Tuesday 1/3/05--Canada; Wednesday 1/4/05--USA
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T.C.: What the hell is going on?
Katherine: Good question.
Sam: Well, it seems we all got text messages to bring us back into this room.
Pilar: The man is a monster.
Katherine: A beast.
Tabitha: Speaking of Alistair, I wonder where he is. Does anyone know?
Katherine: Oh, my God. Alistair.
Kay: Oh, my God.
Sam: Oh, my God.
Fancy: Grampy? Oh, God, help him! Someone stabbed Grandfather. Somebody help him! Don't just stand there, do something!
Rebecca: Oh. That looks yummy.
Fancy: What? Dr. Russell, please.
Eve: There's no pulse.
Fancy: No, what are you saying?
Eve: You know what that means, Fancy. It means that Alistair Crane is dead.
Rebecca: I'll drink to that.
Fancy: No. Oh, God, Grampy is dead.
Julian: It's about time.
Fancy: Father, how can you say that?
Fox: I've got to be honest with you, Fancy, I don't understand why you're so upset.
Fancy: Ethan? Sheridan? Doesn't anyone care? My God, you're all heartless. I know nobody liked him very much. Stop it! We have to find out who murdered my grandfather!
Ivy: The only death I wish for is yours, Alistair. I hate you.
Fox: I tell you something, I can't think of a single soul who wouldn't be happy to see you dead.
Kay: I can do what I want, too, Mr. Crane, and I will stop you no matter what I have to do.
Tabitha: I'll do whatever it takes to stop you dead, and I mean dead!
Julian: I swear to you, if you try to hurt Eve, you will be the one wishing your life did not go on.
Alistair: The most important thing is that once my granddaughter sees this, she'll never want to see Noah Bennett ever again.
Noah: No, you can't do that to her. Look, I'm not going to let you do that.
Alistair: Oh, really? What are you going to do, kill me? You're going to be ruined. In fact, you're going to be dead in the water.
Liz: Not if I make sure you're dead first.
Theresa: I will never let you turn my son into you. I will protect him! I will do whatever I have to do to make sure he doesn't turn out like you!
Ethan: You're a disgusting old man. You don't even deserve to live, you know that?
Alistair: How you going to stop me, Becky?
Rebecca: I don't really care what it takes. We will stop you.
Alistair: Get a grip, girl. You are out of control.
Sheridan: You mean out of your control.
Alistair: I am warning you, Sheridan --
Sheridan: That's why you had Luis murdered -- because you couldn't control him.
Katherine: No, Alistair, you will rue the day you ever met me. And when I'm done with you, you will be sorry I ever came into your life.
Pilar: Yes, I have a temper! And I promise you, not only will I get angry, oh, God, I'll get even.
Rebecca: You know, there is something about a fine champagne that makes every occasion just a little more festive, don't you think?
Fancy: You all accused my grandfather of being a monster? You're all monsters, all of you!
Sam: Fancy was right about one thing. Someone murdered Alistair. Someone took that knife and shoved it into the back of his neck. That's cold-blooded murder, and I can't just sit back and observe.
Kay: Dad, you're not a cop anymore, ok? Alistair here had you fired.
Sam: Well, that doesn't mean I can turn my back on what's happened. The way I figure it is whoever murdered Alistair is in this room. The question is, who did it?
Rachel: Good question.
Tabitha: My. I thought our New Year's Eve treat was ruined. But now it seems like we're going to play the murder game after all.
Sam: Someone in this room murdered Alistair Crane. Hell, it could be any of us.
Rebecca: Well, my money is on Theresa. I mean, she got rid of a husband she detested, and now her son, little Ethan, owns the Crane empire.
Theresa: That's if Alistair didn't change his will, which he did, Rebecca, three times a week.
Sam: Theresa's not the only one with motive. Hell, I freely admit that I despised the old bastard.
Ivy: Wait. No, I despised him more. He was a vicious monster.
Noah: Wait, wait, wait. He did destroy my family.
Julian: As far back as I can remember, he was always a cold-blooded bastard. Not only did he destroy everyone he came in contact with, he took pleasure in doing so.
