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Sam: Hey, you guys go ahead and have a good time, and we'll see you in a little bit.
Fox: All right.
Fox: Sure love this Christmas spirit, don't you, Endora?
Sheridan: You think the tree looks cool now, wait till they turn the lights on.
Kay: Ok, honey, don't get scared when the lights go on, because the tree is going to look like it's on fire. But it won't be.
Fox: Well, she's amazing, just like her mother.
Sam: Look at those two.
Ivy: Did I miss something?
Sam: Yes. Your son and my daughter. You know, I really think they're going to get back together before Christmas.
Ivy's voice: Not if I have anything to say about it.
Kay: Hey, did you bring your camera? Because I want to take a picture of the girls for Tabitha.
Fox: Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Here you go. Where is Tabitha, anyway?
Kay: She had a last-minute errand to run or something, so she asked me to watch Endora for her.
[Carolers sing "White Christmas"]
Tabitha: Stupid carolers. Must be on their way to the tree lighting. That's where my little Endora is. I can't do this. I can't run away and leave my precious daughter behind, even if crazy Norma and Edna Wallace are after me. Endora and I belong together come hell or high water.
Norma: Ho-ho-ho! What can we do for you, officer?
Officer: You can tell me what you've been thinking driving a sleigh down a state highway intended for cars only. Hmm? Maybe you've been dipping into the eggnog bowl this evening?
Norma: Oh, heavens, no. We wouldn't dream of drinking on the job.
Officer: What job?
Mrs. Wallace: The most important job of all this time of year, officer -- bringing joy and merriment to all the little kids in Harmony! Now, surely, the state will make an exception to the cars-only rule.
Officer: Well, I'm afraid not, no. So you're on your way to the tree lighting in Harmony, huh?
Norma: Exactly! We're going to give sleigh rides to all the little kiddies.
Officer: I'm afraid I didn't hear anything about that.
Norma: Well, I can't help that. Now, we don't want to be late, don't want to disappoint them, so if we could be on our way --
Officer: Ah, not till I check out your story. Don't move while I radio this in, huh?
Norma: Giddyup, you glue factory reject! Ha-ha-ha!
Officer: Stop! I said stop!
Whitney: Sister Claire said you wanted to see me.
Mother Superior: Yes, my child. We need to talk.
Whitney: If this is about me being late to morning prayer the other day, it won't happen again.
Mother Superior: No, dear. No, I've heard nothing but good reports about your performance inside the convent since you arrived.
Whitney: Ok. Well, then what is it?
Mother Superior: It's your life outside the convent that we need to discuss.
Chad: Hey, Miles, you're not hungry again, are you? Come here. Oh. Look at you. Well, you're dry. You don't have a fever. So what's the problem, man? Oh. You miss your mama, don't you? Well, so do I. So do I.
Gwen: How's he doing?
Eve: Well, without seeing any test results, I'd say he's in the same condition he was when Theresa and Noah took him out of the hospital.
Gwen: I see.
Eve: I understand they had a few close calls up at the cabin but that they managed to keep his heart beating.
Gwen: Thank God for that.
Eve: You know, Gwen, we were just about to turn off Ethan's life support when all this happened. So I feel I need to ask you again -- are you sure that you want to take Ethan off life support?
Theresa: Got to get out of here. I've got to get to Ethan.
Fancy: Your being with Ethan is what got you here in the first place. Do you ever learn from your mistakes?
Theresa: It wasn't a mistake to have Ethan sent to your family's cabin. You know, if we hadn't, he would be dead right now.
Fancy: All you and Noah did was prolong the inevitable.
Theresa: He deserves a chance to live, Fancy. He shouldn't have his life terminated like some lab rat who's outlived its usefulness.
Noah: Easy, Theresa. Look, that's not what Gwen was doing.
Fancy: Thank God at least one of you is rational. For the last time, Theresa, Gwen is Ethan's wife. She loves him just as much as you do.
Theresa: No, no, she doesn't. See, Gwen knows the truth, that Ethan only married her because she was pregnant. He stayed with her out of guilt and obligation. But he doesn't really love her, Fancy. So Gwen decided that if she can't have him, she's going to kill him so no one else can.
Alistair: Well, well, well. What do we have here?
