Friday 9/1/06--Canada; Monday 9/4/06--USA
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Provided By Glynis
Proofread by Jodi
Eve: Hello? I was paged up here. Is anyone here? Hello?
Julian: I paged you.
Eve: Julian, what on earth--?
Eve: Julian, it's lovely.
Julian: Well, things have not been--have not been good between us for quite some time and it's my fualt. I miss you. I want to make it right again. I thought perhaps a romantic interlude this evening with just the two of us .
Eve: Oh, Julian. This is just what we needed. Can you feel it?
Julian: Feel what?
Eve: Romance, it's in the very air.
Jessica: Leave me alone!
Tony: You're playing hard to get? Give me a break. You want me to get rough? I heard that about you.
Jessica: Ow! No, stop!
Tony: You're not going anywhere, you little whore!
Chris: We should go.
Luis: What was that?
Fancy: I don't know.
Luis: Well, we can't be too careful after everything that's happened on this estate. I'm going to check it out.
Tabitha: Oh, this is a disaster. I hate being sick.
Tabitha: Another symptom. Oh, those lucky humans. When they get a virus, they simply throw up. We witches literally go up and up and up. Oh, listen to me. Even my lovely voice has changed.
Siren: What the hell do you have on?
Tabitha: Oh, the queen bee of the hive in the park asked me to tea. Lovely creature, but you can't be too careful, you know.
Siren: Tea? At this hour? Let me look at you. Neptune's barnacles, you look disgusting. You have the witches' virus.
Tabitha: All right, yes. I have it and it's all your fault.
Siren: Why is it my fault?
Tabitha: Witches come down with this dreaded disease when they're overwhelmed with tension and drama. Who do you think is responsible for the drama around here lately?
Tabitha: Nonsense. Kay is merely cleaning up your mess.
Siren: Kay can't do anything to me.
Tabitha: Oh, really? She's already completed the first two parts of the spell to break the mermaid's curse.
Siren: Well, she'll never manage the third. No one ever has.
Tabitha: Care to wager on that? At this very moment, Kay and Miguel are in the throes of passion, and Fox is about to walk in on them. When he sees Miguel kissing his fiancée, he'll be mad enough to kill, and the third part of the spell will be complete.
Tabitha: What's that? Is that a bell about to ring? Do I hear the sound of Kay's spell working?
Tabitha: Once Kay's spell is complete, not only will Fox be cured of your curse, but you'll never be able to seduce another human male again. Ha, you're finished.
Tabitha: Oh, oh.
Ethan: Gwen left the door open.
Ethan: She's already in bed.
Ethan: I had too much to drink tonight, honey.
Ethan: Oh, God.
Theresa's voice: Jared.
Ethan: Hi. That's nice.
Ethan: You are so beautiful.
Theresa: Oh, my God.
Siren: What is so funny?
Tabitha: You are.
Siren: Come down from there.
Tabitha: I can't. It's the virus.
Siren: Well, go see Dr. Bombay or whatever it is you landlubber dark-siders do nowadays to cure yourselves.
Tabitha: Not until Kay has completed the spell. Then it will be safe to leave you here -- for a spell, a spell. Did you hear Mommy's funny, Endora? Can you believe it? A mere mortal is about to be the first one in history to break the mermaid's curse. Ha ha.
Siren: Poor, poor Fox. When he finds Kay and Miguel together, he will be devastated.
Siren: I know, it's tragic. Poor Fox may never recover from this moment.
Tabitha: Since when do mermaids give two shakes of a fishy tail about their victims? You're too late, my dear. The third part of the spell is almost complete. Just watch.
Fox: Oh, my God.
Tabitha: At last, the mermaid's curse has been lifted. Endora, darling, I can get ready to leave to be cured of this accursed virus.
Fancy: Hey, wait for me.
Luis: Shh. You stay here, ok? I don't want you getting hurt.
Fancy: I'm training to be a cop, remember? I can handle it.
Luis: All right, fine. Just keep it down.
Fancy: It's dark.
Luis: Yeah, that's what happens when the sun goes down. Now zip it.
