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Provided By Glynis
Proofread by Jodi
Kay: Endora, sweetie... we need to talk.
Tabitha: Don't push her, Kay. Endora likes Siren in spite of the barracuda's bad behavior.
Kay: Endora, please, you wouldn't send Siren packing the last time we asked you, and now Fox isn't with me. So, I'm begging you, please. Would you please send her away? Because she is going to cause more trouble for Miguel! Look, and I -- I don't want to believe in the mermaid's curse, but if it is true, Siren will ruin both Fox and Miguel's life. So, I'm begging you, please, please, will you please send Siren back to the ocean?
Chris: What are you doing back here?
Spike: Just taking care of business -- our unfinished business.
Chris: I thought I made it clear. I don't want to get involved with you. Now, get out of here before Sheridan and James get back.
Spike: Now that is some nice brandy. Of course, I can't afford it now that my wife's a stay-at-home whore.
Chris: Did you hear me? I said get out!
Spike: Oh, I heard you, pal. I'm wondering if you heard me, though. I want your help. And if you don't give it to me, I'm going to give it to you where it's going to hurt the most. I will destroy your marriage to your unsuspecting wife Sheridan.
Paloma: Is Sheridan over Luis or not?
Fancy: She said she was. Aunt Sheridan even said it was ok if I wanted to date Luis. I wonder if Aunt Sheridan was fooling herself.
Luis: So, what brings you by? More car trouble?
Sheridan: No, thank goodness. My driver's license was about to expire, so I wanted to come get it renewed before that happened.
Sheridan: And then James and I were going to go to the park for lunch.
Luis: James, you are a lucky young man.
James: I love my mommy.
Luis: Well, who wouldn't?
Sheridan: I didn't know you were in charge of new recruits.
Luis: Yeah, it's a good way to make some extra money. I thought it would be fun. But ever since Fancy and Paloma signed on, it's been nothing but a circus.
Sheridan: Yeah, I saw the three of you going at it. I can't believe Fancy applied to be a cop.
Paloma: Are we going to start class now or what?
Luis: As a matter of fact, I would like to start class now with the serious applicants, as soon as you and Fancy go home.
Fancy: Oh, sing a different tune, Luis. That one's getting old.
Paloma: Yeah, that's right. We're not going anywhere.
Luis: See what I'm up against here?
Jared: Why'd you pull away? You afraid the big, bad boss woman is going to catch us? When you said this is where you worked, you meant...
Jared: You and Mrs. Crane.
Miguel: Siren, I don't think we should do this.
Siren: Why not? You always liked kissing me.
Miguel: I liked it a lot. I liked you a lot. It's just -- things are different.
Siren: Are you really in love with her, or do you just want to be with her because you've made love to her?
Siren: Well, she loves Fox. She's going to marry Fox.
Miguel: That's the plan. I am hoping that will change once I tell Kay how much she and Maria mean to me. Then, once I do that, hopefully I can win Kay back.
Siren's Voice: Or not.
Miguel: Siren, I'm sorry, ok. And I don't mean to hurt you. I mean, my God, you saved me from drowning and I will forever be grateful. But I think Kay is the only woman for me.
Siren: Then why did you lead me on? Why'd you make me think I was something special?
Miguel: You are special, Siren. You really are. It's just I'm still in love with Kay. And I think she loves me, too.
Siren: Look, I -- I understand.
Miguel: Really? Thanks.
Siren's Voice: You're still going to make love to me, Miguel, before you talk to Kay.
Spike: Now, you either help me or I'll bring you down. And you know I can. Remember, I have Alistair's file on what a bad boy that you've been.
Chris: What do you want me to do?
Spike: I knew you'd come around.
Chris: Oh, I ain't coming around to anything yet. I'm asking what you want.
Chris: How much?
Spike: Oh, come on, man -- a lot more than you can cough up.
Chris: Ease up on the booze there, Spike. You're not making any sense.
Spike: Well, let me spell it out for you. I'm planning a mother of a heist. I'm going to rob one of the earth's richest families. And it just so happens that their -- their estate is right here in Harmony.
Chris: Oh -- oh no.
Spike: Oh yeah, and it just so happens that you're married to a member of that filthy rich family.
Chris: You can't be serious.
Spike: Mm, but I am. I'm going to rob Casa Crane. And you, my friend, are going to help me.
Luis: Go home.
Luis: Go home.
Sam: Luis, I hate to break this up, but your other recruits are insisting that Cagney and Lacey here go home.
Sam: Me? Well, I'm staying out of this one.
Luis: Thanks a lot, Chief.
