Y&R Transcript Friday 7/20/07

Y&R Transcript Friday 7/20/07 -- Canada; Monday 7/23/07 -- U.S.A.

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Jana: I thought I'd never see you again.

Kevin: Too bad it's not through prison bars. Maybe you public defender will make it happen.

Jana: Please.

Kevin: Oh, I'm not angry. I'm ecstatic. See, I'm the prosecution's star witness. With a little luck maybe that bill will pass this year and they'll reinstate the death penalty. I should give my senator a call.

Jana: It doesn't matter. I have a brain tumor, remember?

Kevin: Sweetheart, that's old news.

Jana: It's time for more medication. I could be dead before the trial even begins.

Kevin: I don't care how you get there. It's the destination that counts.

Michael: Well, I met with the new A.D.A today, offered my services.

Gloria: And?

Michael: She seemed receptive to the idea. We'll see.

Gloria: If my husband were here, he'd make sure that Jana stayed locked up for good.

Michael: Well, now it falls to me. I'll make him proud. You, too. You know, I'll call the medical supply company, have this picked up.

Gloria: No, Michael, please don't do that. I'll take care of it.

Jill: Bio-hydration is just another way of saying that we're putting more water in the product.

Ji Min: It tested well.

Jill: Yes, but we've had trouble with these numbers before. I mean, look how they phrase this question. Why would our customers wanna buy a product that's watered down?

Ji Min: Do we test again?

Jill: No. We go back to our original concept. We were so excited because this product optimizes enzyme activity. This is a multi-defense skin serum with anti-oxidants that--

Ji Min: Protects against free radical damage and promotes healthier, younger looking skin. All right, how long before we can get this thing up and running?

Jill: Yes.

Ji Min: Yes?

Jill: To your other question. Yes, I will marry you.

Jack: Could you hold the elevator, please?

Phyllis: Oh, yeah!

Jack: Hey.

Phyllis: Hey.

Jack: Oh, Boy, I'm late for another meeting.

Phyllis: Tired?

Jack: I have a newfound respect for my senate colleagues. I don't know how they do all this and still have a life.

Phyllis: Listen, give me some work. That's why I'm here. I can handle it.

Jack: You know, I do have a meeting with the Clear Springs architect tonight. Could you maybe take that for me?

Phyllis: Oh... tonight?

Jack: I thought you just said you could handle it?

Phyllis: Yeah, I can, except, um, Nick is moving back in tonight. And it's our first night together.

Jack: I thought he decided to stay at Sharon's old place?

Phyllis: He changed his mind.

Nick: My father was out of control. I haven't seen him that upset in a long time.

Sharon: Wow. This can't be good for his health.

Nick: That's what I told him, but nothing would calm him down. I mean, I know my parents are having problems, but splitting up? I mean, I really thought they could work through it.

Sharon: You know, I'm not surprised. These last few months have been really hard on both of them.

Nick: She kisses this guy and then hires him to work for her. What did she think Dad was gonna do?

Sharon: You know, since your father left, your mother has become really independent. And I don't think he knows how to deal with that.

Nick: He's not the center of her universe anymore.

Sharon: Maybe they just need a break. And maybe this time apart will help them realize how much they mean to one another. But that is for them to work out. And you can't let it bring you down, too, because you already have enough to work with here.

Nick: Thanks.

Sharon: Anytime.

Nick: Let's talk about something positive.

Sharon: Okay, um... any more ideas for Cassie’s benefit?

Nick: Yes, I was thinking that since we're holding it in the park, we could make it a barbecue. Cassie would've loved that.

Sharon: You would love that.

Nick: Well, they don't call me "The grill master" for nothing.

Sharon: I don't know if they ever called you the grill master.

Nick: Are you sure?

Sharon: Hey, you know what? Cassie's friends volunteered to help.

Nick: Really? That's great. You've kept in touch with them?

Sharon: Yeah, they loved her almost as much as we did.

