Y&R Transcript Tuesday 3/13/07

Y&R Transcript Tuesday 3/13/07 -- Canada; Wednesday 3/14/07 -- U.S.A.

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Amber: The test can't be negative.

Jill: It is. Look for yourself.

Amber: No, there's gotta be some kind of like clerical error or something. I mean, these people make minimum wage, right? I mean, I bet there's messes--

Kay: Somehow I doubt that, Amber.

Jill: DNA doesn't lie.

Cane: Well, it's better to know now than before I have to move Amber's 300 pounds of clothing again. I don't think my arms could bear another go.

Amber: Oh, no, no, no, I'm not gonna let you accept this, okay? This has gotta be wrong! This test is wrong!

Brad: You've reconsidered. Smart girl.

Phyllis: Woman. I'm a smart woman.

Brad: Ah, woman, yes. My bad. Sorry about that. The important thing is, you've thought this through. Making baseless accusations about me to my wife would only cast you in a bad light.

Phyllis: Mmm. Yeah, this Newman clan, they're very difficult to marry into, aren't they? They're very formidable.

Brad: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Phyllis: Mm-hmm.

Brad: Well, I'm glad we've come to an understanding.

Phyllis: Yeah. One. Then there is the trust issue. I mean, you and Victoria tell each other everything, right? I mean, almost everything.

Brad: She'll never believe you.

Phyllis: Really? Wow! I admire the faith. I should call Victoria and, you know, have her give me some tips about this husband/wife communication thing. Oh, let's give her a call, shall we?

Brad: You sure you wanna do that? You have an awful lot to lose. A scheming Phyllis at it again, that's what they'll say. In a business dispute with the wife? Accuse the husband of cheating.

Phyllis: Hey, Victoria! Hi, it's Phyllis. Phyllis--one. Brad--zero.

Victoria: Um...

Brad: Hey!

Victoria: You just called, right? I-I lost you.

Phyllis: Yes, your husband did that.

Victoria: Really? Why?

Phyllis: Oh, you know, I was... I was just gonna give you a book that I had read before Summer was born.

Brad: And, uh, I was gonna stop by the bookstore on my way home and get it for you as a surprise.

Phyllis: Oh, my gosh! Really?! I am so sorry! I didn't even get that. I'm so sorry. Okay, well, you're gonna have to give the mom-to-be another surprise, a really big one now.

J.T.: I leave my phone and that gives you the right to go through my numbers?

Korbel: To quote Machiavelli, sometimes the ends justify the means.

J.T.: Oh, so you're a spy now, huh, Korbel?

Korbel: Say whatever you like. The proof is right there.

Colleen: How could you tell the dean, J.T.?

J.T.: So now we're going from accusations straight to verdict? That's great.

Colleen: No, her number was in your phone!

J.T.: She is a client.

Korbel: And next you're gonna tell us that she hired you to determine whether the rumor you started was true.

J.T.: No, see, rumor implies that the facts are unknown, and that's not the case.

Colleen: Does it make you happy to hurt me?

J.T.: Not that I owe you two an explanation, but the dean didn't hire me to investigate your little fun and games. Are you satisfied?

Colleen: No. I know you, J.T., and you're lying.

Jack: I just thought of a sure way to win this election.

Sharon: Oh, yeah?

Jack: We replace my face with yours on all the campaign posters. That way, we're sure to have a landslide.

Sharon: Welcome back.

Jack: Thanks.

Sharon: So how was New York?

Jack: New York was horrible. I had great food, saw two great shows and missed you the whole time.

Sharon: Oh. Well, you always know the right thing to say to me, Jack.

Jack: What is it? What's going on?

Sharon: Nothing, nothing. It's just, um... you know, David Chow interviewed me. And, um... you know, it was just in case anything about my past might come out and be harmful to you.

Jack: Impossible.

Sharon: You think? I don't know, I felt like I was on trial for a lifetime of mistakes.

Jack: I m the poster boy for a lifetime of mistakes, and I'm not done yet. By contrast, your story would be a yawn.

Sharon: Hardly.

Jack: Hey, I'm sorry. I am. How about I make it up to you? I'll take you to dinner. Any talk of politics is strictly off-limits.

Sharon: Hmm.

