Y&R Transcript Friday 5/25/07 -- Canada; Monday 5/28/07 -- U.S.A.
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Proofread By Emma
J.T.: Vacation again?
Paul: Oh, that's hurts. You know, finding Jana Hawkes is hardly a vacation. I wanted you to have these.
J.T.: Oh, you finally got the money shot on the Milton case.
J.T.: Yeah, no more late night rendezvous for him.
J.T.: Bad guys--0, Paul Williams-- what, are you about a-- about 1,000 now?
Paul: Uh, 999. The check hasn't cleared yet.
J.T.: When it does, will you throw your apprentice a hefty bonus, please?
Paul: Well, I'll think about it. You know, it really comes down to how well you handle my cases while I'm gone.
J.T.: So you taking that hot police detective with you?
Paul: No, she has to work.
J.T.: There's time for both.
Paul: Are you telling me that you did not listen to my advice?
J.T.: I heard you loud and clear.
Paul: So you backed off from Victoria?
J.T.: That depends on your definition. I mean, I-I told her she was in a bad marriage, and if that means that I can have her all to myself, then... yeah, I guess I backed off.
J.T.: I'm glad he confronted me.
J.T.: It made me realize how I feel about you.
J.T.: We should be together.
Brad: You look as nervous as I feel.
Brad: The grand jury hearing.
Victoria: Oh, right.
Brad: You shouldn't be worried.
Victoria: Well, I am worried. I'm worried. This isn't exactly good for business.
Brad: I know.
Victoria: You know we could end up looking worse than Enron.
Brad: Well, right now I'm just worried about lying under oath.
Victoria: What are you gonna say up there?
Brad: When I know I'll tell you.
Kevin: Hey, Mom. Whoa. Did you sleep at all last night?
Gloria: Please, just don't look at me. That's not what I need when I'm making my television debut, okay? I know that. It's something that a little cucum-- a whole lot of concealer can't handle.
Kevin: Mom, if "Extreme Catwalk" is freaking you out so much, why don't you just pull out?
Gloria: After everything I've done to get on that show? I don't think so, Kevin. It's not "Extreme Catwalk" I'm worried about. It's that D.N.A. sample.
Kevin: Oh. Oh, that.
Gloria: Yeah, oh, that. I'm still trying to figure a way around it. I think I've watched "Gattaca" ten times.
Kevin: Oh, good. Because things in the movies always work in real life.
Gloria: Yeah, well, I also looked on the computer for something.
Kevin: Oh, even better, because if it's on the internet, it must be true.
Gloria: All right, genius, you come up with something, because I gotta do something now.
Kevin: Okay, Mom, just chill out.
Gloria: I can't do that, Kevin. They're coming to take my D.N.A. sample today. And when William matches it to the glove they found at the crime scene, I'll be spending the first 20 years of my marriage in prison.
Phyllis: All right, Guys, I secured time slots in the media markets for Sawyer, Oconto and Chippewa counties.
Jack: All the battleground sites. Any idea what kind of spots we wanna use?
Ben: Well, it's a tight race with the election coming up. I'm thinking we might wanna go negative.
Phyllis: How about something entirely different? Okay, uh, "Nikki Newman--Puppy Killer."
Jack: Do you have any evidence?
Phyllis: I haven't seen Zapato in a while. Coincidence? I don't know.
Jack: Nice to see you smiling again.
Ben: Agreed. But again, I was thinking that we need to go for a more underhanded approach.
Phyllis: Subtlety is not my strong suit, Ben.
Jack: I can't disagree there.
Phyllis: Whatever wins you this race, I'm all for it.
Nikki: The worst Jack does, the better I'll feel.
Karen: Okay. Then it's time we start planning an attack ad media blitz.
David: There are so many scandals to choose from, I'm gonna hardly know where to begin.
Karen: How about the classic scare tactic? Remember "Daisy Girl"?
Nikki: "Daisy Girl"? The ad with the little girl and the nuclear bomb?
David: 40 years later and it's still relevant. Karen makes a fair point.
