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Passions Transcript Monday 7/23/07
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Proofread By Jodi
Tabitha: It's not up to us, sweet pea. There are far greater powers in this universe than you and me. And if we defy them, the punishments can get quite extreme.
Edna: Don't we know it.
Norma: Oh, the demons are going to blame us because Miguel isn't dead.
Edna: What do you think they're going to do to us?
Norma: Oh, Edna, I'm scared.
Edna: Oh, it'll be all right, Normie.
Norma: You think?
Edna: Oh, you know, how bad can it be? At least we have each other.
Miguel: Mm, baby, the car's fixed.
Kay: You think now is a good time to talk about the car repairs?
Miguel: Look, that's the point. Now you got a choice. We can take a ride in the love mobile --
Miguel: Or we can go upstairs, and, you know.
Kay: Miguel Lopez-Fitzgerald! Oh, my God. Your mother would die if she heard you say that.
Eve: And why shouldn't I call the police to throw you out?
Vincent: Pay attention now, so you get it.
Eve: Get what?
Vincent: I already told you how I hurt Simone. Don't you want to know how I hurt Whitney?
Eve: Told me?
Eve: Oh, my God. You're my son. Oh, my God, you're my son!
Vincent: She got it! Yes, Mommy dearest. Your little sonny boy's come home at last.
Eve: But you're also that vile blackmailer.
Vincent: Whoa, vile. Now, now, now. Who are you to call me names?
Eve: You're my son. And you're gay?
Vincent: Don't be so provincial, sweetie. I swing both ways.
Rebecca: So tell me again how we're going to do this.
Gwen: [Whispers] I told you --
Theresa: Um, do you guys know where Jared is?
Gwen: Yeah, I think he went upstairs.
Theresa: Thank you. Um, Gwen? Thank you again for not telling Ethan everything that you know.
Gwen: You're welcome.
Rebecca: You owe her, you tramp.
Gwen: Mother, you know, I really just think we need to put our past history together behind us.
Theresa: I really do hope you find happiness.
Gwen: Thank you. I'm working on it.
Rebecca: How can you stand this?
Gwen: Patience, patience. The end is coming for Theresa.
Rebecca: Yeah, well, it's not coming soon enough. I cannot wait to see the look on her face when you drop the bomb that Ethan is Little Ethan's father. Oh, he's going to hate her. He's never going to want to talk to her. That is, if he doesn't kill her first.
Gwen: Yes, well, let's hope if he kills her, he tortures her for a good, long while first. The pain, the pain and the carnage of it all is going to be absolutely delicious.
Norma: Oh, Edna, what's going to happen to us? We're going to be punished for failing to kill Miguel.
Edna: Hey, maybe the demons don't know about it yet. Maybe they do!
Demon voice: Norma, Edna. You misfits. You have failed me.
Norma: No, it's the big guy!
Edna: Which one?
Demon voice: Return, return to your eternal home and eternal damnation. Return for your punishment. [Laughs] I have dreamed up something most amusing.
Edna: Amusing? That doesn't sound so good.
Norma: Do something! Save us.
Edna: Yes! Yes, see, it was your daughter, you, that ruined the demons' plan in the first place. Now, why do we have to keep paying for your crimes?
Tabitha: I beg your pardon?
Norma: Oh, Tabitha, please, sweetie, pal, you know how much I've always loved you.
Tabitha: Oh, yes indeedy. You've almost loved me to pieces a few times. No, I can't help you girls. I'm sorry. I'm no match for you-know-who down there.
Demon voice: Come to me! Come to me now!
Norma: I can't go back down there. I can't.
Edna: No way, Josť! Ok. You know, we'd rather not go back down there right now, if you don't mind. I'm a little too old, you know, for the climate down there. And you know what they say. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the demon-filled abyss.
Demon voice: Enough of your babble! Come to me. Or I will come to you.
Tabitha: I think it's time for us to say andiamo, Endora. Let's go blow some bubbles in the kitchen, hmm? Say bye-bye to Edna and Norma. I don't think we'll be seeing them again.
Norma: Don't leave us to a fate worse than death!
Tabitha: Try not to get blood on the carpet, girls. Let's go.
Demon voice: I'm waiting!
Norma: What are we gonna do?
Edna: We're gonna make a break for it.
Norma: Edna, I'm scared. Oh!
Edna: Don't fail me now. We gotta think of something.
Vincent: What's the troub, Mommy? Aren't you proud of me? Hmm? Check it out, pretty hot, huh?
Eve: Oh, God.
Vincent: Yeah, I don't know why you're so upset. You know, I'm just a chip off the old block. Yours and Dad's.
