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Passions Transcript Wednesday 6/27/07 -- Canada; Thursday 6/28/07 -- USA
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Proofread By Jodi
Tabitha: Oh, evil is on the loose in Harmony. If I can't control it, my dear Endora may be in danger. [Sighs] Must I really do this? Isn't there some other way?
Tabitha: Oh, nothing, sweet pea. Just eat your breakfast.
Kay: [Sighs] Good morning, sisters.
Kay: My fellow witches!
Tabitha: Oh, dear.
Kay: It's a gorgeous day, isn't it?
Kay: I can't wait to use my newfound magical powers to make my life perfect.
Tabitha: Now, Kay, please. Wait a minute. You have already unleashed horrors beyond your comprehension. And that deal you made with the demon elf will come back to haunt you, all of us. You'll see.
Kay: Tabitha, why are you always such a spoilsport? The demon elf is gone.
Tabitha: I wouldn't count on that.
Kay: Harmony better watch out, because I'm gonna make this place a paradise.
Demon elf: Hmm. This dunderhead really does have more powers than she realizes. All those prayers last night really sucked the power of evil right out of my demons. And that idiot Spike just doesn't have enough true evil to recharge them. Not to worry. I have a plan that will revive my demons this morning. Then there will be hell to pay.
Kay: Ow! Stupid toaster's jammed again. I burned my finger.
Tabitha: Oh, well, why don't you use some of your marvelous magic to just make your breakfast appear?
Kay: Oh. Well, maybe I will just do that. Ok, and after I eat my breakfast, I'm going to go upstairs and heal Fox from his disease. So then I can finally tell him I'm leaving him to be with Miguel.
Tabitha: [Sighs] [Muttering] Never mind, Endora. Let her dig her own grave. [Aloud] So, what's on the breakfast menu, oh, powerful Kay?
Kay: Hmm. Eggs. A couple of nice scrambled eggs.
Tabitha: That sounds good.
Kay: Powers of earth and fire obey me. Make scrambled eggs, make it snappy. [Whistle]
Kay: Now what? What did I do wrong? [Cries]
Tabitha: Oh, Kay. Every word out of your mouth creates a new disaster. [Laughs] Oh, Kay.
Fox: Ow. What the hell happened last night?
Miguel: Ok, Fox, we need to talk.
Fox: What the hell are you doing in our room?
Miguel: Never mind that, ok? You and Kay, Kay and I, we need to settle everything right now.
Whitney: Hey, Theresa. I got your message and I hurried over here. So what is it, what's the great news?
Jared: That's interesting. I'd like to know what the great news is, too.
Theresa: Yeah, I can't believe it, you know? Was last night a dream?
Ethan: No, it wasn't a dream. It was reality and let me tell you what happened. I asked you to marry me, you said yes, and that means you and I are going to get married.
Ethan: You know what? I got a lot to do. So many things to do. But first and foremost, I gotta go tell Jared the truth, ok? Gotta tell Jared. It's the honorable thing to do. I gotta tell him.
Theresa: No, no, no, wait. You can't tell Jared.
Kay: Ugh! This is disgusting.
Tabitha: [Laughs] Well, look on the bright side, dear. Egg yolk is very good for your hair.
Kay: That's not funny.
Tabitha: Oh, Kay. You just don't listen to me, do you? You can't even make a simple breakfast with your powers. How on earth are you going to heal Fox?
Kay: I will.
Tabitha: Oh, yes, life will be perfect, I don't think. You know, Endora is light years ahead of you in magical training. And she still makes dire mistakes on a daily basis.
Kay: Look, I am going to use my powers and you can't stop me. My life will be perfect. End of story.
Tabitha: Kay, Kay, come back here! Kay! Oh, rats. Oh, well, I suppose she's just going to have to work through her own problems.
Kay's voice: Thanks, Endora.
Tabitha: Now, I have got to figure out a way to protect you, sweet pea. And me. I don't care what Kay says. I know that demon elf is out there somewhere in Harmony causing chaos. And even we can't see him if he doesn't want us to. He could be closer to us right now than we even know.
Demon elf: [Burps]
Fox: Get out of my room. My wife is none of your damn business.
Miguel: Well, that's exactly what we have to talk about, isn't it?
Kay: Miguel, what are you doing in here?
Miguel: Well, you know what, I think it's time we all clear the air about everything.
Kay: What are you talking about?
