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Passions Transcript Friday 3/9/07 -- Canada; Monday 3/12/07 -- USA
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Provided By Eric
Proofread By Jodi
Tabitha: [Laughs] Granny boxing a kangaroo on "The Beverly Hillbillies." Oh, my little Endora just loves the classics. Oh, so sweet, falling asleep with a big smile on her face. Time for a martimmy. That will put a big smile on my face. A nice little nightcap before I turn in.
Miguel: Damn it!
Tabitha: Suffering succotash. Is there no peace for the wicked? What now, Miguel?
Miguel: I finally pushed Kay too far.
Tabitha: Ah, re: Fox, you mean?
Miguel: Kay just told me that whether Fox lives or dies, she and I can never be together.
Tabitha: Now, well, I doubt she means that. No matter what, deep down, Kay loves you. She always has and she always will.
Miguel: Yeah, well, I thought so, too. You know what? Maybe I've been deluding myself. I mean, so much has happened that maybe it's just too late.
Tabitha: Listen, how about joining me in a martimmy before you go to bed. Then you'll have a good night's sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, you can woo Kay anew.
Miguel: I've tried for days, Tabitha, weeks. It's no use. I should've never come back to Harmony.
Tabitha: Oh, poppycock.
Miguel: I give up.
Miguel: I'm leaving town, Tabitha. I'm going to find Charity and I'm going to ask her to marry me.
Tabitha: No. No, Miguel, no, no, no. You can't do that, not Charity.
Kay: You couldn't sleep, huh? Yeah, Mommy knows what that's like. Talking to your daddy just now got me all worked up.
Kay's voice: How dare Miguel think that once Fox is dead we're going to be a couple again. There's no way, not after everything that's happened.
Fox: Oh, just thinking of vomiting again is enough to make me want to vomit again.
Julian: We got your message on my way back to the mansion. It was rather difficult to understand you through all the retching. Why did you insist I come back?
Fox: Because I'm convinced that I got the real treatment that Dr. Russell prescribed instead of the placebo that Nurse Stevens was supposed to switch out.
Julian: All right, do you have any hard proof to back up this claim?
Fox: Try no hard proof.
Julian: What the hell is wrong with you?
Fox: That's what's wrong, Father. What good is it being married to Kay if I'm impotent after one treatment?
Nurse: Mr. Casey, try to stay calm. Code blue, room 104. I repeat, code blue, room 104, the patient asphyxiating. What did you do to him?
Ethan: Hold on, whoa, I didn't do anything. I swear to God, we were just talking.
Nurse: Mr. Winthrop, I'm sorry, but you need to leave.
Ethan: Nurse, I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't --
Nurse: Get out, now.
Ethan: I'm out. Great. If Jared dies, it will be my fault and Theresa will never forgive me.
Theresa: Jared is my future, not Ethan. I'm going to do exactly what the blackmailer wants. I'm going to marry Jared, or else he'll tell the world my son really isn't a Crane and I'll lose all the money and power that I have to protect my brothers from crimes that they didn't even commit.
Whitney: But to just give up like this, to give up on your dream of a life with the man you love.
Theresa: That's just the worst part of it. After tonight, I'm never going to be with Ethan. And that's just --
Ivy: That's just the best news I've heard all year.
Theresa: Ivy, I'm not in the mood.
Ivy: Oh, gee, Theresa, I'm sorry if I'm not sensitive to your mood, but, frankly, I don't give a damn. Hearing you say you're never going to be with Ethan again? It's music to my ears.
Fancy: No, no, Esme, Bonnie was exaggerating as usual. The acid burned my leg, not my face. And Aunt Sheridan didn't throw it on me. At least I don't think she did. It's a long story, too long to get into now. I'm out trying to track down Luis. Wha-- no, no, Esme, for the last time, having a transmitter implanted in his neck wasn't a choice, but it would make it easier to find him. Well, he's been hiding out since he escaped from police custody. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, his sister, Theresa, has to be helping him, which is why I think that she's letting him stay at a Crane executive apartment. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be searching all of them, and if I find out that Sheridan is holed up with Luis, I guarantee she'll live to regret it.
