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Passions Transcript Monday 3/12/07 -- Canada; Tuesday 3/13/07 -- USA
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Proofread By Jodi
Sheridan: Why don't we shower together before you fix the faucet, Luis?
Fancy: Guess again, Aunt Sheridan.
Fancy: You scheming bitch.
Sheridan: Fancy, what are you doing here?
Fancy: I'm asking the questions, you slut.
Fancy: I know what you're doing. God, how dare you. You track Luis down to his hideout, and now you're trying to turn it into some love nest?
Sheridan: You silly child.
Fancy: I heard you calling for him. You wanted to lure him into the shower to seduce him? My God, do you know your husband's out looking all over for you? You're a complete, two-faced, conniving bitch. You came here to try to destroy Luis' love for me? Ha, not a chance. I'm going to prove exactly what you have been up to.
Sheridan: No, you won't.
Julian: Oh, Ethan, what are you doing at the hospital?
Ethan: I'm here to talk to Theresa.
Julian: A risky business under any circumstances, but I hardly think that calls for medical attention.
Ethan: Ok, don't, don't. You know how I feel about her.
Julian: I have to say, my boy, I've never really understood the pull she has on you. Theresa is big trouble. I should know. Legal or not, I was married to the creature.
Ethan: Julian, it doesn't surprise me that you don't understand, because it's love. She loves me. I love her.
Julian: Well, if you insist on digging your own grave, I suppose now is the perfect time to do it, isn't it? I hear Gwen left you.
Ethan: Yeah. She is divorcing me.
Julian: Well, welcome to the club. So now you're free to marry Theresa if that's what you truly wish.
Ethan: It is.
Julian: Then why the long face?
Ethan: Because I thought that's what she wanted, until I found out that she was going to marry Jared Casey. Tonight.
Julian: That's just what I said. Theresa is trouble.
Ethan: This just doesn't make any sense, that's all. For years she's been waiting for me to be free so we can be together. I love her, she loves me. I don't understand.
Julian: Well, perhaps you don't understand her as well as you think you do.
Ethan: No, there's a reason. There's a reason why she's decided to marry Jared.
Julian: Let me give you a little ex-fatherly advice. You see, Theresa -- she always has an agenda. Behind that lovely face is a conniving little brain that's almost worthy of the name Mrs. Alistair Crane.
Ethan: Julian, you don't know her. And she does love me.
Julian: That's -- that's my point. If she loves you, why isn't she marrying you and not Jared? Who knows what she's up to and why, and God help us all when it comes out.
Ethan: Why are you doing this? Makes no sense, Theresa.
Jared: You make me so happy. Just think -- we're getting married tonight.
Theresa: I know, it's amazing.
Jared: You are happy about this?
Theresa: Oh, of course I am.
Jared: Because you still seem kind of sad.
Theresa: Oh. Oh, you know, I'm just -- Jared, I'm an emotional girl. I cry. I cry a lot, I don't know if you've noticed. Always crying at all sorts of, like, inappropriate occasions. You know, birthdays, sweet 16s, weddings. I've even cried at the opening of a factory.
Whitney: Yeah, I got to vouch for her on this one. She cries all the time. I mean, funerals, memorial services -- it's a little embarrassing.
Jared: I can imagine.
Theresa: Yeah, so none of these -- this is just -- you know, these are tears of joy. Ok? Now, of course I want to marry you. Of course I do.
Eve: Hello, sweetheart.
Jared: Come on in, doc. I got a party going on.
Eve: Not for long. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I heard what you're planning and I want to get something very straight and clear. There is not going to be a wedding here tonight.
Theresa: What are you talking about, we're not going to get married? Oh, yeah, we're getting married. I mean, tonight. I mean, Judge Reilly's going to be here soon, and once he gets here Jared's going to make me his wife.
Eve: Not tonight, honey.
Whitney: Yeah, but, why, Mom?
Eve: Does anybody seem to notice that the groom is lying in a hospital bed? That he almost died of a gunshot wound? That he's weak and that he can't stand the physical and emotional strain?
Jared: Well, I don't know about emotional. But as far as physical goes, I could be in traction and still --
Eve: I heard that you had another episode. You weren't even able to breathe.