Kay: Look, I don't want you upsetting Fox when he's so sick, ok? So, Maria, you need to go get her ready because she's gonna spend the day with your mom.
Miguel: I don't understand.
Fox: You never have.
Kay: Come on, Miguel, your mom is really looking forward to spending the day with her, so -- gosh, God knows she needs something to keep her mind off Luis.
Miguel: Kay, please.
Miguel: All right, you know what, I'm going. I'm going.
Fox: What the hell was that? Kay, we need to get our own place. Ow. My head.
Kay: What's wrong, is it the treatments?
Fox: No, no, feel this bump on my head. I don't really know what happened. I was asleep, and somehow the painting fell on my head. Don't ask me how, because paintings don't just fall off walls.
Kay: Have I said this right? "A love that is true. The strongest tempest to hold up the walls." I did not say a love that caused the walls to shake!} Well, that doesn't make any sense. Are you sure you just didn't sleep in a weird position or something?
Fox: I don't know.
Kay: Well, don't worry, because I have the perfect cure for your headache.
Fox: That's right. I was on my way looking for you. Come here.
Kay: No. That's not what I meant. But I do need you to just lie back, relax, close your eyes, and I'll take care of everything.
Fox: Ok. I see, a little "doctor patient" like Father and Rebecca.
Kay: Uh, please don't ever compare me to that woman again.
Fox: Ok, ok, I will obey orders, doctor.
Fox: How's this?
Kay: It's a start.
Demon elf: Go ahead. Stupid mortal. Where is your magic? It's a waste of time using it on him. He doesn't look that sick to me. But I'll use your magic to fortify my demons. And then the dark side will make a rather unhappy meal of Harmony. [Laughs]
Kay: Ok, just keep your eyes closed. Just relax.
Fox: Yes, doctor. I am ready for your examination.
Kay: [Mutters] Please let this work. Spirits, oh, spirits, hear your mistress Kay. My husband's mortal disease is running amuck. Heal him, oh, heal him. You must obey. Carry off his disease... oh, what rhymes with amuck?
Fox: What are you doing?
Kay: Shh! Shh! Carry off his disease in a truck.
Whitney: Jared, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I -- I just came to talk to Theresa. I'm sorry about that.
Jared: Well, she was here. Where'd she go?
Whitney: I bet she went downstairs to get some breakfast. And I'll send her up for you right now.
Whitney: Are you ok?
Jared: I don't know. I feel, uh... I feel a little odd.
Ethan: You're gonna marry me, aren't you?
Theresa: Yeah, I'm gonna marry you, yes.
Jared: I had a horrible dream.
Jared: It was really horrible.
Ethan: I am going to tell Jared. He deserves to know the truth.
Theresa: No, no, you can't.
Ethan: What do you mean, I can't? Are you kidding me? I asked you to marry me last night. Are you changing your mind already?
Theresa: No, Ethan, I'm not --
Ethan: I mean, what is going on? I mean, I allow you to come into my life, and then you play another mind game with me? I don't believe this. This is insane! You win. Fine, I'm done. You know what, we're through.
Tabitha: We're on thin ice here, Endora. Very thin ice. And we have got to be ready to protect ourselves from an unprecedented onslaught of evil. And if we get separated, or I become incapacitated in some way, you have got to be able to protect yourself. So I want you to watch Mommy now, ok? And I want you to practice a few simple dark side protection spells, all right? Now, watch Mommy.
Tabitha: Green smoke, green fire, make of my enemy a funeral pyre.
Tabitha: You should have been around to make Kay's toast.
Tabitha: Now you. Hey, now you. I want you to try and conjure up a vicious beast like Mommy's. Conjure one up right over there.
Tabitha: Endora. This is not the point. Work with me here. You have to be able to protect yourself. What to do, what to do. There's only one thing. But it's so drastic.
Kay: It's working. What should I do, should I touch him? Will that heal him?
Demon elf: Keep it up, cookie. I need you to transfer your power to my demons.
Fox: Honey, did you open the window or something?
Kay: Keep your eyes closed!
Demon elf: I want you to help me, help me to help you help me create evil.
Kay: Don't open your eyes!
Fox: Kay, this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Kay: Whoa. Fox? Fox? Ooh, he is out like a light. But it was worth it. I did it. I did it, I think. Whew! I am hot. Gosh, I think I cured him. Sweetheart? I'm going to go find Miguel now, ok? You'll understand, I know you will. Oh, magic, it's gonna make my life perfect!
