Huff: And you have them?

Sylvie: Look. You can see he’s got the wallet.

Walter: You just let the pictures be introduced without so much as an objection.

Sally: Well, I thought. Um. The prosecution didn’t know about them either. So I couldn’t claim unfair surprise.

Walter: You could’ve gotten time to prepare a cross-examination. To research the photos for authenticity. Instead, you sat there quietly. There’s eyewitness testimony from the victim. Positive I.D. and pictures.

Paul: How do you plan to proceed now Sally?

Sally: Um. My client wants to testify.

Paul: And say what?

Sally: Um. That he’s innocent.

Brad: It’s a fish, for God’s sake.

Donny: It’s not just a fish. It’s a salmon. Which the government is trying to wipe out.

Brad: Look, I like to fish myself. Catch and release, the whole shebang. Pull ‘em in by the lip, throw ‘em back out to prove you’re humane.

Donny: You’re mocking me. He’s mocking me, dad.

Denny: You’re a Crane. Get used to it.

Brad: We will go to court.

Donny: I love court. Donny Crane.

Brad: Look, Donny. You seem like a nice kid. I have no doubt that you’re a terrific attorney. But you are not him.

Donny: You’re like a son to him, aren’t you? Does he hug you much?

Brad: Look, if this is about some score between you and the old man—

Donny: It’s not about any score. Hey. If you people want to go to court.

Denny: Beat it, will you Brad?

Denny: Is it a score? Was I not there enough?

Donny: Were you not there enough? Dad, I haven’t seen you in 15 years.

Denny: I may not have had the time to give that most dads had. But I thought I was giving you something much more important. Money.

Donny: You gave me something even more important than that, dad. You gave me the Crane legacy, and I fully plan on living up to it. So , I’ll see you and your team in court. Donny Crane.

Ramone: At first, I saw it. But I didn’t see it. If that makes any sense. Uh, it took a few seconds to register.

Sally: What took a few seconds?

Ramone: My wallet. I lost it two days earlier. And then I see it right there in her bag.

Sally: Your wallet?

Ramone: Yeah. It’s this funky orange color, it’s not like there could be two of them, and I lost it on Washington right where we were at. So I figured she stole it. That woman stole my wallet.

Sally: So—

Ramone: So I walked right up and snatched it back. Self help.

Sally: You snatched back your own wallet.

Ramone: Yes I did. And I hustled off ‘cause truth be told, the woman looked a little vicious.

Sally: So what happened next?

Ramone: Well, I started to go through it to make sure it was mine and as I was going through the inside I saw “Oh my God! It’s not my wallet.” It looked exactly like mine, but it wasn’t. Truth is, I discovered later I’d left it in my car. It was all a big mistake. So I started to run back to return it. And she just took off. And I started chasing, yelling “Lady, wait! I’m bringing it back”. Y’know, I’m bringing it back. And then I got tackled and…here I am.

Sally: Your witness.

Ms. Huff: So the wallet that you ripped out of Miss White’s purse, the wallet that you ran off with, you thought it was your own?

Ramone: Yes ma’am.

Ms. Huff: Because it looked exactly like yours.

Ramone: Yes ma’am. This one here. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out an identical orange wallet.

Daniel: When we broke up, it was because she felt committed to working things out with her family. It wasn’t that things were emotionally over between us.

Christine: She said that?

Daniel: Yes, and I suppose I felt, you know, when two people love each other you persevere through obstacles. My so-called sexual harassment. It wasn’t about sexual advances. It was about getting her to be true to her feelings.

Alan: You were trying to show her that she felt like having sex with you?

Daniel: Please don’t trivialize this.

Alan: I assure you, sir, I take it very seriously. You say it’s okay to harass women in the workplace so long as you love them.

Daniel: I believed, and still believe, she was in love with me.

Alan: I see. And she lacked the autonomy to make up her own mind.

Christine: Objection.

Alan: She lacked the mental capacity, perhaps, to be truly happy without you.

Christine: Objection!

Alan: Why is it some people simply refuse to accept that it’s over?

Christine: Objection!

Christine: I truly apologize. For a second I thought you were personalizing it, Alan, and I was out of line. I’m sorry.

