Passions Transcript Monday 8/28/06--Canada; Tuesday 8/29/06--USA
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Provided By Glynis
Proofread by Jodi
Kay: This is so complicated.
Tabitha: Well, welcome to my world, dear. Fox has got to shoot that arrow right into Siren's keister while she has the tail.
Fox: Ok. Can we take this picture now or what?
Kay: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one -- one -- one second. One second.
Tabitha: Quickly, Kay. Throw some water on her. Make her tail grow back.
Kay: Oh right, and what is Fox going to say when I throw a bucket of water on his archery target?
Tabitha: What is Fox going to say when he sees Siren tied up with her heinie sticking through the target? He's going to realize that he's living with witches. All hell will break loose. Do something, girl. Do it.
Luis: This is what is so damn frustrating about police work. I know that Spike shot my mother and Chris and is guilty of that nightclub shooting that happened in his club months ago, but there is nothing that I can do to prove it yet. And ballistics says that the same gun was used to fire all three bullets. No doubt the same gun that was stolen right out from under our noses, thanks to you.
Fancy: That wasn't my fault. Do you really think Chris is mixed up in it?
Luis: I don't know. I don't know. What do we really know about the guy?
Fancy: Only what Aunt Sheridan's told us.
Luis: Exactly, and as much as I love her, the woman has always been way too trusting. You know, I think it's time we do a thorough background check on Chris. Then I'm going to sit down, have a little interview with him.
Fancy: I hope you're wrong about him. Aunt Sheridan loves Chris.
Luis: If you want to be a cop, you've got to go with your hunches, ok? I'm telling you there is something not right with that guy. I don't want Sheridan hooked up with some criminal. I'm gonna keep her safe.
Fancy's voice: Oh, Luis. I hope some day you'll be as worried about me as you are about Aunt Sheridan.
Sheridan: This is exciting. You're gonna be working at Crane Industries.
Chris: Now you're sure you don't mind helping me get the job?
Sheridan: No, no, of course not. It's only right I help. You're one of the family now. Let me go print out your resume.
Chris' voice: One of the family. Soon as I get the job in Crane accounting, I'll be forced to start embezzling funds Spike or he'll reveal my past. I'm sorry, Sheridan. If you knew why I wanted the job, you'd hate me forever.
Jared: One more shot. That's 21, man.
Chad: You're in a good mood.
Jared: I am in a great mood. The new job at Crane Industries is incredible. Theresa's perfect, man. She's a great manager. She's just so comfortable in her own skin that she let's me do what I'm best at, you know? I don't have to feel threatened.
Chad: Yeah, she's really growing into her job.
Jared: And I know, uh, I know it sounds a little crazy, but, uh, I think I might have found the woman I want to settle down with -- spend the rest of my life with. You know? Theresa Crane.
Jared: That's 21.
Theresa: What -- what was that?
Ethan: Sorry. Uh, sorry.
Theresa: You're sorry? What the hell's going on here?
Ethan: I'm sorry. -- I - I lost control. It was wrong for me to do that.
Theresa: You've been telling me for years that I need to move on, to find another man. Now that I have, you -- you do this? Ethan, you've got to let me go.
Tabitha: Quickly, Kay, do something before Fox sees.
Kay: But --
Fox: Ok, can we take this picture? You know, these wings are starting to scratch me.
Kay: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just one more thing.
Fox: Wow, what was that for?
Kay: Oh, just a thank-you to my cupid. If you're good, I'll wear the costume for you later.
Kay: Look, honey, you're improving. You hit a bull's-eye.
Fox: Uh, thanks, uh. What -- what was that for?
Kay: What? The water?
Fox: Yes, yes, the water that you just threw all over the target.
Kay: Um, it looked great, didn't it? I was -- I was copying an effect that they're using in car commercials.
Kay: You know, they always make the streets look wet because it looks cool? It looked great. It looked really cool.
Fox: What, Kay? That's ridiculous. I mean, you just throw water all over Tabitha's floor without even asking her first?