Demon elf: Hell, no. It's gonna make my life perfect. [Grunts] Unholy smokes, that girl is powerful. I'm gonna use her magical power to jump start my demons. And then watch out. This summer, chaos is renting a beach house in Harmony. [Laughs] Oh, I kill me.
Fox: Oh, Kay?
Demon elf: [Laughs] Stop it.
Theresa: I love you, ok? And I want us to get married. I do, ok? We just can't tell Jared yet.
Ethan: Why the hell not?
Theresa: Because of the blackmailer. Because the blackmailer holds Luis' fate in his hands. But once that blackmailer is captured, killed or whatever, then we can get married. Ok, I promise. You can understand that, right? Once the blackmailer is out of the picture, and my brother is free, then we can go to Jared, we can tell him everything. I will divorce him, and we can get married.
Ethan: I'm just hearing more promises and more secrets, more lies.
Theresa: Yes, yes, I know. Can you just do this for me? Can you please wait to tell Jared? Ethan, if you love me, you will do this.
Tabitha: I am going to show you another spell. I want to show you how to protect yourself. All right? So watch Mommy, ok? So just say goodbye to your old canine friend.
Tabitha: Oh, very good. Where did you send it?
Tabitha: Good idea. All right, now, Endora, watch me. Listen. If you don't get with the program, I am going to have to take steps that will make our ancestors turn in their graves. Now. Protection of darkness, fly to me.
Tabitha: Well, it looks like it would rip the flesh off of anyone who would attack you, right? Now you try it. You try.
Tabitha: Oh, no!
[Parrot sings opera]
Tabitha: Endora, Endora, that bird can't protect you. Oh, what's going to become of you? That's it. I thought this would happen. Well, there's only one way I know for you to learn how to protect yourself. I hope our ancestors will forgive me for this. Especially my great aunt Eulalie. All right, sweet pea, come, come. We are going to a fiendish, terrible place I swore I'd never go. But in order to protect you, I have to betray everything I ever stood for. Ready? Ok.
Kay: I can do this. I just healed Fox with my magic. Now I just have to use it to bring Miguel back to me and Maria, and the three of us can be a family. Everyone will be happy.
Miguel: I dropped Maria off at my mother's.
Kay: Oh, great. I'm sure that will cheer your mama up.
Miguel: So you wanna tell me what's going on?
Kay: About what?
Miguel: About us, Kay. Our lives are a total mess right now.
Kay: Our lives will be perfect.
Miguel: Yeah, well, starting when? Because Fox is still in the picture, Kay.
Kay: Just let me think for a second.
Kay: What did I do? I froze him. Tabitha. She would die if she could see me now! I'm getting control of my powers. Hmm. Now that I've got you like this, could you stand any improvements? Nope. I think you're perfect the way you are. You're like a living doll. That's why I'm so in love with you. Hmm, what could I do with you?
Kay: I could dress my living doll up to fulfill my fantasies. What am I into? Hmm, what do I want to see you be? Ooh, I like the movie "300." Ok, warrior of Sparta, attack me.
Kay: Me and my big mouth.
Demon elf: Arise, my demons. Come to me. It's breakfast time. Come and get it!
Demon elf: Thank you, Kay. Thank you very much.
Demon elf: Well, what are you waiting for?
Demon elf: Go, go. Seek out the angriest residents of Harmony. Create chaos, murder, mayhem, tragedy and despair. And maybe a little bad hair while you're at it. Unhappy hunting, my darlings! Don't forget to write when you get work. And now for your lesson of the day. Lesson number one... kill Miguel. Miguel must die.
Fox: Miguel must die.
Demon elf: Yes, one more time, please. Kill Miguel. Miguel must die.
Fox: Miguel must die.
Demon elf: Yes! [Laughs] You're such a good student.
Ethan: All right, all right, I will wait for you. But as soon as this blackmailer is caught, we are going public, we are going public with our relationship.
Theresa: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much.
Ethan: And then -- then, my love -- hey. Then you're getting the fastest divorce in history, ok? And then you're gonna marry me.
Theresa: That's right. Yes, yes.
Theresa: Thank you, thank you.
Ethan: You're welcome, you're welcome.
Whitney: Well, well, well. It's good to know that someone's in a good mood around here.
