Y&R Transcript Tuesday 11/13/07

Y&R Transcript Tuesday 11/13/07 -- Canada; Wednesday 11/14/07 -- U.S.A.


Provided By Eric
Proofread By Emma

Phyllis: Yeah, I'm good. Why wouldn't I be good? Just because they're rehearing my appeal tomorrow and my fate is in the hands of a bunch of strangers know me from the trans of, um, you know, people who said horrible things about me. But I am doing good. So good.

Daniel: Well, you sure do know how to reassure a person.

Phyllis: It's one of my many talents.

Daniel: But you're really okay, right? I mean, you're not just messing with me?

Phyllis: Listen, you gave me the chance to vent. I couldn't pass it up.

Daniel: Good. 'Cause you know, if you wanna take on the system, or take on the man, I'm down.

Phyllis: Yeah? I'm so down, too. I appreciate you calling. I love you very much.

Daniel: I love you, too. You call me later?

Phyllis: Yeah. Hey, I am good, really.

Daniel: Okay, we'll talk tomorrow.

Phyllis: Okay. I love you.

Daniel: I love you, too.

Amber: How is she?

Daniel: She's my mom. She's gotta act all in control and tough for my sake.

Amber: That's better than being all victim-y and needy, hmm?

Daniel: I guess.

Michael: You tell me exactly what you said to Heather.

Paul: I only admitted what she already heard, that I kidnapped Sheila.

Michael: That you kidnapped Sheila!

Lauren: How could you do that?

Paul: All I did was confirm it!

Michael: You confirmed it to a prosecutor!

Paul: To my daughter.

Michael: Oh, I hope that brings you solace in jail, because--

Lauren: All right, all right, just think about the ripple effect here. You may have to implicate us because of what you did!

Paul: You know what?

Michael: What we did.

Paul: I don't plan on implicating anyone.

Lauren: Excuse me, if you are asked and you don't tell them, that is withholding evidence.

Paul: Okay, fine. How are they ever gonna find that out?

Michael: Oh, I don't know, I guess maybe you'll confess it, too!

Paul: I told you she overheard it!

Lauren: If you don't withhold evidence, then you are naming me and Michael and Phyllis in that-- it's the after the fact thing. What is that thing?

Michael: It's accessory after the fact.

Paul: Calm down, will ya? I'm not going to turn anybody in!

Michael: What you did was a selfish impulse, and it was certainly self-serving. Maybe it felt good when you did it, but you know what? You endangered other people! Phyllis could stay in jail for--for who knows how long! I could be disbarred! Lauren--Lauren is at risk for going to prison. Who the hell did you help in this situation?!

Gloria: Would you please put that away while we're eating?

Kevin: We're finished.

Gloria: Kevin, having a laptop on the table, even if the dishes have been cleared, is like me putting on toenail polish in church. It's not civilized.

Kevin: Who knew I was a threat to western civilization?

Gloria: Oh, stop it. Just put it away. I need your help.

Kevin: Already I don't like the sound of this or the look in your eye.

Gloria: And what look might that be?

Kevin: It's a no-good- can-come-of-this-for-Kevin look.

Gloria: You know, you're very strange sometime. You're very sweet, but very strange. I need you to go over to the bar and keep Jeffrey Bardwell occupied.

Kevin: Why?

Gloria: Because I'm going up to his room and I don't want him to catch me.

Kevin: What? Why?

Gloria: Because I don't think I should be in his room without his permission.

Kevin: Well, duh. Why are you going to his room without his permission?

Gloria: I need to find that jar of contaminated cream if he has it.

Kevin: I didn't think you were actually gonna go through with this.

Gloria: I have no choice but to go through with it, Kevin. If I wanna hold onto my money and my freedom, he can't have anything on me.

Kevin: All right, even if I agreed to this, and even if I succeed at keeping Jeff mesmerized with my amazing communicative skills, how are you getting into his room?

Gloria: Master key.

