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Passions Transcript Monday 7/30/07
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Proofread By Jodi
Norma and Edna: Whew!
Edna: Oh, oh, my goodness. [Laughter] Oh, you little, little doll. Boy, you just saved our bacon, huh?
Norma: Break open the champagne, Hagitha. Your daughter's abso-bloomin-lutely amazing!
Edna: Why, if she can beat the demons of the dark side, she can do anything. Sweetums, you know that I have always loved you. So, do me a teensy little favor here, and make me look like Paris Hilton before she went into the slammer. Give me a couple of billions. And a mansion. Oh! And a subscription to DirecTV!
Norma: Woo! DirecTV! And hi-def television in every room, yes!
Tabitha: I'm well aware that DirecTV is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but please don't try to force my daughter to use her powers for your own personal gain.
Edna: Oh, I'm sorry. My bad. I just got carried away.
Norma: We're simply so blown away by what we just saw.
Edna: Yes, this little darling just went head to head with the master cylinder demon and won!
Norma: You must be the most powerful witch that ever lived.
Edna: [Gasps] Yes.
Tabitha: Yes. And with great power comes great responsibility. Oh, my darling demon, I wonder what life holds in store for you.
Julian: Eve, wait.
Eve: No, Julian, no. I am going to go to the prison and I am going to tell the truth. I'm gonna tell them that Luis did not kill Rae or that bartender but that our son, Vincent, did.
Julian: You will stop this!
Eve: No, Julian! Our son is responsible, and I'm not gonna let Luis die for crimes he didn't commit.
Julian: I refuse to let you tell the truth to anyone about Vincent.
Sheridan: Where did you go?
Ethan: To do the paperwork. It's all done.
Paloma: Now there's nothing standing in the way of Luis and lethal injection.
Pilar: It's ok, mija. You just have to put on a happy face for your brother, ok?
Theresa: What are you doing here, Vincent?
Vincent: Freedom of the press, Theresa. "Daily Private Lives" always covers executions.
Theresa: You're a bastard.
Ethan: Forget about him.
Pilar: Let's just all concentrate on Luis. We need to make his last few hours happy ones.
Ethan: Let's go back to his cell.
Sheridan: Ok, you had better not be pulling my chain.
Vincent: Pretty will show up, I swear.
Sheridan: But if she doesn't...
Whitney: Vincent? You disgusting little freak.
Chad: You set us up!
Vincent: Get off of me.
Chad: The hell I will. I'm gonna kill you with my bare hands.
Luis: So... what happened? What happened between you and Pretty? I don't mean to pry here, but I am running out of time. I don't want there to be any secrets between us before we get married.
Fancy: Right after the ceremony, they'll take you to the --
Luis: To the death chamber. Come on, let's not spare any feelings here. I just want to know the truth.
Father Lonigan: The truth will set you free, Fancy.
Fancy: Yeah, but it won't do much for Luis.
Pilar: Father? We're here. My daughters, Ethan, and Noah.
Noah: What's going on now?
Pilar: I don't want to give away your secret, but are you still planning to marry Luis?
Flight attendant: We'll be landing in Harmony very soon. They radioed the captain to warn you the paparazzi are at the airport, so someone on this flight must have leaked your presence to them. If you'd like to take precautions?
Eve: Oh, Julian, you are such a monster. How can you just let Luis die? His blood would be on your hands.
Julian: I'm finally doing what any father would for his child. I am protecting our son.
Eve: What, our son the murderer? The blackmailer? The rapist?
Julian: Well, whatever he is, he is still our son, we are his parents, it is our duty to keep him safe. I am not calling Sam Bennett and implicating our son in those horrendous murders.
Eve: You are not trying to protect Vincent because he's our son. You are trying to protect Crane Industries and the Crane name. Yes. The only motive that you have for being quiet is to keep Crane Industries from being dragged through the mud. You don't give a damn about Vincent.