Theresa: I'm in a great mood. This is the best morning ever.
Ethan: Yeah, and as usual, I'm probably gonna keep my mouth shut and you're gonna tell Whitney everything.
Theresa: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Ethan: All right, then I will go check on Little Ethan and Jane, and I will see you later.
Theresa: Oh, God, I've got the best news.
Whitney: Ok, wait, wait. Before you get started, you need to know that I was just upstairs a few minutes ago, and Jared's awake. He wants to know where you are.
Theresa: Oh, God. Oh, God. Um, yeah. I should go up and see him. I should tell him good morning. I gotta tell you this. I got the most amazing news. Ok, ready, ready?
Theresa: Ethan and I -- we're getting married. After all these years, we are getting married!
Theresa: There's nothing that can stand in the way of my happiness.
Jared: It must have been a dream. But I never remember my dreams. Well, Tess wouldn't do that to me. Would she? Damn it. Damn it. [Yelling] Damn it!
Jared: They will pay. Death. Death.
Woman: Good morning, class.
Class: Good morning, Clarabelle.
Woman: And isn't it a lovely morning?
Second Woman: A super morning to practice our very best spells of love.
Clarabelle: And happiness.
Woman: And hope.
Clarabelle: In the very best school, for good witches, in any universe you can name.
Class: Good morning, Honeydew.
Honeydew: Good morning, class.
Class: Good morning, mustard seed.
Clarabelle: Now, my angels, I have a treat. Today, we are going to learn how to make rainbows and candy canes.
Girl: Miss, I have a present for you.
Clarabelle: For me?
Girl: For your thousand and eleventh birthday.
Clarabelle: How thoughtful!
Honeydew: How kind.
Mustard seed: How sweet.
Clarabelle: Sweet, sweet apples.
Clarabelle: A gift for me. What's better than receiving a gift?
Class: Giving a gift.
Clarabelle: That's right. Now, watch this.
Clarabelle: Apple pie for everyone, for snack time.
Honeydew: Perhaps we could be naughty and put off our lessons for just a moment.
Mustard seed: And... dance the birthday dance for Clarabelle.
Class: Happy, happy, happy may sunbeams light your day your birthday is a great excuse to dance and sing and play happy, happy, happy
Tabitha: Oh. Where is a martini when you need one? All this icky-icky goodness could be the death of me. Ahem!
Clarabelle: It's Tabitha Lennox! Save yourselves!
Kay: What am I doing? Dressing my man up in costumes. [Sighs] That is like Rebecca. Hey, maybe she's a witch, too. No, Tabitha would have said something. Well, there's no harm done, I just want to have a little bit more fun with you. What could we do? Ooh, I know. You could give me a massage. We're never alone together. Ok, you're going to give me a massage. Let's see, what are we gonna get? We need a massage table. Spirits, a table. Ooh, perfect. Ok. On the count of three, you'll be unfrozen. You won't remember anything that happened in the last few minutes. One, two, three.
Miguel: Think about what? Kay?
Miguel: What just happened?
Kay: What do you mean?
Miguel: We were just talking, right? Where did this massage table come from?
Kay: I just set it up. I thought maybe you want to give me a massage.
Miguel: Right now? No, forget about it, Kay. We have to talk about Fox. This whole thing is getting out of hand, ok? No massage.
Kay: Wouldn't you rather just give me a massage?
Miguel: To hell with the massage. I want to make love to you.
Kay: Woo! Woo! [Laughs]
Whitney: Ok, you and Ethan are getting married.
Theresa: Isn't that great?
Whitney: That would be great. But what about Jared, your husband?
Theresa: Ok, well, actually, Ethan wanted to go tell Jared and I stopped him. So, once the blackmailer is captured we're going to go to Jared and we are going to tell him everything.
Whitney: Uh-huh. And Ethan's ok with that?
Theresa: I mean, I -- you know, yeah, he's ok, he's gonna do it. He's gonna do it.
Whitney: Right. You know what you should do? You should do the right thing here. Ok, just tell Jared the truth now. And while you are at it, go ahead and tell Ethan that Little Ethan is really his son.
Theresa: No, no, no, I can't do that. Ok, the blackmailer is Luis' only hope at the moment. All right? Once Luis is free and that blackmailer is out of commission --
Whitney: Ok, out of commission, what do you mean?
Theresa: Once he's in jail.