Kevin: Where did you get a master key?

Gloria: I stole it from the housekeeper.

Kevin: Of course you did. It was on your list of things to do-- pick up the dry cleaning, finish "War and Peace," steal the master key from the housekeeper. Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin: Hey, Mr. Bardwell, do you have a minute?

Jeff: Yeah, sure. No, I don’t. Um, I didn't see the time. I an overseas call that I have to make and I left my cell phone in my room, so you have to excuse me. Sorry.

Kevin: Answer, Mom, answer!

(Cell phone ringing)

Gloria: Okay! Oh! Oh! God! Oh! Good evening. Kevin? I lost the key.

Kevin: Get out now! He's on his way up.

Gloria: What? Okay, okay, okay.

Jeff: Gloria, what are you--

Gloria: Jeffrey Bardwell?

Jeff: Look, I'm sorry, I don't wanna be rude, but I've got a conference call I have to make.

Gloria: Oh, no, no, no, please, please, go ahead. Maybe we can, uh, meet up later? Uh, downstairs, a couple hours?

Jeff: Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.

Gloria: Great.

(Door closes)

Gloria: Great.


Lauren: I thought I was gonna have a panic attack.

Michael: Did you take your medication?

Lauren: No. I, uh, I think I'm all right. But boy, I start thinking about the ramifications of Paul talking to a prosecutor about this kidnapping? I'm not so sure the medication's gonna be okay.

Michael: You and me both. The last thing I should be doing is planning damage control the night before I argue Phyllis' plea.

Lauren: You know, I am not--not gonna go through what Phyllis went through, or is going through. I'm not gonna be separated from our son.

Michael: It's not gonna come to that.

Lauren: No, if this thing snowballs with Paul, and we get named as co-conspirators, let me tell you something--

Michael: Accessory after the fact.

Lauren: Okay, I don't really care what it's called. I'm just telling you that I will take all the resources that I have in this life and I will leave. I will start a new life in a new country if I have to.

Michael: Can I come with you?

Lauren: I'm not joking.

Michael: Look, you don't have to twist my arm to convince me to go to some remote island where we can swim naked in secret lagoons. I am willing to chuck this life in exchange for a wardrobe that consists of nothing but--

Fen: (Cries)

Michael: Aw, Baby.

Lauren: Aw, Honey.

Michael: Sandals and sunscreen and baby.

Lauren: You and sandals and sunscreen, huh?

Michael: Mm-hmm. But first... I gotta get Phyllis out of jail. Okay? And the next time you feel a panic attack coming on, take the medication. Don't try to muscle through. At least until this whole Clear Springs debacle is just a distant memory.

Lauren: Oh, Michael, just talking about it brings on a panic attack!

Michael: Wait, okay, its fine. Just calm down. I will get the medicat--

Lauren: I so got you.

Michael: You are an evil, evil woman.

Lauren: Oh, but I am the best kind of evil.

Michael: Oh, no, you are very, very bad. Oh, yeah.

Jana: You seem like you're doing okay.

Phyllis: Thank you. Not for the card. Oh, no, wait a minute. Thank you for the card. Thank you for the compliment.

Jana: You're welcome. I couldn't--oh, this one?

Phyllis: Yeah.

Jana: I couldn't handle things the way that you're handling them.

Phyllis: What do you mean? You're handling things. You're in prison.

Jana: Yeah, but... in a weird way--

Phyllis: You have to discard now.

Jana: Oh. Sorry. Okay. In a weird way, I... I'm content, you know, because I deserve to be here. I have no commitments on the outside. And I have all the time in the world to figure out how not to mess up my life when I get out.

Phyllis: Yeah, well, you know, I'm not a role model, but I figure since wars are going on in the world, and you know, world hunger has yet to be overcome, closer to home, my sister-in-law is... is in a coma. Self-pity is for morons and idiots. Gin.

