OLTL Update Friday 3/7/03

One Life to Live Update Friday 3/7/03

By Brandon
Pictures by Juanita

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So if you missed Friday's episode of "One Life to Live" then you missed one of those fun, time-tested soap opera tricks that never fails to be fascinating: in a deft plotting move that, if rumors are to be believed, will pay off in explosive dividends, no fewer than four completely individual storyline threads collided into one massive entity.

But more on that in a bit. First, we must devote attention to a couple of other great things about today's show, in which this truly crackerjack music selection team came up with another winner: Peter Gabriel's riveting "I Grieve" -- from his challenging and completely worthwhile album "Up" (as well as the "City of Angels" soundtrack) -- opened the show today. Can you imagine how lucky we are to be watching a soap opera and be treated to the likes of Tori Amos and David Gray and Peter Gabriel and Sarah McLachlan and Coldplay on a regular basis? Doesn't it just add magnificent texture and atmosphere to the show? I vow to thank every day the people, whomever you blessed souls are, who are signing off on these decisions.

Next, and even more significant -- for reasons that are myriad -- The Worst Storyline in the History of the Universe (you all know by now which one I'm referring to) is officially done, at least as we know it. The long wrenching nightmare is finally over, kids! We'll cover this one quickly -- so as not to jinx it, you understand. Keri was at RJ's apartment lost in thought as the episode opened, and RJ walked in and asked her if she was OK. She quickly said yes, and then she said no, and then she said she didn't know. She wanted to be sure that she was doing the right thing by fleeing town and refusing Antonio to have access to the baby. RJ assured her that she was, that sooner or later Antonio was destined to figure out the truth about the baby's maternity -- listen, even the act of typing that phrase was hideous! -- if she stays in town. Then they talked about their own relationship and how it hasn't been exactly a run-of-the-mill one. If you missed these scenes, don't fret, because -- just like all but a handful of the sum of this plot's scenes -- they were scripted wrong, they were acted badly, they hit all the wrong notes, and they were largely unwatchable.

Liz showed up then and announced that Antonio has taken out a restraining order against her, barring her and the baby from leaving Llanview. RJ was furious, Keri was furious, Liz was furious, and I was woozy. But then RJ chartered a private jet or something and that saved the day. Then Keri said goodbye to her father, and then Liz said goodbye, and then RJ said goodbye to the baby and promised to visit, and then they left. I'm not kidding, it was so anticlimactic. Not that I'm complaining because at least it's over now, but seriously! No big emotional farewell or anything!

Some time later, RJ got a phone call from somebody with the jet company he chartered from. It was bad news. The jet crashed, and there were no survivors.

(Now, don't fret out there kids, you KNOW that Keri and the baby survived somehow -- but honestly, would it really be so bad if they didn't, and we never had to lay eyes on either of them ever again? But of course they're still alive. Now Liz on the other hand, that poor heifer is dead as a doornail, so at least one good thing came of it all.)

Cristian and Natalie had another bizarre faceoff with Carlotta at the diner today. How tiresome does this story continue to get? Who would have thought that there would be a more boring couple than Cris and Jen? Tell me the truth now: am I the only one who fails -- and, like, completely -- to buy this grand love that Cris and Natalie supposedly have for each other? I'm perfectly willing to believe that it's just because I honestly don't give a flying damn about either of them, but honest to God, I don't see even a hint of a spark betwixt them, and yet they continue to get tons of airtime (and at the expense of people we really do give a flying damn about, like Asa and Nora and Bo and Nora and Renee and Nora and....)

Anyway, here's the basic gist of that Natalie/Carlotta confrontation today: Natalie accused Carlotta of hating her; Carlotta confirmed that. Natalie accused Carlotta of not wanting her anywhere near Cristian; Carlotta confirmed that as well. Then Natalie said something or other about how she'll never compare to Jessica or Jen in Carlotta's eyes, and Carlotta confirmed that one too. Then Nat revealed that Jen was really pregnant with Al's baby, not Cris', and then they told her that they were moving out. Then they left.

Oh, speaking of Nora! She got a little bone thrown her way today! She ran into Antonio at the police station and talked to him about the whole Liz/Keri mess. She offered to talk to Liz and Keri both about the situation to try to put in a good word for Antonio, and he told her not to waste her time, that it's over. Nora told him that it's not over by a long shot -- that it's a sticky situation but that it's not entirely his fault, and that he never set out to intentionally hurt Keri, and that the love they shared was the genuine article and it's not the kind of thing that one can get over very easily, even if one wants to. She then told him that Keri is probably extremely angry with him right now, but that it won't last forever, and that their paths will cross again one day, he just needs to be patient.