Alan: It’s okay. You all right?

Christine: Yes. It is ridiculous, the stress of a trial a week out of the rubber room. Going up against you.

Alan: Why are you doing this?

Christine: It was always safe, inside work, you know? It was a little cocoon.

Alan: Can you continue?

Christine: Oh, yes. It’s just a little---Again, I apologize for the outburst.

Lori: Whatever you can do to keep it personal.

Alan: I’m sorry?

Lori: She’s kind of been kicking our ass, Alan. That’s the first crack I’ve seen in her armor.

Alan: I’m not going to exploit her.

Lori: Alan, if you can’t put your client’s interest ahead of Christine’s, then step aside. Let number two take over.

Byron: We now have to go to court?

Paul: No, we are confident we’ll be able to handle this.

Byron: I hire one of the biggest law firms in Boston—definitely one of the most expensive—and I’m being neutralized by salmon man? Who happens to be your son.

Denny: Let me tell you something, Byron.

Paul: Brad Chase is one of our finest litigators. He will handle this.

Brad: Your honor, we’ve had meetings with the Environmental Protection Agency and they signed off on this already.

Donny: With all due respect, the EPA gets steamrolled by the administration all the time.

Brad: No matter what anyone proposes these days, there’s always somebody somewhere who jumps up and says, “Whoa, the environment.” Now there’s a word, your honor, a very simple word that describes what my client is trying to do here.

Judge Bishop: Please don’t let the word be ‘progress.’

Brad: How about ‘people’?

Judge Bishop: ‘People’?

Brad: Yes. We are trying to invest in the future of people. Creating jobs at a time of unemployment. We’re talking about over one thousand jobs. We’re talking about benefiting people below the poverty line. We are talking about people hoping to education their children, afford medical coverage, feed their families. Basic human needs. This man wants to put all that on hold because it inconveniences a fish.

Judge Bishop: Mr. Crane?

Donny: Well, first. This whole thing kinda goes to the whole farmed salmon issue. The government is trying to count these genetically raised salmon as wild ones.

Judge Bishop: So they can take salmon off the endangered species list. I get that. So what?

Donny: So what?

Brad: People, Judge. Jobs. Insurance. School books. Food. People.

Donny: Well, farmed salmon is terrible for people. They’re carcinogenic. They don’t even look like real salmon. By the way, they’re fed these little pellets to turn their meat red. Otherwise it’s this pallid, white –

Brad: People. Jobs. America first.

Donny: There’s a rumor—I can’t give evidence on this, but there’s a rumor the cattle they have to kill due to mad cow disease, they ground ‘em up and then feed the meat to the farmed salmon.

Brad: Objection, your honor. There is nothing in the record that even remotely substantiates that.

Judge Bishop: Counsel, the river in question only concerns wild salmon so can we get off the farmed salmon?

Donny: We’re talking about lifting the environmental protections on that river. They’re inflating the salmon count with the farmed numbers to get those protections lifted.

Brad: People. Jobs. Food chain.

Donny: Oh, yes. People and jobs. Wild salmon is a billion-dollar industry in this country alone. Once we destroy the wild salmon population – and that’s what we’re doing – that’s a billion-dollar industry gone. People. Jobs. School books. And we’ll have to go back to eating meat. People. Cancer.

Brad: We’ll just eat the farmed stuff. There’s nothing wrong with synthetic food, your honor. We live in a synthetic country, for God’s sake.

Donny: Whoa. And on that note, I’ll rest. Donny Crane.

Sally: You should’ve seen Seymore’s face. I think I’m about to get fired.

Alan: You won’t be fired.

Sally: What am I going to do? What can I possibly say in my closing? I’ve got nothing.

Alan: Rabbit.

Sally: I’m sorry?

Alan: Pull a rabbit out from under your dress. You know what Gerry Spence does in these hopeless situations? He just tells the jury a story.

Sally: A story?

Alan: Any story. As long as it’s interesting. He just entertains the jury. He gets them right here and in that moment when he has them right here he connects the story to his case. Sometimes barely. Sometimes ridiculously. And then he asks the jury to let his client go and, for God knows what reason, they often do. A good story may be your rabbit.