Gloria: Then when Jeffrey and I get upstairs--

Kevin: La-la-la, I am not hearing this because my mother's not telling me. La-la-la-la-la.

Gloria: When Jeffrey and I get up to his room--

Kevin: Yet another memory I'm gonna need years of therapy to overcome!

Gloria: I am not gonna have sex with the guy!

Kevin: Well, it's a good thing no one heard you.

Gloria: It's just gonna be a half-seduction.

Kevin: This isn't happening!

Gloria: A semi-seduction.

Kevin: What is a semi-seduction?

Gloria: It means I get him to invite me up to his room, but we never make it to bed.

Kevin: Kill me. Kill me now. Kill me.

Gloria: And then, I need you to--

Kevin: Look, sorry, Mom, I'm really busy. I can’t. I'd love to help.

Gloria: I need you to interrupt us.

Kevin: Bartender, can I have a double shot? Something strong, maybe vodka to help me lose my memory.

Gloria: Don't listen to him. He's joking.

Kevin: No, I'm not. Mom, I really am busy. That week in Clear Springs put me behind, so I'm headed to Jabot right now for some quick catch up, then third-quarter filings at the coffeehouse. Great seeing you. Thanks so much for dinner. Love you, gotta run.

Gloria: Will you be finished in one hour?

Kevin: No.

Gloria: Two? Three?

Kevin: Unh-unh, sorry, no.

Gloria: Perfect. Perfect. In three hours, show up at Jeffrey’s door and tell me there's some kind of emergency.

Kevin: What kind of emergency?

Gloria: You'll think of one.

(Telephone ringing)

Lauren: Oh, what are you doing all dressed up? One second. Hello? No, no, no, this is Lauren. Oh. Yes, Jeff, she's right here. Hold on. Jeffrey Bardwell.

Gloria: Uh-huh. Hi, Jeffrey. Yeah, I'm leaving right now. I'll see you in a few minutes. Okay.

Lauren: Wait, wait, wait, see him?

Gloria: Yeah, we're having drinks.

Lauren: Why?

Gloria: Because I enjoy his company.

Lauren: Okay, you're not going anywhere till you tell me exactly what you're doing.

Gloria: I already told you, drinks.

Lauren: And?

Gloria: All right, I have to get into his room to find out if he has that contaminated cream.

Lauren: But he already gave it to you.

Gloria: Yeah. What he gave me wasn't contaminated, so I need to find out if he does have the real stuff.

Lauren: So you are going to his room to have drinks?

Gloria: No. We'll meet in the bar. And I'll let him invite me to his room.

Lauren: You know, in the category of dumb ideas, that's the dumbest.

Gloria: Oh, come on, Lauren, I'm not going to bed with him.

Lauren: Okay, don't need to hear that! I don't even care about that. What I care about is you making things worse! You know, if he has the contaminated cream, he must've stolen it from the evidence room, which means it cannot be used against you in a court of law.

Gloria: Unh-unh, unh-unh. William sent him the cream.

Lauren: I am not joking here! You have compromised my family your cute little behavior which--oh, my God-- happens to be criminal!

Gloria: And I'm trying to make it right.

Lauren: All right, then you make it right by leaving Jeff alone. Otherwise, he's gonna get suspicious.

Gloria: Listen to me! If it could be taken from the evidence room, it can be put back in the evidence room. But if I have it, nobody's ever gonna see it again. Believe me, Lauren, I know what's at stake here.

Lauren: You cancel your date.

Gloria: Can't do that.

Lauren: Gloria! Oh! I'm telling you...

Lauren: Michael, Michael, please just call me as soon as possible.

Daniel: I'm telling you the assistant D.A. is human.

Amber: No, she's not.

Daniel: Well, sort of.

Amber: She is not.

Daniel: I know this for a fact.

Amber: Well, I know she's not, the way she prosecuted us.

Daniel: Oh, how inhumane of her to do her job and go after felons.

Amber: We didn't mean to be felons.

