Passions Transcript Monday 12/25/06 [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Passions Transcript Monday 12/25/06 -- Canada; Tuesday 12/26/06 -- USA

[an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Provided By Glynis
Proofread By Jodi

Tabitha: Oh, Norma, Edna! I was right. You were with those carolers.

Norma: Music's our life now.

Edna: Bells on bobtails ring making spirits bright

Norma: Oh, what fun it is to sing a sleighing song tonight

Tabitha: A slaying song! Oh!

Edna: Hey, don't be afraid, Endora.

Norma: We're not here to hurt you.

Edna: No.

J.T.: And so we say, Merry Christmas, Harmony. Enjoy reading the muck I've raked on all the bad little boys and girls in this humble burg. Off you go.

J.T.: You know, I would love to see the look on people's faces when they realize I took the blackmail money they gave me to keep their secrets secret, then double-crossed them by giving this tell-all rag a memory drive with all their secrets on it. Yikes. Oh, well, once all the dirt I dug up gets into print, I can bury just about everybody in Harmony.

Rebecca: No, J.T., you can't. Ah!

Rebecca: J.T., I need that memory drive.

Sheridan: Why don't we take turns opening our gifts and see what Santa brought us.

James: Yay!

Chris: I think I'm going to get my camera. I want pictures of all the family celebrations.

Sheridan: I'll get it. I know where it is.

Chris: Sure.

Sheridan: Ok.

Chris: Come on over here, son.

Sheridan: Say cheese.

Luis: Marty, look at Mommy.

Sheridan's voice: I love Chris and James, but I miss Marty and Luis so much.

Luis: Hey, how's Fancy doing, doctor?

Doctor: Any time a patient emerges from a coma is cause for celebration. The fact that Ms. Crane came out of hers so quickly is nothing less than miraculous.

Luis: Yeah, well, what can I do for her?

Doctor: Keep it light, upbeat. Ms. Crane suffered severe physical and psychological trauma. Don't mention the rape, unless she brings it up.

Luis: I won't. It's Christmas, after all. I just want to make her happy.

Doctor: For now, help her try to enjoy the awe and wonder of Christmas.

Luis: Yeah.

Luis: I'm going to find the scum who did this to you, Fancy. And God as my witness, I'm going to make him pay.

Father Lonigan: For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

All: Amen.

Father Lonigan: Who gives this woman to be married?

T.C.: Her mother and I do.

Father Lonigan: Whitney and Chad, have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?

Whitney: Yes, Father, I have.

Chad: Yes, Father, I have.

Father Lonigan: Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join right hands and declare your consent before God and his church.

Luis: Hi. Well, guess what? The doctor says that you are doing great. And you will fill Eve in when she gets back from the wedding.

Fancy: Oh, that's right. Chad and Whitney are getting married tonight. If you leave now, you can still make it.

Luis: I'm already where I need to be.

Fancy: But Chad's my uncle and since I can't make it --

Luis: I'm sure your Uncle Chad will understand.  Besides, it's Christmas. There's nowhere else I would rather be than celebrating right here, with you.

Fancy: Um, Luis, about the stakeout --

Luis: It's Christmas. Remember? Let's not talk about that right now. In fact, let's see what Santa brought you.

Fancy: But I had them bring all your gifts to the mansion.

Luis: Really? Well, that's ok 'cause I already got my Christmas present. I got you, and that is all I need.

Fancy: Yeah, well, even so, Santa doesn't do returns. So, eventually you're going to get what he brought you.

Luis: All right, well, if it keeps Santa from getting his beard all in a twist, then fine, but first things first, ok?

Fancy: Ooh.

Fancy: On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree. It's beautiful.

Luis: Only 11 more to go.

Fancy: You're going to give me all 12 days of Christmas?

Luis: Well, that was the plan until I got to eight maids of milking, then I realized that I needed to make some substitutions.

Fancy: You are so good to me, Luis. Thank you for everything. Especially just being here.

Father Lonigan: Chad, do you take Whitney to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and honor her all the days of your life?