Eve: Oh, I am so sorry.
Vincent: Yeah, I just bet you are.
Eve: Oh, but I am. When your grandfather had you kidnapped from the hospital, I had no idea what happened to you. And neither did Julian, for years and years. And if I had known --
Vincent: You -- you would have what? You would have run to my rescue?
Vincent: You're a liar. You let me be kidnapped. You never wanted me.
Eve: Oh no, no, I loved you. I love you. You saw those baby booties that I knitted for you.
Vincent: Yeah, big talk.
Eve: No, it's not big talk. Julian and I looked for you, all the time, over and over again, and it just killed me when I couldn't find you.
Vincent: You know what, spare me the mea culpas. The bottom line is that while I was being passed from foster home to foster home, you didn't find me. And you sure as hell didn't waste a lot of time fretting over your long-lost son either. You still loved Whitney and Simone with all your heart.
Eve: Of course I did.
Vincent: And you made sure that you watched after them every step of the way. You encouraged them, supported them, you even picked them up when they stumbled.
Eve: Yes, but that's what parents do.
Vincent: Yes, assuming your parents don't throw you into a garbage can. You gave them every advantage in life. But me? You forgot I ever existed.
Eve: God, you know that's not true.
Vincent: Yeah, right. You know what, Whitney and Simone got everything. I got nothing. So, they have to pay. And pay and pay and pay and pay.
Eve: Oh, my God. Oh -- oh, I see. You killed Rae so you could punish Simone. And you seduced Chad so you could punish Whitney.
Theresa: Jared, what are you doing?
Jared: Packing to leave. I can't stay here. I gotta go to a hotel.
Theresa: Look, I never meant for any of this to happen.
Jared: But it did.
Theresa: But I had good intentions. You know, I mean -- I did love you.
Jared: Oh, stop saying that. You didn't.
Theresa: No, I did. I swear to you, I did.
Jared: All right, maybe. Maybe you did at the beginning. But you never loved me like you love Ethan. Right? Well, there's my answer, right there. Story of my life, always the other guy. Well, at least now I know why you married me. You only married me to protect your secret.
Jared: Yeah, Tess. I know. I know that Ethan is really Little Ethan's biological father. I know that you would die to protect that secret. Or worse -- marry me.
Theresa: How did you find out?
Jared: Well, first I heard you and Gwen talking about it. Then I heard Gwen and Rebecca. Look, this is a pretty big secret you're holding on to here. A lot of people in the world that would be interested in knowing that Little Ethan isn't really a Crane.
Theresa: Oh, God.
Jared: No, no, no, no. Look, I'm not going to say anything. Your secret's safe with me. I'd never do anything to hurt you, Tess.
Theresa: Thank you. Very grateful -- I really don't know what to say.
Jared: Honestly? It makes me feel like there's been a big weight lifted off my shoulders here.
Theresa: I guess we're getting a divorce?
Jared: No, no, no. Because I know why you married me. It was to protect your secret.
Theresa: It sounds awful, doesn't it?
Jared: It is awful.
Theresa: Jared, it's just that Ivy -- she kept the secret that Sam Bennett was really Ethan's father for years and years, and when Ethan found out, he was devastated. I'm just afraid that if Ethan finds out the truth, that Little Ethan is our son -- he's never going to forgive me for lying to him. And then, the blackmailer --
Jared: The blackmailer found out, and he's been holding it over your head.
Theresa: He told me to marry you, Jared. And so -- I guess you hate me, then?
Jared: I could never hate you.
Gwen: So, we're all getting divorced. We can all move on with our lives, right?
Ethan: That's right. That's what we're doing, I guess. But I -- I hope you know that I just want the best for you. I really hope you know that.
Gwen: I do. I know that.
Ethan: Good. I'll have you know that -- I didn't tell you this, but I overheard you referring to a "he" during one of our phone conversations. I assume that means you might have a new man in your life?
Rebecca: Yeah, well, don't bother asking, because she won't tell you.
Gwen: I'll tell him.
Gwen: I do. I do have a new man.
Miguel: Oh, my God. After everything we've been through, we're finally together.
Kay: I love you so much. I just feel so bad about Fox.
Miguel: Look, listen, don't ever, ever, say his name again, ok?
Kay: Ok. Mm -- slow down. We're not in high school anymore.
Miguel: I love you so much.
Demon voice: I'm waiting, ladies.
Edna: Oh, oh, ok. We're -- we're -- we're coming. We're coming. We're just admiring the decor in here. [Whispers] The front door is open. When you get close to it, make a run for it.
