Wednesday Y&R Transcript 12/22/04

Y&R Transcript Wednesday 12/22/04 -- Canada, Thursday 12/23/04 -- U.S.A.

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By Eric
Proofread by Emma

Bobby: I don't think I heard you right.

Nikki: I think you did.

Bobby: You wanna buy Marilynís? Why?

Nikki: Is it for sale or isn't it?

Bobby: You know, Nikki, you were very clear from the get-go that you didn't wanna put one dime into the place. Now you wanna own it? What's going on? Some big real estate deal going down I don't know about?

Nikki: Yeah, that's it. How did you know that? The fact is things are changing in my life. I didn't think it was a good idea before, but I do now.

Bobby: Does this have anything to do with what's been bothering you?

Nikki: Look, its Christmas. I'm getting into the spirit.

Bobby: Nikki, I'm not a charity case. Be it would be an investment. Just think of it as my Christmas gift to myself.

Bobby: Okay, so why would you wanna invest in a nightclub that's in the red?

Nikki: Need I remind you that that's where victor and i first met? It has great sentimental value.

Bobby: That was the Bayou.

Nikki: Same building, same stage.

Bobby: I'm not buying it. What's the real reason you wanna do this?

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Dru: This one's for Aunt Mamie, and she'll pick it up when she comes back from her trip, all right?

Neil: Okay, yeah.

Dru: This one's for Olivia.

Neil: Keep them coming.

Dru: Okay, and this one's from you-- it's from you to Malcolm.

Neil: Yeah, yeah, you know, I was shopping the other day and I saw something I thought he might like, but since he's already left town, I guess I'll, uh, keep it for myself.

Dru: This one's for Devon. He's gonna love these sneakers, honey, that you got him.

Neil: Well, he ought to. They cost a million dollars.

Dru: Right, so it's an extra bit of cash, but you know how much he loves basketball, and he's probably never had a pair of designer sneakers.

Neil: Yeah, he'll be thrilled. Honey, he was practically drooling over them at the sporting goods store. You know, I just want Devon to feel like he's really part of the family.

Dru: Yeah.

Neil: Know what he told me?

Dru: What?

Neil: Some of his foster families would give him hand-me-downs for Christmas-- one of those little things the cut deep.

Dru: Yeah, well, it's all about finding the balance, right? I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I don't want him to think that Christmas is about spending a lot of money and getting a lot of gifts.

Neil: Yeah, I don't think we have to worry about that, baby. Devon knows what's important in this family. You can't put that under a tree.

Dru: No, you canít.

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Lily: Man, I am so glad that I found something for my dad because he is impossible to shop for. I hope my Uncle Malcolm likes what I got him. If not, I guess he can just take it back, right?

Devon: Mm-hmm.

Lily: And remember, do not tell my dad that Malcolm is still in town because it's a surprise.

Devon: Okay.

Lily: So why didn't you get anything? That last store had some great stuff.

Devon: I--I didn't see anything that I liked, Lily. There was nothing there.

Lily: Oh, really? Well, we have been shopping quite a few times, and I haven't seen you buy one present. Have you been to the mall again without me? Okay, you know what? Don't tell me, okay? 'Cause I will find out soon enough.

Devon: All right, you know what? I think I'm gonna get some coffee, okay? Would you like anything?

Lily: Yeah, I'll have a mocha with whipped cream.

Devon: Whipped cream? Okay, I'll be right back.

Lily: Okay.

Devon: Hey, can I get two mochas with whipped cream? Thanks.

Boy: Hey, Devon. Man, I ain't seen you around in months.

Devon: Hey, Andrť, what's up, man? What are you doing?

Andre: Not much. You know, group home's boring as ever, but you don't care about that, right? I hear you living large these days. So tell me about it.

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Brad: Hey, everybody. Come on, honey.

Abby: Mommy!

Ashley: Oh, hey, merry Christmas! My favorite little snowflake, give me a hug. Oh, you're more like an icicle. You're freezing.

Abby: It's cold outside.

Ashley: Ooh, we gotta warm you up.

John: Well, you know, I think we just might be able to fix that.

Abby: Do you have some hot chocolate?

John: Do I have some chocolate? Yes, I think she knew that we were waiting for her, huh?

Gloria: My little chocolate monster. Come on.

John: Come on, come on. Oh, you're getting big. Oh, my goodness, I need three hands to hold you.

Ashley: Thanks for bringing her.