David: Sorry to disappoint you, Jack, but you're one of us now. It's always about politics.

Jack: I was just telling Sharon that she has nothing to worry about in giving you very honest answers.

David: Yes, they were very intrusive questions. And you're absolutely right, she has nothing to worry about.

Jack: There. See?

David: You're the one the voters really care about, Jack. So time to open up the closet, examine your skeletons. If we don't, you're the one who will pay.

Jill: I'm really sorry, Cane. I... I felt that you...

Cane: There's no harm done.

Kay: Well, it's like you said, it's better to know now.

Amber: But... no! I mean, look at you two! I mean, when you guys get upset, you both frown the same way. When you laugh, you both have that little--

Jill: I know, but that's not real, okay? It's just what you wanted to see.

Kay: Yes. A situation perceived as real is real, and its consequences--

Amber: No, no, no, but this is not a situation! I mean, look at them! He is her son!

Jill: Amber, I believed it, too.

Kay: We all did. That's why I told you the truth, how you... how Jill's son was lost to us.

Cane: You mean, the, uh, the baby you stole, right? You're talking about your crime? The crime that your daughter is still paying for?

J.T.: Are you calling me a liar? Does that comment come with a laugh track?

Korbel: You know, despite what your behavior might indicate, one cannot stoop to conquer.

J.T.: Do you get paid by the word, or do you just like the sound of your own BS there, Professor?

Korbel: It's not my fault you're an ignoramus.

Colleen: What Adrian is trying to say, J.T., is that no matter what you think, going to the dean was low.

J.T.: Oh, thank you, thank you! Finally, I understand this relationship! She's your translator. That makes sense. Although, this setup doesn't need much translation.

Colleen: J.T., he brought over work that I missed when I was in the hospital! How many times do I have to tell you that?

Korbel: You got some short-term memory loss there, J.T.? You may wanna get that checked out. That's kind of important in your line of work.

J.T.: I'm pretty sure I was just distracted by the scent of the, uh, aromatherapy candles you had set up in here, huh? That's a nice scent. What do you call that, guilty as sin?

Colleen: The candles weren't for him.

Korbel: Okay, you may wanna take notes here. Colleen was relaxing. That's what people tend to do when they've experienced trauma.

J.T.: Thanks for the tip, Professor. How much do I owe you for that?

Korbel: Oh, no, that's-- that's free advice. And here's some more-- in your terms-- get lost. I'll get my bag.

Colleen: Okay.

Victoria: So one minute Phyllis is opposing everything that I say about Clear Springs and then the next she's calling me up on the phone to talk about baby books. What--what gives with that?

Brad: Hormones.

Victoria: Hormones?

Brad: yeah, you know, I saw her in the-- in the nursery with Summer. It's like she becomes an entirely different person when she's around that baby.

Victoria: Okay, well, then let's do all of our business deals with her in that room.

Brad: You know, I was thinking...

Victoria: Hmm?

Brad: Life's too short to waste time arguing about money. We have more important things to worry about, like that baby. What do you say if we just let Phyllis have her way on the Clear Springs project?

Victoria: What? Are you kidding me?

Brad: Is it really such a big deal?

Victoria: Is it a big deal? Yeah, it's--it's a big deal. Yeah, it's a huge deal. And there's no way that I'm changing my vote.

Brad: All right. You know, I just thought that with the baby coming--

Victoria: Did Phyllis say something to you? Because if something in your little chat about baby books convinced you that this isn't important, I'd like to know what it is.

David: How many times were you married?

Jack: These scars on my face are rice marks. You got an abacus?

Sharon: And he's friends with his exes. He works with a couple of them.

David: Well, that's great. Shows you're not vindictive. You know how to build bridges.

Jack: You know, somehow I think you could spin Hannibal Lecter into a brilliant but misunderstood fellow with a unique eating disorder.

David: Well, let's just say I'm really great at my job.

Sharon: But that's not gonna hurt him, is it? You know, he gets along with Phyllis really well.

David: No, a supportive ex is a major plus.

Phyllis: Mmm, I know a cue line when I hear one.

David: Jack was just discussing his marital history with us.

Phyllis: Oh, that's not a discussion. That's an all-nighter.

Sharon: This is serious, Phyllis.