Tabitha: Oh, a little water never hurt anything.
Fox: Did you get the shot? I'd like to take off this little miniskirt.
Kay: Yep, you're all done. Thank you. You've been such a good sport. The calendar is gonna look great.
Fox: Oh, I'm so happy. I'm gonna go change.
Kay: Oh, the last ingredient for the first phase of the spell. Let's hope it works. Ok, double double, toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Tabitha: Ok, Kay. Come on, enough with the theatrics.
Siren: It won't work, Kay! You'll never manage all three parts of that spell. It's too hard.
Kay: Oh, yes I will. I will break that damn curse. Is something supposed to happen now?
Tabitha: Well, I don't know, I've never tried this spell before.
Tabitha: Oh, nothing's happening.
Kay: Yeah, I can see that. The first part of the spell is a failure. I'm never going to be able to make love to Fox again.
Tabitha: Oh, dear.
Luis: Ok, first things first. This here -- the safety. Should always be on, ok? You see that?
Luis: Can't pull the trigger when it's on. Ok?
Luis: Now, this here is your clip. That's how it loads. Give it a try.
Luis: All righty. Now, as a policeman, drawing your gun should be the last thing that you ever consider, but I need you to feel comfortable with it, should the need arise. Ok?
Luis: All right, let's get started.
Luis: All right. Now, this -- standard position for firing a handgun.
Fancy: Two bull's-eyes. Huh.
Luis: I've been at it a long time. All right, you try.
Luis: No, no, no, no. Like this.
Fancy: Yeah, I feel like Dirty Harry.
Luis: Ok, well, we don't need cops like Dirty Harry on the force, ok? All right, take off the safety.
Luis: Fire at will.
Fancy: Oh, I missed the target altogether.
Luis: Yeah, you did. All right, not to worry. What you have to do is adjust your position. You're ready for kickback. Ok? Feel the difference?
Fancy: Yeah, it's much more comfortable.
Luis: Yeah. Yeah, ok. Now, your gun has to become part of your arm. Second nature. Now, you decide upon an acceptable target --
Fancy: And shoot.
Luis: No. Your mind slows down, becomes much more deliberate than that. Raise your weapon.
Fancy: Like this.
Luis: Yeah, now concentrate on the target. Be one with it.
Fancy: That sounds so Zen.
Luis: Well, it is, kind of. Ok. Now, you've got your target there, not only fixed in your mind but with your body as well?
Fancy: Oh yes.
Luis: Ok, slowly pull the trigger. Very gently now. Gently as a kiss.
Sheridan: Wow, look at you. You look very GQ, very sharp, very business-like.
Chris: You know, it's probably a little much, 'cause I could probably wear a T-shirt and still get this job, thanks to my gorgeous, influential wife.
Sheridan: You know, I don't feel a bit guilty about pulling strings to get you this job because I know you will be an amazing asset to Crane Industries.
Chris: Thank you.
Sheridan: I like this. We'll both be working there. James will be downstairs at daycare. We can have lunch with him every day...yeah. Oh, you need a briefcase. I think that there is an old one of Julian's in the closet. I'll get it.
Chris' voice: I hope Sheridan can't get me the job. Then Spike can't force me to help him.
Sheridan: Anything wrong?
Chris: No, I sent my resume to another firm. Suppose I should tell them to take me out of the running.
Sheridan: Well, then answer. Tell them you're working at Crane. Oh, that reminds me. I've got to call Theresa and schedule that interview. I'm sure it'll just be a formality.
Chris: Why are you calling me? I haven't heard from you since Alistair died. What? Luis is doing a background check on me? No, my whole life will be destroyed.
Ethan: I'm sorry.
Theresa: You're -- you're sorry. Now you -- you have to explain to me. You -- you just kissed me out of nowhere.
Ethan: I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.
Theresa: Ethan, what happened to, "I love Gwen, Theresa. Gwen is my wife. I'm never gonna leave Gwen, Theresa"?
