Marie: (making Alice’s doughnuts) Mom never trusted me with that recipe.
Bill: Or me.
Laura: Yeah, well, you can't even make canned soup, Bill.
Melanie: Well... [Laughs] You and Philip used to date in high school. Now he's gonna be your... wait, your stepson-in-law?
Chloe: [Chuckles] Well, it is Salem. Stranger things have happened.
Chloe: Melanie, I promise you... I'm gonna treat your father like gold.
Melanie: Yeah, you better. I'm serious, though. If you hurt him... I will treat you like gum on the bottom of my shoe, and I hate violence, so, girl, please don't make me crush you.
Bill: My God, Will, you're driving?
Will: Yes, my mom taught me. So look out.
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