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Proofread By Jodi
Kay: Oh, my -- I'm sorry, honey, I can't make love to you and worry about the ceiling caving in on us at the same time. Whoo!
Fox: Miguel and Siren are feeling a little frisky.
Kay: "Frisky"? You'd think Guns N' Roses were up there trashing the attic.
Fox: I don't know about Siren, but I imagine it's been a little while since Miguel's had a fiesta instead of a siesta.
Miguel: Siren, stop. Siren, stop.
Siren: Let's make a baby, Miguel!
Miguel: We can't.
Siren: What's wrong? You want to do it on the floor?
Miguel: No, Siren, I don't want to do it at all.
Siren: You don't want to make a baby with me?
Miguel: Siren, we just met, ok? We barely know each other.
Siren: But having a baby sounds like fun.
Miguel: It can be. It can be a lot of fun. But having a baby is a huge responsibility and a lot of hard work, ok? If you don't believe me, you can ask Kay.
Siren: I believe you, Miguel. Most mates just fertilize a female's egg and go about their business like nothing's happened.
Miguel: That's not right. A father should be a part of his baby's life, Siren.
Siren: You're so progressive, Miguel. Most times it's up to the female to raise her young, protect it from predators. But if you want to help, I'll take it.
Miguel: I didn't mean I wanted to have a baby with you, Siren. Kay and I already have Maria. I'm not ready to have another child. And besides, you shouldn't have a baby with any guy until you're married.
Gianni: Oh, Fancy. Don't let that rotten American pig upset you. Let me make you forget all about Noah Bennett.
Fancy: Ew, get your tongue out of my ear, Gianni, and keep your hands to yourself. I told you I'm not in the mood for your tacky attempts at seduction.
Gianni: I have recommendations from thousands of women and several especially generous men who say that my seduction is anything but tacky.
Fancy: But you're missing the point. I don't want to be with you that way.
Gianni: But you're hurting. Let Gianni make you feel better, ok? A beauty like you is meant to drink champagne and dance the night away in a club... or in a fountain.
Fancy: I never want to go near a fountain again.
Gianni: Fine, no more fountains. But let me put back a smile on your exquisite face, hmm? Let me show you the best Rome has to offer, ok -- starting with me.
Noah: Fancy's with another man. It's all my fault.
Luis: Hey. The light's coming from over there.
Chad: All right, let's go.
Chad: All right, what was that?
Man: Keep going. You must be getting close.
Whitney: But I can't. I've hit the end.
Man: Impossible. Keep looking. There must be a passage or a secret entrance to the Pope's chamber.
Whitney: No. No!
Man: Whitney! Where are you going?
Whitney: Somebody help me! Help me! Help, please!
Whitney: Ow. Ow. I haven't taken a tumble like that since my tennis days. I'd give anything to be back on the court instead of stuck here. Oh, that thing with the yellow eyes... is it following me? No, it must not be following me. But I wonder -- it doesn't even matter. Things are already bad enough. Oh, no, my virtual reality headset, it must have fallen off. I'd better find it. But, God? God, where are you? It's Whitney.
Whitney: Ok, I was wearing the virtual reality headset, looking for the door in the wall of the virtual Vatican tunnel when that thing with the yellow eyes started chasing me. Now, I ran in real life and ended up here, so I must still be in the catacombs. But where is God? Why has he left me? Or is this another one of his tests? Or part of my penance for committing incest with Chad?
Man: Whitney! Whitney, answer me! Damn it!
Man: Whitney, speak to me. Speak to me. Tell me where you are.
Man: Damn you, Whitney! What the hell is the problem now?
Noah: Fancy thinks I'm back with Maya, so she's turned to Gianni for comfort. Damn him for taking advantage of her. I'll beat the hell out of him for being such a pig.
Noah's voice: I can't do it. If I go anywhere near Fancy, it could put her life in danger.
Fancy: Ugh, did you not hear what I said, Gianni? I told you I'm not in the mood to make out with you.
Gianni: You will be once I remind you how good I am.
Noah's voice: What I wouldn't give for it to be over with so I could tell Fancy this whole thing with Maya has been an act to keep her safe. I love you, Fancy. You and only you. By the time I level with you, it may be too late.