Christine: I’m sorry, Sally. This is a little important.  I need your number.

Alan: You have my number, Christine. I haven’t changed it.

Christine: Alan, every lawsuit eventually comes down to a number. What’s your number?

Alan: 750,000.

[Christine laughs]

Christine: And I’m the insane one. 250,000

Alan: It’s too low.

Christine: It’s more than fair. She got other employment.

Alan: At less pay.

Christine: The present-day value of 200—

Alan: That offer is rejected, Christine.

Christine: I don’t know if I’m up to closing. I think I am. But I don’t--. My client will only go up to 250. Please.

Alan: That number won’t get it done, Christine.

Ms. Huff: A man with felony priors for robbery and burglary. But this time, he stole the wallet by mistake. Sure.

Sally: One day I was in my kitchen, I think I was about 15, and in came Fred, my big chocolate Lab. In his mouth was a dead rabbit. The neighbor’s pet rabbit and I thought “This is it for Fred.” If they find out he killed their adored pet, Animal Control would be down, and --. So, I took the rabbit, washed him off in the sink, pulled out the blow dryer, got him all white and fluffy looking, and I snuck over to my neighbor’s backyard and I put him back in his cage, hoping they’d think he died of natural causes. That night my parents came into my room. The neighbor’s pet rabbit had died three days ago, they told me. They buried him in the woods, and some wacko evidently dug him up, washed him off, and put him back in the cage. But I remember thinking to myself the truth is not only stranger than fiction, but often less believable. And that’s what we have here, ladies and gentlemen. The logical version, I suppose, is that my client stole that wallet. The less believable, but quite possibly true account, is that he mistook it for his own. Nobody, not one of us, can be sure it didn’t happen exactly the way Ramone Valesquez said it did. That’s reasonable doubt.

Lori: People like to stare at their coffee a lot here.

Alan: All set?

Lori: Yep. You like being a lawyer, Alan?

Alan: I do, actually. You?

Lori: Yeah. Except for the days when the job is ugly. When you have to go against your instincts to be kind or compassionate. It’s important that she not close well. Alan gives her a bit of a smirk.

Alan: Some people simply cannot let go. You love a person so desperately. You perhaps begin to lose sight of reason. And you begin to act unreasonably, perhaps out of control, even. It’s possible Daniel Ralston had no control over his behavior. Maybe he truly couldn’t stop pursuing Wendy Moore. Maybe he had to keep calling. Had to schedule those lunches. Had to seemingly stalk her, if you will. He was in love with her. People in love lose their grip. But what’s at issue here is her state of mind. Her mental state. Not Mr. Ralston’s state of mind. But Wendy’s. Was she reasonably upset by this relentless pursuit? She’s a married woman with a family, trying to salvage her marriage and her boss keeps calling. Keeps coming. Keeps coming. Keeps propositioning her. The fact that she once loved this man only makes it worse. More difficult. What choice did she really have but to leave? Maybe that was his plan all the time. He knew he couldn’t fire her. Maybe that was his psychological game. Where the only thing she could really do in the end was get in her car, and drive off. He created a hostile working environment with repeated, un-welcomed sexual advances, ladies and gentlemen. That is prima facie classic sexual harassment.

Christine: Love happens in the workplace all the time. In fact, it’s where most affairs start. Most relationships. It happens. So do breakups. As a woman, I am offended by the onslaught of these lawsuits. As neutral as the language may be, sexual harassment law is gender biased. It exists to protect woman. It feeds into the perception that women are weaker than. It goes all the way back to common law where women were denied the right to enter into contracts because we lacked mental capacity. Today’s harassment law is designed to protect us from sexual banter in the workplace because we just can’t take it. I can take it. Can you? Can you? Do we really need to cleanse the workplace of all sexual expression so that it’ll be safe for us? These laws treat us as if we were either psychologically or emotionally impaired. And I’m sick of it. Are some cases legitimate? Absolutely. But here, this woman is a grown up. She entered into an adult consensual relationship with her boss. It ended. Perhaps bumpy. He’s hurt. He’s still in love. So she sues. She wasn’t fired. She is a college-educated vice president of a brokerage firm. She’s 34 years old. She’s a professional. She’s here today to tell you that she can’t stick up for herself. She is here today trying to take advantage of a law that declares women to be the weaker sex. Not for me, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn’t have gotten in my car and driven off. I’d have sooner driven over him. Let’s treat these people, both of them, as if they were grown-ups.