Phyllis: Hey.

Nick: Hey.

Phyllis: Um, I have some ideas for the benefit.

Sharon: Oh, uh, we're fine.

Phyllis: Oh, okay, you don't want my help?

Sharon: No, it's just, um, that we're about to be on opposite ends of a trial pretty soon, so I just don't think it's a good idea.

Phyllis: Oh, that doesn't mean I can't participate.

Sharon: No, I-I really-- this is--it's a fundraiser in my daughter's honor. I don't think that controversy draws contributions.

Phyllis: Oh. Well, I-I thought you knew, Sharon. A scandal always pulls in a crowd.

Daniel: Hey.

Lily: Hi.

Daniel: So are you ignoring me now? I left you, like--

Lily: Five messages, I know. I didn't wanna talk.

Daniel: I spent the night at Kevin's last night to give you some space.

Lily: How thoughtful of you.

Daniel: Look, I get that you're angry at me, but that doesn't mean that you can keep avoiding me.

Lily: Listen, I have to get to class, so...

Daniel: Well, we'll talk later.

Lily: Yeah. Whatever.

Daniel: I'll call you.

Carson: Hey, Guys. I was about to track you guys down.

Cane: Why? What's up?

Carson: Uh, my buddy Plum. He's dead. .

Amber: How? Plum's dead? Are you--I mean-- no, it's gotta be some kind of mistake!

Carson: It was him.

Amber: It can't be.

Cane: How'd you find out?

Carson: A woman at Indigo recognized his picture. Turns out she's a morgue attendant-- an overeager morgue attendant. Anyway, he was the John Doe they had down there. I saw him myself.

Amber: Poor Plum. Do they have any idea how he died?

Carson: Broken neck. He probably died instantly.

Amber: I feel terrible. I feel... I've been so mad at him. I thought that he had just taken off.

Cane: Can you give us a minute, please?

Carson: Yeah. Give me your number. I'll--I'll call you guys later.

Amber: Yeah, um...

Carson: My condolences, Guys.

Amber: Thanks. Yeah, you, too.

Cane: Thank you. So I think that explains why he didn't turn up at the job interview.

Amber: I can't... I just can't believe it. He's just been dead the whole time.

Cane: You don't think it's the same bloke you saw at the morgue?

Amber: I don't know. I mean, I guess it could've been, but the guy I saw-- he was all blue and swollen. I don't know. I couldn't even look at him.

Cane: Don't you think it's sad? The man's dead, no one had a chance to mourn him.

Gloria: I wanna give my husband a glorious send-off, Michael. It's the least I can do. He gave me so much.

Michael: Money. Money. You're a very rich widow.

Gloria: That's not what matters. William changed me. He made me wanna be... a better person. So I wanna give him a service that befits someone of his stature. A real celebration of his life. I think he would've liked that.

Michael: Jazz funeral-- New Orleans style, how about that?

Gloria: No. Just a few of his closest friends over here to celebrate and talk about all our memories. You know, really do it up right. Champagne, caviar-- the whole nine yards.

Michael: You can afford whatever you want.

Gloria: I'd give every penny to have him back.

Michael: I know.

Gloria: No tears. He wouldn't want that.

Michael: Kevin and I will get you through this.

Gloria: Kevin, poor Kevin, he's so distracted with all that Jana nonsense.

Michael: It's more like an obsession.

Jana: You're reading my journal?

Kevin: Oh, sorry. I was looking for a barbecue recipe for a friend, but all I found was a recipe on how to barbecue a friend.

Jana: I'm keeping a record of my illness-- conversations with the doctor, medications I'm taking, side effects.

Kevin: Sounds like a barrel of yuks.

Jana: I'm taking steroids to reduce the inflammation. It won't kill the tumor, but maybe it'll make me feel better.

Kevin: I knew a guy who took steroids once. Talk about a personality change. It could be a good thing in your case.

