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One Life to Live Update Friday 4/18/03
By Brandon
Pictures by Juanita
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So, because there were infinitely more interesting things happening on Friday's episode of "One Life to Live," we won't be discussing the latest Natalie/Carlotta fight that occurred (wasn't it, like, the third one this week?), because it's a ridiculously tiresome plot point, and because Carlotta quite unrealistically has morphed into an irritating, meddlesome bitch and I can't take any more of it.
See, I feel better already.
Luckily or unluckily, depending on how you look at it, Natalie was busy with other things as well in this episode, mostly fretting over the inflated cost of wedding dresses. She and Roxy were over at the Hair Hut poring over bridal magazines looking at dresses -- most of which Natalie found to be ugly -- and wondering why they were so expensive. And then Roxy -- never content to leave well enough alone -- made Natalie feel even better by suggesting that she'd be better off leaving Jessica out of the wedding party, since Jess and Cristian were once a hot and heavy item, not to mention that Jess is smart and classy and beautiful and....
Natalie thanked Roxy for the input and headed off to the diner to find Cristian, whereupon she showed him the costly dresses in the magazines, lamenting that it costs too much for something that you'll only wear one time, and that most of them were hideous-looking besides. Cris got a frown on his face, and told Natalie that he was upset that she was the one bringing money into the house and that he was doing nothing. She reminded him that he was doing what he loves -- art -- and that he's getting paid for it as well. He told her Roxy's mural was a one-time deal, though, and that it was time that he found a steady job too. She told him that she would never ask him to give up doing something that he passionately loved, and that there was no sense in both of them having a job they couldn't stand, but he was hearing none of it, and grabbed the classifieds and split.
And that's when Natalie and Carlotta had their umpteenth run-in that we're not going to discuss.
Cris, meantime, saw an ad in the paper and thought it might be worth checking into: seems Asa was looking for yet another chauffeur. (Did I spell that right? It looks odd.) Asa was at the Palace hotel to interview applicants for the job -- Nigel was supposed to be doing that for Asa, you see, but he was otherwise occupied. We'll get to that in a bit.)
Anyway, so Rex the annoying horsefly got wind that Asa was looking for a new driver, and smelling a grand opportunity, promptly hustled himself over to Asa's table and introduced himself, then informed him that he'd like the job, and that he has great references and a spotless driving record. Asa asked Rex if he was still working for Renee, and he said yes, but that of course he'd give her two weeks notice. Asa told him no dice, that he just wasn't Buchanan material. Rex asked what that meant exactly, and Asa told him it meant loyalty, and that Rex has none. "Now go get me some juice," Asa added, and then got up to go make a phone call or something.
Well when Asa stood up, he either accidentally dropped his money clip, or he purposely dropped it to see what Rex would do -- I couldn't decide which, but I'm leaning toward the latter -- and Rex saw it. He looked down and saw those hundred dollar bills smiling up at him and couldn't resist for a second. He reached down subtlety and slipped the clip into his jacket pocket.
But Renee was standing right behind him and saw the whole thing. She walked up to Rex and informed him that he had just made a major mistake. Rex tried to play it cool, but Renee reached into his jacket and retrieved the clip. He asked her if she was going to report him, and she said she had a better idea: she was going to fire him. Then she added that she had a sneaking suspicion that now that he's history, all those mysterious burglaries at the hotel were going to magically stop. He tried to interrupt and say that he hasn't stolen anything, and she told him to shove it and get the hell out, and also warned him not to get on the wrong side of the likes of Asa Buchanan again.
So Rex went to over to the Hair Hut, which is where Nigel was. He had gone to see his beloved -- that's Roxy, you'll remember -- and tell her how much he has missed her. Roxy thought that Nigel and Asa were in Tokyo, but Nigel told her that he managed to get that meeting postponed by lying to both Asa and the Japanese dude, because he couldn't bear to be away from Roxy for all that time. Then they kissed and whispered sweet nothings to each other, until they heard Rex coming. Nigel then hid for a while as Rex came in and told Roxy that she needed to get to work on "the Asa project. "Rex told her that time was running out, and reminded her that Asa is worth billions. Roxy said that Rex shouldn't need to worry about that anymore now that he has his fancy-schmancy job at the ritzy hotel, and Rex told her that he quit his job and that the ball's in her court now. Roxy then told him that she's not interested in Asa any longer, that another man has stolen her heart. "Is he rich?" Rex asked. "Not exactly," she replied, then added that he does live in a mansion. She insisted that she's found true love this time and that she's not interested in bilking Asa anymore, so a disgusted Rex took off, telling her that he'd do it on his own. Nigel then came out of hiding, and they kissed some more and professed their love some more -- this story really is hilarious, and like I said a couple of weeks ago, it's all due to the acting talent involved here.