Chad: I do.

Father Lonigan: Whitney, do you take Chad to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?

Whitney: I do.

Ethan: I do.

Father Lonigan: You have declared your consent before the church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you with his blessings. What God has joined, man must not divide --

Fox: I can't wait until it's us up there exchanging our vows.

Kay: It won't be long.

Father Lonigan: Today on this most special of special days, we gather together to celebrate Whitney and Chad as they begin their life together -- an incredible journey that requires trust, love, and understanding. Whitney, are you ready for this journey, forsaking all others for Chad from this day forward?

Whitney: Yes, Father, I am.

Father Lonigan: Chad, are you ready as well?

{Chad: I'm here. Hurry up in there. I can't wait any longer. I need you so much. I need you now. }

Father Lonigan: Chad, are you ready for this journey, forsaking all others for Whitney from this day forward?

Tabitha: Norma, Edna? Oh, maybe my scream sent them packing.

Norma: Now, don't be afraid of the big sharp needle, Endora. I'll just jab it in one side and pull it out the other.

Tabitha: Stop it. Stop it, you fiend. Don't you dare hurt my sweet Endora. Needle me, if you must, but don't you dare jab her with that instrument of torture.

Edna: Wait, what are you screeching about, Tabby cat?

Norma: We were about to string up cranberries and popcorn and string them around the house.

Tabitha: What?

Edna: Yeah. Come on, this place is so dismal, even the Munsters would feel at home in it.

Tabitha: Nice? Norma just tried to kill me, now Edna is insulting me.

Norma: I didn't try to kill you, Tabitha.

Tabitha: When I opened that crate, you popped up like a crazed Jack the Ripper, brandishing an ax.

Norma: Oh, Tabitha, that's so last year. I don't have an ax to grind with you anymore.

Tabitha: You don't?

Norma: Oh, isn't Mommy cute when she's surprised?

Tabitha: And what about you, Edna? You were always Norma's booster for butchering me because my spell to make you young and not so smelly wore off.

Edna: Tabitha, that was then, this is now.

Norma: Hey, we found our true calling.

Tabitha: Yeah, spokespeople for Ripley's Believe It or Not, huh

Norma: No, dear, show business.

Edna: Entertaining ladies who love ladies worldwide.

Norma: Our signature song -- "Lesbian" -- is still number one on the Rainbow Chart. We came to spend Christmas with you and Endora.

Edna: From the looks of this dump, boy, it's a good thing we did.

Tabitha: What dump?

Edna: Oh, come on, Tabs, believe me, you're giving scrooge a run for his money.

Tabitha: Don't compare me with your old boyfriends. The fact of the matter is, we don't celebrate Christmas around here.

Norma: Oh, right. What, with you being a witch and all --

Tabitha: Precisely --

Edna: But Endora loves Christmas.

Tabitha: Shh. Ooh, quiet, you don't want the boys in the basement to hear you.

Edna: Even so, it's not fair to deny this sweet child Chri -- c-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s. Look here, if you do, she could grow up to be like Beth.

Tabitha: I suppose Endora and I could host a holiday celebration as long as we don't call it what it is.

Norma: Whatever, just conjure up some holiday chow for us.

Edna: Please?

Norma: Please, we're starving.

Tabitha: Well, I suppose there's no harm in that, is there, huh? Well, the first thing we have to do is conjure up a well-appointed table.

Norma: Ooh.

Tabitha: Will you do the honors, sweet pea, huh?

Norma: You know, Edna, I have a feeling this is going to be a Christmas we never forget.

Edna: Oh, ain't that the truth?

J.T.: Rebecca, you're supposed to be waiting for me back at the hotel.

Rebecca: Yeah, well, thank goodness I didn't. You can't put the flash drive into the tabloid office. Then everyone will know that Gwen and I outed Ethan as a Bennett to the tabloid.

J.T.: Mm-hmm, your point?

Rebecca: We paid you a fortune so you'd keep our secret.