Phyllis: I actually am serious. Listen, besides, uh, Jack's girlfriend here, I'm his biggest fan.

Jack: Thank you.

David: Great! Then you won't mind being next on my interview list?

Phyllis: No. No. About what?

David: Well, I'm doing a background check on anyone close to the candidate. Do you mind?

Phyllis: Oh, not at all. Not at all. I'm a great person to ask, 'cause I know almost everything about the people who are closest to Jack.

David: According to my research, you have quite the technicolor past.

Phyllis: Well, um, black and white is so retro.

David: Well, let's get to it.

Phyllis: Bring it on.

David: Tell me everything I don't wanna know about you and Jack.

Korbel: Okay, I think you'll find this critique on Brunelleschi's one point linear perspective quite compelling.

J.T.: Oh, Brunelleschi? Isn't that that tomato stuff you spread on toast?

Korbel: Well, that's a brilliant insight there, Columbo. Colleen, uh, I think you need to translate again. "Get lost" was too difficult for him to understand.

J.T.: Oh, you just-- you're just overcompensating. That's okay. It's a height thing.

Korbel: You know, don't underestimate my ability to knock you out.

J.T.: Don't underestimate the joy it would give me to watch you try.

Colleen: Okay, you know what? Stop it! This is ridiculous!

Korbel: I couldn't agree more.

J.T.: Oh, I bet you couldn't. You got your head so far up your--

Colleen: Stop! I'm serious! Look, I have to study. I want you both to leave. Now.

Korbel: After you.

J.T.: Ladies first.

Colleen: Okay. Get out.

Korbel: I'll call you.

J.T.: I won't.

Colleen: Hey, it's me. Yeah, I need some help. Thanks.

Cane: Well, I guess we should be going.

Amber: Are you sure?

Cane: Well...

Cane: I guess that's it, huh?

Jill: I just... I want you to know something. I would've been very, very proud to have you as my son.

Cane: Oh. Thank you. Don't be sad.

Kay: Ahem. Now that, uh, you and Amber know so much about us, I hope you're not going to be strangers.

Amber: Of course not.

Kay: Cane, I only told you what happened because I thought it would be very important for you to take that DNA test, so that Jill once and for all could see if she had found her son.

Jill: That's what you're worried about? That's what you're worried about? That he might go to the police about you?

Cane: No worries, Mrs. Chancellor. That's okay.

Amber: We're never gonna tell anyone.

Jill: My God, can you be so selfish?

Kay: Now you listen to me, young lady, I wish with all my heart this young man was your son, but he isn't. And we can't change that. We can't change that. There's no sense-- no sense in wallowing in that fact.

Jill: Wallowing? When it feels like I just lost my son all over again?!

Kay: Jill...

Cane: Maybe my idea of a mom is a fantasy 'cause I never had one. But, Mrs. Chancellor, I don't understand. Jill is your child, and you caused her all this pain.

Kay: I'm aware of that.

Amber: This whole thing-- it's just not making any sense, okay? We know that Cane's mother is Violet Montgomery!

Cane: Baby--

Amber: You gave Jill's son to Violet Montgomery! No! Many people have that name? Only this stupid piece of paper says Cane's not your son--

Jill: The stupid piece of paper is a DNA test, and not some of a fortune cookie

Cane: Shh.

Jill: It is over! We have to accept it!

Kay: Jill...

Amber: Okay, look, if there is even just the teeniest, tiniest little chance, you-- you guys should do the test again.

Cane: Is that what you'd like?

Jill: If you're willing, I'm willing.

Amber: Okay, it's a do-over.

Kay: F-first thing tomorrow, I will make the arrangements. I will make the arrangements.

Victoria: Oh, good. There you are. Listen, my body is already telling me that I'm eating for two. So why don't you take me to dinner, and I'll forget your temporary insanity about Clear Springs?

Brad: Oh, you know what, Sweetheart?

Victoria: What?

Brad: I'm swamped. Can you wait an hour?

Victoria: No. I was hungry an hour ago. Okay, I-I'll bring you back something.

Brad: That would be great. You pick.

Victoria: Okay, I'll pick.

Brad: All right.

Sharon: Hey.

Brad: Hey.