So anyway, then Renee showed up to talk to Roxy, and she told Roxy that she wanted to talk to her about Rex, and Roxy told her that he was just there and that he had told her about quitting his job. Renee informed Roxy that she had actually just fired Rex, because she had caught him stealing Asa's money clip. Roxy went into a panic as Renee asked her what she thought Asa might do if he found out about this, and Roxy replied that he might do something crazy like close her business down. She then grabbed a paper sack and hastily scribbled out a gift certificate for Renee -- free blow-outs and highlights for five years (!) -- and begged her not to say anything to Asa. Renee told her that she wouldn't tell him -- yet -- but that Roxy needed to have a serious talk with Rex. Roxy promised she would and thanked her, and Renee left, after which Roxy started berating herself for how Rex has turned out. Nigel tried to comfort her and ended up pulling her into a kiss.
Of which Renee got an entire eyeful, when she came back to the Hair Hut to tell Roxy something else. Renee was stunned to see Nigel there, when she knew he was supposed to be at the Palace conducting interviews. Nigel tried to talk his way out of it at first, but then finally confessed -- to a hilariously rattled Renee -- that Roxy is an angel, and that she has stolen his heart completely, and that he wants to marry her. Renee was speechless.
Meanwhile, back at the Palace, Cristian wowed Asa with his sincerity when he came to apply for the chauffeur position. Asa made Cris promise that in the fall, he would return to school -- because he doesn't want his granddaughter marrying a dropout -- and then told him that when he gets his chauffeur's license, the job is his.
Dorian was at the hospital today, dealing with moody Mitch, who was less than impressed with his wife's promptness in visiting his bedside. Dorian told him that she was of course gravely concerned with Mitch's condition, and has been in contact with the best doctors in the world so that he can get the best care and recovery. Mitch flat out warned Dorian not to betray him -- he does know her well, yes? -- and then ordered her to go and find Jessica. Dorian tried to tell him that he needs her help, not Jessica's, but Mitch insisted that she go find his daughter at once.
So Dorian left, and out in the hallway, she overheard Troy talking to someone else about "Mrs. Rappaport's" condition, and she realized that Lindsay was in the room across the hall. She asked Troy to check on Mitch -- "because he's awfully irritable" -- and then slipped into Lindsay's room.
Lindsay was thrilled to see her old friend, and they embraced for a bit and then started talking. Dorian expressed her sympathies over Lindsay's situation, and then revealed to her that Mitch is right across the hall. Lindsay was immediately terrified, but Dorian told her not to worry, that Mitch has had a little accident and is now blind. She assured her that Mitch won't be hurting anybody for a long time. She then coaxed Lindsay into telling her exactly what happened, and Lindsay -- who is now remarkably lucid -- explained the whole story to Dorian about Troy and Blair and Todd's gun and Mitch's influence over her. Dorian then promised her that she had a plan, and that all Lindsay had to do was follow her lawyer's instructions to a tee. Lindsay told her that her lawyer is Evangeline Williamson, and that Mitch hired her just to keep Lindsay under his thumb. Dorian revealed to her that she herself hired Evangeline, not Mitch, and that she needs to do exactly what Evangeline tells her to do, and that if she does, then they'll all get what they want. "Except for Mitch, of course," Dorian added with a smile.
Troy walked in about that time, and demanded to know what Dorian was doing in Lindsay's room. Dorian told him that she was checking in with an old friend, nothing more, and Troy told her that Lindsay isn't allowed to have any visitors. Dorian told Lindsay she'd see her later and quietly left, satisfied. She later got Troy alone and insisted that he allow her to take Mitch home to recover. Troy told her it wasn't a good idea at this point, because Mitch is in an entirely new world now and needs to time to adjust to his blindness slowly and correctly. He told her that until Mitch properly has his bearings, even a small accident could be fatal. Dorian gave Troy a completely sincere-looking smile and assured him that she intends to take extremely good care of her husband.
Meanwhile, at the cottage, Joey begged Jessica not to get involved with Mitch because of her guilt. Jessica didn't want to hear any of Joey's words of warning, and asked him why he doesn't believe that Mitch deserves a second chance. Joey tried to convince her that Mitch doesn't want a second chance, and that he's even more dangerous now that he's blind because he can play on her sympathies for as long as he wants to now, and Jessica told him to butt out and let her do what she needs to do.
Joey later exploded into Mitch's hospital room -- literally, he hit the door so hard with his fist that the whole set rattled, it was cool and terrific -- and told him to leave Jessica the hell alone.
And Jessica had another run-in with Cole in Angel Square. He approached her and told her that he's not the bad guy that Antonio has painted him out to be. Jessica tried to get him to just leave her alone, and Antonio happened upon them about that time and told Cole the exact same thing: leave her alone. Cole made some crack about how fast Antonio has gotten over his dead girlfriend and her baby, and Antonio, in one clean efficient punch, knocked Cole right off his feet. Then they had quite a fistfight right there in the square, and I'm not sure who won it either. Antonio later told Jessica that he can't arrest Cole since he himself started the fight by throwing the first punch, but that he didn't think that Cole was going to jeopardize his parole by turning him in. And Cole later told Rex -- who had come to him to accept his job offer -- that Antonio was a dead man.