J.T.: So did everyone else I'm blackmailing.

Rebecca: J.T., how could you betray us -- all your victims that way?

J.T.: I'm a cad with no conscience.

Rebecca: Ok, now that we're clear on that, will you please help me up?

J.T.: Of course.

Rebecca: You bitch!

J.T.: Ow!

Rebecca: I am going to kill you for that!

J.T.: Will you watch the hair? I just combed it out.

Rebecca: I've gonna rip it out and feed it to you.

J.T.: I've got to get out of town before the dirt I've dug up ends up in print. When people realize I stole their money and still exposed them, I'm gonna be stiff, and not the good kind. Oh, my nail.

Norma: Thank you for making our Christmas wish come true, Endora.

Edna: It means so much since Norma and I have lost our loved ones.

Norma: Daddy.

Edna: Precious.

Tabitha: And my Timmy, my precious Timmy.

Tabitha: I'll miss you, Timmy. Life goes on without you, but it will never be the same.

Edna: Tabitha, you ok, hon?

Tabitha: Memories -- memories of wonderful things, Edna -- wonderful things.

Edna: Endora wanted me to tell you that dinner was ready.

Tabitha: Oh, thank you, dear. Actually, I'm quite hungry.

Tabitha: Well, where's Norma?

Norma: Who wants a leg?

Chris: Here you go, son.

James: It's from Daddy and me.

Sheridan: Well, then it must be extra special.

Sheridan: Ooh. Oh, it's beautiful.

Chris: Well, I thought we'd start another family tradition, an ornament for every Christmas we spend together from now on.

Sheridan: I love that idea. Thank you. You're going to help us hang it on the tree?

James: Yes.

Sheridan: Ok, come on.

Chris: Come on, pick a spot, son.

Sheridan: It has to be the perfect spot. Here you go.

James: Right here.

Sheridan: Well, that is perfect. You want to get a picture of us?

Chris: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Sheridan: Come right here.

Chris: All right, guys, get ready. Here we go. Ready? All right.

Chris: Ready? Three, two, one.

All: Merry Christmas.

Fancy: Thank you for all my gifts, Luis. You know, not many men have the stamina to pick out 12 presents.

Luis: I paced myself.

Fancy: Hmm, I especially love this one.

Luis: Yeah, I got you the one with just snow so you could imagine us riding in sleighs -- snuggled under our blanket together on our way to have some hot chocolate by the fire.

Nurse: Mr. Lopez-Fitzgerald, it's here.

Luis: Thank you, nurse.

Fancy: It?

Luis: Be right back.

Luis: Christmas dinner is served.

Fancy: Luis, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble.

Luis: What trouble? I enjoyed doing this.

Luis: Now, to our first Christmas together.

Singer: Of a white Christmas

Luis: Mm, I almost forgot.

Singer: Just like the ones I used to know

Luis: Santa delivered your stocking out there. I ran into him and he said -- "Luis, my boy, please give this to your lady-friend, Fancy, ho, ho, ho."

Fancy: Lady friend?

Luis: Well, Santa's old-fashioned, come on. See what's inside.

Singer: I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Fancy: Luis, two tickets for a romantic tropical getaway?

Luis: Wow! Santa knew that I wanted to take you some place special. We don't have to go until you're ready.

Fancy: Um, Luis, we have to talk about, you know, what happened to me.

Luis: I know, I know, we will. Not now, ok? It's Christmas.

Singers: Just like the ones

Father Lonigan: Chad, are you ready to forsake all others for Whitney from this day forward?

Chad: Yes, Father, I am.

Rebecca: I've got to find Gwen.

Gwen: Where have you been?

Rebecca: With J.T. Who else?

Gwen: Did you convince him not to give Ethan the dirt on Jared?

Rebecca: Not exactly.

Gwen: What? What do you mean?

Rebecca: Honey, there is trouble brewing. Big trouble.

Gwen: Tell me what.

Father Lonigan: Before Chad and Whitney exchange rings, if there is anyone here who knows any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Gwen: No!