Jana: Does my face look flushed to you? Do I feel warm? Oh, God, my heart--it's... it's beating so fast. This must be a side effect. "Face flushed and rapid heartbeat." What time is it?

Kevin: I don't have a watch.

Jana: What? Why don't they-- they don't have clocks in this place? I mean, what is this, prison?

Kevin: I wish.

Jana: Oh, God, don't look at me like that! I don't even know who I am anymore.

Kevin: Bravo. I have to say... if I didn't know you, oh, that--I mean, that really was a wonderful performance.

Jana: What's going to happen to me? Kevin, you have to help me. I've go no one else. God... I don't want to die here. Please.

Logan: Hey, do you know where they recycle the empties?

Sharon: Oh, hey, Logan!

Logan: Hey.

Sharon: Yeah, um, it's over there.

Logan: Oh, thanks.

Sharon: Hey, have you seen Nick today?

Logan: No, not since this morning. Is he overdoing it?

Sharon: Oh, no, no, his leg is fine. It's just he's really stressed out about his parents. They're separating.

Logan: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

Sharon: Yeah, I feel really bad for him. And it's just been one thing after the next since he's got back. You know, his--his parents and--and the memory loss, his wife.

Logan: Phyllis? Is she causing him stress?

Sharon: Oh, she causes stress for everyone.

Logan: What's up with her and Nick?

Sharon: She's trying to force herself on him by injecting herself into his life. And it's not doing him any good.

Phyllis: Hey, listen, are you worried about what Sharon said? Because I really... don't agree with her. I don't think I'm gonna repel contributors. I mean, honestly, have-- have you ever stopped to gawk at an accident?

Nick: Who hasn't?

Phyllis: That's what I'm saying. Look at me. I am a walking, talking accident that everybody wants to look at. Seriously! I mean, do you know how many films they made about the "Titanic"?

Nick: Uh, I don't know, two or three?

Phyllis: Two?! 50! There was, um, "Ghost on the 'Titanic'." There was "Disaster on the 'Titanic'." There was even, uh, "The chAmbermaid on the 'Titanic'." And, um, well, that's-- that's about three, right? I mean, everybody loves a disaster. And all those girls who are in those rag magazines-- believe me, they wouldn't put 'em on the cover if they didn't sell magazines, right?

Nick: You have a point.

Phyllis: I definitely have a point! Listen, Nick, if I am at the benefit, you're gonna have to be turning people away at the door. We're gonna make money hand over fist. I'm a walking, talking accident. Everybody wants to see Phyllis Newman the screw-up. Everybody wants to see that.

Nick: You really wanna help?

Phyllis: Yeah, I really wanna help. My son was involved in your daughter's accident. I didn't get to participate last time.

Nick: Look, I really appreciate the offer, but you should be focusing on your trial right now. Sharon and I can handle the event.

Logan: I don't know Phyllis, but from what I've heard, it's hard to understand how Nick ended up with her?

Sharon: She is the definition of manipulative.

Logan: Hmm. "Try to reason about love, and you will lose your reason." Chekhov.

Sharon: He was right. And Nick lost his. Phyllis knows how to use her assets to her advantage. And she stole more than one husband that way.

Logan: So she drew him in with sex?

Sharon: And got pregnant and that turned into a ring.

Logan: You really think she planned that?

Sharon: Well, when Phyllis sets her sights on a man, it's all systems go.

Phyllis: I am not being paranoid. Listen to me, we have to keep your wife and my husband apart.

Jack: You know, usually I like you in green.

Phyllis: Okay, you go ahead and make jokes. Make jokes, but we're in a war here.

Jack: Do you think maybe you're overreacting a bit?

Phyllis: No, I don't.

Jack: My marriage to Sharon is solid. I'm not worried.

Phyllis: I want you to look at the facts here. Listen to this-- when Nick and Sharon broke up, it wasn't Sharon who left Nick. Nick fell in love with me and he left her. Except he doesn't remember any of that. He only remembers his old feelings for Sharon. And who's to say that her old feelings for Nick won't resurface. Especially if they're working on this benefit together.