James: Look, Mommy, I'm a policeman.
Sheridan: Yes you are. Look at that. Thank you, Luis.
Luis: All right.
Sheridan: Fancy, I can't believe you're considering joining the force.
Fancy: Why not?
Sheridan: Well, you're not exactly the police type.
Fancy: Why does everyone think I'm some pampered princess who can't do anything hard or physical?
Sheridan: Can you?
Fancy: I survived falling walls and hungry lions to help Luis in Rome. Besides, I want to do something important with my life. Fashion matters, but it doesn't challenge me.
Sheridan: Well, can't you find something that's less dangerous than police work?
Fancy: I could, but then I wouldn't be close to Luis.
Sheridan: Is that the real reason you want to join the force -- is to be near Luis?
Sheridan: I see.
Fancy: Aunt Sheridan, are you comfortable with that? Paloma and I saw how you looked at Luis, how your eyes lit up and you smiled your best smile. Are you still ok with me wanting to date Luis?
Jared: I can't believe I just never made the connection between you and Mrs. Crane.
Theresa: I can explain, Jared.
Jared: I -- I knew you had a bitch for a boss. I should have figured it was her. The way you defended her at the wharf last night. You're her personal assistant.
Theresa: Her -- her personal assistant?
Jared: Yeah, I mean Valerie said to come in and -- and I would talk to Mrs. Crane, and here you are. What, is she in -- in the back in some private office, snacking on a box of puppies?
Theresa: Ah, look, did you happen to get the -- the message that I left you on your cell phone? I -- I wanted to, you know, meet you for lunch.
Jared: I turned my cell phone off because of the interview.
Theresa: I, you know, I -- I left you one because I wanted to talk to you about something.
Jared: All right. Well, we can talk later. Before she comes back, just let me in on a little something. Is this gold digger really as nasty as I think she is?
Tabitha: Endora's thinking.
Kay: Endora, please, please make it so that Siren doesn't hurt Miguel the way she's hurt Fox.
Tabitha: She said not to worry. She won't let Siren hurt Miguel.
Kay: So you'll send her back?
Tabitha: Well, my guess is Endora thinks she can stop Siren from doing anything more to Fox or Miguel.
Kay: Ok, so you mean Siren stays, but you'll run interference?
Tabitha: She said "yes."
Kay: But that's not good enough. I want her gone.
Tabitha: Endora's made up her mind -- Siren stays.
Kay: But you're her mother. Make her unconjure Siren.
Tabitha: Really, Kay, you of all people should know that daughters don't always listen to their moms.
Kay: But you're the parent. You're in charge.
Tabitha: If you have a witchy daughter who has more powers than you, you choose your battles carefully. Going to the mat to make Endora zap Siren just isn't worth the "boil, boil, toil and trouble." So, you're just going to have get over it and get on with it.
Kay: Get on with what? Life under that flounder's fin? No, I don't think so, ok? Siren has to go before she seduces Miguel into making love to her.
Miguel: I can't understand anything you're saying, Siren.
Siren: I was singing.
Miguel: I can't hear you over the water running.
Siren's voice: Nothing's easy.
Miguel: I still can't hear anything. You know, maybe my ears aren't back to normal.
Miguel: I'm just going to go dry off and -- and get dressed. I'll talk to you later, all right, after I talk to Kay and tell her exactly how much she and Maria mean to me.
Sheridan: Don't feel uncomfortable on my account. I told you it was perfectly fine with me for you to date Luis.
Fancy: You're sure.
Fancy: Well I'm glad, Aunt Sheridan, because for a minute there I thought you might have changed your mind.
Sheridan: No, it's perfectly all right.
Fancy: Could you do me a favor then?
Sheridan: Sure, what is it?
Fancy: Would you talk me up to Luis?
Sheridan: Talk you up?
Fancy: Well, yeah. Luis respects your opinion. He'll listen to you.
Sheridan: All right. I'll talk to Luis for you, but I can't promise anything. If nothing else, Luis can be very --
Sheridan: Very stubborn.
Tabitha: I'd give up if I were you, Kay. There's no way to dispatch Siren. She's already purloined the spell book, and Endora here refuses to send her mermaid chum back to the briny. So, we're stuck with her.
Kay: Hey, I thought you were out on the fishing boat.
Miguel: I was. But I hauled in way over my quota, so I thought I'd come back early and talk.
Kay: Oh, yeah, sure.
Tabitha's voice: Methinks Miguel is going to make another pitch for Kay. That's good for the dark side.
Tabitha: Come along, Endora. Time for your bath.