Daniel: You know what? I am not even gonna begin to pursue your logic, because it--it hurts my head to try and understand why you think that not intending to commit felonious acts is relevant to anything. But look, Heather-- she could've ratted my mom out to--to the parole people, and she could've slapped me with a parole violation. She didn't do any of those things. I shouldn't even be telling you this stuff.

Amber: Oh, no, now you have to.

Daniel: I went to say thank you to her.

Amber: Mm-hmm.

Daniel: You know, for not going after my mom and... she started crying.

Amber: I don't believe it.

Daniel: Believe it.

Amber: Heather Stevens is not capable of shedding a tear. Wait, why did she?

Daniel: I don't know. Like I said, I went to say thank you for not going after my mom, and thank you for me, and she just started crying, okay? She broke down, literally, in front of me.

Amber: And let me guess, you gave her a hug?

Daniel: What difference does that make?

Amber: Oh, it's the old "Break down and cry and fall in the guy's arms" routine. Okay, that's right up there with, like, waiting three days to call a guy back, okay? It's a calculated gesture to get something out of you.

Daniel: What could I possibly have to offer her?

Amber: Well, something, or she wouldn't have done it.

Daniel: I think you are way too paranoid about her.

Amber: And I think you're way too trusting.

Michael: I just picked up your message. Do you want something besides the sandwiches? Huh? What, Gloria did what? What?! All right, you know what? I can't talk about that right now, all right? Yeah, I'll--I'll call you back. Yeah, bye, Sweetie.

Kevin: So you heard about Mom's plan?

Michael: Lauren just told me. Well, I don't have time to stop her. I've got a bit too much on my plate as it is.

Kevin: You wouldn't be able to stop her even if your plate was empty. I already tried.

Michael: How long has my favorite prosecutor been in here?

Kevin: I don't know, I just walked in. Hey.

Michael: Oh, Rachel, I just called in a to-go order? Could you check? Uh, you know what? I'll be right back. Ms. Stevens?

Heather: Hello, Michael.

Michael: You got a minute?

Heather: No.

Michael: Well, I'll make sure this takes less than a minute then. Um, you do realize that when Paul Williams spoke to you earlier he did so without benefit of legal counsel?

Heather: Oh, you mean, that uncoerced, volunteered information?

Michael: Well, anything he volunteered relating to the late Sheila Carter is hearsay.

Heather: Actually, he described his own actions, which is eyewitness testimony, but thanks.

Michael: And without corroboration, you don't have a case. And you would have to excuse yourself anyway, because he is your biological-- well, because of your special relationship with Paul.

Heather: I have no relationship with Paul, so why don't you do me a favor and go to hell?

Jeff: This was a great idea. I'm glad we ran into each other.

Gloria: I am, too. It seems ever since you and I met all we do is discuss serious stuff.

Jeff: Mmm. Talk about depressing things.

Gloria: Yeah. I know we have to, because that's part of life.

Jeff: Alas.

Gloria: But it doesn't have to be that way all the time. I mean, I'd kinda hoped that you and I could get together and put all business stuff aside and just be a regular guy, a regular gal, enjoying each other's company.

Jeff: That's so interesting. Because for the longest time, I've thought the same thing, too.

Gloria: Liar.

Jeff: No, I swear.

Gloria: Really? Not just me?

Jeff: Nope.

Gloria: Well, makes me wonder what else we have in common.

Michael: She would not listen to a word I said!

Lauren: Your mother?

Michael: No, no, Heather! Heather! She was at the coffeehouse.

Lauren: Wait, wait, wait, the baby's asleep. What did she say?

Michael: She just left me hanging. She is fully capable of prosecuting Paul out of sheer spite.

(Cell phone ringing)

Michael: Oh, Phyllis, I'm really busy right now,

Phyllis: I-I just wanna know how it's gonna go tomorrow.

Lauren: I'm gonna go... fresh air. Will you watch the baby?

Michael: Um, why don't you call the court and find out?