Judge Bishop: My own quick research reveals wild salmon, especially Atlantic salmon, are threatened with extinction. They’re an endangered species, which means the environmental protections on that river have to stay in place.

Brad: Your honor, they’re not endangered if you count the farmed salmon.

Judge Bishop: I’m not counting the farmed salmon. And the idea to count them is absurd. That river stays protected. Your variance is officially pulled. A permanent restraining order is now in effect.

Paul: I keep telling you, you talk too fast. You talk too damn fast. “America first.” “We’re a synthetic country.” What’s wrong with you?

Denny: The best man won in there.

Donny: You know, Dad, I’ve never really had a big trial to speak of. This is the.... For the last ten years or so, I’ve pretended to be you. Through college, law school, and I always felt like whenever I’d go into a courtroom, I’d kinda…channel you or something. But this is the first time I actually felt it. I was Donny Crane.

Denny: Yes. You were. Yes you were.

Juror: On the matter of Moore versus Ralston, on the question of liability, we find in favor of the plaintiff. We further order the defendant to pay damages in the amount of $125,000.

Alan: Damn it.

Judge Resnick: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your time. You are discharged.

Alan: I’m sorry.

Wendy: I got my verdict anyway. Thank you. Thank you.

Lori: You’re welcome.

Alan: Congratulations, Christine. You tried an excellent case.

Christine: Alan? I can and do accept that it’s over. The thing is, while I was institutionalized the only person who wrote to me, who came to visit me, who called me, was you. My world became quite two dimensional. There was the hospital and you, and when I was suddenly faced with having to walk away from both the hospital and you, it was more than I could.... But I am going to make it.

Alan: I have no doubt. You tried an excellent case. We should eat at that wonderful Indian place some time.

Christine: I’d like that.

Denny: You don’t think she’ll go Glenn Close on you, do you?

Alan: No. Out of compulsive curiosity I always befriend my most colorful ex-girlfriends.

Denny: Beautiful woman, Glenn Close. Always meant to have sex with her.

Sally: Well. I went with the rabbit.

Alan: Of what variety?

Sally: I told an urban legend story for my closing. Involved a rabbit. Got the jury right here.

Alan: And?

Sally: They came back in 32 minutes. Not guilty.

Alan: You’re kidding!

Sally: I thought we could celebrate. Like rabbits.

Alan: Your hutch or mine?

Sally: 9:00. My hutch. Be there. Sally Heep.

Denny: Well, it seems we’re all winners today. In court. In love.

Alan: You didn’t win in court today, remember? Your side lost.

Denny: Ooh, that’s right. He was really something. You should have seen him.

Alan: May I ask, how does a man not see his son in 15 years?

Denny: Oh, don’t start with me.

Alan: I’m being curious. Not judgmental. Is that who Denny Crane is?

[Denny sighs]

Denny: He’s not my son.

Alan: What do you mean he’s not your son?

Denny: His mother slapped me with a paternity suit. I settled. She came back, about 10 years later with a guilty conscience and admitted that I wasn’t the father. Just deep pockets. But I liked the kid. So I kept paying for his education and so forth.

Alan: Obviously he doesn’t know.

Denny: His mother said it would break his heart. He so liked being the son of Denny Crane. Hmmm. Who wouldn’t?

Donny: You’re not my father? I’m not your son? I’m not your son.

Denny: Not by blood.

Donny: Then how? You didn’t raise me. Who’s my father?

Denny: You’ll have to discuss that with your mother.

Donny: It’s all been a lie.

Denny: Hey. What wasn’t a lie was your performance in that courtroom. You’re a hell of a lawyer. You did channel me.

Donny: I—I gotta go. Sir? Is it all right if I keep the name?

Denny: Of course.

Donny: Donny Crane.

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