Jack: Just because the two of them have a connection doesn't mean they're gonna act on it.

Phyllis: Okay, Jack, the day of the benefit you're gonna be in Madison.

Jack: It's because it's the only day that venue was available.

Phyllis: You keep on telling yourself that.

Jack: What, you think Nick set this up?

Phyllis: You don't think so?

Jack: I don't think Nick's that devious.

Phyllis: No. Except when he was married to Sharon, he was seeing me on the side. But he's not that devious. We have to stop this before it goes any further. Jack, if I go to jail, my husband is fair game for your wife.

Ji Min: A toast.

Jill: Coffee?

Ji Min: Well, that's how it all started.

Jill: Oh, that spiked coffee was just a little push. I was attracted way before then.

Ji Min: Uh-huh. Well, here's to my smoldering fiancée.

Cane: Oh! Sorry, I should've knocked.

Jill: No, it's all right, Sweetie. Come on in.

Ji Min: Cane, the man of the hour. Good to see you.

Cane: Good to see you, too.

Jill: I didn't see you at home this morning.

Cane: I was up early. I had meeting before breakfast amongst other things. Okay... what's, uh, the smiles about?

Jill: Nothing.

Cane: Come on, you can't lie to me. I'm an astute businessman now, remember? What is it?

(Cell phone ringing)

Ji Min: Tell him. Excuse me.

Cane: All right, you heard the man. Tell me.

Jill: We're getting married.

Cane: Oh, congratulations!

Jill: Thank you, Darling! Thank you!

Cane: He seems a nice enough bloke for my mum.

Jill: Oh, he really is. I hope the two of you will become good friends.

Cane: I'm sure we will. Oh, just to let you know, I'm not into these big society weddings, but just for you I will put on a penguin suit, and I'll smile and wave.

Jill: Well, you won't have to do that.

Cane: Are you eloping?

Jill: We're keeping it low key. Your grandmother is very against the marriage. We're just telling very few people.

Cane: I can keep a secret. Congratulations.

Jill: Thank you! Thank you!

Amber: Carson came right up to us and told us Plum was dead.

Daniel: I already told you-- I want nothing to do with this. I've got my own problems.

Kevin: You're not walking away from this now.

Daniel: Watch me.

Kevin: You're staying!

Daniel: What is your problem?

Kevin: You. Looking for an easy way out of this.

Daniel: I already told you I'm not gonna say anything to anyone!

Kevin: I'm supposed to believe that? After you lied about who this Plum guy really was?

Amber: That was my fault.

Kevin: Yeah, yeah, and he went along with it!

Amber: Okay, can we all just focus on the real issue here? If this guy I.D.s Plum's body, then the authorities are gonna have reason to investigate.

Kevin: Yeah, yeah, you're right and guess where they're gonna come first? My doorstep.

Daniel: They're gonna think that we killed him.

Kevin: No, no, they're gonna think that I killed him.

Sharon: You want me to move the date of the benefit?

Jack: Well, yeah, that way you could come to Madison with me. I can be at the fundraiser with you. I don't wanna miss it.

Sharon: Oh, I would love it if you could come.

Jack: I knew you would.

Sharon: But I don't think that that's possible. Nick told me that was the only date this venue was available.

Jack: You sure? I can call and double check.

Sharon: Oh, no, no, that's cool. I'll have Nick do it and I'll see what he can come up with.

Kevin: We have to stick to what we said, otherwise we're gonna look suspicious.

Amber: No! No, that's not good enough!

Kevin: Do you have a better idea? No? Good, that's what I thought. Plum disappeared. We don't know what happened. We don't know where he went. End of story. We change that, we look guilty.

(Cell phone ringing)

Amber: Hello?

Carson: Hey there, Amber, it's Carson.

Amber: Hey, Carson.