Nikki: Well, I mean, this is hardly World War Three.
Karen: No, no, no, no, but the point is, you have to make the voters think it is.
Nikki: Like what would the State of Wisconsin do if Jack Abbott were elected?
David: Hey, the man is standing by his ex-wife and his current wife, both of whom are about to withstand a grand jury.
(Cell phone ringing)
Nikki: You guys keep talking. I gotta take this. Hello? What? No, I'll turn it on right now.
Kay: Ladies, uh, and Gentlemen, I'm sure we all have much more important things to do today, so I will be brief. It, uh, gives me great pleasure to announce that I have re-purchased Jabot Cosmetics from the House of Kim. Now, um... Chancellor Industries will be issuing a written statement this afternoon and, um, fill you in on everything. Thank you so much.
David: You didn't know about this?
Nikki: Get me Victor. Now.
Phyllis: We'll set up casting sessions tomorrow for the spot.
Ben: Yeah, I want it on air by next week.
Sharon: Sorry to interrupt. Um, Jack?
Jack: Yeah, what's up?
Sharon: I don't know if you heard this, but Ji Min Kim sold Jabot today.
Jack: Really? Uh, to whom?
Sharon: To Katherine Chancellor. I'm so sorry.
Phyllis: Yeah, Jack, I'm sorry, too. I know how difficult it was for you to watch, um, other people running your father's company.
Jack: You know what? Don't worry about me. I made peace with this. No sense living in the past.
Ben: You have a bigger future ahead of you, Jack.
Jack: That's right-- winning this senate race. From this moment on, my sole focus is going to be on beating Nikki Newman.
Victoria: Mom? Did you hear about Jabot?
Nikki: I sure did. I've been trying to reach your father ever since. He has not returned my calls.
Victoria: So Dad finds out when he gets back. What's the big deal?
Nikki: It could affect his company.
David: That really should be the least of your worries.
Karen: Let your husband deal with it later. Right now your focus should be on beating your opponent.
Kay: I need a moment with my daughter, please.
Ji Min: Of course. I'll be out here, Jill.
Kay: Have you made your decision yet?
Kay: Well, do you want to run the company, or will you be answering to Mr. Kim?
Jill: Oh, I am so tired of this power trip of yours!
Kay: Take it or leave it.
Jill: Are you ever gonna change? This is none of your damn business!
Kay: Oh, please, my daughter, my company, involved with a degenerate man? I would say, yes, it is my business.
Jill: You're just jealous because you haven't had a lover since the last century.
Kay: Yeah, well, when have you become so gullible, Jill? One inkling that this man likes you and you lose all-- all judgment? And that is not a quality I like to see.
Jill: You are the one who's losing judgment. He's a brilliant businessman! We would be wonderful running the company together!
Kay: What is it to be?
Jill: He stays!
Kay: Good. You've made your decision.
Jill: No, that's not my decision! We're not finished talking yet!
Kay: Uh... Ji Min? Would you please join us?
Ji Min: Yes, of course.
Ji Min: What is it, Mrs. Chancellor?
Kay: I am making you C.E.O. of Jabot.
Ji Min: What?
Kay: Uh, should you have any questions, feel free to ask your, uh, second in command, Jill. I warn you, I'm going to be watching every move you make. (Knock on door)
Kay: Uh, can we help you, please?
Man: Yes, I'm here to collect D.N.A. samples on a Jill Abbott, Katherine Chancellor and a Gloria Abbott?
Kay: Um, this is Katherine and Jill.
Jill: Where the hell is Gloria? She should be here by now.
Woman: Oh, you're early.
Gloria: Oh, yes, I am, Vanessa. It's just so exciting. I wanted to come and take a look around.
Vanessa: Well, look around all you want. It'll be at least four more hours before we're ready to go.
Gloria: Oh, really? Well, thank you.
Vanessa: You're welcome.
(Cell phone ringing)
Kevin: Hi. Where are you?
Gloria: Is the lab technician there?
Kevin: Uh, yes, he is. Why aren't you?
Gloria: Just tell 'em you can't find me. My cell phone's off.