Chad: You weasel, you set me up. You knew all along that you were my nephew and Whitney's half-brother, didn't you?
Sheridan: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, what do you mean "nephew"?
Chad: He's yours, too, sis. Julian is Vincent's father.
Whitney: We share the same mother.
Sheridan: What? You're Eve and Julian's long-lost son?
Vincent: Guilty as charged.
Chad: Oh, he's guilty of a lot more than that. Whatever he's told you, don't believe him. He's a lying bastard.
Vincent: [Laughs] Literally. [Laughs]
Sheridan: [Groans] Were you telling me the truth?
Sheridan: Are you? Answer me! Are you telling me the truth about the person who is supposed to be coming to Harmony? Answer me!
Fancy: Everyone, listen up. Luis and I have decided to get married.
Theresa: You're gonna get married now?
Fancy: Yeah, it's now or never.
Pilar: Fancy --
Fancy: I, uh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Luis: Well? Isn't anybody gonna congratulate us?
Paloma: Yeah, sure -- sure! A wedding, how wonderful!
Ethan: Congratulations. That's great.
Luis: Thank you. Yeah. I'm excited.
Theresa: Congratulations. I mean, that's, you know, really amazing of you to bring so much joy to such --
Fancy: I know -- a terrible day.
Luis: Hey, you guys, come on -- everyone, can we have a good time here? Smiles, please? Can we just enjoy this moment, for me? Ok?
Fancy: I wish we had some champagne.
Paloma: Noah, this is so sad.
Noah: Shh, shh, shh, just keep smiling, ok?
Luis: So, I'm running out of time here. Wonder if you're gonna tell me what happened with you and Pretty before we get married.
Fancy: Oh. Um --
Driver: Miss, you're sure about our destination? Ok. Whatever you say. I'll get you out there before you know it.
Vincent: Welcome back to Harmony. You've been missed. But you can make up for lost time by attending a most unusual wedding. I'm sure you'll have a marvelous time. [Laughs]
Edna: Look, Tabby. We will do anything to stay out of that black hole basement. You have no idea what it's been like.
Tabitha: Oh, I know exactly what it's like down there. Who do you think suggested the fiery coals on the floor? Or the razor blades in the pillows on the bunk beds? Or the sulfuric acid in the bathtub, who?
Norma: Oh, Martha Stewart you're not. We're gonna have a blast, doll face. Auntie Norma and Auntie Edna, right here with you forever and ever.
Edna: Or else.
Tabitha: All right, all right. If you two addlepated birdbrains are going to be temporary house guests here, then you're going to have to earn your keep. That means cooking, cleaning, yard work, burying the bodies of any salesmen who happen to come to the door.
Norma: Oh, oh! Me, me -- oh, I'm good at that.
Edna: Oh, could you just hold it, Normie? Hold it. Why should we be lifting a finger around here when either you or little Endora here just have to twitch your nose and it all gets done with a little magic, huh?
Tabitha: Because I am raising my daughter to stand on her own two feet like anyone else. Hard work builds character.
Edna: Tabby, honey, Tabby, look. We'll do anything to make amends. You know, look -- we'll baby-sit. If you want us to clean, we'll clean. Want us to cook, we'll cook. We'll do whatever, it's just we are not going back down into that basement ever again!
Tabitha: Fun? Cobras are fun. These two are dangerous.
Tabitha: Oh, what do you want?
Tabitha: [Sighs] Oh -- oh, no. Now I see it all.
Norma: What is it?
Tabitha: Well, for months I have been trying to figure out who is behind all this evil in Harmony, but for some reason my bowl seemed to have some sort of a mental block. Now I can see -- it's all becoming quite clear.
Edna: Well, maybe the boys in the basement have been suspicious of you. You know, they're demons of the dark side. Well, honey, we heard the gossip. And they are thinking about reclassifying you as a good witch.
Tabitha: Oh, pssh, that's all a lot of poppycock.
