Passions Transcript Friday 7/7/06 [an error occurred while processing this directive]

Passions Transcript Friday 7/7/06--Canada; Monday 7/10/06--USA
 
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Provided By Glynis
Proofread by Jodi

Siren: Maybe it won't be so bad.

Tabitha: Even for a mermaid, you're as thick as two planks. I can't let the fire marshal investigate the fire at my house because he will find out that it was set by unearthly means.

Siren: How?

Tabitha: You haven't got a clue, have you? What happens if the fire marshal or one of his underlings disappear in the remains of my basement?  Or if they find certain other "remains" that have been piling up down there for hundreds of years? Well, the F.B.I. will be called in, and then Endora and I will be revealed as witches. And you know what they do to witches around here, don't you?

{Tabitha: Thou cannot hurt me, Prudence. I will live forever, and I will make you pay! Thou and all who descend from you will suffer for all eternity.}

Siren: Yeah, I think I remember a few human bonfires down by the harbor a few centuries back. Smelled like barbeque for miles around.

Tabitha: Stop it, stop it! I'm not afraid for myself, but I'm a mother. I can't let anything happen to Endora.

Sam: What put a smile on that beautiful face of yours?

Ivy: Oh.  I'm just happy that Fox and Kay are home with us again.

Sam: Yeah, well, even though Kay is suffering from an altered sense of reality after that electric shock she got. You know, maybe I should get Eve over here.

Ivy: No, Sam, no. Honey, she's going to be fine. I'm just so glad that they're here with us.

Sam: You really are in a good mood, aren't you?

Ivy: Mm-hmm.

Ivy's voice: I'll be in a better one when Fox sees who's upstairs in the shower.

Fox: It's just me, Miguel. It's Fox.

Fox: Whoa.

Fox: Man, this guy takes a hot shower.

Ethan: I'm glad you're feeling better.

Gwen: Yeah, I am. Listen, I just love you so much, honey. I want us to be together forever.

Ethan: Well, we will be. We will be. I don't know what that crazy nun was talking about. You know, it's ridiculous to even worry about it.

Gwen: Ok, you're right. You know, I'm going to get a paper. I'll be right back.

Ethan: Ok.

Theresa: He's there, he's right there. He's alone.

Whitney: I see him.

Theresa: Oh, my goodness. This is it. This is it. Once I tell Ethan that little Ethan is his son, not Julian's, he's going to realize that we should be together. We are finally going to be together, Whitney.

Whitney: Wait, hey, hey, whoa, whoa. Just listen. Have you thought this whole thing through?

Theresa: Wait, what's there to think about? Because once I tell Ethan the truth that little Ethan is his son, he's going to divorce that witch Gwen and going to come back to me. The nun did say that Ethan and I would be bonded together forever, and she was right.

Whitney: Just don't jump off the deep end here. Yes, it's amazing news that Ethan is little Ethan's biological father. But he has also told you a million times that he values his marriage above all else. What if he doesn't leave Gwen?

Theresa: Oh, he's going to leave her. I mean, can you imagine his face when he finds out the truth? And can you imagine how crazy Gwen's going to be when she hears it? Ethan, hi. Hi.

Ethan: Hi.

Theresa: You're not going to believe this.

Ethan: What are you doing here?

Theresa: I -- I have the -- I've got the most incredible news. I'm about to make all your dreams come true.

[Growl]

Fancy: What -- what was that?

Luis: Sounded like an animal, a very big animal.

Luis: Oh, my God.

Sheridan: What is that? Luis, what's that noise?

Luis: Come on.

Sheridan: Lions? There are lions running loose in the city?

Chris: Did you say lions?

Sheridan: Yes.

Luis: We gotta get out of here.

Fancy: Wait, don't let them eat me!

Luis: Then come on!

Beth: Please, please, let the lions eat Fancy, not Luis. He can't die.

Sheridan: There are lions running after Luis and Fancy.

Chris: That's absurd.

Sheridan: Look.

Chris: Give me this. You can't look at this.

Sheridan: No, I'm not going to abandon Luis at a time like this.

Sheridan: Run, Luis, faster!

[Lion growls]

Chris: Please, Sheridan, don't get so upset. Think about the baby.