Kevin: You can't avoid this forever, you know?
Gloria: Kevin, I need more time to figure out what I'm going to do.
Kevin: All right, then, bye, good luck with that!
Gloria: Kevin, wait! Wait! Wait! Would you do me one little itsy bitsy favor?
Kevin: No, because your itsy bitsy favors usually involve three to five in lockup.
Gloria: Honey, Honey, this could be very important.
Kevin: Fine. What? What is it?
Gloria: Do you see the test kits they're using?
Gloria: Grab one. I need to see it.
Sharon: I thought you'd be on your way to the courthouse.
Brad: Oh, yeah, I'm heading over there right now. Excuse me.
Sharon: Hit three for me? Do you know what you're gonna say?
Brad: I don't know. I don't know. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I tell the truth, the trial moves forward, which means bad publicity for Newman and our affair becomes public knowledge.
Sharon: And if you don't?
Brad: Then it all goes away. But not if you tell the truth.
Sharon: I don't know that I'm comfortable lying under oath.
Brad: I'm not saying you should, Sharon. I don't know if I'm going to.
Sharon: Me either.
Brad: You wanna grab some lunch before you testify?
Sharon: I don't even know if I could eat anything.
Brad: I know. I know. We'll just order some crackers or something. Meet me at the club, okay?
Nikki: Hey. Whatcha thinking about?
Victoria: Oh, I was, um... I was just thinking about how much I miss Nick, and, um, what my husband's gonna say in court today, and how J.T. feels.
Nikki: How J.T. feels about what?
Victoria: Oh, work. Never mind, Mom.
Nikki: I miss your brother, too. So much.
Victoria: Everything is such a mess right now. When is this gonna end? And--and now we've got all this court business.
Nikki: What is Brad going to say?
Victoria: He doesn't know.
Nikki: Oh, Honey... I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now.
Karen: Oh, sorry to interrupt. We've come up with a spot we'd like to pitch you.
Victoria: Oh, go ahead.
David: All right, we present the issues that are on the minds of the Wisconsin voters. Bold letters on a white background, okay? Health care. Education. Environment.
(Cell phone ringing)
J.T.: Couldn't get me off your mind, could you?
Victoria: Well, you make quite a statement. What are you doing later?
J.T.: What did you have in mind?
Victoria: I was thinking lunch? You know, just lunch.
J.T.: All right, you name the time and the place.
Victoria: What about the club in... I don't know, about an hour?
J.T.: Can't wait.
Victoria: All right.
[Kevin steals a test kit]
Kevin: Well, I can't seem to find my mom, but I'm gonna see if I can't track her down.
Man: It doesn't matter. I'm done here. We'll make an appointment with her tomorrow.
Jill: Well... congratulations are in order.
Ji Min: I tell you, I did not expect your mother to put me in charge of the company.
Jill: I did. You'll do a great job.
Ji Min: And we make a great team.
Jill: Yeah, we do.
Ji Min: I'm just grateful that you and your mother both realize that I was duped by Jack just as you were.
Jill: Oh! You know what? I'm gonna be late for the taping, unless I leave soon.
Ji Min: Want a ride?
Jill: No, what I do want is your input on this project I'm working on.
Ji Min: Concerning what?
Gloria: That's right, we're getting married today. You can? Oh, you're the best! So call me back on this number when you have everything booked. Thanks.
Gloria: Oh, William! Oh, Honey, I just talked to the wedding coordinator. And he's going to get everything organized for our wedding later.
Will: Well, that's wonderful. Speaking of wonderful, look at you! You look great!
Gloria: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! I thought you were going to be in court all day.
Will: Well, you know, even district attorneys have to eat.
Gloria: Oh, Honey. Vanessa? Vanessa, please, I would like to introduce you to my fiancé, William Bardwell. William, this is Vanessa Sheer, the producer of "Extreme Catwalk".
Will: Ah. Pleasure to meet you.
Vanessa: The pleasure is all mine. I just want to let you know that hair and makeup will be here in about an hour if you'd like a touch up.