Norma: Well, maybe -- maybe they kept you in the dark because they were afraid you'd put the kibosh on all the delicious evil.
Tabitha: You think?
Edna: Sounds good to me. And now that Endora, you know, has really beaten the dark side, boy, maybe the censor took off the filter.
Eve: Julian? Is that you? Who are you? Who are you, what are you doing? Stop it! No, please, somebody! Help -- he's taking my baby! No! My baby! My baby!
Vincent: Hello, Daddy.
Vincent: What do you think?
Tabitha: Oh, my goodness.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora. I think we are going to see quite a few changes because of your little victory.
Esmerelda: More changes than you think, Tabitha. So many changes. Changes for the good.
Fancy: Luis, trust me, there is nothing that much to tell about Pretty. I don't want to focus on that tonight. I want to focus on you, on us.
Luis: If you're sure.
Fancy: I am.
Fancy: But don't tell me. Aunt Sheridan's the one who put you up to this, am I right?
Luis: Well, you know --
Fancy: Oh, she is impossible. I can't believe she's still trying to break us up, even now. She must really be losing it, all that talk about being with you in heaven? Can't we just forget about her? We can concentrate on our love? We can try to be happy? Even if it's just for a little while.
Luis: That's fine. In fact, I've already forgotten about her. And Pretty. I love you, ok?
Fancy: I love you, too. I want to spend the rest of my li -- sorry.
Luis: No, it's ok.
Luis: All right, everybody. You ready? Let's do this. We've got a wedding to go to.
Fancy's voice: Thank God I'll never have to tell Luis about Pretty.
Vincent: I can't wait to see the look on Fancy's face when you show up. Talk about priceless. [Laughs]
Sheridan: Tell me -- were you lying to me?
Vincent: Of course not, Aunt Sheridan. Of course not -- relax!
Chad: I don't know what he told you, Sheridan, but don't trust him. He's a born liar.
Whitney: You are sick, Vincent. I mean, you seduced Chad on purpose.
Vincent: You got it, sis. Everything I did was on purpose.
Chad: You bastard!
Vincent: Watch, Whitney! You know, this is our usual warm-up to making sweet, sweet love.
Chad: You sick little freak. You monster.
Vincent: No one calls me --
Vincent: Argh! [Grunting]
Father Lonigan: What's happening?
Tabitha: Esmerelda, what are you doing here in my house, a house of evil? The boys in the basement aren't going to like this at all.
Esmerelda: The boys in the basement have no stronghold here now, Tabitha, thanks to Endora. You remarkable little angel.
Tabitha: Oh, please don't call her that.
Esmerelda: Oh, poo.
Norma: Who the hell are you? Ooh!
Esmerelda: No cursing in front of the child. Is that clear?
Esmerelda: If I find you lunatics teaching Endora the wrong things, the portal to hell just might open up beneath your feet.
[Edna and Norma gasp]
Esmerelda: Tabitha, are you ready to forsake the dark side and devote yourself to helping Endora be the best good witch she can possibly be?
Eve: Julian, what happened to your humanity?
Julian: People who don't deserve to be Cranes are pulling the rest of us down.
Eve: What does that mean? God, you know what? You're just as racist as your father. Yes, I know. You're talking about Chad and Vincent, the black Cranes. What you're saying is that because they're African-American, they can't be real Cranes. Admit it, Julian. Why don't you throw some racist comments at me, your ex-whore.
Ethan: Stop. Get off him.
Luis: Chad, Chad, come on. You crazy?
Chad: He's crazy.
Vincent: Don't you ever say that about me.
Theresa: What is going on?
Vincent: Chad and Whitney sure have a weird way about welcoming new relatives into the family.
Noah: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Ethan: Yeah, spit it out. What do you mean?
Theresa: Whitney, what is this?
Whitney: Well, surprise, surprise, Vincent is my half-brother. He's my mother and Julian's long-lost son.
Fancy: Wait, so you're my half-brother?