Fancy: Oh, Grampy.
Noah: As if this night couldn't get any worse.
Alistair: Feeling's mutual, Noah. Now, this is the last place I'd ever expect to find my granddaughter and wife.
Theresa: Alistair, listen, about the money that I used for the ambulance --
Alistair: Oh, that's the least of my concerns right now, Theresa.
Theresa: Then you're not angry?
Alistair: No, no, no, not at all. It took a lot of guts to do what you did. Your willingness to give up and risk your life and liberty for the man you love -- it's incredibly sexy. It really excites me, Theresa. I can hardly wait to get you home so you can show me some of that Latino spirit that you love to lavish on Ethan.
Gwen: Eve, I don't understand why you're asking me this right now. I mean, I thought you agreed that it was right to follow through with Ethan's wishes.
Eve: Oh, honey, I do. It's just after all this mess with Theresa and Noah, I just want to be certain that you are still sure.
Gwen: Eve, the last thing in the world I want to do is take my husband off life support. But it is what I intend to do because it's what he wanted me to do.
Eve: I'll go to the lab and see if the latest test results are in, make sure they've put a rush on it.
Gwen: Ok. Thank you.
Gwen: Honey, I don't know what Theresa said to you up at the cabin. But she probably told you that she's the one who loves you more than anything in the world. But that is not true. Ethan, I love you. I love you with my whole heart and my whole soul and with everything that I am. And I am so sorry that I couldn't protect you from her. She cost me so much precious time with you. She's in jail now where she belongs. And it's you and me, honey. It's you and me till the end.
Theresa: You disgust me.
Alistair: What else is new? You should be on your knees thanking me for forgiving you.
Theresa: I'd rather spend the rest of my life rotting in jail.
Alistair: Well, you will, unless you adjust that attitude of yours. I could leave you here, Theresa. And I could divorce you on the grounds of emotional adultery and abandonment.
Theresa: Be my guest.
Alistair: Oh, God, Theresa, you don't really -- you don't mean that. You know you don't mean that. Not you, who has tried to hard to avoid the financial fate of your mother and father. Not you, who would do just about anything to make sure that your children get the kind of life you've always aspired to but have never had.
Theresa: You don't know me at all, Alistair.
Alistair: Oh, yes, I do. You want to get out of here so badly you can taste it.
Theresa: To be with my children and Ethan, yes, not you.
Alistair: Oh, Ethan. What new strategy have you come up this time to keep him alive? And how are you going to stop the woman who's married to him from pulling the proverbial plug? As far as we know, Theresa, lover boy has drawn his last breath.
Theresa: No, wait, please.
Alistair: I thought you might change your mind.
Theresa: You didn't really come here to bail me out, right? I mean, you came to get Fancy and just gloat over my being locked up in here, is that correct?
Alistair: Wrong again, Theresa. I've already paid your bail. You're free to go.
Fancy: I can't believe you bailed her out after what she's done. My God, Grandfather, she tried to murder you not once but twice. That's why Ethan is dying. You can't possibly want her back after this.
Alistair: Fancy, I married Theresa because she's a challenge to me, she excites me. I just hope that little Ethan has half the fire that she has. Because with the Crane genes and my upbringing, he will be the scion of the fortune for the Crane family.
Theresa: Leave my son out of your sick plans for the future, Alistair.
Alistair: He is the future of my family, Theresa.
Theresa: We're not going to talk about this right now.
Alistair: Well, of course not. You've got other things on your mind.
Fancy: Ahem. What about me, Grampy? You're not going to keep me in here, are you?
Alistair: No, princess, I've paid your bail, too. You're free to go.
Fancy: What about Noah? What he did isn't nearly as bad as Theresa. Please bail him out, too.
Alistair: Let me think about that for a minute. No.
Mrs. Wallace: Ooh, faster, Normie, faster! He's gaining on us! He's going to chase us down and throw us in the clinker.
Norma: Not if we stop him. Take those presents in the back and start tossing them into the road!
Mrs. Wallace: What? No --
Norma: Just do it!
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, ok. Take this. And this. And that. Oh, no! No! He swerved to avoid it and he's still coming after us!
Norma: That's because you throw like a girl! Pitch them like you really mean it!