Gloria: Oh, thank you so much.
Vanessa: If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work.
Gloria: Isn't this exciting?!
Will: You missed your D.N.A. test this morning.
Gloria: I did, didn't I?
Gloria: And I'm sorry. But as you can see, I have been so preoccupied getting ready for the show and for our wedding--
Will: It'll only take a minute.
Gloria: All right, and I promise-- I promise you, first thing in the morning I'll take care of it.
Gloria: Mm-hmm. Okay. Oh, hello, Evan. What brings you around?
Evan: Well, I was about to leave town, but then I thought what kind of a friend would I be if I didn't stay for my friend's television debut. So... here I am.
Phyllis: Yeah, I think we're good to go.
Ben: The ad looks great.
(Cell phone ringing)
Jack: Hey... you're making me nervous and I don't even have to testify.
Sharon: Well, I can't help it.
Phyllis: Listen, you guys can talk in front of me. I'm fine. Don't worry.
Jack: How about you and I go to lunch, huh?
Sharon: Um, I can't. I can't make it. I have to go and prepare.
Jack: Okay, I'll make reservations for tonight, though?
Sharon: Sounds great.
Jack: All right. Good luck.
Sharon: All right. See you later.
Jack: Yeah. Good luck.
Phyllis: I'm the one who needs luck. She could crucify me with her testimony.
Gloria: Well, I appreciate the gesture, but there's really no reason for you to stay.
Evan: Ah. I was hoping to get back into your good graces.
Gloria: Didn't you hear? William and I are getting married.
Evan: Mmm. Congratulations. I guess the best man won.
Will: Mmm. Guess so.
Jill: Hello, everybody! You excited about the show?
Gloria: Oh, I didn't sleep a wink last night.
Jill: Uh, I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I'm Jill Abbott.
Evan: I'm Evan Owen. Pleasure.
Will: Oh, thank you. Um, I gotta go. I'll see ya soon.
Gloria: Okay, Darling, see you later.
Jill: You know what? I'll walk you out. Who is that guy? What was his name?
Will: Old friend of Gloria's. I think he was hoping for something more.
Jill: Really? Look for yourself!
[Jill shows Ji Min the prescription bottle of libido enhancer that Gloria had prescribed]
Ji Min: Oh, good Lord!
Jill: We were right! Gloria dosed us with libido enhancer.
Gloria: We both know you're not here for my benefit, so let's get to the point.
Evan: You may not know this, but your William is heir to a fortune. On second thought, you probably do know that. So a pat on the back and a dollar for my efforts ain't gonna cut it, Glo.
Gloria: What do you want?
Evan: Let us drink and discuss.
Jack: My sister's D.N.A. sample should be there shortly. Ashley Abbott. That's right. Okay. You have any more questions, don't hesitate to call me. Thanks. Lab technician-- he's waiting on Ashley's D.N.A. sample.
Phyllis: How is your sister?
Jack: Oh, she's doing great. Loves her new job. Hates the idea that she's involved in this tainted cream investigation with the rest of us.
Phyllis: I can't believe that's still going on.
Jack: Well, new evidence has surfaced and they want D.N.A. samples from everyone who worked there at the time. I have never wanted to nail anyone this badly in my life.
Phyllis: I'm sure. Because if that wouldn't have happened, you would still be running Jabot.
Phyllis: And you wouldn't be lying to your wife.
Jack: Yeah, listen, thanks for not ratting me out.
Phyllis: You're welcome. No point in Sharon knowing now, right?
Jack: No. What's done is done. No point in living in the past. Or living in the future.
Phyllis: That's easy for you to say. You're not facing jail time, are you? I wonder what Sharon and Brad are saying.
Jack: Hey, I want you to know. Whatever happens, you have my support.
Phyllis: Thank you, I appreciate that.
Sharon: So was testifying really as bad as it sounds?
Brad: Nah, just a day at the beach.
Sharon: Seriously, was the D.A. that rough?
Brad: (Sighs) not really... once he, uh, realized my memory isn't as good as it used to be.