Vincent: I'm more than that. Aren't I, Uncle Chad?
Paloma: So you and Chad, at the motel?
Noah: With your uncle?
Chad: You're nothing, 'cause I'm gonna kill you right now.
Luis: No, Chad, Chad.
Tabitha: Me, Tabitha Lenox, forsake the dark side? All that sweetness and sugar must have turned your brains to mush.
Esmerelda: Could you play with Endora while Tabitha and I have a little chat? Maybe a nice board game.
Norma: Oh, me too. I used to beat Daddy silly.
Edna: Oh, hey, elder abuse ain't funny.
Norma: Oo, oo, oo, oo! High score goes first.
Tabitha: No one comes into my house and gives me orders.
Esmerelda: This is no time for common courtesy, Tabitha. Endora has chosen her destiny. She defeated the boys in your basement. She could possibly be the strongest good witch of all time.
Tabitha: Esmerelda, Endora is a wee girl. She hasn't chosen her destiny. She doesn't even know what that means. She didn't realize what she was doing when she was fighting the boys in the basement. She thought it was just a game. She was protecting me -- her mother -- and those two bloody idiots over there.
Norma: Hey, use my special die. They'll come up sixes every time. We'll beat the pants off Endora.
Esmerelda: Cheating a four-year-old? That's no way to set an example.
Edna: You're absolutely right, Esmerelda. Norma, how could you?
Esmerelda: Endora's powers are so strong, they're dangerous. So, more than anything, she needs a clear path to the rest of her life. Having a mother who is loyal to the dark side muddies that path. For her sake, you have to forsake all evil.
Eve: Oh, just admit it, Julian. The only reason you even got involved with me was because I was African-American and you just thought that was so exciting. And because you knew that sleeping with me would just be like spitting in Alistair's face. And I noticed that once he was dead, you didn't waste any time getting rid of me.
Julian: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't change the facts to justify your idiotic argument. You left me.
Eve: Well, you didn't try very hard to get me back.
Julian: I wanted to marry you. But you wouldn't listen to me. I mean, after you'd gone, I realized that the only thing I really had left was the family name and Crane Industries.
Eve: Well, and I trust you'll be very happy together.
Julian: Please, don't do that.
Eve: What about Ivy? I mean, every time I see you two, you're together. You know, the blonde woman that's usually under you?
Julian: You know what Ivy and I feel for each other is not love. It's just that, when we get in a bad way, we've realized that we can comfort each other.
Eve: Try a bowl of ice cream next time.
Julian: Eve, I'm trying to tell you what's in my heart.
Eve: I know what's in your heart, Julian. It's a cold place filled with money.
Julian: You know that's not true. I know that you hate me, but try being in my shoes just for a moment. I mean, I've lost everything. I've lost my family, my wife, you. Now I find out my son is a serial killer? No wonder I barricade myself in at Crane Industries. It's the only safe place I have left.
Eve: You can just stay there and count your money.
Julian: I'd give it all up for you.
Eve: Oh, stop it.
Julian: I mean that, Eve. I'd trade all that money and power for your love.
Eve: Oh, Julian.
Julian: It's true. You know, I wouldn't care if I was just dead broke, digging ditches. I mean, if I knew, at the end of the day when I came home, that you'd be standing on the front porch waiting for me... I love you with all my heart. I always have and I always will.
Whitney: Chad. Chad, stop it. If you kill him, you're going to go to prison and be convicted of murder. Please, just think about our children.
Vincent: I can't breathe.
Father Lonigan: Help him, someone. Now! Take me to him.
Theresa: I'm sorry. I know this is horrible.
Chad: He seduced me on purpose. He tricked me. He's the reason I lost my family.
Whitney: No, no he isn't. If you wouldn't have had sex with him, none of this would've happened, Chad.
Vincent: Too bad you didn't kill me, Chad. Then you'd be in prison for the rest of your life. Or worse -- executed like Luis. Then I'd have my revenge.