Eve: He was sadistic and depraved and I hated him more than anyone I've ever known.
Theresa: I'm glad he's dead, that I don't have to live with his torture anymore.
Rebecca: Well, I am with you on that, girl. I mean, he has not been good in bed for ages.
Pilar: Theresa, you're free now, mija. He can never hurt us again, and your brothers Luis and Antonio can now rest in peace.
Katherine: I never thought this day would come.
Fancy: Grandmother, he was your husband.
Martin: Come on, Fancy, the old goat got what he deserved.
Sheridan: Maybe we should drive a stake through his heart to make sure he doesn't rise from the dead.
Fancy: Aunt Sheridan, not you, too.
Sheridan: Of course me, too. He can no longer hurt anyone that I love ever again.
Chris: Everything will be all right now.
Gwen: Well, so far, 2006 has been a great year. Alistair was a bastard and I'm glad he's dead.
Fancy: Gwen, you can't condone murder.
Rebecca: Well, in this case I can. In fact, I hope whoever did the dirty deed just keeps on going. There's at least two people in this room I wouldn't miss.
Ethan: Rebecca. Though I do admit someone as evil as Alistair doesn't deserve to live.
Fox: Oh, I'll drink to that.
Kay: Me, too.
Fancy: I can't believe my ears. Grampy is dead, murdered, and you're all happy about it? You make jokes?
Rachel: You're right, it's not a time for humor. It's a time for deep, heartwarming joy!
Rebecca: That blood better come out of my good carpet, old man, or I'm going to bury you in the pet cemetery.
Theresa: I think that would be little Ethan's good carpet, Rebecca.
Martin: You're not praying for Alistair's soul, are you?
Pilar: In a way. I'm praying God will treat Alistair's soul with justice.
Martin: Well, then he must be roasting as we speak.
Fancy: Grandfather? Dr. Russell, I think he's alive.
Eve: Fancy, honey, that's not possible.
Fancy: No, I'm sure I just heard him breathe. Check him out, right now.
Eve: No, I don't feel --
Fancy: There! He just breathed again! He is alive!
Rebecca: Oh, for pete's sake.
Eve: No, no, it's probably just some gas escaping. No. Oh, wait. I feel something.
Julian: Are you sure you're not mistaken?
Eve: Maybe. No. No, it's there, it's a pulse. It's very, very weak, but it's there.
Rebecca: Well, why didn't you feel a pulse before?
Fancy: Maybe she was trying not to.
Ivy: Just a suggestion, but perhaps if we all leave the room for a while, the pulse might just go away.
Theresa: I think we should put a pillow over his face.
Rebecca: You already tried that and it didn't work. Oh. Oh. I know. We could open the windows and then he would freeze to death.
Fancy: You're fiends. Dr. Russell, you've got to help Grampy.
T.C.: Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, wake up. You saw what he did to poor Jessica. Nobody here gives a damn about that bastard, right? Just let him die!
Fancy: I can't explain why he did what he did to Jessica, but he's still my Grampy. To hell with all of you. I'm calling 911.
Noah: Fancy, you're not going to be able to get anybody up here.
Liz: What a pity.
Ivy: What did Alistair ever do to you?
Julian: Apparently, Father knows something about Liz's past.
Ivy: My, it seems everyone in this town has a little secret.
Martin: Any luck?
Fancy: Not yet.
Martin: Well, cross your fingers there's no way to get help.
Theresa: Please, Dr. Russell, he has to die. I couldn't bear it if he lives.
Sam: Look at that wound. I bet he's in excruciating pain, the same pain he's caused me and my family.
Rebecca: You know what? If you would just jiggle that knife just teeny little bit, it would hurt even more.
Fancy: I can't even get a line out of here. There's nothing but static.
Tabitha: That's that, then. He's a goner.
Rebecca: Oh. You know, maybe Theresa can whip up some of her special guacamole. That'll perk him up.
Fancy: You're disgusting.
Katherine: We can't just stand here and watch him die. Perhaps we could adjourn to the solarium for a few hands of bridge.
Ivy: We could get five tables going.