Sharon: You didn't tell him about the blackmail.
Brad: I told him I couldn't remember the specifics what Phyllis said or what I thought she implied.
Sharon: I don't wanna lie under oath.
Brad: I wasn't lying. Not exactly.
Sharon: I don't care about technicalities.
Brad: Listen, Sharon, what I care about is our testimony affecting so many different people. I'm not particularly concerned about Jack and his campaign, but I know you are. I'm worried about Victoria and summer. She's already lost her father.
Sharon: What if our stories don't match?
Brad: I could face perjury charges.
J.T.: Hey. Good, so you got my message.
Victoria: Yeah. You saw Brad inside?
J.T.: With Sharon.
Victoria: There's a shocker.
J.T.: Well, I thought we'd have a little more privacy out here, but I guess I was wrong.
Victoria: Um, I... I've been thinking about what you said yesterday.
J.T.: Mmm. So you couldn't get your mind off me, huh?
Victoria: Um... I think that we just need to-- to take a step back.
J.T.: Well, uh, walking backwards is a lot harder than it sounds. Are you sure you're up for it?
Victoria: I'm serious. I just think that we need to... to look at our... whatever and... and think about it realistically.
J.T.: I've never been a fan of realism.
Victoria: You know, our relationships with other people fell apart and--and we turned to each other for comfort and... that's all it was.
J.T.: Okay. Okay, so is this the part where you tell me that, uh, we shouldn't be together? Because I am-- I am all ears.
Jack: Hey, did you hear the big news? Ji Min sold Jabot.
Nikki: Please save the act for when you're campaign stumping. I know you sold Jabot.
Jack: To none other than your good friend Katherine Chancellor.
Nikki: What I don't know is how you were able to convince her to--
Jack: You know, I guess you're gonna have to think twice before you tout that information to the world. Could subject your friend to a lawsuit.
Nikki: I guess I'll just have to take comfort in the fact that you had to sell your father's company again. Which further proves that you will never, ever fill his shoes.
Jack: Well, thank you, Nikki. Hearing that never gets old.
Nikki: If you ever need a reminder, you know where to find me.
Phyllis: And people wonder why I want her nowhere near my daughter.
Jack: Hey, speaking of which, I've been thinking. Um... if thing don't go the way you want them to, I would be happy to look after Summer.
Phyllis: Thank you. That's very nice. I already asked Lauren and Michael. Uh, Michael's drawing up custody papers, but if that doesn't work out--
Jack: Yeah. I mean, I'll be there for you.
Phyllis: Thank you. She's already threatened to take her, you know?
Jack: Nikki? That is never going to happen.
Phyllis: Well, absolutely not. That will never, ever happen. If I go to jail, I will do everything in my power to make sure she never raises my daughter.
Gloria: Do you have the kit? Good. Get here as fast as you can.
Gloria: You do realize that I don't have access to William's money right now.
Evan: I have time.
Gloria: And even after we're married, I probably won't have full access to it.
Evan: Well, that doesn't mean that he won't give you expensive things that you can conveniently lose. Remember the earring?
Gloria: Don't remind me.
Evan: You know, jewelry can be a very elusive thing. One minute it's here... and the next minute, it's gone.
Gloria: How did you do that?
Evan: A magician can't tell his secrets.
Gloria: Oh, stop it, Evan. You're hardly David Blaine.
Evan: Slight-of-hand and distraction, Gloria.
Gloria: All right, I'll make a deal with you. You teach me how to do that little trick, and I promise I'll find some way to compensate you.
Nikki: This is your wife. It's extremely important. Call me as soon as possible.
David: Remind me never to go AWOL on you.
Nikki: No, not if you know what's good for you.
David: Your husband leaving town right after your son died-- it just doesn't seem right.
Nikki: Well, it's not right. It's Victor.
David: Well, I admire the way you've kept your family together and kept your head in the election. It shows good character.
Nikki: It shows good practice.
David: Your husband should be here, supporting you.
Nikki: Victor thinks of himself first and last... always.
David: If there's anything you need, just let me know.