Mrs. Wallace: Ah, I'll pitch them like I really mean it. Ok, I'll -- whoo!
Sam: You make me so happy, Ivy.
Ivy: Even with everything that's going on?
Sam: Even now. I'm so grateful to have you in my life and I'm so looking forward to our future together.
Ivy: I promise I will never let you down the way Grace did. I promise.
Sam: You don't need to promise. I already know it.
Sam: You cold?
Ivy: Yeah, you know, I am a little bit. I'd love some hot chocolate. How about that?
Sam: Oh, it's a great idea.
Ivy: Thank you.
Sam: Be right back.
Ivy: Oh, wow.
Ivy: Ooh. Are you two as cold as I am?
Fox: No, I feel great. You?
Kay: I'm all right.
Ivy: Oh. Wow. Well, I could really use some hot chocolate, Fox.
Kay: Oh, we can all go.
Ivy: Oh, Kay, that's not necessary, with the babies and everything. Fox --
Fox: Yeah, no, no, it's ok, I'll go. I'll be right back. All right?
Fox: Be right back.
Kay: Now what? Are you going to keep butting in on me and Fox all night?
Ivy: I thought we had an understanding, Kay.
Kay: Look, I am not going to push him away if he wants to be with me -- which he does, in case you haven't noticed.
Ivy: Yes, I noticed. How do you think Fox would feel if he found out that you had withheld knowledge that your mother was never married to David Hastings?
Kay: He would be devastated. More disappointed in me than I can imagine. He would break up with me, I'm sure.
Kay: Ok, but how do you think he would react if he found out that his own mother was the one who orchestrated the whole thing? I'm sure he would never speak to you again.
Ivy: Ok, well, we're at a stalemate. Just watch your step, Kay.
Kay: Look, if we want to be together, we're going to be together, no matter how much distance you keep trying to put between us.
Martin: All those years away, I missed the tree-lighting ceremony.
Pilar: And I missed sharing them with you. If only our kids could be here.
Martin: Come on.
Sheridan: Good job, James. Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
Pilar: Oh, we wouldn't have missed it for the world. Feliz Navidad.
Sheridan: Well, we saved these seats so the kids could have a great view of the tree. I hope you'll join us.
Pilar: Oh, we'd love to. Thank you.
Chris: Sit there, buddy.
Pilar: Dios mio! Fire!
Martin: Oh, my God. Move out of the way!
Tabitha: Oh! There you are! Oh, Endora, I was so worried about you. You set fire to those presents, didn't you, my naughty girl? I know you did.
Ivy: Sam, Fox, be careful!
Fox: Mom, relax. It's no big deal.
Sam: It's all right, we got it.
Martin: Yeah, it's the presents were burned. The tree's still intact.
Sam: I just don't understand how it could have started.
Fox: Might have been the power cord.
Sam: Yeah, maybe. Look, I'm going to go get another cord so we can get this ceremony under way before anything else happens.
Fox: All right.
Sam: Be right back.
Whitney: What about my life outside the convent?
Mother Superior: Well, it says here that you are scheduled to take your final vows right after the new year.
Whitney: That's right, and I can't wait.
Mother Superior: It just doesn't ring true, my child. And neither God nor I looks kindly upon lies.
Whitney: Well, I'm not -- I'm not lying. Look, Mother Superior, this is what I want.
Mother Superior: Why is that? What is it that motivated you to join our order? I think we both know, don't we? Perhaps I should answer for you. It was after you gave birth to your half brother's child. You couldn't bear to live with yourself.
Whitney: No, it was when I realized that I was still in love with my half brother and that I couldn't control my feelings for him.
Gwen: Ethan, I love you so much that I'm willing to do what's going to break my heart. Honey, I want to keep you alive. You know, I want to keep you alive so I can see you, so I can visit you, so I can talk to you, so I can bring Jane to see you. But I know I can't do that because it's not what you want, it's what I want. And that would be selfish. And even though it means doing the hardest thing I'll ever have to do in my life, I'm going to honor your wishes because that's what you wanted me to do. So I'm going to call Sam and Ivy and I'm going to tell them that you're here and that it's time. I promise you -- honey, I promise you that your passing will be one of dignity and it will be full of love because I'm going to be here and your parents are going to be here right by your side. We love you so much. I am just so sorry that Theresa put us here. I am so sorry she did this to you.