Fancy: Dr. Russell, you are a doctor. You took an oath. No matter what your personal feelings are, you have to try to save his life.
Fancy: Please, Dr. Russell, he's alive. He has a chance to live if you help him. Save him.
Eve: Well, I guess it can't hurt to examine him.
Theresa: You know, I think that maybe you could see the wound better if you just pull the knife out.
Eve: I think the knife is what's holding blood vessels together. It's the reason why he's still alive.
Kay: Nice try.
Theresa: I do what I can.
Eve: Look, I'm sorry, Fancy, but Alistair's critical. I'm amazed that he's still alive right now. He's barely breathing, his vitals are almost nonexistent. He needs an I.C.U. without advanced medical equipment, he's going to die.
T.C.: What a great way to ring in the new year. Out with the old -- the old bastard.
Eve: Fancy, I can't do anything for him even if I wanted to. He needs a hospital.
Fancy: Wait. When I was growing up, Grandfather always had emergency medical equipment in the house. It must still be here, isn't it, Theresa?
Theresa: Medical equipment? Here? I --
Fancy: God, how could I be so stupid? There's plenty of medical equipment in the house. And all of you knew and didn't say anything. God. Grampy was afraid he might have a heart attack or a stroke someday. There's a whole mini hospital in here. Isn't there, Fox?
Fox: Yeah, yeah, a big one. Must have slipped my mind.
Fancy: Where is it?
Rebecca: Oh -- it's in the north wing. It's the last door at the end of the hall.
Fancy: Ok, let's get him there.
Eve: No, no, Fancy, we can't take him there. We may kill him if we move him.
Fancy: Then let's get the equipment in here. We can't just stand around and watch him die. Well? Who's going to help me? Anyone?
Julian: All right. Ahem. Would you give me a hand?
Chris: I suppose.
Rachel: You won't live, Alistair. Whoever tried to kill you will make sure of it, no matter what.
Noah: I'll help you, too.
Fancy: Oh, thank you. I knew you weren't so heartless.
Noah: Look, I'm not doing this for him, ok, I'm doing it for you.
Eve: Fancy, don't get your hopes up. It's going to take a miracle to save Alistair.
Sam: Well, we're still where we were before. There's an attempted murderer among us. It could even be me.
Rebecca: Well, whoever it is, they deserve a public service award.
Sam: Yeah, well, many might agree, but we're still civilized people who abide by the law. The truth will come out, and whoever did this will face the consequences.
Fancy: What are you waiting for? Come on, let's go get the medical equipment. Dr. Russell, you, too. You have to show us what we need. You can't just let him die.
Eve: Oh, yeah, I guess not. All right, let's go.
Fancy: Hang on, Grampy. The doctor's going to help you. Hang on.
Fancy: I can't believe what I've heard in here tonight. One of you is the murderer, but all of you are murderers at heart. God will punish you.
Rebecca: Or put us in the front of the line for heaven, honey.
Sam: You know, almost everyone in this room had motive to kill Alistair Crane. The question is, who had the opportunity? Who was the last person to see Alistair before he was stabbed?
Alistair: Find anything interesting?
Ivy: Alistair. Everyone's looking for you.
Alistair: And you're the lucky one. You found me.
Ivy: I was just -- I was looking for some photos of the children when they were babies. I think I left them here when I moved.
Alistair: You know, as I recall, you were never too interested in raising your children, except for that bastard son of yours, Ethan. But I guess you were just curious to see what the kids looked like then.
Ivy: Good evening, Alistair. I'll tell Sam that you're in here. He's very interested in finding you.
Alistair: You came in here to be alone with me.
Ivy: Oh, don't be absurd.
Alistair: Of course. Go ahead, admit it. You want me dead. You're trying to murder me. That's why you put that ad of "murder is announced" in the newspaper.
Ivy: Me? I thought you did that.
Alistair: Don't play games.
Ivy: I'm not playing games with you, Alistair. I want nothing to do with you. I'm with Sam now, the man I have loved my entire life. We're happy, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Alistair: I wonder what Sam will do when he finds out the truth about David Hastings. It's a very interesting story. You hired David to pretend that he was Grace's long-lost husband. I think that Sam would view that scenario a little differently.