Carson: Sorry to drop that news on you and your husband earlier. You must've been shocked.

Amber: Yeah, I can't stop thinking about it.

Carson: Is now a good time to talk?

Amber: Um, no, not right now. I'm kind of right in the middle of something.

Carson: All right, well, how about we meet at the athletic club in a couple hours?

Amber: Sure.

Carson: Okay, see you there.

Amber: Okay, bye. Great, I'm meeting him later!

Daniel: Why'd you agree?

Amber: We're trying not to look suspicious, remember?

Kevin: Find out what he knows.

Amber: Okay, well, what if he says that he wants the money or he's gonna go to the cops?

Kevin: What money? What money? Stick to the story!

Amber: Okay, well, if the police start digging around, oh, it's just so funny how Plum's bag of cash vanished!

Daniel: I can't do this.

Kevin: Oh, here we go again.

Amber: What?

Daniel: I gotta tell my wife the truth.

Amber: No, no, no, no, no, you swore to us!

Daniel: That was before when we agreed that I didn't have to be a part of this, remember? But now, oh, look, here I am again, here we go! I don't give a damn about Plum. I don't give a damn about the money. I just wanna save my marriage!

Kevin: I swear, if you say one word to your wife--

Daniel: Oh, oh, what, Kev? What, you'll make sure I wind up in the morgue with Plum?

Amber: Confessing to Lily won't help.

Daniel: Are you serious? You really think I'm gonna take your advice right now?

Amber: You know what? I've got zero tolerance for you and your guilty conscience! Especially when it has to do with the two of us!

Kevin: Your wife is gonna talk. And then your honesty's not gonna matter because your marriage is gonna be over as you rot away in jail.

Daniel: If I'm not honest, my marriage is over, so I'm willing to take that chance.

Kevin: Yeah, well, I'm not.

Daniel: And I would tell Cane if I were you, 'cause he's about to find out.

Amber: No. No, my husband will never forgive me.

Cane: Yes, I read the memo. So we're finally on the same page? Good, that wasn't too painful, now, was it? Thank you.

Jill: You work well with your grandmother.

Cane: Strangely enough, we think alike.

Jill: Let's hope not. This year's been pretty astounding, hasn't it? I find my son and my husband.

Cane: Well, it is a lucky year. Ding-hai, Chinese year of the pig.

Jill: That little pig's been very lucky for both of us.

Cane: You know, the craziest week of my life was when I married Amber and I thought you might be my mum.

Jill: To think it started with a séance.

Cane: What séance?

Jill: Oh, you didn't know about that? Well, it wasn't really a séance, it was a reading. I mean, your grandmother had been having these really disturbing dreams, so she hired a psychic to interpret them.

Cane: Okay, and what did she say?

Jill: She said, "The money went to violets."

Cane: As is, Violet, my adoptive mum?

Jill: Yeah, I thought it was nonsense, but of course, Amber and Katherine believed every word of it.

Cane: Are you telling me Amber was there at the beginning when you started searching for me?

Jill: At first, we didn't even know what we were looking for, but your wife went online to do this research. I told her it wasn't necessary, but she was very eager to do it. And she'd check in with us every once in a while to see what progress we'd made.

Cane: When did you have this, um, séance or whatever it was?

Jill: Um, December. Oh, the night of the ice storm, the 14th. Amber was delivering a dress from the boutique and her car slid off the road, got stuck, so she stayed overnight, lucky for us.

Cane: Yeah. Lucky for us.

Lily: Something you wanna tell me, go ahead.

Daniel: I wanna tell you the truth about everything.

Lily: Uh, now is this the same truth as before or is it different? Are you even capable of telling the truth?

Daniel: Just give me a chance.

Lily: I have given you a million chances! But after all the lies that you've told, why should I believe anything you say?

Daniel: You have no reason.

Lily: Yeah, exactly. You want to have sex with a hooker.