Brad: Decorating the tree? Abby wouldn't miss it.

Ashley: Yeah, well, I hope you're gonna stay awhile.

Brad: I was planning on it, just as I was planning on us all having a wonderful Christmas together.

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Kevin: I'm addicted to these things.

Michael: You're addicted to a lot of things.

Kevin: Yeah, like Christmas.

Michael: I may have to check into a hotel, preferably one that's not decorated like a bordello frequented by elves.

Kevin: What, you don't like Mom's taste?? I think it looks great in here.

Michael: Taste... look, you promise at the stroke of midnight on December 26th, all this goes down the hallway to the incinerator. Look, don't look at me that way. We have a deal.

Kevin: I had my fingers crossed behind my back. Come on, Michael, don't be such a wet blanket. Remember what Lauren said, about letting other people enjoy the holidays?

Michael: I'd prefer not to talk about Lauren now, okay?

Kevin: Have you heard from her?

Michael: No.

Kevin: Well, did you call her?

Michael: Look, why are you eating in the living room? You know the rules.

Kevin: They're just walnuts.

Michael: Yeah, well, first it's walnuts, next it's spaghetti, pretty soon that chair smells like the sofa in your old apartment.

Kevin: You're just mad because you ticked off Lauren and now she isn't speaking to you, am I right?

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Nikki: If you really wanna know, I started working at Marilynís on a lark. I had no idea it was gonna bring a whole new dimension into my life. It rekindled something that I thought was gone forever.

Bobby: You do understand that owning your own club is a real pain in the neck?

Nikki: Well, I think it'll be exciting. It'll be a challenge. Here, have some cider. I'll take care of the existing debt, and you will continue to run the club.

Bobby: Oh, this is good. All right, big shot, what's your offer to buy me out?

Nikki: I'll pay you $100,000. Do we have a deal?

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John: Bravo, bravo.

Gloria: Abby, yeah.

Jack: Hey, hey, you started the party without me?

Ashley: There's still plenty for you to do.

Abby: We have all the green ornaments for you to put on.

Jack: Because you knew they were my favorites, right?

John: Well, I see you got the mail, Jackie?

Jack: Yeah, bumped into the mailman on the way in.

Brad: Imagine he's pretty loaded down today.

Jack: Boy, is he. Oh, look at this. Gloria, there's one for you. It looks like a Christmas card.

Gloria: Really? Must be from one of my friends. Probably Loretta from Detroit.

Jack: No, actually, this is local. No name, but a return address. Who do you know at 250 Market, number 632?

Gloria: It's from one of my sons.

John: Really? I wonder which one.

Gloria: Uh... oh, Steven.

John: The younger one?

Gloria: Uh-huh. Oh, I'll look at it later.

Ashley: Isn't that where you were last night, visiting your boys?

Gloria: Yeah, that's right.

Ashley: There was some kind of a problem, right? Well, Dad said you phoned. I know it was pretty late.

Gloria: It's a long story. My older son Ben hates Christmas-- always has, always will.

Abby: How could anybody hate Christmas?

Gloria: Well, I have no idea, baby, but that's how he is. So Steven and I, well, we decided to see if we could change his mind, and so we got the apartment all decorated. It looked fantastic. We were so excited, and then Ben came home and pitched a fit, told us to take it all down.

Brad: Did you?

Gloria: No, no, no, no, I refused, so Benís pretty mad. I don't know what he's gonna make his brother do. So when I left there this morning, things were pretty tense. I wouldn't count on either one of them for Christmas.

John: Well, that's just too bad. You know, I was hoping that we could have all of the family together this Christmas.

Gloria: Well, I know. I was hoping that, too. It's the main reason that I went over there in the first place, to see if I could try to convince them to come over here and celebrate, but as I told you when I called last night, it's just not gonna happen.

Jack: You know what? I gotta run out again. I still haven't finished with my Christmas shopping.

Ashley: You know all my sizes, right, Jackie?

Jack: Yeah, right.

Gloria: Well...

Brad: What have you got there, honey? Let me see that. Oh, that's a good one.

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Kevin: Hit the nail on the head, didn't I, Mikey?

Michael: All right, I am upset that Lauren saw fit to walk out on me this morning. Happy? I suppose you think I owe her an apology.

Kevin: Well, you certainly owe Mom one. You were so rude to her. All of the sudden, it was like you were the nutcase and I was the sane one in the family.