Fancy: Fair warning -- stick your tongue in my mouth again and I'll bite it off.
Gianni: Don't you want me to show you a good time?
Gianni: Then what do you want me to do?
Fancy: I want to mope, feel sorry for myself...and eat tons of gelato and tiramisu. And drink. Chianti, Spumante, whatever.
Gianni: You're this upset about that stupid brute Noah?
Fancy: I happen to love that stupid brute.
Gianni: Noah Bennett is a fool, ok, betraying you, an international beauty with the soul of an angel, with that -- what's her name?
Gianni: Forgettable. Just like she is. That Noah would cheat on you proves that he was not even worthy of you in the first place. Bennett is a crass American. He can't begin to appreciate what an exquisite woman you are, a woman to be treasured, pampered, protected. You mustn't give Noah another thought.
Kay: Well, it's been quiet up there for a while now. Maybe Miguel got turned off because Siren was coming on so strong.
Fox: Or maybe he's just catching his breath in between innings.
Kay: Don't say that.
Fox: Why? You don't get mad when I do it. Speaking of which, I am fully recharged.
Kay: Yeah, well, when we do it, we're considerate of others. We don't bang the bed up against the wall or scream like wild animals during mating season. We try and stay quiet.
Fox: So Miguel and Siren got a little carried away. You know, maybe they're just really turned on by one another. You know, sex is like that sometimes. It's like there's this chemical attraction between two people that ignites when they do it.
Kay: That's supposed to make me feel better?
Fox: Listen, I don't understand why you're so upset in the first place. That banging you just heard? That's nothing to what I heard when Rebecca brought her donkey and the stablehand back with her to bunk at the mansion.
Kay: My God.
Fox: Yeah, Rebecca kept shouting, "I wish I knew how to quit you." But which one she was talking to? It's anyone's guess.
Kay: Ew. Oh, my God, ok, I'm going to go check on Miguel and make sure he's all right.
Fox: Whoa. Who are you, the sex police?
Fox: Kay --
Kay: But I just want to see how he's doing.
Fox: Why do you care about Siren and Miguel so much, anyways? You're acting like you're jealous.
Miguel: Siren, I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean to make you cry. It's just that having a baby should be something you plan for, not something you go out and do on a whim.
Siren: My face is wet.
Miguel: That's what happens when you cry.
Siren: Mmm. Salty. Like the ocean. I'm not used to crying.
Miguel: And I'm not used to making women cry. Well, except Kay, but that was when we first had Maria. I wasn't ready to be a father back then, but now I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. Maria is the most important thing that ever happened to Kay and me, but having her hasn't always been easy. You know, we both have to work really hard to support her, and when she gets sick, sometimes we don't know what to do for her. Look, when you're a parent, your child is the most important part of your life, and it would be unfair to you, Maria, Kay, and me for us to have a baby. Ok, not only are we not married, Siren, but we don't even know each other. We just met.
Siren: So what? Some of my closest friends barely knew the fathers of their little ones.
Miguel: That's a shame, Siren.
Siren: To you, maybe, but to me that's just how it is. The mood hits you, you get the urge to have offspring. Does Harmony have one particular spawning ground?
Miguel: "Spawning ground"? Uh, lovers' lane on the road to Castleton, I guess. But I can't see doing it in a car, Siren.
Siren: How about underwater?
Miguel: Look, you know what, can we just change the subject, please? You know, you're just really weirding me out.
Miguel: Look, I have to be honest with you. You know, I'm sitting here thinking you're the most beautiful, sexy woman I've ever seen.
Siren: Thanks. I think you're gorgeous, too, and so, so sexy. All I can think about is being with you.
Miguel: And all I can think about is being with you, Siren. You know, that's why I went out on the boat before -- to find where you were and figure out why you saved me and where you came from and try and get to know you.
Siren: Like we have been.
Miguel: Look, it's great that it's worked out to where you can stay here, Siren. I just don't get where you're coming from sometimes.
Siren: Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I told you.
Miguel: See, that's not what I meant, Siren, but that's what I mean. I mean, once you open your mouth and you start talking, it's like you're from another planet.