Ethan: I couldn't help it! I look in your eyes and I see the truth is staring right back in my face. And the truth is you're -- you're an incredible woman. You're an incredible woman and I can't help but think what things might have been if we had stayed together.
Ethan: Theresa, we were so close, weren't we? We were this close to just being happy and... and I can't help it. I keep trying to deny how much I love you. I can't do it anymore. And you know that I've loved you for so long and I get around you and I can't help anything that I do and I -- I -- I.
Kay: Wake up, dark side! Come on, I -- I did everything the spell asked for. This has to work.
Siren: I can feel it.
Tabitha: Take cover.
Tabitha: Don't you dare try to attempt violence, now.
Siren: Who, me? Not to worry, Tabitha. I may be a little sore, but it has been hilarious watching you two attempt the most difficult spell of all time, and fail. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go seduce Miguel.
Kay: Wait, something's happening! What was that?
Tabitha: Well, that means that the first part of the spell's worked.
Tabitha: O ho, ho!
Siren: No, it's impossible.
Tabitha: Oh, impossible things happen every day, dear.
Kay: Oh, what's next?
Siren: Give me that!
Kay: Yeah right! I will break that curse if it's the last thing I do.
Siren: It will be.
Kay: Endora! Would you get rid of her so we can work out this spell?
Tabitha: That arrow didn't hurt her. It was just a tickle.
Siren: It was not!
Tabitha: Endora, do something. Fox needs your help now.
Kay: Go away, it's all locked up.
Siren: Let me in!
Tabitha: What a racket. Fox will hear any minute.
Siren: Kay! Kay, get over here. Let me in.
Kay: Endora, I -- I can't think with all this noise. Can you do something please?
Tabitha: Good! Good! Endora's mastered the net of silence. We won't be able to hear Siren as long as we stay in this room.
Kay: Ok, now for the second part of the spell.
Tabitha: Oh, let's hope we can pull this off.
Kay: Oh, we have to. We're Fox's only hope.
Chad: Now, when you say "settle down," do you mean marry?
Jared: Yeah, and I - I know, it sounds crazy. We're not even close to anything like that, you know?
Chad: Yeah, you know, I think you and Theresa make a good couple. But come on, you guys barely know other. And remember, Ethan and Theresa were together for a long time.
Jared: That's not a problem. Ethan's over.
Chad: Yeah, you hope so. I mean, you sure Theresa's ready to put Ethan in her past?
Jared: I think so. Theresa says she is. Ethan's yesterday's news, man. I'm Theresa's future.
Theresa: Oh, damn it, Ethan, what is wrong with you?
Ethan: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Theresa: Yeah, ok. I know you're sorry. We -- we've established that already. But you just kissed me again. I'm the one that loses control here, not you. So you -- you need to tell me where this is coming from.
Ethan: I don't know where it's coming from. Maybe it's cause I -- I spoke to your mother, Theresa.
Theresa: At the hospital?
Ethan: Yes, at the hospital. She's done a 180 about us. Did you know that? She's been pressing me to leave Gwen... and that we should get back together. How am I supposed to respond to that, huh? A woman that -- that I've cared about and respected my whole life, since I was a child, suddenly tells me to, I don't know, "change your life, Ethan." She's always told me to respect my marriage vows, Theresa. And that's changed, too. Why? I don't know. Because she got shot? I don't know.
Theresa's voice: No, it's because she found out that you're little Ethan's father.
Ethan: I don't know what's wrong with me.
Theresa: I do. You can't bear it that I'm trying to move on. It's made you realize what you'll lose, Ethan, so you're trying to pull me back. Isn't that what you're trying to tell me with your kiss? That you do want to be with me after all?
Siren: Let me in! I'm gonna kill Kay. Then I'm gonna move on to that old witch Tabitha.
Siren: Ah, there's an open window upstairs. All I have to do is climb up there.
Tabitha: It's really very simple. All Fox has to do is stand on one leg and make Endora laugh by making funny faces. At the same time, he's got to be hopping under a ladder, holding a lit candle, eating an oyster.