Michael: I just can't get into this, all right? All this frou-frou for what's supposedly a religious holiday. What does this crap have to do with the birth of Jesus? It's utter nonsense.

Kevin: That isn't what bugs you about it, though, is it?

Kevin: I just wish...

Michael: What do you wish?

Kevin: We had it so rotten growing up, you know? We never had a nice tree, stockings, nothing, none of the little things that kids look forward to, not even a lump of coal as a joke.

Michael: You think all this could ever make up for that?

Kevin: I've spent so many years being mad at the world, Mikey. Where'd it get me?

Kevin: You're always telling me that I need to turn over a new leaf, get my life together. I'm finally doing it, you know? I'm trying to fit in, get a little joy out of something that other people actually approve of. And you know what? It's working. I'm changing, I can feel it. I don't know, I walk in here and I look at that tree, and I don't know, I smile. I can't help but feel a little glow inside. Why do you hate that?

Michael: I don't hate that. I mean, truly, Kevin, I'm happy for you.

Kevin: Why can't you be happy with me?

Michael: Tell you the truth, I don't know. Just can't get into it.

Kevin: Did you ever try?

Michael: I don't know what to say to you.

Kevin: But you would, like, if you could figure it out? I mean, get into it?

Michael: Clean up the shells when you're finished, all right?

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Dru: I can't wait to see Devonís face, honey, when he sees his gift under the tree.

Neil: I just hope we're not sending him the wrong message, you know, by giving him such an expensive gift right after he ditched that class.

Dru: Are you afraid he might think that we're rewarding him for bad behavior?

Neil: I don't know. Aren't we?

Dru: No, honey, I think he's learned his lesson. Come on.

Neil: Yeah, I guess so.

Dru: Honey, cut him some slack, okay? He's not used to getting this kind of attention, much less attention on his education. The good news is that he's buckling down, sweetheart. He's getting really good grades.

Neil: Yeah, yeah, but is he only doing it because of us? You know, it won't be long now, he'll be on his own. We won't be hovering over him, telling him what to do.

Dru: But all the more reason to get him fired up about his education, help him focus on a subject that's he really enthusiastic about.

Neil: Right, right, show him how far he could go with it, huh?

Dru: Yeah, it could be his new year's resolution. What do you think?

Neil: I think if anyone can help him do that, Dru, it's you, baby.

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Devon: So what do you wanna know?

Andre: Well, I heard you living in one of those swank high-rises downtown.

Devon: Yeah, that's right. You heard right. It's nice, too.

Andre: I'll bet. Hope you're working your new foster parents for everything you can, 'cause we both know that ride won't last long.

Devon: Well, you know what, Andrť? So far everything has been real cool being there. I think--I think I'm gonna stay for awhile.

Andre: Yeah?

Devon: Yeah.

Andre: 'Cause rich folks are just dying to take in people like us, huh? Man, please. Everyone's taking bets on how soon you'll be back.

Devon: Oh, really? Well, I--I don't know. I don't know. These people I'm with, they're definitely different. I mean, they're treating me like family. Check this out here. Look. Get this.

Andre: Whoa. They gave you all that cash?

Devon: Yeah, they did, to buy Christmas presents with.

Andre: Sweet. So why ain't you spent any of it yet?

Devon: 'Cause this Christmas shopping stuff really ain't my thing.

Andre: Well, maybe you not shopping for the right person.

Devon: What are you talking about not shopping for the right person?

Andre: Listen to this. I was at the mall this morning, right?

Devon: Yeah.

Andre: They got in some of those fancy high-tops we was admiring, prices going down on them, too-- only a hundred bucks a pair.

Devon: Really? Only a hundred bucks?

Andre: Yeah, you got the bread, so stop tripping. Why don't you take that wad of cash and spend it on yourself... and your good friend Andrť, of course?

Devon: I don't know, Andrť. I don't know.

Andre: Come on, man, share the wealth a little. You think I'm gonna get jack this year at the group home? Look, man, I got some places I gotta be, so I'll tell you what-- meet me at the mall in, let's say, an hour right where we used to hang out.

Devon: All right.

Andre: All right, cool?

Devon: Yeah.

Andre: All right.

Devon: See ya.

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Bobby: $100,000, huh? What are you smoking?

Nikki: It's a fair price.

Bobby: Nikki, you've seen the books. You know I don't own the building. It's just the lease and the name. Let me tell you something, the sign cost more than the name.

Nikki: A lot of business go through rough patches.