Whitney: No, you're hoping that he's killed, aren't you? So you don't have to tell Ethan the truth at all.
Theresa: I can't help it, ok? I mean, Ethan, he is never going to forgive me when he finds out I've been lying to him about his son all this time. You know, the only way that I can come out of this mess unscathed is if they find that blackmailer, they kill him and they find some information that will prove that my brother is innocent.
Whitney: That's a pipe dream.
Theresa: Well, that's what I'm praying for, you know. There's no other threat out there in the world, except that blackmailer.
Ethan: Yeah, I'll be in the office soon. I'm getting Little Ethan off to school. No, Jane is with her grandmother. Ok. I'll see you soon. Jared.
Jared: You're going to pay.
Honeydew: The evil, the evil, the horror!
Mustard seed: The horror!
Tabitha: Oh, dear, I was afraid this might happen. My reputation precedes me. Endora, sweet pea. Will you help Mommy out, please?
Honeydew: And sweet, sweet butterflies.
Mustard seed: Girls, snap out of it. That's impossible. How can a bad witch --
Clarabelle: The baddest of all bad witches.
Honeydew: Cast a spell that creates sweet, sweet butterflies and unicorns? Class, let's all put our magical thinking caps on and plunder this interesting --
Tabitha: Stop, stop, stop. Hold your horses.
Clarabelle: She interrupts, too. Hmm, rude as well as bad.
Tabitha: Yes, I'm bad. I'm bad and mad and dangerous to know. And I revel in it. However... my daughter might... and I emphasize the word "might," be...
Tabitha: [Sighs] A good witch.
Mustard seed: What?
Tabitha: Ladies, ladies, your goody-two-shoes act is affecting your brains. You sound like a bunch of chickens.
Clarabelle: Now she calls us names.
Tabitha: Just let me finish, please. My daughter Endora and I are in a bit of a pickle. She has to learn how to protect herself. And for some strange reason, she can't quite get the hang of protection spells from the dark side. So it seems she might have to be taught. Here.
Honeydew: The daughter of Tabitha Lennox, in a school for good witches?
Tabitha: It's an emergency, you understand.
Mustard seed: Speaking of chickens, it seems the chickens have come home to roost. [Laughs]
Clarabelle: You must know, there is only one witch who can decide if Endora can be admitted to this school.
Tabitha: Yes, I know. Well, where is she?
Honeydew: I'll go get her. Come, children.
Tabitha: I can't believe I'm doing this. The terrible things we do for love.
Kay: Yes, Miguel, yes.
Demon elf: Now. Hey, are you a man or a mouse? You can't just let Miguel make love to your wife like that. Can you?
Fox: Miguel must die. He must die.
Whitney: I don't know, Theresa.
Theresa: Are you gonna be happy for me?
Whitney: I'm trying, honey, I really am. But I'm worried about you. Look, I know how long you've loved Ethan.
Theresa: Yeah, I know, you know, and I feel like after all these years, we deserve to be happy.
Whitney: You know what, with all the evil going on in the world, you two deserve to beat the odds.
Theresa: Thanks. Just pray there's nothing else out there that could come between us.
Ethan: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, take it easy, take it easy. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you hear me talking to Theresa, or what? You look awfully strange, man. What is going on?
Ethan: All right, fine. What the hell is going on?
Jared: You will pay.
Mustard seed: This is unbelievable. What's going to happen when she comes face to face with Tabitha? They've hated each other for eons.
Clarabelle: There are sure to be fireworks. This could be the biggest battle in the history of witches.
Mustard seed: I adore fireworks.
Honeydew: She's coming, she's coming, she's coming! Esmeralda!
Mustard seed: Esmeralda!
Esmeralda: Tabitha Lennox, we meet again.
Demon elf: You're gonna have to stop this. You have to kill Miguel. Kill him.
Fox: I must kill Miguel. Kill Miguel.
Demon elf: Well, don't just say it, do it.
Kay: [Screams] No! Somebody help! Help!
Ethan: Are you trying to kill me? What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
Jared: Kill you. Kill you.
Theresa: Jared! Jared, what are you doing? Stop it! Get off him, Jared! [Screams]
On the Next Passions:
Whitney: This is Whitney Russell, and my son has been kidnapped.
Tabitha: It was hate on sight.
Woman: You are
Woman and Witch: Perfect perfectly frightful.
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