Chris: Well, young man, I think it's time you get ready for bed.

James: No!

Sheridan: It's ok. Remember you've got to brush your teeth, say your prayers, and then go to sleep, because that is the only way for the sugarplum fairies to come dance in your head.

James: Ok.

Chris: What, was I speaking Greek?

Sheridan: Well --

James: Good night, Mom. I love you.

Sheridan: I love you, too.

Chris: Come on, big guy.

Sheridan: Oh, Marty, I miss you and your daddy so much.

Luis: Is your food cold? I'll heat it up for you.

Fancy: No, Luis, it's fine. I'm just not hungry.

Luis: All right. You know what -- I'll just take it away.

Fancy: I can't do this. Luis has done so much to make me happy. I can't let him see me like this.

Fancy: Ok, I can do this. I can do it. I can be happy for Luis' sake.

Chad's voice: Oh, my God. My secret's out.

Ethan: Um, honey, why did you just scream like that? Are you objecting to Chad marrying Whitney or what?

Father Lonigan: What's going on? Who called out?

Gwen: It was me, Father. It was Gwen.

Father Lonigan: Why, my child?

Rebecca: Um -- Gwen saw a mouse. So did I.

Gwen: Yes. I'm sorry, Father.

Rebecca: Yeah, please, do not stop the wedding just because there's vermin in the church. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant the mouse.

Gwen: Yes, Father, please go on. I'm very sorry.

Theresa's voice: Something's up with Gwen and Rebecca, and I think it has to do with J.T.

Father Lonigan: Whitney, Chad, do you have the rings?

Chad: Yes, Father.

Whitney: Yes.

Father Lonigan: May the Lord bless these rings which you give to each other as a sign of your love and fidelity.

Chad: Whitney, will you take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit?

Whitney: Chad, will you take this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit?

Father Lonigan: Father, all powerful and ever living God, we do well always and everywhere to give thanks through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Gwen: Do you know what will happen if J.T. exposes all the information he has on us? God, Ethan will leave me and he will take Jane with him.

Rebecca: I know, that's why I tried to get the memory drive from him. But J.T. out-maneuvered me.

Gwen: J.T. needs to pay for this and pay dearly.

Rebecca: Oh, I could not agree with you more. He cannot get away with this, and trust me, he won't.

Father Lonigan: Is symbolized in the marriage covenant that seals the love of husband and wife and reflects your divine plan of love. And so, with the angels and all the saints in heaven we proclaim your glory and join them in their unending hymn of praise.

Tabitha: Ah! Oh -- oh, no, you don't.

Norma: You want a drumstick that much, go ahead and have it.

Edna: Yeah, Normie and I -- we are not picky eaters. No. No, we're just so happy to have a home-cooked meal after being on the road so much.

Tabitha: Norma, you sure it's just the turkey you intend to carve up?

Norma: What else?

Tabitha: A certain witch comes to mind.

Norma: Oh, Tabs, so silly. I told you those days are over.

Edna: Yes, Norma and I -- we have an image to protect now. Our legions of lesbian fans demand it.

Norma: Now calm down and enjoy your dinner.

Edna: Yes. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Maybe afterwards we can do a little ditty from our show. A medley of the greatest lesbian holiday hits.

Norma: "Oh, Come All Ye flanneled." "Santa Claus is Coming to Provincetown."

Tabitha: Please, girls, please, relax and enjoy your well-earned holiday. Don't feel you have to sing for your supper.

Edna: Well, then, a toast -- to Tabitha and Endora, two of the best witches these two whack-jobs could have for friends.

Norma: Here, here.

Tabitha: Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.

J.T.: No one will suspect that a filthy-rich blackmailer such as myself would leave town on a bus. I just hope it's on time. I need to be long gone before everyone's secrets are exposed in that special tell-all edition of the tabloid. The fallout of which will be nothing short of nuclear.

Ethan: You and your mother outed me as a Bennett. Our marriage is over.

Gwen: No. No, no, no.