Phyllis: Yeah, I guess I could do that, but, um, I'm calling you. Can--can you just give me some good news?

Michael: All right, uh, good news? Good news is... well, as you know, the, uh, DVD was introduced so late into the process that its prejudicial impact far outweighed its probative value. And, uh, what else? And--and the judge should've declared a mistrial instead of ordering further deliberation when that juror changed her mind in the courtroom, so what else can I do for you this evening?

Phyllis: Yeah, can you give it to me straight?

Michael: Phyllis, I hate to second-guess a judge, uh, or several judges in this case. I don't wanna encourage you or discourage you. You know what? You know what? You are just going to trust me. That's what you're gonna do. I am going to do... my best.

Phyllis: Yeah, see, that's good news. You should've said that in the first place.

Jeff: And he said, "Those aren't my pants!"


Gloria: Shame on you! What is in that coffee?

Jeff: I usually don't tell that joke in mixed company. I was afraid it might offend you.

Gloria: Oh, please? Me and humor-- I am unaffordable.

Jeff: You shouldn't tell me that.

Gloria: Why?

Jeff: It encourages me to push my luck.

Gloria: You go right ahead and push.

Daniel: Okay, let's get something to eat.

Amber: You know what? I'm not hungry. Oh, oh, oh, let's go. That woman's here.

Daniel: I told you, she's not all evil.

Amber: You know what? You say that, and I like you less for liking her.

Daniel: Oh. Oh, that is so mature of you. And I don't like her.

Amber: Sounds like it.

Daniel: I wanna talk to her about my mom, okay?

Amber: I'm sure some rule says that interested parties are not allowed to lobby the prosecutor.

Daniel: Yeah, well, she can stop me if she wants.

Lauren: Hey, Guys.

Daniel: Hey.

Amber: Hey.

Lauren: Oh, you're still here. Thank goodness. Do you have a minute?

Heather: I actually was--

Lauren: It'll only take a minute. Really. Wow, this was really hard to come here. Not to talk to you. No, I've been having some trouble... leaving the apartment. I've been having some panic attacks lately.

Heather: I'm sorry.

Lauren: Yeah. Well, ever since that collapse at Clear Springs, it's been...

Heather: Yeah, that was awful.

Lauren: Um, you know, I only tell you that because I want you to know how badly I needed to speak with you. I'm gonna get to the point, I promise. I wanted you to know... that even though it was truly horrible being buried alive, it was--it was nothing compared to the nightmare I lived, knowing that Sheila Carter wanted me dead. You have, um... no idea the--the fear I-I lived with every single day and night of my life, not knowing if, um, this was the day. You know, was she gonna get me today? Is she hiding somewhere? Is she going to... is she watching me? Not to mention, she made absolutely no secret of her intent to kidnap Fen, and the fact that she had my older son Scott for an entire year. I know what your father did was illegal. But, Heather, he saved my life. And you have to consider that. Your dad... he's a really good man.

Heather: "A good man" wouldn't have abandoned his child, okay?

Lauren: And I-I really understand how you feel. But I-I think you should consider forgiving Paul. You know, and--and not just for his sake, but for your own. Honestly... I know. I mean, that anger that you're holding inside of you-- it's gonna eat you up alive. Your lifeline.

Jeff: (Laughing)

Gloria: Oh, my! What a very nice room.

Jeff: What room? I can't see a room for the beauty of the woman standing in it.

Gloria: Now did you just come up with that line or have you used it at least two dozen times?

Jeff: Well, I might've read it someplace, but it's the first time I've ever used it. Because it's the first time it's ever been true.

Gloria: Oh, Jeffrey!

Gloria: Oh. You do that very well.

Jeff: I try my best.

Gloria: You succeeded.

Jeff: I have to be sure of that.

Gloria: I am...

Jeff: I need to be absolutely certain.

Gloria: Jeff--Jeff-- oh, Jeffrey! My watch--my watch--my watch. I must've left it in the bar. I better go... actually, do you think you could run and get it for me?