Sharon: You busy?

Brad: Um... no, what's up?

Sharon: Well, I wish there was a peephole in the conference room, because Phyllis is in there right now with David Chow.

Brad: Doing what?

Sharon: Well, you know, first I get the third degree, and now it's her turn, only she has a lot more than three degrees to spill.

Brad: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Sharon: You know what? I'm not. I don't know why nothing seems to stick to the Teflon redhead, but I'm sick of it.

Brad: Not your usual gracious self today, are you?

Sharon: No. You know, it's just--for once I would like to see Phyllis get what she deserves.

Brad: Yeah, well, I mean, it wouldn't really help anything, would it? I mean, this--this is for Jack's benefit, right?

Sharon: Well, you know, she can't really hurt him. He's her victim, as am I. You know what? I think that Phyllis deserves any negative press that she gets after what she has done, and deep down I know that you agree with me.

Colleen: So there it was-- the dean's number in J.T.'s cell phone. And then he lied about it.

Lily: Yep, that's pretty lame.

Colleen: I just can't believe he would do something like that. What? What is that look for?

Lily: Um... well... maybe you're just trying to find a reason to hate J.T. so you won't feel so guilty about cheating on him.

Colleen: Oh, wow! Thanks for your support.

Lily: Okay, hold on now. Now if he called the dean, then, yes, that's messed up. But he saved your life. So he obviously still has thing for you, and why would he ruin it now?

Colleen: Because he would do anything to hurt Adrian.

Lily: Okay, forget about J.T. what's going on with you and Adrian?

Colleen: Nothing. He just stopped by to drop off an assignment that I missed.

Lily: And J.T. thought it was something else?

Colleen: Mm-hmm. Of course he did.

Lily: Well, sounds like he's not gonna get over you anytime soon.

Victoria: Ooh. All alone, drowning your sorrows again. You know, this is really starting to become a bad habit for you.

J.T.: Oh, well, not if it gets a beautiful woman to come and join me. Ah. Point made. Pick your poison.

Victoria: I'm fine. I'm eating.

J.T.: Suit yourself.

Victoria: You're upset about Colleen.

J.T.: You think?

Victoria: You know, J.T., you really do need to let it go.

J.T.: Well, I would love to sit and chat about what I should and shouldn't do, but... I got a hot date. Dean Lamont. How are you?

Dean Lamont: Great. How are you?

J.T.: Good.

Dean Lamont: Okay.

David: Now you were having an affair with Nicholas Newman while he was still married to Sharon, am I right?

Phyllis: How is that relevant to Jack's campaign?

David: Well, you were still seeing Jack at the time.

Phyllis: Wow. You--you really-- you really research, don't you? Huh. Well, I am now married to Nick, and I haven't been romantically involved with Jack for a very, very long time, and if I were you, I'd be talking to the current woman in Jack's life.

Phyllis: Oh. Huh. Well, here's a tip from the ex-wife to the whirling dervish campaign manager-- don't rely on one source for the truth.

Phyllis: I checked out all the top campaign web sites.

Phyllis: It "Inspiration."

Jack: Well, I'm talking about admiration. You've gone above and beyond, not only designing the web site but answering all of David's questions.

Phyllis: Yeah, that was, um, sort of like root canal. Once he gets going, he doesn't stop.

Jack: That rough, huh? I'm sorry.

Phyllis: So am I, if I, uh, end up reading it in "The Chronicle" tomorrow morning.

Jack: You know, David says if a person's honest about his past, shows he can change, the voters will forgive almost anything.

Phyllis: Really? What are my chances, slim to none?

Jack: You have changed, in the best possible way.

Phyllis: So have you.

Sharon: Hey.

Jack: Hey, look who's here.

Sharon: Hey, is that, uh, dinner offer still valid?

Jack: Oh, absolutely. Yeah, Phyllis and I are just finishing up some things here. She has some ideas that'll give the edge I need to win this campaign.

Sharon: Oh, great. Well, if you need me to jump in and help with that--

Phyllis: No, for anything. Uh, we have this covered, but thanks, Sharon.

Jack: You know, you could wait in my office. It won't be that long.

Sharon: Uh, okay.