Bobby: Nikki, you're much too savvy a businesswoman for me to believe that you think this is a good investment. You're throwing money at me because you feel sorry for me, and I take offense to that.

Nikki: But please donít. That's not my intention.

Bobby: Okay, I'm gonna handle my own problems my own way like I always have.

Nikki: I know, and I think it's a travesty that you've never had anybody to go to for help in your life.

Bobby: Well, that's how life is when your last name isn't Newman.

Nikki: Believe me, I know that firsthand, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Bobby: Okay, Nikki, why are you doing all this? I haven't known you that long, but you keep going above and beyond for me. You invited Brittany and me into your home, you're offering to pay for the repairs on my condo and now this, and every time I ask you why, you change the subject.

Nikki: Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can't you just accept my generosity without all these questions?

Bobby: Okay, let's get real here for a second. Nobody throws around large sums of money for no reason. Even my old partners, those wise guys, they expected something in return, but not you. You keep throwing all this at me like you owe me something.

Nikki: I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Bobby: No, no, no, no. You're involving me in something here, and I wanna know what it is. Nikki, what is causing you so much pain?

Nikki: Who says I'm in pain?

Bobby: It's written all over your face. Now does this or does this not have something to do with me?

Nikki: All right, just stop it. Stop asking all these questions. It's Christmas. I don't wanna talk about anything unpleasant.

Bobby: I don't care its Christmas. I wanna know.

Nikki: I can't talk about this now.

Bobby: No, no, Nikki, don't do this.

Nikki: No!

Bobby: I wanna talk about this.

Nikki: Well, my goodness, you're giving Santa a run for his money.

Victor: I certainly am. Come here, sweetheart.

Nikki: Now don't tell me you did all this shopping by yourself.

Victor: You don't think I could?

Nikki: No.

Victor: I love being out in the trenches. And guess who I saw working at Laurenís boutique.

Nikki: Who?

Victor: Brittany. Evidentially, she's working there to help out her husband.

Nikki: Well, good for her.

Victor: I gave her some money so that she could buy him a present.

Nikki: You did?

Victor: Yeah.

Nikki: Well, that was very sweet. Why would you do that?

Victor: Because it's Christmastime.

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Abby: The wise man!

Ashley: Yeah.

Brad: You like that one, huh?

Abby: He's so cute.

Gloria: Wanna hang him on the tree, sweetie?

Abby: Okay. I wanna put it real up high, Daddy.

Brad: Real up high? Okay, I think I'm just the Daddy for the job. Come on.

Ashley: You guys, don't forget. We have to save room for the heirloom ornaments, okay? I don't think we've opened that box yet. Where'd it go?

Brad: I haven't seen them.

Ashley: It's gotta be here somewhere.

Gloria: What? What is it you're missing, Ashley?

Ashley: Oh, a box of family ornaments-- very special. I brought the box down myself. I was showing Abby just the other day.

Abby: Yeah, I even saw your first Christmas ornament.

Ashley: That's right, when I was a little, tiny, teeny baby.

Abby: It was really neat.

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Kevin: She found these gorgeous ornaments-- I don't even know where. She's trying to do something for you that she was never able to do before, something she wanted so bad for us when we were kids, something that she dreamed about, and you spit in her face.

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Ashley: Well, I thought so. Where did it go? That is so strange. I don't understand this.

Brad: Well, I'm sure they'll turn up.

Ashley: Well, they'd better. They're irreplaceable.

Brad: Oh, you know what? Maybe they're wedged behind the tree.

Abby: I don't see them anywhere.

Ashley: Well, let's look. Gloria, would you help us look, please?

Gloria: No, they're not here.

Ashley: What do you mean they're not here? How do you know?

Gloria: I mean, all the boxes, they're right here, and you can see there aren't any more.

Ashley: Yeah, I know. That's what's upsetting me.

Gloria: Look, you know what? I almost forgot. I promised to pick up a prescription for your dad. Does anyone need anything from the drug store?

Ashley: No.

Gloria: No, nothing. Okay, well, I will be right back in just a jiff, okay? Bye, honey.

Abby: Daddy?

Brad: I'll be right back, honey. One second. You'll never get used to that woman being in the family, will you?

Ashley: That's putting it politely. Nothing. Maybe somebody accidentally put them in the dining room. Keep looking.

Brad: Oh, honey, look at this one. Come here. Sit down here. This is great. It's cute, huh? It's a rocking horse.

Abby: Yeah.