Kay: That's not simple. How are we going to get him to do that?
Tabitha: Oh, really, Kay, you don't even need magic for that. That's just human manipulation. First of all, Endora has to pretend to be upset so that Fox feels the need to entertain her.
Kay: Endora, sweetie, can you pretend to be upset?
Tabitha: That's good, sweet pea. Now, could we have the rest of the props please?
Fox: What's the matter? I heard Endora crying.
Kay: Oh, my God. Thank -- thank God you're here. She just got really upset all of a sudden. You're her favorite Fox.
Fox: Hey, hey, sweetheart. Don't cry.
Kay: Who knew she could scream like that?
Tabitha: We better make this work.
Luis: Don't hold it like you're afraid of it. Go on, grab it with both hands. Enjoy it.
Fancy: Hey, is this better?
Luis: Much. Now remember what I told you.
Fancy: Squeeze gently, gently as a kiss.
Luis: Wow, I'm impressed.
Fancy: It's beginner's luck. Your adjustments really helped.
Luis: I think you're a natural.
Fancy: No, I think it was your teaching. You're really good at explaining things.
Theresa: We need to get this squared away right here, right now. Do you want to spend your life with me or not?
Ethan: You are in my heart. You know that?
Theresa: So what, Ethan? I -- I remember time and time again you telling me that, "love is not enough, Theresa." Remember? Marriage. Duty. Responsibility. You said that they were important.
Ethan: Yes, I know. I did. That's me. I've said those things. And I've talked about family. For years, you've talked about the family that you wanted with me, Jane, little Ethan. I have something to admit to you. I dream about that family, too. All the time. It's absurd, but it's all I can think about, no matter how hard I try.
Theresa: It wasn't just a dream for me. I wanted it to come true. Are you saying that you want to be a family with me and my children? Because if you are, Ethan, I need you to tell me right now.
Fox: Aw, come one, Endora. Stop crying, sweetheart.
Kay: Fox, try to make funny faces.
Tabitha: Oh, yes, that's a good idea. She loves it when Kay does that. Of course, Kay looks like a real clown.
Fox: I'll do my best. Ok, that's not working. What -- what is all this? What is -- what is this?
Tabitha: Oh, this is props, dear. All good clowns need props. Just -- just keep trying, keep trying.
Fox: Ok. All right.
Kay: Is this part of the spell?
Tabitha: Don't be ridiculous. You can't expect Fox to eat oysters without a squeeze of lemon. That'd be revolting.
Tabitha: Oh, dear. We've got a problem. Siren's climbing up the trellis and there's a window open upstairs.
Kay: What do we do?
Tabitha: Fox -- Fox, dear, I -- there's a -- there's a little song that I sing to Endora. I think that might help.
Fox: Be my guest.
Tabitha: Cheer up little girly, smile and do your thing. Close the upstairs window or feel the mermaid's sting
Fox: What the heck is that?
Tabitha: Oh, that -- I know -- it's silly, but, you know, children love anything that rhymes, really.
Tabitha: The wind. The wind just closed the window upstairs.
Fox: Ok, what do I do to get her to stop crying?
Kay: I know, stand on one leg.
Tabitha: Uh, yes, yes. That's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, like Benny Hill. Benny Hill always stands on one leg and -- and she likes that.
Fox: Ok, I'll try.
Kay: Even better, you know, start hopping up and down while you make some funny faces.
Tabitha: Oh, yes, yes. That works. That works. We've done that many times, haven't we?
Fox: If you say so.
Tabitha: Oh, Fox, you're letting your leg drop. That's no good. Here, we'll soon fix that. Here we are.
Fox: This is ridiculous.
Tabitha: Oh, won't we look back on this and laugh, huh?
Kay: Keep hopping. Hey, do that -- do that cross-eyed thing again. I think she liked it.
Tabitha: This had bloody well better work.
Kay: Well, at least Siren's not in the house.
Tabitha: Famous last words. Siren's on the roof and she's coming down the chimney.