Sheridan: Chris, there are lions chasing Luis and Fancy. Don't tell me not to get upset.

Fancy: Where did the lions come from?

Luis: Alistair, where do you think?

Fancy: Grampy?

Luis: All right, come on.

Marty: Daddy.

Beth: I know, sweetheart. That's your daddy and some stupid nasty blonde. But don't worry, your grandfather -- he's just playing a funny trick on him, isn't he? Your daddy is going to be just fine. He has to be.

Alistair: I don't think so. This reminds me of Rome, ancient times, when the emperors would feed the Christians to the lions.

Beth: Stop this, Daddy.

Alistair: Stop this? Should I stop this? Should I not stop this? Should I stop it? Stop it!

Beth: No!

Sheridan: This is my father's doing. How can he do this? Fancy is his own granddaughter.

Fancy: Oh, thank God, we lost the lions.

Luis: Yeah.

[Lions growl]

Luis: Don't look now, but they're right in front of us.

Ethan: Ok, Theresa, what are you talking about? How are you going to make my dreams come true?

Theresa: All right, listen, ok? We've been down a really long and hard road together.

Ethan: Yeah, Theresa, I'm going to need the short version of this because Gwen is going to be here in about two minutes.

Theresa: Ok, you're right.

Ethan: Ok.

Theresa: Ok. Well, what I'm about to tell you -- it's going to shock you at first, ok? But then, you know, you're just going to take a minute, let it sink in, and realize that this makes complete sense. Ethan, I used to fantasize about this, and maybe it's just my heart trying to tell me the truth, and now I find out that it's actually been true all along.

Ethan: Theresa, Theresa, look at me. What is it?

Ethan: Julian isn't little Ethan's father.

Ethan: Um, ok. Who is?

Theresa: You.

Tabitha: Think, Tabitha, think. I have to come up with a way to stop that fire marshal discovering the truth about what burned my house down.

Siren: Well, good luck with that.

Tabitha: You're not going anywhere. You're going to help me.

Siren: Why should I?

Tabitha: I'll tell you why. Because if the worst comes to the worst, the good ship Tabitha is not going down alone. Oh, no, you're going to go down with me. A real live mermaid. Oh, these humans would make you the prize exhibit of some freak sideshow. Or, better still, they'd ship you off to Washington where some government scientist would dissect you. Oh, don't worry dear, you'd still look lovely, even in formaldehyde.

Siren: All right. I'll help you.

Tabitha: Good. Now I'm going to need Endora's help, as well. Oh, Endora, sweetheart, Mummy needs your help, desperately.  Come, come, bring this with you.. We've got to go into the kitchen. Come, come, my little one, into the kitchen.

Ivy: Mmm....hey, how about I fix brunch to celebrate this wonderful day. I'm becoming a real whiz with French toast.

Sam: You know, I love seeing you so happy. And you're right, I love having my daughter and your son under our roof.  I just hope that Kay feels better soon and realizes who she really loves.

Ivy: Mm-hmm so do I. Don't worry. I think things are going to change real soon.

Fox: Man, how can Miguel stand such a hot shower?

Miguel: Kay, this isn't right.

Kay: What's wrong? We love each other. No more excuses. Make love to me right now.

Fox: Miguel?

Tabitha: Ugh. Bloody Mary mix is a poor substitute for bat's blood, but I suppose it'll have to do.  This is a very forgiving spell. 

Tabitha: You'll see, my pet. You'll see. Hand me eye of newt, will you?

Siren: I don't think they have any.

Tabitha: No eye of newt?  What self respecting kitchen doesn't have eye of newt? Oh, well, Ivy is the worst cook on the planet. Let's see if there's something else we can substitute. What have they got here? Oh, yes, look at that. Pimento-stuffed olives. Oh, I love these, especially in a double martimmy.

Siren: What's supposed to happen?

Tabitha: Well, we'll just keep going. Smells nice, though, like hot gazpacho. Will you find me some dried skin of toad?

Siren: Are you kidding me?

Tabitha: Oh, no, of course she wouldn't have that, would she? Oh, what can we substitute for dried skin of toad?

Siren: Peel some skin off that nasty Ivy's back.

Tabitha: You are the first mermaid I have ever met with a sense of humor.