Jack: Wait, Sh-Sharon, thank you. Thank you both for, uh, answering all of David's questions. I know that wasn't easy.

Phyllis: Ooh. Sharon, are you still smarting?

Sharon: No, I'm not. Yours must have been rugged, though. It's hard to keep the players straight without a scorecard, huh?

Jack: Maybe we ought to get back to work.

Sharon: Okay. I'll see you later, Jack. Um, and good luck.

Colleen: So I tried to let J.T. down easily, but he just didn't get it.

Lily: When was this?

Colleen: After Adrian left the first time. J.T. stayed and said that he wanted us to give it another try.

Lily: And what did you tell him?

Colleen: That he was a great guy... I don't know, at he was my first love, and that I'll never forget that and... I mean, he knows as much as I do that things just weren't working out.

Lily: Well, I mean, you seem cool with your decision.

Colleen: I am. It was inevitable.

Lily: So why did Adrian come back?

Colleen: What?

Lily: Well, you said that J.T. poured his heart out after Adrian left the first time.

Colleen: Oh. Well, y--right, he came to drop off the assignments, and then he had to come back so that he could explain, you know, like, go over the notes with me.

Lily: Oh, wow.

Lily: I bet that looked very suspicious to J.T.

Colleen: Yeah.

Lily: I'm sure the investigator part of his brain went into overdrive.

Colleen: Hello? Oh, hi. Eat. Oh, yeah. No, that sounds like fun. All right, I'll see you there. Bye.

Lily: Well, that put a smile on your face, missy.

Colleen: That was Rocky. He's the new bartender at the Athletic Club. He asked me out.

Lily: Oh, great. Just what you need, another guy.

Korbel: Good evening, Dean... J.T.

J.T.: Hmm.

Dean Lamont: Professor Korbel.

J.T.: The ringleader is Gregory Hiller. He's a transfer student from Marquette. He's a computer whiz. He hacked into the psyche department database, downloaded tests and gave 'em to five or six of his friends. Now it's all in this report right here.

Dean Lamont: You know, J.T., kids these days know too much for their own good. When students cheat, I take it personally. I'm going to be sure that he receives the appropriate discipline this time. Thank you. You did an excellent job.

J.T.: Well, thank you, Dean, and, uh, I'm glad I could help.

Dean Lamont: Of course.

J.T.: Thank you.

Korbel: Do you eat alone often?

Victoria: Yes. I like my own company.

Korbel: You know, I read the article about your adventures in Kunta Hora. I didn't want to say anything until I knew Colleen was all right. It really is incredible.

Victoria: Well, yeah, because of you and Colleen. If you two hadn't have cracked the code on the artifact, we'd be right back where we started.

Korbel: Oh, the whole thing was very espionage novelesque.

Victoria: Pardon me? Is that actually a word?

Korbel: Well, I find if I say things with a great deal of conviction, people assume I know better. Really comes in handy in the classroom.

Victoria: Yeah, it doesn't hurt in the business world either.

Korbel: Now I understand why you were so wary of my interest in your art collection.

Victoria: Yes, well, at the time we had no idea if you were involved in the novelesque plot.

Korbel: And now that you know I'm not, the only reward I ask is--

Victoria: A couple of gold bullion bars?

Korbel: Maybe next time. This time I'm just gonna ask that you make some of the Newman collection public.

Victoria: Well, I don't think that's such a good idea. You know, I admire your knowledge of art, Adrian, but not enough to ignore your relationship with my stepdaughter.

Korbel: I don't want to see Colleen hurt any more than you do.

Victoria: What does that mean exactly?

Korbel: It means that she and I have both spoken with the dean, and our personal relationship is over.

Lily: Sparkly lip gloss, six coats of mascara...

Colleen: Date makeup.

Lily: We talking a thong and fishnets, too?

Colleen: Lily, I hardly know the guy.

Lily: Well, you don't think it's a little fast, you're jumping right back into the dating scene?

Colleen: Oh, it's no big deal. Rocky flirts with everyone. Besides, it'll be a nice change.

Lily: I guess.

Colleen: Rocky?

Lily: And that means no complications.

Colleen: Exactly.

Lily: But I mean, what happened with J.T. tonight? What about that?