Rebecca: You can't divorce Gwen. J.T. took all our money. Who's going to support us?

Ethan: Well, you can always charge instead of giving it up for free!

Rebecca: Oh!

Whitney: How dare you cheat on me, Chad?

Chad: Whitney, it was just sex. It's you I love.

Whitney: You're a two-timing pig, Chad. Just get out, get out!

Theresa: Ethan was right. You were just using me.

Jared: Don't -- don't jump to conclusions.

Theresa: You know what, shut up, Jared! Little Ethan and I never want to see you again.

Ethan: You knew all this time, and you never told me that Little Ethan was my son?

Theresa: No, I had good reason not to.

Ethan: I don't -- I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see you again.

Theresa: No, Ethan, wait -- wait!

J.T.: And that is just for starters. There are so many more secrets on that flash drive, so many more lives that will be trashed by the truth.

Tabitha: And so I said to Marie Antoinette, "The peasants are revolting." And she said -- "Oh, you have seen them, too?"

Edna: You tell some great stories there, girl.

Tabitha: Well, it's easy when you've got 10,000 years of mortal mistakes to draw on.

Norma: I'm glad I never chopped you up.

Tabitha: Oh, that makes two of us. You know, you're really quite pleasant when you're not chasing after me with an ax.

Norma: No one's ever called me pleasant before. Thank you, Tabitha.

Edna: Oh, you two got to stop with all this heartfelt emotion or I'll be blubbering like a baby.

Norma: So? You're already diapered up like one.

Tabitha: You know, girls -- you know, girls, I think we've created a new holiday tradition. Instead of you trying to kill me around this time of year, we'll all get together and enjoy each other's company this time of year, huh?

Norma: But then you'd know what to expect.

Tabitha: Your point being?

Norma: Well, I like keeping you on your toes. I mean, this year we bonded and it was nice, but next year, who knows? Right, Daddy? We don't want Tabby getting complacent, do we? Not on her life, buttercup!

Tabitha: Oh, you're such a pistol, Norma.

Norma: Ax is more like it.

Tabitha: Well, here's to next year. Cheers! Cheers, Endora.

Chris: James is waiting for you to tuck him in.

Chris: Hey, Merry Christmas, my love. You know, each day with you is such a gift for me and James. You've made us so happy.

Sheridan: You and James make me happy, too.

Chris: Now and for the rest of our lives.

Sheridan's voice: The rest of my life without Luis.

Fancy: Thanks again for everything, Luis. The tree and all the gifts, dinner -- it was all wonderful.

Luis: I just wish I could do more.

Fancy: Well, don't worry so much. This is perfect.

Luis: You're perfect.

Fancy: Yeah, right.

Luis: I mean it. You are perfect.

Fancy: So are you.

Luis: You must be exhausted.

Fancy: Yeah. It's been a long day.

Luis: Yeah. So why don't you get some rest, ok?

Luis: All right?

[Soft music plays] Singer: Silent night

Luis: I love you, Fancy. Everything's going to be ok.

Singer: Holy night all is calm all is bright

Father Lonigan: May Jesus always fill your hearts with love. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Chad, you may kiss Whitney, your bride.

[Music plays]

[Cheers and applause]

[Horn honks]

J.T.: Ooh, that's my bus. Good-bye, Harmony. Wish I could stick around to see the look on everyone's faces when their secrets are exposed in black and white. On second thought, it's a good thing I'll be long gone, because if I stuck around -- boom!

J.T.: Oh, excuse me, Santa. I believe that's my bus. I said move it, fatso. I've got to get my ride. What kind of freak dresses up just like that just to make a buck?

On the Next Passions:

Theresa: Mr. and Mrs. Chad Harris Crane.

Norma: A bloody Merry Christmas.

Back to The TV MegaSite's Passions Site

Try today's short recap or detailed update!

[an error occurred while processing this directive]

Main Navigation within The TV MegaSite:

Home | Daytime Soaps | Primetime TV | Soap MegaLinks | Trading