Siren: Did I say something funny?

Ivy: So, what do you say to brunch?

Sam: Not hungry. Rain check?

Ivy: Ok, whatever you say. I wonder what happened to Tabitha and Siren.

Sam: Well, they'd better be around here somewhere. The fire marshal wanted to talk to them about the fire next door.

Ivy:  Oh.  I am thirsty. You want something?

Sam: Sure. Anything cold.

Ivy: Ok. Be right back.

Ivy: I don't want to miss any of the screaming coming from upstairs.

Fox: Enough is enough. This stops right now.

Ethan: What did you just say to me?

Theresa: I said that Julian isn't little Ethan's father. You are. Isn't that incredible, Ethan?

Ethan: Theresa, I don't -- I don't understand.

Theresa: Ok, - remember the night before we were supposed to be married? The night that, you know, we made love on the beach?

Ethan: Yeah, yes, yes, yes, I remember that night, but I also remember that you were using protection. You were on the pill.

Theresa: Apparently it wasn't an effective contraceptive.

Ethan: How do you -- how do you know all this?

Theresa: J.T. Cornell.

Ethan: The -- the sleazy editor J.T.?

Theresa: Well, before he was a sleazy editor, he was a sleazy reporter, and he's really good at finding out the facts, and he found medical proof that little Ethan is our son together, and he just kept the information from the public.

Ethan: Why would he do that, Theresa? I mean --

Theresa: I don't know. Maybe he was waiting for a slow news day. But he gave me proof. I have proof, Ethan. See?

Ethan: I'm little Ethan's father.

Theresa: Yeah. You are, Ethan. Isn't that incredible?

Ethan: Yeah.

Ethan: Yeah. I'm -- I'm his dad. I am his dad! Oh, my God.

Sheridan: Run, Luis, they're right behind you!

Chris: Sheridan, give me this phone.

Sheridan: No!

Chris: Eve Russell put you on bed rest because this pregnancy is so tentative.

Sheridan: Look, Chris, Luis found Marty, and my father is trying to kill him and Fancy.

Chris: And you are putting our child's life at risk.

Sheridan: I've got to help.

Chris: How, Sheridan? How? We are thousands of miles away.

Sheridan: Call the F.B.I., call Interpol, call anybody. We've got to get them some help.

Luis: Faster!

[Lions growl]

Fancy: This can't be true. My own grandfather is trying to kill me.

Luis: Fancy, the man sent lions after us, ok? Run!

Beth: Please, Daddy, stop this. Don't kill Luis.

Alistair: Save your breath. The man is as good as dead.

Tabitha: Yes? Ok. And blubba blubba blubba, slubba blubba flubba, flubba dubba trubba yes.

Tabitha: Not bad. It's coming together. Oh, the revolting things these humans eat. Now, have you found me a substitute for dried skin of toad?

Siren: Uh, how about this?

Tabitha: What's that? Oh, dried seaweed. Oh, yes, I remember. Oh, Ivy used that when she tried to make sushi for one of her candlelight dinners. All her guests had to have their stomachs pumped. Here, hand me that, dear. Hey! Here, give me that, I need it.

Siren: Sorry, I'm starving.

Tabitha: Oh, you're always starving. Look in the fridge and see if they left you any fresh vampire meat.

[Endora babbles]

Tabitha: Speaking of vampires.

Ivy: Oh. Oh, you're cooking.

Tabitha: Yes, I'm afraid you caught me. You see, we were both famished, so I'm making some soup. I hope you don't mind.

Ivy: No, not at all, please. Ooh, it smells delicious. What is it? Mexican? Do you mind if I have a taste? Because I am always looking for new recipes.

Tabitha: Well, it's not ready yet, dear.

Ivy: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure it's delicious.

Tabitha: Don't say I didn't warn you

Ivy: It's poison! It's terrib-- I'm choking!

Tabitha: Oh dear.

Fox: What the hell are you doing?

Sam: Trying to stop you from making a mistake you're going to regret.

Fox: What? Stopping my fiancée from making love to another man?

Sam: Do you think I like this situation?

Fox: Sam, move. I got to stop this.

Sam: Did you hear what Dr. Russell said? That electric shock has scrambled her mind. She can't be startled right now.