Sheridan: I so regret that we ever broke up. Being apart from you has been unbearable. There were times I thought I was going to lose my mind. But I'm here with you now, and everything I have done leading up to this moment has been totally worth it.
Nurse: I repeat, code blue in room 104. I need a doctor and a crash cart, stat.
Ethan: I didn't want Jared dead, I just wanted him out of Theresa's life.
Nurse: Cancel the code blue in room 104. The patient was just hyperventilating.
Ethan: Thank God.
Nurse: Stay calm and take deep breaths. Excellent.
Nurse: That's what I'm here for. Just remember not to get worked up again. The stress to your system could cause another episode.
Jared: I'll keep that in mind.
Nurse: Besides, you have to rest up for your wedding and all the good stuff that happens afterwards.
Jared: That's an order I'd be happy to follow.
Nurse: As for Mr. Winthrop, I think it's best that he leaves. His presence is counter-productive to your recovery.
Jared: It's all right. Send Ethan packing. We're finished with our discussion anyway.
Ethan's voice: Dream on, pal. I'm not gonna rest until I stop you from marrying Theresa.
Theresa: Go away, Ivy. I'm really not up to hearing you gloat.
Ivy: Ooh, that's even better, because I'm giddy, Theresa. I am giddy that you will never be with Ethan again.
Theresa: Don't you have some puppies to drown?
Ivy: After all these years, my son is finally free of your sick obsession with him. You've ruined his life more times than I can count. And your siblings -- oh, please. Your siblings have brought nothing but misery to my children. Luis has complicated Fancy's life, and Miguel tried to kill Fox.
Theresa: Well, he didn't and we're going to prove that.
Ivy: Fox saw Miguel behind the wheel moments before he was mowed down.
Theresa: Fox was wrong.
Ivy: Glass from Miguel's headlight was found at the scene.
Theresa: Somebody else was driving Miguel's car.
Ivy: Oh, right, yeah. Mr. Magoo was in town and mistook Fox for a speed bump.
Theresa: You know, Ivy, my brother is innocent, and that's the end of the story.
Ivy: You wish. Miguel is going to be convicted of attempted murder, despite your futile attempts to use Crane money and power to stop justice from being served.
Theresa: Justice? Right, yeah. If you had gotten what was coming to you when you destroyed Chief Bennett's marriage, you would be rotting in an unmarked grave by now.
Whitney: Ok, we are in a hospital. Could we possibly not fight?
Ivy: Fight? Who's fighting? No, no, no, I'm celebrating. I am celebrating the end of Theresa's involvement with Ethan. Really, Theresa, what could I get you and Jared for a wedding gift?
Theresa: Hmm. How about your head on a platter?
Ivy: Oh, adios, Theresa. Adios and good riddance.
Fancy: Luis? Oh, Esme. What is it now? No, I haven't found Luis yet. I checked several apartments Crane keeps for visiting executives, but except for this foreign businessman and his harem staying in one, the others were empty. Wait, you know what? I think I passed one of the apartment buildings. Yeah, I think I'm going to call this time to see if anyone answers. I'll talk to you later.
Fancy: Ok, come on, Luis, be there. Without Aunt Sheridan.
Sheridan: I want you, Luis. I want to be with you.
Luis: Oh, my God. I want you, too, Sheridan. Whoa, wait. Hold on one second. What are we doing?
Sheridan: We can't help ourselves.
Luis: No, no, no. Fancy and Chris -- we can't betray them.
Sheridan: We weren't.
Luis: I've got to answer this, Sheridan. It could be important.
Sheridan: Go ahead and take the call.
Luis: Hello. Oh, my God, I was hoping you'd call.