Nikki: Thank you, David. I appreciate that.
Victoria: Come here.
Victoria: I feel like I could go on and on about it.
J.T.: Yeah, I can tell.
Victoria: So what do you think?
J.T.: I think you're really cute when you're wrong.
Victoria: What if I'm not wrong?
J.T.: You're still cute.
Victoria: That's not what I meant.
J.T.: Okay, seriously? You made a couple of good points.
Victoria: Thank you.
J.T.: But I don't care why we're doing this... as long as we are.
Sharon: Well, I have to go. I'm due in court in 15 minutes.
Brad: Good luck.
Sharon: Thanks. And I want you to know-- I heard what you said.
Brad: So you're gonna back me up?
Sharon: Brad, I haven't decided yet.
Brad: Uh... you know what? I think I'm gonna head out, too.
Victoria: Well, you're, um... very persuasive.
J.T.: Tell me something I don't know.
Victoria: I have to go.
J.T.: Hey, don't forget what I said.
Victoria: I don't know how I could.
Brad: Basketball court's closed today. What are you doing out here? Begging for table scraps?
J.T.: I don't have to beg.
Kevin: I really hope you find Jana.
Paul: Well, I've got a good start.
Kevin: You have the contact info for her high school boyfriend?
Paul: Yeah. I just talked to him. He's waiting to hear from me when I get into town.
Kevin: Good. All right, keep me posted.
Paul: Will do.
Sullivan: Buy you a cup of coffee, Detective?
Paul: Hey! Hi! I'd love to, but, uh... I gotta get to the airport.
Sullivan: That's too bad.
Paul: You know, it's not too late. You can still join me. I can't think of anybody else I'd rather have watch my back.
Sullivan: I like watching your front, too.
Paul: Right back at you.
Sullivan: But, um, unfortunately, the precinct is on high alert because of all the celebrities in town during "Extreme Catwalk." And guess who's in charge of, uh, security at the club?
Paul: Oh. Hmm. Mandatory strip searches?
Sullivan: No, strictly voluntary.
Paul: Well, consider me volunteered.
Sullivan: Only if you return the favor.
Paul: Well, you know, as a matter of fact, I do have a little time before I have to head off to the airport.
Sullivan: I thought you didn't even have time for a cup of coffee.
Paul: Well, you know... priorities.
Sullivan: I call it predictable.
Paul: So what do you say?
Sullivan: I can't. But I'll take a rain check. These Hollywood types are a real pain in my backside.
Paul: Okay. Well, take care of that backside until I get back.
Sullivan: Well, you, too. I've put a lot of effort into getting you to notice me. I hate to waste all that time.
Paul: You're not.
Jill: I think there's a place over here.
Jill: Oh, good.
Ji Min: Now what was it you couldn't tell me on the phone?
Jill: I just met an old friend of Gloria's. He came to watch the show.
Ji Min: And?
Jill: He's got it bad for her.
Ji Min: He's our man.
Jill: It's payback time! She's not gonna know what hit her. Wanna try it out? Just in case?
Ji Min: Uh, I think you're stimulating enough.
Evan: Well, the key to the trick is misdirection. Get me to focus my attention on something other than your hands.
Gloria: You just make it look so easy.
Evan: Well, you should have no trouble distracting someone. Use your feminine charm.
Gloria: What do you suggest?
Evan: Shoulder strap? Those eyes?
Gloria: How was that?
Evan: How was what? I was too busy... watching your charms.
Kay: I think a water for each.
Nikki: Yes, please. Thanks for meeting me.
Kay: Mm-hmm. Well, is this, uh, for pleasure or for business?
Nikki: A little bit of both. I saw the announcement this morning. Very surprising.
Kay: For me, too.
Nikki: I would've thought you would've told me that you were buying Jabot.
Kay: Well, it happened so fast, I...
Nikki: Why did Ji Min wanna sell? Isn't the company making a profit now?
Kay: I'm not sure. We didn't discuss it. Now I think he's the kind of man who likes to turn around fledgling businesses, you know, and go onto the next project.