Fox: Startled? Wait till she finds out that she made love to the wrong man.

Sam: Do you want her to remember that she loves you?

Fox: Of course.

Sam: Then leave them alone.

Fox: How?  Am I supposed to let her make love to Miguel?

Sam: Trust me. Miguel is an honorable young man.  He's not going to take advantage of Kay in this -- this vulnerable situation.

Fox: All right, Sam. He'd better not.

Chris: Hello? Hello?

[Lions growl]

Chris: They hung up on me.

Sheridan: They're not going to help?

Chris: The F.B.I.? Hell, no. They think I'm a crank.

Sheridan: God, I should've -- I should've realized how ridiculous it would sound to an outsider. I mean, nobody ever believes what my father is capable of. And even if the F.B.I. did get a hold of Interpol, they're probably all on my father's payroll anyway. My God, Chris. What we can do?

Alistair: It's almost over.

Beth: Sweetheart, don't watch. Don't watch.

[Lions growl]

Ethan: Oh, my God! I can't -- I can't believe -- I cannot believe this. Little Ethan is my son?

Theresa: Yes.

Ethan: Are you --

Theresa: Yes, I knew you would be so thrilled, I just knew it.

Ethan: Our son, our family -- a daughter for you, a son for me.

Theresa: Yes. And now all our dreams can come all you have to do is divorce Gwen and marry me.

Whitney: Theresa, just because Ethan is little Ethan's father doesn't necessarily mean he's going to leave Gwen.

Theresa: But you have to choose. Gwen or me.

Ethan: I choose you. I choose you. I choose our family, little Ethan and Jane and you. I choose you.

Theresa: Ethan, yes.

Ethan: How long have we waited for our dreams to come true, huh? Too damn long. I love you. I've always loved you.

Theresa: I love you.

Ethan: And you've always talked about fate, right? Fate bringing us back together.

Theresa: And you laughed at me.

Ethan: I laughed at you, and now you get to laugh at me because you've shown me that little Ethan is my son. And I have to admit to you that you have been right all along.

Whitney: Ethan, what about your marriage? What about Gwen?

Gwen: Uh, what do you think you're doing? You get your hands off of my husband!

Ethan: No, no, no, hold on, hold on. You're never going to hit her ever again.

Gwen: Ethan, what?

Ethan: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I want a divorce.

Gwen: Ethan, what are you talking about? A divorce? I mean, you can't be serious.

Ethan: I am.

Gwen: Ok, but I just left to get a newspaper. We were fine. We -- we were fine, we were happy.

Ethan: Gwen, I know, I know. But things change.

Gwen: In two minutes, Ethan? What?

Ethan: Everything. Everything has changed.

[Fancy screams]

Beth: Father, I'm begging you. Don't kill Luis. I love him. I never meant to hurt anybody.

Alistair: What are you talking about? What about Sheridan and Fancy?

Beth: What, those stupid blondes? Rip their heads off, toss them to the rats, I don't care. Just not Luis, please.

Alistair: Well, we all have our crosses to bear, my dear. I never expected either one of my daughters to fall in love with that clod Luis. But what happened? You both did.

[Marty babbles]

Alistair: I agree, absolutely.

[Fancy screams]

Alistair: Oh. Oh, yes, here we go. My granddaughter Fancy? There she is, with Luis as well. You know, no one ever listens to me. But I'll tell you something, if they don't, they pay the price.

Beth: But I listen.

Alistair: Oh, really? You betrayed me at the piazza. All of you -- you've all chosen the losing side. And you know what happens now? Sheridan loses her son, Fancy loses her life.

Beth: And I lose Luis?

Alistair: Hmm.

[Lions growl]

Luis: We got to get out of this maze. Come on.

Sheridan: Chris, please help them.

Chris: How?

Sheridan: We can't just watch them die.

Chris: We're half a world away, and the authorities don't want to help us. What can we do?

Sheridan: We can pray.

Sheridan: Dear God, stop my father. Save Luis and Fancy. Please, I'm begging you.

Ivy: I'm green?

Tabitha: Lysistrata's lingerie! What else could go wrong?

Tabitha: Sorry I asked.