Luis: I was hoping to hear from you. Then, you buy that I'm being set up? Thank God.
Sheridan's voice: Damn Fancy for getting this number.
Luis: Hold on a second. Hey, it's one of my contacts with some potentially important information.
Sheridan: Oh, great.
Luis: Uh, this could be a while.
Sheridan: You know what? Not a problem. I'm going to go get cleaned up, if that's all right. I still have gravy all over me.
Luis: Put something on that burn, too, while you're at it.
Sheridan: I will.
Luis: All right, so tell me what you got.
Fancy: Luis, where are you? Hey, Esme, it's me. I -- what do you mean now's not a good time? I don't care if Harry is a prince. He's too young for you. Now, untie him before Charles turns Camilla loose on you. God. Now, why did I call? I don't remember. Oh, right, ok, I called the last number and no one answered. I'm on my way to check out one more Crane executive apartment.
Fox: I'm sorry, Father, but there's no placebo that could possibly make me feel as nauseous as I feel.
Julian: Well, I have to tell you that Dr. Gasparro disagrees with that.
Fox: Dr. Gasparro? You finally got a hold of him?
Fox: Well, then, call Dr. Russell and tell her to stop the treatments.
Julian: But that would cause too much suspicion.
Fox: Oh, damn it. I'm going to die if I don't stop taking these treatments.
Julian: Gasparro did offer a reason as to why, possibly, you are not handling this very well. The good doctor says that the nausea is all in your head.
Tabitha: You come and just sit down right here and ponder your options, ok? You want to be sure that you're sure before you make a change like that. Forget the martimmy. No, I'm going to -- I'm going to make you some tea. That will help you to think.
Tabitha's voice: I can't let Miguel go after the real Charity. But how am I going to stop him? Chaining him up in my dungeon is a bit 14th century. Kay. Kay. She's the key to keeping Miguel in Harmony. It's a no-brainer she loves young Romeo. It's just gooey mortal guilt that's making her stay true to Fox. I think maybe a little of Tabby's extra lusty love potion could remedy that. All I have to do is slip some to Miguel and he'll be having Kay in no time. Ergo, Miguel will forget about Charity, at least for the short term. And in my book, a day without doom is a winning day for our side.
Tabitha: Here you are, dear. A tasty cup of tea. Tabby's special brew.
Miguel: Ah! Whoo! Wow!
Tabitha: Would you care for anything with that?
Miguel: Whoo! I want a woman!
Tabitha: Oh, good, right. That's a good idea. You go right upstairs to Kay, right now. Go on.
Miguel: The hell with Kay.
Tabitha: You can have her six ways from Sunday.
Miguel: No, the hell with Kay. I want Charity. Where's Charity? Whoo!
Tabitha: No, Miguel, no. You can't have Charity, Miguel. No, not Charity.
Miguel: I'm coming to find you, Charity! Oh, baby, and when I do, I'm making love to you. I'm making love to you like there's no tomorrow. God, this is good.
Tabitha: No, Miguel, stop!
Tabitha: No, no, Miguel. No, no, you don't want Charity, you want Kay. You want Kay, Miguel.
Miguel: [Laughs] I'm gonna make love to you, Charity!
Tabitha: Wrong. Think again, buster.
Miguel: Gonna make love to Charity. Woo-hoo-hoo!
Tabitha: Hey, come here. Hey, come here.
Miguel: Let go of me!
Tabitha: No, no!
Miguel: Oh, this feels so good. Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go. Let me go, that feels good. Let me go, let me go.
Tabitha: You don't have to lose the feeling, Miguel. You can keep the feeling. You just have to feel it for Kay.
Tabitha: Come here, Miguel! No!
Kay: What the hell is going on?
Tabitha: Kay, get me some rope and be quick about it.
Miguel: No, let me go!
Tabitha: Come here.
Miguel: I gotta find you and make love to you.