Norma: I'm way ahead of you.
[Door shuts and locks]
Edna: Ok, ok, there's no reason to panic.
Norma: Demons from hell wanting to roast us alive for all eternity is the perfect time to panic.
Edna: You made a point. Ok. This way.
Norma: I think that's the wrong way.
Demon voice: There is no right way. There's no escape.
Edna: Oh, come on. Have mercy on us poor souls, will you? Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok. If you have to roast somebody, burn them to a crisp -- take her.
Norma: Edna, honey lamb! Don't turn on me now.
Edna: Oh, what was I thinking. You are right. I'm your Edna, you're my Normie. And together, we will face the menace, hand in hand, until the last trumpet sounds.
Demon voice: This I've got to see.
Edna: Oh, come on. Would you give us a break? For heaven's sake. Don't you get bored torturing people all the time?
Demon voice: No.
Edna: Oh. Well, sorry I asked.
Norma: You've got to get that temper under control. I know we made a teensy mistake, but we're all mature, evil adults. Can't we be reasonable about this?
Edna: Oh, yeah. You know, maybe, we could work out some nice, evil deal, where we all get what we want.
Demon voice: Like what?
Norma: You want Miguel dead, right?
Demon voice: Right.
Norma: Well, here we are, out in the mortal world, our natural habitat, where we wouldn't stay, well, can't we be civilized about this? And think of something -- Edna, honey, how do you feel about a spot of murder?
Edna: Ah. Well, you know me, um, nothing gets my juices going more than a good murder.
Norma: Then that's our deal. We kill Miguel for you, and you let us go. How's that for a plan?
Demon voice: Kill Miguel, and we'll see.
[Edna and Norma cheering]
Norma: Oh, we're back in business! Come on, Edna, let's kill Miguel.
Edna: Hey, hey -- where is he?
Norma: Oh, I know one way to find out.
Norma: Hey, show us where Miguel is right now, or else!
Edna: Hello? You better do it! 'Cause when she eats her cereal she eats the bowl, too.
Norma: Oh, my goodness, will you look at that.
Edna: Oh, what a waste. That, my friend, is one fine slab of Latino-Irish American beefcake!
Norma: Hm, if you like that sort of thing.
Edna: Hey, hey, hey -- don't worry, don't worry. If it's a choice between him and us, guess what? He's food for crows!
Norma: Now, they're right upstairs and they look busy -- busy. Maybe, we can creep up on them and take him by surprise.
Edna: Oh, ok, ok, that's a good idea, but, uh -- what are we going to use? Oh, oh, oh -- what about this?
Norma: No, no, no.
Edna: Ooh, this is heavy.
Norma: Oh, maybe this will do. It just doesn't feel right.
Demon voice: What are you waiting for?
Edna: We are looking for a murder weapon. The great Winston Churchill once said, "give us the tools, we'll finish the job."
Demon voice: Ahem.
Norma: Oh, oh.
Norma: Oh, I've missed you so! My little friend, my greatest friend.
Norma: Oh, sorry, Edna, but you don't know what the two of us have been through together.
Edna: Oh, I got a pretty good idea. [Scoffs]
Norma: At last, my arm is complete again! [Grunts]
Edna: Enough already. Let's just kill the kid and get out of here.
Norma: Ha, I'm with you, dollface.
Eve: So you killed Simone's lover and seduced Whitney's husband to punish them? For having a life that you didn't get to have and think that you deserved?
Vincent: And to get back at you. Your selfishness destroyed me.
Eve: I wanted you so much! I was ready to be a mother. I would have done anything to get you back after you were taken from me.
Vincent: Yeah, you know what? Keep telling yourself that. Your resume was pretty full back then already. Let's see, uh -- singer, drug addict, alcoholic -- oh, and whore. You never wanted me. The only reason why I'm here is because you were too wasted to remember to use birth control.
Eve: How can I ever convince you that you're wrong?
Vincent: You can't.
Eve: It's true. My life was a mess back then.
Eve: But then I lost something that was so precious to me, more precious than anything else in the world. That was you. It was losing you...
Eve: That made me get my life back on track.
Vincent: Huh. Great, well, uh -- glad to know that I was your own personal "Scared Straight" program. Glad to be of service.
Theresa: I'm sorry, Jared. But I do hope that very soon you forget all about me, and you find a beautiful, loving woman that you just fall madly in love with.
Jared: That's the problem. I already did.
Theresa: I'm not sure if you're going to believe this, but it's going to take me some time to get over you, too.
Jared: Good. You don't know what you're missing.
Jared: Look, you got to be careful. Gwen and Rebecca know about the secret.