Ivy: Choking -- choking!

Tabitha: Endora, Endora -- the ears, the ears! Oh, I think it's time for the Heimlich maneuver.

Siren: I think she's dying.

Tabitha: What to do?  What to do?

Tabitha: Oh, Endora, you're a genius.

Tabitha: Are you all right, Ivy?

Ivy: I- I think so. What the hell happened?

Tabitha: Well, you choked on an olive in my soup. I warned you it wasn't ready.

Ivy: Ready? Oh my God, that was poison! You can't serve that slop to humans.

Tabitha: Well, really!

Ivy: No, wait a minute. Ok, wait. If I was choking, why would I turn green? That would turn me blue.

Tabitha: Who knows, dear, who knows? Well, some women do develop strange allergies after they've had botox.

Ivy: What the hell is going on around here? What is in that soup?

Tabitha: Nothing, Ivy. Just a half of cup of this and a pinch of that. It's a very accommodating recipe.

Siren: I think it needs some more chili sauce. Everything goes better with chili sauce, don't you think? Another taste?

Ivy: Oh, God, no, no. No.

Fox: This is killing me. My fiancée is in there with Miguel.

Sam: Look, you just have to calm down.

Fox: Calm down? What if they go all the way? Is that worse than startling Kay? She's going to regret that for the rest of her life, Sam.

Sam:  You just have to trust Miguel, ok? He won't let it go that far.

Fox: Ok. Let's see about that.

Fox: Want to look?

Sam: I'm not looking in there.

Fox: Kay is all over Miguel, ok? And she is so beautiful. How do you think he is going to resist that? He can't, Sam. He's not going to.

Kay: Yes, make love to me.

Miguel: Yes. No, I can't.

Kay: Why not? You love me. We have a child together, we're getting married. Yet you keep pushing me away. Why can't we make love? 

Sam: Now, did you hear that? Miguel is handling it, all right? You shouldn't interfere with Kay because she's in a very delicate state right now. Come on. Come on.

Kay: Miguel, why do you keep pulling away from me? You said you loved me. Was that a lie?

Miguel: No. I do love you. I love you more than anyone in the world.

Kay: Ok, well, then what's holding you back? Every time I want to make love, you make excuses.

Miguel: We're in your father's house.

Kay: Well, you didn't want to make love at Tabitha's, either.

Miguel: Look, I'm sorry, ok? I just don't feel comfortable. I feel funny doing this, especially in your father's house. I mean, what if your dad or Ivy walks in?

Kay: They won't.

Miguel: How do you know?

Kay: I don't care. I love you. And if you love me as much as you say you do, you'll make love to me right now.

Fox: Oh, I'm not going to let this happen.

Sam: All right. Miguel may be in trouble.

Fox: Miguel?

Sam: Look, we're going to stop it, ok, but we're not going to startle Kay. Come on. Come on.

Siren: Mmm. You sure you don't want another taste?

Ivy: Positive. No, positive, thank you. And from now on, I will do all of the cooking in this house. Ok, I know I'm no Emeril, but at least I've never killed anyone.

Tabitha: Well, you will, dear. What about that banana bread of yours?

Ivy: I just want to know why I turned green.

Tabitha: Who knows? Maybe Grace put a curse on you. This is after all her kitchen.

Ivy: Was.

Tabitha: As you say, dear.

Ivy: Ow! Endora!

Tabitha: Oh, it's just a simple accident.

Ivy: Ah!

Tabitha: Oh, oh, I'm --

Ivy: Oh, my God, what have you done to me?

Tabitha: Oh, I'm so sorry, Ivy. What a shame.

Ivy: I have to change.

Tabitha: Yes, good idea.

Ivy: Ugh!

Siren: That was too close.

Tabitha: I agree. Endora, will you please stop fooling around? We wouldn't be in this mess if you could control your temper.

Tabitha: Ha, ha, ha. Listen, I have got to finish this potion before the fire marshal arrives, or he'll discover that we're witches. And our collective goose -- geese -- will be cooked.

Tabitha: Endora, what did you do?

Siren: Look.

Tabitha: My stars. Look at that.

Luis: Sheridan, please call for help.