Tabitha: You didn't hear that, Kay.
Kay: What? What? The second you gave up on me, you decide to go back to her now, huh?
Tabitha: No, it's not like that, Kay. He doesn't mean that. But you told him that you two had no future together.
Kay: Yeah, well, now I'm glad I did.
Tabitha: Come here. Oh, rats and bats! Oh, this isn't how I wanted it to work out at all! Oh.
Fancy: Esme, if Luis is lonely and needy enough and Sheridan is aggressive enough, who knows what could happen? It's an expression, Esme. Of course we both know what could happen. That's why I have to find Luis before Aunt Sheridan takes advantage of him.
Sheridan: I'm sure I was getting to Luis before. If I could just get him to join me in here, Fancy would be out of luck.
Luis: Couldn't resist.
Sheridan: You never could. How'd your call go?
Luis: Oh, it was good news.
Sheridan: That's great.
Luis: Yeah. The best part about getting off the phone, I was able to get in here with you. I love you, you know. Never stopped.
Sheridan: I love you, too. Chris and Fancy could never give us what we can give each other.
Luis: It's not their fault. What we have is --
Theresa: Jared's asleep, so I'm gonna, you know, let him rest until Judge Reilly gets here and marries us.
Whitney: Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Do you happen to remember what Vincent said? That the heart feels things, but the mind, you know, tends to complicate everything.
Theresa: I remember.
Whitney: Ok, well, you know what? Maybe he's right. You know, maybe if you just follow your heart and marry Ethan, things will work out for the best.
Theresa: I don't know, Whitney. I mean, that blackmailer said that he would reveal that my son is not a Crane.
Whitney: Yeah, but if you marry Ethan and tell him the truth about Little Ethan, you take away all the blackmailer's power, right? And then Ethan could help you with the blackmailer and help you free your brothers. You see, maybe things will work out if you marry the man that you truly love and not Jared.
Theresa: You think that's possible? Do you think that I could be a family with Ethan and our children?
Fox: I didn't imagine being sick to my stomach. It looked like a remake of "The Exorcist" by the time I was done throwing up in here.
Julian: Oh, please. Surely you exaggerate.
Fox: Why are you being so dismissive? Ok, I'm telling you that Nurse Stevens did not switch out the real treatment with the placebo that she was supposed to.
Julian: Fox, she assured me that she did.
Fox: She's lying.
Julian: Well, be that as it may, after speaking with Dr. Gasparro, I have to say I disagree with you. He said that many times when a patient gets a placebo, they still think they are getting the real treatment. That's you to a T. I mean, you were so concerned about the symptoms of the real treatment, you created them with your mind.
Fox: I created this illness in my mind?
Julian: Yes, your mind created the same symptoms you'd have had if you had received the real treatment and not just some placebo.
Fox: I'm sorry, Father, I don't buy it. I am telling you that she didn't switch the placebo with the real treatment, and if I keep on taking this, it's going to kill me for sure.
Miguel: Ah, I got to find Charity and make love to her.
Miguel: Oh, Charity.
Tabitha: Oh, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tabitha: Good work, Tabby. Miguel should be out cold long enough for me to fix this fiasco. What's my next step? I know. I have to give Kay some potion that will make her crave Miguel and make Miguel crave Kay instead of Charity. That should get the intended results. So much to do and so little time to do it in. Feet, don't fail me now.
Kay: Ooh. [Laughs] Oh, God. Oh, I want a man. [Squeals]
Tabitha: Come on, Miguel. Up you get, now. Here, here, have a little bit more of Tabby's tea and it will make you feel better.
Miguel: Whoo! Ha ha! Wow. Oh. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Tabitha: I beg your pardon?
Miguel: Oh, I want you. I want you right now.
Tabitha: What? Me? No, no, no, not me. Mmm --
Tabitha's voice: Oh, I have to behave myself. Never mind that Miguel reminds me of young King Tut that time he came on to me in Karnak.