Theresa: I know, but she promised not to tell Ethan.
Jared: You believe her? You actually trust her to keep her mouth shut?
Theresa: Up until tonight I would have thought no, but now... yeah, I think I can.
Ethan: I'm glad that there's a new man in your life. All I've ever wanted for you is to be happy.
Rebecca: I'm dying to meet him. So, when do we find out who this new mystery man is?
Gwen: Mother, stop it! I don't want to jinx it, ok?
Rebecca: Ok, fine, fine. I don't want to be the one to jinx your newfound happiness.
Ethan: I don't either, I don't either. You deserve a great guy, you definitely do, but I still want you to be a part of Jane's life, Gwen. Ok, you're like a second mother to her and I really want it to stay that way.
Gwen: Well, thank you. But I don't know where I'm going to be living. It's definitely not going to be Harmony.
Ethan: Ok, but don't go too far away, because I want you to feel free to come by and see her whenever you want. She needs you, all right?
Gwen: Thank you.
Gwen: Look who's here.
Rebecca: Oh. So, where are you going?
Jared: When a couple gets a divorce, usually the guy moves out, so, time for me to get going soon.
Ethan: That's something we agree on.
Ethan: Sorry, sorry.
Gwen: And, uh, we were just leaving.
Rebecca: No, we weren't.
Gwen: Yes, we were.
Ethan: Gwen, wait -- wait. I just want you to know I'm serious about Jane, ok? You can see her whenever you want.
Gwen: Thank you. Good night.
Theresa: Ethan, I --
Ethan: Theresa, I can't keep her away from Jane. It doesn't seem right at all.
Jared: Well, I think Gwen has the right idea. I should be going, too.
Theresa: Thank you again, Jared.
Rebecca: Why are you giving me the bum's rush, huh? The taco queen needs to pay for what she's done!
Gwen: Yes, she does, but don't rush it. All in good time.
Eve: You're so filled with hate and vengeance, and you're so wrong. I wanted you ever since I first knew that I was carrying you.
Vincent: Lies. No, if you wanted me, you would have stopped using drugs, and you would've stopped drinking when you were pregnant with me. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know the medical history. You slut. But you just -- you couldn't stay away, huh? Couldn't stay away from the drugs. No. You know, no wonder grandpappy Alistair didn't want me in the family. I was probably addicted to drugs at birth.
Eve: No, you weren't. Please don't be so cruel.
Vincent: Everything that's happened to me is laid at your doorstep. You did this to me. Like it? I am who I am, and it's all your fault.
Whitney: Why are you still here? Mother, Vincent practically destroyed my life. Why are you even wasting oxygen talking to him?
Edna: That is no kitty. That's a sabertooth tiger.
Norma: I think that's the right door.
Miguel: I love you. I love you so much.
Tabitha: Come on. Ooh, looks like there was quite a struggle when Norma and Edna were pulled back down into hell, huh? Well, that's a small price to pay to get rid of those two loons, I'd say. Come on, blow me some bubbles, Endora. Hey, that's enough of that. This bowl has to stay G-rated when Endora's around, if you don't mind. Oh! Frick and Frack are still at it. Now they're trying to kill Miguel.
Tabitha: Oh, nothing, sweet pea, nothing. Oh, no, no, Endora, you can't do that, no! We -- we have to keep the boys in the basement happy at all costs.
Edna: Are you ready, hot stuff?
Norma: For sweet, sweet murder? Always!
Edna: Ok, on the count -- uno, dos, hit it!
Norma: Die, Miguel, die!
Rebecca: Where did you get such patience? I mean, certainly not from me. I would like to see Theresa squashed like a bug. The sooner, the better.
Gwen: You just need to wait for the right time.
Rebecca: And when is that?
Gwen: Ah, like when Theresa's in her wedding dress, getting ready to walk down the aisle.
Rebecca: Mm, getting ready to say "I do." Just when she thinks she has finally succeeded in stealing her little family of Ethan, Little Ethan, and Jane.
Gwen: And really, can you think of a better time to drop the bomb?
Jared: What did I miss here?
Jared: What's going on, ladies?
Eve: Whitney --
Whitney: Vincent, just -- just get out of here, right now.
Vincent: Your mother doesn't want me to leave. Do you, Dr. Russell?
Eve: I --
Whitney: My mother doesn't want you here any more than I do.
Vincent: Oh, I don't know about that.
Eve: Whitney, honey, um -- I have something I need to tell you.
Whitney: Look, just get out! You crazy, sick bastard. How dare you come to my home? You -- you must come from a completely degenerate gene pool.