Siren: I'm no space alien. I'm from here on earth. And if you think I'm different, it's because my ancestors ruled the high seas while yours were still too afraid to get their feet wet.
Kay: I am not jealous of Siren.
Fox: Then why the sudden urge to go check on Miguel?
Kay: Because Siren's strange.
Fox: Are you kidding me? She can't hold a stick to Charity. I mean, that girl was tight with zombies and demons and had her very own portal to hell.
Kay: Exactly. Miguel has already had enough weirdness in his life. He doesn't need any more. And Siren is weird.
Fox: She's intriguing.
Kay: No, Fox, she's weird. Anyone who lets their ex-boyfriend go off with their purse and her clothes and all of her stuff and they don't report it to the police? That's weird. She eats raw lobster in the shell, she doesn't know how to make up a bed, and she's attached to Miguel like a leach.
Fox: Do you want Miguel to be happy?
Kay: Of course I do.
Fox: Then let Miguel be with Siren if he wants to be. You know, weird or not, she is totally gorgeous and completely into Miguel. You know, Siren could be the best thing to ever happen to Miguel.
Kay: Or the worst.
Fox: You know what I think, Kay?
Fox: I think you're jealous of Siren, whether you realize it or not.
Miguel: Look, I wasn't attacking you, Siren. What I meant was I've never met a woman like you. Maybe it's because you're from a wealthy family.
Siren: Did I say that?
Miguel: Not in so many words, but stuff comes out. I mean, like you not knowing how to make a bed, you telling me your parents are on a cruise, and you saying that your family ruled the high seas when mine were afraid to get their feet wet.
Siren: I didn't mean to sound snobby. It's just that --
Miguel: Regular people like me think rich people like you are different.
Siren: If you say so. But it's true, my family's lives were tied to the sea.
Miguel: Were they shipbuilders?
Siren: Ok. I mean, are you ok with that?
Miguel: Yeah. I mean, sure. I mean, who knows, hey, some of the fishing boats I work on today were probably built by your family.
Siren: Does it upset you that I'm different?
Miguel: No, Siren, not at all. You know, maybe you just don't take some things as seriously as I do, like having kids, but that doesn't make you a bad person.
Siren: I want you to like me.
Miguel: I do. Really, I do.
Siren: I like you, too.
Siren: Let's do something fun.
Miguel: Siren, it's so late. I have to go to bed and be at work fishing before sunup.
Siren: Oh, but I have so much energy! Help me burn it off.
Miguel: Oh, God. Ok. Let's take a walk or something. You know, maybe that'll make you sleepy.
Siren: A walk? No, let's go swimming.
Noah: It kills me to see Fancy with Gianni, the Italian stallion.
Fancy: In America, when a woman says "no" to a man, she means "no."
Gianni: Ah. But we're in Italy, where "no" means "maybe." And with me, eventually it means "yes."
Fancy: Oh, God, you have a big ego.
Gianni: Oh, and so much more.
Noah: God, Gianni must be good. Fancy's all over him now that she's over me.
Whitney: God? Where are you? Please come back for me, please? I want to help you save your church and do my penance for my sins. Please come back. Ok, maybe he wants me to find my way back to him, you know, symbolic for my penance, finding your way back to God. Ok. Um -- let's see.
Whitney: Oh, man, I'd better be careful of all this stuff. Oh. The virtual reality headset. Maybe it can guide me back to where I was. Oh, my God, it's broken. Oh, God, now what am I going to do? Ok, wait, maybe this microphone and earpiece -- maybe this still works. Let me see. Um, hello? Hello, God, can you hear me?
Man: Whitney. Where are you?
Whitney: Oh, thank goodness you're there. I thought you had forsaken me.
Man: You should not have run away.
Whitney: No, I'm sorry, but that beast, that thing, whatever it was, it was chasing me and I thought it was going to hurt me again.
Man: Yet you are safe?
Whitney: Yeah, yeah, I am for now, but the virtual reality headset is broken. I mean, the only part that works is the audio part.
Man: Don't despair. Just do as I say.
Whitney: Yes, Lord.
Man: Now, you must go back the way you came. Find the wall that you found when you were in the virtual world and then look for the hidden door.
Whitney: Please don't make me go back there. Please, I know that thing is going to come back, and it's going to kill me this time.