Now, the whole time that I was sitting there watching my favorite character on all of daytime television giving Antonio the drip this charming li'l pep talk, I was thinking: how on earth did she get herself roped into this trainwreck of a storyline? And then it dawned on me -- oh, wait a second, her entire storyline the past five years has been a trainwreck!

Anyway, Antonio turned it around on her and asked her if she can ever forgive Troy for his indiscretions with Lindsay, and she told him absolutely not. Then she said that it wouldn't bother her at all to never have to look at either one of them ever again. She took the words right out of my mouth!

Blair and Troy continued their pity party at his loft, toasting to their chaotic romantic lives and the clean slates they now have. And Lindsay was down in the alley below the loft wandering aimlessly. She happened to look up and see Troy talking to a woman and assumed it was Nora. So of course she made a beeline upstairs and stormed into the loft, demanding to know how he convinced Nora to take him back. She saw Blair standing there and realized quickly that it wasn't Nora after all. Did that stop her from completely misreading the situation anyhow? Are you kidding? Not one shred of logic has ever been involved in a single one of Lindsay's decisions, ever. She saw Blair standing there drinking champagne and smiling, and she saw Starr fast asleep on the bed, and she realized that Troy actually doesn't want her after all. It all came crashing down upon her in one smashing instant.

Blair woke Starr up and told her it was time that they left. Troy tried to apologize to Blair as she was leaving, and Blair told him not to worry about -- that they actually met somebody who is more pathetic than either of them. So then after they were gone, Troy told Lindsay that she could leave as well, and Lindsay took that as her cue to begin disrobing. Troy told her again to leave, that he doesn't want her and he never did, and he only slept with her as a means to an end, and Lindsay kept trying to paw and kiss him, so Troy finally had to get vicious with his words, and when he was done, Lindsay was nothing but a whimpering hollow shell, trembling and sobbing. It finally sunk in that he doesn't love her and doesn't desire her and never will. He told her again to get dressed and get out, and she finally did.

Meanwhile, over at Mitch's, Todd continued to hold him at gunpoint, explaining that because of him, Todd has lost his home and his money and his wife and his children. So now it's Mitch's turn, Todd declared. But as he was about to pull the trigger and end it, Jessica showed up, and begged Todd not to throw his life away over someone like Mitch. Todd insisted it would be worth it, and that Viki would get to keep Llanfair and the money and all of it, and that Mitch would never be able to hurt them again. Jessica countered that they would lose Todd, and that would hurt even more. She told him that he was better than this, that he's not a cold-blooded murderer, that he has a heart. She begged him again not to kill Mitch, and he considered it for a minute or two and then turned around and left without a word. Mitch thanked Jessica for saving his life, and she told him flatly that she did it for Todd, not for him. Mitch tried to tell Jess again that he loves her very much, and she told him to prove it by tearing up Victor's new will. He refused, and she left, saying she still wants nothing at all to do with him.

Todd turned up in the alley down by the docks, thinking about Victor Lord and about the shambles of his life. He was still holding the gun in his hand, and that's when a completely devastated Lindsay happened upon him. He pointed the gun at her, and she asked him what in hell he was doing. He told her that he almost killed someone with the gun earlier in the evening. Lindsay replied that she would have done the same thing if she had been in his shoes and had had to listen to Blair gloating. Blair? Todd asked, wondering what she had to do with anything, and Lindsay revealed to him that Blair had spent the evening in Troy's apartment, and that Starr slept on Troy's bed, and that Blair and Troy looked awfully cozy together. She then said she understands rejection, and that she wouldn't blame him at all if he marched right upstairs and blew Troy's brains out.

Todd shot her that indifferent grin of his, and then threw the gun into a trash barrel and walked away. Lindsay walked up to the barrel and stared intently at the weapon for a few minutes, even reached out to grab it at one point, and then finally she too walked away, never realizing that Mitch had been standing in the shadows watching the entire exchange. He walked up to the trash barrel and, with a gloved hand (so as to preserve the fingerprints), reached inside and retrieved the gun. He slipped it into his pocket with an evil gleam in his eye, and then he got his cell phone and made a phone call, telling the person on the other end that it wouldn't be long now -- the plan was coming together and the Lord fortune would soon belong to them.

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