[Fancy screams]

Sheridan: Oh, my God, Chris. Those lions are going to kill Luis and Fancy, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

[Lions growl]

Luis: God, how do we get out of here?

Fancy: Weren't we here before?

Luis: I don't know, it all looks so damn confusing.

Fancy: Run!

Gwen: Ethan, what is going on? Why do you want to divorce me all of a sudden?

Theresa: You want to tell her, or shall I?

Ethan: Look, I just got some really amazing news. Julian is not little Ethan's father.

Gwen: Oh, no.

Theresa: Oh, yeah.

Ethan: I'm his -- I'm his dad. Little Ethan is my son. I have two biological children with Theresa, Gwen. I can't turn my back on my own flesh and blood any longer. I am sorry, I cannot be married to you anymore. And I need to be with the woman that -- the woman that I love, that I've always loved so much.

Gwen: You bitch, I am going to get you for this!

Whitney: Theresa, what in the world is wrong with you?

Theresa: Were you just shaking me?

Whitney: Yeah. You stopped and started staring off into space. What's your deal?

Theresa: I was just imagining what life would be like once I tell Ethan that little Ethan is his son. I mean, can you imagine his face when he hears the truth, and Gwen's?

Gwen: The truth about what?

Theresa:  Never mind.

Gwen: More of your schemes, no doubt. Theresa, you need to stop. You need to leave my husband alone because he's done with you.

Theresa: Really? Gwen, do you remember when you said that if Chad and Whitney could get back together, you would believe that Ethan and i could get back together?

Gwen: Yes.

Theresa: Guess what. They are back together. Turns out they're not related by blood at all, that Chad is actually Alistair and Liz's son, not Julian and Eve's and Liz was adopted.  So they're not related biologically at all.  Isn't that marvelous? Yeah, it really makes you believe that true love can conquer all.

Fox: Sam, what are we doing down here? We should be upstairs keeping Kay out of Miguel's arms.

Sam: That's the plan, alright? Now watch and learn.

Sam: Now, I'd say something's going to happen in about 10 seconds. 10, nine, eight, seven --

Miguel: Yeah. I'm going to make love to you right now.

Kay: Yes, Miguel. You make me so -- [Screams] Oh, it's freezing!

Tabitha: Oh, Endora, you brilliant little witch. You are so advanced for your age.

Siren: What is it? What are they?

Tabitha: My daughter just pulled off some extremely difficult magic. They're worker bees.

Siren: Huh?

Tabitha: Yes, nature's finest builders. They're going to repair our house.

[Endora babbles]

[Bees buzz]

Ivy: What's that noise? It sounds like a swarm of bees.

Theresa: So the nun's prophecy came true. Whitney and Chad are back together and they can raise their son, Miles, just like I'm going to raise my children with Ethan.

Gwen: You have finally lost your teeny little mind. Theresa, Ethan's not going to leave me.

Theresa: You're dead wrong, and you're about to find out why.

Ethan: Um, what are we going to find out?

Sheridan: Oh, my God, Chris. They're even closer.

Chris: Sheridan, stop. Please, this is not good for you or the baby. I can see your blood pressure rising just by looking at you.

Sheridan: Chris, what do you expect? My own father is trying to kill my son's father, and his own granddaughter. He truly is a monster.

Beth: Oh, I can't let Marty witness this. It's too gruesome, even for me. How can you enjoy this?

Alistair: Oh, the Cranes have loved blood sports for centuries. It's in my genes. It's probably in yours, Marty's. But if you're not Crane enough to stay and watch all this, why don't you leave? I'll meet you later outside the gate.

Beth: Goodbye Luis, darling. I love you. Love you.

Alistair: Well, it's a hard lesson to learn, but she has to learn it if she wants to fit into the Crane family. Everything has its price, even betrayal. And Fancy and Luis are paying the ultimate price. Their lives.

[Lions growl]

Fancy: Luis, we're trapped.

Luis: Yeah, I guess we are.

Fancy: Well --

Luis: But at least we'll die together.

Fancy: I hope you find the happiness in heaven you missed here on earth.

Luis: Shh. Shh.

On the Next Passions:

Ivy: I'm allergic to bees!

[Ivy screams]

Eve: This time T.C.'s going to die.

Alistair: You're both about to die.

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