Brad: A teddy bear. Let's see.

Abby: Maybe we can put it on.

Brad: We will, but you gotta pull on that.

Ashley: They're not in there.

Brad: I'm sure it'll turn up, Ash. Oh, look how pretty that is.

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Woman: There you go.

Jack: Thank you. And happy holidays.

Lauren: Oh, it is you.

Jack: Well, hello there, beautiful. Merry Christmas.

Lauren: Merry Christmas to you, too. I thought, "If that isn't Jack Abbott, that's got to be the most handsome stranger I've ever seen."

Jack: Oh, my gosh. Your patter's almost as good as mine.

Lauren: Well, I kind of have to hone my skills these days 'cause I may be back on the market.

Jack: Ooh, sounds like man trouble.

Lauren: Uh, yeah. I've been seeing Michael.

Jack: Baldwin? My condolences.

Lauren: And normally I would smack you for that.

Jack: So what has the shyster done to put a frown on your face?

Lauren: He's a scrooge. He doesn't like the holidays. Can you believe that?

Jack: Really?

Lauren: Yeah. I mean, we had this big blowup this morning about it, and I don't know, this is my favorite time of year. I don't like his attitude.

Jack: Funny you should say that.

Lauren: Oh?

Jack: Yeah, my dad's new wife Gloria is dealing with the same situation with one of her sons.

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Jack: Quite a coincidence, don't you think?

Lauren: No, no. I think there are lots of people that can take or leave the holidays.

Jack: Well, it's bugging my dad that Gloriaís kids will not make it out tomorrow. Anyway, I'm on my way there to try to hunt them down.

Lauren: You are?

Jack: Yeah, I got the address off of a note the younger one wrote his mother. Think his name's Steven. Anyway, it's the older one that's the scrooge. Thinking maybe I can get them to come out to the house for a little while. You know, have some eggnog with the Abbotts. Anyway, I bought a couple of ornaments to offer as a peace offering.

Lauren: Well, that's very thoughtful.

Jack: Yeah, well, anyway, merry Christmas.

Lauren: To you as well.

Jack: And if Baldwin continues to give you grief, tell him to stick some holly where the sun don't shine.

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(Cell phone rings) (Ring) (Ring)

Kevin: Yo, Michael, it's Lauren. (Ring)

Michael: Oh, oh, give it. (Ring)

Michael: Lauren?

Lauren: Michael--

Michael: It's so good to hear your voice. Look, about this morning, I am so--

Lauren: No, listen. We have a situation. I'm at the boutique, and Jack Abbott just left.

Michael: Jack Abbott? Chitchatting about what? What are you telling me? He's on his way over now? You're sure.

Kevin: What is it?

Michael: Quiet! I'm sorry. No, no, no, I'm sorry, Lauren. I was talking to Kevin. Look, thanks for the heads-up. I'll call you later. You idiot. How could you be so stupid?

Kevin: What did I do?

Michael: All right, uh... I've got to cover my name on the mailbox. Look, if the doorbell rings, for God sakes, don't answer it. Idiot! I can't believe you could be so moronic.

Kevin: What did I-- what did I-- what...

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Nikki: Well, you're not the only one in the Christmas spirit. I bought a little gift for Bobby to give Brittany. He refused to accept it.

Victor: Well, they're two very strong and very determined people, and that attitude bodes well for them. They'll be on their feet soon.

Nikki: Oh, it's not just about the gift. He won't let me help him with anything.

Victor: Sweetheart, you've got to stop worrying about Bobby Marsino.

Nikki: His life would have been completely different if I hadnít...

Victor: But don't you understand the guilt that you carry with you because of his brother's early death is totally inappropriate now?

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Michael: Okay, let's just hope he doesn't talk to the doorman and start asking a lot of questions like, if there's a guy named Fisher up here and stuff like that.

Kevin: Yeah, well, there is.

Michael: Look, it's probably too late for us to get out of here, so if Jack actually comes knocking, we're gonna have to just pretend that we're not here, okay?

Kevin: Be my guest.

Michael: No, we, Kevin, the both of us.

Kevin: This is so dumb, Michael. The Abbotts are gonna find out who we are eventually. Why not today? They'll get over it.

Michael: What, do I have to tie you up and gag you? No.

Kevin: If Jack knocks on the door, I say we open it up, offer the guy a beer, you know, be nice to him.

Michael: Kevin, understand, Jack Abbott is never gonna be nice to you ever.