Jared: It's ok. I'll be just fine.
Eve: It wasn't just fine, Jared. You need time to recover.
Theresa: Dr. Russell, it won't be too much, really.
Jared: I'll be fine. Doc, I'm all right. I swear, I feel much stronger.
Eve: You don't sound stronger.
Jared: Well, you know what would really make me feel a lot better is to marry Theresa.
Eve: Ok, I am not absolutely forbidding the wedding. I just wish the two of you would show some common sense. Just wait till Jared is stronger.
Theresa: No, we can't.
Eve: Why not, Theresa? What difference is one or two weeks going to make?
Theresa: Dr. Russell, love -- love is not on a schedule. It's not. We just want to be married, that's all.
Jared: Yeah. We want to be married tonight.
Eve: Then you're going to have to do it without my permission and against my medical judgment.
Jared: I'm feeling better. This woman makes me stronger. I promise, I'll be fine. I'll be perfect for the wedding.
Theresa: You see? Now, look, I want you to just relax, and you take a nice, long nap before Judge Reilly gets here, ok?
Jared: I'll dream of you.
Eve: I trust that you both realize that this is just ludicrous. Ok, if you had a brain in your head, you would just call this off. Can I speak to you a moment, Whitney?
Eve: Whitney, I want you to tell me what's really going on here. Why is Theresa so insistent on having this wedding tonight?
Sheridan: Would you stop?
Fancy: Where is he? Where did you hide him?
Sheridan: I don't know. He was just here.
Fancy: He probably wanted to come home to me, so you drugged him and stuck him in a closet.
Sheridan: You know what --
Sheridan: Before you get all crazy on me, would you just stop and listen to me?
Fancy: You know, I don't need to do anything, Aunt Sheridan. See, I'm the good guy in this little melodrama. I'm not the one trying to destroy another woman's relationship.
Sheridan: You worry me.
Fancy: Oh, don't you dare start that again. You're the one with the teeny screw loose, and you're the one who can't let go of someone who's obviously moved on. And you're married. You made your choice. Leave Luis alone. Just stop trying to come between us.
Sheridan: Stop telling me how to live my life.
Fancy: Even though your actions hurt people who should be looking to you for love and protection? Luis loves me, and I love him.
Sheridan: If you truly love Luis, then stay out of his life. Because you know what you're truly like. You're only going to mess up Luis' life more than you already have.
Fancy: I will not.
Sheridan: Yes, you will. Luis has known nothing but grief ever since you went after him.
Fancy: I didn't go after him. We fell in love.
Sheridan: You know what? If you're going to lie, at least don't lie to yourself. Because I'm not here because I love Luis. I'm here to protect him. You're just bad for Luis.
Fancy: Bull. You want him back. You can't stand to see him with me. It drives you mad to think of Luis loving anyone other than you, or loving anyone more than he loved you.
Sheridan: Oh, you -- you are such a fool. You will never be able to make Luis as happy as I made him. He is hiding from the police right now because of you and your lies. He could go to prison or worse because of you.
Fancy: That is not true.
Sheridan: Yes, it is true. You have ruined Luis' life and you know it!
Fancy: Stop it!
Luis: I heard yelling. What on earth is going on here?
Luis: What are you two doing? I was out in the corridor meeting a contact. I could hear you yelling. This is supposed to be a hideout, ok? What if somebody heard you?
Sheridan: Fancy got a little emotional again, but don't worry, everything is fine.
Fancy: No, everything is not fine. Sheridan's up to her usual tricks.
Fancy: I found out where you were hiding, and I had to come see you. But when I got here, I saw Sheridan in the shower. She must have snuck in here, and she was waiting for you to get naked and join her.
Luis: I knew Sheridan was here.
Fancy: You did? In your shower?
Fancy: Oh, my -- what am I interrupting here? What's going on?
Eve: Now, Whitney, you are keeping something from me. I want to know why Theresa is so insistent on having this wedding tonight.
Whitney: Mom, it's nothing, really. I mean, come on, you know Theresa more than anyone. You know once she gets her mind set to something, there's just no stopping her. That's all it is.
Eve: A wedding? When the wedding could jeopardize the health of her groom?