Miguel: I want to make love to you. Come to papi.
Tabitha: Oh, well -- oh, hell! Hell! Oh, no. Keep away! No, no, no!
Tabitha: Miguel, Miguel, go find Kay and make love to Kay, not Charity. Kay, Kay. Go find Kay.
Miguel: Oh, Kay. Ah, Kay.
Tabitha: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right, that's right, good boy. Yes, go upstairs. She's upstairs. Go find her and make love. Make love.
Miguel: [Tarzan yell]
Tabitha: Kay is in for the night of her life. [Sighs] I wish I were a few hundred years younger.
Ivy: You are married to Gwen. You should be concentrating on reconciling with her, not playing Theresa's guardian.
Ethan: Actually, Mother, my marriage to Gwen is over. She filed for divorce. That's why I gotta find Theresa and stop her from marrying Jared, because finally, finally I'm free to be with Theresa after all these years.
Ivy: Unless she just doesn't want to be with you. And she wouldn't be set to marry Jared if that were the case.
Ivy: Face facts, Ethan. Theresa loves Jared and you're just going to have to learn to live with it.
Whitney: Honey, if you are going to follow your heart and marry Ethan, you have to tell Jared the truth right now before it's too late, before you change your mind again.
Theresa: I have always wanted to be Ethan's wife.
Jared: Hey. Why are you two so far away? I'm not contagious.
Theresa: Yeah, of course.
Whitney: Did you have a nice nap, Jared?
Jared: Actually, I did. Oddly enough, I had a dream about our honeymoon.
Theresa: Oh, my God, you've got to stop that. I mean, we're not even married yet.
Jared: We will be soon. As soon as Judge Reilly gets here.
Theresa: Oh, God. Look, Jared, about that, about us, you know, getting married. There's something I've got to tell you.
Fox: Not to be gross, Father, but I didn't imagine blowing chow all over this room, myself, and Kay minutes after starting the treatment.
Julian: Thank you for not being gross.
Fox: Damn it, Father, something went wrong, all right? Either Nurse Stevens -- she didn't switch the placebo, or the placebo is making me sick or something. I don't know what it is, but I want to get to the bottom of it, ok? I have risked my life to not lose Kay to Miguel, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let this treatment kill the rest of me before I have a chance to be with her.
Tabitha: Smooth and sweet, like young Miguel's lips. Get a grip on yourself, girl. You have to focus on the business at hand here. Boing. Better. All right, let's check on Kay and Miguel. They should be moments away from potion-induced passion.
Kay: Miguel. God, I want Miguel.
Tabitha: And I want you to have Miguel, dear. Where is that buff-bodied Romeo? He ought to be there by now. Oh, no. Oh, no. He can't have gone off to Charity again, could he?
Kay: Miguel, come take me!
Kay: Oh, God.
Tabitha: Oh! Oh, my God. Sounds like feeding frenzy at the zoo. Look at those two go.
Kay: Oh, God.
Ethan: Mother, you're wrong. Theresa has not chosen to be with Jared. If she had, she would have told me about it.
Ivy: Then why did Judge Reilly tell you he was coming here to marry them?
Ethan: Honestly, I think Julian is behind it. I think Julian is trying to distract me from Luis and Miguel's cases.
Ivy: Unless Theresa was just afraid to tell you that she's chosen Jared because she knew you'd make a scene.
Ethan: No, everything is perfect with Theresa and me as far as I know.
Ivy: Oh --
Ethan: We can finally be together, Mother. We can have a life together.
Ivy: Ethan, Ethan, honey, wake up. Nothing will ever be perfect with you and Theresa. The girl is pestilence personified. Tragedy follows her wherever she goes. Please, from the moment she dropped that paint bucket on your head at the carnival all those years ago, she's made your life a living hell. You shouldn't be looking for Theresa, you should be hiding from her.