Colleen: We're just going out for drinks. I mean, I go and wallow, or I could go hang out with a hot guy. I'm sorry, but I choose option two. No more drama for me tonight, okay?

Kay: Well, we should have Esther, uh, make us some dinner, a light one.

Jill: I'm not hungry. I just feel... I don't know what I feel.

Kay: Disappointed.

Jill: God, why did I do it? Why did I let myself believe... and get my hopes up? Why? I have buried a husband. I have buried a son.

Jill: I'm talking about my other Phillip... because giving birth isn't the only thing that makes a child yours... and I raised that boy, and he was my child.

Kay: Yes, I know.

Jill: I don't ever want to feel that sad again. I just can't do it, Katherine.

Amber: Okay, check this out. This guy in Utah did a DNA test when his wife gave birth because he thought she was getting funky with his best friend, okay? The results just got mixed up.

Cane: Did he find out the truth?

Amber: Well, he ended up murdering his best friend, and it came out in the trial.

Cane: There's an upbeat tale. Say it's a rugby match, and some dag--that's a loser-- manages to score. It's a nonrecurring phenomenon, meaning that the chances of it happening again are up there with the Immaculate Conception.

Amber: Okay, but this guy in Utah--

Cane: Seriously, Amber, I'm not putting Jill through this again. She's a good person.

Amber: But you already said that you'd redo the test.

Cane: Right... and I've changed my mind.

Sharon: Hey, you know, for a, uh, experienced campaign manager, you're a lot less detail-oriented than I expected.

David: Why, because I'm not working on Jack's web site? All right, shoot me. I know how to delegate.

Sharon: Well, you did all the in-depth interviews yourself--mine, Phyllis'. By the way, she said hers was a breeze.

David: I'm really good at taking private minuses and turning them into public plusses.

Sharon: I see. Take, for example, Phyllis.

David: Have you ever seen, uh, a politician at a press conference? They're asked a pointed question, and they give a dazzling response which, in fact, has nothing to do with the question posed. It's a valuable skill.

Sharon: Like you just did with me. Look, um, here's the thing-- I care about Jack very much, and I understand why you asked the questions that you did. But when it comes to Phyllis and her affair with my husband and my divorce--

David: All right, all right. Now you both might see things in a very different way.

Sharon: I want to help, and I don't care what people find out about the divorce as long as they know the truth.

David: Okay. I'm listening. Now it happened right after you lost your daughter, right?

Sharon: Yeah. Um, Nick and I, we became very different people after that happened. We were still very, very much in love, but we did not know how to help each other through Cassie's death, and we just lost our connection.

David: And how did Phyllis get involved?

Sharon: Well, you know, when you're sad, you...reach out for something that would fill the emptiness... and sex with someone new can be like a drug. It'll help you forget about the pain, at least for the time being. So she took advantage of my husband when he was most vulnerable.

Phyllis: And you forgot about the part, um, that I eat small children for breakfast.

David: What? Oh, no, no. Um, Sharon and I were actually doing a mock press conference.

Phyllis: Were you?

David: Yeah. Yeah. She was throwing the worst she could think of at me, and I was playing the role of Jack.

Sharon: That's right. That's exactly what we were doing.

Phyllis: That is so funny, because I just ran into Brad, and we were playing the same fun game, only it was about you, Sharon. Yeah, we were trying to figure out, what kind of gossip can we come up with regarding Sharon? Something indiscreet, yet shattering.

Kay: We are not giving up, Jill.

Jill: Is that the royal "We"? You seem to think you have the divine right to interfere in other people's lives.

Kay: Stop. We need a plan.

Jill: Oh, "We" do, do we?

Kay: Yes. If the front door's locked, try the back.

Jill: Excuse me?

Kay: Well, the son you raised didn't appear out of thin air. He was given to me in exchange for your baby. Now if we could find out who he was... it could lead us right to Phillip.

Amber: Honey... it's so sweet of you to worry about Jill like that.

Cane: It doesn't matter what Jill says. I'm not gonna put her through any more disappointment.

Amber: Yeah, but I think she needs to do the test, just to be sure. I mean, she has all these maternal feelings for you.

Cane: That's all the more reason not to cause her any more pain.

Amber: Yeah, but I mean, can you imagine if she had to live with the doubt? I mean, how horrible would that be?