Whitney: Jared said that he's fine, Mom. He's fine.
Eve: Honey, he's just like all young men. They're pigheaded. But I'm his doctor, and I'm telling you he's very, very ill. And for him to have the stress -- I mean, even if a wedding is a good kind of stress, it still counts as unneeded stress.
Eve: Theresa, I'm telling you this is a bad idea. You are making a huge mistake.
Theresa: Dr. Russell, when two people love each other, they won't --
Eve: Oh, no, no, don't give me that, Theresa. I know the difference between love and desperation, and you are up to something.
Whitney: Mom, she's not --
Eve: And you are right there with her as usual. Now, I don't know exactly what it is you're doing, but I resent you doing it in my hospital. Ok, Jared is putting on a very good act. But he is a very, very ill man, and you forcing him into a wedding ceremony tonight I think is just the ultimate selfishness.
Theresa: She hates me.
Whitney: No, no, she doesn't hate you. She's just worried.
Theresa: She's got every right to be worried, Whitney, because she's right. What am I supposed to do? You know, if I postpone this wedding, the blackmailer's going to think that I'm stalling, and he's going to tell the world that my son is not a Crane. And then I won't be able to protect my brothers.
Julian: Oh, did I hear you mention your brothers? Did you see the paper today? The headline was rather interesting. It was something like "holier-than-thou cop gets his."
Theresa: Oh, that's not what it said, Julian.
Julian: Well, perhaps it wasn't exactly that, but it was rather amusing. I mean, to think the two insufferable Boy Scouts, Luis and Miguel, exposed as common criminals. What sort of low-rent scout troop do you people from the wrong side of the tracks send your sons to, anyway? They must have merit badges for all sorts of offenses, like arson, burglary, sale of crack.
Theresa: Shut up.
Julian: Well, Theresa, Luis is on the run, but I know you're helping him. But that really does not matter, you see. Eventually the police will find him, and he will pay for what he did to my daughter. Also, a little birdie tells me that the D.A. wants the death penalty for sure for the murder of Rae Thomas.
Theresa: You know, I'm not going to let that happen.
Julian: Well, you may not have a choice, dear. I'm going to fight you with everything I have to make sure that your brothers both pay for what they have done to my family.
Theresa: You just try it. Because I can fight just as hard as you, Julian. I can fight harder.
Julian: You be prepared. You're going to need every ounce of power that you pilfered from the Cranes to fight me. It's going to be a hard fight. I'll do anything I have to to make sure that your brothers are put away for good. Or worse.
Theresa: See? There you have it. I don't have a choice. In order to protect my brothers, I need all the Crane money and power.
Whitney: I do have to say, you are in an impossible situation.
Theresa: And I hate it, Whitney. I hate everything that I've done. I hate the fact that I'm lying my head off in there, telling Jared that he's the guy that I want to spend my life with when it's actually Ethan who I want to spend my life with. It's Ethan who I want to marry. It's Ethan who I love with all of my heart. But I have to give him up?
Whitney: Ok, look, I know this is hard, but I know that you can do it, honey. If anybody can, it's you.
Theresa: I am just so grateful that Ethan doesn't know what I'm doing. Could you imagine what he would think of me if he knew that I was actually getting married to Jared?
Ethan: I already know. Why are you marrying Jared? Because I really thought you wanted to marry me.
Fancy: Luis, what have you done? What's going on here?
Luis: Nothing, Fancy.
Fancy: Hmm. Just a cozy, romantic dinner?
Luis: Oh, God. Listen, Fancy, you are way off base here, ok? Sheridan just came by. She offered to cook me some dinner, that's it.
Fancy: Oh. And how did she know you were here? I mean, did you tell her where you were?
Luis: No, of course I didn't tell her. I didn't tell anyone. She just figured it out like you did.
Sheridan: I tried to explain, Fancy, but you wouldn't listen to me.
Fancy: Right, while you were in the shower, stark naked.
Sheridan: I usually am naked when I take a shower. I spilled something on myself, and I just wanted to clean up.
Luis: Fancy, I'm telling you, nothing is going on here. In fact, ever since Sheridan's been here, all she's done is talk about you.
Fancy: I'll bet she has.