Jeff: (Chuckles) chivalry takes many forms. I'll call down and have it sent up. Yes, hello? My guest left her watch in the bar. Could you have it sent up when you find it? Thank you. They're looking for it now. Where were we? Oh, right. I was going for a personal best.

Amber: Don't do it.

Daniel: If I don't try and help my mom, I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life.

Amber: Oh, Boy.

Daniel: Excuse me? Uh, can I talk to you about my mom?

Heather: No. No, you really can’t.

Daniel: Come on, it's my mom. Look, you gonna go on the record telling a son that he can't say nice things about his mother? Isn't that, like, a violation of the constitution or something?

Heather: Look, I get that you love her. The case isn't about love.

Daniel: I know she broke the law. I get that. But that's not who she is. It's not even, like, the tiniest fraction of the person that she is. I mean, in the four years that I've known her--

Heather: Wait, wait, in the four years you've known her?

Daniel: Yeah, almost four years. I grew up with--

Heather: Without her? You grew up without her?

Daniel: It's complicated.

Heather: She didn't raise you as a kid?

Daniel: No.

Heather: Why not?

Daniel: She wanted to, but that wasn't the reason--

Heather: She didn't raise you as a kid, and you're sticking up for her.

Daniel: I can't change history, okay? I'm sorry. But once I-I met her, and I started to understand who she is, I couldn't help but love her.

Heather: You shouldn't have come to me the night before your mother's appeal, but you did, and I shouldn't say what I'm about to say, but I will. You're either incredibly needy or incredibly gullible.

(Cell phone ringing)

Paul: Paul Williams.

Heather: Hi, it's Heather. I'd like to meet as soon as possible.

Paul: Absolutely. Um, when did you have in mind?

Heather: Now?

Paul: Where do you wanna meet?

Heather: Where are you?

Paul: I'm at the athletic club.

Heather: Okay, I'll be right over.

Paul: Well... she sounds pretty intense. At least she didn't tell me to get lost.

Maggie: This could be a good thing.

Paul: Yeah, I hope so.

Maggie: No, I know it will be. The better she gets to know you, the sooner she's gonna come around.

Paul: Yeah, that's terrific that you say that, I just hope you mean it.

Maggie: I mean it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

Paul: I can understand why she's angry at me. I'm angry at me. I just hope we can get to the point where... she doesn't hate me. This is gonna ruin your evening, isn't it?

Maggie: Another glass of wine with me or a heart-to-heart with your daughter? That's a no brainer.

Paul: You know, usually I'm a really confident guy. But there's something about... her anger that takes all my confidence away.

Maggie: Come here.

Maggie: Does that help?

Paul: Yeah, as a matter of fact, it does. I could use more of that.

Maggie: Oh, well, I don't want you to get overconfident. Call me after, okay, if you feel like talking.

Paul: Thanks.

Gloria: I have an idea.

Jeff: Oh, I like the sound of that.

Gloria: I would like something to drink.

Jeff: Not the sort of idea I was hoping for. But, um, what's your poison?

Gloria: Oh, a nice dry white wine, please.

Jeff: Okay.

Gloria: Jeffrey?

Jeff: Yes, hello. Uh, could you send up a bottle of your best chardonnay, please? Mm-hmm.

(Cell phone ringing)

Kevin: Did you find the cream?

Gloria: I haven't had an opportunity. That man is an animal. Kevin, get over here right now.

Kevin: It hasn't been three hours. The man is a what?

Gloria: Now.

Jeff: Gloria?

Kevin: Is he threatening you?

Gloria: No. He's just very eager.

Kevin: Walk out on him!

Gloria: I can't do that, Kevin. He might get suspicious and I am not a tease. You just get over here right now, okay?

Kevin: Ugh!

Daniel: Well, I was gonna call Mom again, but now, I think that would just bring her down.