Mrs. Wallace: Whoo!
Mrs. Wallace: We lost that cop! That last present drove him right off the road and into a ditch.
Norma: Yeah, but he's bound to radio in for backup. We got to ditch this sleigh if we don't want to get caught.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, ok. Hey, look, another sign! We're one mile out of Harmony.
Norma: Good, we can hoof it. Nobody will notice us.
Mrs. Wallace: I don't know about that.
Norma: Oh, quit your bellyaching! We'll fit right in.
Mrs. Wallace: Oh.
Norma: Come on, Daddy.
Sam: There you go.
Ivy: Oh, wow. Oh, silly me, asking both of you.
Sam: Oh. Hold on one second. Excuse me. It's Gwen. Sam Bennett.
Gwen: Sam, it's Gwen.
Sam: Any news on Ethan?
Gwen: That's why I'm calling. We found him. He was up at the Crane cabin and he's back here now. His condition is about the same but eve is running some more tests.
Sam: Oh, thank God. They found Ethan. He's back in the hospital.
Fox: Oh, good.
Sam: His condition hasn't changed.
Ivy: Oh, damn that Theresa. This silly stunt could have killed him.
Gwen: She had accomplices who helped her.
Gwen: That's the thing, Sam. It was Noah and Fancy.
Sam: Oh, my God. Noah and Fancy helped Theresa kidnap Ethan.
Ivy: Well, I can't believe that.
Gwen: It's true. They're actually all in jail right now.
Sam: Well, listen, we're on our way right now.
Gwen: Ok, I'll see you -- I'll see you in a bit.
Ivy: Wait, Noah and Fancy helped Theresa kidnap Ethan? That -- that makes no sense! Fancy has no use for Theresa. Why would she help her?
Pilar: Oh, my God, Martin. That means Theresa's in jail, too. We need to get her out.
Martin: Let's go.
Sam: Look, I want to go to the hospital, ok, but I should go see Noah first.
Ivy: Of course, of course. And if you see Fancy, tell her I'll bail her out. But I have to see Ethan first.
Sheridan: Ivy, I'm going to stay here with James, but when you see Ethan, please call me.
Sam: Let's go.
Gwen: I'll be back in just a few minutes, ok?
Theresa: Thank God you're still alive. I was afraid I was never going to see you again. I can't let you go, Ethan. I can't.
Mother Superior: Have you prayed to the heavenly father to help you lift these desires?
Whitney: Every day.
Mother Superior: And has it helped? Have they been lifted?
Whitney: I don't know.
Mother Superior: Then there's only one thing for you to do.
Mother Superior: You must go back into the world, say your goodbyes to your family. But more importantly, deal with your feelings for the father of your child.
Whitney: No, no. Mother Superior, I don't want to go see Chad, ok? I -- I don't want to see the baby, please.
Mother Superior: I'm afraid you must.
Whitney: Please don't make me do that.
Mother Superior: It is the only way for me to be sure that you're ready. And it's the only way for you to be certain it's what you want. Your desire to be here with us must be stronger than your desire to be with your brother.
Chad: Oh, check it out. Look down there, Miles. That's snow. Wait a second -- tonight's the big tree lighting in the park. What do you say, man? You want to go? Yeah? All right. You know, your mom always used to love the tree lighting. I mean, her eyes would light up brighter than the tree. Yeah. You know, so what if your mom's not here. We're going to start our new tradition -- just you and me, man, tonight.
Fancy: Please, Grampy, do it for me. Bail Noah out of jail. Theresa's the one who roped him into all this in the first place. Noah is just --
Alistair: Noah, Noah, Noah. That's all I've heard all the way home. It's not going to happen, Fancy. It just won't happen.
Fancy: But --
Alistair: No buts about it, end of discussion.
Fancy: Just one more thing, Grampy.
Alistair: Does it have anything to do with Noah?
Fancy: No, it doesn't. It's about an incredibly rude sales clerk at the jewelry store downtown.
Alistair: At the jewelry store downtown? Now, why did you have to go shopping there when all you have to do is take one of our planes down to new York any time you want?