Luis: She has. Fancy, Sheridan loves you. She was telling me how close you two once were, how she misses that.
Fancy: Well, that must have been some conversation.
Luis: Oh, Fancy. She's really upset. You know, she can't believe that you would actually think that she could hurt you.
Sheridan: I miss you, Fancy. You used to be so sweet, always asking me for advice.
Fancy: Oh, you liar. She's lying again, Luis. She doesn't give a damn about me. She's just trying to make you think she does to build herself up in your eyes. Gosh, you should be on the stage, Sheridan. I mean, maybe Luis buys this sweet-and-caring act, but it's making me nauseous.
Luis: Fancy, please.
Fancy: No, listen to me, Luis. Sheridan doesn't want us to be together. She wants us to split up. You have no idea what she's done to keep us apart.
Luis: Actually, I do.
Luis: Yeah. Sheridan admitted it. She told me everything that she's done.
Julian: Eve. I was looking for you.
Eve: Oh, Julian, not now, please. It's just been a very hectic night.
Julian: So I understand that Theresa is marrying Jared?
Eve: Yeah. They're both totally ignoring my advice, and they're going to go through with it. Which is ludicrous because Jared was just on his deathbed, and now he's getting married. It's just -- he can't take that much excitement.
Julian: Oh, well, what difference does it really make? Theresa will suck the life out of any man. Even if he weren't sick now, he soon will be.
Eve: Julian, I'm really worried about him, so I really don't need the snide comments.
Julian: My apologies. I -- I came to talk about our son. Has Valerie contacted you?
Eve: No, not since she started the investigation.
Julian: I hope she comes up with something soon.
Eve: Well, yeah, that would be good.
Julian: I know that we're not a couple any longer, but we do share a son.
Eve: Yes, I'm well aware of that, Julian.
Julian: But you don't seem too interested.
Eve: Of course I'm interested.
Julian: Let me rephrase that. Your heart doesn't seem to be in it. I mean, you do want us to find our son, don't you?
Theresa: I made a decision, and once Judge Reilly gets here I'm marrying Jared.
Whitney: I'm going to let you guys talk this out, ok?
Ethan: I want to know what's happening here. I want to know what you're doing to us.
Theresa: Look, I don't want to discuss this. I'm marrying Jared.
Ethan: There's got to be a reason, Theresa, because last night we were everything to each other. Now all of a sudden you want to marry another man. I don't get it. I don't get it.
Theresa: Look, this is pointless.
Ethan: No. Tell me why. We finally have a chance to be together, everything we've been praying for -- to have a family, to build a future together -- and you just want to run off and marry another man. Doesn't that seem a little bizarre to you? Especially considering how much you love me and I love you?
Theresa: No, I love Jared, and I'm going to marry him.
Ethan: I don't accept that at all.
Theresa: Well, it's not your decision.
Ethan: We made love the other night, and it was better than it's ever been. I saw it in your eyes, I felt it in your touch. Tell me what the hell is going on.
Theresa: I just want you to forget about last night.
Ethan: I'm not going to forget about last night, Theresa!
Theresa: Then do me a favor and let me go.
Ethan: I'm not going to let you go. How do I let you go to another man's arms when I know it's me you love? We finally have a chance to be together after all these years. I'm not going to let you do this to us.
Theresa: Look, I have to, Ethan.
Ethan: Why? Why?
Theresa: I'm sorry. Just -- just go.
Ethan: No, no. No, you're telling me the truth right now. Tell me the truth.
Theresa: Ok, you want the truth? This is the truth. I'm going to marry Jared and I love him, and that's all there is to it.
Ethan: No, that is not all there is to it, Theresa, because I am the man -- I am the man than you are fated to be with.
Theresa: No, no, don't do this.
Ethan: And you know it and I know it. And I'm the man that you want in your bed, and I want you just as much as you want me.
Theresa: Look, this is wrong, Ethan.
Ethan: No, this is right.
Fancy: You told Lu-- no.
Luis: Yes. Sheridan told me everything. She admitted that she tried to keep us apart.
Fancy: I don't believe it.
Luis: Well, it's true. She told me that she told you that you were wrong for me, that she knows what I'm looking for and that you're not it.
Fancy: Go on.
