One Life to Live Update Thursday 11/28/02
Pictures by Juanita
proofread by Theresa
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Well, it was just another Thursday for our friends in Llanview on today's "One Life to Live" and, in keeping with the apparent edict from on high that nothing on this show should be based in reality or make a bit of sense, not one mention was made of Thanksgiving that I recall. Wait, that's a lie, Marcy -- the best friend from hell -- mentioned that the hospital would be like a ghost town this weekend because of the "holiday." And that would have been convenient for Jen, too, had her plan gone just a tad smoother. You see, these two crazy young 'uns cooked up a plot to have Jen put back in the hospital, so as to further stall Cris from dumping Jen. Marcy had it all set up at the hospital, too, with a phony exam room and the fact that Dr. Conklin was leaving town for the holiday. Then she went to the loft and tried to tell Cris and Jen that it was a "horrible mistake" that Jen was released this early and had to go back into the hospital immediately. Jen played along, telling Cris that was probably why she passed out. (Pshaw!) Cris was hesitant at first but then went with it, and went to get his keys and coat. At least, that's what he told her. What he really went to do was call Dr. Conklin's office, and he found out that she never sent Marcy to fetch them and that Jen is absolutely fine. Busted, you witches!
So Cris promptly sent Marcy away, got Jen to stand still, and tried to begin all over again telling her that this relationship is finished. He started from the top too, about how he lost Jessica and messed up his hand and couldn't paint for a while and was depressed, and then about how he met her and was happy for a while. Then, versus her stammering about how much she loves him, he eased into those Natalie waters. "Things have changed," he said gently. "I need to tell you how I feel about Natalie."
...Natalie, Natalie.... That girl was a conflicted, frustrated, angry ball of wax today, boys and girls. Viki, in full mama bear mode, assured her repeatedly that none of this mess with Mitch was her fault, that she was just as much a victim as everyone else in Mitch's path, and that she needs to hightail it out of town pronto. Natalie said she wasn't going anywhere, and had no intention of leaving Viki alone to fight Mitch all by herself. Viki told her that she was bringing Bo into the mix and that she could take care of herself just as long as she knew that her daughters were safe and sound. "So go pack!" she said, and Natalie evidently was sated by that on the walk from the Llanfair library to the Llanfair staircase, whereupon she remembered the first time she met Mitch -- like, two weeks ago, natch! -- and how he told her that their meeting was ordained and their friendship was ordained and whatever came toward them in the future was ordained too. Well that got her pissed off all over again, so she left. Now where do you think she went, friends? Ben and Jerry's? The movies? To find out if ANYONE in town realized what day it was? Naw, don't be silly! She went to Mitch's for round two, of course, which she kicked off in earnest by slapping the living crap out of him. He expressed his delight at seeing his wife again and she sure didn't return that sentiment. She immediately unloaded on him, calling him every name in the book, including but not limited to "sick, psychotic, barely even human...." You get the picture. She railed at him for stealing her childhood by pairing her with Roxanne the lush -- his response to that was that she turned out fine and that he likes his women a little feisty anyway. She then told him that she was so incredibly thankful that she never slept with him (because she'd "never feel clean again," she said with utter contempt) and that she does indeed intend to get an annulment immediately: Cris is the man she loves, the only man she'll ever love, and she won't let some psycho keep them apart. Mitch responded by pulling out his hidden ace: if she wants Cristian to stay alive, she'd better stay married. Them's fightin' words!
In the meantime, Viki told Bo the entire sordid story about Mitch and Jessica, which she had confirmed by the DNA tests run on the lock of hair that Mitch donated. Bo tried to comfort her by telling her that Mitch had raped her and drugged her and none of it was her fault, but she was so angry that her mind was so fragile that she simply forgot the existence of one of her children. (Actually, she should have said two of her children, because I know I'm not the only one who remembers when she totally forgot about having Megan! Continuity, people!) Bo told her he'd get on the case immediately, that they'd find a way to corral Mitch, and he got on the phone to the station, whereupon he did indeed mention knowing that it was a holiday. So there! But why is no one eating?! Sam came up with the perfect ruse to explain for any prying eyes why he'd be spending large amounts of time at Todd's penthouse in the future: he dummied up some papers to make it look like Cassie is suing for custody of Starr and Jack. So now Sam can go visit Blair anytime he wants! This is much to Todd's obvious chagrin, as he was comforting Blair from a terrifying nightmare about the hit man right before Sam showed up to explain all of this. Why hasn't anyone on this show figured out that stoking Todd's ire isn't the best course of action? I mean, honestly!
Meanwhile, Asa and Roxanne spent the night in jail as a result of their illegal gambling adventure, which was found out when Roxie blabbed about it to some undercover cops at Rodi's. "So I'm a sucker for a short haircut and a plaid shirt!" (Incidentally, so am I, but that's another story.) Roxie whined to Asa from the adjoining cell. "Yeah, and lots of booze!" Asa replied. This part was actually kind of funny because these two started out hating each other but somewhere along the way that tide turned because by the end of the episode you could totally tell that Asa was charmed by the kooky lush, especially after she had expressed her disbelief that Asa's own son had arrested him, and that the patriarch of the family deserves respect. Well those words are just right up Asa's alley, so I smell a burgeoning love match. And don't tell me that's unlikely, because if Bo can be in love with Gabrielle (!) of all people, than anything goes. Of course anything goes! It's Llanview, the place where no pregnancy is normal, nobody is sane, and no wedding makes it through to the end! See you guys next week! Happy, um... holiday!