Man: Whitney, having faith in me and my plan will keep the monster at bay. Now, you must go back to the wall and find a way in. I command you.
Whitney: Thy will be done.
Kay: Fox, I told you, I am not jealous of Siren.
Fox: So you're not worried that she could distract Miguel away from Maria?
Kay: Well, I hadn't considered that until you mentioned it, but the point is is she's out there -- way out there.
Fox: So she's different. She saved Miguel from drowning.
Kay: But afterwards, she laid low because she didn't want anyone to know she was swimming naked? Ok, what is up with that?
Fox: So she's modest.
Kay: "Modest"? Do you see the way she throws herself at Miguel, parading around in whatever that little thing is she calls a bikini?
Fox: So she's not lacking in self-esteem.
Kay: No, she's lacking in common sense. Who lets their ex-boyfriend take off with all their stuff, and then she keeps swimming off some deserted beach?
Fox: Kay, stop this stuff. When you're rich like Siren, you know that you're going to get some more.
Kay: Ok, well, if she's so rich, then why didn't she check herself into the Harbor Hotel? Her bank in Portsmouth could've wired the money to pay for it.
Fox: Because Miguel invited her to stay here, and Tabitha was ok with it.
Kay: Don't even get me started on Tabitha. At this rate, we'll be "Full House," minus John Stamos and the Olsen twins.
Fox: You know, I can't believe how this whole Siren-Miguel thing has set you off. You know, if you're not jealous of Siren, should I be -- should I be jealous of Miguel?
Miguel: You want to go swimming now, at this hour?
Siren: We'll have the entire ocean to ourselves.
Miguel: You know what, I am way over the ocean right now. Almost drowning in it was a real turnoff.
Siren: But I saved you from drowning... and I turn you on.
Miguel: True, on both counts, but --
Siren: Please, let's go swimming. I know it will relax me and we'll be able to sleep.
Miguel: I'm not up for swimming in the ocean, but we can go for a dip at the Cranes'.
Siren: Hmm. I've never swam in tidal marshes before, but I'm up for anything once. Anything.
Siren: The Cranes. They live in tidal marshes. I don't know any personally, but I hear they're excellent fishers.
Miguel: Siren, I wasn't talking about the bird cranes, I was talking about the Cranes, the richest family in Harmony, Fox's family. They live in a huge mansion on top of Raven Hill. Anyway, my sister Theresa is married to Alistair Crane, Fox's grandfather, and she said I'm welcome to come by whenever I wanted to and take a dip in their pool.
Siren: Oh, why didn't you say so? Let's go.
Siren: Go get your trunks. I'll get my suit on.
Miguel: Siren is all that and then some. But different. So different.
Noah's voice: Fancy has every right to be with any guy she wants after what I put her through. God, letting her catch me in bed with Maya, saying I used her all along, then convincing her to be with me tonight, only to leave her to go back to Maya? Fancy hates me more than ever. Which is good for keeping her safe, but -- but it kills me to think that Fancy thinks I'm scum.
Fancy: Stop trying to seduce me, Gianni. It's not working.
Gianni: It will. Just give it time.
Fancy: No, no, I meant it when I said I'm not in the mood.
Gianni: Fine. Have it your way. If you want to be alone, I'll leave you alone.
Fancy's voice: Noah's got some nerve. He leaves me for Maya, then follows Gianni and me like he's jealous? Well, I'll give Noah something to be jealous about.
Fancy: Gianni, wait. Um, you were right, I do need another man to make me forget about Noah, and that man is you.
Man: Why are you screaming?
Whitney: There's a hand here in the rubble. Oh, God.
Man: Calm down.
Whitney: There's another hand. There -- there are two people here. God, there are two people here buried under a ton of rubble. What am I supposed to do? What do I do?
Man: You must leave them to their fate.
Man: Your fate and the fate of your soul is tied to your finding the door to the Pope's chambers. Now go.
Whitney: No, no, but they're both alive. No, I can't just leave them here like this.
Man: Yes, you must. They were sent by evil to distract you from your penance.
Whitney: No, but I -- look, I can just go to the surface, I'll go get some help. I'll get some help for them.