Luis: She told me that you wouldn't make me happy, but she was wrong. We all know that that is not true.
Sheridan: I feel so bad for saying any of those things.
Fancy: Yeah, yeah, I'll bet.
Luis: Try and understand, Fancy. Sheridan was acting out of concern for both of us. She knew that Noah hurt you and that I was hurt. Ok, maybe she went a little overboard, but Sheridan loves you. She is sorry that she ever hurt you.
Fancy: [Laughs] Wow. Wow, you're good. You are really, really good. I thought my mother was the master manipulator, but you've got her beat by a mile.
Luis: Fancy, please.
Fancy: You made sure you covered all your bases, didn't you? Just in case I might tell Luis what you've been doing, so you got there first with a cover story. I got to hand it to you, Sheridan. You'd make Grandfather and my father very, very proud.
Whitney: Well, the chauffeur just showed up with the tux for you, and a wonderful suit for Theresa at the wedding.
Jared: I didn't rent a tux.
Whitney: Oh, you're marrying a Crane, honey. You're gonna start getting used to things like this. And it's not a rental, trust me. Theresa also ordered a wedding band for you, so -- can I help you in any way?
Jared: No, no, I'll call an orderly in to give me a hand.
Jared: I can't believe I'm getting married. It's amazing.
Whitney: Yeah, it is amazing. It really is.
Jared: Guess I kind of lucked out, you know? When Gwen served Ethan those divorce papers, I figured that was that. I lost Theresa forever, but -- I figured that she would just go and marry Ethan as soon as the divorce was finalized. Guess who lucked out? Man, feels like I won the lottery here. I love Theresa with every bone in my body. And I know you're her best friend, Whitney, and you love her, too. And I promise that I will do everything I possibly can to make her happy. I swear that.
Whitney: I know you will, Jared.
Theresa: No, no, no, I can't do this.
Ethan: Theresa, come on.
Theresa: No, no, I love Jared, and there's nothing that you can say to stop me.
Ethan: Theresa, come on, you love me. You know it.
Theresa: No, no, I don't. I don't. I love Jared.
Ethan: You're lying through your teeth, Theresa. Don't tell me you didn't feel some kind of love in that, because I sure did.
Theresa: No, I don't love you anymore, Ethan.
Ethan: You're lying to me.
Theresa: No, you know, I did. I've been lying to you up until right this second. No, no, our love is gone, ok? There's been too much hurt, there's been too much pain, and we just cannot get past that.
Ethan: Just last night you were saying, "Ethan, we --"
Theresa: No, you know what, but early this morning I did some real soul searching, Ethan, and I decided that it's Jared that I actually want to spend my life with.
Ethan: I don't believe you. I don't believe you for a second. And even if you didn't want to marry me, which I know you do, I can't believe you'd want to marry Jared. The guy is a lowlife, a liar, probably a murderer, Theresa.
Theresa: Just stop, please.
Ethan: We never found out who killed J.T. Cornell.
Theresa: You're out of line. You need to stop. I'm going to marry him, ok? And if that hurts you, I am sorry.
Ethan: You can't mean this. Not after the hope that you gave me. Don't do this to us, please.
Theresa: No, no, please. I want you to go. I'm going to marry Jared, and I really need to get ready for my wedding.
Ethan: Don't do this. Don't, please. Come on. We're finally free to be together, and you're going to walk away from us now?
Theresa: Ethan --
Ethan: Don't do this.
Theresa: Look, there's nothing that you're going to say that's going to make me change my mind, ok? I'm going to marry Jared, and you know what? I will be a good wife to him.
Ethan: You know, you have made some serious mistakes in the past, but nothing compares to this.
Ethan: Nothing compares to this.
Theresa: I have no choice. I've no choice at all.
Fancy: Let's give the little lady a round of applause, everyone. I mean, she's terrific, far better than I ever imagined.
Luis: Stop it.
Fancy: You all thought Alistair's dead, but surprise. Presto change-o, he's been in disguise as his very own daughter.
Luis: Fancy, I said stop it. Ok? Sheridan is nothing like Alistair. She loves you.
Fancy: Oh, God, don't let her fool you, Luis. It's in her blood. She's ruthless, cold, and conniving.