Ivy: You bastard.
Alistair: You know, now your dream of a wonderful life with Sam is going to end because he's going to end up hating you, and everyone else in this town is going to hate you, as well. And as a sidebar, I'm sure that Fox is not going to be too happy to find out that you're using young Valerie to destroy his relationship with Kay. When I'm finished with you, you're going to wish you were dead.
Ivy: The only death I wish for is yours, Alistair. I hate you.
Sam: You ok?
Ivy: Yeah. I was just thinking about Alistair and what a monster he is. He brought this on himself, Sam.
Sam: I'm aware of that.
Alistair: Now, what would New Year's Eve be without a good parlor game? You see that knife Spike is holding? He's going to flip a coin. Heads, he just makes love to your daughter. Tails, he kills her.
Sam: God help me, I hope the bastard dies. No one deserves to die more than Alistair Crane.
Rebecca: Well, I think we should all have some more to drink, hmm? I mean, if he dies, then we can celebrate. Well, and if he doesn't, we can drown our sorrows.
T.C.: Girl, I am at your party. Pour up.
Katherine: How are you holding up, sweetheart?
Sheridan: I'm numb, Mother. I'm waiting for my father to finally die after I learned that I killed my own aunt. It's quite the melodrama.
Katherine: Don't blame yourself about Rachel's death. You were so young and it wasn't your fault.
Sheridan: Even so, I did it.
Katherine: Please don't agonize over it.
Sheridan: I don't feel any agony. I feel like I'm in one of my horrible nightmares, only I feel a sense of relief. After years of the doctors telling me that my nightmares were just hallucinations, only to find out that they're real. So tell me, Mother, is tonight real, or is it just another hallucination?
Katherine: I feel numb, too. I'm way past feeling any pain. It's -- it's almost a pleasure to feel nothing at all.
Theresa: It is over, Mama. Alistair is never going to torture me or my children again.
Pilar: Unless he lives.
Theresa: Oh, he won't.
Pilar: If there's any justice in this world, he won't. If anyone deserves to die, it's Alistair.
Fancy: Hurry up, we may not have much time! Ethan, can you help?
Gwen: Fancy, he's still recovering. You know, he's really weak.
Ethan: Actually, honey, I have the strength. I just -- I don't care if the man lives or dies.
Fancy: Ok, hurry.
Julian: All right.
Kay: Do you think he'll pull through? Maybe it's too late.
Fox: I don't know why I'm standing here talking to you. Everyone else in this house is trying to track you down.
Alistair: Hmm. The next head of the house of Crane's portrait should be hanging in that spot. Your father's portrait was there, but I had it taken down. Ah.
Fox: Well, who knows, maybe someday my portrait will be hanging there.
Alistair: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Take over Crane Industries once I'm dead and gone?
Fox: I'm the best man for the job.
Alistair: Yeah, you're also an idiot and a sap. Must have been all those drugs and the booze that Julian took. Pickled his D.N.A. You'll never run my empire, you know.
Fox: You know, I don't think I'm going to stand here and listen to this.
Alistair: Of course, you don't have to because your services are no longer needed. I want you tomorrow morning to go over to the office, clear out your desk, and then take that idiotic assistant of yours, Kay, with you.
Fox: You realize, of course, that you're making a big mistake in doing that?
Alistair: You know, how many times have I told you that Cranes don't make mistakes? But then again, I made a big one when I didn't have you drowned in a bucket the day you were born, because to me you have no function and no purpose.
Fox: Wow. It's amazing, really, because to me, your life has no function or purpose. I'll tell you something -- I can't think of single soul who wouldn't be happy to see you dead.
Kay: Hey, what's wrong?
Fox: I'm sorry, what?
Kay: Are you ok?
Fox: Yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking about my grandfather.
Kay: Hmm, he does seem to be the topic of the evening.
Tabitha: What's that saying about an elephant in the living room?
Kay: Mr. Crane. We've all been looking for you.
Alistair: Lucky me.
Kay: Can I speak to you?
Alistair: All the riffraff in town is here tonight. My goodness.