Nikki: But in your press release, you named him C.E.O., so he's not going anywhere.
Kay: Well, I know. That doesn't keep him from pursuing other projects, Nikki.
Nikki: Okay. I can't do this anymore.
Nikki: I know.
Kay: You know what?
Nikki: I know you bought Jabot from Jack.
Kay: Nikki, I know who I bought Jabot from, but who told you?
Nikki: Victor found out a while ago. He's been plotting to use it against Jack ever since.
Kay: You've know all that time and you never said one thing to me? Darling, do you realize the legal trouble I faced because of that settlement?
Nikki: No. You were duped. We were duped. Everyone was. Jack is the bad guy here.
Kay: Oh, that does not-- that doesn't surprise me.
Nikki: I'm gonna have my campaign manager spin this so it looks like one of Jack's frauds. It will sink his campaign.
Kay: It also may sink my business. I feel like... I will look like a fool for being trick. Do you understand that?
Nikki: Katherine, no, you won't. I don't wanna hurt you. I don't wanna hurt your company.
Kay: Then don't say anything.
Nikki: I won't. Now Victor is another story. You know how obsessed he is with bashing Jack's name.
Kay: Well, if it will make you both feel better, Jack took a financial bath in selling the company to me.
Nikki: Well, I don't know if that will be enough consolation for Victor. I hate to think what he's gonna do when he hears that the only leverage he had against Jack is now gone.
Gloria: Oh, Honey, I'm so glad you made it!
Kevin: Have, uh, you started drinking already?
Gloria: Oh, stop!
Kevin: What's, um, what's the good mood all about?
Gloria: Well, I'm making my television debut. I'm getting married and Evan taught me a little magic trick.
Kevin: You're losing it.
Evan: Show him what you've learned.
Gloria: Okay, write something on this. "Kevin is awesome."
Gloria: Mm-hmm. And I roll it up again, very tightly and we replace the paper into the pen. Put the pen back together. Then abracadabra! Look into my eyes. Open it now.
Kevin: Ah. "Gloria is awesome." That's, uh, that's great, Mom.
Gloria: And it might also work on test tubes.
Evan: Your mother's a regular David Copperfield.
Kevin: You don't have to tell me that. Excuse me.
Evan: Very smooth.
Jill: You told me you didn't sleep very well last night. I thought maybe you'd like some coffee.
Gloria: Well, isn't that thoughtful of you, Jill?
Jill: Well, I thought I'd be nice to you now, because when those cameras roll, I'm taking no prisoners.
Gloria: Mmm. And very good coffee.
Jill: So, Evan, are you gonna be joining us, watching the show?
Evan: Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Jill: Good. You know what? They've set up a little staging area for the judges out back. Maybe you'd like to catch a quick nap before the show.
Gloria: Jill, that is a very enticing idea. I think I'll take you up on it.
Gloria: Excuse me.
Evan: I'll, uh, I'll walk you out. This is really good.
Jill: Good, see you later.
Jack: Could you just see the look on Nikki's face if we went with the puppy killer spots?
Phyllis: I think the eating small children for breakfast would've been better.
Jack: Oh, I could just hear Victor now-- (imitating Victor) you will never get away with this, Jack Abbott. My mustache and I will see to it.
Phyllis: Do you know-- this is a little known fact-- the mustache is the source of his power.
Jack: (Normal voice) wait, all this time I could've had it shaved off while he was sleeping?
Phyllis: I'm telling you.
Jack: Hey, how did it go?
Sharon: Awful. It was horrible.
Jack: Uh, you wanna talk about it?
Sharon: Yeah, all of their questions were very personal, very invasive and I hated it. I hated every second of it.
Phyllis: What did you tell them?
Sharon: I told them the truth.
Next on "The Young and the Restless"...
Daniel: Lily's over the whole porn thing.
Amber: That's great if it's true.
Brad: Either I decide to testify against Phyllis or I get charged with perjury.
Michael: I mean it. No leaving the country. We're gonna wait to see how much pressure they put on Brad.
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