Endora: I need a bath?
Tabitha: Yes, time for your bath. Work with me, sweet pea. Mummy's fibbing. See you in a minute.
Kay: So, what did you want to talk about?
Miguel: Us, Kay -- you and me.
Miguel: Please, just hear me out. I love you, Kay.
Kay: Miguel -- oh, God.
Miguel: I was never so happy as I was holding you in my arms afterwards. Just being with you, being together, it's -- it's magical. Kay, we fit. It's like we're meant to be.
Kay: Yeah, I always thought so, too.
Miguel: And I'm not saying this to upset you or confuse you. I just need you to know how I feel. Ok? How deep you are in my heart.
Chris: There's no way in hell I'm going to use Sheridan to help you rob her family.
Spike: What's the biggie? Just one more thing your unsuspecting wife won't know about.
Spike: Look, all you have to do is look on Sheridan's PDA. I happen to know that she keeps the alarm code to the mansion on it. You find out what it is, pass it along to me, and I'm going to pull off the heist of a lifetime.
Chris: Get a new plan, Spike. I won't betray Sheridan.
Spike: Oh yeah, you will. You got no choice. Because if you don't, I'll tell your princess bride everything about you.
Chris: You're bluffing.
Spike: I wonder what Sheridan will think when she finds out that you were working for her old man, that he hired you to help her love again and marry her -- wow.
Chris: That might be how it got started, but things have changed. I fell in love with Sheridan.
Spike: You think that's going to make a difference if she finds out you've been working for him from the start, huh?
Spike: Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Look, man, stop playing hard to get. Just get me what I want. I promise it won't hurt one little bit.
Luis: Why don't you show Mommy what I taught you? Good job, son.
Sheridan: Good job. We'll show Daddy -- when we get home.
Fancy: Paloma, let's go get ready with the other recruits.
Luis: Hey, don't get too comfortable. You're going to be leaving soon.
Luis: Can you believe this? My sister and Fancy wanting to become cops. What a joke.
Sheridan: I think they're serious.
Luis: Seriously delusional.
Sheridan: Well, I can't speak for Paloma, but I was talking to Fancy and she seems really committed to this.
Luis: Till her next whim comes along.
Sheridan: I don't think it's a whim. Fancy really wants to join the force. And frankly, I think she'd be great.
Luis: You don't mean that.
Sheridan: Wasn't Fancy everything you needed as a partner in Rome?
Luis: Well --
Sheridan: And that was without training. Think how good she'll be when she gets it.
Luis: Yeah, well, you're assuming she's going to stick with it.
Sheridan: Fancy really wants this, Luis. And when she wants something, she doesn't give up until she gets it.
Luis: Typical spoiled little rich girl.
Sheridan: No, she's not, or Noah wouldn't have fallen for her. And you wouldn't have fallen for me.
Luis: Yeah, well, you never wanted to become a cop, did you?
Sheridan: No, but Fancy does.
Sheridan: I'm sure she has her reasons.
Luis: Yeah, crazy ones.
Sheridan: I think you should give Fancy a chance.
Sheridan's voice: Give Fancy a chance, Luis, to be a cop and to be your love.
Jared: So, is Mrs. Crane really as nasty as I think she is?
Theresa: Actually, Jared, you are way off.
Jared: Just the thought of her slobbering over that old man while she picked his pocket is just --
Theresa: Ok --
Jared: Turns my stomach.
Theresa: Listen, about this Mrs. --
Valerie: Sorry about that, I had to take a call from our Prague office.
Theresa's voice: Oh, God, what if Valerie calls me Mrs. Crane in front of Jared?
Valerie: Here is Mr. Casey's file. I'll hold all calls until the interview's over.
Theresa: Ok, great.
Theresa: Thank you.
Valerie: Sorry to rush you, but Mrs. Crane has a meeting with finance in 20 minutes.
Jared: Ok, you know when she's going to come in to interview me?
Theresa: You know, I can actually take it from here, thank you.
Valerie: I don't understand. Mrs. Crane is right here.
Valerie: Here. Jared Casey, meet Mrs. Theresa Crane.
Miguel: I love you, Kay -- mind, body, and soul. I want to be with you -- you and Maria. And I'm hoping that you care about me enough to at least think of letting that happen.
Kay: Of course I care about you -- a lot.
Miguel: So, am I wrong to hope that you might still love me?
Tabitha: Endora's watching her favorite TV show, "Animal Antics." Did you know that chipmunks can climb trees?
Tabitha: Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?
Kay: No, it's ok. We're finished.