Daniel: You know what? That didn't happ-- I don't wanna keep arguing with you about the same stuff.

Lily: Yes, yeah, tell me again about how you had no idea hookers were at a strip club!

Daniel: What do you want me to do? How can I prove that to you?

Lily: You know what, Daniel? The sad thing is that you can't. I don't trust you or respect you or believe anything that you say.

Daniel: Well, everything you say is right and everything I say is wrong!

Lily: Well, you're the liar!

Daniel: You wanna be treated with respect here? That goes both ways. If I hadn't talked back to that cop--

Lily: Right, yeah, then you wouldn't have been caught! Well, you know what? Actions speak louder than words. The web sites, the DVDs, the strip club-- that says it all! I have tried everything-- everything to make you happy. And it was never enough. And now when you go to court, everybody is gonna know what you did.

Daniel: I didn't do anything wrong!

Lily: Yeah, you know what? Just tattoo that to your forehead!

Daniel: I'm gonna make this go away.

(Cell phone ringing)

Michael: Michael Baldwin.

Daniel: Yeah, hi, Michael, it's Daniel. Um, I kinda need some advice on a legal matter.

Michael: Meet me in my office about half an hour?

Daniel: Uh, I was kinda hoping we could do it over the phone?

Michael: What's it about?

Daniel: Before I tell you, can--can we keep this between us? You know, like lawyer/client privileges? I just don't want my mom to find out.

Phyllis: Oh, elevators. They take forever.

Phyllis: Hi.

Sharon: Hi.

Phyllis: Nick is moving back in.

Sharon: Yeah, I heard.

Phyllis: He told you?

Sharon: No. Um, no, my son told me. He's happy.

Phyllis: You don't think Nick's happy?

Sharon: Um... let's not argue in public, okay?

Phyllis: We have a lot of things in common, Nick and I, Sharon.

Sharon: Right.

Phyllis: Yeah, definitely. I mean, we--we share a lot of things. Like we talk and we play video games.

Sharon: Oh, video games? That's--that's great. You know, Noah loves video games and I love video games. I don't really see what the big deal is.

Phyllis: We have the same sense of humor. I mean, we think the same things are absurd.

Sharon: Funny. Because I haven't seen him laugh around you.

Phyllis: Well, you are just lovely today.

Jack: You know what? I'll take the stairs.

Sharon: No.

Phyllis: No, no, no, come in. Come in. It's your two favorite girls.

Sharon: Um, Phyllis was just telling me that Nick is finishing moving in. Tonight's his first night.

Jack: Oh, that's great. I hope things work out for you.

Phyllis: Thank you.

Sharon: But then don't be too disappointed if it doesn't, because Nick's really under a lot of stress right now.

Phyllis: I'll help him with that.

Sharon: But see, he doesn't like it when you push him.

Phyllis: Thank you for telling me about my husband.

Jack: This is what you call getting along?

Sharon: Did he tell you that his parents are separating?

Phyllis: Of course.

Sharon: You know, I was talking to him earlier about Cassie’s benefit and he was so upset by this he couldn't even concentrate.

Phyllis: I'm sure you knew exactly what to do to console him.

Jack: You know what? I don't have any referee clothes on me. Why don't you say we just enjoy the ride?

Sharon: Well, you make it sound like I did something wrong.

Phyllis: Did you?

Sharon: What, are you crazy?

Phyllis: Uh, well, maybe I'm crazy. Maybe you should stay away from my husband if I'm crazy.

Sharon: Jack... Jack, don't worry, okay? I'm not making a play for Nick.

Nick: You know, I'm way too healthy to have a doctor tailing me 24 hours a day.

Logan: Mmm. Just wait till you get my bill.

Nick: I'll swing by the house later and get the rest of my stuff.

Logan: Oh, yeah. All I have is my suitcase.

Nick: You think I'm doing the right thing?

Logan: Depends. Are you excited to be moving back home?

Nick: It's what I should do for my family.

Logan: Then there's your answer.