Cane: Baby, I appreciate how enthusiastic you've been about this, but--and I admit at one point it looked good-- it's not gonna happen, okay? It's done. It's done.

Amber: But it can't be done. I mean, you shouldn't even make this decision without Jill.

Cane: I already have. And I'm thinking you and I need to have a fresh start.

Amber: Uh-huh.

Cane: How about us newlyweds go to Australia?

Amber: Australia?

Cane: We can do a walkabout in the outback. The desert is magnificent, and a woman has not lived until she has seen Alice Springs.

Amber: Okay. You see, about--about me, I love the cold, love it, just--I thrive in it, which is why I moved to Genoa City. You know, in the desert, I'd--I burn. I--

Cane: We can put one of those big Aussie hats on you. You'll be dashing.

Amber: Well, I, um...

Cane: Pair of sturdy hiking boots, a walking stick, you'll be good to go. And we'll get rid of all that fancy face paint and fancy frocks. You will be as happy as a clam. You'll see. You'll see.

J.T.: Hey. Come on, have a seat. Korbel... Korbel. Hey, do you think the champagne is named after him? 'Cause if it is, I'm gonna toast in his honor.

Victoria: I think you've had enough.

J.T.: What is it with him and the ladies anyway?

Victoria: You're drunk.

J.T.: Mmm. Yeah, and you're pretty.

Victoria: We were talking about art, J.T., and we were talking about the fact that we might be working on a project together.

J.T.: Oh, well, why don't you just welcome him into the family?

Victoria: Don't be ridiculous.

J.T.: No, you do anything with him, and it'll be like saying, "Hey, get it on with my stepdaughter."

Victoria: (Whispers) he said that they've ended it.

J.T.: And you believe that? Well, let me tell you something. That will happen when pigs fly.

Colleen: Hi.

Rocky: How are you?

Colleen: Good.

Rocky: Good.

Victoria: Oink.

Colleen: Victoria, hi. Um, this is Rocky. Rocky, this is my stepmother Victoria and--

Rocky: Hi.

Victoria: Hi.

Colleen: I assume you've met J.T. smells like you've been serving him all night.

Rocky: Yeah.

Victoria: It's my pleasure to meet you.

Rocky: The pleasure's mine.

Colleen: All right, well, um, have a great time. Let's go.

Rocky: Ready?

Colleen: Yeah.

Rocky: All right.

David: Web site looks great.

Jack: I couldn't have asked for more. Phyllis designed the whole thing. Oh, Sharon is in my office waiting for me to take her to dinner. I gotta run.

David: You know, I'm trying to picture Sharon and Phyllis at the same campaign event. You might want to bring body bags.

Jack: That bad, huh?

David: Worse. I strongly urge you to keep the two of them apart at all times. Otherwise that giant sucking sound you hear will be your candidacy going down the drain.

Brad: Well, get back to me with your proposal. Okay. All right. You okay?

Sharon: That depends. Did you just talk to Phyllis?

Brad: No, I-I've, uh, been on the phone for the last half-hour with the West Coast.

Sharon: She was lying.

Brad: About?

Sharon: Well, you know how she usually hurls these ridiculous accusations at people with this silly smile on her face, and it usually means nothing? Well, this was different. This was more powerful, like she knew something.

Brad: She does.

Sharon: What does she know?

Brad: I tried to get Victoria to change her mind on Clear Springs so that Phyllis would get her way, but--

Sharon: Why would you be trying to make Phyllis, of all people, happy, and what does this have to do with anything?

Brad: She knows about us, Sharon.

Sharon: How much does she know?

Brad: Everything that happened in New York.

Sharon: How?

Brad: I'm not sure. She claims to have overheard our conversation at the athletic club.

Sharon: She's bluffing.

Brad: She spoke to our room service waiter.

Sharon: Oh, great. So what are we gonna do?

Brad: Well, for right now, we do whatever it takes to keep her happy. Whatever you do, don't provoke her.

Sharon: I think it might be too late for that, Brad.

Next on "The Young and the Restless"...

Amber: I could take my shirt off right now. We could compare.

Phyllis: You shouldn't have dragged Sharon into this.

Brad: She has a right to know if someone's threatening her.

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