One Life to Live Update Thursday 7/4/02
Since OLTL had a little fun today for Independence Day,
I've decided that I'm going to have a little fun too. I'm going to write a
review of today's show instead of a daily summary.
OLTL's 'Babes Behind Bars', as a cross between 'Dante's Inferno' where Allison
is the guide for Lindsay's underworld tour, and 'Chicago' where we get an
hour-long version of the 'Cell Block Tango', no viewer could have possibly gone
away less than entertained.
Lindsay awakes in black and white to find that everyone in the jail is gone.
Sneaking out an unlocked cell door, she realizes that it must be her own
personal Independence Day, and begins her search for her prison mates. She
finally finds them, in a room, dancing and singing about being "Bad Girls." The
guard, the lady in power with a voice to match, leads the others in the song as
Lindsay finally catches on and starts singing too, just as the song ends. They
all laugh at her but its short-lived because the guard asks her and Allison to
show the ropes to the new inmates.
Upon sight of the first new inmate, Allison lunges at and strangles, Roxy, who's
doing time for locking Max in the Break Bar freezer because he "... just kept
'her' hanging on." As we've seen once or twice before in earlier episodes, Roxy
can be quite sexy and sultry when she wants to be, and its completely
unavoidable when she sings. In fact, Allison's so impressed that she begins to
feel sorry for Roxy and no longer wants to kill her.
Allison, who probably knows she can't sing a note, wants to sing about her
feelings for her beloved Dave. Lindsay reminds her, loudly and repeatedly, that
Dave is actually Ben. So Allison takes a hint, and in her pretty prison prom
dress, sings to a wall-sized picture of 'Ben' that he's got "a friend in 'her'"
if ever he should need one.
Lindsay realizes that they all have something in common; no man deserves their
love, respect, or attention. New inmate Blair waltzes in and informs Lindsay
that she doesn't even know the half of it. She adds that since Todd's
disappeared, she had to find another way to make him pay, so she burned down the
Sun (Todd's newspaper, that is). She swears that all men are trouble and sings
that (at least until tomorrow) she'll "never fall in love again." If anyone has
ever gone to a Super Soap weekend, they already know what a gorgeous voice
Cassie Depaiva has, and most importantly, she always has fun with it.
Lindsay, down and depressed after Blair's song, goes back to her cell. Blair
follows her, to apologize for bumming her out and to offer her someone who can
cheer her up. In walks Starr, guilty of removing someone who simply 'got in her
way', ecstatic because she won't have to share her mother with Jack for five to
twenty years (depending on her behavior). And she's happy enough to sing that
"The Sun will come out, tomorrow." Starr is the biggest surprise of the episode.
It's obvious that the young 'star' can sing as well as she can act, and has
probably been in dozens of musicals before landing the career-affirming gig at
OLTL. If she's not careful, considering this year's surprise at the Daytime
Emmys, she may find herself the youngest actress to ever win the award for best
Lindsay still believes that things can't get any worse, but then Nora arrives,
dressed as a witch, there to torment Lindsay, tell her about every special
moment she's shared with Troy, and explain all of Lindsay's misdeeds to her
prison mates. Lindsay runs from Nora, and straight into Tilly.
Tilly tells a terribly sad tale about being a kid who no one liked, including
her own mother, and then sings about 'how easy' it is 'to be cruel'. Very much
like the prison guard, Tilly has not had much of an opportunity to show her
acting talent, but has now had the chance to prove that she sure can sing. She
has a deep and almost haunting voice, which actually fits the character quite
well. Lindsay may have been changed by the moment, but Tilly obviously hasn't
because as soon she finishes her number she shouts, "Nora, Lindsay's in here!"
Roxy mentions to Lindsay that Blair isn't the only one doing a mother and
daughter prison gig. Lindsay immediately worries about Jen, but instead, a
leather-clad, rebellious Jessica comes in singing about 'not giving a damn about
her bad reputation' and her mother joins in.
Nora comes back and offers to sing a song about her relationship with Lindsay.
The music starts, and Lindsay stops her. The music starts one more time, and
Lindsay remembers, wait, this is her dream, and Nora doesn't get to sing in her
dream. She's apparently right because she wills Nora away and only the clothes
remain, in a pile on the floor. Perhaps she is in control, at least of her own
dream. Or maybe Hillary simply refused to let us be the judges of her singing
The last solo performance is Lindsay's rendition of "I Can't Make You Love Me,"
obviously sung about Troy. My only complaint about Lindsay's performance is that
it was so beautiful, elegant, and classy that it was obvious that it had to be
Catherine Hickland, because Lindsay couldn't be that classy.
The group sings "We are family" and then Allison wakes her up from her dream,
sick of the humming. Lindsay questions Allison's ability to sing and Allison
laughs in response and says "Blondes." The last visual is on July 4th
decorations just outside the cell.
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