Miguel: Just for now, I hope.
Tabitha: I think I know what that was all about.
Kay: Why -- why didn't he tell me he loved me before I met Fox?
Tabitha: Kay, if you can't be honest with me, at least be honest with yourself. This has all the makings of a country music hit. A woman in love with two men. Too bad polygamy is illegal in Harmony, you can't have both of them. You have to choose one -- Fox or Miguel.
Kay: But which one?
Spike: Now, you are in no position to play games with me, man. You got no choice but to help me rob the Crane-mans.
Chris: I'll see you in hell before that happens.
Spike: What? Are you quoting dialogue from old movies now? Because that's how lame you sound.
Chris: Listen to me, punk. I'm not going to let you blackmail me into helping you steal from Sheridan's family. Get your sorry butt out of here, and don't come back.
Spike: You're going to make me do that speech, aren't you? The one where I tell you that I know everything about you? Ok, it all started when Sheridan saved a little boy from the tsunami, after his poor mama died. Big, bad Alistair saw Sheridan with the kid and saw how much she loved the little brat. He thought, "I can control with that." That was your cue, Mr. Boothe. Yeah, he hired you to come into town under some "cover," some convoluted story about you being in the witness protection program. Oh yes, and that you were James' father.
Chris: Damn you, Spike.
Spike: Didn't think I knew everything, did you? Do you know the biggest biggie? That James isn't even your son. He was an orphan whose father bailed on him after he was born, whose mom died during the tsunami. Alistair paid you to pretend to be the kid's father and use her love for the kid to draw her in, to get her to fall in love with you. Yes, it was your job to make Sheridan's dreams come true of having a family. You know, since Marty was missing and Luis was killed looking for him.
Chris: That might be how it got started, but I fell in love with Sheridan.
Spike: Oh yeah, as much as you loved the money that Alistair was paying you?
Chris: I haven't done what Alistair wanted to for a very long time.
Spike: Oh yeah, so that's why you rushed off to marry Sheridan the night before you found Luis in Hawaii, huh, buddy?
Chris: I love Sheridan and James.
Spike: Yeah, you know what? None of that really matters, all right? All that Sheridan has to hear is that James is not your son, and you were hired by her father to screw her life up again. And you know damn well that's going to be the end of that. She'll hate your guts and you'll lose her forever.
Luis: All right. All right, I know that I'm going to regret this, but I will give Fancy a chance.
Sheridan: Thanks. It's for your own good, too, Luis. Fancy and Paloma would have grounds for a lawsuit if you excluded them from the start.
Luis: Yeah, I know that. I was just trying to talk them into quitting.
Sheridan: Only they haven't. Paloma and Fancy are determined to see this through.
Luis: Doesn't mean I have to make it easy on them. What? They have to prove that they can become cops.
Sam: Luis, it's time for our new recruits to holster up.
Luis: All right, let's do this. He can take care of getting you your license. I got a class to teach.
Luis: Here, put these on.
Fancy: You're not kicking me out?
Luis: Not yet. It's early. Still gotta prove you guys can become cops, though.
Paloma: No problem.
Fancy: You see, Luis, Paloma and I are natural-born cops. Ow.
Valerie: I'll have reception hold your calls, Mrs. Crane.
Theresa: I can explain. That's why I called your phone, and I left you the message that I wanted to meet you for lunch.
Jared: You're Mrs. Alistair Crane?
Theresa: I was going to tell you, Jared, before you found out from -- from somebody else.
Jared: I can't believe this. You played me for a fool.
Theresa: No. It's not like that.
Jared: You let me believe that you were this struggling, single mother working hard to make ends meet.
Theresa: I -- I work hard. And I do struggle running Crane Industries by myself.
Jared: What are you now, a lawyer playing word games with me? I don't even know who you are.
Theresa: Listen, I didn't tell you, Jared --
Jared: Because you're a liar.
Theresa: No. Please just -- can you give me a chance to explain?
Jared: I thought that this was really going to work. How could I be so stupid to think that you were real? That this -- this was the real thing? I am a complete fool. But you, Mrs. Crane, are far worse than I ever, ever thought you could be.
Siren: Miguel, did you talk to Kay?
Siren: What did she say when you told her how much you love her?
Miguel: Nothing, but I wasn't expecting an answer. Kay is engaged to Fox. She has a lot to think about.
Siren: Deciding who she wants to be with.
Miguel: I just hope it's me.
Siren: Looks like I still have time to get Miguel to make love to me before Kay makes up her mind.