Fancy: I don't see anyone.
Luis: I do. Freeze! Get your hands up, right there. Come on.
Sheridan: Don't shoot.
Eve: Oh, Julian, this is magic.
Julian: I've been such a fool. I mean, I'm so tired of arguing with you. I wanted to show you how much I love you.
Eve: You don't have to show me. I know it.
Julian: And those things that you heard me say to Fox at the fair --
Eve: No, no, let's not talk about that. Suffice it to say that I know that the man that I love would never revert to that despicable creature that I loathed all those years.
Julian: Well, it's just --
Eve: And this distance between us -- it's my fault, too, because I've been so worried about T.C.
Julian: Well, of course you have, and I totally understand.
Eve: Do you?
Julian Well, yes. I mean, watching you spend every free moment of your time with your former husband doesn't exactly thrill me, but I'll put up with it.
Eve: You don't know how it makes me feel to hear you say that.
Tony: This is mine, too.
Jessica: No, not my bracelet! My husband just gave that to me!
Tony: Oh, your husband. What a joke.
Jessica: No, please, just leave me alone. I don't do this anymore.
Tony: Not a chance. I want what's coming to me, and I want it all night long. Let go
Jessica: Oh, Paloma, thank God! Help!
Tony: Hey, you two girls work as a team?
Paloma: I said let her go!
Tony: Or what? You're going to hit me with your purse?
Paloma: If you don't let her go, you'll find out.
Tony: Get lost, honey. This girl's nothing but trouble. She's a hooker.
Tony: And she's mine for the --
Paloma: I said --
Tony: Get lost, squirt!
Jessica: Paloma. Oh, my God.
Tony: That's it, bitch. Now you're going to get hurt.
Julian: So that little girl in the southern California desert wasn't the only royal to be born on the wrong side of the blanket. Evidently, I know for a fact that Prince Phillip --
Eve: Oh, shoot. I'm sorry, honey. I am on call.
Julian: Of course.
Eve: Dr. Russell. No. No, nurse. No, don't listen to him. You have to stay there with him, he needs you. Well, I don't care what he says, you listen to me. Is that clear? Ok. Good night then. T.C.'s nurse. He blew up at her and then he threw her out of the house.
Julian: Oh, not again.
Eve: I told her to go back. He can't stay there alone.
Julian: He's acting like a child.
Eve: Well, he's hurt, Julian. Not being able to take care of himself is a huge blow to his pride.
Julian: I know.
Eve: I'm sorry that it came into our evening.
Julian:: Don't -- stop -- don't be absurd. I'm in love with a doctor. I have to accept the consequences. So, anyway, the story goes that the prince actually got called to Argentina by --
Eve: I'm sorry, baby. Dr. Russell. Nurse, plea -- I know that my hu -- that my ex-husband's a difficult patient. Can you hold on for a minute? Honey, can I just -- it's just going to take a minute. Will you excuse me?
Julian Oh, certainly, go ahead, go ahead.
Jessica: Paloma! Paloma -- no, stop it!
Tony: Come here.
Jessica: Roberto, help her!
Roberto: You just attacked a woman! Eres un puerco asqueroso! You know what I should do? I should kill you right now!
Paloma: No, no, no.
Roberto: No, no podemos matarlo. We have to arrest him. Help me hold him.
Roberto: Ok. Seriously, Paloma, you're getting very good at this police job.
Jessica: Hey, the power is coming back on.
Tony: I'm out of here.
Paloma: Ah! Don't let him get away!
Roberto: Too late. He's gone.
Paloma: Well, call 911! We have to arrest him.
Jessica: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No police.
Paloma: Why not? What -- he attacked you. He hurt you.
Jessica: No, please, just don't call the police, ok?
Roberto: Why not?
Jessica: Because then even more people will know.
Paloma: Know what?
Jessica: That I'm a hooker, a whore. That's why that pig grabbed me. He knew. He knew I was a hooker and thought he could do anything he wanted. Just like those college guys at the Lobster Shack.
Paloma: Jess. Jess, that's all over.