Nick: Besides, anything is better than you feeding me that flaxseed cereal every morning.

Logan: Thanks. I'll miss you, too.

Michael: Well, you can't prove that my client solicited a prostitute. You can't even prove that he spoke to one. No, this was some power trip of the arresting officer. My client didn't know cop etiquette. That's no reason to book him on phony charges. Now... oh, pursue it! Yes, he's suing for false arrest. Yeah, you do that and get back--get back to me. Yeah, bye. Where have you been?

Kevin: My place.

Michael: He's back! You didn't answer your phone.

Kevin: Listen, I was thinking...

Gloria: So did he see Jana?

Kevin: Uh, yes, he did. I'm right here. Ask me.

Gloria: How is she?

Kevin: Awful. She looks terrified. I need to find out everything I can about how to treat her condition.

Logan: Hey, Sharon?

Sharon: Yeah?

Logan: Um, I have a huge favor to ask you.

Sharon: Sure.

Logan: Okay, well, I was thinking about staying in town.

Sharon: Oh, well, that's-- that's great.

Logan: Yeah, I've just been hiking and backpacking for so long, I think it would be nice to stay put for a while.

Sharon: Yeah, you've been living out of a suitcase for a really long time.

Logan: Yeah, I'm getting tired of it. Uh, so I wondered if I could rent your house from you while I figured out what I wanna do next.

Sharon: Rent? No.

Logan: Oh. Okay, um... maybe I can find an apartment.

Sharon: No, no, you don't understand. Um, the house is empty. Just stay. Rent free.

Logan: Thank you.

Sharon: Well, that's the least I can do.

Nick: Hey.

Logan: Hey. Um, good news. Looks like I'll be able to check on my patient for days to come. I'm gonna stay in town for a while.

Nick: Good.

Jack: Then the venue was available that day? I see. No, no, no, I don't wanna change it. Uh, I'll get back to you, okay?

Phyllis: What was that all about?

Jack: That was Bailey Park. It turns out Nick could've booked it on the day after I got back from Madison.

Phyllis: Change it.

Jack: I can't. They just booked it this morning.

Phyllis: I told you.

Daniel: Oh, Michael, what a relief! Thank you! Oh, yes, it was incredibly stupid. Never again, I promise. Trust me. No, you really saved my butt here. Listen, um, how much do I owe you? Really? Change Fen's diapers? Yeah, no, I could totally-- oh, you're joking? Ha ha. Yeah, well, you got me! No, no, yeah, okay, thank you! Thank you so much! I really owe you. The D.A. dropped the charges. I was telling the truth. Do you now believe me?

Lily: So you didn't pick up a prostitute? But you were supposed to be at a training seminar. What were you doing at a strip club in the first place?

Daniel: I-I know. I know. I shouldn't have been there.

Lily: Then why did you do it?

Daniel: Because it was something to do.

Lily: So when you get bored, you go to a strip club?

Daniel: I didn't even think about it. We saw the place driving into town and I just went there to kill some time before my flight.

Lily: Killing time? That's all that it was to you? Did you even think about me? Did you think about our marriage?

Daniel: I didn't think about anything. Getting arrested--it... scared the crap outta me.

Lily: Daniel, you have a problem.

Daniel: Yeah. That's what I've been telling you. This isn't about you.

Lily: This whole time I kept thinking that if I were... smarter or prettier or changed--

Daniel: No, no, you know what? You--you are perfect. It's killing me thinking that all I keep doing is hurting you.

Lily: Then why do you keep doing it?

Daniel: I don't know.

Michael: How's my big boy? How is he? Daddy misses you. Tell Mommy I love her, too. Okay. Hey... how's the restoration going? Oh, Fenmore’s looking good? Yeah. Well, I miss you, too, Sweetie. All right, bye.

Gloria: Kevin, you have been on that thing for an awfully long time.

Michael: Lauren sends her love.

Gloria: Good.