Miguel: You look so beautiful when you're sleeping, Maria. Just like your mommy. I just hope deep down she feels the same way. Then we can all be a family, the way we should have been all along.
Tabitha: You have to choose, Kay.
Kay: How? I mean, how can I choose between Fox and Miguel?
Tabitha: I know it's hard, but this situation has to be resolved and you're to resolve it.
Kay: God. But it's just I love Fox so much. And, you know -- and the weird part is that I wasn't even expecting him to come into my life. He just sort of popped in when I'd pretty much given up on love. And now, I cannot imagine my life without him in it. And he's been so great to me and Maria -- oh, God -- despite poison Ivy. Here I am planning my life with him. God, and then Miguel came back.
Tabitha: Well, you know the answer to that, Kay.
Kay: I do?
Tabitha: Yes. I told you if you got engaged to Fox while Mercury was in retrograde, the two of you would be doomed as a couple.
Kay: Yeah, but that was just astrology.
Tabitha: Ha. The column in the "Harmony Herald" is just astrology. My warning came with a guarantee from the dark side. Besides, my magic bowl showed a dark shadow over your future with Fox if you committed to him too soon, which you did. And -- and -- and -- and Miguel turned out to be the dark shadow.
Kay: What am I going to do?
Tabitha: Ah, really, I can't answer that for you, dear. You're going to have to figure this one out for yourself. There's Endora calling me from the living room. But listen, dear, you have got to make a choice very soon. Otherwise, you're going to risk losing both of them -- Fox and Miguel.
Kay: I've already made my choice, Tabitha. I'm engaged to Fox. I -- I can't back out now.
Tabitha: Even if you wanted to?
Miguel: I love you, Maria. And I love your mommy, too. I just hope she loves me enough so we can be a family soon. You know, Daddy was selfish and stupid and wrong to be away from you guys for as long as I was. I know now that you two are the loves of my life, not Charity. I just hope that Mommy believed me when I told her how much I loved her, and how she's always been there as my teammate, my best friend, my playmate, and first love, Even if I wasn't conscious of it early on. Daddy made a terrible mistake not realizing how much he loved Mommy. I just hope that mistake won't cost me a life with you and her. You deserve to be happy, sweetie. I love you both so much. And there's nothing more I would love than for us three to be a family.
Tabitha: Staying with Fox won't be easy for Kay if, in fact, she does stay with him. Ooh.
Jared: I can't believe that I could be so wrong about you, Theresa.
Theresa: Please, please, Jared, just let me explain.
Jared: Explain? Explain what? You lied to me from the get-go. You strung me along, leading me to believe that -- that this could -- that we could actually -- you know what? You wasted enough of my time.
Theresa: Wait, please, Jared, just give me --
Valerie: Oh, I took the liberty of getting you a new employee packet.
Jared: Well, you wasted your time because I would never, ever work here.
Valerie: What happened while I was gone?
Jared: Ask Mrs. Crane.
Valerie: I am so sorry. When I interviewed Jared, he seemed perfect for the job. What a jerk he turned out to be.
Theresa: He's not a jerk.
Valerie: But he was so disrespectful.
Theresa: Can you cancel that meeting with finance? I'd like to be by myself.
Theresa: I guess Whitney was right again. I should have told Jared the truth before he found out from somebody else. I finally met somebody nice, and I sabotage myself over again.
Chris: You bastard.
Spike: Whatever. Here's the deal. You either help me so I can slip into your wife's big family mansion and rob them, or I'm going to tell Sheridan that you're just another one of Alistair's plans brought on by the old man to keep her under his thumb.
Chris: I love Sheridan now.
Spike: Yeah, right. Like I keep saying, you think that'll matter after she find out you've been working for her old man, huh? I'll take that as a "no." So, the way I see it is this -- you're going to help me to rob the Crane mansion, and Sheridan will never be the wiser.
Luis: Fancy, how do you expect to become a cop if you can't even put on a holster?
Fancy: Well, then show me what I'm doing wrong. If you help me once, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.
Luis: Ok, I will show you -- once.
Fancy: That's all I need.
Luis: All right, this goes here. And then, that does that. All right, now that's how you put on a holster. You try it.
Fancy: Like that. Ok. How's that?
Luis: Nice, really nice.
James: Are you ok, mommy?
Sheridan: Yes, honey, I'm ok. And I think Luis and Fancy might just be ok, too.
On the Next Passions:
Gwen: I hear that you and Theresa are dating now.
Jared: Not anymore.
Chad: Whitney Russell, will you marry me?
Fancy: I am a real recruit.
Luis: Ok, then prove it.
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