Jessica: No, it's not. Maybe everybody's right about me. Maybe I'll always be a whore.
Tabitha: Did you see that? Fox has seen Kay and Miguel together. All Fox has to do is to get angry and jealous enough to kill Miguel and we'll hear that magic bell go ding-ling-a-ling. The mermaid's curse will be broken. Then I'll wipe Miguel's memory of Kay's seduction from his brain, and I can be on my way to get rid of this disgusting virus.
Siren: Not so fast.
Siren: Fox hasn't seen anything. Take a look.
Fox: This is impossible.
Tabitha: What happened? Where did Fox go?
Tabitha: Fox, what are you doing down here?
Fox: I don't know, Tabitha. I was just walking to my room one second, and then the next minute I'm just falling down a black tunnel. What's happening to me? Am I losing my mind?
Endora: Mermaid, mermaid.
Tabitha: No, dear, but if you did, I wouldn't blame you.
Luis: Sheridan, Chris, I am so sorry.
Sheridan: You caught me with a loaded weapon, Luis. You might want to be careful with that thing. You wouldn't want it to go off.
Luis: Yeah, you're right. Actually, there have been a few too many shootings at the mansion lately, huh?
Fancy: I'm sorry. We heard a noise. We thought the burglar might be back.
Sheridan: We came up to go for a swim, and when we saw you guys, we didn't want to interrupt.
Luis: Oh. You saw us?
Fancy: Well, no harm done. You two go back to --
Luis: You weren't interrupting, though. Care to join us?
Luis: Yeah. The water's fantastic, we've got food.
Chris: I'm sure you guys don't want us to --
Sheridan: You sure you don't mind?
Luis: I don't mind. Right, Fancy?
Fancy: Uh, of course. Yeah -- yeah, join us.
Sheridan: Thank you. I've been looking forward to a swim.
Fancy: We'll get some more ice for that.
Sheridan: Looks like you and Luis are getting closer.
Fancy: Yes. He is amazing, Aunt Sheridan. It's love -- I am head over heels.
Sheridan: Is Luis head over heels in love with you?
Chris: Maybe this isn't the best time to bring it up, but I want you to know I'm aware that you did a background check on me.
Luis: Oh, right. Well, if you're looking for an apology, you're not going to get one. See, I'm a cop and that's my job. And I need to find out who shot you and who robbed the mansion and who shot my mother.
Chris: So what does that mean? You really think I'm involved in this?
Luis: Are you?
Theresa: Oh, no. No.
Ethan: No way. Theresa.
Ethan: I thought you were --
Theresa: I thought you were, too. Oh, my God, what have we done? Oh, my God.
Fox: What's wrong with me? Should I call a doctor?
Tabitha: Don't be absurd, Fox. I know exactly what's wrong with you. You're tired, you've been working too hard, and you simply opened the door to the laundry chute instead of the door to Kay's bedroom. It could happen to anyone.
Fox: Laundry chute? I don't remember you having a laundry chute, Tabitha.
Tabitha: Oh, we've had one forever. This house has every laborsaving device you can think of.
Fox: It's weird. It wasn't like a -- it wasn't like a chute. It was like this black tunnel that -- you know, like what you see on the Sci-Fi channel.
Tabitha: Stick to NBC, young man. Maybe you hit your head. You should get some fresh air. It will do you good. And you could hose off while you're at it.
Fox: What? Oh, right. Your voice is sounding really bad. You don't even sound like yourself.
Tabitha: Alas, I don't feel like myself. These summer colds --
Fox: Why are you still wearing the beekeeper's outfit?
Tabitha: Mere vanity. I got stung while taking down the hornet's nest. I look dreadful.
Fox: We always think you look great, Tabitha.
Tabitha: Why, thank you, kind sir.
Fox: I'm going to go shower off.
Tabitha: You malicious mermaid. You played my daughter for a chump.
Tabitha: All that talk about Fox being hurt. You know she loves Fox and would do anything to protect him from seeing Kay and Miguel.
Siren: And it worked. All's fair in war and war.
Tabitha: Oh, Endora, how could you? We don't have a laundry chute.