Kay: It's about these. Fox -- he doesn't deserve this. You can't fire him, ok? Working at Crane, it's his whole life. It means everything to him. He's dedicated, he --
Alistair: Wait, wait, wait. I am supposed to base my staff requirements on your recommendations?
Kay: Only this one.
Alistair: Oh, Fox's new conquest is not only a whore, she's a moron.
Kay: I am not a whore.
Alistair: What would you call yourself? His girlfriend? I think not, because you're nothing but a scheming, tawdry, unwed mother trying to latch on to that dupe of a grandson of mine so he can support you and your bastard child, and I am going to stop this relationship immediately.
Kay: Good luck, because Fox loves me and I love him and you cannot tear us apart.
Alistair: Don't count on it. I know a little secret about you, and once I tell Fox about it, he's going to drop you like a plagued rat.
Kay: You don't know me.
Alistair: Oh, I know something about you. I know that David Hastings wasn't your mother's first husband and that you knew that Ivy had hired him to break up your mom and dad and you did nothing to stop it. Did you? You could have stopped it, but you didn't, and once I tell Fox and your family all about that, they're going to turn their backs on you and you'll be nothing but a pariah.
Kay: You can't do this.
Alistair: I can do anything I want. I'm Alistair Crane.
Kay: Ooh. And I'm Kay Bennett. I can do what I want, too, Mr. Crane, and I will stop you no matter what I have to do. No matter what I have to do.
Tabitha: Kay! Kay, where did you go?
Alistair: O Lord, save us. Even the town lunatic is coming to this accursed party.
Tabitha: I certainly hope you're not referring to me.
Alistair: Oh, no, no, Miss Lenox, you know, it's no secret that you are Harmony's prized oddball and oddball things happen in your house all the time.
Tabitha: Yes, yes, well, odd things happen in your house, too, Alistair.
Alistair: Oh, touché. How's my granddaughter these days? Oh, you didn't know I knew. Well, you and my son Julian must have coupled at least once. I'm sure it involved an awful lot of liquor, too.
Tabitha: I've always been famous for my charms.
Alistair: Oh, yes, you have, for decades and decades and decades. I remember you looked the same when I was a little boy, a little boy. That means you must be about --
Tabitha: It's not polite to remind a lady of her age, Alistair.
Alistair: Oh, forgive me, Miss Lenox. How Endora was produced isn't really germane to this conversation. After all, she is a Crane.
Tabitha: She is not a Crane and she never will be.
Alistair: Oh, yes, she is a Crane, and she has certain responsibilities to live up to. So as of tomorrow, she'll be moving up here to the mansion, where I can oversee her education, and that way, you'll never see her again.
Tabitha: You'll never get near my daughter.
Alistair: How can you stop me?
Tabitha: I can.
Alistair: Oh, that's right. I forgot -- you're a witch!
Tabitha: Hmm, whoever told you that?
Alistair: Oh, my father warned me about you, and I'm sure his father warned him about you. But I'll tell you something -- all of your voodoo-hoodoo doesn't scare me in the least.
Tabitha: Well, it should.
Alistair: I'm the power in this town, Miss Lenox. Don't you ever forget that. And all of your herbs and chants are absolutely useless against me.
Tabitha: So you think. Even if that's true, there are other, more traditional ways of getting rid of someone. You will never take my daughter from me. I'll do whatever it takes to stop you dead, and I mean dead!
Alistair: Ooh. You don't frighten me. So why don't you just toddle on home. That way I won't have to call for an exorcist to get rid of you. Good night.
Tabitha: The arrogance of the man. Oh, you think you're so evil, Alistair, but you have no idea of the power of the dark side. We always win. Trying to come between me and my beloved Endora was the worst mistake you ever made. And you're going to have to pay for it with your life.
Kay: So do you think Alistair will pull through this?
Fox: God, I hope not.
Julian: How's he doing?
Eve: I don't know. His heartbeat's extremely erratic. I can't get his breathing to stabilize. I wouldn't take any bets on whether he's going to make it or not.
Julian: I will.