Ethan: Mother, come on, please.
Ivy: Ethan, honey, just let Theresa marry Jared and say adios and good riddance.
Ethan: Mother, stop. I love her. I love Theresa, you hear me?
Ivy: Well, honey, that's hardly news. Everyone knows you're smitten with the little slut, including Gwen. I'm surprised she didn't file for divorce years ago. She knows you only stayed with her out of some misbegotten sense of duty.
Ethan: Mother, I love Gwen. I do.
Ivy: And you love Theresa, blah, blah, blah. Oh, you know what? I always figured that you pitied Gwen and you lusted after Theresa. I think you should just be glad to be rid of both of them, because maybe now you can find a woman who can really make you happy, something that neither Theresa nor Gwen have ever been able to do.
Theresa: It's about our wedding.
Jared: Well, don't keep me in suspense.
Whitney: Yeah, Theresa, tell Jared what you wanted to say.
Theresa: Jared, I -- I do love you. This is really hard.
Theresa: I'm so sorry. You know, I just -- I don't even know how this is possible. I thought my battery was dead.
Jared: It's probably Judge Reilly telling you he's on his way.
Theresa: Yeah, maybe.
Theresa's voice: "Keep your mouth shut about Ethan. Marry Jared."
Whitney: Um, how did that happen? We both know your battery was dead. How did the blackmailer get that message on your phone?
Theresa: I don't know. But, look, I'm not going to follow my heart and be with Ethan, I'm going to do what he wants. I'm going to marry Jared or all hell is going to break loose.
Jared: Tess? What's the message about?
Theresa: Oh. You were so right. It was Judge Reilly. He's on his way.
Jared: Well, just think. Soon we'll be husband and wife.
Theresa: It's just hard to believe.
Sheridan: I've got to get Luis to join me. Luis? Can you help me? I think I broke the hot water faucet.
Sheridan: You'd better take your clothes off. You can't reach the faucet without getting wet.
Sheridan: Here's a washcloth so you don't scald yourself on the faucet.
Tabitha: Ooh, my, my. Oh, I think I've added too much lust to this love potion of mine this time. But I have managed to keep Miguel away from the real Charity. The question is, for how long?
Julian: Fox, if you're having problems down there, the cause is psychological, it is not physical.
Fox: But the real treatment causes impotence.
Julian: Even so, the idea that Nurse Stevens let you have the treatment that Eve prescribed is preposterous. If you're nauseous, it must be from eating the swill that this hospital calls food.
Fox: Kay did bring me some breakfast before I started the treatment.
Julian: Well, there you have it. Perhaps some illegal neglected to wash his hands in the kitchen, or the lab mice escaped and regrouped in food services. Either way, I mean, your sickness is being caused by that, not some supposed treatment.
Julian: Well, all right, I'm -- I'm going home to get some rest, and I suggest you do the same.
Fox: Good night.
Julian: Good night, son. You try to rest.
Fox: Oh, my God. My hair is falling -- I have to be getting the real treatment. I have to be.
Ethan: You want me to forget about both Gwen and Theresa?
Ivy: It's for the best. Things have run their course with Gwen. She's bitter, barren, and, frankly, a bit dull. And Theresa has made your life a living hell. Let her go, Ethan. Please, let Theresa marry Jared.
Jared: As soon as Judge Reilly gets here, we can be married. It's the happiest day of my life. Look, she's crying tears of joy, Whitney.
Whitney: Yeah, I'm not surprised. Being with you from now on is all Theresa can think about.
Sheridan: Why don't we shower together before you fix the faucet, Luis?
Fancy: Guess again, Aunt Sheridan.
Fancy: You scheming bitch.
On the Next Passions:
Julian: I'll do anything to make sure that your brothers are put away for good.
Luis: What happened between you and your sister, Pretty?
Judge Reilly: We are gathered here today to unite Jared and Theresa in marriage.
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