OLTL Update Thursday 7/4/02

 

 

One Life to Live Update Thursday 7/4/02

By Laura

Since OLTL had a little fun today for Independence Day, I've decided that I'm going to have a little fun too. I'm going to write a review of today's show instead of a daily summary.

OLTL's 'Babes Behind Bars', as a cross between 'Dante's Inferno' where Allison is the guide for Lindsay's underworld tour, and 'Chicago' where we get an hour-long version of the 'Cell Block Tango', no viewer could have possibly gone away less than entertained.

Lindsay awakes in black and white to find that everyone in the jail is gone. Sneaking out an unlocked cell door, she realizes that it must be her own personal Independence Day, and begins her search for her prison mates. She finally finds them, in a room, dancing and singing about being "Bad Girls." The guard, the lady in power with a voice to match, leads the others in the song as Lindsay finally catches on and starts singing too, just as the song ends. They all laugh at her but its short-lived because the guard asks her and Allison to show the ropes to the new inmates.

Upon sight of the first new inmate, Allison lunges at and strangles, Roxy, who's doing time for locking Max in the Break Bar freezer because he "... just kept 'her' hanging on." As we've seen once or twice before in earlier episodes, Roxy can be quite sexy and sultry when she wants to be, and its completely unavoidable when she sings. In fact, Allison's so impressed that she begins to feel sorry for Roxy and no longer wants to kill her.

Allison, who probably knows she can't sing a note, wants to sing about her feelings for her beloved Dave. Lindsay reminds her, loudly and repeatedly, that Dave is actually Ben. So Allison takes a hint, and in her pretty prison prom dress, sings to a wall-sized picture of 'Ben' that he's got "a friend in 'her'" if ever he should need one.

Lindsay realizes that they all have something in common; no man deserves their love, respect, or attention. New inmate Blair waltzes in and informs Lindsay that she doesn't even know the half of it. She adds that since Todd's disappeared, she had to find another way to make him pay, so she burned down the Sun (Todd's newspaper, that is). She swears that all men are trouble and sings that (at least until tomorrow) she'll "never fall in love again." If anyone has ever gone to a Super Soap weekend, they already know what a gorgeous voice Cassie Depaiva has, and most importantly, she always has fun with it.

Lindsay, down and depressed after Blair's song, goes back to her cell. Blair follows her, to apologize for bumming her out and to offer her someone who can cheer her up. In walks Starr, guilty of removing someone who simply 'got in her way', ecstatic because she won't have to share her mother with Jack for five to twenty years (depending on her behavior). And she's happy enough to sing that "The Sun will come out, tomorrow." Starr is the biggest surprise of the episode. It's obvious that the young 'star' can sing as well as she can act, and has probably been in dozens of musicals before landing the career-affirming gig at OLTL. If she's not careful, considering this year's surprise at the Daytime Emmys, she may find herself the youngest actress to ever win the award for best younger actress.

Lindsay still believes that things can't get any worse, but then Nora arrives, dressed as a witch, there to torment Lindsay, tell her about every special moment she's shared with Troy, and explain all of Lindsay's misdeeds to her prison mates. Lindsay runs from Nora, and straight into Tilly.

Tilly tells a terribly sad tale about being a kid who no one liked, including her own mother, and then sings about 'how easy' it is 'to be cruel'. Very much like the prison guard, Tilly has not had much of an opportunity to show her acting talent, but has now had the chance to prove that she sure can sing. She has a deep and almost haunting voice, which actually fits the character quite well. Lindsay may have been changed by the moment, but Tilly obviously hasn't because as soon she finishes her number she shouts, "Nora, Lindsay's in here!"

Roxy mentions to Lindsay that Blair isn't the only one doing a mother and daughter prison gig. Lindsay immediately worries about Jen, but instead, a leather-clad, rebellious Jessica comes in singing about 'not giving a damn about her bad reputation' and her mother joins in.

Nora comes back and offers to sing a song about her relationship with Lindsay. The music starts, and Lindsay stops her. The music starts one more time, and Lindsay remembers, wait, this is her dream, and Nora doesn't get to sing in her dream. She's apparently right because she wills Nora away and only the clothes remain, in a pile on the floor. Perhaps she is in control, at least of her own dream. Or maybe Hillary simply refused to let us be the judges of her singing voice (smile).

The last solo performance is Lindsay's rendition of "I Can't Make You Love Me," obviously sung about Troy. My only complaint about Lindsay's performance is that it was so beautiful, elegant, and classy that it was obvious that it had to be Catherine Hickland, because Lindsay couldn't be that classy.

The group sings "We are family" and then Allison wakes her up from her dream, sick of the humming. Lindsay questions Allison's ability to sing and Allison laughs in response and says "Blondes." The last visual is on July 4th decorations just outside the cell.

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