Kay: How dare she. The chimney's reserved for Santa.
Tabitha: Not in this house.
Kay: Oh, it's cold in here, isn't it?
Fox: Are you kidding me? It's still summertime.
Tabitha: Oh, maybe you're catching a chill, dear. Now, you shove an oyster in his mouth, and push him under the ladder, and I'll put this candle in his hand.
Kay: Is this going to work?
Tabitha: Well, it -- it better be if we're gonna break Siren's spell.
Kay: Ok, here it goes.
Fox: What are you doing?
Kay and Tabitha: Oh, no!
Fox: Siren? What, what did you -- what have you been doing? Listen, Tabitha, are you -- are you cooking tuna?
Sheridan: Who's on the phone, Chris?
Chris: You heard?
Sheridan: No, but you look upset.
Chris: Hang on one sec, would you? No, I just feel bad. They called to offer me that job and, uh --
Sheridan: Well, if you'd rather work there, by all means.
Chris: No, the job at Crane is absolutely the right choice for me.
Sheridan: Good, good, I agree. I mean, I know it must be hard turning down a job you earned on your own, but I think our plan is best. I just spoke to Valerie. Theresa can't see you right now.
Chris: Oh, that's too bad.
Sheridan: No, actually it's fine. You don't need to meet with Theresa after all. Valerie said the job is yours. You are in like Flynn.
Chris: Oh, that's great news.
Sheridan: Yes, I'm actually glad you don't have an interview. I just got a call from the police station. I have to go down and sign my statement concerning your shooting.
Chris: Well, why do the police have to get involved?
Sheridan: Sam insisted. It's all right. I won't be gone long.
Chris: Sheridan's on her way to the police station. If that background check comes in on me, she'll be the first to know. You've got to stop Luis now or I'll be finished. We all will.
Fancy: Oh, is that the background check on Chris? What does it say?
Luis: Oh, damn it. I can't believe this.
Kay: Here, honey. Have another oyster.
Fox: No, no thanks, not until Endora cheers up a little bit here. Tabitha, you tied this thing so tight.
Tabitha: Quickly, Kay, light the candle. Light the candle.
Tabitha. Look, Siren. Mm, lovely fresh seafood. Yum, yum, yum. Now, Kay. Now, Kay.
Kay: Here. Here, hold it.
Tabitha: Eat it, eat it, eat it.
Tabitha: Now, Endora.
Endora: Down. Now fall down.
Tabitha: You did it, Fox.
Kay: Oh, yay! It's perfect! He was hopping up and down under a ladder making faces, candle in his hand, eating an oyster --
Tabitha: And a little child laughed.
Tabitha: Oh, it must have worked!
Fox: What was that?
Tabitha: Drat. Net of silence is wearing off. Hey, you. You keep your mouth shut or you'll blow our cover.
Kay: You're brilliant!
Fox: What is going on around here?
Kay: Oh, it -- you know -- I know, it's silly, but, you know, it worked. Endora's happy again.
Fox: Yeah, and you shoved me under a ladder twice. That's double bad luck.
Tabitha: Oh, nonsense. No, going under twice just cancels out the bad luck. You'll be fine, dear.
Fox: What's this ladder doing here in the first place? I mean, somebody could get hurt.
Kay: That's the plan.
Tabitha: Oh, it's me. Mine, mine. I use it for dusting.
Fox: Siren, what -- what happened to you?
Siren: I fell down.
Fox: Yeah, you know, that's it. I've had enough with -- with all of you. First you put me in that stupid little costume and -- and now this. I'm going to go check in with the office.
Kay: Well, he's a little ticked off, but it worked! Ah! The first two parts of the spell are complete. Ah!
Siren: Foolish mortal, you'll never complete that spell.
Kay: Watch me, Tuna Melt.
Siren: Fox is mine, Kay. Forever.
Fancy: What's wrong? What did you learn about Chris?
Luis: Nothing. The national database is down. Now it's going to take some time to put through the background check.
Fancy: I hope it clears him.