Chad: Revenge. What the hell did I do to you?
Whitney: You keep your sick, little mouth shut or I'll kill you myself.
Pilar: Whitney, calm down, mija.
Chad: Whitney, just --
Whitney: No, Chad, don't touch me, all right? Don't ever touch me again.
Sheridan: Ok, you had better tell me what is going on.
Vincent: Not to worry, Sher-Sher. Pretty is still on her way. Hang on. What did I tell you? Pretty's here.
Sheridan: Luis will never marry Fancy once he knows Pretty's story. Oh, my God. Could this day get any better?
Vincent: Aren't you forgetting something?
Sheridan: What? Oh, my God. Poor Luis.
Vincent: Yeah, poor Luis.
Julian: You know, when we're young, we make mistakes and we regret them for a lifetime. My biggest mistake was allowing my father to convince me to let you go, because without you to help me grow, I became this twisted, malevolent caricature of a man. And then, when you let me back into your life, well, for the first time in many years, I felt human. And we were back together for a very short period, you know, a few months, but in those months I grew, and it's very hard to put into words, but it's as if you searched the arid plains of my soul and you found joy buried there. I mean, it was -- it was half buried and half dead, but you found it and you freed it. You made it bloom. You made me feel like a whole man. And then you left me, and I know that you hate me, but you must believe that I love you. I love you so and I will always love you. I will go to my grave with your name on my lips.
Tabitha: Let me get this straight, miss goody two-shoes. I am going to raise my child without interference from the dark side or the good side or any other side for that matter. Endora is my daughter, and I know what is best for her. So please leave. No, scratch that. Scratch the "please." Leave.
Esmeralda: I'll go, but be warned. The magical universe has its eye on Endora.
Tabitha: But she's just a wee child. She's only just mastered toilet training. Go.
Esmeralda: Goodbye, Endora. I'll be seeing you soon.
Tabitha: Don't call us, we'll call you.
Esmeralda: An exit line if I ever heard one.
Norma: Damn, I wish I could do that.
Tabitha: Well, you can't.
Chad: Whitney, look. I'm gonna beat the truth out of Vincent and then you're gonna believe me that it's his fault.
Whitney: Ok, Chad, you just don't get it. You can't blame Vincent for what you did, all right? And there's nothing you can do to make me trust you again.
Ethan: Guys, I know you want to solve your problems, but I don't think this is the time or place.
Fancy: Yeah, I'll second that.
Whitney: Oh, God. I'm sorry. I really am. I mean, I came here to be supportive, but then we saw Vincent's name on the sign-in and we just -- Luis, can you forgive me? I'm so sorry.
Luis: Yeah, don't worry about it. Anyway, you missed the big announcement.
Whitney: You've been pardoned?
Luis: I wish, but Fancy and I are getting married.
Whitney: You're getting married now?
Chad: Wow, that's great.
Fancy: Yes, it is great.
Whitney: Well, congratulations. I mean, he couldn't have found a better wife.
Fancy: [Whispers] Thank you.
Noah: Uh, Luis? You know how you gave me your blessing to marry Paloma?
Noah: How -- how about we get married tonight, too?
Luis: Actually, I'd really like that. What do you think, Fance?
Fancy: Yeah, Luis, you'd get to see your sister married.
Fancy: Of course, yes.
Noah: Paloma -- uh, Paloma Lopez-Fitzgerald... I don't mean to rush you, um, well, actually I do mean to rush you, but will you marry me? Like now, like tonight? I mean, if we're gonna do it, I can't think of a better time. Can you?
Paloma: Noah, that's so wonderful. But we shouldn't butt in on Luis and Fancy's big time.
Noah: No, I asked them and they said yes. They said it would be -- it would be wonderful. And, coincidentally, I keep this ring -- my grandmother's ring -- with me, waiting for the day that you'll say yes. I'm hoping that today is that day. So, what do you say?
Paloma: Yes! Yes, Noah!