Amber: Well, you don't have to tell your mom that you talked to Heather.

Daniel: So you agree that I messed up?

Amber: No. I'm just saying don't mention Heather.

Daniel: I don't know why I couldn't just keep my big mouth shut.

Amber: Because you thought you were doing something good.

Daniel: Heather started acting all weird when I told her that Mom didn't raise me. And I know it's irrelevant to the case, but it was like she took it as one more thing just to hold against Mom.

Heather: And the night before oral arguments, my legal opponent comes to me and springs it on me that he knows you're my biological father. And then his wife comes and says the same exact thing. So who did you tell? The head librarian? The loan officer? Is everyone in on it except me?

Paul: No one else knows. Lauren is my ex-wife. And things come up between spouses.

Heather: But not between fathers and daughters?

Paul: You asked me who knows, I'm trying to explain. Michael only found out recently. No one else knows. The much bigger mistake than me not telling you I am your father was me not being there being your father when you grew up. It is a decision I regret probably more than anything I can imagine regretting in my entire life. And I can't take back those years that I wasn't there for you.

Heather: That you weren't there for me? Is that a euphemism? Years of neglect and abandonment. Do you have trouble saying neglect and abandonment?

Paul: Okay, so I can't take back those years of neglect and abandonment. But I would like to do something... I would like to do something for you now.

Heather: For me? Or--or is it for you? Do you really think that coming clean and buying me an ice cream cone, taking me to the movies is gonna cut it? It's not gonna cut it for me. Do I have brothers or sisters?

Paul: You have half-brother, Ricky. He turned 5 this past may.

Heather: Where is he?

Paul: He is in Los Angeles with his grandparents.

Heather: Does he know that you're his father?

Paul: Yeah. We have a good relationship.

Heather: Lucky for him.

Paul: Look, Heather, when I was young, I was clueless. I was an idiot and a jerk to make the decision to back out of your life. I was wrong. And who knows? Maybe given time, that... if you let me, I can be a better person to you now. For you.

Woman: Have a good night.

Jeff: Thank you.

Gloria: Well, thank you very much, Jeffrey. Isn't this nice? Oh, my, will you look at these glasses?

Jeff: What?

Gloria: They're absolutely filthy. Hold on one second. Let me grab her. Hello? Hello? Hello? Too late, she's already gone. Just call downstairs and order some clean glasses from room service.

Jeff: I don't see--

Gloria: Never mind. Never mind, I'll do it myself. That's all right.

Jeff: Why don't I wash 'em? It would be a lot quicker than calling room service.

Gloria: You doing dishes? You sure you don't mind?

Jeff: It's a small price to pay.

Gloria: It's, um-- I know it's a really silly thing with me, but, uh... hygiene in, uh, hotels and restaurants and... room service. Uh, my kids all think I'm crazy. But then I come across something like those glasses, and I realize...

Jeff: I'm sterilizing them in boiling water and antiseptic.

Gloria: You go right ahead and make fun of me, Jeffrey Bardwell, you'd be surprised how many people get sick from germs and from room service.

Jeff: Aha. I'll keep that in mind.

Gloria: "If anything happens to me... don't let her get away with it."

Jeff: What?

Gloria: Nothing. Nothing. Nothing, I'm just, uh... thinking out loud.

Jeff: Thinking evil thoughts, I hope? These clean enough for you now?

Gloria: Mm-hmm, thank you.

Jeff: There is no corkscrew in the minibar. I already checked. Thank you. They're sending one up.

Gloria: I am so sorry. I thought the service was better here.

Jeff: Well, uh, why don't--why don't we get something out of the minibar? I mean, there's gotta be scotch, gin, vodka, tequila?

Gloria: I was really looking forward to wine.

Jeff: Well, till the corkscrew gets here...

Gloria: The truth is, Jeffrey, I'm... I'm a little nervous. And I'd really like some of that wine.

Michael: I mean, I understand--I understand... but you took a big risk with Heather today.