Kevin: Says you. (Doorbell rings)

Michael: All right, not one word, do you understand me?

Kevin: Can you speak up? I can barely hear you.

Jack: Hello? Hello? I can hear your voices. I know you're in there.

Jack: Hello? Please open up. I'm not gonna leave until you talk to me.

Michael: Who is it?

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Jack: I'm Jack abbott.

Michael: I don't know any Jack Abbott. Go away.

Jack: I know you, though. You're Ben Fisher and your mother Gloria is married to my father. That makes us stepbrothers.

Michael: So what?

Jack: So what? So it's Christmas. I know that isn't exactly your thing, but I was hoping I could talk you guys into coming over tomorrow to spend part of the holidays with the Abbotts.

Jack: Come on. I'm getting tired of talking through the door.

Michael: Then take a hint.

Jack: You don't wanna see your mother on Christmas day?

Michael: I already saw her, so go on. I'm busy.

Gloria: Jack, what are you doing here?

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Neil: You think maybe we should have gone shopping with them, guided Devon a little?

Dru: No, no, he needs to exercise his independence. He needs to learn how to manage that money. Why else did we give him the $200? He needs to learn how to be responsible.

Neil: I'm gonna call Lily's cell.

Dru: Honey, don't do that. Don't do that.

Neil: No, no, no, just to check in. I wanna see how things are going.

Dru: No, sweetie. They'll think you're policing them. Donít.

Neil: Yeah, well, I...

Dru: Please?

Neil: All right, you're right. I'm sure that Devon can figure things out for himself.

Dru: Yeah. Worst-case scenario, we'll be opening up some pretty funky presents. The main thing is that he understands what this holiday season is all about, honey. You know, those feelings we get right here...

Neil: Mm-hmm.

Dru: Not about the gifts that we give or get.

Neil: Well, being around you, how could he not realize that? Happy holidays, baby.

Dru: Yeah.

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Lily: So who was that guy you were talking to?

Devon: Oh, that was just somebody I knew from the group home.

Lily: Really? You should have introduced me.

Devon: Well, I don't think you two would have had that much in common, Lily.

Lily: And why is that, because I'm a spoiled little rich girl?

Devon: It's not that. It's when you live in a group home, Lily, Christmastime isn't exactly the best time of year, okay? Everybody else is having a great time with their families, and there you are in there with nobody. And then you gotta slap a smile on your face when some do-gooders drop by with a bunch of junk that some store donated because nobody else wanted to buy it.

Lily: Look, Devon, I am really sorry that you had to go through that.

Devon: Well, everything's different now, all right? I'm with you guys.

Lily: Yes, this is true. So is your friend living with a foster family, too?

Devon: You know what, Lily? I gotta go.

Lily: Where?

Devon: I just got some stuff I gotta do, all right? I'll see you later.

Lily: Oh, okay.

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Gloria: Why are you here at my son's place?

Jack: Well, I was hoping to talk them into spending part of Christmas with the family.

Gloria: Oh.

Jack: Maybe if we go in there together...

Gloria: Oh, no, no, no, no. Trust me, you do not wanna do that.

Jack: Oh, you know, you're probably right. They won't even open the door. I had no idea things were this bad.

Gloria: Well, it's not something that I'm proud of.

Jack: Yeah, I can see why.

Gloria: Well, thank you for trying, Jack. That's very sweet of you. I'm just here to thank Steven for the card that he sent. So we'll see you back at the house?

Jack: You gonna be okay?

Gloria: Oh, just fine. Ben's bark is a lot worse than his bite.

Jack: Well, I just wish I could have come through for you.

Gloria: Oh, no biggie. Bye.

Michael: Get--get...

Gloria: It's all right. The coast is clear. He's gone.

Michael: Oh! I don't know which of you I wanna kill first.

Gloria: Well, I know who I'd start with.

Kevin: Mom!

Gloria: What in the world were you thinking sending that card to me at the house?

Michael: He wasn't thinking, that's the problem.

Kevin: I can't even send my own mother a lousy Christmas card without getting yelled at? How bad does that suck?

Gloria: Look, you two, I don't have time for this. I've gotta take some of these ornaments back. Ashley's having a fit.

Kevin: You took those from the Abbotts?

Michael: What? Yeah, take them all back. I'm sick of looking at them.

Gloria: Kevin, get me the box these came in. Now!

Kevin: Okay.

Michael: You just keep getting in deeper and deeper, don't you?

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