Man: No. That would bring unwanted attention to your task. You must remain resolute. Stay focused and ignore the temptation that has been put in your path. Now, Whitney, you must go and find the door in the wall. Save the church and save your soul.
Whitney: But how do I save my soul if I sit here and leave two people to die?
Man: Whitney, you must do as I say. Go find the hidden door in the wall. I have called upon you to save the Pope and the church from evil, not the lives of those unlucky people. You must focus on the task at hand, Whitney. Focus on the lives that can be saved once you have found the chalice and brought it to me.
Whitney: I don't see why I have to choose between saving these two people and going to find the door.
Man: Don't question me, Whitney. Do as I say.
Whitney: But it just doesn't seem right.
Man: I work in mysterious ways.
Whitney: The fingers are moving. No, I have to save them now before it's too late.
Man: No, you have to find the hidden door before it's too late.
Whitney: A loving God would want me to save these people, or at least try.
Man: Are you questioning me?
Whitney: Yes, yes, Lord, I am. You know what, I don't even think you're God at all, because a loving God would want me to save these people and not just walk away like that.
Man: I am the voice of God.
Whitney: Well, it's not the same now, is it?
Man: We are doing God's work, holy work. The mission for which you have been chosen is far more important than those lives. You could save millions of souls. You must get out of there. Go now!
Whitney: No, I'm not doing it. I am going to try to save these people's lives. The God I know would want me to do that.
Man: Get out! I command you, get out of there! Whitney, stop!
Whitney: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Man: Whitney, time is running out. Leave those people where they are.
Noah: I hate watching Fancy kiss another man.
Gianni: Hmm. What a tease you are. A minute as cold as ice, and the next as hot as fire?
Fancy: Yeah, stop talking and kiss me.
Noah: Oh, I should be the one holding Fancy in my arms. I'm the one who should be touching her soft skin and looking into those deep, beautiful eyes. Not Gianni. Not Gianni.
Fancy's voice: Take a good look, Noah, because what you see is what you won't get.
Kay: Honey, don't be silly. There is no reason for you to be jealous of Miguel. It's you I love.
Fox: Even though you loved Miguel all through high school and you have a daughter with him?
Kay: Well, Maria is why Miguel will always be a part of my life. But I'm going to be your wife and we're going to get married and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Fox: What if Miguel ends up with Siren?
Kay: He won't.
Kay's voice: Not if I can help it.
Kay: I don't think Siren's right for him.
Fox: It doesn't matter what you think, Kay. It's up to Miguel to decide who he wants to be with.
Kay: I know, but you men are so dumb sometimes. A pretty girl comes along and it's like all the free ice cream you can eat, never mind if it's good for you or not. I just -- I don't want Miguel to get hurt again like he did with Charity. I want him to find someone that he knows inside out, someone that he shares the same interests with. I don't know, you know, Siren may act naive about some things, but what if it's all an act? What if she's the biggest fake we've ever seen?
Siren: I thought we were going swimming at the mansion.
Miguel: We are. But I don't want to have to wake up Theresa's chef if we get hungry, so --
Siren: Well, let me help. Ooh, I love sardines!
Singers: I like oysters lobsters, too I like the tasty butterfish, ooh when I come home late at night I get my favorite dish fish hold tight, hold tight hold tight, hold tight want some seafood
Siren: Mmm. Mmm, delicious.
Miguel: I'm glad you like sardines. They're not everyone's favorite fish, but I've always enjoyed them.
Siren: I'm glad we have things in common.
Miguel: The more time we get to spend with each other, the more we share.
Siren: I love sharing.
Fox: We thought we heard voices down here.
Kay: Yeah, we were thirsty. Ew. Are those sardines I smell?
Siren: Want one?
Kay: No, thanks.
Siren: More for me.
Kay: I told you she's whacked. She eats like a seal from the Mystic Aquarium.
Fox: So you guys are planning a late-night picnic?
Miguel: Oh, Siren and I are going swimming, so I told her I could take her to your house. Theresa said I was invited, so --
Kay: Haven't you had your fill of deep water for one night?
Miguel: That's why we're going swimming at the mansion and not the beach.
Siren: I prefer saltwater, but fresh is ok every now and then.