Lauren: You're gonna be facing a very angry woman in the courtroom tomorrow.

Michael: Yeah, maybe her anger will throw her.

Lauren: No, no, she was very focused. Like, scary focused.

Michael: Well, if she loses in the courtroom, she loses everything. That's probably too much to hope for.

Lauren: Well, especially if she loses the appeal to you-- the much-resented friend and confidante of the father that she hates. No, no, I think that's gonna make her even more determined to prosecute Paul, and then eventually us.

Heather: A lot of my time interviewing witnesses and suspects, deposing litigants, cross-examining, is spent listening to lies and to liars. You know what the hardest part is? It's sitting there for the criminals who say they're happy to say sorry after their guilt is established. So your apology to me means... I don't know, about as much as a convict's apology at a sentencing hearing.

Paul: I don't know how to respond to that.

Heather: Don't sweat it. You can drop the penitent act because I'm not prosecuting you.

Paul: It's not, but thanks.

Heather: It's not a favor. I just don't have the evidence I need to lock you up. That being said, can you please go back to not being my father? It's better for me that way. Oh, and, um, if you wanna go ahead and tell Michael that you're off the hook, be my guest, but just do me a favor and tell him that I plan to do to Phyllis what I was unable to do to you, which is to keep one child-abandoning jerk in prison.

Jana: You've been on a while now! The guards are going to say something.

Phyllis: Say that again. There are a lot of distractions here.

Nick: Yeah, so I'm just, uh, sitting here holding Summer. She just woke up from a little nap, and we're, uh, you know, having some crackers and stuff.

Phyllis: Does your back hurt from holding her?

Nick: No. I could hold her all day.

Phyllis: Oh, I can feel her just by you saying that.

Jana: Come on, get off the phone! I'm not gonna be able to help you again.

Phyllis: Okay. I gotta go.

Nick: Okay. I really miss you.

Phyllis: I miss you, too.

Nick: And I love you.

Phyllis: I love you, too.

Nick: Good night.

Phyllis: Good night. Okay, all right, all right. Jeez. I'm off.

Jana: Um, yes, you have a very long life line, Phyllis.

Phyllis: Yes. Yes.

Jana: See that, right there?

Phyllis: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna live forever.

Jana: Yes, you are.

Phyllis: Look at that.

Gloria: Please...

Jeff: You almost killed half the bottle.

Gloria: I know, but just a half a glass. All right, all right, I'll make a deal with you. Three sips? Okay, okay, okay, two sips?

Jeff: Okay. Okay. Two sips.

(Knock on door)

Jeff: What the hell is it now? What?! Kevin?

Kevin: I am so sorry to interrupt, and I wouldn't unless it were urgent. Um...

Jeff: How did you know she was here?

Gloria: Kevin, what?

Kevin: Uh, sorry, Mom, it's an emergency. Uh, the bartender told me she was here.

Gloria: I am so embarrassed.

Jeff: What's wrong?

Kevin: Uh, Jabot research says that there is a problem with the makeup from your Chinese supplier and they had the cancel the shipment and you weren't answering your phone and I'm so sorry.

Gloria: I can't believe this. I never thought this would happen in a million years. Jeffrey, I'm so sorry, but I really have to go and take care of this.

Kevin: Sorry. Really, really sorry. Sorry.

Gloria: Good night. Good night.

Kevin: The most embarrassing moment of my life!

Gloria: It took you long enough to get here.

Kevin: Uh, you're welcome?

Gloria: William sent a letter saying don't let me get away with it! His exact words-- "If anything happens to me, don't let her get away with it," meaning me.

Kevin: You are so up a creek.

Next on "The Young and the Restless"...

Brad: If this medication doesn't work, I'm sure he'll try another, Nikki.

Nikki: There are only so many treatments we can go through.

Nick: Is this a good idea?

Phyllis: No. No, it's a really bad idea.

Judge: What's going on? Are you on your cell phone?

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