Fancy: Oh, I didn't. I just saw something cute in the window and I had to have it. But when I gave him my credit card, he had the nerve to tell me I was over my limit. I was declined. I've never been declined in my life.
Alistair: I imagine that was a shock.
Fancy: He was very insulting on top of it. So I was wondering -- could you please give him a call and tell him he shouldn't have talked to me that way? Tell him you said I could have whatever I want.
Alistair: You know something? I never could say no to you.
Sam: Damn it, Noah!
Noah: I -- I guess you heard how I got here, then?
Sam: Yeah, Gwen filled me in. How could you do such a thing? Helping Theresa kidnap Ethan from the hospital? What were you thinking?
Noah: Look, Dad, I was trying to spare you the details, all right, but the truth is I agreed with Theresa. You know, I thought that Ethan deserved another shot at life. I mean, he's your son. You've got to understand that.
Theresa: I love you, Ethan. And I'll love you until the day I die, no matter what happens to you tonight.
Gwen: How are you here? How the hell are you here? You're supposed to be in jail!
Theresa: Alistair bailed me out.
Gwen: Get out of here, Theresa. Leave my husband alone.
Theresa: I'm not leaving, Gwen. I'm going to stay here to make sure you don't kill Ethan.
Gwen: I'm not going to kill Ethan. I'm going to kill you. Ah!
Theresa: Ow! Ow!
Gwen: You miserable bitch!
Theresa: At least I'm not a murderer!
Eve: Gwen? Oh, my gosh! Stop it! Stop it! This is a hospital!
Martin: Come on, break this up!
Gwen: Let me go! I am so sick and tired of her!
Ivy: Just -- she's not worth it. Leave it alone.
Gwen: Get her out of here. Get her out of here right now.
Theresa: No, I am not leaving. I'm going to stay here to make sure that you don't end Ethan's life!
Gwen: This is none of your business, Theresa! I am warning you, get out of here!
Eve: Martin, please, take her out before I call security.
Martin: No, no, come on, come on.
Theresa: Please, you know I have to be here!
Martin: Come on.
Pilar: Let's go. Vamos, mija.
Theresa: Don't you kill him! Keep him alive!
[Mrs. Wallace grunts]
Mrs. Wallace: Whoa! Oh! Oh!
Norma: Shh! Shut up! Oh, God. Your screeching voice could wake the dead. I'll check upstairs. You check out down here.
Mrs. Wallace: Right. Hey, hello, hello?
Mrs. Wallace: Oh, boy.
Fox: All right -- five, four, three, two -- Merry Christmas!
All: Merry Christmas!
Sheridan: Look, James. Isn't it beautiful?
Woman: That is so cool!
Man: That's pretty cool.
Chris: Wow, you didn't tell me the tree goes around.
Sheridan: It never has before.
Kay: This is new. How do they make it do that?
Fox: Oh, they probably put it on some kind of turntable platform.
Tabitha: Endora, you're so full of holiday cheer, you're getting careless! You mustn't keep doing magic in public. People will begin to think that you're a witch. Yeah. I mean, do you want to blow out the candles on your birthday cake, your next birthday cake? Or do you want to be burned at the stake tonight, huh? Right. So, please, no more magic. You understand?
Chad: I want this to be the first in a lifetime of happy Christmases for you, little man. Of course, it'd be perfect if your mom was here, but that's not going to happen. You know what? There's something you don't know about Christmas. It's a time for miracles. So, if we start to pray for your mom to come home, maybe, just maybe, our prayers will be answered. Let's go.
Whitney: Why does Mother Superior want me to go back to Harmony tonight? It's ok, I can do it. I will show her that I can face my past and reaffirm my decision to join the order. And I'll take my final vows as a nun after the new year. This is what I want, more than I want to be with Chad.
Gwen: How did it come to this? I mean, Ivy, are we really going to have to take Ethan off life support tonight?
Ivy: Of all nights, Christmas Eve. I -- I don't know if I can bear it.
Eve: Latest test results.
Gwen: Has there been any improvement?
Eve: No. Everything's the same.
Gwen: I'm really going to have to go through with this.
Eve: There is no need for you to rush. You can take all the time you need.