Luis: Don't hold your breath. I've got a bad feeling about this guy.
Chris: Can't you stop the background check? Really? Well, then it's all taken care of. Alistair wiped my background years ago. Thank God. But it never ends. You go from being Alistair's puppet to Spike's puppet, and what the hell am I doing to Sheridan, the woman I love.
Jared: That's 21, man. Four games in a row.
Chad: Looks like it's your lucky day. You got a great new job at Crane. Looks like you're gonna snag Theresa. Oh, and most of all, you beat me at basketball, and that's unheard of around here.
Jared: That's unheard of. Well, when you're hot, you're hot. Let's get changed, man. Head back to work. I miss Theresa.
Chad: All right.
Ethan: I'm married to Gwen.
Theresa: No, do not do this to me again.
Ethan: Will you please forget about the kiss?
Theresa: You want me to forget about that kiss, Ethan? You kiss me and you kiss me and then you say that you can't turn your back on your wife and you want me to forget about that?
Ethan: Theresa, I'm caught in middle here between how I feel for you and my duty -- my duty -- my love for my wife.
Theresa: Your obligation to Gwen. Ethan, you don't love her.
Ethan: I love her. I love her.
Theresa: Ok, fine. Then what about your obligation to me? You let me go so that I can be happy. What do you want from me, Ethan? You want me to hang around you forever so that you can wallow in your fantasies and your guilt?
Ethan: No. No, I want -- I want you to be happy.
Theresa: Then you need to let me go. If you don't want to spend your life with me, then you need to let me go. Because I'm moving on, Ethan. I have moved on. And if I decide that I move on with Jared or some other guy, that's none of your business.
Ethan: I want what's best for you.
Theresa: Just get out. Now, Ethan!
Ethan: Theresa, I wa --
Theresa: Get out! Please, go!
Theresa: Damn you, Ethan. Damn you.
Siren: Have you seen what has to happen for the third part of that spell to work?
Kay: No, but after what I've done today, trust me, I can do anything.
Siren: Well, I would take a look at it, if I were you.
Kay: Tabitha, it's not that hard, is it?
Tabitha: Oh, my giddy aunt.
Kay: What? What is it?
Tabitha: Well, it's going to be difficult to say the least.
Tabitha: Kay, think of hard experiences you've had dabbling in magic.
Kay: Well, I'm still here, aren't I?
Tabitha: The third part of this spell is going to make everything you've ever done look like child's play.
Kay: Oh, no.
Chris: Damn Luis, trying to run a background check on me. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead in Hawaii. Well, it's good to know you're an out-and-out enemy. It makes it easier to take the necessary steps to ensure you will never take Sheridan away from me. Watch your back, good buddy.
Fancy: What are you doing?
Luis: Sending a text message to my friend in Interpol. They can do a background check on Chris while we wait for the computers to come back up here.That'll give Interpol all the information they need to do a background check on Chris.
Sheridan: A background check on my husband? Who the hell do you think you are?
Theresa: Why are you doing this to me, Ethan? I thought we were past all of this. Just get out! Leave me alone!
Jared: Why? What'd I do?
Theresa: I'm so sorry, Jared.
Jared: What's wrong? You been crying? Can I help?
Chad: My, my, my.
Ethan: Hey, man. Are you waiting for Theresa, 'cause I really got to talk to her.
Chad: Well, she's a little busy, Ethan.
Ethan: Oh, damn it.
Chad: What is with you?
Ethan: I don't trust that guy.
Chad: Why? You checked him out. He's on the up and up.
Ethan: I got a gut feeling about him, all right?
Chad: Yeah, well is it your gut or your heart?
Ethan: What are you talking about?
Chad: Come on, Ethan. You're jealous. You're jealous of Jared because you want to be the one in Theresa's arms.
On the Next Passions:
Theresa: Ethan's taken enough years of my life. I don't care if I ever see him again.
Ethan: This guy is a little too good to be true.
Luis: I think that Chris is protecting Spike.
Chris: No one can see us together.
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