Sheridan: Uh, Fancy, I believe we share the same blood.
Fancy: Oh, whatever. Sheridan Crane has always had her own way. But now, because of me, there's something she's been denied. You. And that makes her want you even more, and she doesn't care what she has to do or who she has to destroy to get you. Isn't that right, Aunt Sheridan?
Julian: Eve, please answer me. Now, you do want to find our son, don't you?
Eve: Yes. It's just that --
Julian: What is it? I mean, I know our relationship has been -- well, a bit strained lately, but --
Eve: Strained? That's an understatement.
Julian: Right. I've called you many, many terrible things. But if we could put our differences aside and remember that we -- well, we're parents. We have a son out there. Tell me what's bothering you.
Eve: Julian, when we thought that Chad was our son, even though it nearly destroyed Whitney, just knowing that he was alive -- it lit such a fire in my heart. And then we found out that Chad isn't our son, and it was like losing him all over again. So I -- I just don't know if I want to put myself into that kind of painful situation again. I want to find our son, but I'm just so -- I'm so afraid of losing him all over again. And I just don't want to get my hopes up.
Julian: That's not going to happen.
Eve: Yes, well, it already happened once before.
Julian: Look, we will find our son. And we will welcome him into -- well, our respective families. We will make up for the years that he missed. We will make him part of our lives, and we will make him happy.
Eve: "Happy." We have no idea what he's been through, Julian. Don't make promises you can't keep.
Julian: Well, that's a promise that I'm sure I can keep because I know the boy's mother. She's a very lovely, wonderful, giving woman.
Eve: Oh, and that's me? Wow, you certainly have changed your tune. I mean, the last things you said about me, I was a scheming, lying --
Julian: All right, all right. If we can just perhaps ignore that for the moment and think about our son. I mean, I don't believe that there's another person on the face of this earth who could make him happier than you.
Eve: Thank you. I guess.
Julian: And I think you will be happy, too, someday. I swear you will be.
Eve: No, I think it's a little too late in the day for that, Julian.
Julian: No. You have been through more pain than anyone should endure in a lifetime. And I should know because I'm the reason for most of it.
Eve: Is that some sort of real apology?
Julian: Perhaps. I just can't believe that life or fate or even he could throw more pain at you. But me, on the other hand --
Eve: No, don't even go there.
Julian: Oh, yes, of course I won't. I made a promise to you years ago, and I have yet to keep that promise. We will find our son. I reaffirm that vow for anyone who cares to hear. Is that clear enough for you?
Eve: I hope you're right.
Julian: What is it?
Eve: Oh, I don't know. Maybe someone just walked across my grave.
Theresa: Now, just a little makeup, change my clothes, and a big smile. That'll get me through anything.
Person's voice: I trust you're doing as you were told.
Theresa: Look, I'm doing exactly what you want. I'm going to marry Jared in just a few minutes.
Person's voice: Excellent. That's the news I wanted to hear.
Theresa: Look, it is time for you to make good on your promise. I want to know where that U.S.B. stick is.
Person's voice: All in good time, Theresa. First I want to see that ring on your finger and hear the good judge pronounce you husband and wife.
Theresa: Look, I'm going to be Jared's wife within the hour.
Person's voice: You'd better be. If you pull anything on me, you'll regret it. I'm watching, Theresa. Marry Jared immediately, or all bets are off.
Whitney: How did everything go with Ethan?
Theresa: Oh, God. It was horrible. But it's ok because, you know, I'm strong. And I can do anything.
Whitney: Honey, come on, now. Are you sure you can go through with this?
Theresa: Yeah. Yeah, I have to. Got my orders.
Judge Reilly: Ah, Mrs. Crane. Say, are you all right?
Theresa: Oh, yeah. I'm -- I'm fine.
Judge Reilly: Well, come on, it's just last-minute jitters. You know, usually it's the groom who panics at the last minute. But anyway, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. So, shall -- shall we start the ceremony?
Theresa: Yeah, I just need to freshen up a little bit, change into my suit, and we're ready to begin.
Judge Reilly: Excellent. Ok.
Theresa: Thank you.
Judge Reilly: Yeah.
Luis: Fancy, I think that you owe Sheridan an apology.