Vincent: [Laughs] Now, that's the first true thing I've heard since I got here.
Whitney: Vincent, get out.
Vincent: I don't think your mother wants me to leave. Do you, Dr. Russell?
Eve: Whitney, honey, I have something that I need to tell you.
Eve: No, never mind.
Whitney: All right, that's it, just leave or I'm going to call the police. Ok, fine.
Vincent: You cowardly bitch. You're too ashamed to even let Whitney know that I'm her brother? I embarrass you that much.
Eve: No, you don't understand.
Vincent: No, no, no -- you're a sad excuse for a mother. You're just as pathetic as that drug addict you used to be. You'll pay for this, I promise.
Tabitha: I don't understand. What did you do, Endora?
Norma: Hi-ya! Oh!
Edna: Hey, hey, would you get back in there and kill him?
Norma: You try.
Norma: Hey! That hurt, that hurt! Hey, how would you like it?
Edna: Ow! I wouldn't like it, sweet potato pie!
Edna: 40-love, love muffin!
Norma: Your backhand needs work, dear heart!
Edna: Practice makes perfect, sugar cake! Yes, yes, yes.
Kay: I adore you.
Tabitha: Oh, my. Ha, Endora beat up on you two, but good!
Norma: Oh, hardy har har. You think you're funny, don't you?
Edna: Enough with the bubbles. That baby witch of yours can pack a powerful punch.
Norma: You're the one who packs a punch. You hit me first.
Edna: Well, you hit me back. Well, just leave it to you to resort to crude violence.
Tabitha: Oh, enough, you two! It's obvious that you're no match for Endora, either of you.
Norma: Oh, which is bad news. The boys downstairs want Miguel dead and he's alive and kicking. And the head honcho demon -- oh, he's going to be furious we failed to make mincemeat out of Miguel!
Edna: Ok, just keep your voice down because maybe he forgot about us.
Tabitha: No such luck.
Tabitha: Oh, my. They really mean business this time.
Vincent: Put the phone down. I'm leaving.
Whitney: Get out of here, Vincent, and don't ever come back.
Vincent: Big words, sweetie. So trust me, you haven't seen the last of me. We'll get to know each other real well before this is all over.
Whitney: What is wrong with him?
Eve's voice: How do I get out of this mess? Oh, I can't even think straight.
Whitney: Mom, what was he doing here?
Eve: Your guess is as good as mine.
Eve's voice: Well, what do I do? I can't keep my son's identity a secret forever.
Whitney: Well, I don't want that thing near our home ever again.
Eve's voice: I can't let Luis die for my son's crimes. I have to be honest and tell my family and everyone else about him, but I'm so freaked out I can't even think straight!
Eve: All right.
Theresa: It's amazing, isn't it? Once I divorce Jared, we can finally be together.
Ethan: Mm, there's -- there's one little thing, though, that I wanted to ask you about.
Ethan: I want to know your secret. I want you to be able to tell me this secret, whatever it is.
Theresa: Don't ask me that.
Ethan: Look, I don't want to demand that you tell me. I just really wish you trusted me enough to let me know what it is. I do want you to promise me one thing if you could -- that it's not about us. If it's not about us, then I'll be ok. So, here's your big chance to come clean with me, right now.
Theresa: It's not about us.
Ethan: Good. It's probably about Crane business, then, in which case I don't care, and I love you.
Theresa: I love you.
Ethan: I love you. Hey, our future awaits, huh?
Theresa: Yes, I think we should set a wedding date as soon as possible.
Jared: I trust you two will be very, very careful. You know, karma's a real bitch. You insist on hurting Theresa and Ethan, you never know what or who could come back to haunt you.
Gwen: Wait a second, you know?
Jared: About big Ethan and little Ethan? Yeah, I heard you two gossiping about it earlier.
Gwen: And you didn't say anything to Ethan?
Jared: No, Gwen. I lost Theresa, and you lost Ethan a long time ago. I think it's time you should get over it. I have.
Gwen: Believe me, I have.
Jared: Well, good. Then I'm sure you two will leave the two of them alone. Remember what I said about karma.
Rebecca: Well, as much as I like making threats, I do not like receiving them.
Gwen: Well, I'm not the least bit worried. You know, karma's already done its worst to me -- put Theresa in my life and it took away my husband. So, no, Theresa and Ethan are not getting married, because from now on, it is payback time.
On the Next Passions:
Fancy: Luis is supposed to die tonight, and all you care about is making me miserable!
Eve: Our son is a murderer, Julian.
Ethan: We need a miracle if Luis is going to survive another day.
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