Tabitha: Yes, a black hole that leads down to our friends in the basement. We're lucky Fox made it back up here with his head.
Siren: Thanks, Endora. Now Kay will never finish the third part of that spell.
Tabitha: Oh, really?
Tabitha: Endora, my darling, darling demonette, listen to me. You may be too young to understand, but trust me. Yes, we have to hurt Fox a little tonight to make him happy. He has to see Kay and Miguel being silly so that Kay can break the mermaid's curse. Then Fox will be free forever. He'll be happy. Until we break the mermaid's curse, he'll always be miserable with Auntie Kay.
Tabitha: It won't hurt much, Endora, just a smidge.
Tabitha: It's temporary. Please, he has to see Kay and Miguel together.
Tabitha: Oh, what am I going to do with you?
Siren: Give it up, witch. Kay is out of time. Fox and Miguel will be mine. And next door, there's Noah and Sam -- hell, I could sing my song to the whole town.
Jessica: I'm a whore, nothing but a whore. I'd rather be dead.
Paloma: No, no, don't say that.
Jessica: But it's true.
Paloma: Jessica, listen to me. You're not a whore. You're good and caring and loving.
Roberto: That's right.
Paloma: You're my friend and I care about you. You feel bad about yourself because the way you've been treated. But it wasn't your fault. You were forced.
Paloma: What do you mean, no? Of course you were. You're all messed up, Jessica. And we all know whose fault it is -- Spike's.
Jessica: Don't talk about my husband like that.
Paloma: Jessica, Jessica, wake up. In Rome you learned what he's really like. He's keeping you down. He's destroying your self-esteem. You have to leave him, Jess. You have to get free of him. You deserve so much better.
Jessica: No. You're wrong. You're all wrong. Yes, he's done some bad things. But he loves me. He's the only one who loves me.
Roberto: Wait, you don't mean that, Jessica. Don't you remember that night that I needed to buy you from him just to take you home for Christmas?
Jessica: He's changed. Spike loves me. He needs me, and I need him.
Sheridan: Fancy, is -- I'm sorry, it's none of my business.
Fancy: No, no, it's all right. And no, I don't think Luis is in love with me -- yet.
Fancy: Well, the only thing standing in our way is this ridiculous rule that a police officer can't date a cadet.
Fancy: Mm-hmm. But I have figured out a way around that tonight. And I have some other ideas to get around it for tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that --
Sheridan: Well, don't rush things, Fancy.
Fancy: Aunt Sheridan, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's to attract a man. Luis is way past liking me, and he's on his way to loving me. Just wait. Soon he will be mine.
Luis: So let me ask you this straight out. Were you involved in the burglary at the mansion where my mother was shot?
Chris: Don't be absurd. I don't even have the security codes to the mansion. I've never needed them. How can you even ask me a question like that?
Luis: How? Well, Sheridan asked me to find out who shot you, and then the mansion was burglarized and my mother got hurt. Nobody hurts my mother and gets away with it. Now, I guarantee you I will get to the bottom of this. And I'm sorry if you were offended by me asking you a few simple questions.
Chris: I'm going to go see if Sheridan wants to swim.
Luis: All right.
Luis: I smell a rat. A six-foot rat.
Theresa: Oh, God. Oh, God. No, no, no, this -- no, this couldn't have happened, Ethan.
Ethan: Yeah, Theresa, this happened.
Theresa: Oh -- no.
Ethan: What are you doing in here, by the way?
Theresa: This is my room.
Ethan: No, this is not your room. This is my room with Gwen. This is 538.
Theresa: No, this is 438, Ethan. This is 438.
Ethan: Oh, God. The power went out -- the power went out. I must have climbed the stairs and counted the floors wrong.
Theresa: How could you have done something so stupid?
Ethan: I don't know. I had a lot to drink tonight, Theresa, and it was really dark. I really thought that you were Gwen.
Theresa: No. No, no, you cannot say that. Not this time, Ethan, because I wasn't wearing a blond wig, ok? You can't tell me that you didn't know it was me.