Kay: Ah. I'll bet she eats seaweed when she can't eat a lobster.
Kay: Don't tell me to shh. There is something not right about her. I don't trust her with him and I don't think he should get involved with her.
Miguel: Think that's everything.
Siren: You're so good to me, Miguel. Let's go get wet.
Fox: Have fun, you guys.
Kay: Wait, we're going to come with you!
Fox: We are?
Kay: Yeah, why not? I'll go get our suits, tell Tabitha we're leaving.
Fox: Kay, I thought you wanted to get some sleep.
Kay: In this heat? Who was I kidding? We'll cool off, take a swim, hang out with Miguel and Siren. It'll be great.
Noah: Oh, damn Gianni for taking advantage of Fancy when she's mad at me.
Fancy: Mmm. Kiss me again, you roman god.
Noah: Get your hands off of her.
Fancy: Noah. Why are you here and not with Maya?
Noah: I just can't stand seeing this guy take advantage of you.
Fancy: Oh, Gianni's doing no such thing.
Gianni: You heard the lady. Fancy's with me now. Go back to your geisha.
Noah: Look, I am not going to leave you with this jerk.
Fancy: Gianni's no jerk, you are. So go back to Maya and leave me alone. I am with Gianni now.
Whitney: Whoever you are, just hold on. I'll get to you as soon as I can.
Man: Whitney, leave those people where they are. Go find the hidden door.
Whitney: But I'm so close to saving him.
Man: They are beyond salvation. Now go.
Whitney: He's alive, he's alive. Hold on.
Whitney: Chad? Chad? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Man: Forget about Chad. Go and find the hidden door. Time is running out.
Whitney: Help, help! Somebody help us!
Kay: Ok, so I woke up Tabitha and told her that we were going to go swimming at the mansion, so she said she would watch Maria for us.
Fox: And Tabitha was ok with you interrupting her sleep?
Kay: Uh, I agreed to change Fluffy's litter box for the next two weeks.
Kay: No, it's ok. It'll be worth it, all four of us hanging out. You know what? I want to get some salsa.
Fox: So, you and Siren seem to be hitting it off. Kay and I heard you guys up in the attic. It sounded like a gymnastics meet up there.
Miguel: Sorry if we kept you awake, but nothing happened between us.
Fox: You're kidding me.
Fox: Dude, if you needed to borrow protection, you could've just --
Miguel: It wasn't that. It's Siren. Look, I like her. I like her a lot. But as soon as she opens her mouth and starts talking, everything she says is -- odd.
Fox: Listen, when someone's as hot as Siren, who cares?
Siren: Kay? Can I ask you a question?
Kay: Yeah, I guess.
Siren: How did you talk Miguel into making a baby with you?
Whitney: Help! Please, someone help!
Noah: Did you guys hear that?
Gianni: Ignore him, my little biscotti. Noah's trying to keep us from being alone together. Come on.
Noah: No, I'm serious, I heard something.
Noah: It sounded like a woman calling for help, and it came from under this grate.
Whitney: Chad, you can't die, ok? You have to live. You're not going to die.
Man: Leave Chad to his fate. He led you to commit incest long after he knew you were brother and sister.
Whitney: Chad is our baby's father. I am not going to let him die.
Noah: We have to try to help her. Come on.
Gianni: No, no, no. It's dangerous, man. People disappear down there, never to be heard from again. I'll go get help, but I draw the line at going into the catacombs.
Noah: Great, fine, go get help. I'm going in.
Fancy: Wait, Noah, wait. You heard what Gianni said. You could be hurt trying to save whoever's down there.
Noah: Look, Fancy, someone is in trouble. I'm not just going to stand around and do nothing, all right? I'm going after her.
Fancy: Oh, damn you and your stupid white-knight complex. Noah, wait for me. I can't let you do this alone.
Whitney: Chad, hold on, please. Please hold on, ok? I'll have you free in no time. Oh, thank goodness you're here. I need your help. These two men are trapped underneath all this rubble. I need your help, please.
Nun: Help is coming, carissima, but first you must know you are in grave danger. Evil is near. Closer than you think.
On the Next Passions:
Chad: Whitney? It's you.
Luis: You came for me.
Fox: What the hell
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