Kevin: I need to find out everything I can about treating brain tumors.

Michael: Well, what's to know? They're either malignant or benign.

Kevin: No, no, brain tumors aren't like other tumors. See, it could technically be benign, right? But if the tumor is pressing against the tissue of the brain, destroying it, they call it malignant.

Gloria: Can we please talk about something else because this is morbid.

Kevin: No, I need this information. Jana's tumors are pressing against her frontal lobes, which is where we have our personality and emotional control centers. You should've seen her today. She was a like a totally different person. You'd barely recognize her. So there is this hospital in Ohio, right, that's doing this new M.R.I. technology for surgical navigation.

Michael: Cutting edge!

Kevin: I send the doctor an e-mail. Memorial doesn't have it. I'm wondering if we should move her there.

Michael: How about this? Why don't you just leave it to her doctors?

Gloria: Kevin, are you listening to yourself? You are getting completely sucked up by this lunatic. Jana is getting to you all over again!

Kevin: No, I'm not. No, she's not.

Michael: Everything is falling apart in your life. You are obsessed with her again!

Kevin: I just wanna see her stand trial and get convicted! This way she could spend the rest of her life in prison, dying, slowly.

Jack: You heard me right. I wanna have the fundraiser at my place. Opening up a senator's house will bring out all the major contributors.

Phyllis: This is great! You don't have to spend any money on rental fees.

Jack: Every dollar will go directly to Cassie’s challenge.

Sharon: Well, that's-- that's really generous, Jack! Um, we would love to do that! That's a great idea! Thank you! Thank you!

Carson: Hey.

Amber: Hey.

Carson: Something to drink?

Amber: No, thanks. Have you decided, uh, what you're gonna do about Plum?

Carson: I was gonna ask you the same thing, actually.

Amber: Well, if you wanna bring the body to California, I'll chip some money in.

Carson: I just remembered where I've seen you before. The internet.

Amber: Yeah, I know. The "Extreme Catwalk" thing.

Carson: No, it was much hotter than that, Sweetheart. You had a web site. Almost melted my hard drive.

[Cane remembering]

Amber's Voice: Hi, I'm Amber. I'm looking for someone with an adoptive mother with the cool name of Violet.

Amber: Blue topaz and you are a Capricorn.

Cane: And you sound happy.

Amber: I am! That means you're a sun sign.

Cane: What does that mean?

Amber: It means we're a really good match.

Cane: Really?

Amber: You know, last night, um... when I brought up marriage, I was just goofing around.

Cane: I know you just wanna marry me for my money.

Amber: Oh, yeah! Ramen noodles are my fave!

Cane: I know the real reason you want that ring on your finger.

Amber: Oh?

Cane: It is because you wanna get your hands on this sexy bod. Wow, we're really married, huh? It's dinky-di.

Amber: Dinky-di must mean Aussie for "Lucky you."

Cane: No, it means it's the bloody truth.

Jill: What would you say if I told you... that I'm your mother? No, no, no. Really. I had a baby-- a beautiful baby-- who was taken from me. There was this woman named Violet Montgomery?

Cane: You knew Violet Montgomery?

Jill: Honey, if I'd known where you were, I would've gone to the ends of the earth to find you.

Amber: Our marriage certificate?

Cane: Yeah, I got a copy because the original got stained, remember?

Amber: Oh, that's so thoughtful of you.

Cane: I'll go and get it framed.

Amber: Oh, you-- you don't have to do that. I'll--I'll just take it in on my way to work.

Cane: No, no, no, this is my surprise for you. I'll handle it. That's strange. That doesn't look like my signature.

Amber: It doesn't? Let me--let me see.

Next on "The Young and the Restless"...

Logan: You blame Phyllis for your affair?

Brad: Are you choosing sides?

Carson: You have my favorite web site, you know? Such amazing videos.

Nikki: We have an agreement, Victor.

Victor: Newman is no longer funding your development project.

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