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One Life to Live Update Tuesday 3/4/03
By Brandon
Pictures by Juanita
proofread by Theresa
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In a stunning change of pace, there were so many different things happening on Tuesday's episode of "One Life to Live" that I got dizzy trying to keep track of it all. When was the last time you could say that and mean it?
Which is not to say that it was all terribly interesting -- you've certainly seen more riveting hours of television, don't doubt it for a minute -- but at least Josh, Michael and the gang showed today that they still know what the word "showmanship" means.
Hey, it's a start, guys.
I'd like to take a moment before we get the ball rolling here to send out major kudos to whoever at ABC is supervising the music selection on this show. Did you all catch Tori Amos again playing in the background on yesterday's episode? (At the end of the Viki/Natalie conversation at the diner, "Carbon" -- track number four from Tori's magnificent album "Scarlet's Walk" -- could be heard loud and clear.) Did you happen to catch David Gray's music playing twice during the two-week "Storm of Change" storyline? (One time it was "This Year's Love" -- one of the all-time classic heartbreakers -- and I forget what the other song was -- might've been "Be Mine.") I'd like to plant a big ol' kiss on the lips of the person who is choosing such an inspired soundtrack for my show; how cool is it gonna be when the rest of the show catches up to the magnificence of its background music?
OK, enough about that, let's talk about today's episode, and a flagrant, completely unbelievable rewrite of history. I know, I know how odd it is to bring this up, given the fact that I can totally buy the fact that Mitch is still alive, and I can totally buy that Victor wasn't really murdered years ago, and I can totally buy that Viki had two daughters instead of one twenty years ago. I totally get that fudging the facts in the name of dramatic license is par for the course on this show these days. But did you all catch Joey and Al today at the student union, carrying on like they were lifelong friends? Um, what?! That never happened! They aren't the same age! They didn't grow up together! I remember clearly -- and by the by, so should this writing team, being as they were writing the show during these years -- when Joey and Dorian were sleeping together and Al was still, like, ten years old! Rub a lamp, folks!
Anyway, Joey tracked down Al at the college as he was studying. Let me tell you something: that boy was high as three kites. Whatever Rex and that freaky dealer dude hooked Al up with the other day is some fierce stuff; make no mistake. Joey walked into the building and Al literally leapt out of his chair and practically tried to tackle the guy, pulling him into a monster bear hug and literally taking him off his feet for a few seconds. Joey was absolutely stunned by the gesture -- as was I, incidentally, though probably not for the same reasons. Anyway, Joey explained that he's a curate now (after Al noticed the collar) and started asking Al about CJ. Al said that he hadn't heard from him in months, but that CJ had emailed him over a year ago and told him that he was making big changes in his life. Al later remembered that CJ had told him he was living in a town in Michigan, and Joey thanked him. Then they started talking about when they were kids and they used to shoot hoops together and hang out together, and something about how Joey used to break into the rectory or something, so it's ironic that he's now a minister-in-training. I don't know, I would have paid better attention except I was getting nauseous because NONE OF THAT EVER HAPPENED!
Meanwhile, Marcie was at the student union watching Joey, the object of her affection, and doodling his name in her spiral notebook. Jen walked up to her and Marcie pointed Joey out and explained that he was Jessica and Natalie's brother. (Jen's response: "Poor guy.") Then Jen and Marcie had a pointless conversation that had nothing to do with anything.
Joey, meantime, thanked Al for the information and told him to lay off the coffee, and then left. Then Jessica showed up to see Al, and she too was struck by his awesome bursts of energy. She suggested they study together since she too is so far behind, and Al turned her down, saying he's got his schedule all planned out and that he studies better alone anyhow.
Jen turned up later at the Palace bar to see Lindsay, who was passing time cozying up to a highly uninterested Gabrielle. Seems Lindsay has heard the news about Nora joining the DA's office and couldn't wait to "warn" Gabby about Nora's tactics -- namely, Lindsay explained in her own helpful way, Gabrielle shouldn't trust Nora's "let's be girlfriends" routine, because that's what she always does before she's getting ready to steal someone else's man. Gabrielle more or less ignored her, but you could tell that she clearly heard what Lindsay was saying to her and that she was pondering it carefully.
That's when Jen showed up, much to Lindsay's delight. Lindsay suggested they go back to Jen's place and have a girls night out, or something to that effect, and Jen said that she didn't want to go back to the loft because there are still too many memories of Cristian there. She then asked if she could move in with Lindsay for a while until she found another place, and Lindsay quickly KO'ed that suggestion, saying the gallery is really small. Jen immediately read between the lines on that one, and called her mother on it: she's still foolishly waiting for Troy to come to her. Lindsay admitted that she figured that Troy would come running to her as soon as he and Nora broke up and that it hasn't happened yet. Jen told her mother to get a grip -- that Troy would rather be alone than be with her. Lindsay pouted profusely.
