Nicole: (protesting because Philip won’t let her bash Arianna during the news report) We have a responsibility to the viewing public.
Philip: Yeah, you know who else says that? Glenn Beck.
Nicole: How much more could Arianna’s good name be tarnished? She's a felon.
Melanie: Well, you're a felon, and look how far you've come.
Melanie: (to Nicole) Mm-hmm. Except you have nothing meaningful in life except for that little microphone thing, when all you really want is Brady. And you really think doing this to the woman that he is in love with is going to help you win him back? I knew you were evil, but i didn't know you were stupid.
Melanie: You better go fix your lips, Nicole. They're melting.
Vivian: Oh, Victor, I have been waiting for this unholy matrimony for decades. You can't die on me now!
Victor: Well, thank you for your concern, but I'm not ill. Except maybe in my head.
Victor: Well, I did agree to marry you, didn't I?
Vivian: Well... I did expect you to have buyer's remorse, after all, since you've been wed, uh, and cut dead so many times. But look, we are like Samson and Delilah, oh, Bonnie and Clyde, Bill and Hillary. Maybe that's not such a good example.
Brady: It's from Henderson.
Nicole: Henderson knows how to text? The man still has a victrola.
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