Gwen: You know, despite what Theresa thinks, this is the hardest thing I'm ever going to have to do in my life. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this. I don't know how I'm going to face living the rest of my life without him. I don't know if I could do that.
Theresa: You cannot keep me out of there, ok? Someone has to speak for Ethan! Someone has to try to save his life!
Martin: You've already done all you could.
Pilar: Theresa, he could have died in your care, and then you wouldn't have accomplished anything!
Theresa: No, he would have been with me, Mama, the woman that he loves, not his cold-hearted wife and his mother. Now, I'm going back in there!
Pilar: Theresa --
Martin: I won't allow you!
Theresa: Papa, you cannot stop me this time!
Pilar: Yes, we can, Theresa. I will not allow you to add to the grief that everyone is feeling right now. And as your parents, we forbid you to bring any more pain to Ethan's family. Now, whether you like it or not, Gwen is Ethan's legal wife, and as such, she is the one who's entitled to make this decision for him. And as for you, Theresa, you're lucky you're not behind bars tonight, or for many years to come.
Martin: You shouldn't have come back to the hospital.
Theresa: I am trying to help him.
Pilar: You want to help Ethan? You come with us to church and we will pray for him.
Theresa: No, I need to be right here, Mama.
Pilar: No, Theresa. Let's pray for God's help, and I will not take no for an answer. Vamos.
Noah: Look, I'm sorry, Dad, all right? Not for what I did, but for you being dragged into this.
Sam: So am I. What, with Ethan on his deathbed and Jessica back on the street?
Noah: Well, then go take care of them. Look, don't worry about me.
Sam: How can I not? You know, I thought the first Christmas without your mother was the hardest. But this one? Look, all I have ever wanted was you children to be happy.
Alistair: This is Alistair Crane, and I want you to give my granddaughter, Fancy Crane, anything she wants, or all you'll get for Christmas is fired. Are you happy now, princess?
Fancy: Oh, Grampy! You've made me the happiest girl in the whole world.
Alistair: Oh, good, good. Fine, fine.
[Norma and Mrs. Wallace scream]
Norma: Idiot! You almost scared me to death!
Mrs. Wallace: Well, how could I know it was you?
Norma: I guess the old crone's not down here then.
Mrs. Wallace: Nobody is. Nothing upstairs?
Norma: I checked every room, even the attic. Damn monster cat's the only thing breathing in this house. I tried to whack it, but it got away.
Mrs. Wallace: Hmm. Well, now what do we do?
Norma: Oh, we take a chill pill till the witch comes home. This ax has waited a lot of years to get stuck into Tabby's skull.
Mrs. Wallace: Ugh. Look, I don't care what you do with her. Just don't whack her until she has made me young and sexy again.
Norma: You sure she did that once already?
Mrs. Wallace: Hey. You should have seen me, honey. I was a babe. You should try it.
Norma: What for? I'm already hot.
Mrs. Wallace: Of course you are! Absolutely. You see, but some of us can use some improvement sometime, you know, even a natural beauty like you.
Norma: Well, maybe I'll try it. It'll be nice to get something out of the old battle-ax. She's caused me nothing but pain and heartache since I first met her.
[Mrs. Wallace laughs]
Mrs. Wallace: It's going to take more than Tabitha to make her young and sexy.
Norma: What was that?
Mrs. Wallace: Nothing! You know what I was just thinking? I could use a drink.
Norma: Good idea, Edna baby. Don't mind if I join you. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh.
Mrs. Wallace: Hey, come on. Share, share, share.
Norma: Ooh, mama.
Tabitha: You stop that right now, or you're going to get us in a heap of trouble, Endora.
Kay: Honesty, Fox, I've never seen the town tree do this before.
Sheridan: What's happening?
Chris: Beats me, but the kids sure seem to like it.
Man: Oh, my God! Stand back.
Woman: Stand back.
Chris: That's amazing.
Man: Oh, my God.
Tabitha: This is a very bad omen, a very bad omen indeed.
On the Next Passions:
Fancy: I don't have much time. I am going to make this the best Christmas yet.
Tabitha: If you're an elf, then Santa must be --
Norma: Norma's back and ready to whack!
Father Lonigan: Whoever is there, please come join us.
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