Ethan: You didn't know it was me either, did you?
Theresa: No, I didn't.
Theresa: Fine. Ok, fine. Ok, I thought you were Jared, all right? Fine, it was dark. And, ok, I had too much to drink, ok? Oh, my God. Ethan, why did this have to happen? I want to move on.
Ethan: Hey, I didn't plan this either, all right? I mean, it was dark. We were confused, I guess.
Theresa: No, this is a disaster.
Ethan: It didn't feel like a disaster. It felt pretty good, Theresa.
Theresa: Look, don't -- don't say that.
Ethan: Come on, it's true. You know it's -- you -- come on.
Theresa: No, it shouldn't have happened.
Ethan: Maybe it was meant to happen.
Ethan: Theresa, you and me -- you've always talked about how much fate wants us to be together. Maybe lady fortune just spun her little wheel and made me stumble right into this room. Maybe fate meant for us to think that we were Gwen and Jared.
Theresa: Ethan, no.
Ethan: We made love tonight, Theresa, and I loved it. And you loved it, too, and I don't think there's any denying it.
Julian: Don't touch that. We're not finished with our appetizers.
Man: I'm sorry, sir. The next course --
Julian: Leave them alone, you idiot, and leave!
Eve: Julian, what's wrong with you? You almost took that poor guy's head off.
Julian: You're what's wrong with me.
Tabitha: My merry, merry munchkinette, listen to me. Fox needs to see Kay and Miguel together.
Siren: That will destroy him.
Tabitha: Don't listen to her, sweetheart. She's evil. Not fun evil like Mommy. Evil evil, selfish evil. She leaves nothing but pain and heartache in her wake.
Siren: Well, my work here is done. I think I'll go do my nails, now that I'm safe. Ooh, and I'd go see that witch doctor if I were you. Purple green, not your colors. And if you don't get cured soon, the serious symptoms could kick in. You won't be able to hide those. They'll be burning a monster on the village green before you know it.
Tabitha: Oh, no. Kay is up there with Miguel right now for nothing.
Miguel: I love you.
Kay's voice: What is taking Fox so long?
Tabitha: Fox isn't coming, Kay. Naughty Endora won't let him up there. We'll never break the mermaid's curse.
Tabitha: Oh! Dragon's boils, here we go again.
Kay: Oh, oh!
Kay's voice: Oh, my God. Where's Fox?
Fancy: Well, who's ready for another dip?
Sheridan: We should probably get going.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah, let's go to bed.
Fancy: Luis, how about you?
Luis: Oh, I'm in. Good night, you guys.
Sheridan: Good night.
Fancy: It's almost too warm.
Luis: It feels good to me.
Fancy: Stop it.
Sheridan: Yeah, let's go.
Theresa: You can't say those things to me.
Ethan: I have to say these things, because I always fought against us for a reason. I used to think you were crazy, you know, and now I'm not so sure about it. mean this.
Ethan: Yeah, I totally mean this. I mean, maybe God himself always puts us in each other's --
Theresa: No! No, no, god, no, no God. Ok? This was a mistake. It was dark, we had too much to drink, and we were confused. Now you need to listen to me, ok? You just forget everything that happened here tonight.
Ethan: I can't do it.
Theresa: Well you have to do it, ok? No one can know what happened here, do you understand me? No one.
Ethan: Because this is typically the kind of thing that you would want Gwen to find out about. You would use this to torture her and hope that she would walk away from me.
Theresa: What do I have to say to get through to you, Ethan? You're like this addiction for me, Ethan, and I'm trying to fight it.
Ethan: Pretty big slip-up, huh?
Theresa: No. No, no, no. This is not funny, ok? We are over, ok? is -- it is gone, it is dead. I'm falling in love with somebody else.
Ethan: With Jared, right?
Theresa: Yes, yes! With Jared. What is wrong with Jared? And don't tell me you got this funny feeling about him Ethan, ok? Oh my God, he could be back at any minute.
Ethan: Yeah, I know, and Gwen's expecting me. She's probably looking for me,
Theresa: You've got to get out of here before he gets back. Go! No one can find out about this, Ethan.
