OLTL Update Thursday 1/16/03

One Life to Live Update Thursday 1/16/03

By Laura
Pictures by Juanita

proofread by Theresa

In the interest of brevity... a nutshell summary of Thursday's episode of "One Life to Live": Jen was busted, Mitch was busted, Asa and Max were busted, and Blair was busted.

(And if I didn't think Suzanne would kill me, I'd push "send" right now and go to bed and forget that I actually had to (a) sit through this episode of television; (b) take notes on it; and (c) tell you about it.)

Aw, shucks, let's get on with it. If this recap seems a bit shorter than usual today, it's simply because nothing at all exciting happened on the show today, and as any good magician will tell you, to pull a rabbit out of a hat, you first need... a hat.

Oh, I'm sure a few of you will think I lied in the previous paragraph, because Todd and Blair locked lips today. But I'll tell why that wasn't exciting: their characters make no sense and haven't for months (if not years, though Todd has admittedly been showing signs of life lately), this cohabitation scenario that they've been playing out for ENDLESS weeks is so pitifully forced and anchorless; and they've been back and forth so often now that who gives a damn anymore?! But anyway, they spent a good part of the hour bickering with each other about how each one is jealous of the other -- Todd said Blair was jealous of Shawna, and Blair said Todd was jealous of Sam, Todd said Blair's fling with Sam is nothing but a rebound thing, Blair said that wasn't true, Todd said it was, Blair said it wasn't.... I swear, twenty minutes in, I was wishing for one of those Antonio/Keri/Liz scenes so I could at least have some good comedy material for this recap.

Anyway, the doorbell rang at the penthouse, and Todd told Blair to hide behind the couch. (Yeah, because NOBODY could find you there!) It was Shawna, proud as a peacock because she wrote the newspaper story that "everybody in Llanview is talking about." Shawna decided it was time to try and seduce Todd again, because before you know it she was telling him all about her attraction to men, men with power, bad boys, you name it. Todd was getting amused by the performance, but Blair wasn't, especially when Todd and Shawna plopped onto the couch that Blair was hiding behind. Shawna was laying it on thick and hearty, and finally Blair had had enough and she knocked over a lamp to distract them.

Todd blamed it on Starr and Shawna bought it, but Todd said it was time for her to go. After Shawna left, Todd and Blair began arguing all over again, the exact same witless conversation they were screaming at each other for the first half of the show, I swear to God! Todd hates Sam, Blair hates Shawna, Todd's jealous, Blair's jealous, no he's not, no she's not, somebody stop this madness!! Then, Blair threw a pillow at Todd or tried to hit him with it or something, and all of a sudden they were in each other's faces and fell into a passionate kiss.

And, not coincidentally, I went fishing for some Excedrin.

But wait, there was more: Natalie and Viki had themselves a conversation about family. Viki was telling her daughter about how much of her family is gone -- her father, her mother, all of her siblings (Meredith, Tony, Tina), almost all of her children, all of her husbands. Viki then told Natalie about her daughter Megan and how much Natalie reminds Viki of her. (And I hadn't really thought about it, but it's true, they are very much alike. And not for nothing, but how much do we still miss Megan's presence on this show? Jessica Tuck was one of those miracle workers, she often took weak material and made it sing just by the sheer force of her personality -- and when she actually got good material (i.e. the Ruby Bright days, her friendship with Marco Dane, and the slow realization that she was going to die), she was unbeatable.) Anyway, Natalie assured Viki that she wasn't going anywhere because she loves and needs her mom. Viki was pleased.

Then they talked about Cristian, and Viki told her that love was the strongest thing in the universe and it would always find a way. Or something like that.

Meanwhile, Sam was over at Mitch's about to beat the living crap out of the man. He had gone there to find out the exact nature of Mitch's relationship with that insufferable twit Jen, and Mitch spun Sam quite a doozy of a tale about how Jen threw herself at him following Cristian's rejection. Sam didn't really buy it and was beginning to think that Jen didn't know Mitch at all and that the article in the Sun was a lie. But at that exact second, Jen knocked on Mitch's door, and Mitch happily let her inside.

She looked guilty immediately, and Sam totally didn't buy her "explanation" that she had come to Mitch's house to explore the possibility of them suing the Sun for printing lies about them. And Sam as much as told Jen that he didn't believe her when he got her back to his house. He told her he loved her very much, and that she's been acting strangely for a long time now, and that he's been very worried about her, and then he urged her to come clean about whatever it is she's been up to.

Mitch, incidentally, later got a mysterious phone call from Allison Perkins, and whatever she told him made him very happy. Allison later showed up at the jail, where Natalie had gone to visit Cristian. Evidently, Allison is going to be Cris' new cellmate. Curiouser and curiouser, true?

Oh, and at the end, Viki showed up at Mitch's door, and the look on Mitch's face when he saw her echoed my sentiments exactly: "What now?!"

Asa called Roxanne and told her that time was up, that he needed to know what her choice was going to be. She still wasn't ready to give him an answer yet, so she stalled and said she'd come see him at the mansion later, to tell him in person. Then she and Max started talking, and he told her again how brave she was to stand up to Mitch like she did. And to protect Jessica, natch! Roxy was feeling guilty and she finally broke down and told Max that Asa has been wooing her, that he wants to take her away and buy her houses and take her gambling and buy her leopard-skin-print anything her heart desires. "Are you going to take him up on it?" Max asked. "Unless you give me a reason not to," Roxy replied.

She told him then that she knows he doesn't love her -- he's told her so point blank a hundred and fifty million times -- but that deep down she believes he likes her, even just a little, and that she wants to stick it out with Max for a spell, take it slow, become friends. Al interrupted them at this point and got his father alone, whereupon he excitedly revealed that Roxy has a new man. "It's Asa!" Al exclaimed, giddy at the thought that this woman would be leaving soon. Max told Al that he already knows it, and that it's all a scam to get Roxy to dump Max. "Well it's obviously worked," Al said. Then Max decided to call it off, because he doesn't want to make a fool of Roxy. Max called Asa and told him the deal was off.

But it's just a tad too late for that, methinks. See, Rae strong-armed Nigel into spilling the beans about Roxanne and Max and Asa and the deal the two men struck to rid themselves of their wives. And Rae was livid to hear that Renee was in on it as well, that her "breakdown" was all just an act. Rae told Nigel that she was going to make sure Asa didn't get away with his little plot. Which is why it's a tad unfortunate that Roxy showed up at the mansion. Rae answered the door and Roxy told her that she probably should know that Asa has asked her to run away with him. Rae responded by telling Roxy that she should probably know that Max and Asa have both been playing her for a fool.

I'll leave you with this little morsel: the preview for tomorrow showed Viki and Nora both at Mitch's house, and from the looks of it, Nora has her located her brain yet again! Wonders never cease! Brings new meaning to TGIF, agreed? See you all tomorrow.

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