Meanwhile, at the bar, that annoying Flash was having Rex serve her drinks. (Didn't we establish the other day that she's, like, underage? So isn't that, like, illegal?) Renee caught her as she was walking in and told her she was no longer allowed in her establishment, but Flash whipped out the hundred dollars that Joey gave her and handed it over to her, saying it should take care of the damage to the hotel room that she trashed last week. Anyway, so Flash got comfortable at the bar next to one of the hotel guests, who happened to leave his room key on the bar. And somehow Flash got her hands on the key, because sometime later -- long after she had left -- he ran up to Renee and told her that his room had been robbed. Renee immediately put two and two together.
Flash was in Angel Square by this time, talking to Joey, who was filling her in on CJ's last known whereabouts and on his next plan to find him. (I don't know, something about going to the Banner and getting on the internet, something like that.) As they were getting ready to head down there, Renee showed up with a police officer, who immediately slapped cuffs on Flash and put her under arrest.
Bo, Nora, and Hank also had their hands full, as Mitch's lawyer Evangeline tried to pull a new trick out of her hat by pulling them all down to the judge's office to request that all the Jason's Landing charges be dropped from the case as a result of bad police procedure on the part of the JL cops. The judge was highly un-amused by Evangeline's sense of timing (because it pulled him away from a "highly enjoyable" dinner party) but listened to her and Nora make their cases. (The best part of these scenes was realizing that this goofy heifer actually thought she was going to be able to pull one over on Nora, who had her chewed up and spit out in, like, three bites.) Nora explained that this was all nonsense, that Mitch was an evil man who was seconds away from cutting out a woman's heart, and that that was an integral part of their case against Mitch. The judge then turned it over to Evangeline, asking her for more than hearsay as a way to prove her claim that the police acted incorrectly. Evangeline had no affidavits or anything else, and the judge told her to never ever waste his time like this again, and that all the charges would stand -- Mitch would be standing trial for all of it.
Nora and Bo were quite pleased, and Hank warned them not to get too confident -- that Evangeline clearly means business on this one, and that Mitch must have more surprises up his sleeve. Bo later told him to stay away from Viki, and that if he comes within 100 yards of Llanfair, he'd be arrested for trespassing and his bail would be revoked. Mitch assured him that he could visit Llanfair whenever he likes, and it won't be trespassing either.
And that seems pretty much true, despite Viki and Todd's best efforts: they were in Victor's room with a video camera, trying to get Victor to tell them what he wants his will to say, since he's too weak to write up a new one. Of course Victor did the requisite hemming and hawing, telling Viki to let go of the past and that the Lord legacy is all that matters, and Viki begged him to tell them what he wants -- "if you ever loved me, you'll do this," Viki actually said at one point. They then got him to say that he didn't want Mitch Laurence to get everything, and Victor started to say "I, Victor Lord, being of sound--." Then his monitor started to flat line suddenly, much to Viki and Todd's horror. Troy and the doctors rushed in to try to save him, but it was too late. Troy later explained to them that Victor had had a major stroke and went into complete organ failure, and that there was nothing they could do.
Viki and Todd were devastated, but Viki tried to keep Todd optimistic, saying that they'll fight this new will on the grounds that Victor was coerced, and that Mitch won't beat them. Todd was uncertain, and he told Viki he was sorry that Victor couldn't admit what he did to Viki all those years ago, not even on his deathbed. Viki told him that she thinks he did cop to it in his own way -- that that was what he meant when he told her to leave the past alone. She then told Todd that she wasn't angry anymore, that all she wanted was to go home to her children.
So she went home, and found Mitch waiting for her in the library. He had already been to the hospital and found out that Victor was dead, and couldn't wait to rub it in. Viki demanded to know what he was doing in her home, and he gleefully told her that it wasn't her home any longer.
Also, quickly, the Worst Storyline in the History of Television continued the countdown to its merciful finale -- in case you all haven't heard, it's all over this week when Liz and Keri and the baby are involved in a plane crash, which is easily the most exciting news I've heard in months -- as Keri announced that she was leaving town, and Antonio went to her -- at Jessica's naive suggestion -- and told her that nobody is keeping him from his daughter, that he's prepared to follow Liz wherever she goes. I'll be honest, I fast forwarded through most of this because it's all so desperately stupid and not worth a second of our precious time here, but just from what I caught of their facial expressions as they were speeding by, I can tell you that Keri is still angry, Antonio is still angry, and I still HATE THIS STORYLINE.
Oh, and one more thing: Bo and Nora and Hank later turned up at the Palace to talk about the Mitch case more, and Bo walked over to Lindsay and Jen. Lindsay asked if Bo and Nora were working late, and Bo -- hilariously and heroically -- completely ignored her and turned his attention to Jen, revealing to her that he needs her cooperation with the case, and that he's prepared to do whatever he needs to do to get it, up to and including having her subpoenaed in court and having her labeled a hostile witness. Lindsay grabbed Jen and told Bo to contact Sam if he needs anything further regarding Jen, and then promptly hustled her daughter out of there.
And of course, Gabrielle happened to see Bo and Nora walk in together, and she didn't seem all that pleased about it either.
And that's a wrap, kids.