Eve: You just said that you loved me.
Julian: I do love you, but this damn business with T.C.
Eve: You just said that you understood.
Julian: I do understand, but I can understand and not like it, can't I? You can't stop checking on the man for one moment, let alone one evening.
Eve: What do you want me to do, Julian? He's had a stroke. He can't take care of himself.
Julian: Well, I'll tell you, that's what the nurses are for. That's what I'm paying for.
Eve: Don't throw that in my face, ok? Now, he won't let them do their jobs. The only person he'll let help him is me, and he throws me out half the time.
Julian: That is T.C.'s choice. He's stubborn and pigheaded like he's always been. You can't do anything about that.
Eve: Yes, but it doesn't stop me from worrying about him.
Julian: Worrying about him? You're obsessed with him. You put his welfare above everything else in your life -- your job, your children, me. All I wanted was a pleasant, romantic evening with the woman I love -- my fiancée -- but you can't stop talking on the damn phone every damn minute to your damn ex-husband. Enough is enough!
Eve: You know what, Julian? You're absolutely right. Enough is enough. I'm leaving.
Julian: Go ahead then. Get out.
Julian: Damn it!
Jessica: I can't talk about this.
Paloma: No, you have to. I don't know what he told you to get you to marry him, but I know you hated him when we were in Rome. He almost killed you, Jessica.
Jessica: I know --
Paloma: Jessica, I'm worried about you. We all are.
Jessica: Yes, he maybe married me for the wrong reasons, but he's changed. He loves me. He's different now. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Spike would never do anything to hurt me.
Paloma: You're out of your mind.
Jessica: Maybe. But maybe that's what love means. You know, I'd better get back inside. Spike must be worried about me.
Roberto: Yeah, right.
Jessica: Oh, and my tennis bracelet is gone. Spike gave it to me. What is he going to say? He'll be so angry.
Paloma: Jessica -- we have to help her.
Roberto: How, Paloma? I mean, you heard her. She believes Spike loves her, even when she knows he's the biggest liar in North America. You know what? I don't think you will get through to her. I don't think so.
Paloma: Roberto, she's my friend. I have to try.
Tabitha: Shouldn't you be going to check on Kay? She's probably wondering what happened to you.
Fox: Yeah, I guess I did forget her ice cream.
Tabitha: I'm sure she'd rather see your handsome face. Go on up there, Fox.
Fox: Uh, ok.
Tabitha: We might break the mermaid's curse yet. Then I can cast a spell to erase Miguel's memory.
Kay's voice: Where is Fox?
Miguel: Oh, Kay.
Kay's voice: Oh, who cares?
Luis: I got something more fun than that.
Fancy: Try me.
Sheridan: Oh, wait, I forget the picnic basket. I'll be right back.
Chris: Where's the picnic basket?
Sheridan: Oh, I'll get it later.
Sheridan: Can we go?
Chris: Yeah -- you all right?
Sheridan: Yeah. Of course, I'm fine. Please --
Chris: All right.
Sheridan: Please take me home.
Theresa: Ok. Ok, it's clear. Go. Please get out of here before Jared gets back.
Ethan: Theresa, Gwen's probably roaming the halls looking for me, too. I don't want to hurt her either.
Theresa: Yes, I know. You don't want to hurt her, so you will think of something when you see her. Listen, no one can know what happened, you hear me? It was an accident-- oh, it was a horrible mistake.
Ethan: Really? It wasn't that horrible, was it?
Theresa: Oh, Ethan, please --
Ethan: You've never believed in accidents. You've always believed in fate.
Theresa: Maybe I've grown up.
Theresa: Go, please. Get out of here quickly. I want to find Jared.
Ethan: Wait, I want to go first.
Theresa: Ok, go ahead.
Ethan: Good night.
On the Next Passions:
Luis: You are the girl that every guy dreams about.
Fancy: I am not interested in every guy.
Gwen: Please tell me you weren't with Theresa.
Fox: I'm going to go up there and kill Miguel.
Julian: Wait --
Fox: Dad, No!
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