Ethan: Sorry to interrupt, but I know a guy at the courthouse who can have a marriage license faxed to us right away.
Noah: Thank you, Ethan. Thank you. Father, is that ok? I mean, can we get married tonight, too?
Father Lonigan: Of course.
Noah: Wonderful. Then it's a double wedding.
Officer: Mrs. Casey?
Theresa: Right here.
Officer: Your office sent these over. They said they were urgent.
Theresa: Thank you.
Theresa: Oh, my God. How --
Ethan: What is it?
Theresa: Ethan, um, these are my divorce papers from Jared. He must have called in favors to have them processed so quickly. I'm divorced.
Ethan: Um, I have a crazy idea. How about a triple wedding? How about a triple wedding?
Ethan: I mean, it's just one more marriage license that I have to get faxed over, but it's not a problem.
Theresa: That's great, ok.
Ethan: Yeah? Yeah? Yeah? I need you to come with me. We need to get some information from you, ok? I love you.
Theresa: I love you.
Father Lonigan: Theresa.
Father Lonigan: I'm sorry, my child, but I cannot marry you and Ethan. And you know why. Tell me to my face.
Julian: Nice. You mean --
Eve: Oh, now, Julian. Haven't you done enough talking for one day?
Tabitha: What's going on here? Oh, Luis is going to be executed. And married? He -- he's getting married to that flibberty-gibbet, Fancy Crane. Absolutely not. Endora, this wedding is in a prison. I don't want you to see what goes on in a prison. At least not till you're six.
Norma: Usually there's good grub at a wedding.
Edna: You know, maybe you should let her see her sister get married.
Tabitha: Don't tell me what to do with my daughter.
Tabitha: Oh, what am I going to do? All right, we'll go.
Tabitha: But we're going to leave before Luis dies. I don't want her to see an execution.
Norma: But that's the best part.
Edna: You know, maybe we could all stay home. Order in Chinese. Well, on the other hand, maybe the wedding is just the ticket to cheer us up, huh?
Paloma: We're getting married. Can you believe it?
Fancy: I know. Isn't it amazing?
Paloma: Oh, please. Don't you start. You're worse than Mama.
Luis: I got good reason, don't you think?
Paloma: Oh, I know, Luis. But think, though. I was so afraid my brother wouldn't be around for my wedding.
Luis: Yet here I am.
Pilar: Oh, my goodness. My children together. That's what I like to see.
Luis: I'll give Antonio a hug for you when I see him.
Paloma: Luis, why did you say that? Come on, Mama. Let's see if we can find some flowers.
Luis: I'm sorry, I --
Fancy: Hey. Hey. I am about to become Mrs. Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald.
Luis: Yeah. You sure you want to do this? Being the widow of a convicted killer. That's not too much of a burden for you?
Fancy: Don't you get it, Luis? Even if it's only for a few hours, to be your wife is worth more than anything in the world.
Sheridan: Where the hell is Pretty? She should've gotten in by now. She's gotta stop this wedding.
Officer: I'm sorry, Ms. Crane. We can't allow you to enter the prison.
Sheridan: Oh, my God. They're not letting her in.
Vincent: I don't get it.
Sheridan: Well, do something. Luis can't marry Fancy!
Theresa: Father, please. You have to let me marry Ethan.
Father Lonigan: Theresa, I told you. You cannot be absolved of your sins, your lies, until you tell Ethan the truth, that he is Little Ethan's father. Until you do, I cannot marry you and Ethan. I simply cannot.
Ethan: What? I'm sorry -- what Father Lonigan just said. Is that true?
Theresa: Ethan --
Whitney: Theresa, honey, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.
Ethan: Theresa, tell me. Is this true?
On the Next Passions:
Ethan: Theresa, please just tell me the truth.
Sheridan: Pretty will be here soon, and it will all be over between Luis and Fancy.
Pretty: If you marry Luis, I will tell him everything.
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