Eve: I know we say we all hate him, Julian, but wouldn't it upset you a little to have your father die?
Alistair: You're a sorry excuse for a son, Julian. Time and time again, you know, I've waited for you to prove yourself as a man, but you always disappoint me.
Julian: Change the tape, Father. You're repeating yourself. You don't concern me anymore.
Alistair: Huh. If that were true, then why did you put that "murder is announced" advertisement in the newspaper? You trying to scare me? Well, it didn't work.
Julian: It appears it did.
Julian: You seem a bit frightened. But, no, I didn't place the ad. I wouldn't waste my time.
Alistair: It had to be you. What'd you expect me to do, huh? I mean, did you expect me to get frightened, run to my room, be frightened of some assassin coming? No. No. I turned the tables on you, didn't I? I invited the whole damn town up here.
Julian: Whether you live or die is really no concern of mine.
Alistair: I wouldn't be so casual about my well-being if I were you.
Julian: Oh, really? What can you do to me now, Father, that you haven't already done?
Alistair: Don't play with me. I promised you the night you struck me that I would punish you. Do you think I've even begun?
Julian: So I won't be the head of Crane Industries. I'll have to live off my trust fund. What else can you do, Father? I still have Eve. I let you force me into choosing money over love years ago. I will not make that mistake again.
Alistair: Oh, you don't have a choice, Julian. I have this ugly little secret, and tonight I'm going to tell the dear, good doctor that secret and she's going to despise you and it'll destroy you both. And every morning when you wake up in pain, you'll remember who it was that made sure you didn't have one day of happiness -- me.
Julian: What do you know, Father?
Alistair: Ooh. Got you worried now, right, Julian? Ah. Got you worried. Once I'm finished with you, Julian, you're going to wish that your life would never go on.
Julian: I swear to you, if you try to hurt Eve, you will be the one wishing your life did not go on. No, my darling, it wouldn't upset me if father died. It wouldn't upset me one little bit.
Noah: It's still coming down pretty strong out there. This whole world is covered in ice. What was that?
Noah: I -- I thought I saw a woman. Oh, God. Must be my imagination.
Kay: Now you're seeing ghosts? Hey, Noah, I think we need to figure out a way to get Jessica home. She's in pretty bad shape.
Tabitha: Poor lamb. Are the roads really that bad? Doesn't anyone have any chains?
T.C.: You know, I don't care how bad it is out there, I've had enough. I will walk home if I have to.
Liz: No, wait, T.C. There might be power lines down. It could be dangerous.
Sam: T.C., no one's going anywhere.
T.C.: Sam, come on.
Sam: T.C., I know I'm not the chief of police anymore, but I know how to run a crime scene and I'm asking all of you to stay here.
T.C.: Why, Sam?
Sam: Because you're all suspects. If Alistair dies, well, we have a murder on our hands. And no one is free to go until the police arrive. Now, while we're waiting, shall we sort this out?
Rebecca: Hmm. Sam, honey, nobody here is going to run for the border, really. So why don't we just let all these people go to their own homes? I mean, there's plenty of time to solve this mystery after all the football games tomorrow.
Sam: Yeah, well, nice. No, no one is free to go.
T.C.: Sam, I don't have time to sit around here and play Agatha Christie.
Tabitha: Oh, come on, let's do. We were all invited up here to play a murder game, remember?
Rebecca: Said by Miss Marple herself.
Pilar: I think Sam's right. I think we should try to figure out what happened.
Sam: Thank you. Like I said, almost everyone in this room had motive to kill Alistair, and I'd bet everyone had the opportunity. The question is, which one of us tried to kill the old bastard?
Rachel: At last. The night of revenge, the night of justice. Tonight's the night that Alistair Crane dies.
Eve: His heartbeat's stopping. That's it, we're losing him. Alistair's dying.
Fancy: No. Not after all this. Save him! You've got to save him!
Rebecca: Well, there's still plenty of champagne.
On the Next Passions:
Rachel: Things have gone too far and it's too late to stop what has happened.
Fancy: Please, won't someone help him? My grandfather is dying.
Katherine: What are you saying?
Sheridan: I am a murderer.
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