Fancy: Ok, she has snowed you, Luis. Aunt Sheridan wants you back, and she will try to have her way, no matter how many bodies pile up in the process. I mean, that's why she's been out to get me for all these months. She's trying to ruin me in your eyes, Luis.
Sheridan: How cruel. Fancy, please.
Fancy: Unbelievable. The tragedy queen lives. You know everything I'm saying is true. You're trying to destroy me so you can get Luis back, and you don't care if I get hurt in the process. Or your husband. Or your son.
Sheridan: It's ok. I forgive her. She's only lashing out at me because she doesn't understand. Please, darling --
Fancy: What, "darling"?
Sheridan: Please stop saying these ugly things about me. Because lashing out at me will only have disastrous results in the end. I know you've been hurt. But please don't take it out on me. This is not about me. This is nothing like the time between you and Pretty.
Fancy: Oh, don't go there, Aunt Sheridan.
Luis: Go where? What's going on here?
Fancy: Forget about it.
Luis: No, I'm not going to forget it because this isn't the first time that this has come up. Now, what happened between you and your sister, Pretty?
Theresa: Now, are you absolutely sure that you can do this?
Jared: I'll be fine.
Eve: Jared, what are you doing out of bed? You are too weak to be out of bed.
Jared: No, it's ok.
Eve: No, it's not ok. It's bad enough that you want to go through with the ceremony in your condition. But you can at least do it from your bed.
Jared: Eve, it's my wedding day. I want to stand next to my bride. I want to hold her hand while I marry her. I want to put that ring on her finger and say my vows.
Eve: You can do all of that from your hospital bed.
Jared: Well, give a guy a little credit for trying to do the right thing here.
Judge Reilly: Well, shall we begin the ceremony? Yes, thank you. Where's the best man?
Whitney: Oh, Jared, I'm sorry. I couldn't get a hold of Chad.
Jared: It's such short notice. It's all right. Go ahead, judge. I don't need a best man.
Judge Reilly: Well, I do for the wedding to be legal. I need two official witnesses. Dr. Russell, will you do the honors?
Eve: No, no, certainly not. I'm opposed to this ceremony even happening.
Judge Reilly: Well, we are at a standstill, then. I can't perform this ceremony.
Theresa: No, you have to.
Judge Reilly: The law is the law, Mrs. Crane.
Theresa: Oh, that has never stopped you before.
Orderly: Some chauffeur just delivered these.
Theresa: Yes! Oh, my God. Hi. This is great, perfect. Just sit that right there. Beautiful. Hi. What is your name?
Orderly: Jonathan Gibbs.
Theresa: Jonathan, you know what, this is your lucky day. How would you like to make $500 for just five minutes, only five minutes of your time?
Eve: Jonathan is on duty.
Theresa: Oh -- oh, this? You're not going to stop him, are you, Dr. Russell?
Eve: Oh, whatever.
Theresa: Ok. See, over here we are trying to get married. Ok, you can get a better look at this over here. Yeah, this is good. Ok, and this is the judge --
Judge Reilly: Hello.
Theresa: But he needs another official witness in order to marry us so that I can marry that wonderful man right there, Mr. Jared Casey. So could you please stand right over there next to him and act like you're his best man?
Jonathan: I don't even know the man.
Jared: You dressed me. That makes us the most intimate of friends, I guess. So come on. I need another person here to get married.
Theresa: Yeah, yeah, and $500. $500 and a week for two at the Crane resort in Key Largo. You can swim with the dolphins.
Jonathan: Lady, you got a deal.
Theresa: Ok, great. Ok, great. You know, you can just stand right over there. Perfect. Let's just get this over with. Let's begin the ceremony.
Judge Reilly: Of course, of course. So, we are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, and to give recognition to the worth and the beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words that will unite Jared and Theresa in marriage. Now, I would ask you both to remember to treat yourself and each other with respect, and to remind yourself often what brought you together today. A passionate love so strong that you joyfully commit exclusively to each other while refusing the love of all other people.
On the Next Passions:
Jessica: It was a thing, half man, half woman.
Fancy: Every word out of her mouth is poison. She's trying to break us up.
Theresa: I, Theresa, take you, Jared.
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